April in Paris
by AutumnSong
Summary: *EDITING*One night of passionate sex but still one night and one night only,I told myself. We couldn't start this and she knew that as well as I did. She licked her plump lips and blushed as I lectured. This was going to be a long and epic April.
1. Le CygneThe Swan

**A/N: Hello, I'm Autumn Song, or Autumn for short. This is a Bella/Carlisle story set in Paris. There will be a French speaking Carlisle, lemons (lots of them) and drama. This is my first dive into FanFiction and I hope that you enjoy my efforts. **

**The little review button, at the bottom…please feel free to press it and let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing remotely related to Twilight, SM owns all. I simply play with her characters. **

**Enjoy.**

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CPOV**  
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_It was overwhelming; with little to no effort, she had captured my attention. Long shiny hair flowed down her smooth pale back. I watched as she spoke with her friend, smiling and gesturing wildly. Her face was face was so expressive, I could almost picture what she would look like under me, hair fanned over my pillows, red lips parted and breath coming quick…because of me. She was a vision, one unlike anything I have ever seen. I had to know her. After a few minutes with the bar tender, I ordered her a drink and decided to take it over to her myself._

_"No, Alice I don't think that is a good idea." She obviously was not American. It didn't matter; she could be a vampire for all I cared._

_"Well, I think it's a fantastic beyond brilliant idea, and the fact that it is mine only adds sparkle. Now, come on, when was the last time you have some fun? Can't you break your rule just this one ti-" I cleared my throat softly, not wanting to hear something they didn't want me to listen in on. The one named Alice arched a brow at me, looked down at the drink and smiled knowingly at her friend but said nothing._

_"Un aperitif,_ _mademoiselle."_

_The brown hair beauty looked up at me then at the drink in my hand. Her eyes were sad for a moment, but the sadness vanished just as quickly as it had swooped in on her. I explained that she had captured me from across the room and not buying her a drink and speaking to her was, unacceptable. Her mouth only twitched with amusement. "Thank you for the drink, but I don't date French men. Sorry." _

_"Well, then it's a good thing I'm not a French man, now is it." Her lips curved into a wicked smile._

_Yes, it was a good thing after all._

xXXx

I heard my phone ringing somewhere, groaning and shoving my face into the mountain of pillows, I tried to ignore the raging headache. The sheets smelled different, like violets and jasmine, it wasn't unpleasant by any means, it was intoxicating but it was wrong. _My_ sheets still had that plastic new smell that needed to be washed out. Letting out a low groan I opened one eye, everything seemed to be all right—nothing sinister—but it was too bright and I wasn't in at my place.

_So, we went to hers? Was it closer? Why couldn't I recall anything about the taxi ride? Did we take a taxi? _Questions, would I ever escape…questions? _What time is it?_

One glance at my watch told me it wasn't as late as I had thought. Sitting up I took in the room; bright emerald walls lined with more books than a small library, small brass tables with tiny elephants and other odds and ends were scattered here and there. In the corner by the window there was an easel with tubes and brushes laid out on the sill and a canvas waiting. _So she's an artist and a reader by the looks of it. Where is she, anyway? _I preened my ear but found only silence, no shower, no footsteps, and no voice. Maybe she left to avoid facing me, her error in judgment. Or perhaps she had to go to school, or work? Shit! That reminded me, I had to get to work, but first I needed my pants.

I found them over by the closet door. I smiled at our obvious hast, my clothes was scattered. Pulling my pants up and I shoved my hand in one of the pockets to shut off my phone. Blasted thing kept going off. My finger grazed something that was not a phone but very soft, wondering what it was I pulled it out and grinned at the sight of the ripped scrap of green lace.

_"These are in my way." I whispered to her, running my finger over the soft, damp material. I could smell her aroused sex. Feel her quiver beneath such a simple innocent touch. I wanted more. So many thoughts ran though my head but one thought was constant. What sounds would she make when I finally put my mouth to her? She whimpered as I continued to tease her, "Would you like me to take them off?"_

_Another little moan. I was having none of that. I needed to hear her, she needed to talk to me, because fuck if it wasn't hot as hell when she had done it before. _

_"Is that what you want, beautiful," placing a kiss right above her covered clit, my hands tighten on her thighs, spreading them further apart, "for me to peal these pretty panties off you, taste you, touch you?"_

_"Fuck, yes!" She threw her head back against the wall, fleetingly I was concerned that she had hurt herself but she didn't seem to mind so I shrugged it off. _

_"'Fuck, yes,' what? What do you want?" I asked, licking a line from one hipbone, across her taut belly, to the second. In the dim lamp light, her wet skin glistened. I bit her hip softly and hummed at her reaction to my teeth. She reached up to thread her finger in my hair, tugging me to where she needed me most, her nails grazing my scalp deviously._

_This girl was driving me mad…she had to know what she was doing. There was no way she couldn't know. My cock ached as I palmed myself in search of relief but found none. I couldn't help but stroke myself lightly, it was sweet torture, a poor substitute for what I really needed and what I needed was this damn fabric out of the way before I exploded. _

_Her first, her first, I kept telling myself._

_"What do you need?"_

_"Now. Please. Touch me." She pleaded. _

_"All you needed to do was ask, sweet girl." _

_The lace was no match for my lust or my strength, for a moment I thought she'd be upset about me ruining the expensive garment but I couldn't have been more wrong—if anything it got her hotter. _

_I slipped one finger in, stroked her walls then added another finger, and the poor girl screamed. Bloody hell, she was hot, soft, wet and oh so very tight, everything young girl were but somehow she seemed like so much more. While she writhed above me I studied her in awe; she was bare and while normally this would not appeal to me on her it made me want to burry my head between her silken thighs run my tongue along her folds, make her come and scream my name until she was utterly spent. My mouth watered and I couldn't simply look, I needed to taste._

I shook the memories away and finished getting dressed before leaving the comfort of her room. Last night I hadn't paid any attention to the apartment, my thoughts had been occupied with much softer things—like the skin on her neck and behind her ears—but now with it before me I felt odd, intrusive as I looked around without her to show me around.

The flat was not as tiny as I had thought it would be, but it wasn't large either. The living room was painted in a deep shade of Jade with the same aged brass accents as her bedroom. A dark brown leather couch with brass studs and two wing backed chairs were angled to create a warm and inviting seating area. Frames and pictures, prints and brass keys hung from the walls but couldn't bring myself to inspect the pictures—she deserved some privacy. _Funny, last night you licked every inch of her skin, sucked on her pretty pink nipples and now you want to give her privacy? _The place looked effortlessly stylish without being forced—which I could say was a perfect description of my mystery women herself. _Perhaps it was a French thing. _My body hummed at the thought of her French, mumblings she thought I couldn't understand, moaning under her breath.

"_Mon dieu, ses doigts se sentent comme le péché. __N'arrêtez pas._ "

I suppressed a moan and decided I better get out of here before I had to take matters into my own hands, literally. Just as I was leaving, I noticed a note on the wall by the door. The wall I had taken her against. Curious, I read it and smiled.

**Morning, I had to go to school early and I couldn't bring myself to wake you, seeing as you looked so peaceful and sexy—I almost didn't go to class because of you. Help yourself to some coffee and or whatever there is in the fridge. Don't rob me. My father is French Police and he will find you if you do, and trust me it will not be pretty.**

She had lovely writing—I suppose I would notice something like that—but she didn't sign and that sadden me more than I expected. How was I supposed to see her again if I didn't know her name? Sure, I knew where she lived but stalking her home in the chance that I might see her was…insane. Would she want to see me again? I hadn't given her my name either. And then there was the quip about her Father. French Police…I didn't like the sounds of that, cops with daughters to protect were dangerous. Why was I thinking about this so damn much? Taking a last look at her world, I decided it was for the best if we ended much the same as we had started—as strangers.

Outside her door, I realized this would be my first walk of shame in many years and the significance of this was not lost on me. _What_ _had I been thinking last night?_ Starting my time in Paris with a bang was not wise, neither was waking up in a bed alone—again. And now I had to figure out how to get home from whatever arrondissement this was. While I didn't regret the sex, I instantly regretted my _laissez faire_ attitude last night.

I was more responsible than this.

xXXx

Once I got to my apartment, I showered and dressed quickly, ignoring the part of me that was begging to be stroked. I had no time. But the thought of her in the shower with me, wet and naked was almost enough to reconsider.

The trip to Sorbonne had taken little to no time, and the mingling with my new co-workers took even less time. They were nice enough on the surface but they were appraising me openly; conversing faster than I suspected they spoke to their fellow compatriots. It made no difference; I was more than capable of keeping up. When the informal get-to-know-you was over I simply went over to what would be my classroom for the next month or so and put my desk in order, set up the books and wrote my name on the black board. Chuckling to myself, I realized writing my name on the board gave me déjà vu of my stint in grade school. _Man second graders were rough._ I quickly wiped it off, sat down, and began reading while I waited for the students to arrive. Naturally, my mind wandered.

_"Me prennent. Maintenant!" She moaned, her voice low, thick and frustrated. _

_Of course I knew what she was saying but played the part, kissing her neck while my hands unzipped her death trap of a dress, clawing at the straps anxious to see all of her. Straps, why so many straps? Finally I worked her arms free and was pleasantly rewarded with the sight of her naked chest. Christ! No bra, just rosy hard nipples. I tore my eyes away from her chest and up to her eyes, barely keeping the animal caged as he met the lust in her beautiful brown orbs._

_"I can't wait. I want you here, right now." I declared pressing her into the wall, letting her feel just how badly I wanted, needed her. She shuttered, whether because of my breath sweeping over her sensitive skin or because she could feel me pulsing against her, I don't know but I gave it little thought. My shirt was gone in seconds, as were my pants and boxer briefs; gone and thrown somewhere to my right so I could press my naked skin to hers. Her skin was warm against mine and rippled under my touch—she was so responsive. After sliding on a condom I lifted her up and wrapped her legs around my waist, pausing long enough to make sure this was what she really wanted. Her eyes were closed and I couldn't be sure but she seemed conflicted, hesitant. _

_Could she be having second thoughts? _

_It wouldn't be the first time._

_Nuzzling my nose to my new favorite spot behind her ear I asked if she was all right, fully prepared to stop if she asked it of me. "You have to talk to me sweet girl. Do you want to stop?" She shook her head but said nothing. "What's wrong?"_

_My cock jerked as she took it into her delicate fingers and brought to her drenched center, teasing herself and my restraint. "I can't wait either." _

_Slowly she sank down on me, letting me feel every inch of her. My eyes rolled back into my head as my length sank deeper into her velvet grip, filling her until my head brushed her cervix. I let out a deep throaty groan and gripped her thighs tighter—this was too much. Sex had never felt this way, not even…it had felt this way. I was well past the time in my life where sex was this consuming, I knew well enough what a woman's body felt like but this was a completely new experience. I slid out and back into heaven as slowly as possible, aching to savor every minute of this. _

_My brunette beauty trembled around me each time I moved, her nails digging half moons into my shoulders—she couldn't be close already. Could she? As if answering my unasked question she tightened, gripping me tighter than I thought possible. Apparently she could be this close already. Her lips were moving but I couldn't hear what she was saying, the only sounds I heard were the ones made by our bodies. I snapped out of my blissful stupor as soon as she started coming._

_"That's it, baby. Let go." I murmured into her hair as I surrendered to the orgasm she brought me to._

_"Bel homme, veuillez ne pas me faire mal."_

A throat cleared breaking me out of my reverie while the scent of violets and jasmine still played in the air around me. Damn, the memory had been so potent I could almost smell her, here of all places. The classroom was full, eyes focused on me expectantly, no doubt questioning why their professor had zoned out for whoever knows how long. Clearing my throat, I introduced myself and said a silent prayer, hoping my face or pants didn't belie my stern tone.

"Bienvenue, welcome to Poésie Française: Les Fleurs du Mal. This is a relatively short course, five weeks, two meetings a week with a paper due at the end of each and one final. Other courses are no doubt much longer and require more time but my class will by no means be simple. It is my goal to introduce you all to Baudelaire, his words and the meaning behind them but most of all, his manner of seeing the world around him and in turn the world around you. I think it is only fair that I warn you now, I am quite tough—perhaps tougher than you bargained for in a month long class—and I can speak fluent French as well as you natives. Are there any questions before we begin?"

"You could tell us your name." A girl in a blue blouse called out, her face in her book.

"I'm Professor Cullen. Anything else, Miss…" I asked, willing her to lift her head and look me in the eye. Why the hell was she blushing? I could tell earning the respect of an all French class was going to be a much harder task that I had anticipated.

She looked up quickly, the blush on her ivory skin deepening, "Swan, Professor Cullen. I'm Miss Swan."

I knew those eyes.

_Fuck!_

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**A/N: Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed this chapter feel free to let me know. Until next time.**

**Translations:**

***Un aperitif, mademoiselle**

**A cocktail, miss.**

***Mon dieu, ses doigts se sentent comme le péché. ****N'arrêtez pas!**

**My God, his finger feel like sin. Don't Stop!**

***Me prennent. Maintenant! **

**Take me. Now!**

***Bel homme, veuillez ne pas me faire mal.**

**Beautiful man, don't hurt me. (Not physically but emotionally. She worried about her heart.)**


	2. Hymne à la beauté

**A/N: Thank You to all of you who added and or read the last chapter, on to the next one. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight, SM owns it all. I do, however, own a battered copy of ****Les Fleurs du Mal et Oeuvres Choisies**** and a pair of green lace panties. **

**Enjoy!**

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BPOV

_**Running late. Fashion 911. Get a table and please order me grey goose martini, dirty!**_

_I smiled at the text. Only God himself knew what she's consider a "fashion 911". Walking into Sir Winston Churchill I was greeted with the familiar and smirked. I had stumbled upon it when I first moved to this __arrondisment__ three years ago and fell in love with its English Pub feel. Now it is less popular with the masses which only added to the appeal, at least in my opinion but don't ask Alice. I ordered our drinks and sat down to wait. _

_It was five minutes later that a tall blonde man walked in and sat down at the bar. He was smartly dressed in his navy slacks—that must have been made for him, seeing as they fit him perfectly, everywhere. He had no tie and the top button of his brown dress shirt was open giving him that just "off work" look. The shutters were thrown open and even in the fading daylight I could easily make out the long ride of his nose and the plumpness of his lips. He was beautiful in a manly way, which meant one of three things; he had a wife, he had a girlfriend or he had a boyfriend. It would be a crime to women everywhere if this man was batting for the opposite team but such crimes occurred more often than I liked to admit. I sighed; he was also more than likely __**French**__. I would go there if someone paid me in books, but I could look._

_After ten minutes of looking of the blonde man, I heard Alice. In a voice not suitable for the atmosphere, she announced her arrival to Alec, the bartender. They had gone out a couple of time, had sex more times than either could keep track of yet they still managed to be friends. It was confusing. _

"_Why do you insist on always meeting at this place, it's so far Bella?" Alice bellowed kissing one cheek. "Have you been waiting long? Oohh, my drink, you have no idea how much I need this."_

_I laughed at her, "Would you like a funnel with your vodka or just an IV?"_

"_Shut up, if you had the day I had you'd be drinking like a fish… I sewed my finger three times, blood and blush lace don't get alone very well I'll have you know. I broke a broke my heel on the same crack as I did last week, lost my favorite tube of lipstick and to top it all off some rude Texan moved into the flat down stairs from me and spilled some lemongrass green vomit shake on my very white channel blouse! I had to change four times tonight because of that man!" I watched in horror as she knocked back her drink quickly while signaling with her free hand for another. _

_Alec looked over with a mixture of bewilderment and lust and sent the drink over. That man had it bad. Scanning the place my eyes meet the ones of the beautiful blonde man, he was smiling at me. And oh, what a smile he had. I blushed and looked down at my gin and tonic._

"_Who's the golden Zeus that's got you blushing?" _

"_More like Apollo, Alice." I waved my hand in the air dispassionately, but I knew I was smiling. "He's a gay French man with impeccably well made pants or a married French man with impeccably well made pants. Take your pick, Alice." Quite loudly she declared that he was not gay, he more than likely heard her. _

_"Apollo might have like the sausage but __**HE**__ is__ not gay! No way, no how! Go talk to him, I sure he wouldn't object, in fact the man looks like he's ready to throw you down on a flat surface and f—"_

"_Alice!" I hissed, throwing my hands in the air, frustrated. Would she ever understand? "Didn't you hear me, he's French!"_

_I emphasized on the last word, hoping she'd understand the disdain that dripped from the word. _

"_And, who cares? What are your chances of finding a man in fucking __**Paris**__ that isn't French? You're really hard on French men…they aren't all that way you know." _

"_I'm not hard on-"_

"_That's what she said!" I rolled my eyes; my best friend was twelve. "Listen, he was looking at you when I walked in. Why do you think I made a point to say hello to Alec for such a long time, not for the scintillating conversation? He was looking then and he's still looking now."_

_I took a sip of my drink while she laid out one of her infamous __**plans**__. "I say you go over there, strike up a conversation and sleep with Mr. Well-Made-Pants. Older men are the best type to sleep with, they have experience and they don't cum in less than five minutes without making sure you get yours first. You need to get laid my dear friend, it's been a looong time, and he looks like he could get the job done," Discreetly she devoured him—even I felt violated. "And get the job done very well." _

_I was true but… "You know my rule. Alice, I don't think it's such a good idea."_

_She was talking but I wasn't paying attention because the man was now walking towards us. God, please don't be French, or Gay, or Married, or Taken…or French, I chanted to myself. When he spoke I felt let down, sadden that my chants had been worthless and completely in vain. His voice was deep and smooth like my gin and tonic and when I told him about my rule he smirked wickedly, delighted by some arrant thought. _

_My body flushed, burned and cried out for him._

"_Well, then it's a good thing I'm not a French man, now is it."_

xXXx

It was very early when I woke up. Normally I didn't have to contemplate going to school but this morning, I wanted to say in bed with this warm man. I smiled and brushed a lock of golden hair from his closed eyes. There was a satisfied set in his jaw, softness in his lips as he slept quietly. He looked so peaceful. I propped myself on my elbow I let my eyes sweep over him surprise by my sudden urge to wake and straddle him or straddle his thighs and then wake him but I brushed it aside knowing there wouldn't be enough time—_Damn you school!_ The sheets were just barely covering him, leaving his gold-dusted chest naked and begging to be nibbled, the fine line of hair running down his stomach and under the fabric pleaded with me to lick it. My mouth watered but I stayed put. His legs were kicked out and I suppose it was the artist in me that couldn't help but compare his flanks, his hips and his arms to less impressive physique of the famous David.

_Thank God he's has more to offer a women than that poor excuse for a penis David has to work with_..._Michelangelo could have been a bit more generous with the marble_.

Last night he had played with me, touched me and made me feel like I had died and gone to heaven but this morning_ I_ wanted to play. I wanted to touch him, explore and map out his body, to make his deep blue eyes roll back in euphoria and I was certain he wouldn't object. As if he knew, the path my mind was barreling towards he groaned and thrust his hips into the air. My hand reached out on its own to feel his growing length but when he sighed and rolled onto his side, I pulled my hand back.

Before I molested the poor man I jumped into the shower—a cold shower. I washed my hair and body as quickly as I could, lest I get any ideas. After slipping on my robe I stepped back into the room to find that not only was he still asleep but the sheets had slipped all the way down, leaving him gloriously naked. _Temptation you are a wicked bitch!_ I dressed quickly in the closet, pulling on a pair of drainpipe pants in a confined area is a lot more difficult than one would think. I debated waking him before I left, it seemed very cold to let him wake up to an empty flat, but he had rolled over onto his stomach and his firm ass was up in the air like a sexy speed bump. I couldn't do it, so I settled for a note instead.

The air smelled like freshly baked bread and spring lavender. God, there weren't many things to rival a French autumn but Paris in the spring was hard to resist. Mounting my bike, I headed off into the quite streets making plans as to when and where I could see him again. It wasn't until I was speeding along the right bank of the Seine with the Opera house in my dust that it donned on me. I hadn't signed not or given him my name, nor had he given me his.

Essentially, I had had the greatest sex of my limited life with a stranger. A stranger that I wanted to see again, much more than I should. Was that insane? It _did_ sound exactly like Renee.

_Merde!_

Alice was waiting for me beside an empty parking spot pulling off a balancing act Cirque du Soleil would envy. Somehow she managed a wave, despite the two coffee cup stacked one on top of the other, a ridiculously bedazzled cell phone glued to her ear and a bag slightly larger than her dangling from her shoulder all while standing on six inch heels—the woman was too much for words.

"Here take this," she whispered once the helmet was off and in my lap. God, how would I survive with coffee or Alice? She ended the call while I drank. "You look sexy as hell on that bike, and you totally pull it off. How much do you love me for finding blue leather riding jacket?"

"Very very much, Alice." She beamed. Grabbing my shoulder bag and helmet, we made our way to class. It was in an art class that we first meet and since then she and I would always share at least one art class, this time it was nude figures.

Our professor—an openly sexually experimental women—was nowhere to be found. I suppressed a groan; this would mean Alice had plenty of time to pump me for details from last night.

Heat pooled in my cheeks as my thoughts lingered on the feel of his hands caressing my thighs gently before tightening his grip, the sting from his teeth at my hip.

"So, Golden Zeus was a Sex God come down from Olympus."

Have I mentioned how much I love this woman?

xXXx

"Swan, Professor Cullen. I'm Miss Swan."

I could see his eyes widen in shock. Almost as if I could hear his thoughts I saw him ask himself if I had looked this young last night and for reasons utterly unknown to me, it made me angry.

Within moments of hearing my name, he made some dismissing remark and started to lecture. How could this be the same man? He was so cold and clinical. Of course, I knew what we had done was "against the rules" but this is Paris for fuck sake; affairs were what held the system together. And technically, we hadn't known we were breaking any Student/Teacher fraternization law. So we had sex…great sex…him being my professor was a technicality. Right?

He cleared his throat twice and commenced, torturing me with every smooth word.

"'Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abime, O Beauté ? ton regard, infernal et divin, Verse confusément le bienfait et le crime, Et l'on peut pour cela te comparer au vin.' "

"'Do you come from deep heaven or do you come from hell, O Beauty? Your eyes, infernal and divine, Pour out both goodness and crime, And for that you can be compared to wine. _Hymne a la Beauté_ poses a somewhat strange question for those whom only see one the glorious side of beauty. The misconception that beauty is one sided is not one Baudelaire shared. He believed that like all things there are two sides, two complicating ideas. He goes to ask whether it is demonic or divine, if it comes from heaven or hell, suggesting that Beauty can be seen as either greatest pleasure or deepest torment—that they often walk hand and hand. This game of ambiguous ping-pong plays through the entire poem—conflicting ideas stand together like the comparison to wine, as it has the same inebriating effect. Beauty blurs the line good and evil, innocence and deceit, pleasure and temptation. Wine has been known for ages to release our inner most desires, our baser wants as much as our human nature without limits.

"Who hasn't woken up in a strange bed after getting inordinately pissed?"

The class laughed while I felt sick.

Did he just poke the pink sex elephant on purpose or was that accidental? Was he drunk—pissed—he didn't seem drunk last night?_ And pissed_? British people used _pissed_ and British bloke he was not.

"Much like wine or any other social lubricate, under the influence of Beauty ethics are over looked and morals discarded, right and wrong become impossible to discern."

He continued to recite the rhyme line by line in the language it was written in ages ago, his voice dripping with some unnamed emotion. I watched with rapt attention as he explained the meaning of the faint human traits in Baudelaire's Beauty—his muse more than likely being his mistress, Jean Duval. Hellish fire behind blazing sun set eyes, fiery imagery soothed by the serenity of a phantom fragrance only to be contradicted in the next line by the mention of a drug, a philtre kiss that turn man to child and hero to coward.

Professor Cullen's French was flawless, natural and devoid the degrading errors in pronunciation you sometimes heard in those who learned from books. It was only then that he understood every foreign word I had uttered last night.

_Alice had suggested we down stairs and dance, he agreed quickly hold his hand out to mine, prepared to lead the way. When I tripped on the first step he grabbed my waist, making sure I didn't take deadly tumble. I expected him to release me but he didn't, as if I was a doll he held on to me. My skin blazed as his strong hands grazed the skin of my lower back. I asked if he was always so courteous which earned me a positively charming chuckle before he brought his lips to my ear and whispered._

"_I do try but we aren't perfect are we?" His nose traced the rim of my ear before he pulled away._

" _Alice, cet homme va me tuer. Tout qu'il a fait a été mis ses lèvres à mon oreille et je deviens fou, ce qui je fais quand il met ces lèvres à l'bon usage." _

_Alice laughed and said I'd more than likely die. NO death would be as pleasant. What a way to go!_

_I had thought his lips were insanely sexy but when his hands went to my hips as we danced, swaying with the music and sensually guiding me I found out how wrong I was. His hips brushed mine, his muscular leg between mine working me into frenzy. I could hardly catch my breath. Dancing with this man was…Zut Alors, there weren't words for it._

"_You're very flush. Is it the dancing?" He asked, grinding delicately, yet deliberately against me. I may have moaned. "Or is it something else." _

"_Je pense que vous savez pourquoi je suis rincé. Merde, est-il possible à être c__eci réveillé d'une fichue danse ?" _

I squirmed in my seat, the memory of that night was...diverting. Suddenly my pants were uncomfortable, my bra too tight and the room too warm. Shit, just thinking about it was getting me worked up. Damn, would we have had sex this morning if I had blown off school? Would he have told me his name? Would I have recalled having heard his name last week? I licked my lips as countless questions tumbled in my head along with snapshots of his body pressed against mine. He chose that moment to look up at me with a scowl.

What the hell was his problem?

If he had told me his name before we fucked, he wouldn't be looking at me as if I was the devil, Beauty. I would have just been another student and then at least I wouldn't have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. _It was just one night get over it._

"Miss Swan, would it too much to ask that while you are in my classroom that you remain in my classroom not just in body but in mind as well? Do you have the slightest clue what I just said?"

Yes, I can do more than one thing at a time, you ass.

"You were explaining the relationship between Beauty and Horror. Horror being called a "dazzling jewel" implying that its charms are used to make Beauty more tempting than it actually is. If horror is a decoration, than Beauty uses Murder like a pawn in a game. It is my understanding that in this game Beauty is matched toe to tip with those who cannot see her charms _without_ the evidence of danger."

_Ha, stick that your pipe. Close your mouth professor, you look like imbecile. _

"Luck—if only by sheer allure –seems to be among your jewels, Miss Swan. Next time you might not be as lucky, so it would be prudent for you to pay attention." He snapped as soon as he recovered.

I had the right mind to throw my helmet at his beautiful face. _If only by sheer allure_…as if I allure or fucking luck were responsible for my intellect.

_Abruti égotiste!_

The man for last night and this Professor Cullen were like night and day. Two side of the same coin, passionate and charming, alluring and warm but cold and harsh on the flip side. He turned his back to us, his ass looking just as mouth watering in those pants as the one from last night. Damn, did he have his tailor produce countless pairs of these disarming trousers? The women to my right were worshiping his stature; his broad back and slender waist, the curve of his backside and the thighs that preceded it.

_It looks even better without all the fabric in the way._

What was I thinking? Fuck if this isn't ridiculous. I wasn't Rene. I wasn't that person.

I flushed, as he looked right at me.

"'The panting Lover bending over his mistress Resembles a dying man caressing his tomb.' This stanza speaks of men's weakness to the female and cunning sex. Like a moth, he is drawn to Beauty knowing it will be the end of him but has no will to stop it, rather seeing his ultimate demise as a form of martyrdom, as if he is dying a noble man of his cause. In line, 19 and 20 a direct line is drawn between a lover giving pleasure and someone knowing his path ends in death and welcomes it. This connection centers on the notion that Beauty had motive for both love and death."

Collette, his eager TA, passed out the prompts for our paper, but it seemed that perfect professor had miscounted. I sighed at the idea of having to ask him for it after class; I didn't want to face _this_ man anymore than I had to.

"As you can see, on the paper is your writing assignment. They are all essentially the same but the difference in each is large enough that no one will be able to copy the other. Original thought is far more valuable than redundant ones."

Venturing from his podium, he began to wander up each aisle as he recited the final stanza.

" 'De Satan ou de Dieu, qu'importe? Ange ou Sirène, Qu'importe, si tu rends, —fée aux yeux de velours, Rhythme, parfum, lueur, —o mon unique reine !—" Professor Cullen stopped at my desk and placed a sheet of paper face down on my desk before walking back to his platform, "'L'univers moins hideux et les instants moins lourds.'"

I turned over the paper, and let the breath out I hadn't been aware I was holding. The writing assignment, fairly simple—even where my allure and luck were concerned, but towards the bottom in graceful black ink was exactly what I had been hoping to avoid.

**After class come to my office, we need to talk about some things.**

_Merde!_

* * *

**A/N: What do you think? Love it? Like it? Hate it? Ideas?**

**Up next…Bella and Carlisle in his office, I wonder what will go down. And what is his problem? Things happen, no need to throw elbows. ****Bad Professor!**

**Translations:**

***Alice, cet homme va me tuer. Tout qu'il a fait a été mis ses lèvres à mon oreille et je deviens fou, ce qui je fais quand il met ces lèvres à l'bon usage.**

**Alice, this man is going to kill me. All he did was put his lips to my ear and I am going crazy, what will I do when he puts those lips to good use.**

***Je pense que vous savez pourquoi je suis rincé. Merde, est-il possible à être ceci réveillé d'une fichue danse ?**

**I think you know why I am flushed. Shit, is it possible to be this aroused from a damn dance?**

***Zut Alors**

_**Dang it **_

*******Abruti égotiste!**

**Egotistical ass hole**

**Poem in both French and English.**

**French:**

**Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abîme,  
O Beauté? ton regard, infernal et divin,  
Verse confusément le bienfait et le crime,  
Et l'on peut pour cela te comparer au vin.**

**Tu contiens dans ton oeil le couchant et l'aurore;  
Tu répands des parfums comme un soir orageux;  
Tes baisers sont un philtre et ta bouche une amphore  
Qui font le héros lâche et l'enfant courageux.**

**Sors-tu du gouffre noir ou descends-tu des astres?  
Le Destin charmé suit tes jupons comme un chien;  
Tu sèmes au hasard la joie et les désastres,  
Et tu gouvernes tout et ne réponds de rien.**

**Tu marches sur des morts, Beauté, dont tu te moques;  
De tes bijoux l'Horreur n'est pas le moins charmant,  
Et le Meurtre, parmi tes plus chères breloques,  
Sur ton ventre orgueilleux danse amoureusement.**

**L'éphémère ébloui vole vers toi, chandelle,  
Crépite, flambe et dit: Bénissons ce flambeau!  
L'amoureux pantelant incliné sur sa belle  
A l'air d'un moribond caressant son tombeau.**

**Que tu viennes du ciel ou de l'enfer, qu'importe,  
Ô Beauté! monstre énorme, effrayant, ingénu!  
Si ton oeil, ton souris, ton pied, m'ouvrent la porte  
D'un Infini que j'aime et n'ai jamais connu?**

**De Satan ou de Dieu, qu'importe? Ange ou Sirène,  
Qu'importe, si tu rends, — fée aux yeux de velours,  
Rythme, parfum, lueur, ô mon unique reine! —  
L'univers moins hideux et les instants moins lourds?**

_**English**_

**Do you come from Heaven or rise from the abyss,  
Beauty? Your gaze, divine and infernal,  
Pours out confusedly benevolence and crime,  
And one may for that, compare you to wine.**

**You contain in your eyes the sunset and the dawn;  
You scatter perfumes like a stormy night;  
Your kisses are a philtre, your mouth an amphora,  
Which make the hero weak and the child courageous.**

**Do you come from the stars or rise from the black pit?  
Destiny, bewitched, follows your skirts like a dog;  
You sow at random joy and disaster,  
And you govern all things but answer for nothing.**

**You walk upon corpses which you mock, O Beauty!  
Of your jewels Horror is not the least charming,  
And Murder, among your dearest trinkets,  
Dances amorously upon your proud belly.**

**The dazzled moth flies toward you, O candle!  
Crepitates, flames and says: "Blessed be this flambeau!"  
The panting lover bending o'er his fair one  
Looks like a dying man caressing his own tomb,**

**Whether you come from heaven or from hell, who cares,  
O Beauty! Huge, fearful, ingenuous monster!  
If your regard, your smile, your foot, open for me  
An Infinite I love but have not ever known?**

**From God or Satan, who cares? Angel or Siren,  
Who cares, if you make, — fay with the velvet eyes,  
Rhythm, perfume, glimmer; my one and only queen!  
The world less hideous, the minutes less leaden?**


	3. The Enemy

**A/N: Thanks for reading, adding and or reviewing! I love the feedback.**

**I own nothing related to Twilight saga. I do, however, own a pair of red oxford shoes, reading glasses and a white dress shirt.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

CPOV**  
**

Life fucking imitated art. Every question asked in that poem I asked myself during that excruciating ninety minutes of hell. _Miss Swan, Viens-tu du ciel profond ou sors-tu de l'abime ? _Obviously, a higher power chose to screw with me today, I decided while remembering her blush, the sliver of pale skin that peaked out from under the lace of her top, her lips as she responded to me. God this women would be the death of my career, and me.

Here in the solace of my office, I could regain my control but then I remembered I had asked her to meet me in my office. _Fuck!_ Closing my eyes against the throbbing headache, I tried to focus on calming my body. This was the price I paid for contacts, irritated eyes and a raging headache; I might as well wear my glasses. Behind my eyelids, her raw anger replaced the image of Miss Swan's perfect thighs. I was sure she was seconds form throwing her textbook at my face and oddly enough, my treacherous dick twitched at fire I saw in her eyes. _This isn't going to help you relax._ I knew I had insulated her the moment I open my mouth but I was powerless to stop it, I wanted her attention. Her eyes had glazed over and refused to even look at me or acknowledge that I was teaching. It was infuriating. The to add insult to injury I demanded that she meet me in my office.

What was I thinking? Of course, I knew the answer to that question. In those last minutes of class I panicked, time was running out and I needed to think quickly. I simply wanted to be around her again, to see her watch me with something other than irritation or rage—I wanted to see the girl from last night. Write the note was an impulse.

Impulse, that's what was wrong with me around this woman. _Being impulsive is always the downfall, Carlisle; you should know that by now._

I groaned and thought of Esme, she had been an impulse as well. Sometimes I truly missed her but other times the anger won over. How could she…we were supposed to be in it together. I felt the pain too.

A soft knock broke me from my walk down memory lane. I assumed it was Miss Swan and steeled my nerve.

"Carlisle William Cullen, you better have been shitting none stop and unable to reach a phone. You promised me you'd call the second you got to France." I winced. She middle named me, that hadn't happened in a good twenty years. "Well, are you going to say hello or are you going to sit there looking guilty?"

"Sorry Rose." What more could I say. She face softened and I knew I was forgiven.

"Well, ok, but I'm still pissed so don't try to be your charming self. It may have worked on my cousin but not on me. How was your first day?" Rose asked gracefully sitting in one of the undoubtedly uncomfortable chairs. I stayed silent.

How much could I tell her? Sure, she had been confidant through the years, she knew everything about me but suddenly _I had sex with a student_ _and can't stop fantasizing about taking her on my_ _desk_ seemed out of the realm of understanding, even for Rose.

"Not good I see." I sighed at her tone. If it wasn't anger it was indifference but she cared, I knew she loved me.

"No, not good, Rose. Some students are going to be troublesome but it could have been worse." She was going to keep digging but I stopped her, "So Rose what brings you here. I know you didn't come only to yell at me for not calling, so spill."

"Jasper has finally finished clearing all the boxes…thank god. He hasn't had a decent meal he left home so Emmett, the kids and I are going to his place to have dinner and catch up, you know enjoy some family time." I knew she had missed him, twins were hard to separate hence Jasper's move. "You're coming and you'll have a great time. It's not a question or request. Be there around six. "

As quickly as she came she left, but not without a hug and kiss. Family time, I missed family time. A flicker of pain lanced my vision; I replaced the useless contacts with my black frames and instantly felt better. Rose and Jasper had always called them my nerd frames but I liked them.

I wondered, briefly, if Miss Swan wore glasses. A picture of her sitting on my desk with my black frames sliding off her nose, an oxford white shirt hanging off her shoulders and a book in her tiny hands popped into my head. _Professor Cullen, do you like my shirt? I wore it just for you._ I nodded stupidly at the conjured voice, my pants tightening at the mere thought. _I thought you'd like it but I was wondering…would you like it better if it was off? _

"Professor Cullen." The same voice called. Damn this girl's timing. "May I come in?"

I answered her with a grunt. It was all I could manage, seeing as the sight of her reading to me, naked laying across my desk was slowly retreating. She walked in, took one look at my face and blushed. If I hadn't already been hard a second ago I would have harden the second she came into the tiny warm room. Today she looked so much younger than last night; her eyes had been dark and her full lips red like wine but now her face was naked, her lashes were long and dark against her rose and cream skin. To be honest I wasn't really looking at her face.

Much to my chagrin, my eyes trailed over her body.

Legs I knew to be creamy and sweet were encase in skintight black denim; her feet were in red oxfords much like my own but her top was the most painful, blue leather motorcycle jacket. Jesus! This woman came for the deepest circle of hell to kill me.

"May I sit?" She may come from hell but her voice was heavenly. I nodded fully aware that I was scowling at her.

I intended to do this in French, I could be stern in French but she didn't allow me that. She didn't allow me anything.

"Listen, I don't want to be rude but I have to be somewhere in half an hour and if you just called me in here to glare at me I'm leaving. We can ignore the pink sex elephant if you want but I don't see why we should. I didn't know who you were and you didn't know me…it was—"

_Pink Sex Elephant?_ "A mistake," I muttered under my breath but she heard me.

"A _"pissed"_ mistake, one you weren't forced to make, correct? I assume you have free will or are you cowardly enough to blame this on me." She responded evenly.

"Isab—"

"Miss Swan."

"Fine, Miss Swan. I would appreciate it you would refrain from insulting me and listen. We are not going to talk about _whatever_ happened last night under any circumstances. I woke in a strange apartment alone without an explanation and that doesn't sit too well with me. Call it cowardly if you want but what type of girl leaves without a word?" She bristled at my implication of what type of girl she was but, thankfully, stayed quiet. "I'm here for a month, so what did or didn't happen doesn't matter but for the time being you and I are to remain strictly professional, understood?" She nodded slowly. "Seeing _your_ face, of all faces, in my classroom was not expected or desired but in—"

"I left a note; it was by the door...Obviously that wasn't enough seeing as you felt the need to insult _me _without reason." She snapped, crossing her arms creating the most appetizing cleavage. I fought and lost the battle to keep my eyes on her face.

"You weren't paying attention but insulting you wasn't my intention." _Still not an apology, Carlisle._ Well, she hasn't apologized for not giving me her name. _Yeah that's what you're pissed at, you didn't give her yours. Hypocrite._

"It wasn't you intention but you're not sorry either_. _I wasn't looking at you but I was paying attention, there is a difference. And I suppose it was my luck or, how did you put it? Oh, yeah, my allure that answered your question, right? There's no way I could actually know what I'm talking about." She looked crestfallen, an insult to her mind was a deep injury apparently or perhaps it was my saying last night was a mistake. Women don't take to kindly to being called mistakes.

Suddenly, realization lit her eyes, "Are you saying that you don't remember…anything?"

"I remember that we meet at Sir Winstons, _your_ friend suggested dancing, _you_ grinded on me and then nothing." I lied.

Shit! Her face twisted in a combination of sadness and hatred. In truth, _I _approached her, _I _danced sensually with her, _I_ asked if could we leave and _I_ remember every second of last night.

"You were drunk." Isabella whispered. "How can you be sure we did anything?"

"There's the fact that I woke up naked and smelling like _you_, in your apartment this morning." She winced. That was harsh, I made it sound like smelling like her was a bad thing.

It was quite pleasant.

"Well, I can assure you it won't happen again. I can forget _whatever_ happened last night—no need to ever mention it, besides you'll be gone in a month and it won't matter. Is there anything else or may I leave?"

"Some respect would be nice, Miss Swan, I am your professor after all." Damn, why was I being such a dick?

She turned to leave but stopped at the door, "With all due respect Professor Cullen, that is something you earn not something you gain by a title and door with you name painted on the glass."

I looked after her, shocked that she had verbally deflated me and promptly left. Well, that hadn't gone the way I wanted. As soon as I pried my eyes away from where she had been standing, I noticed a helmet on the chair beside the one Isabella had been sitting in.

Grabbing it, jogged out the door and called her name. I could see her brown hair at the far end of the hall so I ran after her. Miss Swan was lost in the crowd of people, outside there was no way of knowing where she had parked or if she decided to risk riding without the helmet—which seemed like a utterly foolish thing to do. Walking further out into the spring afternoon I scanned the street once more, just to make sure I hadn't missed her.

I spotted her jacket first and then her face. Isabella was sitting on her bike, looking dejected and pissed, talking on the phone. _Had I been such an ass she felt the need to call someone? _As I got closer, I heard her conversation.

"I left my helmet in his office and I really don't want to go back for it…would get it for me? Come on please I don't want to see his face anymore that I have to."

I guess I deserved that but it still hurt.

"I've picked up organza for you from your buyer in fucking Nice and fetched onyx buttons from your boss at five in the morning so you could finish a creation and you can't do this for me Alice." She paused, listening to her friend's excuse. "You don't understand, Pixie, he isn't just a prick professor…the guy from last night…No Alice please don't keep calling him a sex god….That's the point! The professor and the guy from Churchill are one and the same."

A man with dark black hair walked past her, eye fucking her sweet ass. I felt the sudden urge to cover her…stick her in a bubble.

"That is not funny Alice! I'm fucked…even more so now." I knew I was intruding, but I couldn't walk away. I was rooted on the spot. "He's just not…he's not the same. He's arrogant and insulting. He basically said I was luck and pretty face! This isn't funny Alice, stop fucking laughing! You of all people know that this is the last thing I needed right now…no he doesn't remember. I'm so damn sick of men using inebriation as an excuse. First Jacob and now-"

She looked up suddenly and I swear if looks could kill my heart would have exploded before I had the chance to feel what ended my life.

With a quick albeit terse 'I have to go' she ended the phone call with her friend. I expected her to say something to me, yell or at the very least ask me what the fuck I wanted but she didn't. Straddling her bike—a Ducati 1198S no less—Isabella stayed, not moving or looking at me. Was it wrong to be incredibly and painfully aroused by the vision before me when she obviously hated me? My body didn't care about wrong or right, it was looking for her, remembering her warmth.

Moments or hours passed while I stood there like an imbecile holding the source of that desperate phone call. What should I say? Should I even speak at all?

"What?" It was simple, but in the syllable there was a world of meaning. Silently I begged her to look up—I hated talking to the top of people's heads—but when she did I almost asked her to let me talk to the top of _her_ head. Her expression was empty, wiped clean of all the emotions I had seen playing over it only moments ago.

Cold. It was icy cold.

I didn't like it but I suppose I didn't have the right to ask for anything other. I still wasn't sure if she wanted me to speak.

"What do you want?"

I held up her helmet but she made no move to grab it. "I'm sorry."

"For fucking me, yeah you already conveyed your regret Professor. I believe the word _mistake _covers your sentiment quite nicely." I looked around to see if anyone had heard her. Students were out here damn it!

"Watch your mouth, they're people around. You don't need to get so angry, Isabella—"

"May I have my helmet?" Apparently telling her not get angry was the wrong thing to say. _Jesus, Cullen when will you learn? Never, I mean, never tell a women how to feel. This shit is so basic you should have mastered it ages ago. _

"Here," I handed it to her and it didn't go unnoticed how much out of her way she went to ensure our skin didn't touch.

"Merci, _Professor Cullen_."

xXXx

It was a nice night and my place wasn't very far from Jasper's flat so I decided to walk. I had always wanted to go to France when I was a child—it intrigued me even then. I suppose I owed this particular fascination to my father. One day he came home with a book about a little prince and an obsession was formed. I learned French, dreamed of trips I'd take to the city of lights, read countless French books. No one quite understood why I was so devoted but now it all seemed…superfluous. It was a city albeit beautiful and diverse but a city just the same. I passed a couple having a rather loud conversation about sexual positions and smiled to myself and continued on my way. Before I knew it, I was face to face with Jasper's building on rue Danton.

"Carlisle, man it's good to see you." He hugged me softly and instantly I felt calm. Jasper had this effect. "You want a beer?"

"I miss you too. A beer sounds…perfect." I fell into the couch and closed my eyes. I needed this.

"Tough day?" He asked passing me my beer, sitting on the couch next to me. I nodded and took a drink. "You look like shit man, no offence, so I'll tease you about the glasses later."

"Thanks, so glad you can contain yourself." I offered without any emotion.

"Somthin' weighin' on your mind…I'm here man, you know that."

I nodded still unwilling to discuss what my problem was—truth be told I didn't know what it was. "Tell me about you pictures. You have a gallery yet?"

"No, no gallery yet but that's fine, I find one. In the meantime, I'm shooting around here, toying with the idea of doing a series on the Seine. The rest of my photos from Texas are getting shipped out here soon so I'll have plenty to show, you know …when I find the gallery space."

"You'll find the space, I could help if you'd like." Jasper was a fantastic photographer; he always managed to capture the soul without robbing it of its mystery. I loved his work.

Looking around I had expected Rose to be here already, it was well past six and yet her and troupe were nowhere to be seen. "What's for dinner exactly, you didn't cook…did you?" I still shutter at the thought of his breakfast tofu surprise.

He gave me a sour look. "NO. Ass, I didn't cook, won't. Rose said she would be taking care of it but she's late. _She's_ never late. Emmett must have done something stupid."

Ten minutes later, there was a call, Nikki and Jackson had fevers, Rose was feeling sick as well and Emmett had to take care of all three of them so coming to Latin Quarter wasn't in the cards. Just like that, family time vanished and the night turned into take-away and beer. Don't get me wrong he's as much a cousin to me as he was to Esme but I had been looking forward to seeing Rose's twins and Emmett's personality.

"So, can you tell me why my neighbor was trashing you earlier?"

I practically choked on my food, "What?"

Why would his neighbor have anything to say about me?

"Well, I don't know if it was you but I heard a whole hell of a lot of _Cullen, he's a dead man_ and _what a dick_ then something about a _Sex God_ and _Olympus_. Want share with the class man? "

Shit. I knew where I had heard that phrase, and though it should have boosted my ego it only reminded me of this afternoon. Fuck, when people say it's a small world you never really expect it to be that small. What are the odds…perhaps there's another Cullen? I was just about to open my mouth when we heard a loud thump in the hall.

We both jumped up and headed for the door. Jasper ripped the door open and grinned like an idiot.

"Hello, Darlin', nice evenin'. Would you like some help with that?"

I looked around and my worst fears were confirmed. Alice. Isabella's Alice. Her short hair was smoothed back with a head band and her face was drawn in anger I had come to recognize. _Were they sisters?_ She did resemble Isabella, the same pale skin and dark hair, they even had the same murderous glare but then again Alice didn't have an accent.

"Don't _Hello Darlin'_ me cowboy. The green gunk you spilled all over my shirt is not coming out and that was Chanel. I don't do wheatgrass, lemongrass, or any other kind of grass, so quit it. " She looked over to me, back at Jas then snapped back to me. " Well, look who's here. You're lucky Bella needs me right now or I swear I'd go to work on you right this moment. I don't care how hot you are they wouldn't recognize you after I'm through. I'm watching you _Cullen_."

For such a tiny thing she really was terrifying but I was really getting tired of the way those two women sneered my name. She pushed past us, shifting take away bags to the other arm and started up the narrow stairway. Bella?

Hmm, her friends called her Bella.

It was fitting.

"I'm going to marry that girl. Who's Bella?"

"I'll tell you inside."

Jasper was more understanding that I thought he would be but he pretty much ripped me new one for lying. You never lie to a woman, never; it always comes back to bite you in the ass. I knew this but lying to her was easier. Then he smacked the back of my head for insulting her, for calling her a mistake and for being an enormous moron.

"That's rough. But what would make you to lie about not remembering what you both obviously enjoyed. In her defense she left you a note…I don't think she did anything wrong."

"Of course you don't. I do, that's the point. She should have woken me, fuck told me her name, not let me think this was random only to have it blow up in my face. Despite what you did in Texas, professors and student are not supposed to fuck each other."

"First, you're not talking about this girl anymore and you know it. At some point, you're going to have to let go of this. Bella has nothing to do with this. And second, it's only wrong if you do it knowingly. The girl's right, neither of you knew. And it's not like you're going dip your wick in that again now that you _do_ know." I was silent for a while, who says _Dip your Wick_? "Unless you want to…"

I shrugged and decided it was time to head back. We said our goodbyes and he promised to keep his mouth shut about all of this but knowing him Rose would know under the hour, followed by Emmett and the entire Platt clan. I stayed out in the hallway reluctant to go back to an empty space again.

"Bella, you going to be okay? Don't give me that look, I'm just saying, you can stay here if you want." Why was it that I always was around to eavesdrop on their conversations? "Honey?"

"Pixie, I'm just tired." I could hear the sadness in her sweet voice; it hurt me. "I'm everyone's mistake and it gets old."

"You aren't mine, Babe. I could cut him if you want." Fuck this girl was crazy. I was going to have to watch out for Alice.

"It's not really about him. I just thought I saw something there, the sex was…different, deeper so I assumed the man would be the same. Stupid me. That's what I get for being a tramp for the day, right? How you do it all the time."

"Shut up! Oh, you don't look so sad to me…get your sexy ass out of here before I decide I need to cut you!"

"Bye Ali, babe."

As clear, as if she was right in front of me I saw Isabella mount her bike a speed away. The sound died away, faded and became lost with the sounds of this city. I hoped she remembered her helmet.

"You really think it was a mistake?" My eyes snapped open at the sound.

"Excuse me?"

"The sex with Bella, you really think it was a mistake?" I didn't answer. "You really don't remember?"

I shook my head, digging myself deeper.

"Hmm, that's a shame; I had a feeling about you. I guess even _I _can be wrong sometimes. Do me a favor yeah? Stay away from her."

I didn't agree but then again Alice didn't wait for me to do so. At Sir Winston's she seemed to be on my side, nudged Isabella towards me, left to give us alone time but now, I was blacklisted. Now, she demanded that I stay away.

Carlisle Cullen, the enemy; I didn't like the sound of that.

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**A/N:Thoughts?**


	4. Just like her

**A/N: Thank you to those of you, whom review, add and continue to read this story, you rock my socks!**

**Twilight and its character belong to Mrs. Meyer. I own nothing, but I do, however, have a subscription to Vogue and can make a wicked good grilled chicken sandwich with honey almond glaze.**

**Read and enjoy.**

* * *

BPOV

"Dad," I called setting down the mail on the counter, looking around the house and coming up empty.

Where was he? "Père!"

"Bella?" He asked, his voice coming from somewhere outside. Sure enough, he was in the back, pruning a rose bush. Before he retired this place looked like a wasteland, now it was nothing short of a secret garden, time that wasn't spent fishing was spent out there. You'd never figure Charlie for a green thumb. "I was just finishing up…"

"Charlie, who else calls you dad? Do I have a brother or sister you haven't told me about?" He just smiled and touched my cheek lovingly.

"Only you, ducky…only you."

I rolled my eyes at the nickname and went back inside to start gathering lunch. It was nice being the only one but to my father it was bittersweet. I knew he had wanted more children, when I was younger, he mentioned adopting in passing but when he saw my reaction the idea was quickly forgotten. I had always been terrified of losing him, sharing my only parent with someone else was horrifying—selfish as it was my reasons ran deep.

Just being with my dad took some of the edge off the fuckery that was my life. I had slept with a stranger and somehow it felt deeper than it ever did with Jacob. But then he turned out to be, well, a damn stranger, one that made me angry and attempted to make me feel inferior and unwanted. The worst reaction of all was that my body literally ached for the man; it had only been two days and I craved him. It was driving me mad, my flat was tortuous—the wall he took me against taunted me. The bed laughed and mirror judged—hence the trip to the one place that was always safe.

Dad.

Soon enough lunch was ready; grilled chicken sandwich with a honey almond glaze and sugarplum ice cream.

"Ducky, you take such good care of me." Damn with the ducky already! Will I ever live it down?

We ate lunch in silence, much like we always did, but it was a nice comfortable silence.

"So," he stared on his ice cream once his plate was reduced to crumbs. "What's the matter? Not that I don't love to see you here but, well, you were a surprise."

Internally I snorted; no truer statement had ever been said.

"Rien, papa, juste—Nothing…I just needed to see you, that's all. Do you like the glaze, I made it yesterday?" He nodded and let the subject drop. This is what I loved about him. He didn't push me, knowing that when I needed to talk I'd find him. I looked up to find him watching me, like he always watched me; I even knew the words that would come out of his mouth.

"You look so much like your mother, Isabella, it's unbelievable. The same lips and nose…" He trailed off, fighting back a chocked sob. With his gaze firmly set on the wall behind me I knew he was studying her picture with love—I couldn't sympathize, empathize or find traces of either one.

Renee.

She was a spoiled French socialite with too much attention, money, and even more boyfriends. Yes, she was beautiful. Jolie everyone used to say when her name was mentioned and I did look like a carbon copy except for my brown eyes. My father had kind eyes, warm and deep while the blue eyes I use to see on glossy magazine covers were cold and flat.

"You even have that _je ne sai quoi_ that makes people want to know you, just like she did." I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat. I was nothing like her.

She had met my father, a shy American police officer on vacation and seduced him. They married young and about a heartbeat later, I was born. I suppose Renee never figured she'd get pregnant at all yet alone so quickly and I had a nagging feeling that if it hadn't been for Charlie she would have gotten rid of me…in a way she did. My father never told me why she left but the house cleaners at my grandfather's house had been there and loved to gossip, oblivious to the fact that I was still in the room. At five, I really was too young to learn that particular story. I cried for days, but at least I was informed.

"I'm proud of the women you've become Bella." You wouldn't if you knew what I did, on a Sunday no less. "Renee would have been proud of you, honey; she would have been beaming if she were here. I know she would."

"Sure." He gave me a scolding look but said nothing, choosing to get and check the mail instead of argue. This subject had been exhausted. Biology be damned, she wasn't my mother and he knew how I felt.

I was two weeks old when she left. She said this wasn't what her life was meant to be. Her marriage was just a mistake and she couldn't be trapped into it by another mistake, me. I never knew her, but I knew of her, everyone in Paris did. She was infamous for going to parties, drinking and screwing anything with a dick and there were whispers of female lovers, which would have been fine had she had the grace to divorce Charlie first. She'd call days after my birthday, late enough that I was always woken up to receive the call. It was as if someone was forcing her hand and I could never hear her over the raging music in the background. Grand père had been so heartbroken that she left me and Charlie both that whenever Charlie had to work—which was very often—he'd take over. She died when I was nine and I didn't find out from a loved one, nope, I read it on the cover of tabloid trash a girl threw at my lap after yelling that my mother was a whore. The headline read that Pairs' party girl Renee Swan and young lover, Luca, died on the scene in the French Rivera. On some road in Cote d'Azur she wrapped her shinny pretentious car around a tree; both she and her sex toy were intoxicated. Fuck with the damn drunk excuse.

I couldn't see how my father still loved her…she was horrible.

"Dad. I have to head back but I'm having a showing next week, will you come?" I knew he would but I asked anyway.

"Of course, Bella, I'll be there." When he looked up and smiled, I wondered when exactly my father had aged and my heart gave a familiar shudder at the thought of losing him.

He walked me out, catching me when I tripped over the same uneven brick paver. Sure I could maneuver on heels, pin thin stilettos, and heeled boots but that was now and for some reason wherever I came home, I reverted back to my less coordinated self.

"You know I don't like that bike." He admonished, waving to his neighbor.

"I know, but Dad I'm safe…you worry too much. Who's that?" I thought I heard him mutter something about my being all he had but I couldn't be sure.

"Emmett McCarty, he, his new wife and twins are my new neighbors." I arched a brow. "What, Montmartre is a wonderful place to raise children, I should know." I could tell my dad liked the man, though why I didn't know.

"Hey, Swan my man. The wife sends a Hey, Charlie, from inside the bubble." The huge man called loudly from his yard, waving excitedly like a child, "Hello, little Swan, nice wheels!"

I waved timidly. How did he know me? Charlie gave me a sheepish grin and I knew how.

"Bye, Ducky. Please be safe…don't drive too fast."

I promised to safe, but skirted the request to slow down.

xXXx

"Umm," He moaned against my skin, while his hands ghosted over my hips and legs. "Open your legs for me…I want to feel you."

I complied almost instantly, and felt his finger caress my wet slit, over, up and down, but never in. His thick arousal twitched against my leg and suddenly the need to have him, any part of him, inside of me became rabid. But he intended on teasing me. Bastard. How would he react if I took charge and sunk my own finger in my pussy? I blushed at the thought.

"Isabella, my dear, you're blushing, why? I've seen, touched and," he licked the underside of my breast, "tasted everything. I know your body and it knows me."

It was true; my body knew him, called for him and warmed at his very proximity.

"Have I told you how arousing that is, your skin is so warm and soft. I could just devour you, sweet girl." I stifled a moan as his lips wrapped around my nipple, tugging it gently, "No need to keep your sounds from me, I've heard them before. I need to hear to hear you now." His skilled fingers ran up my ribs at painstaking pace that had me panting. He bit my nipple and I cried out, loudly.

"That's my girl." He moved to the other nipple and lavished it with his mouth much like the first on only he didn't bite…he sucked.

"Carlisle, J'ai besoin de toi. S'il vous plaît!"

"Not yet…patience, Isabella." In a searing kiss, I felt everything I had felt the night he approached me at the bar; uncontrollable desire and a sense of hopelessness. "You'll have me soon enough."

Carlisle trailed open mouthed kisses down my sternum, across my ribs and belly. He seemed to have a fascination with my hipbones but I didn't mind, quite the opposite in fact. Feeling his warm breath so close to my pussy was delicious torment—the type apparently only he could inflict on me. He placed a kiss on my mound and looked up at me with burning blue eyes that set me further on fire.

"Ou bien toi, grande Nuit, fille de Michel-Ange, Qui tors paisiblement dans une pose étrange, Tes appas façonnés aux bouches des Titans !"

Two fingers plunged deep, caressed me and pulled out. He did it again bringing his mouth to my clit, nibbling at the swollen bud. I was too close, my skin stretched taut over my bones, every cell in my body ignited prepared to fight a foreign war. I didn't want to fight, I wanted to surrender to him and to the sensations he was creating. Something had to give. I clenched around him but then he was gone. Panicked my eyes snapped open to find him hovering over me.

"You have beautiful eyes, Isabella. Look at me."

He filled me in one slow unhurried thrust. Pulling out he entered me even slower than before, making sure I felt every inch of his impressively thick inches.

Damn, Carlisle! My eyes rolled back in my head as his pace quickened, his powerful hips nailing me to the bed each time.

"Isabella, you're close. I can feel you…stop fighting it. Come for me, sweet girl."

I woke suddenly, before I came. Fuck! It must be some cruel twisted joke that my subconscious had Carlisle quoting poetry, especially that poem. Sleep was useless at this point and I needed a shower. After cooling off, I changed the damp sheets and climbed into bed to read. It was only after the second page that I realized that I was reading his book, yet again.

A tear rolled down my cheek before I dashed it away. I had read this book over and over while curled up in this bed, trying to imagine what the man that wrote with such passion and intelligence would be like, but more so what he would look like. The book jacket was devoid of a picture and held the barest of biographies.

Dr. Carlisle W. Cullen, professor of Gothic literature Northwestern University, holds doctorate in French language and literature, a masters in Literature with concentration on Gothic works.

"I live by a code my father set for me since my early boyhood; 'The world has many ways of injuring you, it will try to beat you weak but it is the man that stands up and faces the blows with bravery that lives life without regrets'. Since his passing my mistakes have become sharper but never will I regret them."

Dr. Cullen resides in Chicago.

I cried myself to sleep that night, unsure why, mentally adding another name to the list of people whom thought of me as a mistake: Renee, Jacob, Sam, and Professor Cullen.

I was sure the last one hurt worst of all, whether because it was fresh or because he meant more to me, I didn't know. It was absurd that he would mean anything to me at all but…sex created a connection and forgot to explain them to me.

xXXx

The past two days had dragged in a combination of school, last minute details for my showing next week and painting.

People around me were acting off color. The Gallery called to ask permission to add another artist to my show as if I was the owner and not them—fuck nepotism. I had no problem sharing the spotlight, and in fact, I hoped this other person would take it all. Alice was acting strange—stranger than normal but I figured she was working on something new and left her to her genius. She really was such a talented designer but at this point she was controlled by her boss and given zero to no creative input—her own designs only saw the light of day when either of us wore them. Alice was the type of person you gave small limitations to but otherwise left to her own devices which was why her job often frustrated her. Charlie was skirting my calls, stuttering something about going deep-sea fishing and hanging up quickly.

I couldn't tell if something was brewing or if there was a gas leak in Paris.

As I rode through the streets I couldn't help but contemplate speeding past Sorbonne. I wasn't ready to face Professor Cullen today especially after that dissatisfying dream but if I didn't show up he'd know it was because of him and I'd be damned if I gave him the satisfaction of driving me away. France was my home and if one of us was going to run it would have to be him.

As I was parking my bike, I noticed more people were looking at me and for a moment, I thought I had forgotten something vital like a shirt…or pants. That's it! All of Paris has gone mad. I shrugged it off and got my things, paying special attention to not forget my helmet—I was always leaving it somewhere.

"Jolie Isabella, venez ici." The women from the tiny kiosk called.

"Bonjour, Gina, que voulez-vous? " Alice was the one that always bought the Vogue and she wasn't with me so I could only guess at what Gina wanted.

She handed me a thick Vogue and told me it was already paid for by Alice but I noticed another magazine, more than likely some tabloid rag but I said nothing about it. Alice called them her guilty pleasures. Thanked her and started walking away when Gina started to talk again. This women was too much and not in a good way.

"La bonne chance… ce qui vous pensent votre père penserait s'il étaient vivant ? Il aurait honte."

My grandfather? She had struck a nerve and knew it immediately.

" Qu'avez-vous à me dire? A partir de maintenant Gina ne mentionnent pas mon grand-père à moi, jamais. Compris."

I stormed off without bothering to check if she had agreed or not. More students were watching me, snickering or talking in hushed tones. What the fuck was going on? When I got to the classroom, it was empty but I noticed the small door beside the black board was ajar. I would have to be quite.

Sitting myself I pulled out the tabloid to see what Gina had been rambling on about and what I saw stunned my heart. My grand-père would be ashamed.

Splashed on the cover was a photo of a couple dancing on the Winston's dance floor. It was Professor Cullen and I. My dress had ridden up to mid thigh and my face was tilted to the side while he kissed my neck and griped my hips from behind. Had I not known better, I would have thought he was taking me there in the open because it sure looked that way. His face was blocked, he was unrecognizable but it was clear who I was. The headline mentioned me following in the path of my mother and questioned my late burst onto the scene and how many men I'd rack up. Towards the bottom, in a sardonic tone it wondered if I would meet her same fate coupled with a tiny picture of me on my bike.

Had I been standing I would have fallen over. My stomach fell to my feet. One time, one picture and everything was ruined.

"Isabel—Miss Swan you're early, an hour early." I could hardly hear him over the rushing sound of blood in my ears.

A picture says a thousand words but in France a picture like that screams one word repeatedly. Whore. Just like Renee.

"What's wrong? Are you sick? Bella! Answer me."

What would Charlie think when he saw it? We both had seen weekly covers of Renee in the very same embrace my photo showcased; head tossed back while a strange man put his hands all over her. In those moments I realized that he'd never be free of her, he looked at her replica everyday and it broke his heart. I hated her for that. Was I the same? Would all the years of my being a constant reminder finally catch up with me? Would he hate me as he should hate her? I would lose him and then I'd be alone.

"Breathe into the bag, Isabella! In and out." He put a bag to my mouth but my breath kept coming in wild gasps, as my heart beat against my ribs. Grabbing my hands, he placed them on his chest, "Breath like me, sweet girl, like me. Feel my chest moving in and out, copy me."

After a while of blowing into the paper bag, I settled down and was finally able to breathe on my own. Both my hands were still incased in his. Professor Cullen's chest was just as hard as I had remembered and beneath my palm his heart beat pounded fiercely. He felt like home against me, in every way—something I had never felt before. Surprised by the surge of emotion I saw in his blue eyes I ripped my hands away from him. A flicker of disappointment swept his face before he filed it away.

"Better?" He questioned his voice thick. Noticing that we weren't in the classroom I looked around. Book shelves, dust and desk—when had he found time to drag me to a cave. "We're in the side room. It's more like a closet but I couldn't have you hyperventilating out there. I didn't want you to be embarrassed."

I flinched and looked down. I was already embarrassed.

Carl-Professor Cullen was watching me carefully, worrying his bottom lip while assessing every minute detail of my face for some sign that I was about to melt down again. I wasn't going to melt down, especially in front of him. But my body betrayed me, his eyes were bluer than I had remembered and framed in those glasses it made me want to press my lips to his eyebrows, let him hold me till the pictures faded.

_Remember the picture Bella. You're not her. _

I hopped off the desk and pushed myself as far from him as possible in the tiny room, and I swore I could see his face fall a tiny bit before he shoved his hand hastily in his pockets. Mon Deiu, he looked adorable.

"I know I don't have the right to ask, but are you going to be fine?"

Instead of telling him, I dropped the magazine on the desk and walked out. Behind the closed door, a low _Fuck _was uttered.

My sentiments exactly Professor.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you think ? Love it? Hate it?**

**Translations:**

***Père\\\\\Dad**

*** Rien, papa, juste\\\\\Nothing, dad, just**

*** Carlisle, J'ai besoin de toi. ****S'il vous plaît!\\\\\Carlisle, I need you. ****Please!**

***Ou bien toi, grande Nuit, fille de Michel-Ange, Qui tors paisiblement dans une pose étrange, Tes appas façonnés aux bouches des Titans !\\\\\ ****(Quoted form Baudelaire's poem L'Ideal) Or you, great Night, daughter of Michelangelo, Who calmly contort, reclining in a strange pose Your charms molded by the mouths of Titans!**

***Jolie, Isabella, venez ici...Pretty Isabella, come here.**

***Bonjour, Gina, que voulez-vous?...Hello, Gina, what do you want ?**

*** La bonne chance… ce qui vous pensent votre père penserait s'il étaient vivant ? ****Il aurait honte\\\\\Good luck...what do you think your grandfather would think if he were alive? ****He would be ashamed.**

*** Qu'avez-vous à me dire? A partir de maintenant Gina ne mentionnent pas mon grand-père à moi, jamais. ****Compris\\\\\What did you say to me? From now on Gina don't mention my grandfather to me, never. Understood.**


	5. Spleen

**A/N: Thanks to those of you that have read and or reviewed my story. I love hearing what you all think so please don't be shy and review.**

**Thanks to my beta, xoxocullenluverxoxo, you're the best!**

**Mrs. Meyer owns everything Twilight. I own nothing, I do however own several sketchbooks with sketches of my professor and more books than I can count.**

**My desk does look like a mad man's study...or rather a mad women's study.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

CPOV

"So, guys, I found a gallery."

"It's about time, Jazz." Rose declared, jabbing her brother in the ribs before continuing to feed the twins.

"Where?" We had gone to about four and had little success, so naturally I was curious as to what changed.

"Ummm, I think The Gallery is in the fifth arrondisment but I can't be sure."

"Ugh, Jazz, really where have your table manners gone? You're eating like a pig."

Emmett snickered and started making pig sounds; he really was like an overgrown child. "The place is called _The Gallery_? How redundant!"

"Actually, it's called La Galerie." He said, while exaggerating a caveman approach to his plate.

"I'm happy for you Jasper. Are we invited?" He nodded, Rose beamed and Emmett just smirked.

Family…

By Wednesday, the babies and Rose were feeling better. Apparently Emmett had played nurse most of the week but when she mentioned a costume I stopped her before too many details were divulged. The last thing I needed was a that picture in my head when I saw Emm. I knew Rose was right as rain when she called to demand that Jasper and I have dinner at their home the next day—only an insane man says no to Rose.

She may have been Miss Texas but the women would, and could, eat you alive—with a smile.

"Thanks, I'm not sure how it happened but my neighbor mentioned the place and then offered to show it to me, and before I knew it I was going to show there. I have a shit load of work to do before then, I only get a couple of spots—six at the most—but the owner seemed to like me off the bat. "

"Your neighbor?" I questioned. Alice? Last time I checked, which was Monday, the girl despised him.

"Umm, yeah." He blushed. Why would he do that?

"Alice? Shit...Jazz I need my leg."

"Alice? Who is Alice and why does Carlisle know about her but I don't? Some twin you are!"

I shot him an apologetic look, once Rose knew something she wouldn't rest until she knew everything. Spanish Inquisition and German Gestapo combined.

"Ahh, Rosie, don't be that way. It's too soon to tell anything soon."

Just as Rose was about to open, her husband interjected before we had a double mint commercial war on our hands. "Ohh, Jazzy has a girlfriend. Man, I hear the French are quiet the sexual experts?" Rose smacked the back of his head and the table erupted with laughter, even Nikki giggled. "What was that for? I was just saying what everyone knows. Jesus Rose, that hurt!"

"Alice ain't from around here, but she's lived here a long time. Like I said, I have so much shit to do."

Rose glared at him, obviously displeased. No one was ever good enough for him in Rose's book.

"Well, I happy for you man." Emm took a swig of his beer before cooing at his boy. A stab of jealously coursed through me, but I beat it down knowing Rose was watching me. They were both so fortunate. I tried not to be envious. "I'd also be happy to help a brotha out! While the babies nap, I don't have much to do, and Rosie's at work till six. We could come over. "

Jasper agreed and I offered to come over after work.

Dinner was fantastic, Emmett had out done himself. I had to give the man credit, not many men would be secure enough to be a stay at home dad while his wife played in the fashion world. This was relatively new to them, just last year they had been in Texas with two newborns. But in Rose's line of work, the chance to live and work in Paris was not something you passed by. Emmett hadn't blinked an eye at relocating, simply stating that he'd follow her to the middle of the God Forsaken Dessert if he had to.

The jealously returned and stayed well on into desert—Banana Cream pie.

"So how's the homemakin' coming Emmett? I have to say, this place looks spiffy and I'll be willing to bet that you have dinner on the table by the time the missus comes home. Pot roast in the oven and banana cream pie in the fridge. We should change your name to Donna Reed."

I laugh in spite of myself.

"Yup, I wear pearls and an apron too."

"I have a problem with you being proud of the pearls…_I_ don't wear pearls."

Jasper was in hysterics.

"Just you wait Jasper, one day you're gonna find yourself making dinner and wiping up baby drool and you're gonna LOVE it. I garan—fucking—tee it. "

"Maybe Emm, maybe but do you even remember the last time Rose didn't have your balls in her purse?"

"Oh, I'm not sure I can remember the last time his balls weren't in my purse…"

"That's ok babe, you keep them safe for me."

The three of them laughed. Rose zeroed in on me and I knew I was in trouble. "So Carlisle…how's the teaching going, you looked pretty down the first time?"

"I've only had one class, tomorrow we'll see how it goes. Papers are due so that will be the true test of what I'm working with. Honestly I can't wait to read what they have to say." Especially Isabella, if she was half as bright on paper as she was in person her paper should make for some interesting reading.

Just the thought of her put lead in my gut; I had been such an ass with her. After Alice told me to stay away from her friend I had gone home regretting the lie I told Isabella. I could see her sweet face crumble; hear the pain in her voice. I had never been in more shock than I was that night to hear her call herself a tramp. It was unthinkable. How could she think that?

_Hello, she slept with a stranger without bothering to get or give a name._ That still pissed me off but for a different reason, one I didn't want to explore.

"And the book, man? When are we going to get our signed copies huh? The book reviewer from Vogue polished your head off, how did she get a copy before us?" Emmett booming voice broke me out of my musing.

"No one has the book yet Emm, the book is still with its French publishers so they must have sent a couple copies to reviewers. Don't worry; I'll make sure you guys get copies before the public…if you really want a copy."

By this point, the twins had fallen asleep in their high chairs, looking like the most innocent angels, which of course prompted Emmett to tell us stories of them being anything but. How they had gotten into the box with Rose's make up and decided that the hallway needed a makeover. It hadn't escaped my notice how Emmett's arm had wrapped lovingly around his wife's shoulders—this particular gesture paired with the conversation we were having stirred old memories. Passionate nights, warm embraces, shared futures and empty broken promises, I felt sick. As much as I loved these people they were her family after all, even after all the turmoil we had gone through together, they were related to her and it hurt.

More than it should after all this time.

"I'm putting them in their cribs. I don't have the heart to wake them." Emmett muttered something about getting them cleaned in the morning and I offered to help Rose.

"Have you found anyone yet, Carlisle? You're lonely." I grimaced, always so blunt. "You know I'm not trying to be a bitch here but I know you and I know being here with us is hard on you, especially with Nikki and Jackson but-"

"How can you say that? I adore them, Rose." I cut her off, looking down at Jackson's messy gold curls.

"I know you do but it hurts you and don't think of lying to me. Listen, I'll leave you alone for now but a lifetime is a very long time to spend alone and angry with someone who isn't here. I think you've wasted too much time already. She's gone and she's not coming back. I want to see you happy."

I agreed with her of course but I didn't want to talk about it.

xXXx

Fuck.

I hadn't meant to say it out loud when she left but fuck. She scared me. Now at least she was breathing normally but moments ago, I was afraid I'd have to take her to the hospital—that would have been problematic because I didn't know where it is.

A million thoughts ran through my head the second I saw her ashen face, something was wrong. Isabella wasn't responding to me. She was paler than her normal complexion; her eyes were wide and glassy with tears that had yet to fall while her fingers gripped something with such force I feared the damage she'd do to herself.

What the hell was she doing here an hour early?

I asked if she wanted me to call someone for her—nothing, like speaking to a brick wall. Was she in shock? Had someone hurt her? Please let her not be hurt. No, not hurt, her skin was just as perfect as the last time I had seen it.

The halls were buzzing with a strange mixture of ill hushed gossip and flat out, judgments about some pictures on the cover of some tabloid crap they were always selling—more than likely the slutty daughter of a Diplomat or Politian had gotten herself in some trouble. Rich little girls had been acting out and embarrassing their family for centuries, but people seemed to sink their teeth into this one. This girl must be famous or infamous, for people to care this much.

Without thinking I slung her bag over my shoulder, placed her helmet under my arm and guided a still dazed Isabella over to the side room I had been reading in. The feel of her warm body against mine made me wish I could place her down on the desk, strip her painted on pants and toy with her until she thawed out, until her screams could be heard outside. When she let out a strangled sob, I instantly felt like a depraved perverted man for thinking such things and sat her on the desk along with her bag and helmet. I tried talking to her but now she wasn't breathing but shaking and gasping for air.

"Bella, you're going to have to talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong…" Nothing. She was terrifying me; I didn't like feeling so helpless.

Three knocks shook me from my thoughts. "Professor Cullen." Damn, I had forgotten about Collette. Quickly I stacked my lesson plan on the desk and handed it to her to place on the podium.

"Good morning, Collette. How are you?" She smiled at me, and licked her lips. I was starting to get the idea this girl was trying to seduce me. The first time I met her she had pulled the double cheek kiss ensuring that her lips grazed the corners of mine and now it looked like she wanted to eat me like the treat she had given up for lent. It was unsettling.

"Professor. I'm doing well… I could be _better _with your 'elp. School is stressful and sometimes I 'ave a 'ard time find a release. 'ow do you do it? I mean you must get wound up tight. 'ow do you find _release_?"

See what I mean?

"Well, Collette, I read, perhaps that would help. Could you put those on the podium for me, s'il vous plait?"

"Avec pleasure. Oh, did you hear? Isabella is on the cover of ICI Paris looking like a whore with some man plastered against 'er ass. I wonder if she'll come to class today…I wouldn't. You know my mere always said that girl would turn out just like her mother. That sort of thing is in the blood."

I could have defended her but I didn't know what she really was like so I stayed quiet and for some reason anger rose in my chest. Was the sweet faced girl promiscuous? And who the hell was this man?

"Wait, Collette can you hand me those back to me please, I need to look over something." I asked recalling that Isabella threw something on my desk before leaving. As soon as Collette left, I checked my papers and sure enough on the bottom of the stack was this ICI Paris.

Fuck.

It was pleasent tt know that there wasn't another man, just one man, plastered against her. We looked fantastic together, like my hands belong on her body. I felt my cock strain against my zipper as I traced her neck with my fingertip recalling all the things she said while we danced but quickly stopped because this wasn't a good thing. There was proof, tangible, concrete proof and Isabella was visibly distraught. Thankfully no one would know that it was me but her face was as clear as day. All the shame and judgments was already falling on her small shoulders. I didn't have time to read anything other than the headlines.

They were hard on her...but they expected nothing less.

"Morning class. I assume everyone has their papers? Good." I noticed she was sitting by the exit with her head down, shoulders curled in as if she were trying to make herself as tiny as possible. Students were gaping at her; the men with lewd eyes and the women with daggers and the undercurrent of whispers all came out the same.

Whore.

No, she wasn't. I knew that.

"Fleurs du Mal is a confession of hopes, dreams, failure and sins, attempting to extract beauty from the wicked. Unlike most poetry, that lays on the merits of tranquil beauty in the natural world to evoke emotions, Baudelaire felt modern poetry needed to bring to mind the artificial and contradictory aspects of life. Beauty can evolve without respect of nature and grown in the soil of sin and powered by evil. It could be both-like we discussed last class; contrary themes live in the same place through these poems because life is a he created was a resistance between two vastly different worlds—or realms of thought if you will, "Spleen " and "Ideal" . Spleen—which we will be covering today—represents everything that is wrong with the world; death, despair, solitude, murder, disease and the dissolution of morals, where as ideal, L'Ideal, which we will be covering nearing the end of our time together, represents a transcendence over the bleak reality of spleen-a place where love is possible and senses are bound by ecstasy. Life seen through the eyes of Baudelaire's poetry is a struggle between these two ideals, a fight to find a balance." I saw a hand fly up, "Yes?"

"Can a person be a representation of this Spleen?"

"Well, yes, I suppose a person could be referred to as Spleen. The spleen is an organ associated with malaise, so this person would have to have the traits of everything that I stated as being wrong with the world—I doubt you'll find a person like that though." The class snickered and I had the overwhelming feeling there was a joke hidden somewhere in that question.

" Isabella S. Êtes-vous sûr le S n'est-vous pas sous peu pour Spleen et pas Swan? Renee and Bella Spleen, parfait!"

Almost as if this vapid child had stabbed me I watched helplessly as Isabella's face blanch before her eyes harden in a murderous glare. It was arousing and frightening at the same time; I told myself I should look away before everyone noticed the lust coursing though me but I couldn't.

"Elle n'est pas ma mère, elle a juste baisé mon père. Allez à l'enfer vous bâtard stupide !" She left, slamming the door, hard.

"Vous avez son âne aussi." He called, playing clown to his class mates

I wanted to go with her, wipe her tears and hold her while she cried. Those desires had been gone for so long, now for them to be so strong it was disarming. I felt rage towards this dick that would use my words to insult her.

_You do that enough, asshole._

" Monsieur Newton, normalement je ne permets pas des insultes et l'humiliation dans ma salle de classe mais voyant pendant que vous semblez affectueux de elles peut-être nous pouvons faire quelque chose changer cela. Dites-moi ce qui vous a pensé à la juxtaposition entre la mort et la beauté dans la poésie de la dernière classe?"

Watching the vile boy squirm was quite enjoyable. He had no clue how to answer and that made it even better. "Mike, how could you not know? It was the prompt from last class, what question, if not the one I just asked you, did you answer in your paper. It would be in your best interest to take your mind off of Miss Swans' bum," as luscious as it is, "and on your plummeting grade."

He glared at me.

"Keep your insults on your own time, Newton."

The class settled after Mike sank in his seat, but Isabella never came back. I lectured in a fog. The words of Spleen seemed much harsher than I remembered—or perhaps I had been too deep in my own grief to notice. That grief sparked my love of Baudelaire.

The students were gone and for the most part the class was empty. Isabella's things were still waiting for. I couldn't leave them. Her jacket looked harmless; almost child size now that it wasn't wrapped around her body like it had been the last time. Pushing the thought aside, I draped it over my arm. Her books were scattered across the small desk like a mad man's study with notes and paper between open pages and I was surprised to see _my_ book among her things. _Why did she need so many pencils and pens?_ I thought while placing one after the other in a pocket. Once most the mess was cleared, I saw that her sketchbook was open to the drawing she had been working on. It felt like an intrusion but at this point, it didn't matter. I reasoned that it was open and therefore I wasn't actually intruding.

It was a perfect drawing of me, standing in front of the class lecturing, and while insight into her thoughts was welcomed it pained me to see how she saw me, or rather how I saw her. The word erreur, mistake, swirled above my head, and reflected in my deviously detailed glasses was her reflection. I had no idea she was so talented, every line was smooth and perfected. This had to be more than just a class time sketch—the image had been darkened in some places and the shading on my lips looked…painfully exact.

After looking everywhere, I decided to check the library and I cursed myself for not thinking of it first considering all the books she had.

Sitting alone in one corner of Bibliothèque de la Sorbonne was Isabella, head down and her beautiful hair surrounding her. I sat and waited for her to look up or acknowledge my presence. _This is stupid Carlisle, people are here and they'll see you. Leave her shit and walk away_.

Thoughts of walking away were abandoned the minute she looked up; she was crying. Fuck, tears were not what I needed right now. "Have you come to yell at me for jeopardizing your career? I've heard it all today, so if you have, can you do it and leave me alone."

"No, you left without taking you things." She said nothing and put her head back down on the cold wood. "I suppose I should have looked here first, seeing as I know you love books. I thought perhaps you had left all together but," She wasn't paying attention to me, and fuck if that didn't make me angry. "Do you make a habit of leaving things and not coming back for them?"

She shook her head. Was she crying again? The thought melted my anger a touch.

"Can you at least have the decency of looking at my face while I speak?" I snapped. She looked up but didn't show any pretense of doing it to please me instead; she met my gaze with passive brown eyes. "Can't you be civil with me, at least?"

"Sorry but first impressions are hard to erase."

"There was nothing for you to dislike in your first impression of me Isabella."

"I know that's the problem, but as you have reminded me, you were too drunk to remember that you weren't an ass that night…maybe because you knew you'd be getting laid." Quicker than I could anticipate she was out the door, this time nothing was left behind.

I followed, "I was speaking to you."

"I don't care." She yelled as soon as we got outside.

"Please." I begged, "We need to talk."

She stopped and turned around as soon as she reached her bike—it was just as sexy as the last time I'd seen it.

"What could you possibly have to say to me? Did you hear something and have questions you need answered or are you wondering if you need to have yourself checked? Have you and Mike joined forces to insult me and you felt the need to remind me that I just a fuck for the night, again?"

"Can you stop calling yourself that, please, it's pissing me off. I have questions but not—"

"Do you think I go around fucking strange men every night? Just because I slept with you doesn't mean that's who I am! I'm not fucking Renee so don't dare ask about her… I'm nothing like her!"

I opened my mouth to speak but she continued, her anger wining over my voice. She was ranting

"Not that it matters now. Years of staying away from places and people that scream trouble have done nothing to save me from this shit. Maybe you think that because you have some sweet obsession with France that you understand how this place works for a girl like me. Well, you're fucking wrong! You have no idea." She was past talking and nearing shouting…luckily no one was around, only speeding cars.

I let the poor girl rant.

"This isn't going to stop. Not for me or my dad or my company, everywhere I go pictures will show up in every piece of shit rag in this city, with a new and equally shameful headlines, all people will ever think when they hear my name is how I'm following in her path and what a little whore I've turned out to be—it won't matter if it's true or not. But don't worry your pretty, little head about any of this Professor Cullen you'll be safe, your name is still spotless, you'll leave and my dad will still have to deal with these things, just as he did before. Why? Because I didn't listen to myself, because I let your charm and Alice's words get the better of me. Have some fun Bella, she said. I knew it from the moment I saw you that this was going to be a problem but no, no. Stupid me, I decided what's one time, what's a little fun. One time! I should have known this would happen."

"You think it makes me happy…that something we shared was put out there to embarrass you? Isabella I didn't force you. Whatever we did..." I trailed off, afraid that if I continued I'd let her know more that she needed to know at this point.

"'Whatever we did', you always have to mention that, don't you? I already know so stop fucking reminding me." I'm ashamed to say that I drooled a little as she zipped herself into that damn jacket. Oh, it wasn't harmless any more. "No, you didn't. You're right but I forced myself to believe that you were safe. I couldn't have been more wrong. You don't remember but I do, every moment, that's what makes facing you difficult. I agree with you now, I didn't before but I do now."

"You agree with me?" She was silent and in the day light I could just how sad she was, just how heartbroken. What had her mother done to make Bella hate her so much? I reached for her, she looked so small standing on the sidewalk alone, but she jerked away from me.

"What do you agree with? You need to talk to me because I can't read your mind. I find you this morning in shock and hyperventilating and you don't even bother to explain it to me, I have to hear it from these stupid children," she opened her mouth but this I stopped her, "and then you leave the classroom without bothering to stick around till the end."

"What does it matter to you? What reason did I have to stay? Spleen really…did you do that on purpose or was it just my luck. Did you plan that so you could insult me some more, maybe join in with the rest of the class."

"I'm not an asshole; I don't get any pleasure out of your pain and I sure as fuck don't go out of my way to humiliate you. That you have such a low opinion of me after one conversation seems harsh and unfair. I would like to be given the benefit of the doubt. I'm not that man." This time she didn't pull away. It knew it was dangerous but I couldn't stand the sight of her like this. Defeated and vulnerable, she looked so young. I hadn't known her long but I knew well enough that this wasn't her…she was stronger than this. I wrapped my arms around her; she didn't move or return the favor. "I'm sorry."

"This was a mistake." She said, deadpan.

She pulled away from me and mounted her bike but she didn't take off. She just sat there looking at me, searching my face for something. What I couldn't fathom. "I don't feel that way, Bella, not really."

"How am I supposed to believe you when I know you've heard everything I've said to Alice, after class and at her apartment? I knew you were there. How am I supposed to know this isn't some male reflex to save face, an offering of pity? Poor Bella, she's tired of being the mistake so let me apologize and make it all better. It's hard to take back something once you believe it, Professor Cullen."

I hung my head. She was right, it's always more difficult to make someone believe the truth than a lie. Lies are accepted readily because sometimes we want them to be true. "I really am sorry that this got out."_ I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry, Bella._

"Yeah, well you live by a code right; Mistakes get shaper but no remorse. Does that extend into every corner of your life or only your sex life?"

"How…you…" My brain was having difficulties connecting to how she could possibly have my book, how she had gotten her little hands on it and how long she'd had. Had she read the book?

_What's wrong with you Carlisle, of course she read it._

While I was waging war with myself, Isabella simply watched as her words soaked in. "Why do you think it's taken so long to have it published? My grandfather had been sick for months when he got your manuscript, but he always trusted me with these things so we both pushed it through faster than we have for anyone else. He died weeks ago, who do you think signed off on your book once it came back from the printer? It's funny, I've read it about a dozen times and I still can't tell if who you are when you write is the lie or if this Professor Cullen is …I can't decide which is worse."

She didn't think twice about leaving me on the sidewalk gaping after her. I had screwed, lied to and insulted Aro's precious granddaughter. Had he been alive he'd have me killed.

I did the only thing I could do. "Jazz, can we have dinner tonight? I need to talk to you about Bella."

"What did you say?" A familiar voice snapped through the receiver.

"Alice?"

* * *

**A/N: Poor, Carlisle...the "mistake" comment came back to bit him in the ass. What a cute ass it is? What's Alice doing answering Jasper's cell? Will Carlisle get in cut by the pixie? Find out her, same Twilight time, same Twilight Channel. ****Ok...dork moment over.**

**Review please!**

**Translations.**

*** Isabella S. Êtes-vous sûr le S n'est-vous pas sous peu pour Spleen et pas Swan? ****Renee and Bella Spleen, parfait !/ Isabella S. Are you sure the S is not short for Spleen and not Swan? ****Renee and Bella Spleen, perfect!**

***Elle n'est pas ma mère, elle a juste baisé mon père. ****Allez à l'enfer vous bâtard stupide !/She is not my mother, she just fucked my father. Go to hell you stupid bastard!**

***Vous avez son âne aussi./You have her ass too.**

*** Monsieur Newton, normalement je ne permets pas des insultes et l'humiliation dans ma salle de classe mais voyant pendant que vous semblez affectueux de elles peut-être nous pouvons faire quelque chose changer cela. Dites-moi ce qui vous a pensé à la juxtaposition entre la mort et la beauté dans la poésie de la dernière classe?/ ****Mister Newton, normally I do not allow insults and humiliation in my classroom but seeing as you seem fond of them perhaps we can do something to change that. Tell me what did you think about the juxtaposition between death and beauty in the poem from last class?**


	6. Sou le Ciel de Paris

**A/N: Hello, again. I want to continue to thank those of you who are reading and or reviewing.**

**I own nothing; Mrs. Meyer owns Twilight and its Characters. Although I'm the proud owner of many tubes of oil paints and the nick name Ducky.**

**Enjoy. **

* * *

BPOV

After my emotional explosion I rode for hours, until I ran out of gas, got more then rode some more. My cell was going off like mad and I knew why. It seemed that ICI Paris was not the only one to cash in on my recklessness. Six different magazines had similar photos on their covers; one even had a photo of our frenzied kiss against the door of my building. Once again his damn face was hidden and mine was in the spotlight, at least it was clear that it was the same man. Alice had called seventeen times to check on me, Jacob to yell at me, Sam to yell at me for disturbing his dear Jacob (pricks the pair of them) and Charlie once to see how his "Ducky" was doing. I only returned Alice's and Charlie's. I was sitting in the middle of a mess and for once I had no clue how to fix it. So, I let the speed take me far away…only problem was, everything was waiting for me when I got back.

The weekend came and went while I wallowed in oil paints and turpentine. I regretted being so harsh with Professor Cullen, so unforgiving when he purposely came looking for me. He had wanted to talk to me, appeared genuinely concerned for me but listening to words that I knew must come easy to an eloquent man of his intelligence I found myself doubting his every word. _He could talk his way out a paper bag or into you panties, again._ Then to top the shit storm weekend, the way he held me against his chest stayed with me. In the middle of the night that phantom embrace made me feel safe and cared for but things like that change all the time so I pulled away, just like I had in reality.

The week passed much the same weekend had. I went to his class, listened to his calm soothing voice but I wasn't soothed, instead I focused on his lips, the way he'd push up his glasses or stick his hands in his pockets as he walked around. The way he'd brush his pale hair off up and out of his eyes with his graceful fingers. Jesus, how I thought about those fingers. We didn't speak nor did we attempt to, he'd look my way briefly and indifferently, before turning his attention elsewhere, usually landing Collette. I would have loved to punch her surgically corrected nose but jealously was hardly a justification for assault—no matter how much I wanted it to be. I've never been one for jealously but now, I suppose he'd changed that. He was being "professionally civil" to me and for some reason that bothered me even more. Class was hell, watching him in his perfectly made pants two days a week was far more than I could handle but he seemed just fine, perfectly cool and collected—utterly unaffected by me.

Maybe I should punch him as well.

Progressively the dreams gained intensity, became more vivid and came to the same abrupt and frustrating end… me wet, aching and unable to sleep. In those hours I imagined him deep and thick inside me, his breath panting on my damp neck, his hips against mine. My fingers couldn't satisfy me, so I did what any sane artist does—paint. As a result my art had taken a sexually aggressive edge and Demetri, my agent of sorts, was thrilled claiming that my latent visual sexual prowess had finally made an appearance. I didn't agree, but I let him say what he wanted. Of course most of my new projects had to do with Carlisle so, naturally I fought the urge to take a knife to them.

Luckily none of them would be in _this_ show.

Friday afternoon Demetri and Seth and I met for some last minute adjustments which took all of five minutes the rest of the time was spent talking about the photographer or the "southern tall drink of man" that was walking out just as I got there. Seth vowed to lick Mr. J. Hale from head to toe before the night was done. My heart went out the guy; there was no stopping Seth once he set his mind on something. Poor guy wouldn't know what hit him. We said our goodbyes and after talking with my boys, I was in some serious need of Alice time.

"It's just coffee, Alice, if you don't want to come… I get it…its fine. Have fun at home or whatever it is you're doing." She sounded occupied, a little breathless even. Multitasking little pixie. I knew this would happen she'd distance herself slowly until she was completely gone…it had happened before. "It's cool, Pixie."

I wanted to believe that she was loyal; she had been for the past five years but, now…

"Bella! I can't believe you'd think I'm bailing out because of this." Clearly she could read my mind.

"Alice, Renee was known for being a dirty rich slut…now me and soon you. Guilty by association, baby, it never lets you down."

"That's bullshit! Minus the dirty part I've been guilty for long time; it has nothing to do with you. And as far as Renee is concerned, you've gone too many years without all the media attention your family has and don't get me wrong it sucks, but did you really think your life would be this private? That you'd actually be able to get past them, this was going to happen sooner or later. People judge you by the shit your parents have done all the time, we just need to take it in stride. My mom was known to be bulimic, so when I go to the bathroom during a meal it's not that I have to pee but because I have to barf."

"Alice, all that stuff is known in New York…not here."

"The sordid details of models follow them everywhere. People all around the world know about Cocaine Kate and Blackberry Assistant Beating Naomi. I don't want to hear anymore about this! You're my best friend in the whole world; I love you and if they say I'm your sexy lesbian lover then we'll go out looking hot as hell, sit really close to each other. I'll even grab your ass. Give them bastards something to print."

"Alice…" I burst out laughing, disrupting a couple chatting and smoking to my left. "Only you would think of something like that."

"Stop…I'm on the phone," she giggled. That's was odd, Alice never giggled with anyone other than me, not her fuck buddies and certainly not her parents. "Bella gotta go! I'll see you later tonight…I'll pick you up. I don't care how much you love straddling that thing I am not letting you ride in that Emilio Pucci masterpiece and Louboutins. Sorry honey, but my love for you is just a notch above my love for clothes! Stop…ohhh!"

"You sound busy; I'll let you go…see you at six?" She shrieked and hung up the phone with a giggle. _Again with the giggling, Jesus._ What or who had gotten into her?

I went home, the machine was blinking but I ignored it and went to take a shower. The hot water felt good beating against my tense shoulders and if not for the millionths time I wondered, fantasized what it would feel like to have Carlisle in the shower with me. He'd be behind me pressing his lips to my neck while his hands snaked around my hips, pressing me to his strong body. Without thinking, my hand drifted over my hip, my fingertips dancing over where I wanted them most. He would tease me, make me cry out for him before he gave in and dipped his fingers into my heat. Slowly but surely he'd bring me to the edge only to back off, again and again. I brought my other hand to my nipple, imagining his lips around it, his teeth nibbling. My moan reverberated off the tiles making it sound embarrassingly loud but I was too far gone to care. Pumping my finger faster I felt my body tremble.

_I'm so close, Carlisle. Don't stop._

Unfortunately the water turned ice cold, chasing away my climax.

Merde! I shut off the water, pissed that once again I was being cosmically cock-blocked—or rather _cum-blocked_.

Tonight was a big night for me; this was something I had worked hard for. My publishing company had been bought when I was a little girl, legally it was mine, but my grandfather built it, ran it, and paid people to take over in his absences. This, my art, was all me. It sounds narcissistic to say but it's the truth. My name or family hadn't bought my spot or paid for my talent. This was a big night for me dammit and I was not going to spend it pissed off or worried about the shit storm that was waiting for me. I decided to listen to Alice and take it in stride. I could do this.

An hour later I was dressed, made up, and ready to go in my new favorite dress. It was stunning and I had to admit I looked pretty hot in it. On Wednesday Alice had taken me shopping for something new to wear tonight because important nights call for new clothes. Who was I to argue? Being French and loving clothes was like being a fish and loving water…you didn't question it, you simply went with it and prayed that they had those royal blue Christian Louboutins in your size.

I met a new friend of hers—Alice was always making new friends—Rose McCarty, or Rosalie McCarty to me. The woman was a beauty, blonde and a body that made men fall over themselves and shoot in their pants. Alice and her had met over at Chanel on Monday and bonded over some organza and tulle number. Little Miss Rose may have been all southern charm and class when it came to Alice but had nothing but thorns when it came to me. I don't like to judge people so damn quickly but I'd be lying if I said the wicked witch of the west didn't come to mind when I thought of her. I wondered if I threw water at her if she'd melt. She tagged along our shopping trip but left as soon as I found my dress and shoes, giving Alice a hug and me a plastic smile.

"_Damn, Alice, I surprised she didn't send me poppies. 'And now, my beauties, something with poison in it. Poppies...Poppies. Poppies will put them to sleep. Sleep. Now they'll sleep!'"_

"_Oh come on. She's just has a tough exterior…on the inside she's-"_

"_Made of snow? Pixie, Carine Roitfeld is tough. Rosalie is an ice queen. What did I ever do to her? "_

"_I don't know. Funny you should mention Carine Roitfeld…Rose works with her at Vogue."_

"_Oh, joy! Now I know why she hates me."_

Alice pounding on my door interrupted my thoughts. "Hello, Lover!"

"Channeling Carrie already, how many drinks did you have? I just need to get my bag and we can go."

"None…yet. Wait let me look at you. My, oh my, that dress looks perfect on you and you can never go wrong with our buddy Christian. Looking good, Ducky! I wouldn't throw you out of bed."

"Thanks! You don't look half bad yourself and can it with the ducky. Charlie will be doing it all night."

She really did look fantastic in a dress of her own creation; canary yellow lace long-sleeved mini dress with a black under slip and plunging back. Only Alice could pull off that color without looking ridiculous or like tweedy bird. And the shoes, oh the shoes—Black Christian Louboutin Ambrosinas. All I can say is its fun when your best friend and you share a shoe size.

"But how Bella got her Ducky is such a cute story!" I scowled at her, "Okay, not tonight."

xXXx

We arrived at La Galerie and Demetri was smoking outside looking as sharp as ever. I swear the man was dressed like he was always on display and I told him so.

"I am always on display, Bella. 'ow is one to attract a buyer if the goods aren't shown in the best light?" He took a long drag of his cigarette and snuffed it out with his shoes. "Come, we'll go in around the back some people have already arrived. Fuck, Seth 'as been complaining about 'ow no knows 'ow to be fashionably late anymore"

I shook my head, if Seth were a woman he'd be Alice. "I have to wait for Alice."

"I should 'ave known she'd drive my car…people don't 'ave the E-types anymore and she just 'ad to rub my face in it. I swear that women—"

"Oh, Demetri, I know how much you love _my _car but I won it fair and square—a royal flush to trip aces. Sorry if you were too drunk to recall betting the Jag but a bet is a bet and you should know never to bet against me." I snickered as Alice lightly slapped his cheek. "It drives like a dream, baby."

xXXx

The night was going better than I had expected, only one fit of cluster phobia, which Alice had deftly pulled me out of it. Demetri forced me to mingle with seemingly hundreds of people. I hated it but put on a friendly face and tried to remember to breathe. Seth shadowed me, keeping me informed on how many painting were being purchased—honestly it was a boost to my artistic ego that so many of them were being bought. For some reason Alice insisted that we look Hale's photos, which was odd because she only liked Fashion Photography but I was glad she made the suggestion. They were beautiful; I made a note to ask Seth about this wilderness one. It wasn't until an hour into the show that things got…interesting.

"Ducky." Charlie whispered in my ear while wrapping his arms around me as tightly as he could. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks dad—"

"Ducky? Little swan, your dad calls you ducky?" I blushed seeing my father's enormous neighbor. What was he doing here? "Oh, it must be embarrassing for you to color up like that! Charlie…you can tell what's with the ducky."

"Oh well, when Bella was three she—"

"Dad, please you promised!" I whined, stamping my heel. Charlie just chuckled but Emmett smiled wickedly, he wasn't going to let this drop. Sooner or later he'd get it out of Charlie. Then I'd just had to kill the big lug.

"This ain't over, Ducky. I'll find out. Where's your ride I didn't see it outside? I want one but I'm not allowed."

_Not allowed,_ jeez man, where are you balls?

"I hate that bike."

"I love it _Dad_." Emmett looked from my father to me, smiling widely, and pressing for an explanation for the Ducati tension.

"My grandfather bought it for me three years ago as a birthday present. If Charlie had his way it would disappear. In fact, a week after I got the bike it "stolen" and I went to my dad crying, begging him to find it for me. I guess he felt bad because the next morning it was parked in my space."

Emmett looked shocked, disbelieving that my dad would do such a thing.

"Can't help it Emmett, she's my baby and those things are dangerous. Would you let Nikki drive one?"

"I would but the wife wouldn't. Speaking of, Rose baby meet Charlie's daughter. Ducky."

_Well…Fuck me!_ Rosalie McCarty. Standing in body hugging red dress and angry looking stilettos she stood with a look of utter distain as someone brushed against her. She offered a tight smile, digging her perfectly manicured nails into his arm and whispering into his ear. It was then that I noticed two of the most adorable babies, one in his huge arms and the other in hers. I looked over to see my dad cooing at the child in Emmett's arms.

I figured I had four years before he starts asking about grandchildren…God help me when that day comes.

"Charlie, Emmett, I'm going to find Jasper."

"No need, Rosie. I'm right here." A deep southern drawl said from behind Charlie, no doubt the voice of Jasper.

He was just as beautiful as she was; only his demeanor didn't leave me frostbitten. It didn't take a genius to figure out which one was the evil twin. Jasper turned to me, talking my hand warmly.

"You must be the artist of the night! Thanks for sharing your night with me. I was just admiring one of your paintings—Bleu something it was called and Seth offered to introduce me. I'm Jasper Whitlock-Hale."

His southern drawl was adorable. Seth visibly drooled.

I shot Seth a pleading look. _Prowl for men on your own time buddy._ "It's no problem, I'm happy to share…more than happy to actually." His blue eyes crinkled as he laughed at my expression.

"Bella never was one for attention." Jasper's eyebrows shot up at the sound of my name. "She'd pout, cross her arms and order us to look away when she was a kid. She hated people looking at her…my ducky was so odd about those things." My dad let out while the baby played with his fingers. I sighed.

"She likes attention on the dance floor." Rose quipped.

Had I been drinking anything Jasper would have been wearing it after that comment. _God where was the bucket of water when you needed it?_ My father didn't hear her but everyone else did. Jasper's eyes widened but he said nothing. Seth looked like he was seconds from pulling her golden hair out. Emmett looked at her in disbelief but the ice queen wasn't fazed.

"Rosie, Charlie and I are gonna take Jackson outside for a bit. Be nice. Please." With that he left, my dad kissing my cheek before following. This wasn't his scene.

"So, Jasper…have you been in Paris long?" I asked hoping to change the subject.

"About three weeks or so…but I've made some friends." The color left his face before he started grinning like a Cheshire cat looking at something behind me.

_God this family was fucking out of their minds._

"Umm…that's nice. You're photos are fantastic. I've fallen in love the black and white wilderness one. Where was taken? I would love to see more of your work…maybe we can show together, Lord knows how hard it is to find gallery space."

"I took it in my home town, down in Texas and I'd love that! Back home I got gallery space in a snap but here, well let's just say it was magic that I found this place." Jasper smiled again. I found it infectious, calming, just being around this guy made me relaxed.

"Jazz, I wouldn't if I were you." Just like that the tranquil atmosphere snapped.

"Rose, cut it out. So, how long have you been painting? Your work is…fantastic."

I opened my mouth to answer but she rolled right over me. "I've seen better. I'm going to find Emmett if all your going to do is sit here and stroke the ego of this whor—"

"Rose!" Alice yelled, throwing her arms around her neck as if she was the last Prada boots in all of Avenue Montaigne. "What are you doing here?"

"Like I would miss my brother's showing. What are _you_ doing here?"

Jasper and I simply looked on at the spectacle. I had no idea why he looked like someone kicked his junk but I knew why I suddenly felt like someone had swift kicked my girly bits. Alice and Rose just fit together perfectly and it hurt to watch. Tears threaten to escape as I watched my best friend interact with someone so vain, vile and vicious. It was just like kinder garden when Jessica took my favorite box of crayons and proceeded to smash all of them on the asphalt only giving them back once they were all ruined. Rose would do the same thing, she'd ruin Alice, make her cold and bitchy.

I hadn't noticed that Jasper was watching me intently with an apologetic look on his face as if he knew everything I was feeling.

"Your dress looks divine Alice, is it yours?"

"Yes it's my design. I had to dye the lace this color… Bella couldn't find the right yellow so I just made the right color."

I felt my stomach drop; I had mixed the dye for her.

"Such a bold color. We should get together and talk business, I'm sure Carine would just love to meet you. Jasper don't you think Alice looks amazing?"

"Both Bella and Alice look amazing tonight, Rose." It was an admirable attempt but a fruitless one.

"Hey, you guys I have to go mingle for a bit," I stopped; if I kept talking I'd cry or worse…say something I'd regret. "Alice?"

She was talking again, beaming at Rose's suggestion that she start her own line. I had told her ages ago that she should quit and work full time on her designs. "Pixie?"

"Umhmm. Oh, Rose she looks like a little angel!" She didn't even look up, she was too engrossed with Rose's daughter.

"Never mind."

"Bella I'll go with you."

"No, Jasper it's fine. Stay here, talk…mingle." I mumbled taking myself as far away as possible as quickly as my heels would let me.

I made it to the corner where the most depressing painting in my entire body of work hung—figures I'd end up here. There was a red tag beside the name plate. Some bought this? It was nice but such a downer, who would want it hanging in their home?

People were everywhere, asking me questions, kissing my ass, making small talk, pestering me with commission requests. The music was suddenly too loud, the room was too small and everywhere I looked there was a person watching me. I could feel the walls closing in on me again and this time Alice was too busy with her new buddy to come to my rescue.

Catching Demetri's eye I motioned to the back stairwell, letting him know I was stepping out for air. He nodded, understanding what I needed. The action was easier said than done, about a million bodies stood between my freedom and me. Before I could scream or pass out, I felt a large hand warp around my wrist and jerk me hard.

"What the fuck?" I turned to see a face I never expected, "You weren't invited. You or your boyfriend. Leave."

"I wouldn't be here if you had answered my fucking calls. Do you have any idea how much you embarrassed me with the damn pictures." He was standing with his arms crossed, looking me like a misbehaved child in need or scolding.

"Do you have no self respect? What were you thinking behaving like that? You looked just like the cheap harlot your mother was but worse because everyone I know has been asking me if I went out with you? I've never been more humiliated in my life!"

"I find that hard to believe Jacob."

"To think you acted all holy and innocent with me." He continued dramatically.

Sam came up behind Jacob and started rubbing his shoulders and whispering in his ear; I resisted the urge to vomit. _Like Jacob had anything to be stressed about._ "He has been so stressed this past week he's hardly been able to work. You really should be more considerate."

"Are you serious? Fuck you, to the both of you. You were embarrassed Jacob? How do you think I felt a year ago? You banged every smoking man on this side of the Seine and then fell into the bed of my best friend all while you were still with me. Claiming that you loved me. How humiliated do you think I was to find out that my boyfriend had been fucking my friend behind my back for months? And you Sam, you're an asshole. I should be more considerate? I never would have thought that consideration was something either of you deserved, least of all form me. You both put me at risk. You were my friend, Sam, you slept with him and lied to me for months and didn't have the nerve or balls to tell me. No, what did you pair of pricks do? You waited until I found the two of you together…in my apartment, on my couch!

"I could give a shit if you're distressed and can't work. What else is new Jacob, you don't work. All you ever do is sit around on your ass, smoking and drinking, talking about that one play you were in six years ago."

He seethed, he hadn't had an acting job in years and he knew it but he liked to pretend otherwise _Pathetic loser._

"I'm an actor Bella, what the hell are you these days, a low rent whore dancing with random fuckers before you open your legs for them!" Jacob snarled, grabbing my arm tightly.

"No, you don't get to call me names Jacob. You of all people don't get call me names and you sure as hell don't get to touch me. Get your fucking hands off me."

"Bella—"

"You stay out of this Sam! Let go of me, now." I hissed between my teeth while Jacob's hand squeezed my arm tighter.

People were starting to take notice of us, whispering among themselves with equal curiosity and shock. A flash went off to my right, blinding them both momentary. Great, I could just picture what they say now.

_Time to get out of here Bella._ "I should have let Alice cut both of your bitch asses like she wanted to. What was I thinking?"

I ripped my arm out of his damn hand. Looking around I saw Alice laugh with Rose and her husband, my father was still holding one of the twins and Jasper was still watching me with sadness. They wouldn't miss me and I sure as hell didn't need his sadness. Pushing through the crowd I managed to reach the stairs, barely avoiding disaster when I knocked into a hard chest—an incredibly mouthwatering chest.

"Sorry." I mumbled before snagging a glass of champagne floating around on the cater waiter's tray, taking the stair two at a time. A rush of cool night air rushed over my face, here it was safe to let go.

The week caught up with me then. I cried silently, thinking, looking over the roof tops. The city looked magical at night; amber lights dotted the streets below with life, and vibrancy while the Eiffel Tower glittered like a penny in the sky. Quickly I drained my glass, wishing for something a bit stronger. I hated champagne. A good gin and tonic would be great right now, or a shot of Jack. A couple shots of Jack maybe.

The door opened and closed softly. "Alice, I'll catch a taxi, if you don't mind. Have fun with Rose and her family…" I cursed the tears in my voice, knowing she'd hear them.

Warm arms circled around me, one hand sinking into my hair while the other splayed across my lower back bringing me closer to his chest. He smelled wonderful, just like the last time—like spring grass and heady spice. "It's been a difficult week Isabella?"

I nodded, taking a deep breath of his smell. "I'm sorry about Rose. I've been meaning to talk with you but I just didn't know how to approach you and then I considered the possibility that you wouldn't want to speak with –"

"Can we just be quite for a while, Carlisle?"

He took a deep breath, nuzzling his nose on my neck. I closed my eyes enjoying the slow circles he was rubbing on the skin with his thumbs. Why did he have to feel so good?

"Anything you want sweet girl."

* * *

**A/N: What the hell got into Alice? Why is Jasper acting so sweet towards Bella? Sam and Jacob has some nerve?**

**And Carlisle, the man just shows up out of nowhere. Yummy!**

**Let me know what you think. Pretty please, a sundae with a Carlisle on top!**


	7. Merde!

**A/N: Once again, thanks to my readers, reviewers and lurkers. I love you guys.**

**I own nothing; Mrs. Meyer owns it all I just play with her characters. I do, however own sleek white iPhone and several Flapjack ringtones.**

**Enjoy. This is a long one. *That's what she said!* Hehee.**

* * *

CPOV

Alice.

She was the last person I was expecting to answer Jasper's cell phone. A millions images of that tiny women slicing me to shreds and scattering them around Paris flitted through my mind. The threat had been quite evident that last time I spoke with her; she could and would hurt me if I came near her friend. Now, I knew why she looked so disappointed in how this turned out. She had pushed Isabella towards me, encouraged her to take a chance and Isabella had listened.

Fuck, I was a dead man.

Alice's voiced softened and she asked—no, told me—to come over to Jazz's place. Something told me she and Rose would get along wonderfully seeing as the both of them were incredibly domineering. God help civilization if the two ever joined forces. Jasper came on the phone ad repeated the request that I come over.

"Jasper, what are doing?"

"Nothin', just get your ass over here. She ain't pissed at you but she sure is pissed about these damn photos. By the way…Rose is goin' to have your balls, been dodgin' her calls but I got a bad feelin' about this. The furthest we can push her away is Wednesday…if we bail out on dinner she'll beat both of us."

This was absurd; I was a grown man and a good eleven years older than her. I didn't need to fear her. _Then why do you feel like vomiting?_

"Carlisle…see ya in a few."

I didn't need to be told twice. I made my way over as soon as possible in the rain, wondering if Isabella was home already or if she was still riding around in this weather. I hoped not, she could get sick or…I didn't even dare think of possibilities.

Jasper opened the door and led me inside, quietly offering me a beer which I took. Alice was pacing the floor, a ridiculous yellow ball of glitter attached to her ear. I looked at them both; surely he wouldn't help her hide my body. Would he?

"Why won't you answer the phone? I swear on all that is Alexander McQueen, if you don't answer your phone I will call you DUCKY for the rest of your natural and supernatural life. Call Me. I'm worried about you." She hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch.

"Babe, her supernatural life? How you plannin' on makin' that happen? "

"Oh, I have my ways, for all you know I could be a vampire. One bite and three burning days later and bam she'd be ducky for eternity. Besides Bella hates being called ducky, she'll call back."

"Who calls her Ducky…why?" I asked making myself known, curiosity overruling my survival instincts.

I smiled thinking about her pert little ass, how it stuck out a bit, curving away from her smooth back begging to be touched. Alice noticed and swatted my arm.

"Her daddy, and she'll have to tell you—but I wouldn't hold your breath for that one. I only found out because Charlie loves that story. When you meet him, he'll probably be wavering between shooting you and gushing about his baby. Maybe he'll tell you after he's put some lead in your gut. It's the cutest story…you won't even notice the bleeding."

Both Jazz and I stiffened. She had to be kidding. She looked serious though, then I recalled the thinly veiled threat Bella put in her note about her dad and it not being pretty. Fuck.

"Now, I have to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me because I can tell when you're lying. I didn't like it the last time and I won't take that shit from you this time. Understood!" I nodded slowly. "Bella wasn't just a warm place to put your dick for a night, was she?"

"Classy darlin'."

"Well, you don't mince words do you?"

"Never. Now, answer me."

"No she wasn't…isn't, but—"

"Carlisle, there's no but. I've known you long enough to know where you're headin' and so should you. Now, I don't know this girl—"

"Bella is the best person in the world and any man should worship the ground she walks on that he was even lucky enough to get her attention!" Alice exclaimed, fisting her hand on her hips, glaring at Jasper. Her anger was frightening but her loyalty to Isabella was sweet.

"Now, Darlin' I never said that she wasn't, only that I don't know her." She relaxed and smiled. "Like I was saying, I don't know this girl but you seem pretty taken with her. Carlisle, I know what you're worried about but to hell with a little rule breaking if you really have feelings for the girl? When the last time you felt the way you do now?"

I shot him a warning glare. "I don't want to talk about that, Jasper."

"You're gonna have to sooner or later. I ain't Rose so I won't push you but it's been a long fuckin' while Carlisle and you need to tread carefully here…for her sake." I quirked a brow at him, _for her sake?_

"Ahh, Jazz. You care about her, too? That's sweet, but I don't think he'll hurt her. I told you I have a feeling about this. Besides, Carlisle is a seasoned experienced man; he's just what she needs. I mean it's not like sex with Jacob was ever one third as satisfying as she described it with you. Carlisle I'm telling you, Bella still had that lemony post _O_ glow that morning."

"Sugar, I don't need to know that shit. No joke Carlisle, I'm glad you can use you stick and all but I do _not _need to hear about it."

I laughed freely at Jazz's horrified expression, as my male ego smirked with pride picking an imaginary piece of lint from his jacket. As if recalled correctly I knew how use my "stick" quite well. Alice kept rattling off her extensive proved theories about sex with older men, going into details that I, for one did not need or want. Jasper on the other hand seemed interested.

"I've always thought she'd like them older even if she would just give it a try. I mean I've never made a secret of my preference and from the things I've told her it was about time she sampled."

"You darlin', you like them older?"

"Oh, yeah, you're my kind of old and so much more fun than boys, they don't know what they're doing at all."

Jesus! I wondered if they had forgotten that I was in the room. If they would start peeling clothes off without bothering to check if my eyes were still intact.

"Wait a second. Have you two forgotten that I'm her professor, that sleeping with students is not exactly …acceptable or common place?"

"Come on man, it is common place."

"Jazz is right. It's so common that I can name you three professors from each department that are sleeping with their students. It's tricky and technically wrong but not impossible. And like you said, it's more that sex, right?"

" Yes but wouldn't it be prudent to first make sure that she can stand to be in a room with me before you start discussing and planning our future? Isabella doesn't like me, especially now. Alice, what happened here? I thought you wanted me far away from her, why the sudden change in tune? And does she know about the two of you…about this conversation?"

"Bella just needs to cool off, ride Viggo for a while. She doesn't hate you, not at all, not even a little—even with the pictures. I know, Bella and this really isn't about you at all, well maybe a little bit but most it's about Renee. She was a first class bitch! She didn't give a shit about her and the worst insult to Bella is being compared to that women. All of this is just hitting too close to home—I'm not going to tell you much because its Bella's story to tell but growing up is hard when everyone knows who your mom is fucking and you don't even know what it feels like to be held by her."

It broke my heart to think of Bella never being held by the women who gave her life…that she never felt the love of a mother. A picture of a little brown haired girl with pigtails and sad doe eyes assaulted my brain and refused to wash away. How could a mother not love her own daughter? Was she hugged enough by her father? Were children mean to her? Did she have any friends or was Alice it? I was overwhelmed with the urge to drive to her flat, to hold her, to protect her from the world, to kiss the places where life had been cruel to her.

"What about this," I motioned between the two of them, then to the three of us. "I get the feeling she wouldn't like this scheming behind her back. Does she know about you and Jasper, that Jasper is related to me? That's you've switched sides?"

"I'm always on Bella's side, it just so happens that you're there as well. And Mister Twenty One Questions, I'd rather not tell her about Jazz and me—or you and Jazz—for the moment. I think she'll just see it as a betrayal and she'd had enough of that."

"I don't like the idea of lying to her." _Yet you have been._ "Wait, did you say 'she just needs to ride Viggo for a while'? Who the fuck is Viggo and why the hell would she be riding him?" My heart was pounding so loudly in my chest I could barely breathe. All I could think of was some man with his filthy fingers gripping her waist, kissing her skin, filling her. My visions blurred.

_Calm the fuck down, she's not yours._ But I wanted her to be.

"Viggo is the bike, take it easy there tiger. We always called him by his name, how rude would it be to just say 'ride her bike' when the man has a perfectly amazing name. Jesus Fucking Christ men are so touchy…and rude!"

Jasper was now chuckling next to me on the couch, holding up the jewel-encrusted phone like a foreign object, studying its facets. He shot me look as if to ask me if I could believe the state of her phone. No, I couldn't. It looked like a piece of over embellished jewelry. It sparkled in the light for Christ sake! Thank God Isabella's phone didn't look like this. Last I recalled it was sleek and white.

"Don't knock the phone, Bella does enough of that." Just as Jazz handed me to the phone to look at, it pinged. Text message.

**17 times? Pixie, really?**

"Gimme the phone." She texted while we waited her fingers flying over the keys at lighting speed.

"Ali, you called her seventeen times?" Jasper asked shaking his head, Alice simply shrugged. Her phone pinged again. "That's plain crazy, darlin'."

"She says Viggo is helping and that's she's in Aix."

"Provence?" _It takes a while to get there doesn't it?_ Hell, I don't know.

"She rides fast, what can I say?" Looking at my watch, I could see that five hours had gone by since I'd seen her. Where had the time gone? The phone pinged again. "Why would those dicks be calling her? I swear I should have gutted that pig! Oh, she's staying there tonight."

"At a hotel…shouldn't she come home, shouldn't you or her father go get her. She shouldn't be alone."

Both of them looked at me as if I had grown another head. Was it so wrong to want her to be in a safe place? Horrible things could happen in a hotel.

"Carlisle, listen, Bella's not a baby. Charlie worked a lot and Aro didn't really know the first thing about raising children-case in point Renee. They loved her but she took care of them most of the time. She knows how to take care of herself."

"I don't doubt that, Alice. I just…"

"Want her to be safe?" She offered, coming to sit on the armrest beside Jasper. How was it that they already looked like they had been together forever? "She is safe. I wouldn't be sitting here if she wasn't. Beside Bella has a house there, the place is like Fort Knots. See."

Alice handed me her phone, showing me a picture of Isabella's home. It was beautiful, purple flowers along the sidewalk and green ivy climbing over the weathered exterior. The door looked massive; with huge black bolts…it looked safe.

The phone started singing my hand, Isabella's beautiful face appearing on the screen.

_You're my best friend captain_

_When you say a funny thing _

_It makes me chuckle_

_You're my best friend Captain Knuckles_

_You're my best friend._

"Oh, speaking of the ducky. I have to take this. Why don't you order some food Jazzy and we'll all eat together after I'm done? No, tofu, I'm not eating sponges for you." I laughed loudly unable to keep it in; she obliviously didn't like his overly healthy diet.

"Hey, sweet cheeks…" She closed the door behind her softly.

"Jazzy?" He shrugged.

"These girls are too much, I love it! Carlisle, who names a bike and used a song from a Children's cartoon as a ringtone?"

Apparently _Sweet Cheeks_ did.

xXXx

We walked into the gallery and realized that we were one of the firsts to arrive. I groaned at the long evening ahead of me, the art was stunning but I still had little desire to be out on a Friday. If I didn't love Jasper I would have been at home, drinking some Jack and reading Isabella's weekly paper. The last one had been quite…_inspiring_.

"Mr. Hale. Hasn't anyone told you about being fashionably late?"

"I like being early, Seth. This is my cousin, Carlisle. Carlisle this is Seth, this is his gallery."

"Unfashionable Hale, but you're forgiven. Ummm, the things that must be lurking in your gene pool…Nice to meet you Carlisle, and what do you do?" He asked, still handing my hand in his soft one, looking me up and down.

"I'm a…professor." I stammered, I never stammered but his scrutiny was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. _Talk about eye fucking_. "Where is the other artist? I would like to meet him or her."

"Oh, Bella! Alice is in charge of her so they'll be fashionably late, thank god but if Bella and Demetri had their way she would have been here two hours ago. She would have helped set up and still looked good enough to eat. The woman is a goddess! You both will just adore her—Demetri and I do, but I give it about twenty minutes before she starts hyper ventilating in a corner. If she could hide while the masses of Paris drool over her genius she would, she'd hide in cave if she could. Demetri, come and chat with Carlisle and Jasper."

Jasper's refused to meet my eye—he knew she was the artist and simply neglected to tell me.

"Bonjour." I assumed this was Demetri. The man looked bored; perhaps he was irritated at being dragged over to talk with virtual strangers. "Allo, Hale, nice to see you again. Carlisle, nice to meet you."

Seth stepped away to go check that the waiters weren't drinking the Ruinart, leaving Jazz and I with Demetri. We talked for a while, he talked about Bella's art and how raw her new projects were, how sexually charged she had become in paints as of late. He thought of her as sister, cared for her and her work and sought to protect her from the idiocies that went with being an artist in this day and age. I felt soothed that she would have someone so committed in her corner.

"You see it's 'ard for 'er to be able to paint without 'aving someone looking over 'er shoulder or watching 'er hands work. Ever since Carine Roitfeld put in 'er in Vogue people 'ave been trying to watch 'er work, get a peak at new projects…normally Isabella wouldn't need me but I make sure she can paint in private, her old studio just 'asn't worked for 'er in a very long time. She's kind of popular in this world but don't mention it to 'er or I swear she'll walk away from your ass and you'll never see 'er again. You've seen 'er work before, no?"

"No, I haven't but I'm quite taken with what I see so far. Do you expect her soon?" I asked, hoping it came off as curious and not desperate but if Jazz's smirk was anything to go by I hadn't succeeded. _Smug bastard. _

A few people were gathering around some of her rather large canvases, sipping champagne and simply studying her brilliance. Inexplicably, I felt proud of her, proud of her talent.

"Alice will make her late, fucking little fairy. I need Bella 'ere on time. Excuse me I 'ave to smoke."

"Jasper you knew all this time didn't you?" I asked as soon as Demetri walked out the front door. He nodded but said nothing to me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She had all but ignored me this week. Every time I looked her way, I found myself thinking the most salacious thoughts, thoughts I was sure she wasn't thinking. The day she wore shorts with combat boots I physically restrained myself from plucking her out of her seat and taking her into my office. Luckily, Collette licking her lips in the front row was enough to kill my erection—she was better than the arctic showers I had been taking lately.

"Ahh, don't get pissed. I just figured your plate was piled high this week, what with Rose bad mouthin' Isabella at dinner and all. Beside Alice told me it might not be such a good idea if you knew it was Bella's show…she thought maybe you wouldn't come."

"And you just do anything Alice says…of course I would have come, are you insane?" He looked at me like I was the insane one. Perhaps I was. "Is Rose going to be a problem, I don't want her to be anywhere near Isabella. She can yell at me, fuck, she can even scold me like a child all she wants but I do not want her bothering Isabella tonight."

"I know, man I know. I'll do my best to keep the wolves away but you know Rose. Wow, don't look now but your _Sweet Cheeks_ just walked through the back."

Of course, I looked and I all but choked. All week she dressed with ease, relaxed yet unstated and sexy but tonight there was no understated sexuality. It was bold tonight. Her dress was incredible, long-sleeved, very short and black and white. It hugged her body like a glove, a gloved I longed to be. There was no way the inky likeness of the dress escaped her notice, in fact it looked a lot like the corner design of the paintings closest to me. She was a vision, art incarnate, all milky skin, mahogany locks and ripe berry lips. My reaction to her was the same as the one at Sir Winston's.

Alice caught my eye knowingly and winked before she motioned to Bella's heels. Cobalt blue and high. They made her legs look mile long and my mouth water. That wicked little sprite, she knew exactly what she was doing.

"Jasper, your women is going to kill me."

"Yeah, she's dangerous but worth the risk. Heads up, we're not telling Rose about Alice and me, okay."

"I thought you said she was worth the risk." Bella and Alice melted into the crowd and I felt the loss immediately.

"She is. I'd take all kinds of heat for that girl but we both know Rose won't be pissed at me. Losing Alice is not worth _that_ risk."

It was absurd but I completely understood him. I felt the same.

xXXx

I spent a good while on my own, looking at every piece; each one I came across was more fascinating than the next. I kept my eye on Isabella, at one point she looked like she was seconds from passing out but after disappearing for a while she looked refreshed. I had the lingering suspicion that the reason for that was Alice.

One of her pieces caught my eye and heart; deep poignant blue landscape of Paris but she made it look as if the rain was washing away the entire city. The color faded to grey towards the bottom in tiny drops. It was heartbreaking to look at yet, I wanted it. Not because it was hers and certainly not because it was morose but because it was a soul trapped on canvas. It was like her soul was in paints and ink.

I lost her after she walked away from the Jazz, Rose and Alice. The entire time the four of them were huddled together Jasper kept looking over to me, trying to convey a message to me. Apparently things were not going was smoothly as I had hoped. I couldn't find her among the throngs of people smoking, drinking and fawning over her and Jasper's work. Cautiously I made my way to over to Jazz and Alice, grateful that Rose was elsewhere.

"Darlin' you completely ignored her, what was that all about? Couldn't you have gone about it a little differently…Isabella was seconds from tears. And how the fuck do you know Rose? I don't like that shit. What, are you guys friends behind my back?"

"I didn't know she was your sister until I saw the two of you together!"

"We're fucking twins, we look identical. How can you be friends with someone who obviously despise someone you say "you love so fuckin' much" Alice?"

Alice was just about open her mouth when I asked where Bella was. They didn't know. Jasper was pissed to say the least; he kept asking Alice what she was thinking ignoring Bella like that, or why she had been so friendly with his sister. She only said she was doing what she had to and walked away to find Charlie.

"Carlisle, Rose really hates her."

"What did she say? So help me if she—"

"I'm actually more pissed about Alice than Rose—I expect Rose to be a bitch, I know how she can be. But hell, what I just witnessed was like some playground friend stealin' shit. I've never seen two women act so damn childish. Bella looked hurt, not offended, but deeply hurt. It's been a while since I saw a girl look that sad. You better go find her."

"Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, she was talkin' to some big fuckers…didn't look pretty."

I didn't even answer him, he would understand. There were too many people here to be able to spot her easily but I tried just as well. Figures when you're searching for one person you find the one you least want to find, Collette was just around the corner, licking her lips like a hungry cat—she should really buy some lip balm—holding onto my sleeve. I managed to get away and just as I was about to check the nook where my painting hung someone crashed into me so hard I had to reach out and grab the girl to keep her from falling. I asked if she was fine but she didn't seem to hear me. I leaned in closer intending to ask her again but was assaulted with the scent of Jasmine and Violets.

Isabella.

"Sorry." She grabbed a champagne glass and walked away from me without looking up.

I followed but she didn't seem to notice—I could have been someone dangerous and here she was ignoring her surroundings. Fuck, I would have expected better from a police officer's daughter.

From my vantage point, I traced the graceful arc of her neck as she looked out on her city, the lights, and the vibrant life of France. She seemed lost in thought, not pleasant ones if her face was any indication. In the moments between our last conversation and now watching her silent tears, it became quite clear that my blue painting captured her to the fullest. Complex and beautiful, serene and passionate, yet sad in way I could not fully understand. I found that I wanted to understand. Perhaps this sadness was a new addition though I doubted it.

Stupidly I let the door close and she, thinking it was Alice, informed me that she'd find her own way home and to enjoy my family. It was a simple enough statement but I could hear the injury in her voice, even more so when it came to my cousin's name.

I went to her, because, really I could think of nothing else but holding her. She knew it was me from the first inhale she knew it was me and that made me incredibly happy, that she would recognize me after such a small amount of time to together. When she sank into my arms I felt compelled to explain, to apologize for Rosalie's behavior but she asked for silence so, I gave it to her.

Nestled against me Bella shivered in the cool night air. Her dress thinner than it looked and her legs were exposed, of course she had to be cold. Looking around I saw that this roof also served as garden of sorts complete with an iron table and chairs. Sure, there were four chairs and Isabella could have sat in any one of them but I sat down and placed her in my lap, wrapping my blazer around her shoulders.

"Your hands are freezing." I whispered taking her hands in mine and putting them on my chest. Yes, I was torturing myself but at least her hands would be warm.

"They always are. Charlie always says…warm hands cold heart, cold hands warm heart."

"My hands are warm; does that mean my heart is cold?" She shook her head, resting it on my shoulder.

"I think he just made it up." She sighed softly and I felt a wetness seep into my sweater. She was crying noiselessly in some misguided attempt to keep her tears from me; it was useless I felt them, had a part in them but I knew she didn't want to show me this so I pretended not to notice.

Isabella was quite for such a long time I thought she might have fallen asleep, instantly I was reminded the night we spent together, the way her eye lashes casted shadows on her cheeks and how I simply watched her before succumbing to sleep myself.

"This was supposed to be a big important night for me, you know, I had been looking forward to it for a while. Funny, I never expected it to turn out quite this way. Now, I'll have a bruise and some more pictures to deal with after this weekend. What is it with me and weekends these days."

"'Bruise? Rose grabbed you?" I was shocked. Rose was known to verbally thrash you but never had I thought she'd physically hurt Isabella.

"No, Jacob did." That was three times I'd heard that name, twice falling from her lips. I wanted to ask but she asked me a question instead, quickly to change the subject. "Have you been here all night?" I nodded, resting my head against hers. "What do you think?"

"I'm in awe, Isabella. You're very talented and oddly enough, I'm proud. Does that sound strange to you, that I'm proud of something I had no part of?"

"No, it's not strange." She mumbled quietly playing with the collar of my sweater. "You…said it was a hard week, was yours…particularly difficult?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"Well, I'm afraid it had a lot to do with a student of mine. You see on Friday she yelled at me, not that I didn't deserve what she threw at me but still, not the most ideal way to start the weekend. Then in class, she ignored me, I saw her everyday of this week—though I don't think she noticed and that was disheartening. Then I had a rather long and tense meeting with a creepy bloke named Marcus over at Canard publishing. I expected her to be there but she wasn't. Wednesday was my favorite; family never stops reminding you of how flawed you are. Trust them to throw years of mistakes in your face and top it off with intense judgment of a certain dance with a certain student. Then this afternoon said student ignored me some more, but," I whispered in her ear, "perhaps tonight can be the week's saving grace."

"You don't like Marcus?" I shook my head and told I felt it was the other way around; the man had scowled at me the entire hour while setting up my two major book signings. Apparently, people were quite anxious to meet me, though why I had no clue. "He's priceless to Canard; seven people can't do the job he does…maybe that's why he had a stick up his ass at work. Don't take it personally Carlisle; he's really usually pleasant outside of Canard."

"Speaking of _Canard_ was that done on purpose or is it a coincidence, ducky?" She groaned loudly. I chuckled and held her tighter.

"It's a story I'll take to the grave with me, so don't ask."

"Now, I really want to know." I murmured against her hair as my hand slipped inside my jacket, resting on her ribs.

"As handsome as you are, you can't trick it out of me." Her breath hitched as my hand went lower, caressing her hip before coming to rest on her bare thigh.

Casually I stroked her leg, down to her knee and back up, skimming my nose along her jaw. "I bet I could get it out of you? I have my ways."

"Carlisle."

I groaned; hearing my name on her lips was nothing short of bliss. _Jesus, what I give to hear her say it, scream it, in the heat of passion again. _I groaned again but this time for a very different reason, God the power this women had over me inexplicable.

Slowly she started dragging her soft lips on my collarbone; her hot breathe warming my skin as she moved to press an open-mouthed kiss at the base of my neck before biting tenderly. I whimpered and she smiled smugly but honestly, I didn't care.

"I like how you look in blue _Professor Cullen_." Fuck that sounds so…erotic. "I like this sweater, it's very sexy…it's almost as soft as your skin." Her fingers started playing with the hair, running through the strands and tugging, nails light scratching my scalp. "These glasses have been driving me crazy all week." Her hot breath licked the rim of my ear, my eyes rolled back at the pleasure she was hell bent on creating.

Well, two can play this game. "Thank you, Miss Swan. You look incredible tonight in this dress," Bringing my hand up from her hip I reached up to palm her breast, almost immediately a tight nipple stabbed my hand. One pinch and Isabella let out a whimper of her own. "But I have a feeling it might look even better off, on the floor somewhere while I run my hand all over your _soft _skin."

Bella shivered at my words. Rational thought fled and all I could bother to think about was ring out every ounce of pleasure for this fantastic women. Again, I teased her leg, only this time my fingers caressed her inner thigh, making sure to go high but not quite high enough. She blushed an appetizing color pink; a color I knew spread over her entire body—her nipples, her clit, her wet and swollen center. Fuck, I had only gotten one taste and I craved it, now more than ever. The week of longing for her caught up with me and hit me full force, because here she was, on my lap, blushing, hot and playing with me.

She squirmed, creating the most amazing friction against my now rock hard cock. There was no way she didn't feel it and as if to prove my point, she pushed her ass a bit harder on my arousal. "I know what you're doing." I all but growled.

"What am I doing, _Professor Cullen_?"

"Teasing me, tormenting me like you have been all week. You're cold and I do not want to screw on a cold table so please, stop rubbing your sweet little ass on my cock." I rasped reaching out to steadying her circling hips, "You're pushing my control little girl. Not here."

"Then take me home." She demanded against my lip before sucking my bottom lip into her mouth.

That was the last straw. I needed her now. Without warning, I picked her up, wrapping her legs around my waist, and marched over to the door, pressing her against it, hard. She let out a moan, feeling my hard length pulse between us, only my slacks and her tiny scrap of underwear keeping me from where I most wanted to be. Slowly, I ran my hands up and down the back of her thighs before slipping them under her dress to cup her ass, bringing her closer to me, rocking firmly into her while we kissed desperately.

She was driving me insane; her smell, her heat, and her intoxicating sounds.

I couldn't get close enough; she seemed to feel the same, wrapping herself around me. _Had she been thinking about me as much as I had been thinking about her? _God, I hoped so. She trembled in my arm just like she had the last time, murmuring things in French against my lips while her fingers dug into my arms.

I could feel everything, her over heated skin, her wet sex so close to my fingers, her nipples straining through her dress, her words and her body were begging me for release. Who was I to deny her of something I had been dreaming about?

Wrapping my lips around her nipple, I sucked and nibbled at her through the fabric, biting down the moment curse words left her lips. Sensing she was close I worked my hips harder, held her closer, licking and kissing her neck before biting her softly mimicking her actions on me. Bella cried out loudly.

_She likes the biting_; I stored that away for later.

"You're so close aren't you?" She nodded and gasped when I nipped at the skin behind her ear. "Do you want me to make you cum, sweetheart?"

She nodded again. "No, I need to hear you. You need to tell me." I demanded.

"Yes, please…Carlisle."

"That's my girl." Taking her ear lobe into my mouth, I sucked and nibble at her sweet skin. _Was there any part of this woman I didn't want to consume?_ No, there wasn't. I wanted it all. "Let go, cum for me sweet girl."

Watching her climax was nothing short of perfection. Thin sheen perspiration covered her neck and face as her entire body shook. She whimpered and clawed me like a little kitten; her pouty lips trembled forming a perfect little O. Her orgasm hit her so hard I wondered if she had had any sort of relief these past two weeks, if this had been building for a while now and only now shattered. Looking at her face, aftershocks still running through her, I had my answer. Had I known I would have gladly given her anything she needed, at whatever moment she needed it.

"You're so beautiful." I kissed her closed eyelids softly, tenderly, hoping that she understood how much she meant to me. Why she meant so much I couldn't begin to comprehend but it didn't matter. "I love watching you like that, coming apart under me, over me. God, Isabella you have no idea. Just like the last time…" I trailed off, too preoccupied with the scent of her hair. Why was it that she smelled so intoxicating to me?

Her body stiffened and her eyes snapped open. "Just like the last time?"

_Merde__!_

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**A/N: At least Bella got a little something right? The shit is about to hit the fan, duck Carlisle. Merde means shit...as in OH SHIT!**

**Bella's dress is Emilio Pucci Long-Sleeve Ruched Mini Dress at Saks fifth avenue (dot) com if you're interested.**

**Review please. Pretty please! If you do I'll give you a Carlisle in full Sexy Professor Mode; black glasses, blue tie and a ruler tapping against his thigh while he waits for you to take your seat.**


	8. Left Bank

**A/N: Thank you to my Beta, xoxocullenluverxoxo. You're the best!**

**Thank you to those of you who read, have made **_**April in Paris**_** a favorite, put it on your alerts, reviewed and to those who did not, my little lurkers...please review. Don't be shy. I'll respond to all of you. Good or bad, I want to hear.**

**I do not own Twilight or its characters. I do own a green Kitchen Aid mixer.**

**Left Bank by Air...give it a listen.**

**Enjoy**

* * *

BPOV

"You're so beautiful." He told me kissing my eyelids tenderly while aftershocks rocked my body. His breath washed over my face; hot and sweet, making me shiver and ache for more. I wanted him inside of me. I wanted to watch him unravel while I rode him.

Almost as if he knew my thoughts, his cock twitched, hardening further between us. Holy Fuck! My body was dripping already anticipating the heavenly fullness that awaited me behind his zipper. I could only hope I'd get to feel it tonight.

"I love watching you like that, coming apart under me, over me. God, Isabella you have no idea. Just like the last time…" He declared thickly.

Wait a minute…last time?

He had seen me like this before, four times in fact but he had told me, quite vehemently, that he did not remember anything for our night together. Nothing at all. But of course, he did. He wasn't drinking excessively; I don't know why I hadn't seen through his explanation before. My heart sank.

_Liar._ He lied, over and over he lied. Led me to believe it had been nothing more than an intoxicated blur. _Fucking Liar_.

"Put me down."

I don't know if he heard me or not; both my voice and nerves were shot. I wasn't angry, I couldn't find anger, but I felt sick. Perhaps if he weren't touching me I'd stop feeling as if I was swaying in the middle of a choppy ocean on a tiny skiff with no Dramamine. Carlisle didn't move, on the contrary he felt closer, unable to put space between our bodies. I felt his hard thick length pulse against me again and I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning at the sheer pleasure of such a small thing—or rather large thing. Even tinged with his dishonesty it was appetizing.

_Bella, he lied to you and you're still thinking about his cock. Get off him, now!_

Before I did something stupid, I asked him to please put me down. I needed an explanation. The second he put me down I felt worse; empty, exposed, and deceived. It all came rushing back to me then.

These feeling were unbearably familiar. It had been a year since I felt any of them and here I was—the afterglow of my orgasm a distant memory—on Seth's roof watching a man squirm.

_Jake squirmed that night too._

"You lied to me." How simple was it for people to lie to me? Did I make it difficult to be honest?

"Please, Isabella let me explain." I merely nodded watching the amber glow of the street lights play over his face. He dragged a hand nervously through his hair before he began speaking again. "I never meant to deceive you. It isn't something I set out to do, but then in my office that morning I said the only thing I could think off. I said the first thing that came to mind; I figured it would be—"

The door whipped open, startling us both.

"Bella, I know you don't like being the center of attention but you 'ave to be down there at some point this evening. I can't keep them away from you all night…"

At first Demetri didn't notice Carlisle but when he did his eyes narrowed and practically snarled. His protective streak broke through in foul words he thought Carlisle couldn't understand.

Carlisle winced at the obvious disdain in his voice when Demetri pin pointed him as the one from the photos, calling him every horrible name he could think of…the worst being American Pig.

"Demetri, C'est assez ! Mon père s'avère justement être un Américain. Ta gueule et descendez des escaliers, je serai là bientôt." He left without another word, but he was far from done with me.

I was not looking forward to that conversation.

"Isabella…"

"I can't do this now, I'll talk to you on Monday Carlisle." Smoothing my dress over my thighs making sure everything was where it needed to be I turned and left him. I didn't even get to the fourth step before his hand wrapped around my arm, spinning me around to face him.

"Please Isabella, I can't wait that long. We need to do this now." His eyes pleaded with me, deep and vibrant, they begged me to stay and listen.

The look alone would have kept me at his side but in combination with the warmth of his body and the promise of an explanation, I was spellbound. "I don't like being lied to Carlisle. Why would lying be the first thing that came to your mind? Is that a reflex of yours? You could have told me instead of making me think I was the only one with any memory of what we did, how it felt. You let me believe what I felt was one sided and it's pretty obvious from what just happen up there that it wasn't…isn't. Fuck, you have no clue how much I—"

"Bella, get down here now. Demetri is pissing his pants. Oh, Carlisle, you're looking just as delectable as before."

_Back off trouduc! _

"I see you've met the lovely Bella, don't bother barking up this tree…the girl opens for no one. There was once this—"

"Seth!" I growled.

"What? It's true mon ami, when was the last time you were properly worked over?" I blushed and cursed yet another trait I had inherited from Renee.

"I'm leaving now and I'd appreciate if you could not talk about my sex life or lack thereof while I'm gone. I'm sure Carlisle does not need to know how long it's been since I've been," I shot a look at Carlisle; mostly because I wanted to watch his face, "properly worked over."

His mouth hung open and his beautiful deep blue eyes widen before he brought his hand to his face scrubbing it harshly. Just the reaction I was looking for. Seth raised an eyebrow and made no comment but he wasn't thickheaded—he knew there was more here than just a casual meeting.

When I rejoined the party, I was forced to put the _I'm-so-pleased-to-meet-you-Bella-face_ on. Apparently while I was away the rest of my paintings were sold,. I would have loved to meet the person who bought the blue depressing one, but instead I was paraded in front of the arrogant high brow buyers, critics, art dealers, and reporters asking questions; where do you work? Could I watch? Who was the man you were having sex with at Churchill pub? Is he here? Did your mother give you any advice on juggling men?

You know the normal run of the mill questions. I resisted the urge to punch the prick that asked me the last question.

At some point the night ended, the people left and Seth's employees were walking around cataloging all the paintings with green stickers on the nameplates preparing them for shipping the next day. Jasper's art had sold as well which only could mean exciting thing for him.

"Hey." He said cautiously. "You want to talk about whatever is making you look like someone pissed in your corn flakes?"

"I haven't heard that in a while, Alice always says 'what has you lookin' like someone crapped in your Louis V'. I'm willing to bet the two of you just might be soul mates. Where's the family?" He told me they had left a while ago with Charlie because the babies were knocked out.

Charlie didn't even say good bye. What was with my people, they were acting so strange. Jasper had been looking at me while my mind turned over question after question. Quickly I said the only thing I could think of, hoping he didn't assume I was crazy.

"Your niece and nephew are beautiful."

"Thanks. My sister takes great pride in their beauty, vain as fuck if you ask me. I hope they get Emmett's personality though." I laughed but it was forced. "So, do you want to talk about it?"

"You don't need to do that. Listen, we just met," I pulled my sleeve to glance at my watch, "four hours ago so you really don't need to be interested. Besides, if there's one thing I know, a family like yours sticks together…thanks for trying to keep the heat off me before but it's an unwritten rule that if your sister hates someone, you hate that person too. If I had siblings I'd do the same."

"No, I don't think you would. Rose can be an ice queen, a bitch even…but my sister is loyal to a fault. She's extremely protective of her family and goes into this Rambo, fuck you all mode. "

"She doesn't have to protect her family from me. No offense, but what business of hers what some magazines are saying about me? She doesn't know me… I don't need any more judgment or people taking shit behind my back, I have enough of that and she seems to like my father so maybe she should just mind her own business. Whatever happens in my life had nothing to with her. Why would she care?"

"I'll give you one reason darlin', Carlisle." I froze.

"You k...know him."

Of fuckin' course the beautiful blondes would know each other—what do they travel in packs? Then I remembered the way he had asked if Rose (not Rosalie) put her hands on me. "You guys are related aren't you?"

"Yes, just not in the way you'd think and for the record Bella, Rose's hair color comes from her hair dresser, her hair is light brown not golden. And we _don't _travel in packs." I blushed hard and he just chuckled.

"That's why you're upset, Carlisle. I was hoping you two would get this resolved tonight. I'm sick of his moping around. Guy's been a pain in my ass all week."

"Well, you seem informed." I muttered, watching Seth dictate to the cater waiters how to put the cheese away. Separate bags for each type of cheese, each block having to be cubed precisely so. Talk about micro-managing.

"We talk Bella, he cares about you and that's uncharted waters for him. It's not something he lets himself feel towards the gentler sex."

"So what, he's the fuck 'em and leave 'em type…I didn't peg him as that sort of man?" He whispered something that sounded like Alice is rubbing off on you, but he spoke so quickly I couldn't be sure.

"No, Bella, he's most certainly not that guy. _When_ he loves, he loves with everything he has. That's why this is hard for him. "

"I'm confused." It seemed that Seth had taken a break from barking orders and was eye fucking Jasper much like he had been eye fucking Carlisle earlier. I wondered if either of these men knew that Seth was drooling over them both, picturing countless scenarios in which all three of them were deeply involved in gay orgy. Seth caught my eye and winked like the devil himself licking his lips.

I glared back. The bitch better back off of Carlisle or so help me. I was not above a little rough housing, Charlie taught me well.

"I know darlin' but it ain't my story to tell." Jasper looked over my shoulder with glazed and distant eyes and added, "Seems like I'm keeping tons of secrets these days."

"I won't make you keep any of mine Jasper."

He smiled softy and thanked me for that.

xXXx

I managed to get out before Seth or Demetri got a chance to corner and interrogate me; there was plenty of time for that later. I got a cab home, which I despised, but I didn't have much of a choice.

I barked out my address to the poor man. I apologized and he smiled assuring me nights like these happened to everyone and then quietly drove me home. I was upset over the fact that Alice had basically left me stranded without an explanation. What was wrong with her? This wasn't the girl I knew and loved, the girl I did shots with and told all my secrets. Where was Pixie? I sent her a text but it went unanswered.

At first I worried, (Alice never lets my text messages go unanswered) but then I realized she was more than likely busy with her new friend and my concern evaporated.

It was a little after three in the morning when I got home, my feet hurt and I just wanted to close my eyes. Maybe I'd have a little wine, relive what it felt like to be so close to Carlisle and then crash. The building was quite and in the elevator the prospects of another long and sad weekend stood before me.

Maybe I'd visit Charlie, keep him company, make him some more ice cream—lavender honey with hazel nuts, he'll love that. My stomach growled at me and I realized that other than the champagne I hadn't eaten anything since noon. The elevator dinged and it grumbled again, loudly.

One of these days you're gonna pass out and then they'll say you're anorexic.

"Either that or pregnant, Bella."

Fuck, my inner monologue was failing me tonight. I looked around wondering if Felix had come back from Morocco already. But it wasn't Felix. Sitting on the floor with papers in his lap, those sexy black frames and a red pen was Carlisle.

I must have looked perplexed because he rushed to explain.

"Haven't you even seen those Spanish novellas? Every time a woman loses consciousness in one of those it's because she's pregnant, they never stop to consider any other possibility. I've never understood that, I mean passing out isn't exactly a symptom of pregnancy. Once when my television got stuck on SAP and I couldn't change it. For a month, the only television I saw was in Spanish. Sorry, I'm rambling."

His nervous rambling was adorable, but I was still confused as to why he was here rambling in the first place, so I asked. "I told you I couldn't wait till Monday, Isabella. We need to have this conversation."

"It's three in morning, how long have you been sitting here?" I hadn't seen him after we talked on the stairs; I hoped he hadn't been here all this time. One look at his sheepish grin told me he had been here for quite some time. His ass had to be numb, I frowned. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long."

"It's was nothing really. I had some rather interesting reading material to help the time pass, but my ass is a bit sore."

I nodded. Thinking about his ass was diverting, especially when all I ways I could _stimulate_ him came to mind. Absentmindedly I opened my door and switching on the lights and waited for him to walk inside before locking the door. I thanked God that I had cleaned this afternoon because while the last time he hadn't explored anything other than my body, this time sex wasn't our main goal.

Nothing could have prepared me for how easily he fit here, how simple it was to let someone other than Alice into my apartment. Standing by the shelves Carlisle politely took in random things, books and my little jade elephants, smirking when he came across a picture of me as a baby in my grand-père's arms surrounded by baby ducks. I blushed at his questioning expression. Desperate to get him away from that picture I asked if he was hungry, but he shrugged me off.

"Where's your kitchen Bella, I don't see it?" Carlisle asked after looking around.

"This place has tons of surprises. You didn't do much looking around last time you were here did you." He shook his head no, saying that it felt intrusive without my being there. After draping his jacket over the arm of my favorite chair and placing his papers on the side table, he came to stand beside me, curious as to what secrets were hiding in plain sight. I tried not to think about how his things looked in my space affected me—if I didn't know any better I would have thought he was coming home to me after a long a day at work. "Come with me."

"I'd love to." He arched his eyebrows suggestively. I blushed realizing how my words came out. _Jesus, stop with the blushing already. _

"You know what I meant Carlisle. You mind if I eat while you talk."

"Not at all, lead the way."

I couldn't help the smile that crept over my face when I threw open the double doors dividing my apartment and successfully hiding my kitchen and Studio—this was my creative sanctuary. It was large and bare with concrete floors and deep blue walls, canvases stacked up near the windows. Every art supply an artist could ever want was in this room. And the kitchen, well, the kitchen was a thing of beauty. Rough and raw like the country kitchen in Aix, only this one had everything my heart desired— commercial mixer, ice cream maker, brass espresso machine, double ovens, and one of those refrigerators with a glass door. It was heaven.

Without checking if he followed, I went over to the fridge and inspected the shelves. I decided to have a little sugar plum ice cream because, what the hell? It had been an odd day and I deserved something yummy. After severing myself I turned around to find Carlisle sitting at the bar with his eyes glued to my face.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Thank you for offering but no, I'm not hungry for food."

My body flushed at his naked truth of his words. God, he better explain fast.

After joining him at the bar I just sat there with my eyes trained on the tiny bowl, not eating or even talking because it occurred to me then that all the paintings—you know the Carlisle sex paintings—were in this room. I tried to keep Jasper's reassurance at the forefront of my thoughts but I couldn't help but doubt him. I felt exposed once again, one look at them and he would see everything. What if he didn't feel the same? What if he was a fuck 'em and leave 'em guy?

_If he was that guy, wouldn't he be gone and not in your kitchen. He could have anyone he wants yet he's here. Wake up Bella._

"Bella, what's the matter? You're not eating, sweetheart. It's melting…"

What if lying was a reflex? I didn't do liars, at least not anymore. What if he was a pathological liar I couldn't trust? He was a writer for God sakes, he could weave me a story in under five minutes and dazzle me into submission, I could try to resist, but honestly I was already half way there. Almost completely prepared to disregard the lies because of some ridiculous pull I felt for this man.

"Bella. You're scaring me."

"You said we needed to talk…so talk, please. I'll be better—I hope—after I have the full story."

"Of course, Bella, although you might not feel that way once I'm through.

I told you, I didn't plan to lie to you. Honestly when I left here, I thought I'd never see you again, one night and that would be it. I decided that things would be better that way in the long run but I wanted to see you again and that was…new to me. Before we had met I hadn't had sex in years and I haven't been in a relationship in much longer. "

"Why?"

"My life changed at a young age, Bella. I lost everyone I loved and then some…she abandoned me and it broke me so thoroughly to the point where I could barely function. Instead of dealing with it, I threw myself into school to forget, and it worked. After school was no longer my focus I turned to women to forget, which also worked.

"For years I had different women every night, and I'm ashamed to say they were nothing more than meaningless diversions. The pain caught up with me after a particular girl, a one night stand to be completely honest, nothing more than a stranger." He winced but continued, "Something about her actions brought everything back. Everything I had been hiding from came back and I wasn't ready to deal with it. I became depressed, didn't talk to my family but I didn't change my ways, if anything I became even more…. addicted. I sought relief in women much like some seek in it drugs but when they left, the pain would return a thousand times sharper. I was alone, always."

He took a shuttering breath, pausing to gather strength. Urging him to continue I rubbed his tense shoulders—the response was immediate. The tight muscles beneath my finger loosened, surrendering to me. After a few minutes, he thanked me and continued.

"Six years ago, give or take some months, my family intervened. They saved me—it was messy and I won't go into detail but I stopped the mindless fucking, got counseling and healed…for the most part. The one section of my life I've ignored is the one I feel with you, the one I haven't felt in a very long time, Bella. I've been Professor Cullen so to speak; polite yet distant, present and informative like a good instructor but elusive, for a while.

I haven't wanted anything resembling a relationship or any attachments other than family or extremely close friends. I need you to understand that when I saw you in my class all I could think was that I wanted you, all of you, and it fucking terrified me. To go from wanting nothing to wanting everything was a wakeup call I wasn't expecting. You were and still are an attachment, one I couldn't have and would definitely lose, so I lied. I knew it hurt you; I could see that, but that morning I woke up alone and it triggered my impulses to back away. I was angry…but not at you. Can you understand that? "

I nodded sadly, dashing away my tears. The joy of hearing him say that he wanted me was grossly over shadowed by the sorrow in his voice. My heart ached for him; I wanted to absorb his fears, his pain. Take them as my own. I knew what that felt like to be irrevocably changed far too young, I knew what it felt like to be left behind without a word or thought.

Abandonment leaves a scar, it affects whether you realize it or not. My mother abandoned me but who could leave Carlisle? I knew I should have woken him up, maybe if I had we'd be in bed together instead of sitting in the kitchen at three thirty in the morning discussing these things. I reminded him of a tragic loss; made him relive his sorrow.

He reached over to tug my lip from between my teeth before placing a tender kiss on it. I wanted more but he pulled away and continued explaining while his hand played with the one that wasn't caressing his shoulder blades.

"If I pretended nothing happened, convinced myself that I didn't remember then perhaps I could forget this need to be close to you. You were right to have called me a coward, I was and I don't want to be anymore. All I can say is I'm sorry and these past two weeks have been tortuous, to say the least. What you whispered to me has been on a constant loop in my head ever since. You asked me not to hurt you and I did, I have. The last thing I want is for you to feel pain, even less a pain I've caused. If you want nothing to do with me after this, I understand but I need you to do something for me first. Forgive me?"

"Of course I can forgive you, but having nothing to do with you is somewhat out of the question, Carlisle you have to know that."

"This is complicated…if we're not careful things could get disastrous for the both of us but I'm more than willing to do this. You?"

"Yes, but please don't lie to me again. That triggers something in me and I don't like it." The most dazzling smile broke across his face. He agreed ardently, pulling me on to his lap and nuzzling my neck rendering me light headed. He smelled divine; like grass, apples and man.

It was maddeningly exhilarating.

Somehow, I managed to ask him about Jasper and Rose—unable to keep the venom from my voice when I said her name. He apologized for her, insisting that she was harmless; he wouldn't let her hurt me. I felt a stab of guilt at the thought of him putting me before his family, just as I had with Jasper I told him he didn't have to do anything. Carlisle glared at me for a second before informing me that this conversation was moot seeing as she wasn't going to bother me from here on out. Before I could comment, he changed the subject and answered my question. They were his cousins but not by blood—he said no more, leaving the subject closed. I wanted to ask but the pained expression on his face told me now was not the time.

"Bella, there are some things I'm not ready to tell you yet, but I won't lie to you. I promise."

"I understand." There were things I wasn't ready to tell him yet either. Idly I played with the hair at the nape of his neck, reveling in its silky texture. He hummed softly, leaning into my hand.

"That feels good Isabella. I have to ask, my age, does it…bother you?" He asked quietly, as if he was afraid of the answer. I shook my head; it didn't bother me in the slightest. "Good."

He sounded relieved. _Silly man._

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Carlisle rubbed my back soothingly; up my spine and back down, finger lingering on each vertebra. It was relaxing and arousing at the same time. The slow burn coursing through my body intensified tenfold with each pass of his hands. I moaned quietly when his lips found the spot behind my ear, licking the skin that tingled and came to life for him. I was convinced that somewhere along the way a traveling gypsy had given Carlisle Cullen a guide to my body, how to play with it, tease, and ignite it with passions I had never known and pleasures I believed to be mythical. There was no other plausible explanation—Traveling Gypsies was my theory and I was sticking to it.

"You didn't eat you ice cream, it's a little pink puddle. I thought you were hungry, sweet girl?"

_Not for food, Professor Cullen._

His hands halted and his breath left his mouth in whoosh. Shit.

"Carlisle, will you stay with me?" I asked pulling back to look at his gorgeous face.

"Of course I will, _Silly Girl_."

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**A/N: Thoughts? Review please. Next time we're doing something different. It's already written so it won't take long to get it to you. *****fingers crossed***

**Translations:**

**C'est assez ! Mon père s'avère justement être un Américain. T a gueule et descendez des escaliers, je serai là bientôt. / That is enough! My father happens to be an American. Shut up and go down stairs, I will be there soon.**

**Trouduc/asshole (slang)**


	9. Tom Waits said it best!

**A/N: I own nothing, Mrs. Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. **

**Thank you Beta ****xoxocullenluverxoxo****, you are the best! And so speedy too!**

**We're hearing for our favorite cowboy and we finally get to find out what is up with Pixie. Let me know if you want to hear for him some more.**

**Enjoy!**

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JPOV

After Bella left, I figured it was time to call it a night, or a morning, and get my ass on home. I sent Alice a text but she didn't answer (which was weird because she never let my texts go unanswered). I said my goodbyes to Seth and Demetri; Seth informed that all six photos were sold and people were askin' questions about my work. He seemed excited, but Demetri seethed and muttered things in a language I couldn't understand, though I didn't need to fluent to know, he was talking about Carlisle. I'm sure they weren't nice things.

Seeing as I had bummed a ride in Carlisle's car and he had left a while ago, I hailed a taxi.

It wasn't a long ride but we did get lost because the driver claimed, in the thickest accented English I've ever heard, that he didn't understand my _accent_. The irony was not lost on me. After our detour, I was in my boxers, a t-shirt, unable to sleep, and looking over some photos from my trip to Père-Lachaise with Alice. The whole time she kept going on and on about my being as morbid as Bella, going to a cemetery looking for inspiration (or in my case, using it as my subject matter) but after I pulled out my camera she piped down. Apparently, it was sexy to watch me work. Who knew?

This place was new to me, nothing like home, but I liked it. And now looking at countless pictures, I decided I loved what it was doing for my work. The images were stained with a darker edge, the worn, weathered stones and trees of the cemetery lent a majestic sentiment to each photo. Before, my photos were good but here they rose to a different level. Not to sound over confident but, yeah, they were fuckin' fantastic.

Forty photos were of a somewhat private nature—nothing sexual, but I would not sell these or put them in a public show. Every last one of these shots were of Alice, some candid others not so much; her walking down the cobble stone walk, close ups of her profile against a back drop of trees, and her beside sad eyed statues. My favorite though, was the one where Alice was staring straight in to the camera with the most honest expression I've ever seen a person wear. That one fuckin' made my heart hurt.

God, I loved this woman.

Not a moment after the thought crossed my mind there was an enthusiastic knock at my door. A quick peek at the clock told me it was about four in the mornin'. Only Alice.

"Hey darlin'," I greeted her, pulling her tiny body against mine and kissing the mole on the rim of her ear. "You didn't answer your phone, everything alright?"

"Yeah, it died a while ago. Jazz, can we go up to my place?"

I nodded and followed her; amazed that she was still in those high ass heels. My baby knew how wear those things. The second we got to her place, she announced that she was going to change out of her clothes so that we could eat some ice cream and talk. Sitting on her couch I waited, inspecting her black leather furniture and yellow and aqua pops of color—if you didn't know Alice, you would the moment you stepped through the door.

I knew we had to talk and while normally hearing a lady say those words struck the fear of god himself into my heart, with Alice it was simply a conversation. Nothing bad would come of it; she needed to explain some things to me, clean cut and to the point.

Looking around I saw the infamous white silk Channel blouse hanging from a jeweled hook and smiled. If it hadn't been for that damn blouse, I never would have gotten Alice.

xXXx

_It was Tuesday and I was standing in my tiny kitchen with all the fixings for my morning protein shake. Carlisle had left my place lookin' conflicted, he had told me about his exploits with the lovely Isabella as if it was a horrible mistake, but the entire time I didn't see regret in his eyes…or hear them in the tenor of his voice. This was a situation he could not control and that was difficult for a man that has lived the past six years of his life with absolutely unfailing control over himself. I knew what he was struggling with—hell had I been in his position all those years ago I'm not sure I would have made it yet alone find the strength to trust another women—but he needed to pull his head out of his ass and he needed to do it soon. I could see it already that this girl was good for him, now if only I could get him to see it._

_This morning I didn't go for a jog, instead after drinking my breakfast I glued my eye to the peep hole and waited. I didn't dare put the music on because then I was more likely to miss the little five foot nothing girl who lived upstairs. Soon enough, she walked down and stopped outside my door to rifle through a bag that was easily four times bigger that she was. But even with the ridiculous bag she was…_

_How do I even go about describing Alice? From the moment I laid eyes on her I knew she was supposed to be mine, I just knew it. Alice had the face and body of a saucy fairy, coal black hair and skin the color of milk. She was like ice cold sweet tea on a hot Texas afternoon, like a warm peach cobbler with a dollop of homemade whipped cream, like the ice in my drink. She was perfect for me._

_Without giving it a second thought I whipped open the door and greeted her kindly. She glared and mentioned her blouse again before turning her pretty green eyes back to the contents of her purse, which seemed to be a whole hell of a lot more interesting than I was. My hopes plummeted._

_**Fucking wheatgrass, damn you to hell. **_

"_Alice, I was just wondering if you could let me show you something before you run off."_

"_Sure, whatever Cowboy." She still didn't look up at me but that was just fine. The small smile I saw tugging at her lips was enough for me…at least for the time being._

_Quickly I got the papers I had spent so much time looking for on the internet, smiling like a fool because I sure hoped this would get me into her good graces. "Well, I know how much you loved that blouse and to me it's just a white –"_

"_It's Chanel!" She claimed, cutting me off exasperated and forlorn that I didn't seem to understand the importance of such information._

"_Let me finish, please. I asked my sister about this and she informed me that I was and I quote "A fucking idiot for ruining Chanel" and then she went into an hour long lecture on Coco Chanel—I learned so much. While I was sorry about it before, now I'm dismayed that I caused such damage. So I figured this was the least I could do to help." I finished my speech, putting the papers in her hand._

_For a second I couldn't be sure what she was going to do, uncharacteristically, I got nervous. I started rambling that I had called at least seven different dry-cleaners but not one of them places spoke a lick of English so I had to resort to the help of the world wide web and that this(the papers in her hand) was the best method I could find._

"_If you'd let me, I'll clean the blouse myself. I already ha—" She cut me off again, this time with her finger on my lips. I almost sucked it into my mouth._

"_Jasper, will you shut up for about a minute." I froze; she had never called me by my name before. I wasn't even aware she knew my name; I suppose I just assumed that she would always call me Cowboy. "Why'd you do this? I mean you can't really expect me to believe that you went and found the only way to remove wheatgrass stains from a white silk chemise without screwing up the fabric simply because you 'felt dismayed over causing damage '. Southern or not, __**no one**__ is that thoughtful. __**No one**__ cares that much."_

"_**I**__ am and__** I**__ do."_

_Her emerald eyes pierced mine and in them I could see every emotion that passed through her. Astonishment, gratitude, lust, and relief—I reckon my eyes mirrored hers because she threw herself at me, latching on to my lips with her soft pink ones as if she had been waiting for this for a very long time. Lord knows I had._

_I groaned when I felt her tongue slip out to lick my bottom lip before slipping it into my mouth and lick my teeth. She really didn't mess around. Unable to stand it any longer my hand snaked around her waist and pressed her tightly against me, my arousal sandwiched between us while I deepened the kiss. Her taste was unlike anything I had ever had the pleasure of tastin' before; sweet and ripe like a plum. When we both needed air her lips didn't leave my skin, instead she licked my jaw, the bow of my lips and the shell of my ear. _

_When she bit my neck, I moaned and pulled her closer to me. I wanted her, right now and by the way, she was rubbing her sweet little body against mine I was certain she wanted me too, but I had to stop. Maybe she was just an overly eager kisser. I didn't want to misread the situation and offend her._

"_Darlin', I suggest you stop doin' that, I can't take much more."_

"_I'm not stopping, so either__** take**__ me inside or I'll __**take**__ you right here."_

_The evil glint in her eye told she'd do it and for that, I felt myself fall deeper for her than before. Without further discussion, I picked her up, wrapping her legs around my waist and walked inside, kicking the door closed before heading to my bedroom. Alice stopped me, begging me to put her down on my light table instead. How could I do anything other than comply? _

_After shoving aside some random negatives, I placed her down and stood between her legs, spreading her knees wider. Somewhere along the way her bright red shirt was been tossed aside along with my shirt. Leaning my forehead on hers I watched as her fingers played with my chest hair; how she grazed my nipples making me shiver. She mapped out my torso and when she was done, her little finger ventured south. Down stomach and hips, teasing the muscles that quivered she dipped her hand inside my basketball shorts and gripped my hard cock._

"_Humm Cowboy," she purred against my neck, "Now I understand the concept of saving the horse."_

"_Glad I could clear that up…for you darlin'."_

_I kissed her bare shoulders while she pumped me, slowly moving her hand up and down, around my head and back down. It was too much and from her smug grin, I could see she loved having this effect on me. Not being one for losing the upper hand I pulled the thin triangle of lace covering her breast down and pulled her tight bud into my mouth, sucking hard. Surprised by my attack her hand gripped my cock harder, yanking it forcefully._

"_Alice, Christ in heaven, that feels so good." I rasped before moving to her other nipple._

_She moaned loudly and shoved my shorts and underwear down my leg as far as she could reach with her hands. Her eyes were feral, blazing green as she took in my body. Apparently she liked what she saw. I could just see my dick itching to tip his hat and say 'Howdy there lil' lady, I've got everything you'll ever want'._

_I felt a drop of pre-cum dribble out and Alice decided to take it upon herself to taste me. Frozen by lust, I watched with hot fascination as she brought a wet finger to her lips and moaned, fervently._

"_Shit, Alice…are you tryin to kill me?"_

"_Why would I want to do that?"_

_Licking her lips hungrily her feet came up and pushed the offending garments the rest of the way down, her heels scratching my thighs on the way down. Pain and pleasure racked my body and I made a vow to myself to return the favor…soon. _

_Abandoning my grip on her waist I quickly got her out of her skirt—coincidentally held together by a zipper from waist to hem. I unwrapped her like a Christmas present. Dumbstruck I took her in unabashedly, her tiny red thong and a juicy looking apple tattoo on her hip. I wanted to take a bite._

_She informed that she was safe, on the pill so I could cum inside her. I damn near choked at her words, died and went to Jesus with the ones that followed. "Jasper, I need you fuck me. Now!"_

_Damn, she set my blood on fire. The women knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it. The panties were soon a distant memory, and I was rewarded with the sight of the woman I already loved so passionately naked beneath me. Leaning down to kiss her, I whispered to her my feelings, poured them into her, letting her feel how potent my emotions were. _

"_God, Jazz, please." She begged, "I've waited so long."_

"_Me too darling'." _

_One thrust of my hips and I sank into nirvana, bliss, peace, perfection, joy, madness, and lust combined all into one act. We found our rhythm as if we had been doing this for lifetimes. Matching thrust for thrust, desperate to consume each other. Her fingers tangled in my hair, mussin' up my already haphazard hair. My lust spiked when she tugged harder than I expected. Grabbing her legs and kissing each knee, I placed them on my shoulders, plunged deeper into her._

_Our measured pace quickened and soon we were both climbin' that blissful peak. From her dewy glow and flush body, I knew she was seconds away and it was a good thing because I was seconds from imploding. Anxious to cum with her I thrust harder, deeper. _

"_Oh, baby…that's it. Jasper babe…ohhh."_

_With a soft grunt and a low whine, we both found our sweet release. When she reached up to wipe a sweaty lock of my hair from my face I knew there'd be no turning back. _

_Alice Brandon was mine. _

_Her expression softened and I knew she felt the same way. "Yes, I am, Cowboy."_

_xXXx_

"Jazz, do mind if I put some music on?" She chirped, scattering my thoughts. I hadn't realized she came back into the room yet alone that she had come back wearing very little. But I noticed now.

She was wearing a the tiniest boy shorts known to man and white laced tank top that didn't meet the band of her panties, leaving a good amount of skin exposed…including that juicy apple.

Damn, I have always loved the taste of apples; apple juice, apple sauce, apple pie. Alice Apple Pie! Now that was recipe for Paula Dean's best dishes.

Again I was caught in the midst of a fantasy that I hadn't noticed that the music was already on and Alice was now in the kitchen. Clearing my mind of my lustful thoughts, which wasn't easy, I got up and joined her, sitting myself at her little half bar.

"Ali, I need to know why you acted the way you did tonight. You love Bella, I know this and because I love you, I can't help but feel a kind of love for the people in your life, the people that matter to you. You hurt her tonight—errr, last night—and I need to know why."

She sighed and faced me, tears welling in her expressive eyes. "I know, don't you think I know Bella well enough to know that I hurt her? I know but Jazz, I also know when she's being attacked…I only did what I did to protect her. "

"Alice…you didn't protect her at all sugar. You wounded her more, because my sister means nothing to her but you…Ali, she looked at the two of you like she was being replaced." I told her sadly.

"She can't be replaced. Rosalie can't replace Bella, ever, and now I know exactly how she feels about Bella and why she feels that way but you have to understand that if I hadn't come along and taken up Rose's attention she would have continued to say hurtful things, just like when we went shopping, and I couldn't have that. Plus, your sister didn't know about us at the time and if she hadn't been occupied, she— and Bella for that matter — would have figured it out. I didn't want to make a scene on Bella's night so I acted. I know you don't like the secrecy, so after the show I went to your sister's house and told her, she took is really well."

Alice looked at me from under her eyelashes and added with an unhappy chuckle, "I mean, I love you and you love me so there isn't anything to worry about."

For a minute of two my blood ran cold, all I could focus on was that Rosalie now knew about my relationship with Alice. Rosalie had never taken a likin' to the women I slept with but I loved Alice. We loved each other so what was there to worry about? Nothin'.

"Alright so Rose is cool with us—I didn't think she would be—but why don't you want Bella to find out? I think she'd be happy for you, for us, don't you think?"

"Jazz," Alice looked away for a moment, pausing at the blouse hanging to my left. "For the six years that Bells and I have been friends, I've slept with anyone I wanted and then shoved them out the door the second I stopped cumming. She doesn't trust men I bring around and I want her to get to know you first, love you before she knows that we're together because if she might just think you're another Alec or James or Mark, and you're not. We're so much more. That's really why I pushed Bella so hard…her and Carlisle deserve each other, I know they do. I just wanted her to find what I had already found."

"But you didn't like me then, not at all."

"Yes, I did. I loved you the moment I saw you, creamed my panties the second you spoke but then you scuffed my new leather Prada sling backs and I was pissed. The next day when you passed me in the hall your camera bag ripped my favorite lace stockings and then the cherry on top of the sundae, you spilled green crap all over my _very_ white blouse minutes before I was suppose to go out. You have no idea how long I've waited for a man like you and it was upsetting that he was a hazard to fashion. "

I chuckled at her obvious annoyance. "I'll try harder not to be so hazardous on your clothes darlin'…or you could just not wear any." Wagging my eyebrows at her, I reached for her hands.

"You did more than make up for the wheatgrass…so you're forgiven. Now come over here and help me pick out some breakfast ice cream."

"How much frozen cow juice do you have?"

I was expecting Ben and Jerry tubs but what I found was something else. Plastic transparent pint size tubs with neat slanted black writing, and there was about seven of them. How much ice cream did this girl eat? And the names…oh the names! Liam Neeson Delight, Depp Oasis, Viggo Blue, Wild One Brando…just to name a few.

"Okay! Jazzy, we got Coconut Peach with toasted Almonds, Mango Lassi Frozen Yogurt with Pistachio Biscotti Bits. Oh, Depp has never tasted so fucking good! Let's see, what else do we have in here. Oh, Blueberry tart with White Chocolate swirls and bits of Danish shortbread Cookies, that one really good and…Cherry Vanilla and Andes Mint Chocolate chunks—"

"Alice, are you an undercover ice cream maker?" I asked taking her into my arms, "I mean, where on earth do you buy these crazy ass flavors?"

"I don't...Bella makes them. Well, we made these together, or she made them while I watched…it's a girl's night tradition."

The tears she had been holding back came pouring out then. I held her while she rambled about this and that, sobbed into my shirt. Through hiccups, she told me that Bella didn't have many friends and that it had taken months for Bella to trust Alice fully. Now their friendship was now a ticking time bomb.

"I was so stupid, I'm gonna lose her Jazz." She sobbed, clutching on to me for dear life.

"No darlin' you're not but you need to tell her, it could blow up in our faces. You're not protecting her. You have the people closest to her lying. You and I and Carlisle and now Rose and Emmett, what happens if Rose tells her or Rose tells her father and her father mentions it? Don't you think finding out from someone else would erase the trust you've built?"

She looked up at me for a long time, her eyes pleading for some unknown understanding. What was it that she was trying to ask me for? If she'd tell me I would give it to her, anything, all she had to do was ask.

Almost too low for me to hear, she answered me. "Jazz, I'm not ready."

To anyone else her words wouldn't have made a lick of sense, but to me I knew what she was telling me. Neither of us had felt love before, felt completed in such a way and I suppose she was afraid of losing it, of losing me. Sexual partners come and go without second thoughts; really they're just warm bodies to pass the time, but when you feel something more, your life changes, turns it upside down or in my case, right side up. I finally felt balanced, but if she needed time to adjust, well then, I'd give it to her.

"Alright Sugar, we'll do this your way, but I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." She nodded, resting her head on my shoulder while she calmed down.

Whether she believed me or not, I wasn't sure—deep down I knew the truth. She spoke of Bella as being untrusting, but I suspected it was actually Alice that was unable to trust.

Despite what she had told me, Bella seemed apt to trust people, almost as if it was a gut reaction and she only talked herself into caution later. In her heart she trusted, which is why she felt the stabs of betrayal so sharply; her mother's, her friends, Jacob and Sam's, Carlisle's and Alice's. She never really expected the disloyalty.

But my Alice, yes, she was the one that hadn't let people in. Aside for Bella I was the only to _know_ her. In a lot of ways, she was like Carlisle; perhaps that was why she understood him so well.

She thanked me, wiping her eyes with a tissue before her usual smile came back out to play. "I love this song Jazzy."

I listened for a moment and grinned. I loved Tom Waits. "Me too, darlin'… Now how about that ice cream huh, I'm starvin'?"

She giggled, and clapped her hands like a little girl. Reaching into the freezer she pulled out another container labeled Sinatra My Apples and smirked wickedly_. _

_Damn, are all of them named after men?_

"This one, I think you might like. Vanilla gelato with green and red apples, caramel swirls and pie crust."

Could she read my mind? Damn that sounded tasty!

"I sort of noticed you have a thing for apples…all kinds of apples." She added seductively grazing her fingertip over her inked skin. Handing me two spoons she lead me to the breakfast bar and told me to sit. Somewhat stunned by lust I sat robotically and she climbed onto my lap, opening the container innocently.

I watched as Alice got a spoon full of gelato and brought it to my mouth. Closing my lips around the spoon, I couldn't contain the moan of satisfaction. I hardly ever ate ice cream, it wasn't exactly the healthiest of foods, but I would let Ali feed this to me every day for the rest of my life. That's how fucking good it was, only the addition of Alice would make it better.

"You like?" I nodded, still in trapped in the bliss of my decadent breakfast. "I knew you would."

She kissed my lips and ate a spoon full, a dribble of caramel catching the corner of her mouth. Quickly I lapped up the sweetness before kissin' her soundly, she tasted like apples and sex and I wanted more.

"Stand up, take off your clothes and don't touch yourself."

I loved that she didn't question me and that she didn't exactly obey, not completely. She took off her clothes slowly, stripped for me like she was putting on a show. Her hands roamed her body headless to my instructions. She pinched her nipples softly, my name floating for her lips like a prayer. Trailing her finger down to her pussy she played with herself openly, slipping a delicate finger in and out gathering her juices. With her eyes trained on me, she brought it to her lips and waited.

"Alice…" I warned.

Without taking her eyes off me, she sucked her finger and moaned my name loudly. My cocked twitched and strained against my boxers—I stood no chance against this little vixen. That wicked fairy was gonna pay for that.

Smacking her little ass for teasing me I picked her up and laid her face down on the counter—I couldn't resist kissing her warm skin. Gathering a small scoop I let it fall on the small of her back, she flinched at the temperature change from my lips to the cold gelato then trembled when she realized what was in store for her.

"Now, Darling, stay still for me." She agreed, her hold body straining to resist wiggling. I laughed against her skin before devouring the scoop and licking up the mess it left behind.

_Alice Apple Pie, yummy!_

"Do I get a turn Cowboy?" She whispered.

"Later, now, let me eat my breakfast Ali."

I enjoyed scoop after scoop as Tom Waits droned in the back ground. I completely agreed with him.

**There's only Alice.**

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**A/N: Thoughts? Review and I'll send you a steamy preview of the next chapter.**

**Thanks to my Beta once again!**


	10. Fun Fairs and Glares

**A/N: and I've had this chapter floating around my head since last Friday and I really wanted to update. This is a long chapter...I tried to make it short but I couldn't.**

**Je suis desole. Sorry.  
**

**As always, I don't own anything related to Twilight or its characters. I do however own a plush elephant won for me by a very sexy man.**

**Enjoy.**

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CPOV

Waking in Bella's bed this morning was vastly different than the last time I found myself surround by these sensually scented sheets. For one, I had no questions or lingering doubts about where we were or how we had gotten here—we were where we both wanted to be and that was enough for me. I was happy with that; in fact the only question I pondered was what we would be doing today.

Much like the last time the call of technology woke me, this time it was Bella's iPod. Sitting innocently on it docking station it decided that it was time I woke up but at least it was playing something soft—foreign but soft, sultry and jazzy. I would have to ask her what we were listening to when she woke, I mused. Which brought the second difference to the forefront of my mind; Bella was in bed with me. Not just with me but curled around my naked body with her arm draped over my stomach. It was beyond erotic that even in sleep she wanted to feel me—a welcomed change after so many cold and lonely mornings waking to no one.

Kissing her hair softly I pulled her closer to me and was rewarded with a contented sigh from the sleeping beauty beside me as she tossed her leg over me. My body stirred, begging me to wake her but her serene expression made the decision for me. Sleep now meant better chances of sex later.

Looking down at the women in my arms it became abundantly clear that she was too compassionate, too understanding for her own good. Any other women would have walked away after hearing how I treated women for such a long time, yet she asked me to stay.

After Esme, women held little to no interest beyond a distracting fuck. I didn't need to know about their lives, their dreams or hopes for the future...there was no future for them with me. All I needed was an outlet or better yet a painkiller. After Esme women were like Vicodin…numbing and afterwards I felt nauseated. It was harsh but it was the truth and I had told Bella. I expected her to be disgusted…or at least have more questions but she simply listened, comforted and accepted me.

She was revelation, yet I wasn't ready to tell her about Esme or my mother, or Lizzy. I could see that Bella knew to some degree what I was feeling being that her own story was quite similar but I still held back the details. _That wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass would it?_

I'd tell her; in time I'd tell her but now was not that time.

Bella mumbled something that sounded like _asspants _and attempted to burrow into me, rubbing wet core on my thigh, which was more than pleasant but if she kept moving against me so suggestively I'd take her now, sleep be damned. The music switched and automatically my mind followed the sultry tune back to our _reunion_.

_After agreeing to stay Bella just watched me for a moment, the gears clearly turning in her head. I asked her what she was doing but she chose not to answer me verbally, instead she showed me. She pressed kisses over my neck and jaw. Kisses that were everything from a brief grazing of her lips, swipes of her tongue, to open mouth feasting on my flesh—it was highly arousing and I suppose I should have taken her a bit more seriously when she said she was hungry for me. I let out an embarrassing combination of a whimper and moan when her lips closed around my Adams apple and gave it a good lapping. _

"_Isabella?" I croaked the lust evident and thick in voice even I heard it._

_Gracefully she slipped off my lap and led me to her bedroom, holding my hand in hers tightly. I followed more than willingly, eagerly._

_She shoved me lightly into a chair and with a flick of her wrist turned on the lamp. In the dim light she seemed to glow and her deep eyes doe eyes looked back at me with evident desire, I'm sure my gaze matched hers. Her expression alone would have had me on my knees desperate to taste her but did we really want do this...now...so soon after she learned the truth (well, half truth) about me? I didn't want her feel like she needed to do this._

_"Bella, dear. We don't need to do anything tonight we can just sleep. Maybe you should sleep on what I've told you. It might look different in the light of-"_

_"Carlisle shut up. I know what I'm doing and I do not need to just sleep on anything—nothing is going to change. Now, here is what I want you to do..." I gulped at her commanding tone. Fuck, where was the blushing girl I had seen all this week?_

_Bella leaned over me, her hair falling like a lovely violet scented curtain around us as she whispered in my ear. "I want you to sit in this chair and watch me undress for you, and Carlisle, you are not to talk, touch me or yourself," I groaned in frustration and she laughed in my ear. "I know exactly how you feel __**Carlisle**__—watching you lecture and having to keep my hands to myself had the same effect on me. I just want to run my hands all over you." She proved it and ran her hand up my thighs and across my erection. "God; you're so hard for me. I promise if you're a good boy I'll make it all better. Understand?"_

_I nodded and she pulled back to where I couldn't feel her warmth. _

_**Fuck, come back**__. _

_I had a deep but sudden urge to grab her, place her on my lap and grind myself into her heat, never let her leave but I didn't. I would let her led this, even if it hurt. My cock disagreed._

_"Good. I'm going to get out of these clothes...remember hands off."_

_Again I nodded like a good fucking boy but my eyes stayed trained on her as if my life depended on it—maybe it did. Slowly she slipped the hem of her dress higher on her thighs, exposing more creamy skin. My fists tightened on the arm rest as the dress got higher and higher. I had to bite my lip to keep from calling out to her once her underwear came into view. They were sheer and satin and the same shade as the heels on her feet, my hips may have bucked in search of her pussy. Of course this didn't escape her notice, she smirked. Tossing the garment aside she stood still with her hand on her slim hips and her breasts quivering in her tiny satin cups._

_"Carlisle. Do you know how much I love saying your name? Professor Cullen and Dr. Cullen have their own authoritative appeal but Carlisle. Now that's a name I could scream. I've thought about chanting your name as you take me in the shower, in the kitchen, in my studio, laid out on my bed but better yet on __**your**__ bed. Would you like that? You can answer."_

_"Fuck yes, Isabella!" I moaned, my cock swelling painfully with her every word._

_She moaned her voice rich and husky, her hand skimming along her stomach. "I love the way your voice sounds when you're aroused, you've used it many times in class, no one can tell but I can. Was it because of me? I hope so because it's the same way for me…I even pictured what it would be like to be with you in that little room beside the black board...in the morning right before class. Humm…but you want to know something; before we even meet I pictured what it would be like to be touch by Carlisle Cullen. _

"_I thought about you before I knew you, wanted you before I saw you. God Carlisle, you've been on my mind for months now."_

_"Isabella, my sweet girl...I'll give you anything you want just let me touch you. Let show you how much I've been thinking about you. Please." I begged._

_"Oh, I didn't say you could speak Carlisle. Bad boy…."_

_Slowly she climbed on her bed, even further away from me, kneeling in the center of it with her hands roaming her thighs—I pictured my hands replacing hers. She told me that she had wanted the elusive man whose book she couldn't put down to touch her, to feel her skin and make her feel the things he spoke about but she wanted to please __**him**__ in every way. Apparently, it had been a constant fantasy of hers._

_I ached to make her fantasies a reality. _

_"Oh, Bella dear please..." I broke the rules again…fuck how long would I have to wait now?_

"_Rules, Carlisle...you're going to make me punished you aren't you?"_

_I gulped and zipped my lips. Why did the sound of punishment excite me so much? Bella smiled wickedly as she made quick work of her bra and panties, tossing her panties to me. Without thinking my hand gripped the cum soaked satin between my thumb and forefinger, spreading her wetness watching as she teased her nipples. Is this want I did to her? My eyes rolled up to the high heavens as she confirmed my unasked._

_"I think it's only fair that you add those to the green ones; you make me so wet my lingerie drawer has taken quite a beating. I can't explain it; everything about you turns me on. Carlisle, here is what I want you to do. Get up and come over onto the bed please but do __**not**__ touch me. I want to touch __**you**__."_

_Faster than I had intended I climbed onto the bed, joining her in the center. It was agony not touching her soft silky skin but the promise of her hands on me was too seductive to ignore. I closed my eyes as I felt her finger graze the hem of my sweater but she demanded that I watch her undress me._

_Fuck me, this woman was going to kill me!_

_Her hand slipped under the fabric teasing the skin of my back and ribs as she acquainted herself with my body. Bella bit her lip, spreading her fingers through my chest hair before following the trail down my abs. I heard a hiss leave my lips and in a flash the sweater over my head, tossed aside like a rag. She hummed contently and felt my pride swell—she liked what she saw. Her lips went straight to my throat, licking and kissing me there while she gripped my hair, her nails digging into my scalp. _

_I protested when her finger left my hair and started teasing my lower back but she didn't care; she had her own agenda. Like a kitten with a blow of milk she lapped my chest and nipples, biting each one before nuzzling her nose into my chest hair. She left trails of heat from my heart to my navel, enjoying her exploration. Clenching the comforter in my fists I let out a frustrated whimper when I felt the warmth of her skin leave mine._

_Come back, Bella._

_"Carlisle, you smell so good but I want to taste you now. Will you let me taste you?"_

_She didn't wait for me to answer before her fingers went to work on my belt and zipper. She was murmuring something about my pants but I could hardly focus on anything other than her hand cupping my cock through my boxer briefs. I shivered with pleasure, silently begging her to reach inside and hold me in her warm hand, maybe stroke me a bit._

_"Lay down for me, Carlisle." I did as she said; anxious to see where she was going with this. "We don't need these things anymore, now do we?"_

_With that she yanked off my slacks and briefs, releasing my throbbing erection to the cool air. She licked her lips and I nearly died on the spot as she decided to torture me as punishment. _

_How long could I hold out?_

_My skin tingled with each circuit from my ankle to my knees and back down to my ankles, never going further than my knees. My hips rose in a silent invitation for her to move higher, at least caress my fucking thighs._

"_You want more?"_

_I nodded frantically, my fists gripping her sheet._

"_I think you've waited long enough. I want you to watch me…and I want to hear every sound I get out of you. Answer me." _

"_Fuck Bella, Yes! Please baby, I nee—" Wrapping her lips around my head she took me deep into her mouth effectually cutting off all vocal function._

_So wet…hot and perfect!_

_She bobbed her head up and down, my fingers threaded in her hair while her name left my lips like a prayer. Her mouth felt like a heaven and I honestly couldn't remember the last time a woman had done this to me but I did recall that is was nowhere near as intense, and they never knew exactly how to please an uncut man. _

"_God, Bella you look beautiful…with my cock in your mouth…you have no clue…what this is doing to me….ahh. Oh…I've wanted this…" She moaned loudly, the vibrations playing on my cock. "Fuck! That feels…so good."_

_Being with her like this was sensory overload; I could feel her everywhere, her hair on my stomach, her nails raking down my thighs and her tongue swirling around my sensitive head. She kept on the cusp sucking my cock but never hard or fast enough to send me over the edge._

"_Bella, baby, faster….ahhh." _

_I felt my entire body coil towards release but just when the fire in my belly would start to roar she'd ease off, letting me slip out so she could lick me from base to tip while she traced nonsensical patterns on my inner thighs. I was going to die; I knew it, if I didn't cum soon._

"_Fuck Bella…Harder…I can't…please!" I wasn't above begging. I would beg if I had to…_

_She looked up at me then, her eyes looked black with lust and oddly enough, questions. I nodded unsure of what I was agreeing to but I couldn't be bothered with that. A fierce determination flashed across her face that I didn't quite understand, it was almost as if she needed to prove herself to me. She needed to do this. While still holding my gaze she took me back between those pouty lips of her._

Bella moved against me again, rubbing my arousal with her knee shaking me from my thoughts. Any longer and my resolve would vanish all together. _Let her sleep! _I wanted to wake her, wedge myself between her legs and sink into my sweet, beautiful girl and make her scream my name. There was nothing better than Bella screaming my name in the wild throes of ecstasy-ecstasy_ I _brought her to—but she needed to rest.

_I had really worn her out, she all but passed out. _I was immensely proud of that.

Swiftly I pulled away a bit to study her body, her arms were long and thin with moles dotted like a constellation, she even had a mole on her ring finger and for some reason I wanted to lick that mole badly. While she slept I mapped out the parts of her body that were visible to me, her ankle, arm, shoulder, that luscious curve of her breast but I wanted more.

Would she object? More than likely she would not but I couldn't be sure, she seemed to hide from people sometimes…

I decided to take my chances. Careful not to wake her I pulled completely away and uncovered her. My breath caught in shock at the picture she made. She truly was a vision, a women sculpted by the masters for me and me alone and had I been a painter I would have begged on hands and knees to immortalize her on canvas, to her worshiped for eternity. But I was no artist, I could not paint of sculpt, all I had were words. Her beauty was not the reason for my shock.

_How had I not noticed that…it was rather large?_

The length of Bella's left side, from the underside of her breast to the indent of her waist was a tattoo, a perfect mixture of beauty and sadness, much like Bella herself. Encased in a frame of ornate swirls and window like lattice was a realistic scene of a girl sleeping surrounded by what appeared to be a forest. I recognized the print immediately as an Art Nouveau piece called _Repos de la Nuit. _On a poster it was lovely but on such a pure canvas as her skin the colors were more vivid, the picture more graceful, the expression was more heartbreaking and lingering sense of hope soared. It was simply _more _and I didn't understand the feeling coursing through me at the mere sight of her inked skin.

Reverently I traced the edges of her ribs with my lips, wondering if there were any other tattoos or surprises behind this enigma of a woman. Would she tell me if it hurt her, what it meant or when she decided to mark her skin? Maybe she could even explain why I found it so sexy.

"I got it a year ago, just after I found out about Jake and Sam." I looked up to see her watching me anxiously, waiting for my reaction. I waited for her to go on, resting my head on her hip. "I guess you haven't done any research on me, huh?"

"No, I didn't think it would be don't have the same luxury with me, there is nothing out there. You don't have to tell me about Sam and Jacob." I told her, secretly begging her to fill in the blanks.

"Its fine, it's not big a deal really. Sam and Jake were my only friends when I was a kid, their father's were friends with Charlie—my dad— so we grew up together. Sam and I were always close, he would protect me from bullies and mean little girls and then later he'd protect me from perverts but Jake sort of tagged along with us. He liked me, always said he'd marry me and when we were in high school I became his girlfriend."

She sighed, no doubt remembering something unpleasant. "We stayed together for a while, he was my first, unfortunately. He started acting distant with me; he'd disappear for hours and come back looking confused and uncomfortable. I just thought it was because I was painting too much and neglecting him, so I stopped for a while and started spending as much time with him and things went back to normal…sort of. After two months he begged me to go back to painting. He claimed that he loved me too much to see me give up something I loved for him; I thought he was being sweet, so I went back to showing but I made sure Sam was around to keep him company. Sam was always such a great friend and he agreed happily to hang with Jake while I was gone."

Her fingers started playing with my hair nervously; I could tell something bad was coming. It was only logical, why would Alice want to kill them if they had parted with Bella on good terms. Wanting her to know that I was here I brushed my hand along her back reassuringly. The smile my gesture won me was breathtaking but it didn't reach her eyes.

"A year and half ago or so I hit some sort of vain in the Art world and suddenly I was in demand, it was and still is ridiculous but c'est la vie, n'est pas? Anyway, the night before the show to end all art shows I came home and found Seth and Jacob fucking on my couch. I couldn't move or speak or even look away. They didn't notice me until the both finished. I knew Sam was gay but not Jacob…I wasn't angry then, I was in pain. The way they moved together told me this wasn't the first time they betrayed me.

"I expected an apology but they were angry that I had intruded on their private moment, they yelled at me, blamed me for keeping them apart. Sam turned on me while Jake went along like a puppy with every word he threw at me. Sam told me horrible things, called me selfish for keeping a mistake of a relationship going for such a long time…they were right to a certain extent. I should have seen it; I should have known I wasn't enough for him. He was never pleased with me and it should have tipped me off. Jake was different and so was Sam…I should have known they were in love."

I shook my head at their fucking logic. They betrayed her and somehow twisted their infidelity on her…and worse she believed them. It hurt me to hear her say she wasn't enough for him. Surely she didn't still believe that. These were her friends for fuck sake! Jesus Christ with friends like these who needed enemies?

"I didn't go to the showing and people started speculating that my new found fame was too much for me to handle. Alice was there for me like no one ever had been. She yelled at Sam when he tried to get me to help Jake get a job, threatening to kill them both if either one of them ever came near me again. Really it was pretty funny to witness, Sam is huge and so is Jake and to see them terrified of little Alice…priceless.

"Long story short, I realized that I let Jacob come between me and who I really was. I supported his lazy ass all that time, I gave him my heart and I let myself sacrifice things for a man that wasn't worth it. Whether I was able to give him what he needed or not…I didn't deserve what he did to me, what they did to me. It took me a while to realize that but when I did Alice and I went out and I got this."

"I'm sorry he hurt you. They were there last night, were they? That's why you went to roof, to get away." Absentmindedly she rubbed her wrist. The movement caught my eye, alerting me to the light bruising there. "He grabbed you didn't he?"

I was seething, Jacob had touched her, harmed her. It was irrational how much I want to punch him.

She shrugged her shoulders, "It could have been worse."

"Did it hurt?" I asked motioning to her body art, needing to get off the subject of this asshole. She understood and caressed my neck.

"Yes, like you wouldn't believe but I'm tougher than I look and it was worth it." I asked her why that print, why that style. I was curious…not many people go around asking for Mucha tattoos. "Art Nouveau is about art in every aspect of life. _Repose de la Nuit_ has always been special to me."

She didn't elaborate but I left it at that and decided that I wanted playful Bella back, "I find your tattoo incredibly sexy, Isabella."

"Really?" She had to be kidding me? My sex kitten had somehow been replaced by this shy uncertain girl.

Gently I flipped her on her back and positioned myself between her legs, letting her know how sexy I found her, how much I wanted her. "Really."

My length rocked against her wet lips and I whispered dirty things into ear knowing how much she loved them. I don't know what it was about her but I felt like a sex fiend, now that I had her I wanted her all the time.

We had fucked until the sun came up in the sky, the memory of her supple skin bathed in warm orange light was still fresh in my mind yet I still wanted more. Was this normal? _You're a man right? _

"Carlisle, you're killing me here. I want to take you somewhere…today…I…" She tried to protest but moaned passionately as my lips latched on to one of her tight nipples. I knew I had her then, she loved my mouth on her nipples.

"But I want to _take_ you somewhere." I emphasized the word _take _by rocking my hips harder.

"OH, God, Carlisle…please…Fuck."

xXXx

Ultimately, my powers of persuasion were too much for Bella and she caved and came, shattering around me. We didn't leave her apartment until after two in the afternoon; luckily, I had planned to spend the night over at Jasper's this weekend so I had some casual clothes to change into after showering.

"My car?" I questioned, adjusting my glasses openly ogling Bella in her tiny shorts, converses and royal blue lace pullover—thanking God for decent indecent slivers of skin visible through the sweater's knit. Her long hair was swept to the side in a messy plait leaving her delectable neck exposed.

"Do you know where we're going?" I shook my head, "That's what I thought; we're taking my bike." I followed her and after petting the damn bike she introduced us to each other as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Carlisle this is Viggo, Viggo this is Carlisle, and I know you two will get along wonderfully. You'll be safe as long as you listen to me and move when I move, lean when I lean." With that she slipped on her sexy jacket and handed me a black helmet. "Put that on and promise to behave, Mr. Cullen. I've never wrecked my bike and Charlie will kill me if I die on this thing."

I smirked at her convoluted sentence but asked myself how was going to ride behind her when she was wearing those tiny black shorts?

She was on the bike waiting, drumming her fingers amused about something. "Perhaps you should have worn something less tempting, Miss Swan. It's going to be bloody difficult to behave."

"You'll manage, now put on the helmet and let's go." She laughed

Alice wasn't exaggerating about Bella riding fast. Fast didn't begin to describe the speed at which this girl traveled but I was amazed at how well she could handle the powerful machine. As if it were an extension for her she weaved and leaned hugging the pavement. The entire ride I was hyper aware of her ass against my groin, and humming of the engine beneath us both. My hands gripped her waist while I tried to single out landmarks but seeing as signs were mere blurs as we pass them I had no clue where I was being taken. I trusted her and she seem excited about wherever it was that she planned to go, all I could do was hold on and wait.

Finally we stopped but I still have no clue where we were. Bella was watching me anxiously but a dazzling smile was plastered on her beautiful face. "How'd you like the ride?"

"It was…interesting." Her smile dropped and I reached out to cup her face, "Interesting because my ass is numb and it was _very _hard to behave but I enjoyed being so close to you. Thank you for sharing it with me, Bella."

Her dazzling smile came back, as did the blushing. She was too sweet for words. "Carlisle, Bienvenu a la Foire du Trône."

xXXx

She took me to a fun fair in Bois de Vincennes; never in a million years would I have guessed this was where Bella wanted to take me. There was a childlike excitement in the way Bella asked if I approved but I caught a flash of something in her eyes before I answered, almost as if she was hoping I'd go along with her but would be resigned to my disapproval.

It was a brilliant idea and I told her so. It had been ages since I had some real fun, I had wasted years of my life hiding away and though I wasn't "old" some days I felt old, drained and bone tired but not with Bella.

The day passed quickly, too quickly for my liking. I know that I should have been concerned with being out in the open with Bella, especially considering that the tabloids were still trying to figure out who the Churchill mystery man was and that I was technically her professor but I honestly couldn't find the will to care. I felt like I was being given one day to enjoy myself with her without having to hide and I was going to enjoy it.

I left the activity choices up to Bella, which I could tell made her happy. We walked around and played games—most of which Bella won and the ones I did win earned me two small plush toys that would soon belong to Nikki and Jackson. I should have known she'd be good at these games but it surprised me that she didn't keep any of the prizes for herself, instead she'd give them to an empty handed child nearby. If it was possible I fall harder for her in those moments.

Lunch was a test of my strength because my sweet girl got a corn dog and my mind instantly flew back to how wonderful it felt to be in her mouth. I barely swallowed my own food; I was too preoccupied with her lips. Yes, I had reverted back to my teenage years. Soon after she suggested we ride some rides and again I was meet with the same expression, she wanted me to say yes but would accept it if I was said no. _Like I would say no to her, as if I had that power._

We went on crazy rides, roller coasters I haven't been on in a good twenty some odd years. I had always loved them and when I told Bella about my rediscovered love she reached and grabbed my hand, kissing my knuckles softly. But even with all that the only ride that I can say truly I enjoyed was the flying swings with Bella beside me laughing without a care in the world.

She looked so free, it reminded me of my childhood—I could almost hear myself saying _"I'm flying mummy"—_and if the smile so profanely plastered on her face was anything to go by, the swings held a fond memory for her as well.

When she asked for a cotton candy I bought one for her and enjoyed every second of her eating it, making sure to kissed her sugar coated lips every chance I got. We talked and I told her about my two loves Nikki and Jackson and she told me a bit about her father, Charlie and how she loved feeding him and felt guilty around him sometimes. The tenor of her voice was loving almost motherly—I could see that Bella clearly adored her father and once again I was reminded of my childhood and the love I had for my father.

I decided to redeem myself with the games and much to Bella's protest I spent an inordinate amount of money trying to win one of the blatantly rigged games.

"Yes, Finally!" I yelled, fist pumping the air once I got the better of the game. Isabella just laughed and called me a big kid. The man manning the booth threw me a sour look and asked in English which plush toy I wanted. I had had my eye on one the entire time I play, that toy was the goal. "Le bleu, oui, du côté droit."

"Carlisle what are you going to do with a plush elephant?" She asked laughing while putting her arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder blade. "If you give that to one of the twins it won't be fair to the other one."

"It's for you sweet girl..." I trailed off wondering what had caused Bella to become so tense. "Bella? What's wrong?"

She wasn't paying attention to me but to the conversation the sour faced man was having with his equally sour face partner. I couldn't hear all of what was said but I did manage to catch some of it.

"_Il les prend au berceau_" or in other words _cradle robber_. I frowned at this, he was right, Bella was far too young and today she looked a great deal younger. But while I was speechless Bella was telling them to fuck off and mind their own business in the most passionate French I had ever heard before. Ripping the elephant out of their hands she dragged me away to a more secluded area.

She was quiet for a while and holding her seemed like the best idea. "Don't listen to them; they're nothing more than idiots. Thank you for the elephant, I love him already." Bella said softly.

"You're welcome, love." I answered, caressing the sliver of skin her little cardigan was not covering.

"You enjoy talking like a Brit, don't you?"

I laughed, "Bella, I am British. I was born in Rye, lived there until I was seventeen, then it was Chicago. The accent is there but you have to listen for it."

"I guess that explains a lot. I have to admit it's pretty hot, Carlisle, you being a London bloke and all." She mumbled moving closer to me, well as close as she could while holding her elephant. "They have fun fairs in England?"

I nodded, "My dad used to take us every summer."

"Charlie and Aro used to bring me to these things all the time. Aro would buy me all sorts of junk food only to have Charlie lay down the law about sweets. They never agreed on anything except that they loved me. Bois de Vincennes and me go way back, I even fell in the lake once. Did you have a good time?"

I wondered if the ducky story had anything to do with her falling into the lake. I couldn't see her face but I could hear the uncertainty in her voice. Why did she keep doing that?

"Of course I did, Bella, why would you think otherwise? Thank you for sharing this with me, I haven't been to a fun fair in a while. The flying swings used to be my favorite; I used to pretend I was—"

"Flying." She whispered softly. Briefly I wondered what brought on the hint of sadness, before I continued.

"So, do you have any other plans for today sweetheart or do you want to go back to your place? We could continue where we left off this morning? Or we could ride the fairs wheel…I hear it's a great place to kiss and I'm sure the view is fantastic."

"I don't go on Farris wheels."

"Why?" I breathed in her ear before kissing one of my favorite places on her body. How was it possible that her intoxicating scent was so intense behind her ears?

"I just don't…long story."

"Umm, not in the mood for that, however I am in the mood for you." Her breath hitched and I smiled against her neck as I made my way lower, down to her collar bones and back up to her jaw.

Abandoning the underside of her jaw for her lips I kissed her with all the passion she had ignited in me. Our lips moved together and when I left the tip of tongue swiping my bottom lip I eagerly opened my mouth and caressed her tongue with my own, making love to her mouth the way I planned to make love to her body.

As our tongue twisted and dance together my hand roamed her back, pressing her flush against my body so she could feel me. She made a small sound and ground her hips into mine in reaction of feeling my hard length against her stomach.

If she wasn't carful I was going to have to rip off her shorts and take her right here and now.

Just as my hands met the bare back of her thighs I heard someone clear their throat, loudly, clearly amused.

Bella and I broke apart and I was met with the excited and jovial face of Emmett. He was holding a droopy Nikki in one arm and the baby bag in the other but he managed to mouth the word _NICE _to me. I knew Bella had to be blushing.

"Well, well, what do we have here? If it isn't a little Ducky and Carlisle! I was getting worried there for a second…you need to come up for air ever once in a while _kids_."

"Emmett so _NICE_ to see you again, _NICE _timing by the way," Bella answered sarcastically.

"Well, I do try. Saw your bike out there, told Rosie we'd run into you sooner or later. Hot damn that bike is hot as hell, Ducky. I would ask you how you got Cullen to ride with you but I guess that would pretty pointless." He chuckled and winked at me.

"Emmett I swear, my dad may love hanging with you but _I _can't be responsible for what happens if you keep calling me Ducky."

He braked out a loud laugh, startling Nikki. "Feisty, just what the man needs. Howdy, Carlisle."

"Emmett." Nikki was reaching for me so I gathered her in my arms and bounced her around a bit; I could never resist her or her brother for that matter. "Hello Nikki, sweetheart, having fun, little girl?" She nodded and gave me a sloppy chocolate kiss.

"Yeah she's been like the damn energizer bunny but the kid's ready to drop any moment. You should have seen Jackson though; he's been mister cool all day. He didn't even squeal on the baby ride and has insisted on walking all day."

"Is that right Jackson, you too cool for school, buddy?" He just looked at me and gave me a lopsided grin pointing to his shoes. I smiled; they matched Bella's red ones. The kid really was too cool for his own good.

I looked over at the person I had purposely avoided, Rose. She was livid, I knew she would be but what I did was none of her fucking business.

"Rose." I offered politely.

She said nothing but continued to glare at Bella, who had now captured Nikki's attention. She was smiling, talking to her in her own mixture of English, twin gibberish and those three French words I had taught her.

"Jolie," she giggled and reaching out to touch Bella's face and surprisingly Bella seemed to enjoy the attention. My heart swelled at the thought that perhaps Bella loved children, wanted children.

"What's your name?" Bella asked, keeping her hands to herself.

"Nikki."

"Nikki, tu est très jolie!" Without giving it a second thought Bella took the toys I had won out of her bag and handed the purple monkey to Nikki, cooing at her sweetly. Seeing his sister get a toy broke Jackson's cool exterior and he ran over to Bella's legs, kissing her knees and clamoring at her with his chubby hands in search of his toy. _I know how you feel buddy. _

Faster than I thought possible Rose ripped Jackson away from Bella before she could even touch him much less hand him the bear. Of course Jackson started crying which set Nikki off.

"Rose what the fuck baby, she only going to give him the damn bear she wasn't going to bake him into a pie. I'm sorry Bella."

She waved him off but Bella looked stunned and there was no hiding the tears swimming in her innocent eyes. Suddenly she wasn't the woman that occupied so many of my thoughts but a chastised little girl with big sad eyes, holding a blue elephant in one hand and a small teddy bear in the other. I moved to comfort her but she didn't react the way I had hoped, instead she flinched away.

That stung more than I thought possible.

"I don't fucking care what she was doing, I don't want her around _my_ children. When you have kids you can do whatever you want, but Carlisle just because you choose to fuck your whore student doesn't give you the right to bring her around the family. I thought you had gotten passed fucking trash but I guess French trash is something you haven't had a taste of yet. If I were you I'd be more discreet about where you're seen with _her_."

"Rose—" Emmett warned.

"Shut up Emmett, you too. The fuck is it with you stupid men and this little slut. I find it hard to believe that Charlie could have married a woman like Renee and then be cursed to have a daughter just like her. Alice must be blind."

"Watch your mouth Rosalie! You will not talk to her that way; you have no idea what you're fucking taking about!" I yelled, completely forgetting that Nikki was still in my arms

"Don't you yell at me, Carlisle! Let's remember who put the fucking pieces together after you fucked yourself into the ground. I won't put you back together after she breaks your heart and takes everything from you. And she will, she'll take everything just like Esme."

I staggered back as if she had slapped me. My chest was exploded in pain; an insurmountable amount of pain that I was convinced it would stop my heart. My vision blurred and vanished, plunging me into a familiar darkness. So many years ago I had begged for death, prayed for it but I didn't want it now…I wanted freedom for all this shit. I couldn't speak or move despite the urge to fall to the ground and cave in on myself.

I had been to therapy but I still had triggers and Rose knew them all. Esme had taken everything from me. She left me without explanation or giving me the chance to fix the problem. She abandoned me when I needed her most.

She fucking left me.

Would Bella be like Esme?

"Carlisle? Carlisle!"

I felt warm hands on my face but I couldn't see who it was, or where the lovely voice was coming from. I wanted to reach out and search for her but I was trapped somewhere cold and windy with a chunk of bloodied pavement as my only view.

"What the fuck do you do to him?"

* * *

**A/N: Yikes...*peers through bangs*. Let me know what you guys think.**

**Translations:**

**c'est la vie, n'est pas...that's life, right?**

**Le bleu, oui, du côté droit...The blue one, yes, on the right.**


	11. Ghosts

**A/N: ****Ok, so here we go. Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favs. They make me smile like you would not believe. **

**Laura Marling, Ghosts...give it a listen.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Twilight or its characters. I do own way too many Chinese and Thai takeout menus. I love cooking but sometimes ordering out is so much more fun. No clean up!**

**Carlisle lays out his past with Esme...Enjoy.**

* * *

BPOV

"Don't you yell at me, Carlisle! Let's remember who put the fucking pieces together after you fucked yourself into the ground. I won't put you back together after she breaks your heart and takes everything from you. And she will, she'll take everything just like Esme." Her voiced dripped with malice and venom as she spoke headless to her husband yelling at her to stop or the effect this was having on her twins.

This was how she spoke to family?

Almost as if Rosalie had physically burned Carlisle, he took a couple steps back, Nikki still in his arms wailing at the top of her lungs. His face blanched and eyes glazed over with agony at the sound of one word.

Esme

Who was she and more importantly what had she done to him?

Rose hadn't noticed his tortured reaction and continued screeching about his past but I hardly paid her any attention. Her shrill voice was making Jackson scream and Nikki cry louder. Carlisle loosened his grip on her tiny waist and she squirmed too freely. I feared that she would fall and get hurt. He loved that little girl so much; it would kill him if she were injured. I held out my hands to her and she stopped crying and let me take her from Carlisle's prone state. She snuggled into me, wetting my neck with her tears but before Rose could shank me I handed her to off Emmett and turned my attention back to Carlisle.

Holding his face in my hands I tried to bring him back from where ever it was that he had gone. Some place dark and painful from the looks of it. "Hey, come back, Carlisle. I'm right here, reviennent à moi."

He didn't respond or even acknowledge that I was speaking to him, my only reassurance that he was still alive were the ragged breathes that left his lips. The vacant depth of his eyes scared me, the feel of his skin was all wrong—where only moments ago he had been warm and inviting now he was ice cold. He was in shock and I wondered if I looked this way when Aro passed.

_How had Charlie gotten me out of it? Think Bella!_

"Carlisle? Carlisle!" I ran my fingers through his hair in an effort to comfort him but again I was met with silence. "What the fuck did you do to him?" I demanded.

My glare was harsh, I didn't try to dial it back, she deserved much worse. I arched my brow at her waiting for an explanation but she offered nothing. Her mouth opened and closed like a dying fish while her husband buckled up the twins in their double stroller.

_Worthless Bitch._

"Carlisle baby…" I trailed off not knowing where to look or what to say as tears leaked from his baby blues.

Why couldn't I do something? Why could I bring him back when he was obviously in pain?

"Bella, he's in shock. He'll be fine," Emmett whispered coming to stand right beside me. "Let me take care of this, I'm a professional."

Professional what? I nodded lamely, he was in good hands, this was his family after all.

I knew he was strong but I had no clue how strong he was until he lifted like a rag doll and moved me over next to _her_. I recoiled from the touch of her skin and crossed my arms over my chest. She was vile and hurtful and at the moment, she was the devil as far as I was concerned. Watching Emmett struggle to get Carlisle to respond my heart throbbed at the words she threw at _him_, the ones she threw at me already long forgotten.

"Carlisle…come on; snap out of it, man. We've talked about this, you've been here before but you have to come back." He turned to me and mouthed an apology but before I could question what he was apologizing for his large hand connected with Carlisle face—the smack cracking loud in the air.

Fuck that was going to leave a mark. His pale skin was already welting in the shape of Emmett's hand.

"Emmett, why would you do that? He would have come out of it eventually." The Bitch snapped. My hand twitched to smack the blonde out of her but I relaxed, for Carlisle's sake.

"What the fuck would you have me do Rosalie? Wait for hours...fuck that shit." Emmett said between clenched teeth, never once taking his eyes off his cousin. "Carly, you with us man? Bells can you get him a bottle of water please?"

"Don't call me that and you broke my glasses Emmett." Carlisle muttered looking up at me for a second before looking back at the ground. His expression was unreadable and my stomach dropped. Would he pull away? I fought the urge to cry, nodded and went to get him a bottle of water.

By the time I got back Rosalie was off to the side looking ashamed, pissed and smug all at the same time. Wicked Ice Queen. Emmett was swooshing the stroller back and forth talking to Carlisle but when he saw me he walked over, got the water and went back to Carlisle without saying a thing to me.

Where do I stand? Carlisle hadn't looked at me, and from the stiff set of his shoulders he really didn't want to talk to me and I'd be fucking damned if I went and stood next to the Bitch. Yup that's right; she no longer had a name…her name from here on out (at least in my head) would be BITCH.

"You think you have something here?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, he doesn't love you and he never will. He'll go back to his to life in Chicago and never think about you again. You think you're any different from the others. Let me tell you something _little girl_, he doesn't do relationships, not anymore. And from the looks of you, relationships aren't your style. This little fuck fest you two have going on will end with him hurt and regretting you. Walk away from it now. You're just the student he shouldn't be fucking and it will end badly, that I can promise."

"Save your threats for your husband."

"He will never love you." She sneered at me. I turned just in time to see the wicked smirk on her face. _Bitch Face!_

"I didn't ask him to love me, Rosalie. I could give a fuck what you think, you seem to have had it out for me the second you saw me so, this," I motioned to the space between us, "is a lost cause. You know when we first met I couldn't understand why you hated me so much but now I understand completely—you've know all a long haven't you. You knew it was him in the picture. Do you think being a bitch to me will change his mind? From the look on your face I'm guessing he gave you a piece of his mind, for what you said earlier and what you said last night. He did say something about having a talk—"

"You little bitc—"

"No, I'm talking now. Carlisle is a grown man and if he wants to be with me then he'll be with me and if he wants to fuck me then he will. I think you, of all the people, should be the last person to give me shit for future pain you think I may or may not inflict on him. I would never hurt him, never, where as you just sent him into shock, at fucking fun fair over a damn teddy bear. I don't want your children or your husband, nor do I want to ruin your family, all I want is to be with Carlisle. We were having a wonderful day until you showed up.

"That's how you treat family? I don't know who Esme is or what she did to make him look the way that he looked but you do. You do and I can't see how you could do _that _to someone you love, _Rosalie_."

"Esme is none of your business. He doesn't belong here and in three weeks or so he'll be gone. Enjoy whatever time you have left, _Isabella._"

I opened my mouth to say something but quickly closed it when I realized I had nothing to say. It was true; he would be leaving in a matter of weeks. Would I get even more attached as the days passed? I already wanted him so much, would it get worse?

_You'll be fine, just think about the now, Bella._

The men came over, Emmett pushing the stroller and Carlisle with his hands in his pockets. I offered him a small smile but he didn't return it. It was suggested by someone—more than likely Emmett—that we head out. The children were asleep and before we rode off I gave the bear to Emmett and asked him to give it to Jackson.

"Bella, I jus-"

"Don't, ok. I'm fine or I'll be fine. Carlisle won that for Jackson, it's not from me. Just make sure that Charlie doesn't find out about this, I'd hate for you to lose a buddy because of what she said to me. Slut or not, I'm still his kid."

"I don't think you're a slut, little Swan."

The drive back to Avenue Victor Hugo was nothing like the ride to Bois de Vincennes. I drove slowly because he didn't seem to be in the mood for speed, Viggo was demanded to know the hell I wasn't riding him as fast. Carlisle, I whispered his name into my helmet because there was an expiration date on how much longer I'd be able to say it. Monday morning he'd be Professor Cullen and I'd be the student, unable to call out his name whenever I wanted and in a few weeks he'd… Reality crashed in on me.

His arms were tense, his fingers didn't caress my stomach and there was no erection pressed into me. It made me sad to think that one thoughtless person could throw us off track.

Finally I had taken some control, I had had my way with him and if felt damn good. Waking up beside him was heavenly, never in the years I woke up to Jake had I felt so warm, safe, or adored. I had told him about Jake and Sam and his reaction was nothing like what I expected. Carlisle didn't seem to find me incapable of pleasing him; in fact I could still hear every sound he made while I devoured him. And I'd never forget the way he had reacted to my tattoo, it was bliss personified.

He knew about Aro and Charlie and how they were always bumping heads when it came to me. I had shared things with him and vice a versa, we seemed to be heading in the right direction and now…I felt derailed.

He wouldn't even look at me, barely wanted to touch me more than he had to.

xXXx

"So, you want to have some dinner?" I asked as soon as we stepped inside my apartment. He didn't answer me but went over to the windows.

"Are you hungry?" Crickets. I counted to fifty before speaking again.

"I could cook or we could order out." Still nothing. Now I was just getting pissed, I had done nothing to deserve this frost.

Logically I knew he needed some time to gather his thoughts. He didn't need to speak to me but a reaction would be nice, he could lean on me, cry if he needed to…I reminded myself that perhaps he didn't trust me enough, that it was too soon to ask anything of him.

"Or you could ignore me and I could go get some food. Maybe by the time I come back you'll actually have the balls to look at me. Carlisle, you have to give me something, a nod, a head shake…I'll take a sad smile or anger. Something."

Still as a statue standing stiffly by the windows Carlisle continued giving me silent treatment. "She yelled at you in public, she hurt _you_. I was worried Carlisle…I begged you to come back but you didn't respond. It was like you were gone and it still feels that way. You're acting as if I did something wrong, I didn't do anything. I don't need details or even an explanation, just don't shut me out…please."

He still didn't talk but at least he winced at my words. A fucking reaction, a small one at that but it more than he gave me at the park, "I'll be back…if you're planning on leaving at least wait till I get back."

A nod was all he gave me.

"Fine." I slammed the door and made my way to the elevator, pushing the button too hard.

I cried softly as I waited for the lift. He was already pulling away from me, making the gulf between us wider and wider. It hurt. Did he think it was easy to watch him this afternoon? I had never felt so useless or confused. There he was hurting and I did nothing to help him. I didn't even know who this Esme person was, what she had done to him or what she meant to him. Maybe the reason he wouldn't tell me was because The Bitch was right. He would never love me because he loved this Esme.

Wait, did I say Love?

Did I want to be loved by him?

"Merde," I whispered softly.

I did want to be loved by him, more than anything.

Suddenly I feared the outcomes; if he fell in love with me then I'd love him back and he'd leave, taking my heart with him. And if he didn't love me, I'd still fall in love with him and he'd leave, taking my heart with him.

Either way, I lost.

Either way I was powerless.

Would he really wait until I got back or would he slip out before I could watch him leave?

The thought of coming home to an empty flat was nearly heartbreaking. Ridiculous as it was, as soon as it was, I realized that I didn't want him to leave my place, my life, or me.

Fuck.

"I'm being a selfish prick, aren't I? I get you yelled at, then worry you and then, like a dick I ignore you and make you cry. Forgive me, love, please." He spoke into my hair, gently wiping my tears, "Come on, let's go back inside and we'll order something. I don't want you going out like this."

He turned me around, pulling me to his warm chest. I wondered if he knew how safe that made me feel, when he just held me against him, into his rich scent and overwhelming warmth. He had no clue just how attached I was getting. "Food first and then I'll explain."

"Explain," I whispered, toying with the words.

_Why couldn't we just be, why did something always need explaining? _

xXXx

I watched silently while he rummaged through the takeaway drawer by the phone. It was entertaining to watch him pull his full lip between his teeth at the daunting task of separating the mountain of menus Alice and I had stored there. We weren't in the mood for Italian, or Greek, or Indian, or Thai (that would have to be picked up anyway because I was out of delivery range for the good Thai place) so we decided on Chinese. But then we had to make a choice between L'asiatik, La Belle Chine and Délice de L'Indochine. La Belle Chine was closer and would be here faster but the food was better at L'asiatik and Délice de L'Indochine was not a favorite of ours—the deliveryman was seedy. It really was a no brainer. One extremely fluent conversation with Vienne Vi at L'asiatik and the food was ordered.

I had been listening to his honey voice from the sofa, letting it warm me while I eyes drifted shut. Carlisle possessed a voice unlike any other man, sensual and deep yet comforting and rich—maybe I could get him to read to me. I could listen to anything, as long as he used that tone that set me on fire. He surprised me when I felt him pick me up only to place me on his lap. He had to know that this was quickly becoming my favorite place to sit. Together we watched the sun fall from the sky through the windows, his hands resting innocently on my thighs, lips against my hair.

"This is nice Isabella."

I nodded.

It really was nice.

I must have dosed off because the next thing I knew I heard Lou, the deliveryman, taking to Carlisle shocked at finding a man here instead of Alice. I don't know which was more depressing; that I knew the delivery man by name or that Lou only ever expected Alice. I'm sure he thought we were lovers.

"Bella?" I felt his lips graze mine before I opened my eyes. "The food's here, sweet girl, time to get up."

"Ok," I got up and followed Carlisle to the other room. "What were you and Lou chatting about?"

He smirked and continued laying out the food on the counter while I got out the plates. "You know his name? He asked for Alice, then he asked if I was your boyfriend…then he asked if I was yours and Alice's playing thing. Apparently he has been under the impression that you and your pixie friend are much more that just friends. He seemed to find the idea quite _distracting_."

"Men," I huffed, sitting down. "Why is it that girl on girl gets you guys hard? Guy and guy action does nothing for me."

"That's because women's bodies have so much more to offer, Isabella," He explained softly, tracing the curve of my waist. "You're all sensuous curves, soft skin and supple dips but I prefer to keep you to myself. I don't like sharing."

I smiled and took his hand. We ate like that, silently with our hands joined and resting on the counter. As it turns out I wasn't that hungry, well perhaps I was but my stomach was in knots. I pushed around food with my chop sticks, picked at my Poulet Caramel. Carlisle on the other hand ate with graceful vigor, his long skillful fingers grasped the foreign utensils like a pro reminding me of just how skillful he really was. I watched him lick duck sauce off his bottom lip and quivered at the sight of his tongue. I wanted lick his lips for him, suck his bottom lip into my mouth and bit it gently.

_Fuck, who knew watching someone eat Canard piquant au Saté could be so erotic. I would never look at it the same way again!_

By the time he finished I was practically panting for him, my panties were beyond ruined and my face felt flushed and hot. He knew it; he recognized the state I was in but only rubbed my hand in return, almost telling me to calm myself with that one gesture. Of course he wouldn't be in the mood for ravishing.

I pouted and played with my noodles.

"When you pout like that it's virtually impossible to keep my hands off you and as fantastic as touching you is you've barely touch your food. Bella, sweetheart I'm going to start worrying about your nutrition. Eat so we can talk."

The word _talk_ dashed whatever ideas I was having about him, his hands and my lips like cold water on a , we needed to talk about Esme, whoever she is.

_Oh yeah that is the perfect incentive, Carlisle! _

I ate a little but it sat like a rock in the pit of my stomach. He cleaned up after the containers, clicking his tongue at me and the food I hadn't touched before storing everything in the refrigerator. In complete silence and concentration Carlisle washed and dried the plates, whipped down all the counters, twice and when he made his third pass to clean the already spotless surface I had to stop him.

"Carlisle, you're making me nervous. If you clean the counters any more you'll wear them down."

"I don't know where to start…I've never told anyone about this. I know I owe you an explanation—another one—and I will give it you. I just …"

He came to sit down beside me but when he didn't start talking I got up and grabbed two beers. Nothing loosens lips like a good drink.

"Merci..." He told me taking the England's Gold from my fingers.

After a gulp he smiled timidly and answered the question I hadn't asked him. "Esme and I met two days after my dad and I moved to Chicago. She was my neighbor and she quickly became my best friend, she replaced Lizzy...my sister. Esme got me through my parent's divorce; she was there for me whenever I needed her even if I was being a git teenager. I loved her. We started dating and we got serious real fast—when you're young, you don't think about things moving too quickly, you're impulsive. _I _was impulsive with her. We graduated and went to Northwestern together; college life was like a dream. After our second year we got an apartment together, our lives changed one afternoon.

"I came back from class and found Esme frozen on the couch with a huge smile on her face. That was the day we found out we were pregnant."

His voice broke on the last word, taking another gulp he continued. "She was nineteen and I was twenty…we were scared out of our minds but thrilled none the less. My father was less than thrilled, as a former pastor the last thing he would condone was a child being born out of wedlock but he never judged me, Esme or our child. We got married in the courthouse; we had been planning to get married prior to the baby so it made no difference to us if it was sooner rather than later."

He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he relived the memory of their early days of marriage. I felt oddly left out as he spoke of his first, and I suspected his only love. I was out of my depth.

"Esme worried about money but _we _had nothing to worry about—all three of us were set for life thanks to my mother and her people. We continued going to school as she grew. It was magical to watch her care for our child, to see her belly grow with the proof of what we had together, the love we felt…I can't explain to you how wonderful that experience was. The pregnancy went by quickly or at least it seemed that way; both Esme and the baby were healthy and happy. I had everything I could possibly want and naively I believed that our lives were perfect.

"School had just let out and again I came home to Esme frozen on the couch only this time she looked surprised and scared. Her water broke only moments before I came in. Getting to the hospital was a blur; I remember her pain, her anger and curses and then her clam expression once she got the drugs. Before I knew it I was being handed a beautiful baby boy.

"Esme named him Edward; she said it was a strong and beautiful name. It suited him and for two days Edward Anthony Masen Cullen was the center on my world."

_Was?_ Oh no, on…he lost his son. I knew it before he said a word, now the longing in his eyes while he spoke about the twins made sense. I reached for his trembling hand, hoping that mine would give him strength and comfort. "Oh, Carlisle."

"For whatever reason, our baby died. I was shattered and Esme was much worse than I was. We went home and our life was so morbid all of a sudden. The appartment was set up for our baby, the toys and clothes and his nursery…all that was missing was our baby. Everything was a reminder that he wasn't there with us. After we buried him it became so much more real. I clung to her, Esme, she had been my rock when I first meet her and I expected to find strength in her and for her to find it in me but she wasn't the same. Her green eyes had no life, she didn't cry or talk, it was like she died along with Edward. I couldn't reach her…I tired but I couldn't reach her.

"My love for her didn't change in the face of our grief…I gave her time, understood that this loss was completely different for her than it was for me. She had felt him, natured him, shared her body with him, she gave him life. I had faith that she would come back to me, we'd be able to heal after some time. My father tried to comfort me, telling me that Esme would be okay but there was only…so much… he could do."

The look on Carlisle's face was enough to bring even to the coldest person to their knees. Tears ran down his handsome face for the second time today, his lips quivered—never had I seen a man look so profoundly injured. With a shaky hand he drained the last of his ale and continued to cry softy.

"She left me. One night I woke up and the bed was empty—no note, no explanation. I was so worried about her. When…I needed her…she left _me_, Bella."

"Carlisle," I grabbed him as tenderly as I could, lifting his head so his gaze meet mine. His blue eyes were bleary and tight, inadequate words danced on my tongue but I didn't say them instead I stroked his cheek and hoped he knew that I felt his pain and wanted t make it go away.

"She killed herself, jumped off our building. I still don't understand how she could have done that to us. I was in pain too. I was heartbroken too. I lost the same person she lost…and losing her…it made everything else so much worse. I couldn't save her."

"I know, Carlisle. It wasn't your fault."

"I loved her, Isabella, and she left." He broke eye contact with me. I knew what he was saying, if _she_ had walked away what would keep me from doing the same.

I wanted to tell him I'd never leave; that I'd be there when he needed me but it was too soon—wasn't it too soon to promise a thing like that?—and he'd be the one to leave in the end. I had no power over that.

"Carlisle, I'm here for as long as we have, I'm here." I told him, kissing his cheek softly. "Bed?"

It was still relatively early but the day had been emotionally taxing. Sleep seemed like a good idea. He nodded his head, but the tears had yet to stop.

Once we made it the bedroom I carefully removed his clothes and shoes, leaving him in his briefs. Gently I helped him climb in my bed and wrapped the sheet around his shoulders. Stripping my clothes off I slipped into the bed as well. The moment my body touched the sheets his was on mine, thoughts of sex far from both our minds.

He sought comfort, I could feel it in the way he wrapped his strong arms around my waist and the way he laid his face against my chest while he continued to cry silently. My fingers found their place in his flaxen hair, rubbing what I hoped were soothing circles on his scalp. I kissed the top of his head when I felt his body tremor and held him tighter to me.

"I'm…sorry…Bella." His grip tightened and more tears wet my skin.

I cried for him,with him. My heart ached with the magnitude of his loss, his pain. He should have never had to endure the loss of his son but then on top of what fate had already thrown at him, his wife…his partner, Esme left him to fend for himself, left him alone and in mourning for the two people he loved most.

In light of his past his nosedive into Gothic Literature and Baudelaire obsession made perfect sense. The world had him stolen from him; he had seen the harsh face of fate and reacted in kind.

He calmed down after a while and the tears dried. I continued stroking his waving hair, relishing in its silky texture beneath my fingers. The warm weight of his body on mine and the steady slumbering rhythm of his heart lent me comfort while my mind finally succumbed to the truth behind his cousin's words. She had forced reality on me this afternoon.

What Carlisle and I had was not going to be accepted. It was ethically in the wrong. Not to mention the legal ramifications of what we were doing. It has to be kept a secret, from my father, the school, from my company. Fuck, it even had to be kept hidden from all of Paris. Most painful of all, whatever it was that we had, it would most certainly end. I let out a soft sob as I came to a realization that should have meant the world to me. I had never experienced anything like this. Ever.

_But he can't stay Bella._

I know but…

_He can't stay, live in the now. Now is all you have._

I know but I want more.

_He has a life in Chicago and it doesn't include you. He'll have to get back to that life Bella. All you have is now!_

Instinctively I held him closer to me not wanting to let go yet, all the while knowing that every moment from now to then would be counted. Each time I held him or he held me I'd ask myself if it was the last, every kiss, every embrace and every burst of ecstasy would be bittersweet because I'd be counting them. Deep in my heart I would feel pain with Carlisle; I was resigned to feel it. I couldn't walk away even if I want to—there was nothing I could do.

_How could you be stupid enough to start falling in love with him Bella? __He dosen't belong to you!_

"Oui, Je sais mais, on n'aime que ce qu'on ne possède pas tout entier."

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts?**** Make my day and review...I promise to give you a naughty Carlisle in the next update. Cross my heart! Review.**

**Translations:**

**reviennent à moi...comeback to me.**

**Oui, Je sais mais, *on n'aime que ce qu'on ne possède pas tout entier...Yes, I know but, *****We love only what we do not wholly possess.(Marcel Proust La Prisonnière (The Captive))**

**XX**

**Autumn**


	12. Kashmir

**A/N: Oh My! You guys are the best! Thank you for the reviews, thank you for adding my story to you favorites and alerts. You guys rock my very colorful socks!**

**You guys know the drill, I own nothing.  
**

**Enjoy Carlisle point of view.**

* * *

CPOV

_I was going to be a father. She was making me a daddy._

_I couldn't get enough of her. Morning, noon, and night my thoughts were consumed with every detail, her gently sloping belly, that glow that seem to beam from within, even the adorable way she kept sniffing me. Every day she was changing and I needed to know…everything. Was she eating enough? Did her back hurt? Would she want me to hold her hair, gently rub her back or a combination of both while she was sick? Was she craving anything?_

_It was more than my anxious curiosity, these answers were crucial to my peace of mind. _

_She didn't know but I would wake up an hour earlier than the alarm to watch my sleeping beauty, she would be uncomfortable if she knew but I could hardly bring myself to care and this morning was no different. The light was starting to peek into through the curtains, bathing our room and her skin with its warm glow. _

_If it was possible, she looked even more beautiful this morning._

_I smiled down at her, my body already reacting to the warmth beside me, the heat that awaited me. Nudging her tank top aside, I pressed my lips to her stomach, chuckling when it grumbled. What would she want to eat…should I get up and make her something? I debated leaving the bed but when she moaned softly, I made my decision. _

_Stay in bed, treat her to a morning orgasm, and then feed her! _

_Sounded good to me._

"_Carlisle…" I looked up to find her watching me, her hair a mess of tangled waves. Never had she looked more beautiful. _

"_Morning, Love." I told her before kissing the baby belly good morning as well. _

"_Morning…saying hi to the baby?" I nodded, feeling the baby nudge me a soft Hello. "Humm, baby likes when you kiss her. Now what was it you were saying about treating me to an orgasm before feeding me?" A wicked little smirk danced on her lips as she did away with the tank all together. "I say you better get to work Mr. Cullen."_

"_You're going to get it now." I taunted, cupping her breasts, now fully on display._

"_I certainly hope so." _

"_Such a naughty little girl," I told her hooking my fingers in her panties slowly pulling them down her legs. Wagging my eyebrows as I tossed them aside and licked my lips the way I knew made her wet. _

"_Should I spank you Isabella?"_

My eyes snapped open and much like my dream I was laying on Bella's stomach, my lips against her soft skin. I remembered falling asleep on a shirtless Bella but now a black tank was pushed up to just below her breasts no doubt by my hands.

She looked identical to the beauty in my dream, same tangled hair, soft peaceful expression and puffy pout. I looked down to where my head had been resting. _Well not everything was the same_. There was no bump, no slope not even a hint of one—not that there should be, but still it made me a bit sad.

Careful not to wake her I got up and went to her bathroom, chuckling a bit at the black walls and tile. This girl was a bit odd, but I liked her that way. After taking care of my bladder I splashed cold water on my face and took stalk of last night's damage. My glasses were twisted and now completely useless, I'd have to replace them or suffer contacts—fuck Emmet! My eyes were bloodshot and irritated, across my check there was a hint of bruising— again fuck Emmett and his strength—and I was in need of a good shave, three days ago. But despite looking like shit, and the weight of yesterday, this morning my heart was lighter. While I had not planned on being forced to tell her those things because of one of my Post-traumatic stress panic attacks, the result was magical.

Once again, she understood, wanted to comfort me, wanted to relive my pain. I saw it in the way she looked at me and the way she held me as I cried, always caressing, never demanding answers. I smiled recalling the way she questioned my having balls enough to look at her…she sure as hell didn't shy away from telling me what was on her mind.

From the doorway I simply watched her sleeping like an angel. Had I really been dreaming of waking to a pregnant Bella? Was that something I wanted...with her?

_Kinda of soon to be pondering that shit don't you think Carlisle?_

I shook my head, grateful for the fact that she was fast asleep and could not witness my madness. No, it was absurd, unthinkable and impossible. My subconscious was simply reacting to the conversation about Esme and Edward—although seeing her with the twins did odd things to me.

She moaned softly and licked her lips like she was dreaming of something delicious.

"Muuumm, asspants…Carlisle foire glace…muummm…"

What could she possibly be dreaming about, our afternoon together and ice cream? Did she want ice cream? Poor girl, she really didn't eat much last night. Briefly, I considered making her breakfast before recalling that I hadn't cooked in ages and waking to a burning kitchen would not be pleasant for her.

She moaned _asspants _again splaying her hand on her pelvis and I just watched almost positive now that she was having an erotic dream.

_Dear God. An erotic dream featuring me!_

Her whole body flushed a beautiful shade of pink and her nipples tighten under her paper-thin top begging for my attention. Her hips writhed and I knew she had to be hot and ready for me but I stayed put enjoying the show as her hand trailed lower.

_Lower sweetheart, under the sheets…Maybe I should replace her hand with mine and treat her to a morning orgasm, then feed her._

"Ummm, Carlisle! You taste…sooo good."

The sleep talking was endearing and arousing. "God, Isabella what are you doing to me in that pretty head of yours?"

I glanced at the clock, shocked at the blinking numbers. Four thirty in the morning. I was just about to question why I was awake and well rested at this ungodly hour when I recalled how early we went to bed the night before.

Thirty minutes of her teasing me and I was ready to wake her in a very pleasurable way, but the sight...the sight of her hands ghosting over her body was thrilling. The same iPod alarm started singing loudly at exactly five and magically, her eyes snapped open. Her hand searched for me and when she came up empty, she sank deeper into the warm covers, curling protectively into herself with a sad pout.

She looked completely disappointed waking without my body smothering her. She liked waking to me. My heart pounded harder in my chest.

_Umm, that's odd._

I cleared my throat and smiled, loving the way her face brightened when she realized I was standing a few feet away. "Why are you way over there? Have you been up long? Are you…umm…alright?"

My lust simmered down at her words. She cared.

"Not very long, I was just enjoying the view for a moment, you're so beautiful. And yes, I'm alright…actually I'm better than alright thanks to you Isabella. I can't thank you enough for your compassion or for taking care of me last night. But I am confused as to why you have an alarm set at five on a Sunday? What are we listening to?"

She blushed, whispering that she liked taking care of me and that I didn't need to thank her. "The Black Keys…its Sunday, merde!"

I nodded; amused at the tangle of limbs and sheets as she tried to get out of bed. She seemed to be in a rush to get dressed but was having issues finding her clothes—clothes that were unnecessary, she was overdressed as it was. Last night I hadn't noticed just how tiny her panties were but I was very aware of it now; red eyelet with flirty frill running from her hips to the apple of her sweet ass and black bows on either side of her hips.

They looked sweet and sinful but they'd look much better on the floor or in my pocket.

Like a tornado, she rushed to the closet and yanked on some jeans before walking out of the room practically sprinting to the kitchen, tripping twice before she got there. I followed her, a touch put out that she had yet to kiss me. I needed those lips.

"Have I missed something Isabella, you going somewhere? I was thinking we could lose the clothes and get back in bed."

Quickly tying her converses, she walked over to where I stood, hard and wanting her, and gave me a kiss. Her lips took mine hungrily, one hand threading into my hair as the other reach around to pull me close to her body, squeezing my ass. My hands mirrored hers, relishing in her sweet tongue playing in my mouth.

I was going to take her here, in the damn kitchen. I had never had sex in a kitchen but now her marble island looked ideal, cold but that could be remedied. She pulled away from me as if sensing my wicked thoughts. I pouted like a child and she just cupped my cheek and winked.

"Umm, you taste so good Carlisle. Make yourself at home, snoop around if you want but don't look at those paintings over by that far wall. I brought my iPod over here; feel free to put on anything you want. I'll be right back…don't eat anything. I was going to make you breakfast but I forgot that I needed to go shopping. So, I'll just be a couple of minutes, ten tops. "

Grabbing her jacket she headed for the door but stopped and kissed me passionately, pressing me into the counter and grinding her hips into me. It seemed my girl was a bit worked up this morning. Just as I had her wrapped in my arms she pulled away, kissing my lips once more while her finger danced along my chest and down my treasure trail. "Umm, don't get dressed. Do you like coffee?" I nodded, trying to calm my breath and raging erection.

"I'll be back…Ugh; I have to leave now, before I go down on you."

Blood rushed to my groin making it impossible to think of anything but her hot mouth. "I wouldn't complain, Isabella."

"Later…I promise."

With that she was gone and found myself in her flat, alone for the second time only this time I knew she'd come back. After willing my erection to calm down a bit I decided to look at her art space, eager to see more.

Scores of canvases leaned against wall and stalked against each other like so many friends chatting in huddles. In every one her talent was evident, it poured out in moody colors and expressive inks. I highly doubted I ever be granted the pleasure of watching her create(from what Demetri told me Isabella was a touch temperamental) but at least I now owned one of her creations. I wondered when I would get the painting I purchased…and if she knew or how she would react. As badly as I ached to see the paintings on the far wall, they stayed a mystery.

_Maybe you can get her to show them to you, Carlisle._

Off the kitchen, there was a door, opening it I stepped inside and felt like I had walked into my father's study back in Rye—it was like a taste of my childhood home.

The room was painted London blue and much like her entire apartment was accented with antique brass tables and built in bookcase and soft leather chairs and a rich curry colored sofa. The room looked like it was furnished for comfort, perfect for long evenings of reading or movie watching with someone warm and caring. I could easily see myself with her curled up watching movies or simply enjoying each other's company. My mind leaped at the thought, already making plans. Not wanting to get too carried away, I closed the door softly and went to set at the breakfast bar to wait.

It was becoming clear to me that perhaps my first assessment of her place was off by a wide margin. It wasn't small but rather quite large in a secretive and seductive way, revealing little by little what she had to offer. I hoped I get to see it all.

_Are you talking about Bella or her apartment? _I couldn't answer that, I didn't know which, both?

Needing a distraction I grabbed her iPod. Her iPod was telling. She had a slew of British rock, punk bands I grew up on, a number of bands I didn't recognize but she also had a large amount of classical, jazz, blues and many of my French favorites. Music she wasn't alive to appreciate yet alone know of riddled the sleek cache of songs, her taste was eclectic and diverse and for some reason it made me smile to know that we had music in common.

Many songs later, I was singing along loudly with Robert Plant like I used to do as a teenager—only then I would stand and jam out on my bed and now I was in _her_ kitchen. He had been my idol and Lizzy teased me about growing out my hair and walking around in tight jeans and open printed shirts.

"You put a sweater on."

I turned around to see Bella holding a brown bag in one hand and two coffees in the other looking rather flushed. With shaky hands, the bag and coffee were deposited on the counter, while Bella took a couple deep breaths.

A wicked smirk danced on my lips as soon as I smelled the air; coffee, pastries and my sweet girl. I was going to put all her convenient counter space to work very soon.

"Boulangerie Bechu makes the best Pain au chocolat orange in Paris and we are going to eat these while they're warm. I'm starving, so move your sexy ass Cullen." I smiled at the use of my surname, still unbelieving that she got up early to get me warm pastries and coffee. I was almost sorry that we wouldn't be eating them warm. _Almost._

I had plans and they had nothing to do with eating, well eating breakfast. My cock wept at the thought of tasting her again, pulsing on my tongue sweet and hot. God if I didn't stop this I'd be finished before we started. She noticed me straining against my cotton confines but then again it was hard not to notice, cotton doesn't hide much.

"_Afte_r we're done that sweater is coming off, along with those sexy ass briefs, understood? _After_."

"_After,_ huh? We'll see." Her blushed deepened and breath faltered as she took my meaning. I couldn't resist teasing her a bit, "You alright, love? You look a bit…flushed."

I gave her my best innocent face but she saw right through it.

"Cocky ass, you know exactly why I'm flushed! First the dream, then I have to leave you looking like a damn Emporio Armani ad in my kitchen and then I come back and you're singing Led Zeppelin! Robert Fucking Plant! How much do you think I can take?"

Gripping her hips, I pulled them roughly to mine and leaned in to lick my favorite spot. "What do think those tiny little red excuse for underwear you were wearing this morning did to me? Fair is fair little girl and you are not the only one who had an interesting dream, although yours did sound a whole hell of a lot more pleasurable than mine. "

Her skin burned but even in embracement, her body pressed desperately against mine, her erratic breaths playing against my neck.

"Tell me Isabella was it the ice cream or my cock that tasted so good?" I didn't let her answer before my lips pressed against her, forcefully, licking her perfect cupid's bow. I groaned at the taste of her, Bella and strong coffee, the perfect combination of sweet and richness.

Pulling away from her mouth and body, I put some distance between us. She shivered and I smirked at her, taunting her to close the space—she didn't, she waited. I admired the way she reacted to my feral gaze.

She was just as needy as I was, just as worked up…perhaps more.

"Take off your clothes but leave the panties Isabella and be quick. No games." She looked stunned, trapped in her thoughts. Leaning down so our face were inches apart I spanked her ass hard enough to sting but not harm—I would never hurt her.

"Now," I told her evenly.

This time she didn't hesitated and soon she was standing in her kitchen wearing only those deceiving underwear, biting her plump lip.

"So obedient, such a good girl." I told her, noting the way she seemed to like my praise. _Humm, interesting…_

Without taking my eyes of her beautiful ones, I undressed and leaned against the island. The lust in the air spiked to a new level, her nipples tightened further and I swear the scent of her arousal grew stronger. I quirked a questioning brow at her; was it the music, my naked body, or both.

The song had changed but it was still Plant's voice singing, singing one of my favorites. I couldn't help mouthing the words as I swiveled my hips suggestively at her.

"_Talk an' song from tongues of lilting grace …Whose sounds caress my ear…Whoa-ohh-oh  
Whoa-ohhh-oh-oh"_

Her lip disappeared into her beautiful mouth as she made the most alluring sound.

Fuck.

Thoughts of breakfast forgotten I rushed towards her and hoisted her on to the counter. My hands ghosted over the sweet ruffles at her hips before reaching inside to cup her sex, both of us hissing at the sensations. Her breath caught in as my fingers gently parted her plump folds, teasing her entrance. Breathless and needy she whispered my name in a silent plea.

"What? What do you want?"

"You…" She trailed off when I took her earlobe into my mouth and pressed my thumb to her clit.

"Me? I know that, but _how_ do you want me? Tell me."

"Oh God, I want you, your fingers first then your cock. Please Carli—"

_Such a good girl_

Without warning, I thrust two fingers inside her, pumping them slowly but with purpose to the rhythm of the song, never relenting the pressure on her clit. She was dripping, clenching frantically at my fingers already on the brink. Gently I grabbed her hand and placed it on my cock, guiding her in a stroke or two. Her body was so worked up that holding me in her hand was enough. She was coming within seconds, the force of her release shaking her small frame against the cabinets.

"Oh God, Carlisle…oh God, Carlisle...oh God, Carlisle…"

"I love hearing my name on your lips." I murmured against her lips.

Lifting her up I took her to the island laying her down before discarding her underwear and sinking into heaven with one measured stoke. _Such perfection!_ It only took a second to realize that I was tightly nestled within her, flesh to flesh, no barrier. With haste and regret I pulled out, ashamed that I had put her at risk for even the smallest of moments.

I had only been with Esme this way and that didn't exactly turn out like I had planned.

Her youth, could I steal that from her, she was too young to lose everything. Isabella was too young to be with me this way; the risk was too high for both of us. But even with all that the selfish man inside of me wanted it, ached to feel her this way.

"Bella I can't be with you… not like this."

"Carlisle, birth control. I'm safe…please. I need you...now!" She explain, her deep doe eyes pleading.

She was safe, we could be together this way without risk…she wanted this. It was all I needed to hear. I slammed into her hard making her come again with a strangled cry. I rested my head on her shoulder while she pulsed around me, thrusting long deep strokes, not bothering to give her recovery time. There wasn't enough of my resolve left for that, not with the overpowering heat of her core wrapped around me. Not with silken velvet walls gripping my length.

My hands roamed over her hot sweat slicked thighs, gripping them as I pushed myself as deep as possible. I smiled as I felt her walls fluttering yet again.

_So responsive._

I watched the angel beneath me, loving the way her skin glistened, how her cheeks flushed hotly. She was ravishing, a trembling beauty, and it was all for me.

"You're so beautiful, my sweet girl. I love watching you like this." I told her, thrusting hard and holding myself deep. Christ, I never wanted to leave, I needed to go deeper. "Fuck, you're always so ready..so wet and hot."

"Seulement pour vous, Carlisle. Seulement… pour vous."

Her eyes squeezed shut when I started rocking against her. "Isabella, open your eyes and watch me, watch us."

Her eyes opened and fixed on where we were joined only to glaze over as I nudged deeper and deeper. "Do you feel that baby…how deep I am? Fuck…you feel like heaven, sweet girl."

She groaned as I proved my point, deeply enjoying the feeling of her nails digging into my shoulders roughly. "Come with me Bella, come for me…please."

As if my words were all she needed she cried out my name, coming hard dragging me along with her over the edge as I spilled myself into her. I tried to keep my weight off her but the force of my climax wreaked my body rendering me useless and utterly satisfied as I rested on top of her.

Everything was much more intense with her.

"Umm, Bella, that was incredible." She hummed in agreement, threading her finger through my hair. The song had long since changed but I chuckled recalling her reaction to my Robert Plant impression. "It would seem you have a little thing for Robert Plant."

"That song turns me on so much! But …_you_ sans pants and Robert Plant…Mon Deiu…dangerous combination! It was just too much, Carlisle. Damn you sexy Brits!"

Laughing at her blunt confession I kissed her neck, collar bones, anything I could reach. "Breakfast?"

"Il est trop tard…" Bella breathed against me.

Kissing her mouth softly helped her off the island handing her my sweater before pulling on my underwear. "For Breakfast? Love, it's never too late for breakfast but I'm afraid I'll have leave afterwards. I need to go home for some clean clothes and a shave."

"Don't shave." She whispered softly, fiddling with the sleeve of my sweater.

"You like this bedraggled look don't you? Alright I won't shave the second I get home…but I can't promise you'll see this hair after Monday."

I chuckled at her but stopped catching the expression on her face. She looked heartbroken, forlorn—what had I done? The look was gone before I could question it, replace with a sweet smile as she went to work on warming up the coffee and pastries.

Did she not want me to go? Did you want me to leave sooner?

I could spend the whole day with her, lord knows I wanted to but if that was what she wanted what would stop her from telling me? Maybe she needed a break from the emotional weight I kept dumping on her. Women did like to think about things on their own time and I had certainly given her loads to think about.

I threw out the notion of my going home after breakfast once again simply to gage her reaction. She winced. _What did that mean?_

"Ok…if you want to. I have some things to do today anyway so it's probably better if you get going." Her smile was still bright but her eyes looked sad.

"Bella, are you alright?"

She nodded and changed the subject to a tradition that her and Alice had including ice cream and movies. Other than a few words here and there, we ate in silence, sipping coffee and nibbling. I noted that she really didn't eat but crumbled the delicate pastry on her plate to bits. I finished my food barely tasting it and took the plate to the sink and when I came back, only her coffee was finished.

Was I putting her off her food? Every time I was around she didn't seem up to the task of eating, of course at the fair she had eaten but we hadn't eaten anything all day. I frowned at the pattern. Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her temple and I thought about how to phrase what I needed to say.

"Bella, are you not hungry?" She didn't answer. "I don't want to make any assumptions but…last night you didn't eat much either and before we got sidetracked you said you were starving. Is something wrong?"

"_Sidetracked?_ No, nothing is wrong. I'm fine."

"You're lying to me Isabella. Tell me what's wrong."

She opened her mouth to speak but the sound of her phone ringing interrupted. I urged her to continue but once again she was interrupted by the fucking phone before it went the machine a gruff voice breaking the silence between us.

_Ducky, its Charlie…I guess you're not home…listen we need to talk about some stuff and this time you're going to tell me everything. Call me when you get in, it's important. I love you kid._

Ahh, so that was her father. I watched her like a hawk; she seemed concerned about the prospects of this talk with her father.

"I promise Carlisle it's nothing serious. I just have a lot of things on my mind. I'll eat with Alice later."

She was quite convincing but I knew better, after all I had been the one to put those things on her mind. Was she having seconds thoughts, was this worth all the risks to her, knowing the extent of my past? Was_ I_ worth it?

She assured me once more, this time with her lips. Well, at least Alice would make her eat. "Ok, sweet girl but you can talk to me." I kissed her lips softly. "Give me your phone."

She looked at me skeptically for a while before handing me her phone with a sigh. I fiddled with it for a moment and handed it back to her. "What did you do?"

"Now, you have my number, use it please. I'll call you tonight."

After I left Bella's I made my way to my rented flat, and immediately felt its sterile atmosphere greet me with utter indifference. I missed the warmth I had found on Avenue Victor Hugo. By two in the afternoon, I had already finished grading the papers and revising my lesson plan for the week so I decided to head over to Jasper's place for some male bonding.

Just as I was about to knock on his door I heard familiar giggling from the stairs to my right. "Hello Alice."

"Hey Carly, what happened to your sexy glasses…causality of super hot sex with my bestie?" I groaned and she laughed manically. "We talk about everything and I already have the scandaleux details from the first time mister magic fingers!"

I felt my face flush, Jesus Christ what else had Bella told her? "Oh God, Alice please, do not call me Carly and please don't call me mister magic fingers. Ever."

"Carly, silly sexy man, Bella called you that. I've been calling you Golden Sex God since I saw you at the bar ogling my girl like she was the last chocolate truffle in Paris."

Mister Magic Fingers? Golden Sex God? All of these were superb to my male ego but what nickname would our antics in the kitchen get me? I groaned, soon she would know about the kitchen…and the singing.

_Bella Chocolate truffle sounds good right about now._

"Carly." She said in her sing song voice, waving her hand to get my attention.

"Sorry 'bout that man. Emmett let it slip and she's taken a likin' to it." Jasper came out on to the landing look apologetic but highly amused.

"I like Emm; he's like an overstuffed teddy bear, such a softy that Emmy is. Ok boys, I'm off to hang with Bells, shop and talk about her yummy weekend with Carly. Give me kiss Jazzy."

It seemed Alice was quite fond of nicknames. When they finished sucking face, I asked her to consider telling Bella about her and Jasper but she refused for whatever reason.

"I stand by what I said in the beginning, this is a bad idea and the longer you wait the more pissed she'll be but she's you friend and I trust you. And if you won't tell her about the two of you then can you please make sure she eats today."

"Wearing her out…Carly she's skinny enough! You have to take breaks between the sexing to feed her."

"Darlin'! That's my cousin you're talkin about…just plain disturbin." She shrugged him off and winked at me.

"Alice, please. The weekend hasn't been all rainbows and sex as I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. She didn't really eat this morning…or last night."

Jasper looked at her intently, communicating something silently. When had they acquired the use of telepathy? Realization sparked in her eyes as she nodded solemnly, "This has nothing to do with Rose or his past, this is all Bella. She gets like this sometimes when she thinks too much, she cooks, bakes, makes fucking ice cream, but she doesn't eat. I'll do what I can do Carlisle."

Kissing Jasper once more, she said good-bye to me and walked to her car with a little less pep in her high heeled step.

Jasper questioned me but I waved him off, telling him it would be better to talk after a beer but when I grabbed the doorknob Jasper ushered me up stairs to Alice's place.

xXXx

Alice's apartment was everything you'd expect it to be, bright and stylish and sassy. It looked like her and because she was so close to Bella, I found myself wanting to get to know the fairy better. Wonder if Jazz could help with that? I really had no clue what she did for a living, if she was still in school or if she was only taking that nude figure drawing class with Bella for the hell of it but the sewing machine and stacks of fabric near the window gave me a good hint.

Bringing a couple of beers to the living room Jasper turned the TV on and started surfing before settling on a Futbol game. Yes, like men we watched sports and drank beer. There might have been some scratching involved as well, but the women were gone.

We talked about the weekend's events (minus the explicit details) and by the time, Liverpool was up two nil at the half he was swearing at the extent of his sister's callous stupidity. I couldn't talk about her, I was still angry at the way she treated Isabella and despite how much Jasper cursed her I'm sure the things I had to say would not be welcomed. She was his sister.

"So you told her bout Esme and the baby?" I nodded, pealing the label off the bottle. He drained his beer and disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with two more. There was a low ping and Jasper check his phone casually before looking back up at me, "How'd that go?"

"Believe it or not, amazing…she's...Jazz, I don't know what's happening here. I've never felt the urge to tell someone everything before. I never talk about this, I didn't _have_ to tell her—she didn't ask for answers only that I didn't shut her out. I wanted to tell her, I wanted her to understand me. I told her everything and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, Bella is amazing. She held me, took care of me…I didn't realize how much I missed that."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Taking a long sip he looked around, no doubt thinking about Alice. His phone pinged and he smiled like a love sick fool. It was nice to see him so happy.

I wondered if it was too obsessive to text Isabella while she was with a friend. He was watching me with an arched brow "What?"

"Nothin' man, nothin', Ali's right is all. This beer is fuckin' good, Bella and Ali only drink this British Ale—lord only knows why—never tasted it before but I think I've been converted. They have great taste."

I smiled wickedly to myself, it seemed like she had an affinity for a number of British things. It was the same beer Bella had given England's Gold, it and me last night just happened to be my favorite.

Again, he checked his phone, frowning at the message. Alice. "This mornin' did you just fuck, eat and leave?"

Fuck, she had wanted me to stay. I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated at both her and myself. "Jazz, she didn't ask me to stay. How was I supposed to know what she wants if she doesn't tell me—I knew I should've stayed, she was acting strange so I just assumed she wanted time to herself…I wanted to stay. I sure as hell didn't want to go home. Is she upset with me?"

"No. I don't think this has to do with you, at least not all of it. Ali says they're heading over to Charlie's house to drop off all the damn food your girl made after you left."

_You could be over there is twenty minutes, holding her in your arms in twenty-three… Fuck, where are my keys?_

"Carlisle, cool it. She's spendin' the night over at Charlie's, so don't go rushing over to her place."

The second half started but we didn't continue talking, my thoughts were somewhat scattered. Quickly I typed out a text and hit send but she didn't reply. The game ended, Liverpool won and between the two of us, we finished the last of the England's Gold and two pints of the best fucking ice cream I've ever tasted, including Scooter's Frozen Custard back home.

"Where'd Alice get that ice cream?"

"Your girl made it while my Ali watched. It's fucking the best but I have a hard time eating it when I think about their crazy ass names." I must have looked bewildered because he was quick to explain that all of them were named after men, not just men but men they (or Bella) fancied. He stared naming them blushing when he mentioned one with apples. Curious I looked at my empty container, Viggo Blue. Why was I always getting stuck with this man, first the bike, now the ice cream? Fuck!

Men, they were all named after men, older men, men Bella fancied, men Bella was attracted to…

_Carlisle foire glace_

Holy Fuck, she wanted to make me into an ice cream flavor.

I grinning to myself I sent her another text message and waited, she didn't respond. Looking around something occurred to me for the first time since I arrived, "Jazz, why are we here and not at your place?"

"Well, its complicated…I'm not sure if you want to hear this or not." I sat up and looked at him, waiting. He sighed and scrubbed his face roughly before looking back at me, pleading for understanding.

"Why Jasper?"

"Rose."

* * *

**A/N: Beer, futbol and Ice cream! Oh My! What is Rose doing at Jazz's? In case you guys were wondering, Bella is (or was) wearing Agent Provocateur Jacqueline Brief before Carlisle melted them off her. Jesus what the man can do to a perfectly good pair of panties! **

**Review, let me know what you think. I'll write faster**

**Translations:**

**Seulement pour vous, Carlisle. ****Seulement… pour vous…Only for you Carlisle, only for you.**

**Il est trop tard…it's too late.**

Should I go over the yummy men ice creams?

**Liam Neeson Delight-** Coconut Peach with toasted Almonds

**Depp Oasis**- Mango Lassi Frozen Yogurt with Pistachio Biscotti Bits

**Viggo Blue**- Blueberry tart with White Chocolate swirls and bits of Danish shortbread Cookies

**Wild One Brando**- Cherry Vanilla and Andes Mint Chocolate chunks frozen custard

**Sinatra My Apples** -Vanilla gelato with green and red apples, caramel swirls and pie crust

**My Apples** -Vanilla gelato with green and red apples, caramel swirls and pie crust

.


	13. Island

**A/N: I can't say thank you guys enough for reviewing, commenting, adding, alerting and just plain reading this fic. You people rock my very colorful socks, you guys rock'em hard.**

**Sorry for the late update, I went on vacation and the World Cup has been taking up a lot of my time. Yes, I'm a futbol fan, FC Barcelona is my team. *Happy Dance* My Spain won their first cup ever and I couldn't be more excited. A little tipsy on Spanish wine right now but no worries I wrote this two weeks ago.**

**Thank you to my Beta xoxocullenluverxoxo. You are awesome!**

**Listen to Island by The XX. You won't be sorry. They are amazing...not on Robert Plant's level but amazing nonetheless.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It's too late.

Il est trop tard.

After Carlisle left I felt like a complete moron. I wanted him to stay the whole day and wake up with me the next day. I could've asked him but I simply couldn't, not after he made a point of saying he had to go home, twice. Just the idea of his home flooded me with sadness; it was as if he knew everything that had gone through my mind while he was in my bed. My bed, not his or ours, but mine.

I had to do something other than smell his sweater—when he left he said I could keep it, that it looked sexy on me. He knew I'd wear it, but he didn't have to know how many times I'd wear it.

There were too many thoughts, too many emotions threatening to break through, so I did what I usually did—Cook. I went into the kitchen and started cooking but not before, I changed out of the intoxicating sweater. What I still wanted was it to smell like the man and if I cooked in it, the smell would be gone. Don't judge me, he smells like heaven.

I had told Carlisle I needed to go shopping but the truth was I needed to go shopping for what I had wanted to make him for Breakfast—Brioches aux Pralines—everything else I had in the pantry.

Because I was thinking about my dad and his evasive message, I made his favorites, hoping that my cooking could soften whatever it was that he needed to talk to me about. Charlie loved my cooking.

While cinnamon sugar Palmiers baked I prepped the Baeckeoffe. I cleaned, trimmed and chopped the leeks, cubed the potatoes and the lamb all to the musical styling's of Mr. Robert Plant. The leeks sautéed quickly and went to rest in the Dutch oven along with the potatoes and lamb. By the time I was pouring the white wine into the mixture my palmiers were done. A dash of salt and pepper later and away it went to hang out in the oven for an hour or so.

I made a quick Haricots Verts salad with sun dried tomatoes and extra virgin olive oil and pine nuts because Charlie needed to eat vegetables. And on the note of vegetables I got started on baked eggplant and zucchini seasoned with Herbes de Provence.

"Wow, I feel like I'm watching a cooking show. Quick say, BAMMM! Bella, what's going on? The last time I saw you make this much food was…wait…I've never seen you make this much food."

"Holy Fuck, Alice. Make some damn noise will you!" I snapped, clutching my heart threatening to fly out of my chest.

She mumbled an apology before sitting herself on the breakfast bar to watch me. I couldn't take the look in her eyes, she knew something was wrong but the sympathy in them was more telling than her uncharacteristically quite mouth.

Never in her life was she quite.

"What are you looking at Alice?" Suddenly I was pissed, she was my best friend and the last time I saw _her_, she was cozying with the bitch that ruined everything. "Where's Rose, don't you two have a collection to put together? I'm surprised she hasn't taken me place in our traditions. I half expected you guys to go skipping hand in hand…Laverne and Shirley Paris edition."

"I deserve that but Bella; do you really think I could be friends with her after hearing all the things she said to you or all the things you thinks about you? On—"

"You didn't seem to care on Friday, Alice!"

"Let me finish and then you can yell at me if you want." I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest—either for protection or in anger, I wasn't sure. "I know how you look when you're being attacked, and on Friday I thought it would be better –for the both of us—to play nice. It was a stupid move on my part and I see that now but I at the time I needed her. The last thing I want to do is hurt you and you know that she can never take your place. You're the C's to my Chanel and Rose is…well, she a raving bitch devil twin."

I smiled at her, loving the way she seethed her name. "Nice to know I'm not the only one that thinks that. How Jasper shared a womb with her is beyond me. You left me there and it hurt, you ignored me Ali. _You_ chose her over me and I don't really understand. Why would you need her? You never need connections; you don't even use the connection birth gave you the right to use. So, why Rose? And what do you mean you needed her, you don't anymore?"

She sighed and picked a couple of grapes, "I was sure Carlisle would take you home, I'm sorry. I love you, you're my sister and I know I was a bitch. We've been through shit together and I should have acted better but you know I'm not perfect. I didn't need her for connections…it doesn't really matter why I thought I needed her then. Things are different now…and as it turns out, I didn't need her in the first place. "

"Why? What changed?" I asked after moving the eggplant and zucchini in the other oven and setting the timer.

"I know what happened at the fair, everything that she said and then some. Carlisle is a good man—maybe a smidge damaged but a good man nonetheless and he doesn't deserve that type of fuckery and neither do you. "

Only Alice, I swear she had a crystal ball in her designer bag. "How do you know he'd damag—wait never mind, I forgot who I was talking to. Last I recall you want to disembowel the man with a rusty knife, since when are you all _Team Carlisle_?"

"I've been on Team Bella forever and when I pushed your sexy ass into his arms he joined that team. I'm always on your side, and anyway Carlisle and I…we've chatted." Alice shrugged as if them talking was the most natural thing in the world.

I gave her my best 'what the fuck Alice' look but she was unaffected. Shit, must have over used that one.

"Did it go well; did he explain his idiocy to you? I'm guessing he did or you two wouldn't have been all cozy at the fair. So then, what's up? How are you? I mean look at this!" She gestured wildly to the plentiful bounty that would soon make its way to Charlie's kitchen. "Whatever you're thinkin about, it must be bad or at the very least extremely confusing. This much cooking is never a result of sex with the Golden God himself."

_Golden God…oh, I like that!_

"I'm good, now, I suppose. He told me about his life before—it's heartbreaking Ali. At first, I thought he was shutting down but then he just spilled everything. This isn't a big deal Ali, I just have a lot of shit on my mind right now and this is how I work it out. But…Carlisle, I'm not sure where his head is, she's _his_ family. Rosalie hurt him; it was as if she wanted to see him in pain. It hurt me; every word she told him hurt me. Alice…I'm in love with him."

_God you're pathetic…what happened to the smart Bella. This is stupid with a capital S._

"Of course you do! What the problem Smalls?"

"This morning happened! The counter happened, the island happened! The breakfast and his leaving…it's too late and I can't pull away. Alice, I can't pull away, I can't walk back across this bridge. It's too late."

"I fully expect to get the details about what happened on the counter and the island but for now, why would you want to pull away Bella. You're fantastic at distancing yourself from people, and I understand why you do it, really I do but… is it really that scary that you can't put a wall between you and Carlisle? That means something Bella, you can't ignore it. Yes, it's been two weeks but sometimes love just happens, without explanations or sanity. It's too late; you're making this sound like a fucking terminal illness."

"It's not a bad thing Ali, it's great, scary as hell, in a sickening fantastic way." I turned to the stove, not wanting to face her now; she'd see defeat in my eyes. It was too late.

This morning I thought he had left and I was five point two seconds from crying my eyes out before he cleared his throat. Right there, wearing nothing but a smile and those briefs I realized that I wanted to wake up to him every morning, that it was too late because the concept of falling in love was gone. I already was in love with him.

I was his, completely

And already I knew I'd lose him.

God, I had to be crazy.

He didn't feel the same way. There was no way. Sure he loved having sex with me but after two weeks of knowing each other and only two fucking days of actually being "together" he didn't love me because that would be utterly stupid. He was absurdly intelligent and I was the fool here. The stupid young fool in love with her professor.

It wasn't how attractive he was, or his inconceivable sexual prowess, but the way he touched my skin tenderly when he thought something was troubling me, the way his eyes dug into mine, the way he shared his secrets with me, and the way he made my heart beat for him. The man was sweet and intelligent and like I had told him I had wanted him long before we met…perhaps I was well on my way to loving him months ago.

Damn his book to hell.

I felt two freakishly strong wrap around my waist and I felt Alice press a kiss to my cheek. "Bells, you're over thinking this. Forget about what one spiteful Bitch said to you…trust what you feel and if you can't trust that then trust me on this. Things will work out, they always do."

"You sound so sure."

"I am sure, besides I have my sources. Do you think Rose would go that far to protect him if you didn't mean anything to him?"

I shrugged my shoulders. Her optimism wasn't as infectious as I had hoped but I tried not to dwell on something I couldn't control and put some trust in her words. Perhaps I was just being pessimistic; it wouldn't be the first time.

We officially kissed and made up, and while the Baeckeoffe finished off, I gave her detailed highlights of sex with Carlisle 'The Golden God'. Oh yeah, I was so using that nickname. She was proud to say the least and patted my ass for taking control of him, stating that her little girl had grown up while wiping faux tear from the corner of her eye. We giggled like school girls when I described waking up to his twinkling blue eyes and blonde bed head and what having him riding Viggo with me felt like. Oh God, it was an experience too divine not to share. With him behind me I was so close to him yet unable to take advantage of his length pressed against me, that and the teasing of both him and the humming machine between my legs. It was almost too much. I was surprised I hadn't crashed. Even Alice, fucking too many fuck buddies Alice, blushed at our morning antics. Yes, that island was never going to be seen that same way again.

Umm, I had a new appreciation for that island.

xXXx

On the trip to Charlie's, I was filled in with how Alice chewed out Rosalie. Apparently, Rose was venting to her brother unaware as she screamed that Alice was inches away armed with sharp words. I felt a rush of pride towards my friend's loyalty. She truly did love me and with that realization, a pang of sadness pulsed in my chest for having been so quick to believe she'd walk away from me. Alice was ruthless, as I knew she could be, she protected me, fought for me and true to Alice style, Rosalie was threatened with a slicing of Kill Bill proportions.

"Oh, how I love you Alice, I could just kiss you! You knocked the bottle blonde right out of her. I kinda wanted to do that myself but at least it got done. Can you say _I need Japanese steel_." I called over to her as soon as we pulled in front of Charlie's house.

"Be careful who hears you say that Bella baby, you could start some hot rumors with that one. She did look stunned stupid, dim witted and plain country, I do declare. _Why do you need Japanese steel?_"

I laughed at her horrible transitions from southern to Japanese accents. I took out as much of the food out of her baby while she once again pulled a balancing act on me. Four inch heels, huge bag, texting while holding the Palmiers like a life line, checking to see if I was watching her so she could sneak one. This girl was too much but I thanked God for her. Tossing my bag over my shoulder and unlocking the front gate I scanned the neighborhood before stepping inside—some days I missed this place. Alice walked in front of me, suspiciously chewing.

"_I have vermin to kill_." I quoted without missing a beat, my arms loaded up walking on the cobble stone pavement in my boots.

"_You must have big rats if you need Hattori Hanzo's steel_." Alice fired back her words muffled by what I suspected was a generous bit Palmiers.

"Huge." We both looked up to see a very tired looking Emmett. The times we had been together he was inordinately loud and exuberant but now, well now he looked drained and if I was being completely honest, like someone had run over his puppy and dragged it for a couple of blocks. "I love that movie, couldn't resist. Alice, Bella, nice day?" We both nodded, "Charlie's in the living room watching World Cup soccer tape or whatever."

"Football." I corrected. Americans, what was with them always calling it the wrong name?

"Right, Football. You think it'll be alright if I stay for a while Bella? I don't really want to go home just yet."

"Yeah, sure Emmett, I don't mind if you stay."

He smiled sadly and thanked me before disappearing into the living room. I threw Alice a questioning look but she looked down and walked inside with a small frown. The girl knew something and I was going to get it out of her. Vodka and olives usually did the trick, that or some of my ice cream or cookies or Pâtes au Pistou. Damn it was amazing she didn't weigh a ton!

Unfortunately, she left before I could use any of my tactics on her, claiming that she had some work to do that just couldn't wait. Emmett stayed and ate with us, making all sorts of contented noises about how delicious the food was and how he hadn't been cooked for in years. Charlie snorted indignantly but continued to dote on his children. Nikki and Jackson smiled toothy grins, giggling and attempting a few easy French words I assumed Carlisle taught them. Jackson came over, sat on my lap after our early dinner, and promptly fell asleep. He was such an angel I couldn't resist dropping a tiny kiss on his wild curly head.

I wondered where Rosalie was and when Emmett met my gaze he shook his head sadly and mouth _Please, don't ask._ She wasn't here in my father's house and for now that was all that mattered.

Charlie walked away after he and Emmett said their goodbyes leaving me with the giant and his sleeping babies. Quietly I helped him carry Jackson while he got Nikki. He didn't say a word on the short walk over to his home, nothing awkward about the weather, simple silence. Once he got Nikki and Jackson settled on the couch he turned to me and smiled sadly, running his hand through his short curly hair.

"I'm sorry Bella, more than you know. I hope you can forgive me but I thought he deserved to know. Thanks for lending me your dad."

I didn't really know Emmett but he had struck me as the buoyant sort of person. What happened to him?

"Sure Emmett, anytime. Charlie needs some cool friends anyway." It sounded odd, but it was my attempt to lighten the suddenly heavy mood. His face twisted in what looked like a painful grin, his dimples no longer childlike in their sweetness. Clearly, my attempt had failed. I wished him a good night before heading back over to the house, noticing that his driveway was empty. No Rose.

The house was eerily quiet; I called out to him, "Charlie?" Why was the man always disappearing on me? "Père?"

"Bella?" Oh, here we go again. "Is that you?"

"Yes, Dad. It's me, Bella, your only daughter." Charlie came into the kitchen, dusting off his knees and sat down at the table. "Père, I'm going to get a complex soon. Where do you hide your other kid when I'm not around, in the secret press like Harry Potter?"

He didn't smile at my rolling eyes; usually he was amused by my sarcastic ways but not tonight, it seemed. It was then that I noticed he had some magazines in his hand…this couldn't be good.

"Isabella Marie Swan will you please explain to me why I had to learn from this rag that the reason you and Jake split was because he was screwing, of all people, Sam? That is not what you told me. And it seems that even Billy knew the truth. Was he cheating on you?" He dropped said magazine on the table, the cover clearly displaying Friday night's confrontation—Jake grabbing my arm painfully with Sam standing just to his side.

"Yes, Dad…I—"

"And what the fuck is that mother fucker doing grabbing you like that. I have the right mind to scare the shit out of that dick head with my shotgun for even touching you." I gasped at the curses he let out. Charlie didn't say _fuck_, or _mother fucker_ or _dick head_. Shit this was bad. "Explain it to me. Right now."

This was the last thing I thought I'd be doing my dad's house, explaining how the sons of his two best friends betrayed me. Yeah, not an ideal conversation topic, even less so with a man who had an affinity for exerting his authority, shotguns and protecting me. When I finished his eyes were wide with anger and sympathy, but underneath I could tell he was itching to give someone a piece of his mind. I had a feeling it would be me.

"Bella, you should've told me. They are my friends but you are all I have. You come before them and you should've have told me! All this time…those two assholes are not welcome in my house."

"Dad, you're going to ruin the perfect image I have of you…pipe down the swearing. It's so…un-Charlie." He was not amused of my joking manner, this wasn't funny to him. "I'm sorry, dad. I should have told you but they are your friends, you've all known each other for years. You've never made a secret of how much you wanted Jacob and I to get married and give you grand children, I didn't want you to upset you or have you kill anyone. Forgive me for lying?"

He grunted, and threw down the other dreaded magazine on the table. It looked like sordid evidence and I could just here the prosecutor, "_And here in exhibit A is proof the Bella in fact does have the Renee propensity of grinding on random men in bars. See how his dick is firmly wedged against the curve of her ass." _No father should have to see that. Suddenly I felt like I was being interrogated, my father's hands were folded casually in front of him and his feature gave me no indication of what he would say next. Would he be good cop and offer me a glass of water, or bad cop and slap me with the law.

"I don't know what his name is or what he does for a living and honestly I couldn't care less. I've seen this man before, Isabella. Once he was over at the McCarty's for dinner, then I saw him leaving Canard and then again at your art show. Who is he to you and are you seeing him? "

"He's related to Emmett's wife."_ And I love him._

"Are you seeing him?"

"Dad, I don't think you want to know this. Sometimes the less you know the better." _I love him, I slept with him the same night I met him and had some very fantastic, earth shattering, intense shagging on my island, he's my professor and I LOVE him!_

"Are. You. Seeing. Him?"

"It's complicated." _And I love him_

"No, it's not! Either yes or no, Isabella, you will not lie to me. Are you seeing him or have you just decided to ruin your life by sleeping with him? Do you think it's easy for me to see this and not have questions, concerns, harsh calls to make? Think about how it looks. It doesn't look good I'll tell you that. I took this from Renee but I will not do it with you."

_So he chose Bad Cop._

Everything came out then, this was an old argument but never had he pushed me quite so far. I have a temper; sue me, I'm French.

"Well, that's rich dad! You can take a little secrecy from the bitch who refused to love you but not from me. Maybe it would have helped for you to use some of this _I take no crap_ attitude with her, she might have even divorced you** before** fucking half of France!

"I'm in those shit magazines because of her. You can't force me to explain something I don't even understand just because of what she did. Thank God she was stupid enough to get herself wrapped around a fucking tree because she'd still be humiliating us, both. And for the record, I'm not ruining my life… I'm NOT HER!"

Heat flooded his face and his nostrils flared. Now at least we were both angry. "How you could speak about your mother that way, Isabella, I taught you better than that. You will respect her and you had better show me some respect."

"You, of course, dad but her? Respect? What respect should I show her, she isn't my mother. Charlie, she never was, she couldn't even keep me healthy while she was pregnant with me. She left you, me…she left us. She abandoned us and you still love her. How could you love her, after everything she did to you…how?"

"For better or for worse Isabella, she gave me you. And I will not stand by and let you disrespect her." Hot tears sprang into my eyes at his words. Why was it that in this war he was always on her side?

He got up and started for the stairs but he stopped right outside the kitchen. "Renee is beside the point Isabella. He's is too old for you, older men have different expectations, ones that you might be not be ready to meet. You aren't anything more than a toy to him, a young toy that he will toss aside once he's had his fill. From what Emmett tells me his stay in France is temporary and his history with women isn't exactly spotless. He will leave Bella and when he does, you'll get hurt."

His speech was made with such a harsh tone that I wondered if he remembered that he wasn't dealing with a suspect but me. I didn't turn to look at his face, uncertain what I would find.

After a moment, he cleared his throat and my father was back, his voice was soft and full of the agony I had always known was there but that he never dared to show me.

"I know what it's like to be left; I would do everything in my power to save you from that Mon Coeur."

"You don't… know _him_."

"Neither do you, Bella. Bon Soir."

I didn't stay at Charlie's, I couldn't. I left him a short note letting him know I was going home. I took my old Camero and drove home. Surrounded by the noise of city life I let my mind drift over Charlie's words.

He wasn't too old for me, of that I was completely sure. Charlie had always told me I was too mature for my age; that I needed to act like a child at some point in my life and Aro had shrugged it off with a quip about it being mysterious. It only made sense for me to be attracted to an older man.

Older men possessed a level of maturity that I admired and craved but never really experienced. I had only ever known Jake and he was a man-child, lazy, immature and emotion depth of a puddle. Carlisle was his exact opposite, he was hurt and damaged but he wasn't the type of man Jake was.

And Expectations? Was my father really alluding to sexual expectations, ones that I couldn't meet?

_Sorry Charlie but I'm pretty sure I got things covered on that front._

I wasn't convinced I was just a mere toy to Carlisle—it certainly seemed like more. I mean did I ever tell my Blue Rabbit about what a fucker Jake was, or how ill equip he was to satisfy me, tell it my secrets or cry on its shoulder—or err ears? Hell no! I couldn't be a toy. I knew he felt something. Sure as hell not love, but something.

How I got home unscathed and in one piece was a mystery because my father's words rung loudly in the space between my ears. _Neither do you, Bella._

He wasn't a stranger to me; I knew more about him than people could possibly understand. I knew more than he told me, more than I understood—somehow my heart knew this man.

Some things were still a mystery to me. His favorite color, food, did he prefer savory to sweet, spicy to mild, hot to cold. Did he like abstract or surreal art…did he like it when my innocence came out or did he like the moments when I could give a fuck if he was only the second man I'd even slept with and simply took the reins. Did he understand that I was confused by how much I cared for him so soon?

I didn't know any of those answers, all I knew was that my flat was cold and smelled like my culinary distractions and he was home. I was alone and he was home. After slipping out of my boots, jeans and top I slipped on Carlisle sweater and let it comfort me—God his scent drove me out of my mind. Yves Stain Laurent needed to bottle this heavenly fusion of man, sex, apples and spice. They could call it Epices d'Or— I pulled out my phone and texted Alice.

**Bella, you need to stop this. Charlie's just being a dad. It's going to be fine. **

I sighed at her certainty and sent her a message back before getting myself an England's Gold. Merde, even my favorite ale reminded me of Carlisle. It tasted like him too, crisp and subtle bitterness, my mouth watered.

Alice had yet to text me back but my inbox still showed one unread message. Curious I opened and smiled.

_Isabella, I'm thinking about you. Wish I could see you smile. Have you eaten? C_

I was about to text him back when Pixie's message came through.

**Of course Charlie thinks he's too old for you…Carlisle is like what ten or fifteen years younger than your dad? What did you expect? **

Quickly I told her Carlisle had texted me, that he was thinking about me and the rest of what Charlie had said before leaving my phone on the magical island.

Ahh, the island. My eyes lingered on the island a moment too long, before moving on to breakfast bar to the paintings to the window and landing back on the island. It was silly but much like the sweater he wouldn't know that I laid down on the slab of marble. It was cold against my skin but my body was burning with the memory of what we had done.

I got to feel him, really feel him without latex separating us. It was intense, amazing and hot, so incredibly _intimate_. I have never been with anyone _that _way. With Jake I had been on birth control just the same and the lack luster sex we did have was never without a condom. Putting the kibosh on the latex, even after three years, never crossed my mind. However with Carlisle…I didn't want a barrier; I wanted him to feel me completely wrapped around him and his inside me. I smiled at thought of his little—or not so little—nude Zeppelin show, his words, and his hips.

_God, this man was going to kill me._

I was so lost that the vibration of my phone scared me half to death. I had two messages, no doubt from Alice.

**I don't think you're a toy and you know enough about him. You know the important things…the small things will come later. Ducky, let it happen. **

I smiled and texted her back draining my beer before toss it in the recycling bin and went back to the other text. If possible my smile widen at the sight of his name.

_Did you have a nice day? I want to make ice cream with you, I'm sure ours would taste fantastic. Or we could try Carlisle Foire Glace…you did mention something about that this morning.*wink* Have you eaten? C _

My cheeks burned at the mere mention of my dream. Fucking sleep talking.

I tried calling him but I only got his machine. I didn't leave a message—what would I say _"Hey sorry for not returning your text but I've been thinking about how much I love you and how fucking insane that is. Oh yeah and I'm terrified about you leaving in May. But I did eat and yeah our ice cream would taste fan-fucking-tastic."_ I don't think so.

May, it was weeks away. Three weeks away to be exact.

Just then I heard my phone again and as if my life depended on it, I fumbled for it. I frowned (perhaps for the first time) at the fact that it was only Alice and not Carlisle

**Bella it's great that he's thinking about you. Honey I so happy for you, this is great!**

I didn't see her logic; quickly I sent two messages to her before turning my phone off. I'd text him back when I was less neurotic and had some control over these insane feelings. I was tried, tired of this round robin between my brain and my heart so I made my way to the bedroom. Sadly, my bed was without him, so sleep did not come as quickly as I would have liked. I tossed and turned.

_What wrong with you? You slept just fine without him._

Eventually I drifted into a nice dream state…

I smiled as his nose skimmed the column of my neck, kissing my pulse point. "You smell so good, sweetheart but next time I'm showering with you. I can't stay out here when I know you're in there naked and wet."

"You could have showered with me this time Carlisle." I sighed as he found the soft spot below my ear that turned me on much. He pulled me tighter into his embrace, making sure there was no room between his chest and my back.

"Humm, I'll keep that in mind unless you're feeling dirty all of a sudden. We could shower now."

"I'm good but maybe in the morning." I could feel his pout. He was too adorable.

"I'm holding you to that. Good night, love."

"Good night. Love you."

**Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!**

I felt the arms loosen around my waist, he was letting go of me. Turning and burying my face into his chest I begged for more time.

"Five more minutes, Carlisle. Just five."

**Bang!** "Bella!" **Bang!** "Bella honey, please open up." **Bang!**

I woke with a start, blindly searching for the time. Two in the morning. Two in the damn morning and someone calling me _Bella honey_ was frantically knocking on my door. I rolled over to where Carlisle had just been to look at him with my _Can you believe this shit_ face but found nothing but empty bed. Oh yeah, that's right I went to sleep alone. I felt a stinging in my eyes and threw my arms over my face.

This is just ridiculous. You're a grown up, you can sleep alone.

"Bella, please." **Bang!** "Open up its Carlisle…we need to talk." **Bang!**

He really needed to stop saying that, each time it was like a knife twisting in gut. I stubbed my toe twice on my way over to the door.

"Bella, please, Alice told me you were home."

"Fucking Alice," I muttered yanking the door open before he started shouting again. "You're lucky Felix is in Morocco—he'd kill you if you woke him you. Carlisle it's two in the morning…get inside. What are you doing here anyway?"

"We need to talk about something." I closed the door and watched him pace for a while. He looked tense; his demeanor was making me tense.

"I hate when you say we need to "talk". Every time we have a talk you tell me things that hurt." I sighed, throwing myself on my favorite chair and took in his appearance. Willing my body to relax I took a few deep breaths.

_Well, you can add sexually amped right along with tense._

Football pants. He was Fernando fucking Torres perfection Football pants and a Liverpool UEFA Champions League Training Top —how did I know it was a UEFA Champions League Training Top? Because, I had one just like it, albeit much smaller. I groaned and covered my face.

Did he know my all weaknesses? Liverpool, football, his wild blonde hair, and his sexy broken glasses…all he needed to tell me was that he played.

"I don't intend for them to hurt you, Bella. You told me not to lie to you and that includes— unfortunately— painful things that have happened to me. If you want me to leave, I will. It _is_ very late or entirely too early. "

He was staring at me as if he was trying to figure out some mathematical puzzle, one that had given him a swift kick to the gonads. "I don't want you to leave Carlisle, the opposite in fact. I'd love for you to stay but do you really need to wear clothes like that. Really, please tell me you don't play because if you do I think my ovaries might just explode. And after this morning, I don't think I stand much of a chance. "

He laughed, he fucking laughed at me, his shoulder shaking with mirth. What a jackass. Still shaking he picked me up and sitting down he placed me in his lap and kissed my cheek tenderly. "I'm sorry about your ovaries, sweet girl. I've been playing since I was six…English boy, remember."

"Of course you play, because that's how my life works. Is that what couldn't wait? It can't be as easy as that. Please tell me that it is, that you felt you needed to come over at two in the morning simply to torture me. I could live with that Carlisle."

He shook his head and adjusted us so that we could see one another. The junk punching mathematical problem face was back. This couldn't be good. Why was it that the two men in my life were taking turns stressing me the hell out?

"No, we need to talk about May."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews make me shine like the World Cup trophy and smile like David Villa a goal. Make my day and pretty please leave me a review.**


	14. L'Aube Spirituelle

**A/N: Once again thanks to my beta, she knows who she is! Thank you for the reviews, alerts, favorites and for the interest you guys have shown in my story.**

**I own nothing related to twilight, but this plot is mine.**

**Enjoy and review!**

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CPOV

It was late but I could not think of sleep. My mind was still back at Jasper's apartment, still watching Alice struggle against Jasper as he held her back and away from his sister. And Rose, her words lingered in my heard while I attempted to work. My phone buzzed and like a thirteen-year-old girl waiting for her boyfriend to call, I leaped at my cell.

_**How can it be fine, what am I going to do in May? What happens then?**_

For a moment I simply looked at the message, ignoring the paper work scattered on my desk. Obviously, it was from Bella but it couldn't have been meant for me, at least I didn't think it could be for me. The last text I'd sent her was to wish her a goodnight and she hadn't replied. I started to ask her what she meant when another text came in almost immediately.

**Ali, he will leave...what happens to me? How can this be great? I want him but he is going to LEAVE. **

With that text things were suddenly quite clear. I felt like imbecile, and I prided myself on my intellect. What a fucking joke! How could I have been so stupid, so blind? Her expression at the idea of my going home, her apathy for breakfast, going to her father's, even the unanswered texts—she was thinking about May, about what would happen when I left.

Oh Bella, sweet girl, why can't you just talk to me?

All this time I hadn't given it any thought that perhaps she was scared of what would happen after I left, that she was confused about where she would be left.

_What will happen in May...do you even know?_

Truth be told I had no clue what would happen but it was still weeks away. I didn't want to think about it, I'd think about it when the time came. The thought of walking away and never seeing her again was painful. Quickly I called Alice and after making sure she was ok after, not the first but second confrontation with Rose, I grabbed my keys and left my place without bothering to check the time.

I wasn't sleeping alone tonight…I simply couldn't do that. I wasn't sure I could ever go back to sleeping alone.

xXXx

"We need to talk about May."

She sat frozen on my lap for the longest minutes of my life. I stroked the limp hand in mine, attempting to get her attention but she didn't respond. Her skin had been warm and flushed just as it was every time she got aroused but the second mentioned that dreaded month ice replaced the fire in Bella veins. I could see fear plainly etched in her wide eyes, why it was there I couldn't fathom the reasons. I had told her she was in my thoughts, at all times. Hadn't I explained that I felt for her what I hadn't felt in years and only ever felt with my wife? Was that not enough to reassure her? Fear was the last thing I wanted her to feel. I wanted to spare her of pain, of fear but it seemed that I was too late.

Simply too late, as I always was.

Too late to save Esme, too late to save my baby boy, too late to save my father.

Too late.

I couldn't let it happen this time. I wouldn't.

We still had time, scarce time in the grand scope but time nonetheless and when the time did run out, well we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

"Bella," I whispered into her ear, telling myself that answers came first but smelling the rich combination of this woman's natural bouquet couple with my own scent only served to arouse me further.

There was a reason I gave her the sweater, a very primal reason and I wasn't ashamed of it. Besides the obvious proof that she looked stunning in it but I knew that her wearing something of mine was a way of marking her as mine. It was my clothing she wore and she was mine. I touched her skin; I kissed her lips and no one else.

Lord in heaven, I'm becoming a complete primitive fiend.

Bella shivered and I knew it was from the chill in the air and not in reaction to my proximity.

I frowned. I would have to get her warmed up again later, she smelled so much sweeter that way. Perhaps it was devious and selfish of me but I found something incredibly enthralling about keeping her aroused.

_Carlisle, keep it in your pants for five minutes and reassure the girl. I think I liked you better when you weren't getting any. _

"Bella." This time I spoke firmly, as I would speak to my class, to my students. And just like that reality came knocking. I'd have to speak to Isabella this way tomorrow.

No stolen kisses from those sweet lips, no tender caresses or salacious gazes. We'd have to act, we'd have to hide. As if what passed between us was shameful—it wasn't—we'd be forced to act indifferently towards each other when so much had change in these two days.

This was going to be rather difficult.

I touched her chin, tipping her face up to mine. "Isabella."

"How...did...what did you..." she stammered and if I didn't find her so intoxicating and adorable it would have irritated the fuck out me. I hated stammers and shudders.

"You texted me twice but not in response to my texts—I'm assuming those concerns were meant for Alice and only Alice. Either way, I can't un-see them. Bella, you must talk to me. You've shut me out all day…after our morning activity you checked out."

She flushed again, this time in embarrassment, and looked down at her lap. She seemed much more bashful this night and why I had no idea but I planned to figure it out. "I didn't respond to you but I did call. I wasn't shutting you out, Carlisle. I wanted to talk to you…it was busy, I didn't leave a message."

I recalled hearing my phone but I was otherwise occupied with Rose, Jasper and a very infuriated Alice. "Why?"

"What would I have said, Carlisle, that I missed you even though it's ridiculous to miss you a couple of hours after you've left me? Or that I wanted you to stay with me today, but I was a stupid girl that couldn't just ask that of you? Or would you have liked me to flirt-text with you minutes after my father scolded me like a five year old and basically told me I was behaving like my mother. Carlisle, don't you understand? You tell me about your wife and your lost child and I don't know how to treat you, how you want me to treat you. I have no idea if I can just ask you to stay with me or if I can ask you to hold me because I feel safe that way. I don't know what to say or if I pushing you too hard or..."

Just as I expected she lapsed into French but it was spoken with such velocity that I hardly understood her. The words I was able to pull out were obscure but could be pieced together easily enough.

Still I didn't have any answers just more questions.

"Bella sweetheart clam down a touch, just breathe." I begged her, stroking the length of her hair as she tried to regulate her breathing. Once Bella was calm, I continued. "I don't expect you to tip toe around the subject of...Esme or Edward, I told you about them because I wanted to. I don't want you to treat me differently and I'll let you know if and when you're pushing too hard. I do however want you to tell me, how you feel, what it is that makes you frown that way and what it is you want, what it is you need from me—with sex as well as everything else—because I have some clues and where I might be spot on with some things, without you talking to me, I'm blind. Talk to me and I will listen. Ask me and I'll stay, I'll hold you if that's what you want because you have to understand that what you want…Bella, I want. I wanted to stay with you today and I would have. I only mentioned home because I had to change but I had every intention of coming back to you as soon as I was done.

"You wanted me here but, Bella, how am I supposed to know if you do not tell me. You need to be able to talk to me. Do you understand?"

She nodded but her words were gone and replaced with a sad tearful gaze. What had I done now?

It pained me to see her cry and the second I told her so the tears were neatly tucked away and the downward frown disappeared. Hiding, that wasn't what I wanted, we'd have to do that soon enough and I'd be damned before I let her hide from me.

"Isabella, I didn't ask for you to hide from me. I don't want you to hide; all I want is for you to tell me what's going on."

"I don't know what you want." The words were spoken so softly I scarcely heard her or the pain in them.

"Look at me. I want you." She shook her as if in disagreement and the tears came back."I've told you how I feel... That I haven't felt what I feel with you in ages and still you doubt me. I've put my trust in you; it's time for you to do the same. Talk to me, I know your worried about my leaving."

"You don't live here and when you are done with me, you'll leave. Charlie's right, you'll leave and I don't like the way I feel about that, especially after such a short time. You want trust Carlisle, I do trust you, so much already and that scares me. The last person I trusted used and hurt me and in May you'll leave me. It will be the same."

"I'm not him, I am not Jacob. You can't measure us against the other Isabella and it won't be the same, sweet girl. I can't promise much but I can promise that it won't be the same. Do you think I'm not worrying about this as well? Because I am, it's there in the back of my mind but we have weeks to think about this. I want to enjoy every moment I have with you now without tainting it with thoughts of May. When we get there, we will talk about it. But do you really think that I could be with you only to leave you and never look back? Can you really believe that I'd share my sordid past with you, risk my career and put myself in the line of your father's gun for a shag and run."

She shook her head softly, worrying her plump bottom lip. "No, not good enough Isabella, I want to hear you say that you believe me, that you won't fret about this for weeks. Come on say it, sweetheart or we'll stay here all night."

"That doesn't sound too bad." She snuggled against me, wrapping her arms around my neck and wiggling her cute scantily clad ass into my lap. God, she was going to kill me. "I can stay here for a while."

I smiled against her, loving the sight of her soft grin. "You cheeky girl, I like it here too, but your warm bed is much better than this chair. I'm waiting."

"Fine, I believe you and I won't fret." It sounded weak, she didn't believe me but I suppose I'd simply have to prove it to her. I couldn't force her to believe that I wouldn't use her, not when her own father's words were still playing in her head.

I kissed the tip of her nose because it was adorable and I could hardly resist. "That's all I ask, Bella."

For a long moment she looked at my eyes, as if she was trying to read my very soul Bella searched. With an expression I could not decide for she traced my features as if she were drawing them on her sketch pad. "Carlisle, you're going to break me…all of me, I just know it."

I froze and slowly felt my heart break, a tiny fissure labeled with her name. This she believed, despite her joking tone it rang true and sure enough her eyes reflected the truth in her words.

"No, I promise that I won't. What kind of man would I be if I broke you, if I hurt you in any way? No, sweet girl, I could and will never hurt you." I told her as firmly as I dared to, hoping that she's see the truth in my words.

Bella smiled, resting her head on my shoulder and this time when she agreed with me, she believed me. _She believed me!_ I'd be lying if I said I didn't do the snoopy dance in my head the second after she murmured those words to me.

We were quite for a while, both of us listening to the soft sound of Paris floating in through her open window. She told me about Charlie and I could hardly blame the man but his approach angered me. How could someone so clearly betrayed still defend the women over his own daughter? The story didn't sound complete to me, there had to be a reason why he would be so loyal to a women whom though of loyalty as nothing more than a jest. I'm sure Isabella felt the waves of irritation rolling off of me and tighten her grip on my neck. I sighed into her embrace, in her arms the plait of my world melted away. She had a way of simply comforting me, just by wrapping her arms around me and letting me breathe her in.

"Bed?"

She nodded and made a move to get up and walk but I had no intention of letting go of her. Tossing her over my shoulder, smacking her bum I strode off into her bedroom while Bella begged, and pleaded through laughter to let go of her.

"Not bloody likely!"

xXXx

I didn't touch her last night, not the way I had intended to when I carried her into the room, it might have been the look of utter trust in her face or my sudden desire to be with her for her and not her body. After slipping under the sheets together Bella curled around me and told me that she had never really like sharing her bed before now. Smiling like a fool I drifted to sleep.

I woke to a beautiful girl curled around me, her hair draped over my shoulder and arm in a mess of waves and curls. She mumbled something before sighing happily; it warmed my heart that she would feel so comfortable with me. Kissing her forehead softy, I reflected over the tenor of last night's dream.

Once again, I dreamt of Bella more than a little pregnant with my child, glowing and looking delectable. This time she and I were at a party of sorts and Alice was torturing Bella with hummus she didn't want to eat. In seconds my girl's face went for happy and mildly irritated to sickly green, and soon I was holding her hair while she was sick. In this subconscious world there was a ring on my finger as well on Bella's, we were married and expecting—it was quite obvious that it was a dream. For what felt like hours, we stayed in the bathroom, both our hands linked and resting against the swell of our child.

Sure, I envied what Rose and Emmett had, or had envied considering recent events but never had I gone as far as imagining them for myself. I looked down at her angelic face, puckered lips and tried picturing it on a small child. One with blonde curls and wide innocent milk chocolate eyes or one with mahogany tresses and blue eyes, either way the child would be lovely. A piece of her and a piece of me.

A baby.

With that thought came a dull ache in my chest, one that never failed to knock the wind out of me but this time something else was stirred. Hope. It was absurd. I couldn't hope for this, not with her, not with anyone, my mind was simply reacting to old resentments, old wounds, old desires no longer available to me.

_If that's true then why are you picturing a bump under that blue sweater she has on right now?_

Christ, this feeling was a little unsettlingly. Rubbing my chest I chose to ignore it for the time being, it was just a dream after all. Dreams really didn't mean a whole lot, and if they did then I had been seriously short changed. As I child I dreamt I'd play the world cup for England on the moon. Needless to say that never happened; my theory on dreams was intact. They meant nothing.

It was still fairly early for Isabella to be up and about seeing as she didn't have her nude figure drawing class this morning (Yes, I memorized her schedule and I knew her instructor had canceled due to a "family crisis") but I did need to go home, have a shower and mentally prepare myself for the day, for class and my book signing later.

"Bella, angel." She shifted and asked for a couple more minutes while she attempted to burrow into me. "Sweetheart you don't have to get up yet, I just wanted a kiss before I left."

Her head snapped up, her face the very picture of pained bewilderment. "Leave? Why, what time is it?"

I tried to discern why she was suddenly so frightened when she relaxed, and a small grin settled on her face. "Oh, I forgot, we have class. I'll make you some coffee."

"Thank you Bella, but you don't need to do that." I told her, sweeping her hair away from her face to kiss her lips.

Before I could kiss her like I had been aching to Isabella jumped out of bed and rushed out of the room. Shaking my head after her I got dressed in a similar haste, pulling my shirt over my head and jamming my feet into my trainers, eager to join her.

The moment I walk into the kitchen a hot cup of coffee was placed in my hands and kiss on my lips. I thanked her and sat down, waiting for her to join me but she didn't instead she hopped on to the island and started playing with her fingers. This was a nervous habit of hers and I knew exactly what she was thinking because my mind was in the same place.

"Bella, look at me. Today is going to be a bit tough but we can do it. You can do it; you just have to be strong and pretend that this weekend never happened, and that I'm not so sexy." I expected her to laugh or at the very least roll her eyes but she didn't. She nodded, sighing heavily and began fiddling with the bowl beside her, fiddling but not eating.

Fuck, this is a problem.

"Aren't you going to eat?" She nodded and put one raspberry in her mouth, chewing it purposely but when she made no move to grab another I walked over to her and took her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me."Bella…what's wrong. You can tell me."

"I don't want to pretend."

I didn't want to pretend either. I watched as tears welled in her eyes shimmering like drops of rain on a window, but they never fell. I suspected she wouldn't let them fall knowing that it hurt me to see her in such a state. "I know and I don't either but think of it this way, it's only for ninety minutes, two days a week. The rest of the time is ours to spend together _not_ pretending, kissing, and touching…playing." I wagged my eyebrow at her and this time she chuckled, threaded her finger through my hair and massaged my scalp in a way that sent a zing of raw pleasure down my spine.

"God, that feels good, Bella, you have no idea how good. It'll be just fine today, you'll see, I promise. Wanna have dinner with me tonight?"

"Okay, if you say so. I trust you. Dinner sounds nice but I get to pick the place and," I choked on air when one of her hands grazed the part of me that was aching for her touch, "try not to wear your sexiest asspants because I swear to you that if have to stare at your ass for ninety minutes I will drag you in that little side room, push you against the wall and have my way with you. I don't care how many people are in the other room, listening."

I flushed and hardened at her passion but the term "asspants" stumped me. I asked her but she simply smiled and swatted my ass playfully. "How can I avoid the "asspants" if I have no idea what they are Isabella? You're not going to tell me are you? Fine, but two can play this little game of yours."

Intent on making her see how serious I was I brought both hand beneath the thin sweater to grip her waist tightly and began my assault on her sensitive neck. When I felt her breath falter I smiled, knowing I was on the right track. As my mouth trailed up to her ear so did my hands, skimming her ribs, brushing the sides of her breast. "I don't think it's very wise to be teasing your professor. You never know what kind of punishment I'd have in store for you."

The moan the reverberated through the room stirred me even further, forcing all the blood away from head and rushing to my other head. She rubbed my dick a bit harder while she placed soft kissing on my neck, this hard and soft, innocent and vixen combination was wreaking havoc on me. I could feel her nipples begging for attention and unable to deny this woman anything I pinched and rolled her stiff buds firmly.

"Carlisle!" She mewled, thrusting her hips in attempt to get closer. Time was really the furthest thing from my mind. If I wasn't careful I'd end up teaching in the training top Bella seemed to love so much. I had to leave before I stripped her and worshiped her body.

"Do you like the idea of punishment, Bella or are you afraid of what I'll throw at you?"

Biting my ear and loosening her grip on my manhood she whispered in my ear huskily. "I think I can take whatever you have to throw at me Dr. Cullen."

"Umm, you're might regret that Isabella."

"No, Dr. Cullen I don't think so."

_The game's a foot, Watson!_

I left shortly after and when I did the bowl of raspberries was empty as was my coffee cup. I felt better knowing she had eaten and not only was she sure of where she stood with me but that her playful sexuality had come back. She called me Dr. Cullen several times but I reckon she did it because she saw how deeply it affected me. Normally I wasn't found of being referred to in that way, avoided it at all costs seeing as it served as a reminder that while I had my PHD, it was really all I had. A title gleaned from dark recesses of literature during a period of my dismal grief. But with Isabella it made me feel, accomplished, intelligent and they way she purred it, well, that made me want to do wicked things to that girl.

I dressed quickly, ignoring the messages from an angry Rosalie, concerned Jasper, an overly excited Alice and lastly an apologetic Emmett. I'd deal with them later, whatever it was that they wanted or needed to tell me could wait. I decided to check my email; there were quite a few messages from my friend Eleazar, or Eli, as I had always called him. After returning his email I packed up my brief case and picked up my jacket—it was a little gray this morning and I suspected rain was on its way. Just as I was heading out, I received a text message from my sweet girl with a picture attached. Let's just say I was lucky I wasn't driving; if I had been, I would have crashed and died with a massive erection.

_How many times could a man get hard in one day?_

A snap shot of her torso filled my screen but what I had not expected to see was that I had marked her. Framed by the filigree of her tattoo and a merger hint of sheer black panties was a red circle in the shape of my mouth, like a signature on her skin.

For a moment, I thought she was angry but that notion was quickly dispelled when I read her words.

**Are we getting territorial Dr. Cullen? Am I allowed to do the same?**

She was pure evil, how was going to face a class with this obvious bulge in my pants?

_Isabella, please behave. I won't be able to hide the effect you have on me if you continue this. And yes you can mark me anywhere you like.*Wink* C_

Quickly I got into my car and made my way over to Sorbonne. I was sitting in the class room have a rather interesting conversation with Dr. Jane Lapointe, the department chair, with my phone clutched in my hands when Bella's text came in with a unashamed ping. The look Jane gave me for receiving a text could have melted the ice caps better than global warming ever could. With a faux angelic smile she excused herself with a snide comment about my having something better to _do_. Hell hath no fury like a sadistic women scorned.

With a sigh I read her text and cursed my confining trousers.

_**How am I supposed to behave when you say things like that? Really, Anywhere I like? I more than like your inner thigh or that sweet spot just below you belly button.*Licks Lips* **_

_Later Isabella, right now I have to figure out how I'm going to get rid of this little problem you started. For fuck sake, I was talking to Dr. Lapointe and getting a hard on is not something I need to ever do around that women. You promised not to misbehave Bella. *Groans* C_

**Jane Lapointe? That woman is a terror, stay on her good side. Little? Don't be modest Carlisle; it's pretty sizable if you ask me. I never promised anything and seeing as you still wore the pants I'm not behaving. **

I smiled and texted her with one hand while the other covertly drifted to my crotch trying to ease the ache, I needed to get under control.

_Do you want to kill me? Jesus, Isabella, I can't teach like this. Collette sits in the front row! C_

**Since when is touching yourself in class acceptable Dr. Cullen? Tisk, tisk but you're right, Collette is a professor hunting whore so Close your eyes and think of England! Or I could take your hand's place*Wink* if you'd like that? TJG **

_Think of England_, this little girl was too funny. My head whipped around, searching for her as I pulled my hand away from where I wanted hers. She could see me but why couldn't I see her, how was that fair? I was about to call her when people, seemingly out of thin air, started pouring in, talking and laughing loudly. I took a deep breath in an effort to clam myself, discreetly wiping the beads of sweat that gathered on my fore head while I pictured her lips sucking, her hand pumping.

Collette walked by, swaying her hips in what I'm sure she thought was alluring but it made her look like she needed a hip replacement. She smiled at me trailing her finger on my arm while wishing me a good morning. Isabella's words were in my head, Professor Hunting Whore, and I gave her a terse good morning and turned to the class, now seated and still talking about their exploits.

"Alright, I trust everyone have a good weekend but now is not the time to discuss it. Now is the time for Baudelaire." I scanned the room to make sure I had everyone's attention and to look for Isabella. I searched and came up empty, frowning I continued.

"I have your papers up here, most of you did well enough but some of you did not put enough thought or effort into your words. Yes, you answered the question but that was all. Creusez plus profond, poésie n'est pas unidimensionnel, il est à facettes multiples. Pensez à ceci quand vous écrivez ce document de semaines, maintiennent ceci dans l'esprit aujourd'hui."

I couldn't find her and it was making me irritated as fuck. Surely she wouldn't have just skipped my class because this would be difficult? _If I had to do this than so did she._ I scanned the rows again, and this time towards the back door was a smiling Isabella. Instantly my dark mood lifted but I ignored that saucy look she gave me and began my lecture.

"L'Aube Spirituelle est une poésie en laquelle l'espoir de l'idéal est personnifié. The ideal, which we have covered before, is Baudelaire's notion that one person, one women possesses every attribute for salvation. The ideal partner. Many say it is elusive, impossible to find and difficult to discern from the lustful passions we are susceptible to but in this poem there is a hope in the words. Hope for salvation and for an escape from the degradation he has sunk to. What is love if not saving grace, even if it is a hopeful grace?"

I recited the words, turning my back to write important points on the board.

"Quand chez les débauchés l'aube blanche et vermeille

Entre en société de l'Idéal rongeur,

Par l'opération d'un mystère vengeur

Dans la brute assoupie un ange se réveille.

Des Cieux Spirituels l'inaccessible azur,

Pour l'homme terrassé qui rêve encore et souffre,

S'ouvre et s'enfonce avec l'attirance du gouffre.

Ainsi, chère Déesse, Etre lucide et pur,

Sur les débris fumeux des stupides orgies

Ton souvenir plus clair, plus rose, plus charmant,

À mes yeux agrandis voltige incessamment.

Le soleil a noirci la flamme des bougies;

Ainsi, toujours vainqueur, ton fantôme est pareil,

Ame resplendissante, à l'immortel soleil! "

Each word, words I have known for so many years, now rang out fresh in my mind, changed in both meaning and sentiment. Was it because the grief was tapering or was it because of Isabella?

"Pay attention to the last two stanzas. In the first he speaks about an awaking, a dawning of a new life for the debauched and how in the company of this Ideal a different person, a better person awakens. Then in the next a sense of unworthiness comes over, 'The inaccessible blue of Spiritual Heavens, for the man thrown to earth who suffer and still dream.' Beyond the obstacles man faces hope remains alive, the idea of something better, however unknown is inspired by this Goddess, _his_ Being."

This poem struck a chord with me, once I would have read it and felt a sense of foolishness for hoping for the Ideal, I had thought I lost that women but now…

As I continued to run through my lesson my eyes fought the urge to lock themselves on a certain brunette, I ignored her but she didn't make it easy on me. When we did catch gazes, before I tore my eyes away she'd lick her lips, bit them, let her finger dance on her neck or give me an innocent look from beneath her lashes. She was torturing me, slowly chipping away at my resolve and she knew it, took pleasure in it. It took much more effort to school my reactions to her than I had thought; every face somehow directed me back, to her face, to her presences.

Eric, Jacques, and Lucas were focused on her, one intent on her lips, the other on her exposed ears and the other on the bit of décolletage displayed between her zipper and neck and while is still angered me, brought out my urge to claim her in front of God and every person in Paris I gave them credit for not leering at her degradingly as Mr. Newton was. Mike was watching her like the sick fuck that he was, licking his lips and shifting in his seat practically undressing her with his eyes.

She was mine to undress!

Jealously coursed through my veins and I startled the class with my over passionate tenor, forcing their gazes back to me for the time being. It seemed that however forceful my words were nothing could keep the male students from watching her, and with the way she looked today I shared, if not completely shouldered their pain.

Her hair was bound up in a messy ponytail exposing her long graceful neck and delectable collar bones, but what got my blood pumping was the jacket she was wearing so well. That little minx, how did a French girl come to love a British football club? I was aware of the heat in my gaze as it settled on her, revering and savoring the blush the spreading over her cheeks but I could do nothing about cooling it.

In an act meant to mimic causality Bella reach up to the tab of her track jacket and lowered the zipper, revealing a hint of that same sheer black material as in my photo as well as the tops of her creamy breasts. Even from where I stood, hard and almost at the edge of my control, I could see her chest rise and fall. She was just as excited as I was.

Thankfully the clock showed me mercy. "I'm having Collette come around with your writing prompts for the week and as soon as you have received them you may go up front and retrieve your papers. See you on Friday and if you have any questions on your grades I will be in my office on Wednesday from nine to four."

Walking discretely over to where Isabella was still sitting, her breathing coming quickly I intended to ask her to meet me in my office under the guise of needing to discuss her paper but I had not noticed Mike standing over her. One look at her face and I could tell she was angry, extremely angry.

I walked back to my desk, even though it pained me to do so, knowing that if I got close enough to know what he was saying I'd beat him to a bloody pulp with a smile. I got sidetracked when a mouse of a girl came up to me demanding to know why she received the grade I gave her. While she shrieked I couldn't think of her name and from the way she was going on and on I figured it would be a bad idea to ask her what it was. She yelled and told me quite vehemently that she deserved and expected better. My grades were final and that was that.

By the time she left me alone Isabella was gone as well as her paper and the other students. Pissed off beyond belief I started packing up, throwing things into my brief case with much more force that necessary and headed over to my office.

I missed my chance to talk to Isabella, I had very little time before I had to be at the book store and spend hours with that seedy man Marcus. I still didn't know how to find Shakespeare and Company and I wasn't sure when I'd get to see her and not be forced to pretend.

It had only been a handful of hours and I missed the feel of her skin, the scent of her hair. I just wanted a little taste, a little morsel to tide me over until dinner. _Now she sounds like food Carlisle_. Perhaps she was…food for the soul, for my soul. Quickly I pulled out my phone to text her.

_Where'd you go? I saw Newton harassing you. Isabella, are you alright? Still on for dinner? Pick you around six? C_

**Fine, just had to get out. Sounds good, see you at six or maybe sooner. **

"You were visibly distracted today. I would be careful if I were you, Carlisle." I sighed, recognizing the voice and her intention to shadow me.

"Dr. Lapointe, how may I help you?"

"Mon Deiu, so very formal, you weren't so formal when we first meet Carlisle. If I recall correctly you—"

"I did nothing and that was a very long time ago, it would be in your best interest to leave it there and it is Dr. Cullen. So once again I ask, _How may I help you?_ "

"That is not the operative question _Dr. Cullen_, rather how may I help you." I arched my brow at the way she said my name, like a serpent hissing distaste.

Jane Lapointe only became increasingly vindictive and sadistic as the years passed and the last thing she wanted to do was help anyone. She seduced men and tossed them aside after she was finished. She was the blonde childlike embodiment of a black widow; she was to be feared and avoided at all costs, this I knew from experience.

"Since when is helping in you nature? I was under the impression that you take delight in watching people drown. You don't fool me for a second, a cold heart doesn't thaw. "

"A bit of advice for you, free of charge." She snapped, anger dripping from her deceiving voice. "Stay away from her or there will be trouble. I know she may look the part of _The Ideal_ but I assure you she is not."

"Am I supposed to know whom you are referring to Jane?" I was losing my patience, and I was not a man found of vague insinuations.

She turned and called back over her shoulder, her voice icy and a lit with mischief. "Oh, Carlisle, I think you know exactly whom I'm referring to. And it wouldn't be the first time you let your dick lead you around…I remember Esme quite well."

She walked out; her heels echoing in the hall like a warning from hell. Slamming my fist on the desk I cursed the women, Fuck Jane Lapointe to the depths of hell. I heard her greet someone with that voice I knew to be reserved only for those she truly hated—a combination of condescending sweetness and evil intent. I hoped it wasn't anyone I knew.

With a quite click of the lock, the scent of Lavender and Jasmine stirred the air and seconds later I felt the gentle caress of those graceful fingers.

"Isabella." I whispered into her hair, breathing her in as she took me into her arms. She was such a comfort to me; she made my life feel new, bright and hopeful.

"That was hard Carlisle." She answered in the same whisper, not wanting or needing to say anything else.

"You made it harder with your little show—that was rather devious of you baby. Do you know how much it turns me one to see you in Liverpool gear? Never will I be able to watch this club play without thinking about you naked."

Toying with the hair at the base of my neck Bella pulled back to look at me. "If you unzip the jacket I have a feeling you'll like what's underneath much better."

"You're going to be the death of me Isabella but I can hardly complain." Headless to the fact that I was at work, I grabbed the tab and pulled.

Zut Alors!

I opened my mouth once, twice, three times in an attempt to speak but nothing came out.

"Two words Dr. Cullen. Unzip me."

* * *

**A/N : Tell me what you guys think. Review, pretty please!**

**Alice is up next and when she gets to talking you need to listen. You'll find out whats the deal with Rose and Emmett and what Alice said to the blonde she devil.**

**Translations :**

***Creusez plus profond, poésie n'est pas unidimensionnel, il est à facettes multiples. Pensez à ceci quand vous écrivez ce document de semaines, maintiennent ceci dans l'esprit aujourd'hui**

***Dig deeper, poetry is not one dimensional, it is multifaceted. Think about this when you write this weeks paper, keep this in mind today.**

**Poem : In french**

**Quand chez les débauchés l'aube blanche et vermeille**

**Entre en société de l'Idéal rongeur,**

**Par l'opération d'un mystère vengeur**

**Dans la brute assoupie un ange se réveille.**

**Des Cieux Spirituels l'inaccessible azur,**

**Pour l'homme terrassé qui rêve encore et souffre,**

**S'ouvre et s'enfonce avec l'attirance du gouffre.**

**Ainsi, chère Déesse, Etre lucide et pur,**

**Sur les débris fumeux des stupides orgies**

**Ton souvenir plus clair, plus rose, plus charmant,**

**À mes yeux agrandis voltige incessamment.**

**Le soleil a noirci la flamme des bougies;**

**Ainsi, toujours vainqueur, ton fantôme est pareil,**

**Ame resplendissante, à l'immortel soleil!**

**Poem : In English**

**When debauchees are roused by the white, rosy dawn,**

**Escorted by the Ideal which gnaws at their hearts**

**Through the action of a mysterious, vengeful law,**

**In the somnolent brute an Angel awakens.**

**The inaccessible blue of Spiritual Heavens,**

**For the man thrown to earth who suffers and still dreams,**

**Opens and yawns with the lure of the abyss.**

**Thus, dear Goddess, Being, lucid and pure,**

**Over the smoking ruins of stupid orgies,**

**Your memory, clearer, more rosy, more charming,**

**Hovers incessantly before my widened eyes.**

**The sunlight has darkened the flame of the candles;**

**Thus, ever triumphant, resplendent soul!**

**Your phantom is like the immortal sun!**


	15. Don't mess with the Pixie

**A/N: As always, you guys are fantastic. I love you you all hard! Thank you to my beta, big hug for you.**

**This is a little trip into the mind and relationship of Alice. Enjoy.**

* * *

APOV

It was Saturday afternoon and I was just staring at the slideshow of a series of San Antonio River walk at dawn on Jasper's website when I heard furious pounding downstairs. Jasper's must be trying to cook normal food again. The thought alone made me throw up in my mouth a little, the last time he cooked I ended up eating take-out left-overs in the middle of the night while Jazz slept.

Cooking was not the boy's strong suit. I looked over at the screen and decided his mad photography skills (and his Fuck Hot body) more than made up for his bean sprout mush he made me eat. Fucking Yuck!

Again I turned my attention back to my computer screen. The website was very simple, clean and classic with his name, Jasper Whitlock Hale, at the top boldly in black, it was impressive and for some reason it made me giddy. He was a professional, a man of art and passion, soul and complexities. I had scrolled through and studied all the pictures in every category on the side bar and holy shit ball there were a lot of photos—everything from Black and White, Sepia, nudes and (Sigh!) fashion shots. My boy was talented.

Again another frantic pound and I decided to go and make sure Jazzy didn't burn down the damn building but what I found was not a cooking disaster.

"Jasper, you didn't see them!"

"Rose, lower your voice and please tell me what you're talking about." Jasper told Rosalie in a very calm tone, one that I never would have been able to pull off in the face of a screaming Rose.

"Carlisle and that slut! You should have seen the way she was hanging all over him, she was practically fucking him in the damn park. I won't have some two bit piece of French trash to just come into his life and mind-fuck him!"

"Stop callin' her names, I've already told you to stop that. It bothers me. Rosalie, what they do is none of your business—"

"Like hell it is! That little whore fucks him and now he lets her just be around Jackson and Nikki like she's family. And Emmett, you should have seen the way he was acting around her…like she belongs with us. Carlisle lets his cock lead him around without even thinking about what could happen, he's done this before and I won't let him do it again! I know Esme was our cousin but she broke him. She killed herself and killed him right along with her…he shouldn't forget that because of some piece of ass, I'm—"

"Oh, Rose, what did you do?"

"I reminded him!"

"How could you do that? You know about the panic attacks, how could you do that to him? Rose, what were you thinking?"

"He's fine, Emmett talked to him but you should have seen how his little slut yelled at me—like she even fucking matters to HIM! The things they say about that slut Jazz, if you knew that things I've heard you wouldn't defend her."

"Excuse, Me! But who the fuck do you think you are?" For some reason I had been in shock before but I wasn't in shock anymore. I had witnessed her be cold with Bella, even rude but this was out of line. What happened between Bella and Carlisle had nothing to do with her; it was none of her business. She insulted Bella and as far as I was concerned she insulted me.

In a move that I can only describe as movie slow-mo, Rosalie turned around to face me in utter shock. Her expression screamed How dare you speak to me like that? Oh yeah, the fucking gloves were off. Who the hell did this blonde bitch think she was? She had no right to talk about Bella that way, even if there had been any truth to her words I still would have chewed her out.

"Jasper, keep your booster seat quiet, this is a family issue and it has nothing to do with her."

Jasper's face flushed with anger but before he could say anything I walked over to her, headless to the fact that she towered over me, and got right in her face. Bitch didn't scare me; she had no fucking clue who she was dealing with! "First of all, I have a name and second Bella happens to be my family and no one, I repeat no one talks about my Bella that way!

"Maybe you think that because Carlisle relies on you so much that that entitles you to judge who he decides to have in his life or not, but he is a grown fucking man and he can be with whomever he wants. I don't knowing anything about this Esme but if she hurt him as badly as you say, why would you torture him that way—I knew you could be a bitch but sadistic? You should be ashamed of yourself for making him feel unnecessary pain! As far as I know he has done nothing but love you and your family when really, he has no obligation to please the likes of YOU!

"And Bella, not whore or French slut but BELLA, means a lot to that man and she does not deserve to be screamed at while she's spending time with him! I could sit here and scream at you for hours and hours about how much of a slut she isn't but that would be a waste of time."

She moved to cut me off but I held up my hand, refusing to give her even the smallest inch. "Did I say I was done speaking? No, I did not! Now, I have a pretty good idea of what you said to remind him and I have a pretty good idea of what you said to Isabella and I swear to you Rosalie Fucking Hale, I will cut the shit out of you if you ever come near my friend with your catty remarks and fake ass nails. Jasper's sister or not, I stand with Bella and I will not hesitate to drag you off your beauty pageant pedestal by your hair!"

I left her standing in the hallway slamming my door with as much force as I could muster. Never have I been so enraged in my life! My anger melted to concern, Bella's painting on my wall reminded me that if I was this angry then Bella must be on fire. Quickly I texted Bella but she didn't reply so I called her but was meet with her sweet voice telling me _Je suis indisponible, laisse un message_. I hate leaving messages.

But I left them for my Ducky.

"Bella, honey, please pick up the phone I need to talk to you. I love you ducky and I'll see you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone just as I felt Jasper take me into his arms, giving my cheeks the sweetest kisses. God, how I love this man! Yet I insulted his sister, he couldn't be too happy about that.

"I'm sorry for yelling at your sister but Bella is my sister and—" He stopped me with one finger pressed to my lips.

"Ali, you have nothin' to apologize to me about. Bella is you family, and Carlisle is mine and at the moment I'm pretty steamed about the why she's actin'. I'm ashamed right this second that she would put Carlisle in that position and demean Bella like that. I'm sorry for how my sister treated your sister."

I smiled and kissed him on his pouty lips, he is such a sweet man." You forgive me?"

"Jazz, there's nothing to forgive but thank you for being my sexy cowboy."

"What am I goin' to do with you?"

I smirked at him, playing whit his curly blonde hair. "I can think of tons of things!"

xXXx

"Wakey wakey…eggs and bakey, Jazzy! It's Monday, no class and no work and I have Palmiers and coffee!" I announced, knocking on his door careless of the time or even if the harpy bitch was sleeping or not. I smiled my wicked pixie smile and I knocked a bit harder than necessary, hoping to wake her up.

Did the devil sleep?

My smile faltered the second the door opened and a very different blonde was standing in my way. "Oh, look its Rosalie. What? Lucifer doesn't need his minions to clock in until nine?"

"That was quite cleaver Mary Alice, did you think of that all by yourself or did you get help from your bitch twin?" She sneered, refusing to let me pass.

"Well, Rosalie, you would know all about a bitch twin, wouldn't you? Please move aside, as much fun as chatting with you is, I've had enough of it for one weekend and I'd rather be with Jasper."

"Don't think that simply because you're sucking off my brother that I'll just forget everything you've said to me."

Anger rose from the tips of my toes to the tips of my hair. How dare she reduce what Jazz and I had to something so frivolous?

"I'm not just your brother's fuck buddy, but I don't expect you to understand that." I snapped at her, completely grateful that my heels put me at eye level with her, well sort of. "I wouldn't dream of you forgetting anything I said to you. I want you to remember all of it because you deserved everything I told you last night and the one before! Because they're your family you can treat them like crap, insult them, that they'll give you but I won't. You are spiteful, controlling and you are scared that Carlisle won't need you anymore. Your little "I hate Bella" tirade has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you and your own problems. If you love Carlisle at all you'd want him to be happy. Bella, makes him happy, he may not know it yet, but that man loves her and what you did was uncalled for, not to mention harmful to Carlisle. You think you hurt Bella; you did, but at Carlisle's expense. Do you just sacrifice your loved ones like that? You did it to protect him, Ha! That's exactly what I would do, remind the man about one of the most traumatic experiences in his life in order to keep him safe. You're fucking out of your mind!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do, you're too blinded to see what's there."

"No, I'm not. Carlisle isn't in love with her, he never can be. You're busy picturing them married and reproducing little babies but you're too idealistic and idiotic to see the truth. Carlisle thinks he killed Esme—that he should've have been able to save her and Edward. You don't know him, he's the type of person that needs to fix things and he ever since those pictures came out he's taken her on as his pet "let's fix the sad girl" project. And Isabella she has her own fucking problems, she turned her boyfriend gay, her own friends aren't loyal to her, Renee left her like a used rag and Charlie still loves that women. Bella and Carlisle, getting married and having babies! Come on, that's the most absurd, delusional thing I've ever heard. Bella, what does she know about being a mother? Nothing, because he didn't have one, sure her grandfather's name carries some weight but hers is just a joke. Swan—a weak father too blinded by a whore to defend himself and a whore daughter to stupid to realize that everyone is waiting for her to fail—like I said, joke."

"You know nothing about Bella, nothing about Charlie and nothing about how Carlisle feels. It's amazing to me how you can deny where his heart lies even after the way he spoke to you last night. Not only was it enough to injure one man you claim to love like a brother but to walk out on Emmett and your babies—"

"You little midget bit—"

"Let her in and go to work Rose, I'm tired of this shit already." Jasper told her, appealing behind her, his tone cold and terse. I really hadn't expected him to react any different considering everything that has been going on.

"So am I, baby brother, so am I." Rose moved out of the way, flipping her bottle blonde hair over her shoulder as her brown YSL croc embossed pumps clicked against the parquet floor.

What? She may be the evil twin but the women's shoes were divine!

Jazz gave me a chaste kiss, stepping aside and taking the tray in my hands and setting it down in the kitchen. I followed him quietly, studying his face while he thought I wasn't paying attention. Silly man, didn't he know I was always paying attention. His hair was a mess and his eyes looked so tired, but behind the fatigue there was something else. It wasn't bad, but it was serious.

"Jazz, are you okay baby?" He nodded, smiled softly and left the kitchen.

I turned my attention to the Palmiers and the thermos of coffee, serving two plates and two cups for us, knowing that he was fine; Jazz never keeps his feelings hidden. I eyed the green concoction in the blender, debated tossing it down the drain but then Jasper would only have to make more, and then he'd offer me some. My stomach rolled at the thought. Giving the wheatgrass the stink eye, I turned towards the tiny balcony and tried like hell to tune them out, but being polite is very difficult when you really want to know what's being said.

Their voices were hushed but I could imagine what they were discussing.

I hadn't known Jasper for very long and while I knew that he was a very soulful and compassionate man I had never seen him as upset, pained, enraged and conflicted as I saw him last night.

The moment I saw I Emmett's huge frame in Charlie's doorway I knew something had gone terribly wrong and only one person was to blame, Rosalie. When she had been ranting on Jaspers welcome mat she didn't mention anything about the harm she had done to her own husband, she said nothing about why she was there across town when she belonged in Montmartre with her kids and Emmett.

She was just firing on all cylinders, and her weekend schedule was all filled in. It was sick and I found myself wondering on the ride back home how I could have thought for one moment that she was friend material.

I chalk it up to Chanel lust…it always clouds my judgment. How do you think Bella's hot snarky Brit neighbor made his way into my bed? A Chanel Grey charcoal suit and a smirk.

When I got home, I found Carlisle pacing in my living room with his hands in his pockets and Jasper grasping the neck of England's Gold. Both their eyes shot up when they noticed me standing there, Jazzy smiled sadly but Carlisle surprised me by rushing over and clutching me to his chest thanking me over and over for defending my friend, for giving Rosalie a piece of my mind and for defending him.

"Thank you Alice, thank you. You hardly know me and yet you put yourself out there for me. I know you would do just about anything for Bella but…for me, you didn't have to but… you did. Thank you, you have no idea what that means to me."

"Carlisle, I was happy to do it. You don't deserve to be treated that way, especially by family." He let go of me and simply smiled. Instantly I could see how Bella could fall in love so quickly with this man. He was so adorable!

"Ali, what's wrong? You weren't supposed to be back until late?" Jasper asked, concern and curiosity coloring his voice. Walking over to him on the couch and sitting in his lap I asked him if Rose had told him anything about why exactly she was staying with him and not at home. "No, darlin' after you two had your little dust up she told me she was sleepin' in my room. Why baby, what's got your face all lookin' like that?"

I looked over at Carlisle, standing all alone where I had left him. He was looking at us with a wistfully sad smile, rubbing his chest with his palm almost as if he thought that tiny motion would dislodge the feeling he was having.

No my dear Carly, not chest pain…you miss your Ducky.

He shook his head a bit and checked his phone but when he looked back up at us he was frowning. I smiled at him with sympathy. I knew Bella wasn't texting him back, she was scared of him leaving her, of him walking away without a second thought, without him loving her, because she was already so much in love with the man.

She deserved it.

All the years I've known Bella, she never really had the love she deserved. Charlie loved her very much and he's a good father, but not great. Most of his love for Bella is tightly wrapped around the notion that she is a gift from Renee, a gift Renee allowed him to have. And while Aro might have showered her with affection and lavish gifts, the man always saw her as a second chance to do right, a second chance at parenting. She didn't have the love Carlisle could give her.

I had done my part, I talked to her but the girl wasn't as optimistic, she needed reassurance. Only Carlisle could give her that.

"Ali?" Jasper's warm tone and tender fingers brought me back into the room.

"Sorry Jazz, I was just thinkin' about something," he raised his eyebrows in question but I waved him off. "I'll talk to you about it later but I just came over from Charlie's house and well…Emmett and the twins were there—"

"That doesn't seem out of the ordinary Alice. Emmett seems to have quite a lot in common with Charlie. From what Emm says they spend a fair amount of time with each other." Carlisle interrupted me, glancing back and forth from me to his cell phone.

Poor Man, his heart is already as deep as Bella's is and he has no clue.

Men are so obtuse!

"Carly, what I was about to say was that he looked absolutely miserable. I mean I don't know the guy like you two do but I'm willing to wager that the whole inner-pain-I-want-to-slit-my-wrist vibe he was giving off this afternoon is not his usual demeanor. I was going to stay and have dinner with Bells and Charlie but I just had a feeling something was really wrong. I'm worried about the guy."

They both gave me sour looks and headed off down stairs.

Out of the blue I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist and the lips of my cowboy on my neck, his breath washing over me with each word. "I'm not sleeping without you ever again Darlin', ever."

"Humm, I hope not Jasper. My bed was very lonely without you," I turned around, slipping my arms around his neck. "Remind me why we didn't sleep together last night?"

"Rose." I gave him a sour look and mumbled something about her being able to take care of herself.

"She's my sister and something's going with her, she loves Emmett and those twins more than anything. I should know what it is, we're fucking twins. I'm supposed to know what's going with her."

"You're her brother Jazz, not a physic. You're not supposed to know everything she feels or doesn't feel. Just the fact that you know that something is going on makes you a great brother. Whatever is wrong with her, she'll tell when she ready."

He chuckled and nuzzled into my neck. "I reckon she will, but you have no idea how tough it is to be a good brother when she acts the way she acts."

I snorted indigently, rubbing his shoulders. "Let me guess, she ordered you to sleep on the couch again." He nodded and placed yet another kiss on my neck while his hands drifted from my waist to my back. "Your back hurts doesn't it? I can't believe she made you sleep on the couch, doesn't she know how easily that couch can aggravate your back?"

He shrugged like it was nothing but it was, he had a preexisting back injury and it was a big fucking deal! When you hurt back you need to take extra care of it. Without noticing I started applying more pressure on his tender shoulders. "That feels nice Ali."

Oh, I know that voice! I could feel his hard cock against my belly, growing firmer and firmer with each breath. Whether it was a conscious action or merely a reaction to having my hand on him I don't know but I liked it, loved it, very much. Jasper started pressing himself closer to me, not in the way most men do when they need a fuck but in a way that made me sigh with pleasure. He didn't just want sex; he wanted intimacy, a closeness that overcame the two of us while we were joined.

"I missed more than just sleeping next to you. It's been a weird couple of days and I miss you and me—without the drama. I want you, Ali. I just want it to be us again."

Sometimes it took me by surprise just how deeply he could feel things, his words are always spoken with such fever, such passion. Men weren't usually this in touch with their feelings, most were quite emotionally stunted. His simple desire rolled off him in waves, affecting me to the point where I couldn't even focus on the fact that we were outside, on his balcony, where anyone could see us. It surprised me that I didn't care.

I wanted him now, regardless.

I slid my hands from his hair down his back and to the front of his pants, rubbing and cupping him through his sleep plants, intent on letting him know exactly where my mind was. He let out a gruff moan that never ceased to make me wet and pulled me closer to him.

"Ali, please."

The door slammed hard startling us both and I realized that Rose had been here the entire time. If that wasn't a mood killer I don't know what is.

I pulled my hand away from Jazzy Jr. and kissed him lightly on cheek. "Ali, please. I want you. Rose is gone now."

"I know, I want you too, but the mood was somewhat ruined by your cock blocking sister. How bout we eat breakfast and then I'll give you a full body massage, work out all the couch kinks? I have nothing but time for you, baby and my hands work magic on sore back muscles."

Pulling back to take a good look at my face and then the Palmiers then back at me Jasper smirked and squeezed my hips. "Not that type of massage you pervert."

"Alright, Alright, but this shit keeps happening to us…I'm getting sick of being interrupted. Breakfast it is. You're changin' me and I think I like it, little lady. With those cinnamon things sitting there I can't even think about the wheatgrass."

It was a good thing because that green shit made me want to vomit and there was no way I was letting him kiss me after he drank his usual breakfast. As unpleasant as it was stepping out of his arms I did and sat myself down on his mismatched outdoor furniture.

"This looks really good. You don't mess around do you Ali?"

Food, nobody messes with me and my meals. People think that because I'm skinny I neglect to eat or follow in my mom's vomiting footstep and purge all my food but that couldn't be further from the truth.

"No, I don't mess around with anything really. Go big or go home, I always say. I hoped you like these I had to steal them from Charlie yesterday." I smiled and winked at him before taking a bite of my breakfast and moaned. Heaven!

Normally Bella made savory basil and mushroom Palmiers but her cinnamon and white sugar Palmiers were heaven—the perfect balance of sweetness and buttery French pastry. It didn't matter that each time I ate one it ended up on my expensive shirt, nope, all that mattered was that I had one Palmier in my mouth and I knew where to find the next one. I had told Bella many times that her cooking was enough to make anyone cum, instantly. It was like the Meg Ryan Deli effect, one bite and bam Ohhh Oohh Oh my God! Of course things got kind of awkward whenever we ate with Charlie.

We'd both blush like school girls, well, Bella always blushed like a damn school girl.

I must have eaten four of Bella's baked pockets of love before I looked up to find Jazzy watching me with an odd mixture of awe and lust. "What? Never seen a girl enjoy her fucking baked goods before Jazzy?"

"Yeah, I've seen a girl enjoy a baked good before but never have I seen one partially orgasm while eatin' them before. Fuck Ali! It is crazy that I'm turned on by how much you can put away in the tiny body of yours, because if it is, then I'm crazy."

"It's not crazy, Jazzy. That's why we're perfect for each other."

His eyes darkened and that serious expression washed over him. What are you thinking sexy man? I watched as Jasper got up with extreme grace and cleared the table of the remaining morsels of our breakfast. When he came back, his eyes were dark with lust and every muscle in his athletic body was taut and straining.

Without saying a word, Jasper held out his hand to me in an offer to follow him and I did just that. The look in his blue eyes when I place my hand in his was beautiful, pure and utter adoration that I had never seen before in a man's eyes. He led me to his bedroom but unlike I expected he did not take me in his arms and fall back on the bed like he had done so many times before. Instead he walked over to his windows and threw them open letting the morning air saturate the room, the rich scents of bread and coffee and cigarette smoke blended together, hanging in the air like a sensual promise of what was to come.

Sex between the two of us was always explosive, but somehow I had a feeling this time would be different, that it would mean more. I could feel my heart pounding forcefully in my chest as he stood with his back to me and his hands on the railing.

Hello Jazzy, the view is over here!

"Jasper?" I questioned him in a voice that did nothing to conceal my utter desire for him. Jasper moaned in agreement to my need. When he turned to face me I found the most peaceful expression on his face, his naturally pouted lips were relaxed and smiling softly.

"Alice," he began softly, "I've never been with anyone like you. Never have I been so sure that there was nothing left out there for me until just last night. Through all of this…Carlisle, Bella, Rosalie, Emmett…you've protected my family, you've never once asked anythin' of me, never asked me to pick you over them where other women would have. You have your problems with my sister but my tempter got too high last night and you stopped me. When you could have easily let me say somethin' hurtful you restrained me. Carlisle may not have notice what he did last night but when we were speakin' he made me realize that…Alice I love you more than anything in this entire world. No, please, let me finish Ali."

I nodded slowly, tears welling up in my eyes. "I will only ever want you. For the rest of my life Alice, I want to spend it with you by my side—moaning at the taste of food, saying exactly what comes into that mind of yours and making predictions no other person could ever believe. I believe in you, I trust in you and if I have to wait for whenever you feel comfortable enough to tell Bella about us, I will. It is too soon to ask you to marry me but I will marry you one day Alice, as long as you'll have me."

I sat on the bed speechless. I kept my eyes on him but the words would not come out, I had not been expecting such a declaration but I welcomed it. No man had ever loved me and I pretty sure I had never loved anyone before Jasper and the mere fact that he had said everything I had ever wanted to hear overwhelmed me with a sense of joy no amount of shopping could ever reproduce. My feelings matched his in every way but a small part of me whispered that it was all too good to be true.

Jasper came to kneel in front of me and took my hands in his—it was then that I noticed the frantic expression on his handsome face. "I didn't mean to spring that on you but Carlisle just made me think last night and I had to tell you. You don't need to say anything."

"No Jasper, I…I'm surprised but happy. I feel the same about you. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. "

"I'm glad to be the first and last one."

With that, he captured my lips, kissing me with every ounce of passion stores in his body. Standing up Jasper broke our kiss to pull his shirt off as I watched him, licking my lips at each inch of golden skin exposed. From my place on the bed, I traced his body knowing that he was mine body, spirit, heart, and mind. His toned stomach quivered beneath my lips as I moved to kiss him everywhere. When he asked me to stop and lay down, I simply smiled up at him and did as he asked knowing that he wanted to do the same to me.

With a satisfied smirk, he lifted one leg and rested it on his shoulder as he carefully rid me of my heel, setting it down gently. Oh, even in a lustful haze he's taking care of my shoes! He did the same to the other foot, kissing my leg and whispering his love for me. His lips on my skin sent shivers up and down spine.

Jasper slowly unbuttoned my shirtdress, caressing each inch reveled to him. With the same reverence, he unhooked my bra and slid my panties off my body, leaving me naked on his bed, bare and ready for him. Before I could shiver in the cool air his hand were on me, cupping my aching breasts, bathing my skin with his warm tongue.

I cried out when his naked knee came to rest between my legs putting the most intense amount of pressure on my wet pussy. I had no idea when he took off his pants but I was grateful for it because there, hot and swollen, was his cock. It was beautiful, long and smooth, curving up in just the right angle. Arching into his touch, I reached out and wrapped my fingers around him, stroking him as he was stroked me.

"Alice, please." I looked up into the blazing eyes of my lover and nodded. It was all he needed, the only answer he ever needed to his simple requests.

Passionately taking my lips Jasper slid into me, inch by wonderful inch, until he was in to the hilt—I had never been so full in my life and it was magnificent. Resting his head on my shoulder I felt him take a deep breath while he savored the moment of us being joined. Running my finger through his curls I let out a contented sigh, "Jazz, I never get tired of this."

He agreed, his hips sliding away from me only to push back before I could feel the loss of him. Over and over he filled me never lifting his body more than a few inches from mine, preferring to stay as close and as connected as possible. I urged him let me feel him, let me feel his weight and I swear I almost fainted when he gave me what I wanted.

"Jasper," I whispered, his name was all I could get out. His powerful thrusts knocked any words from my lips.

Pulling away from the cradle of my neck he looked deep into my eyes and pushed deeper, grinding his body sensually into mine, physically telling me with his body that he loved me and his words were true. It became too much, the sensation of him completely possessing me, the weight of his words moment before, my body bowed and broke under the intense pleasure he ignited in me and I came, shaking and panting his name with him deeply buried inside. Nothing compares to an orgasm given to you by a man you love, nothing!

"I adore you, Ali." Seconds later Jasper plunged into me, buried his face in my neck and came with a guttural moan.

We laid there in bed for a while before we both decided we should shower. The shower took longer than I had anticipated because Jasper insisted on joining me and well, his shower wall and my back got aquatinted.

"Jasper…what is this?" I asked from his living room, examining the book on the coffee Jasper didn't strike me as the type to read French books, the man barely knew how to order coffee in French.

He came into the room while slipping on his t-shirt and it was very difficult to concentrate on what I had asked him with his pants hanging off his hips so tauntingly. Was he wearing boxers? I sure as hell didn't see any proof to contradict the fact that my sweetie was going commando. Holy Hell, Alexander Mc-Fucking-Queen!

"Oh, that's Carlisle's book," he answered while he put on his socks and shoes, completely oblivious to the fact that I was eye-fucking him a minute ago.

The jeans were sexy but the shirt? Oh, jasper no. "Stick a pin in Carlisle's book and please tell me what on earth you are wearing?"

He looked down at his dark jeans; combat boots and t-shirt then back up at me, "What is wrong with what I'm wearing, I love this shirt. This is a Vintage Twin Lens Reflex Camera from the 1870's. I got one of these for my birthday when I was like seventeen and Carlisle bought this shirt to me when the real one broke years later. What is wrong with this shirt?"

It was hard to fight the smirk that wanted to break free; he looked like a little boy who was just told that his favorite marble was lost forever. It was too cute so I decided to let it go, this time. Vintage, I could do vintage…I guess. "Nothing Jazzy, nothing. You look good baby. You were saying, Carlisle's book. I'm intrigued."

"Yup he wrote a book, a damn good one too. It's pretty dark—do you really want to know about this?" He asked lying down on the couch with his head in my lap.

"Yes I want to know! The man is nailing my best friend on kitchen islands and pretty much in love with her and I don't know much about him."

"Ali, the man is like my brother; please stop talking about how and where he takes Bella." I rolled my eyes but agreed. "What do you want to know about him?"

"Tell me about this book of his, did he always want t be a professor? I can just picture him looking all nerdy and hot with his little glasses and books in high school. "

"You think he's hot? That's just wrong Alice."

"You're just going to have to live with the fact that Carlisle is a very sexy man."

"I don't know how I feel about that…it's a kinda of odd to hear you say that." I smiled and started playing with his hair, waiting for him to go on. "He didn't always want t be a professor, when I met him he wanted to be a doctor. He even spent a summer with us in Texas interning at a hospital but after he lost Edward and Esme he decided that it wasn't what he wanted. He's always been an extremely caring and compassionate person, he would have made a great doctor, but I think Literature suits him. He thrives in this field. I don't know how he found Baudelaire but he did and after it was all gothic literature and dark poems for Carlisle."

"Bella loves Baudelaire; personally I don't like him—too maudlin."

"Well, Carlisle's book is pretty maudlin as well."

"What's it about?"

He shifted, reaching for the book and flipped through it. "You really want to know?" I nodded enthusiastically. "It's about a young man who loses his everything, wife, child, father and faith in a house fire. He takes off, sailing from here to there, drifting out on the open ocean. He ends up in France, moves to a tiny apartment in Paris and begins to heal himself, he finds God again in the Metro station playing music. He even thinks he finds love again but it's superficial, the woman doesn't want anything more from him than sex and he is looking for one person, his ideal. He never gives up hope for his ideal, never settling for anything less. He doesn't know exactly what he is looking for but he knows what he doesn't want. One day he meets a girl, Emilia, at a coffee shop and thinks he's fallen in love, they start a relationship and the girl falls madly in love with him but he isn't sure so…one day he just walks away from her. She drowns herself in the seine, leaving Will—the man—with a lot of guilt. Years pass and he relocates to a crumbling house in some seaside town in the South of France; he writes, reads, sails, cooks food and makes great friends with his neighbor, a beautiful young woman named Cythera."

"Does it have a happy ending?" He shook his head sadly, stroking my arm softly. "Why?"

"Carlisle took a somewhat romantically realistic approach in this book; life doesn't always end happy Ali. You don't always get what you're looking for and sometimes what you're looking for is right under your nose and you're just too blind to see it. Will never realizes that his ideal is France herself not a women."

I took the book and examined the cover, purposely avoiding his piercing gaze. "Jasper?"

"Yeah, Ali…"

"Do you think Carlisle is like Will? I mean, do you think he's too blind to see that his ideal when she's right in front of him. "

"He can be like Will, I think he wrote Will as a version of himself, but Carlisle had grown a lot since he wrote that book. I believe he wrote it the year after he lost Esme, not exactly the best moments of his life."

"But you don't think Rose is right about him not being able to love Bella, do you?"

"No, not at all, I don't believe it. Funny, she wanted him to find someone and now that he has, it's like she doesn't want him to move past that point in his life, almost like she doesn't want him to heal. He's different now, even after such a short amount of time, Bella's changed him. He's feeling things he hasn't let himself feel in a very long time. Ali, you have nothin' to worry about, Bella's safe with him. Why do you ask, you seemed really sure of his feelings last night?"

"Bella loves him."

He rolled his eyes at me as if I as saying something that was common knowledge. "Yeah, I know that."

"No, you don't. She loves him, she didn't love Jacob. I could tell, she wanted to, but she never did. She loves Carlisle, so much. I've never that look in her eyes before."

"They'll be okay, darlin. You can't do any more than you already have; it's not in your hand anymore. You gotta let them sort it out for themselves."

"But—"

"No medlin'."

"It's not meddling if it helps the people you love."

We were silent for a while before he mentioned Carlisle book signing, I was excited to go. Bella had dragged me to Shakespeare and Company enough times to inspire some love for the places and the thought of getting to hear Carlisle read some of his words was very exciting.

We walked hand in hand to the bookstore, enjoying the cool spring time weather and the city around us. The entire way I sensed Jasper was finding inspiration, itching to capture new sights. His fingers mimicked the clicking motion he made when his camera was in his hands. I laughed openly at him, that one action reminded me of Bella's painting twitch.

"You're so cute Jazz. Why didn't you bring your camera, I thought you took that thing everywhere?"

"You distracted me, how do you expect me to think about my camera when you look so good."

"You're such a sweet talker."

When we got to the bookstore, it was packed like a damn Italian sausage. Chairs and people were crowded around every nook and cranny, chatting, waiting, gripping on to his book like a lifeline. To think these people didn't even know how fuck-sexy Carlisle was! It was a very good turn out and I loved the idea that maybe Carlisle would see just how well he could do in Paris. If he saw what life could offer him here then he would stay. I hopped up and down and clapped my hands at the idea fully expecting Jasper to smile and kiss my cheek but when I look over at him all I saw was a seriously pissed Texan.

You don't mess with a pissed Texan!

"Ali, isn't that big fucker Jacob?"

I spun around, scanning the people until my eye zeroed in on Jacob's bitch ass face. He hadn't changed since I last saw him, same long greasy hair, same dark skin and witch black eyes. How I hated this man!

He was looking intently at someone, planning and scheming like the little prick that he was. I couldn't have been more than a few meters away from the bastard so before Jasper could stop me I marched over to him.

"Well well, if it isn't the epic Douche himself." Our eyes locked but no fear registered in his face—he knew to fear me—instead there was an evil glint in his eyes and sardonic little twist in his smirk. "What are you up to now, you evil fucker?"

"Alice…does _Bella_ know you're here with that guy? Should I go tell her?"

* * *

**A/N: Leave me love, you sexy people.**


	16. Vérité

**A/N: Hello Again!**

**So, I want to thank everyone for reading, alerting, faving, reviewing...I love it! I also want to thank my beta, ****xoxocullenluverxoxo****, for being awesome and super quick with the edits.**

**I own nothing, Twilight belongs to SM as do these character, but I do own several pictures of Dr. Carlisle Cullen.**

_**LittleInfatuations**_**, I'm more than happy to fuel the fire! **

_**Doidazzleu11**_**, I believe in happy endings but it won't be easy and Twin boys? Nice idea, will they look like Carlisle or Bella...perhaps one of both. **

_**Babe Pryor**_**, yes, Rose is miserable and she gets a bit worse in this chapter. Jake...ah, Jake, yes he's bi! It was just too fun to pass up. **

**Intense Stare****, I'm glad you liked the chapter. **

_**Crystal Mcalpin**_**, should I have Ali tell some of the story more often?**

_**X,**_** same question as Crystal Mcalpin. **

_**OpiumCakes,**_**Alice and Japser are super cute together and I love it when they're fluffy too.**

**Ok enough of that...enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

BPOV

"Won't you stay Isabella?" He asked, kissing me fiercely, pushing me against the shelves of books. "Please, I want you here. This is important to me."

"I know it is and I want to…"

He being was quite persuasive, grinding me with purpose against his thigh while his lips captured mine. I tried to stifle the moan he pulled from me, but it was useless. He tasted like apples, coffee, and cloves, and eager to taste more, I slipped my tongue into his mouth to stroke his. He groaned clutching at my hips passionately. If I wasn't worked up enough after those few minutes in his office, I sure as hell was now.

Did the man have to use all his sexuality to get me to bend to his will?

"Bella, please…you drive me crazy and I don't want to be away from you right now. I'll look; I promise I won't touch. I can keep my hands off the forbidden fruit for a couple of hours. Just a little taste…" I knew we were well hidden but someone, anyone could see us, then, disaster. Perhaps I was being paranoid but I felt like a Goldfish. The sensation of eyes watching prickled throughout my body and it was better to err on the side of caution—which was very difficult to think about with him rubbing himself against me. "Please stay."

I pulled away from his talented mouth reluctantly. "I want to Carlisle but…I'm not sure it's a good idea."

He sighed exaggeratedly and pouted but agreed that we needed to be careful, especially in light of Dr. Lapointe's sudden interest in his affairs. Ouch! wrong choice of words. I had no idea just how well Jane knew Carlisle, but I had the feeling it was more than just a scholarly acquaintance by the way she purred his name in the hall. I hated to think that she had touched him, or worse, that he had touched her.

"Are we still on for dinner…or would that be a bad idea as well?"

"I know some pretty out of the ways places but…" Running my fingers through his gorgeous soft hair, I offered something to assuage my absence from his book signing, "Why don't we forget going out to dinner and I'll make you dinner and then maybe we can have _dessert_."

"That sounds amazing Bella." He groaned and rested his head on my shoulder.

"You like the idea of me cooking for you or is it the prospects of dessert that's amazing?" I asked trying not to laugh at his tortured expression. He was just so adorable.

"God, yes! Dinner, dessert, you on top of me! I should have just taken you on the bloody desk like I wanted to—the memory of your breasts quivering above those little cups…and the little gold zipper…how am I going to concentrate. Zippers, I love unzipping you, it's like unwrapping the best gift." He growled, low in my ear, "God what are you doing to me? I want you, now, was this part of your plan when got dressed this morning?" I couldn't help but moan at his words and the friction of his muscled thigh between my legs.

I shook my head, "What was your plan Isabella?"

"Punishment for being a bad girl Dr. Cullen…" The grunt rumbling in his chest sent a rush of pleasure to my aching core. Sex on his desk would have been wonderful, perhaps a spanking for teasing him all morning with the texts and the cleavage I flashed the man while he lectured.

_I wonder what getting excited about a spanking says about you Bella._

I wasn't sure I cared what it said about me, as long as his hands were on my ass; all was right in the world.

"Humm…punishment comes in all forms Isabella, which would you prefer?"

With those husky lust ridden words my mind went blank to anything other than Carlisle, his beautiful blue eyes and the promise of what he would give me. My skin flushed and yearned for his touch, my sex was more than just a little wet. It was embarrassingly soaked. As soon as I opened my mouth Marcus cleared his throat, rudely interrupting me.

Fuck my life! First with his phone call and now...

"Mr. Cullen, it's time." I shot Marcus an evil look but he seemed to not mind. "It's time to begin, if you could pull away for Isabella for a few minutes that would be very 'elpful."

Carlisle nodded and licked my neck before kissing my ear. "See you at six, beautiful girl."

"Good Luck, Carlisle…I lo—I'll see you at six." Stupid, you almost said it!

He smiled brightly kissed me once more and left me.

I watched as Carlisle walked away from me and over to George Whitman, the founder and figure head of this wonderful tavern of books. I smiled at George who waved affectingly at me. The man and I had become fast friends when I was still a child and he never forgot to let me know when new books came in and the conversations I had with him were among the best conversations in my life. Marcus followed Carlisle after discussing some business with me but he kept looking back at me with a scowl. What crawled up he ass I couldn't begin to tell you. I mouthed _Be nice_, but by the look on his face being civil was the last thing on his mind.

I left right before Carlisle stood up to read a excerpt from his book, as much as I longed to hear _his_ voice reading _his _words I decided it was best this way. What if another picture was taken? What if they recognized him from the Churchill photos? Things could get hairy if we weren't careful.

Again, as I drove away I felt like I was being watched. It did not feel pleasant in any way but I decided not to dwell on it, I had dinner plans with a very sexy man and I was not going to spend it worrying about the outside world. Once I parked outside Marché Mouffetard my phone started singing Lady Gaga from the bottom of my bag and I knew it could only be one person calling me.

_Walk, walk fashion baby_

_Work it_

_Move that bitch crazy_

I searched for my phone but I couldn't reach it, for the hundredth time I questioned why I carried so much crap with me. Thank God, Alice didn't mind waiting for me to answer.

_Walk, walk fashion baby_

_Work it_

_Move that bitch crazy_

"Hello, my love! Did Carlisle like the Debbie panty set? I've been dying to hear about operation _DeskSex_!"

"He love the set but operation _DeskSex_ was a no go. Marcus called him to give him directions to S&C before either of us could fully enjoy it...never have I been so pissed at a phone for ringing. You want to go food shopping with me?"

"That sucks major balls but there's always tonight right? Have you ever known me to turn down shopping of any kind, HELL YES!" Her scream was so loud I actually had to pull away from the phone. I'm sure she did major auditory damage. "I'm close…I'll be there in minutes."

"Wait, what are you doing close to Marche Mouffetard, I thought you had work in the tenth arrondisment today? You know there are no major designers in the area, right?"

"I decided to take the day off and YES, I know that BELLLLAA!"

_Took the day off_? Alice never took a day off out of the blue. Never. Vacation time from designing was always forced on her and scheduled ahead of time.

"Okay, whatever you say. Meet me in front of the Savon shop, then we'll head over to St. Medard maybe even Pascal Gosnet." She agreed happily, exclaiming that she wanted to get some really good soaps and chocolates. I didn't know how chocolates came into the picture, but that was Alice. The girl was a whore for chocolate.

Just as I was about to turn around and shop for some veggies before Alice showed up I crashed into someone, hard. Why was my inherent klutz making a comeback _now_? I apologized profusely, bending down to help the women gather up her scattered belongings. She murmured a small _merci_ and began tossing things into her purse. And when she looked up at me, I felt my face pale. Much to my horror the women was none other than Rosalie, only she didn't look like the Rosalie I was used to.

Her hair was a windblown mess, wavy and hanging around her ashen face. Her normally bright blue eyes were red rimmed and watering. She looked like she had been crying but surprisingly enough I actually felt sympathy towards her.

"Thank you for helping Isabella, I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't."

"I…I bumped into you, it was the least I could do." I watched as she stood, whipping her knees and smoothing her skintight dress down. She looked like the very picture of style and class yet, something in her eyes seemed troubled, pained. "Are you…are you alright, Rosalie?"

She shook her head softly, "No, I'm not. I…I wish I could be happy for you and Carlisle but I can't and I'm sorry…I don't know what wrong with me. I see it ending badly and I can't change that, Isabella. I know I'm easily labeled the Bitch—I deserve it—and that I have said some pretty hurtful things to you, and Carlisle, but he means so much to me. He and I have been like brother and sister for so long…I just…I've made a mess of things and my brother doesn't want to talk to me and neither does Carlisle. Emmett, my sweet Emmett. I hurt him and our babies and…I'm sorry for what I've said and –"

"Rosalie, I you don't need to…do this." I felt like I was being Punk'd, any second Ashton would just out and tell me this was all a joke, Punk'd French Style! Rosalie didn't have these emotions and was just as hollow as the tin man. But when she let out a grief-stricken whimper my opinion was changed, hatred evaporated. I didn't know how to talk to this woman, she had effectually labeled me an enemy since day one and now, she was…what changing her tune? Why?

"Yes, I do! I need to because I keep fucking up over and over and not just with you but with everyone, even Emmett. Jasper doesn't treat Alice the way I treated Emmett. Why? We're related; we shared a womb for fucks sake! He treats Alice like she's his one and only. But me, I have Emmett and what do I do? I pick a fight with him for defending you, for telling I'm being irrational when I knew it all along. I walked away from him…Alice and Jasper reminded me of my stupidity just this morning and they have every right to but it wasn't until just now that I realized just how much I fucked up. Now I'm afraid I can't take back what I've done. I need Emmett now more than ever, how will he take me back? "Rosalie cried, "I need him now; I can't do this without him."

Do what?

Placing an awkward hand on her shoulder, I attempted to comfort her. "Emmett loves you; it's evident by the way he looks at you and by the way he looked after leaving Charlie's. I don't really know what went on between to two of you, but he'll forgive you. I'm sure he misses you as much as you seem to miss him."

She nodded softly; pressing her lips together, the mask of perfection slowly shifting back into place. "What is wrong with you, Isabella? If you knew the names I've called you…How can you be civil to me? How can you act like a friend?"

"I don't know, to tell you the truth; I kinda hated you up until a few minutes ago but your petite breakdown made you…I don't know, seem more human, less Ice Queen. I'm not sure we can be friends just yet Rosalie, why don't we just leave it at civil and see how that goes?"

"Yeah, I think I can handle civility, at least for now. I would, you know…appreciate it if kept my _petite breakdown_ to yourself." I agreed and she left me with a small (incredibly small) smile.

I stood there stunned for a while, letting everything she had told me sink in. It was only until I saw Pixie strutting towards me that I realized that Rosalie mentioned Jasper and Alice as a couple.

Alice and Jasper.

I tried to recall the last time she mentioned fucking someone, because she always was and she always told me about her exploits. I couldn't pull forward one guy, not one since she bitched about her neighbor, who just so happened to be Jasper, spilling wheat grass on her white blouse. Had she been with him since then?

Was she with him all this time?

Then I remembered the giggling and distracted cell phone conversations. The odd way she seemed to know things about Carlisle that I hadn't told her and Emmett, she knew him, even referred to him as Emmy. Alice's sudden interest in photography had nothing to do with expanding beyond Vogue editorials and everything to do with tall; exceedingly charming blue-eyed southern gentlemen. Her excuse for befriending Rose, then her valid reason for chewing the women out, it seemed very logical in the face of a relationship with the Texan. Rose's behavior would mean more to Alice aside from the desire to protect me. If she was involved with Jasper wouldn't she do anything to protect him and his family? That would include Carlisle and Emmett and the twins…even Rosalie.

Is that what she was doing by hiding this from me, protecting Jasper? Did Carlisle know all this time?

The thought that they all knew sickened me.

"Hey, what's with the face, honey? You look horrible; I thought you and Carly had a good morning?" I looked at my best friend and realized that she was keeping a rather large secret from me and it hurt me, more than I thought it would. It left me cold, sad and longing for Carlisle's calming presence.

Quickly I plastered a smile on my face and rushed to quell the questions. "We did, this has nothing to do with him. I was just thinking about something Newton told me. I'm fine Alice." She gave me a look that clearly said she didn't believe me. "Why don't we just shop for some food, ok?"

She agreed reluctantly, more than likely sensing my mind was elsewhere. We got some handmade soap, Alice went on, and on about these chocolates she bought in the next stall, claiming that they were better than sex. She ate and talked, like she always did, about some new designs that had been taking form in her brain and her excitement over them. While she spelled out the many advantages of using jersey and chiffon when making a one-shoulder Grecian dress at fish market I picked up mussels for dinner with Carlisle completely lost in thought. Maybe Jasper had asked her to keep it a secret. That notion was thrown out once I recalled his attitude towards having to be the keep them. I hardly noticed our walk to Pascal Gosnet and I only realized that Alice was asking me some when she elbowed me in the rib, hard.

"Did you hear what I just told you?" I nodded, shifting my bags. "If you did then what did I just say?"

I thought for a while, what had she been saying? "You like studded heels on drag queens…"

"NO! I said I want to stick my studded heel up that drag queen Jacob's ass. He's up to something and it's not good."

I rolled my eyes at the impossibility of him planning anything other than sitting around on his ass. "Jake isn't a planner, Alice. He doesn't have the presence of mind to think several steps ahead of anyone. He acts foolishly and then asks questions…sometimes not even."

"That's what I'm afraid of, Bella. I'm telling you that the man is planning something, he wouldn't say much but I'm betting it has everything to do with you." Alice told me seriously while her hands jerked off the aged sausage. I blushed as the man behind the counter gave us a stern stare down. Why did she have to have the sense of humor of a twelve year old boy?

"How would you know this, have you seen him?" She nodded, pulling out her disco phone to take a picture. "Where?"

"It's not important but just promise me you'll be careful. I don't think he'll actually hurt you, but Jake had never been one to enjoy humiliation and he has a horrible temper. The tabloids are making a lot of fuss over him being a loser and riding on the coat tails of that shitty play all those years ago. They even have this funny cartoon mocking him. I framed that shit!"

I smiled at how much joy she got out of his humiliation. She led me out of the store and kept chatting about some new pattern she made while we began walking back to my bike. Once Viggo was in eyesight I decided that I could ask her if she was seeing anyone, we were best friends, sisters after all. We had no secrets between the two of us, so why now? "Ali, I feel like I've been so preoccupied with Carlisle that I haven't asked you about your love life? Is there anyone special these days? Are you seeing anyone?"

"Nope, unless you count Dolce and Gabbana. Listen I have to go, Bella…call you later." She was gone before I had a chance to respond.

She lied to me. Was it that simple?

xXXx

The ride home was a distracted blur and I hardly noticed Felix in the elevator until he cleared his throat loudly and placed his hand on the small of my back. We exchanged pleasantries; I asked about Morocco and was given a wicked smile. That one expression told me he had had a lot of fun with the women. The man was in his mid forties but well taken care of and he also happened to be a complete whore. I suspected that his accent in combination with his olive skin, natural charm and pricing green eyes aided him in his conquests. He asked about my art show, I skimmed halfheartedly but he understood, telling me that I could fill him in later.

"I missed seeing my sexy neighbor every morning…breakfast in bed tomorrow, love? Please, feel free to wear as little as possible." He smirked, and stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.

The man was incorrigible.

"Felix," I started with a chuckle, "when are you going to understand that no, means no. I have a man in my life now and I'm not too sure he'd be happy with your approach to "friendship". Haven't you ever had a female friend that you didn't fuck from time to time?"

"Not really but one of these days, love, one of these days… I want to meet the man you deemed worthy of the promise land, Bellar. That Jacob was a real wanksplat." He kissed my cheek softly before walking into his place.

Bellar. Wanksplat. Fucking Brits, they were too amazing. Despite all the flirting, he really did care about me. He was the one the kicked both Sam and Jacob out of my flat the night I found them together. Felix cared; he just had an unconventional way of showing his affection.

Once inside I got to work on preparing the Moules Marinière. Carlisle had told me at the fun fair that he loved seafood with a passion, sushi, shrimp, calamari and especially mussels, so this seemed like a good dish. I couldn't wait to see his face. Half the joy of cooking for someone was watching them enjoy it, savor the passion and work you put into the meal.

Putting on some music, I started melting the butter before adding the chopped onions. I stared blindly at the pot while the onions browned thoughts of Alice and Jasper swirled making my heart pound erratically.

It wasn't that I wasn't happy for her, I was. Alice had fucked her way through a pack of losers, good looking highly fashionable losers but losers nonetheless. As my grandfather had always said _A pig with lipstick is still a pig_. Jasper was a good man, honest, kind and talented. He was just the type of man I had always hoped she'd fine, her counterpart, a man to support her, not stifle. Jasper would let her breathe, be herself without demanding that she bend to his will. He'd keep her interested when the rest of the world bored her because they were so different.

If this was the real thing then I was overjoyed for her but what hurt was that she couldn't tell me, that she openly lied to me.

Shaking the thought I added the chopped parsley and poured the white wine and let it come to a boil while I scrubbed the mussels. Normally cooking was relaxing, but my stomach was in knots.

The mussels opened and just like that, I was done. Perhaps I should have chosen something a little more complicated, something a bit more time consuming. Quickly I made up a Sauce au Pistou and set the ribbon pasta to boil. There was a knock at the door and I prayed that it wasn't Felix asking to borrow sugar…from my lips.

"Bella, it's me, sweet girl."

Fuck! I hadn't changed; I still looked like a teenager in jeans, sneakers, and a track jacket. "You're early!" I exclaimed, throwing the door open after making sure it was him. You never can be too sure.

At the sight of him, the air was knocked out of me. Carlisle stood in my doorway with a bottle of wine and smile. I felt my heart sputter wildly. _I love you, just seeing your face makes me happy!_

I knew I was eye fucking the man but I could hardly bring myself to care. He was wearing a peat brown trench coat, no but not just any trench coat. A Burberry trench coat and never had any man looked as good as in a trench coat. His blonde hair was wet and hanging in his face as tiny drops fell from his nose on the floor.

Carlisle Cullen rain soaked…the very definition of wet dream.

"Sorry, are you not happy to see me?" He asked, arching a brow at me in obvious amusement.

"Of course I'm happy to see you, Carlisle. But I haven't even changed yet, the foods almost done and the pasta is boiling and I still need to —" He silenced me with a kiss, somehow managing to put down the bottle of wine, close and lock the door behind him, only to press me against it.

"Carlisle, I need to check the pasta and then—"

"Stop talking and let me kiss you, Bella." Carlisle softly nibbled on my bottom lip, sucking on it lightly before releasing it in favor of my top lip. His kisses were tender, sweet and intoxicating and I melted into them, gripping his shoulders for support.

Pulling away and resting his forehead on mine he whispered that he had missed me. He missed me. I smiled like a fool and returned the sentiment, screaming the words I could not tell him in my head. He missed me.

_Why are you smiling like that? _

_Oh, because the man I love missed me and that has to mean something. You don't miss nobodies, I'm a somebody to him. And his lip taste like rain and mints._

After a few more chaste kisses he offered to drain the pasta for me while I changed but seeing as he was wearing jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt I just tossed aside the jacket and threw on a cute green leopard scoop top Alice insisted I needed while we were at her alter of worship.

And it was as simple as thinking her name and the warmth Carlisle brought was snuffed.

When I got back the pasta was drained and in the bowl I set out with the Pistou sauce beside it, waiting. With his back to me Carlisle stood at the stove awkwardly with oven mitts on his hands as he jiggled the reheating pot. The scene was obscenely domestic, and it scared me to no end.

I had no frame of reference for this type of thing; I had no examples of what I wanted most in the world. I never watched my parents interact with one another. Hell, I never watched any couple interact with each other, ever. How sad was that?

"I figured you'd want to warm this up a bit before we ate. It smells so good; I can't believe you made this for me." He turned around with a brilliant smile but something in my face must have sent out a warning to him that all was not quite well. "Are you alright?"

"Yup." Please tell me you didn't know about them Carlisle. Please.

Quietly I finished was needed to be done. The mussels were warmed and poured into yet another dish I had waiting. I tossed the warm pasta in the sauce, all the while recalling that this was Ali's birthday dinner food. Last year I had added shrimp and the girl practically stuck her tongue down my throat. Without wondering where Carlisle was in all of this I made my way to the balcony and set up our dinner on my cute iron table. Despite the rain earlier the air was warm and balmy and if the light mist got heavier I had an awning to keep us dry. I turned on the lanterns and tried to relax so I could enjoy my date.

It was odd; we had slept together countless time, shared secrets and pains, argued but never a date. This was like our first date and I felt distracted, not at all ideal. Poor Carlisle.

When his arms circled around my waist I realized that at some point during my setting up the table and trying to calm down, Carlisle had followed me out onto the balcony through my library. The library I had yet to show him. I felt like such a horrible host, "Sorry, Carlisle."

"For what, sweetheart?" he asked kissing my check softly.

"I don't know…for ignoring you back in the kitchen and being a pretty shitty host."

He assured me that it was fine, that he hadn't felt ignored but he mentioned my being very quiet. We sat down to eat dinner and I should have been thrilled, but I wasn't. I was confused and hurt and I was fervently hoping he had no part in Alice's lies.

When the food was a nothing but remnants sauce and crumbs on the plates he grabbed my hand and kissed it. Thanking me for the wonderful meal, stating that no one had made dinner especially for him in ages and ages. I had intended to beam with joy at his praise but when I looked at him I kept asking myself the same question. Did he know? Please Carlisle; tell me you had no idea. I offered him a small smile and asked him about the book signing in hope that his voice would pull me back.

It did pull me back, a little. Watching him speak so animatedly about something that truly captured his heart was a true pleasure. He chuckled while telling me that he could do that every day if it wasn't for the horrendous hand cramp he suffered from half way through and much like they did in class his eyes grew excited, lighting his entire face in a way that allowed the little boy inside to shine through. For second I let the situation with Alice slip away as I asked him how he felt about being famous. He scoffed at the idea but seemed to like it nonetheless. I playfully asked for an autograph and smiled when his cheeks turned pink, again. He started telling me about one woman who kept making sexually suggestive comments to him and refuse to leave without his number but I asked him to stop when he got to the part where she ran her fingers through his hair. The hair was mine, blonde, brushed back or hanging in his face, it was mine.

It was natural; he was an obscenely good looking man with a lovely personality and obvious intellect. Any women would be stupid not to notice him, but it burned me that they thought they could touch him and it pissed me hell off that I could do nothing about it.

Maybe hiding wasn't such a great idea after all. It made me feel very territorial.

"She had to be escorted out, never have I wanted to disappear more. I was rather surprised though, when Marcus took me aside and invited me to an upcoming Canard party in Provence. Perhaps the man isn't such a git. He actually asked me if I had had a pleasant day. I imagine you had something to do with his change in demeanor."

I nodded distractedly, taking a sip of the wine Carlisle had brought. It was very good, red and full bodied. The man had good taste.

The party he was referring to was a faux-holiday celebration I had insisted on Canard observing seeing as we were a publishing company after all. Then in a greater stroke of genius Aro had suggested that we hold a three day party each year in Aix, invite our staff, our authors' and loads of Paris's finest. Aro loved his parties, throwing them, going to them. It was a tradition, an eight year tradition I had never missed.

Once I met Alice she became my date because Jacob hated reading and hated my grandfather. Alice and I always went shopping for dresses together the week before, got things in preparation for the festivities. We'd drive there together in my car, singing with the radio without a care in the world because those three days in Provence were always magical. But this year would be different…there were secrets between us, lies and deceit.

Would she want to take Jasper?

I couldn't shake the feeling that she would continue lying to me if I gave her the opportunity. You do it once it's not so hard the second time, or the third, so on and so on.

"You're very distracted tonight, Isabella. You seem to be lost in your thoughts and they don't look like good ones. Something is obviously weighting heavily on your mind, why don't you tell me about it. Perhaps I can help—it's not about us is it?"

_Us_

_Oh Carlisle._

I started to tear up because I had ruined my evening with Carlisle; he was worried about us when we should have been getting to that carnal promise of punishment. I had been so excited until I ran into Rosalie; I knew I had taken a step forward with her but at the cost of my friendship and my night. Across the table he sat looking as comforting as possible and I honestly would have loved for him to hold me but I couldn't. Not yet.

I opened my mouth to apologize but he stopped me. "Don't apologize, talk to me. Please, if you're hurting, Isabella, I want to know about it."

"Alice and Jasper." His eyes widened but he said nothing. "They're a couple...and I had no idea. If you ask me it's pretty fucked to find out about your friend being madly in love with someone from someone other than your best friend. And not only did it fucking sting that Rosalie was the one to tell me but no, no the Pièce de résistance was Alice lying right to my face. I asked her, point blank, are you seeing anyone? And what did the little tater-tot do? She lied to me. Why would she lie to me? All I've ever wanted was for her to find someone who would love her and not try to change her, someone like Jasper…and I don't understand why she can't tell me."

_I told her about you and your magic fingers, your delicious mouth and glorious penis, about the compassionate man who cares if I eat or not, the one who drove to my flat at two in the morning to reassure me that he would not leave me bleeding like Jake. I told her over and over about how much I love you. I told her everything, why can't she return the favor? _

I took a shuttering breath and noticed that Carlisle was sitting in his chair with a very uncomfortable expression on his handsome face. His back was ramrod straight and his knuckles were white from the death grip he was putting on the armrest.

Was he sweating?

_Oh no, please no. Please Carlisle; tell me that you had no idea please._

"Did you know?" I whispered, half fearing the truth.

He nodded.

"How long have you known about them?" I asked hating the tears that welled in my eyes. "How, long Carlisle?"

"Too long Isabella, too long."

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**A/N:*Hides* Let me know what you think, please! I'm not above bribes.**

**Picture Carlisle, hair messy from sleep and scruff on his face, standing by the French doors looking out on the city in nothing but his boxers while the early morning light washes over his skin. Smiling he offers you his cup of coffee, and wraps his arms around you, kissing the back of your neck tenderly, "Waking up to you in the best part of my day."**

**Review!**

**If you guys want to chat it up with me via Twitter, you can find me as LuneNoire49. I'm random but it's fun.**


	17. Only You

A/N: Ok I just want to say thank you for the reviews and alerts.

I own nothing, SM owns it all.

Here it is, Enjoy! Lemons ahead!

* * *

Deep down I had a feeling she had found out about Alice and Jasper. I had seen them both seconds before Bella walked at the door and it almost seem too good to be true that she hadn't seen them but without know for sure I had no other option than to wait. I should have guessed that rose would be the one to tell her. I felt like bastard because I knew my knowing and my involvement in the lie would hurt her.

"Too long Isabella, too long." I whispered softly.

The way she had looked me when I showed up was indescribably heartwarming, I could almost feel how overjoyed she was to see me. No one had looked at me quite that way and I loved it. Her eyes were so bright but once she caught sight of my disheveled and wet appearance those twin orbs darkened. Her desire was unmistakable.

Why she was so attracted to the _I've-lived-on-the-streets-for-the-past-few-days_ look I'd never know?

I kissed her mostly to stop the anxious rambling but a larger part of me had just wanted to taste those luscious lips. The second time was all pleasure. No other motive. I had missed her, it had been a long day filled with frustrating conversations, paused gratification and embarrassing proposals by countless women and some men and it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me the moment I saw her.

I didn't want to let go and briefly toyed with the idea of us eating dinner with her on top of me. Not the most practical way to dine but at least she'd be close to me. I released her so she could change—not that she needed to, she looked beautiful. There was no improvement to be made, unless she was going to do away with the painted on pants all together. My mind entertained those ideas while I rinsed the pasta

Yes, that's right she let me drain the pasta and I only lost two or three ribbons down the drain. The smallest thing made me happy and doing this for her made me smile so hard it hurt.

_I never knew you liked draining pasta Carlisle?_

I hadn't known either.

When she came back into the kitchen I knew something had changed. Her face was sad and a tiny bit defeated. I had no clue what it was so naturally I asked but true to Bella fashion she claimed that she was "fine".

I didn't believe her; instead I watched her regard the pasta with tears in those deep eyes. We'd never eat pasta again if this was the result, as much as I loved it I'd gladly give it up if it meant I never had to see that look twist her features. I watched her walk away from me and towards the room I had found the last time, only to discover that a beautiful little balcony was just beyond those French doors.

She didn't notice me leaning against the door which is more than likely the reason she hid nothing. She sighed sadly setting up our table, arranging food and plates and sliver-wear almost methodically but once that was done she nothing to focus on. She took great effort to calm herself but it was quite futile, there was no visible improvement. She kept blinking back tears and when she ordered herself to relax and not ruin my night I took it was my cue to take her in my arms.

_Why can't you tell me things Bella?_ I wanted to ask but held my tongue and attempted to comfort her from an unseen pain.

During dinner I was bluntly obvious that something had occurred from the time that she left me to the time I arrived on her doorstep. In no way did she ignore me, in fact she asked questions and smiled like a child getting a gold star when I moaned in appreciation for her talent in the kitchen but she was distracted. I felt like an outsiders, Isabella was obviously somewhere else, somewhere without me. I could feel her falling deeper and deeper into her own world and I fervently wished that I could be a part of that world.

She winced when I mentioned that three day party in Provence. Marcus had told me that it was three of the most amazing days and that Bella looked forward to it all year. I wasn't a fool; I knew why the thought of that particular party would cause her duress. We were a secret, unable to attend together as a couple and it was to be held on my last weekend in France. By Wednesday of that week I'd be on a plane to Chicago.

My heart seized at that one thought. _Chicago._

Could I actually leave her and concede to a long distance relationship even knowing that while some of them might last the odds of survival were slim at best? Could be as selfish as to beg her to come with me? Would she even want that?

"How long is too long Carlisle? I have to know." She broke me from my own musing but in no way was I free from pain. Her eyes, such lovely brown eyes held mine like a life line, as if she was hoping I would tell that I hadn't know all that long. How I wished it was true.

"I found out the day the Churchill photos were showed up. I called to speak with Jasper and Alice answered phone. She had told me in no uncertain terms that I was to stay away from you, and honestly I had no idea what to expect when she told me to come over to Jasper's and them being together was certainly at the bottom of the list. I agreed to keep it from you that day but I had reservations about it, have had my reservations about it since. I wanted to tell you Isabella but it wasn't my place to do so."

She looked at me for a split second without breathing and just as I was about to grab her hand she shoved herself away from the table and disappeared through the French doors. I had warned Alice it would be like this, I had known keeping this from Bella would end badly. I fought the urge to pull out my phone and talk to Alice but I decided then and there that I would not continue to be caught in the middle of this. Alice would have to deal with this herself; I wasn't cleaning up the mess she had made and I had tried to prevent.

I followed, because what else could I do? I couldn't let her run, I'd give her space if she truly needed it and I'd leave if she demanded that I do so but I was not letting her go without talking to her first.

Blasted Talking! It seemed that Isabella was right, we were always talking, always explaining errors and it was a pain in the ass.

I expected to find her in the kitchen, so naturally I went straight there but it was empty, as was the living room and her bedroom. Had she left? Walking back to the library I found her curled into the side of her plush sofa, clutching a large pillow, tears marring the perfection of her face. She looked so small, so young and again I was reminded that this was how she must have felt as a child. Kept on the outside of the truth, sheltered, lied to and wrapped in cotton wool, this was simply a reminder of those days.

"Bella," I began, tentatively bringing my hand to her cheek. She didn't move away, I took it as a good sign but she did say a word.

I knew she was angry, what I could not pinpoint was whether it was at me or Alice. The notion that Bella, the women I dreamt about, craved on an unnatural level, was angry with me made me feel exposed, vulnerable. I hated it.

Brushing her hair back I called her name again, she didn't answer. She was ignoring me; refusing to meet my eyes much like the day I realize she was my student. The same feeling washed over me, anger commingling with frustration, only this time it was much worse because I knew exactly what it felt like to have _all _of her attention.

I was mere moments from grabbing her chin when she started speaking. Her voice was raw and far too horse.

"Alice says you guys talk…has she ever told you about our friendship?"

"Only that the two of you are like sisters and that she'd kill anyone who hurt you." Ironically enough Alice was the one hurting Isabella at the moment.

"That's true; she's threatened so many people because of me…she even kicked Mike's ass once, gave him a black eye and broke his nose. Alice has been my friend since I was sixteen. There have never been any lies between us. We are painfully honest about everything. She knows things my father doesn't even know. " I watched as she traced a scar on her palm, and recalled seeing one very similar on Alice in the exact place. "Did you know that Alice and I made a blood oath to never lie to each other? "

I shook my head. _Blood Oath_, certainly they couldn't be that crazy?

"She came to see me at Aro's house after a particularly horrible fight with her mother. She was crying and babbling about her mother lying to her for years and how she didn't know her father was while I held her. We had been friends for a year at the time and I hated Alice's mom almost as much as I hate my own. Gigi, Alice's mother, was some has been model turned fashion designer when I met her, she was selfish and pretentious but… she loved Alice."

_Loved?_

"I don't know how Alice got suspicious, maybe because she looks nothing like Simon but she found out that it wasn't possible for him to be her dad seeing as he didn't even know Gigi at the time. She questioned her mom—the girl is very persistent—and her mom told her she had no idea who fathered Ali. Aro and I comforted her as best we could; Aro loved Ali almost as much as he loved me. That night Aro let us have a camp out in the garden and Addie; his chef let us have some wine because we were "sad". I don't know the woman was kind of crazy. Anyways, we talked about our lives and once we calmed down she told me that she didn't know who to trust anymore, her family were all liars and she didn't know her real dad. I told her that she could always trust me and I'd help her find her dad. The more wine we drank the more we secrets we shared and soon I was telling her about how Renee had left me before I could even realize she was gone, that Charlie always kept things from me and Aro played smoke and mirrors, preferring to keep me distracted than in the know. They never really told me anything, things I found out were always from a second party. She looked at me and very seriously she told me I could trust her… that I could count on her. Needless to say we finished the wine and we felt it needed to be official, she suggested bracelets but I said it had to be more serious than that. She suggested tattoos but Charlie would freak so we threw that out. We thought about what could be more serious and after a while I told her blood was as serious as you could get. I hadn't meant anything by it really… I had just finished reading Macbeth…and blood was so important in that play."

She put her hand on my thigh palm up, letting me see the half moon scar. I took it in mine and kissed it.

"Alice thought it was a great idea, we'd be blood sisters and I agreed. 'Good blood never lies'. Aro was always telling me that and I guess it stayed with me. We made it our oath and that day we became sisters…we promised to stay by each-other no matter what, to tell each other the truth and to share shoes. All these years we've never broken those promises…until now. Sure we were young and drunk but it was real Carlisle. Why can't she tell me? I told her how I feel about you; she knows everything I think, feel and have felt with you…is it so wrong of me to expect the same from her; to be fucking pissed that my own sister would lie to my face?"

"It's not wrong Isabella and you have every right to be upset but can't she want to keep something for herself, perhaps she isn't sure it's real yet. Has she ever had a relationship that lasted more than one night? You said she changes men like she changes shoes right?" She nodded carefully. "Maybe she doesn't want to jinx it and tell you would make it —"

"But she told Rosalie!" she exclaimed, ripping her hand away from mine to cross her arms over her chest much like a defiant child would. "Why can't you see how hurtful that is? She'd rather tell her than me!"

I reminded myself that this was still fresh to her but her taking this out on me was uncalled for; none of this was my fault.

"Isabella." I warned but she didn't seem to care, she continued glaring at me while she ranted about Rosalie knowing before her, about my knowing before her and she even when as far as to insinuate that that it had been kept from her callously, in order to hurt her.

_Obstinate, headstrong girl!_

Perhaps it was insensitive and inconsiderate but this wasn't what I had in mind when I showed up here. Don't get me wrong, sex was not the only thing I wanted from Bella; I wanted her company, her laughs and her smiles. I wanted her teasing, sassy attitude and ached to converse with her, without stress and tears. It angered me beyond belief that one run in with Rose, one lie from Alice had the power or rather that Isabella had given them the power to ruin our night.

I stood unable to handle the anger coursing through my veins while sitting. Standing was always better, and pacing was very helpful.

"This has nothing to do with hiding it from me, sure that hurts but I could forget that. I don't care if she wants to keep him in the dark but to lie to my face...She had to know how much that would hurt. I mean did you guys even consider that, when you guys got together did it ever cross your minds what this would feel like to me! Did you guys even care!"

"Isabella, enough! Of course I considered how much this would hurt you, as did Jasper. Stop, you cannot control what Alice does and you cannot assume that knowledge that is kept from you is done so with mal intent, I know this is difficult for you and I know you're hurt but you need to stop!" I bellowed, my words bouncing off the shelves. I didn't make a habit of raising my voice to women but my anger outweighed whatever manners my father had instilled in me. She stared at me in shock, blessedly quite while she listened.

I lowered my voice; I didn't want to be shouting at her but she needed to understand that I was still upset. "She only told Rosalie because she didn't Jasper lying to his family and not to throw your friend under the bus but both Jasper and I have asked her multiple times to tell you. It was and still is not my place to disclose their relationship to you and neither was it Rosalie's place to tell you but what done is done. You cannot change the fact that Alice chose to keep this from you; all you can control is what happens in _this_ relationship. When we are together Bella...Christ, it seems like an impossible feat for you to shut out everyone else and think of only us. When you are with me, you are with me, Isabella! Do you understand that? Are you going to wallow or are you going to let this shit go? "

The silence was deafening. She nodded, and it didn't escape my notice that her were eyes were as wide as a saucers and dark or that her breath was coming rapidly. I recognized this look but surely that couldn't have aroused her. At mere thought my anger simmered down, and my arousal took precedence. The women had me in a perpetual state of arousal, even in anger my dick twitched in my pants. If Bella was aroused, I was instantly unbearably aroused. Simple cause and effect…a carnal visions cycle.

I arched a brow at her in question, a glorious blush spread over her cheeks as she realized I had caught her eyes lingering at my crotch.

"Isabella, answer me." I watched her closely to make sure we were on the same page.

"Yes…Dr. Cullen."

_Well, fuck me!_

Walking over to where she was sitting, I stood directing in front of her and cupped her face, tilting it up so I could see her beautiful face. Even tear stained Isabella was an angel on earth. Wiping away her tears with my thumbs I kissed her lips but pulled away before she could deepen it.

She chased my lips, moaning in protest. I gave her my most stern professor expression and tisked at overzealous response. She bit her lip before swallowing, hard. "We have all night sweet girl. Now, Isabella, think you can focus on us for the rest of the night. Yes…good. As beautiful as you look in that top and those jeans, can you take them off? Can you do that for me, love?"

She shivered and did as I asked. My cock took notice of her naked satin skin, my mark on her and the way her lingerie seemed be made for her and to tempt me.

In my office I had asked if this enticing little set was something she wore for me, and she surprised me by whispering that she had bought it for me. Those few words were among the sweetest and most erotic I had ever heard.

"Isabella, come here please." I asked her, patting my lap, leaving no room for discussion as to where I wanted her.

I pulled her forward until her body was flush with mine, chest to chest. The sensation of her heart hammering against my chest was maddening as kissed her. It distracted me, made it almost impossible to tame all the desire I felt for her. She moaned into my mouth, her fingers digging into my shoulders in a desperate attempt to get me closer. I feasted on her mouth, licking the pillow of her bottom lip before plunging my tongue into her willing mouth, tangling it wither hers. Finally I was tasting what I had been craving and been denied all day, the sweet and spicy taste that could only be Bella uninhibited.

I released her and leaned back on the sofa so I could take in the blushing beauty on my lap, brushing her hair over her shoulders so I could see everything she willingly gave to me. Through the black sheer material her rosy nipples were begging for attention and I couldn't muffle the groan the fell from my lips when I once again saw that gold zipper. I fingered the little gold tab before pulling it down and freeing her breasts.

They were perfect, fitting my hands as if shaped for me. And those nipples, I smiled when they harden further under my gaze.

So beautiful.

"Are you going to punish me?" She squeaked.

"No." The look on her face would have been comical any other night but not tonight. I didn't want to spank or tease her and I had no intention of play this professor/student game, tonight. "Isabella, tonight I want to focus all my attention on you. I'm going to worship every inch of your body, savor every moment, I don't want to rush anything. I want you think of only me because when I'm with you, you are all I think about…tonight I'm going to make you cum so hard and so many times the only name you'll remember is mine."

She hissed a low "holy fuck" closely followed by an erotic take on my name. Never would I get tired of her saying my name that way.

I began kissing her neck, trailing down to take one nipple in my mouth, nipping it gently between my teeth. Gripping her tiny waist with one hand I rocked my hips against hers in search of the friction we both wanted. So good! I nearly lost all control when Bella snaked her finger through my hair and moaned loudly, telling me never to stop. Today had been on epic bought of foreplay and it was finally catching up with us.

Even through my jeans I could feel her heat, feel her arousal soaking through. I wanted more. Kissing her breasts once more I laid my sweet girl on the couch and positioned myself between her legs, peppering her belly with my lips. Running my nose up and down the damp fabric I let out a deep rumble, my thoughts running rampant with desire. Fuck she smells so good.

I looked up at her from between her legs, "I can't believe I haven't tasted you this way since our first night together, Isabella."

She looked confused as to how she ended up on her back or how I ended up between her legs but she lifted her hips to help me remove her underwear anyway.

"You're so beautiful…you have no idea." I told her, caressing her pussy, noticing a tiny mole right above her clit. Oh God, how had I not seen it before?

She whimpered, inviting me with a thrust of her hips and I was only too happy to oblige. I licked the length of her swollen lips, lapping up the moisture the seeped out of her and moving back up press a hard kiss to her clit and that little mole. The noises coming from her mouth went straight to my cock but he would have to wait, she tasted too unbelievable to stop. Holding her open I plunged my tongue into her repeatedly, groaning at the incredible heat surrounding me.

The vibrations were too much for Isabella, she screamed my name and came, gripping the back of the couch for dear life, her body breaking out in a thin sheen of sweat. I replaced my tongue with my fingers and licked the hickey on her hip before shifting my eyes to the beauty beneath me.

Watching her face freeze in ecstasy was always such a stunning sight, even more so because I knew I was the one to bring her that pleasure. Me, no one else.

Without removing my fingers I sat up to kiss her flushed cheeks, swollen lips, anywhere I could find. She looked shell-shocked but her lips were alive and hungry. I knew my Isabella's body, I knew how much she could take and this was far from over.

Gently I thrust my fingers in and out, curling them to stroke that elusive spot. Bella reacted in kind, saturating my fingers, bucking her hips in time with my ministrations, panting against my neck and clawing at my back. I was sure she was drawing blood but how could I bring myself to care about such a trivial thing when she was giving herself to me?

Looking into her eyes I picked up the pace and pressed my thumb to her clit firmly. Her muscles clamped down hard on my fingers, squeezing them as she climaxed and sobbed my name.

I expected her to look away, close her eyes and hide but she didn't, she let me see everything.

So beautiful and all mine.

Unable to resist anymore I gathered her still twitching body in my arms and carried her to the bedroom, placing her in the center of the bed. Covering her body with mine I kissed her lips, first the top one then the plump bottom one, biting it hard enough to make her hiss at me. I love her lips, love their rosy color and natural pout. I love the way she bites them and doesn't shy away from the taste of herself on my lips but most of all I loved how hers fit mine perfectly.

"Please, Carlisle, please…I need to feel you." Isabella pleaded breathlessly.

"Then feel me, sweetheart."

Her hot hands were under my shirt roaming my chest, raking her fingers through the crisp hair she found before I could finish the sentence. Quickly I pulled off my shirt and tossed it aside giving her free reign of my body.

I open my mouth to tell her how good she was making me feel but the words vanished as soon as her mouth latched on to my nipple. She kissed and nibbled on my chest, paying extra attention to the place where my heart thudded the hardest. She whispered something but I couldn't hear it over the thrumming in my ears. When she reached inside my jeans to cup my bear ass and thrust her pelvis against the worn denim, my cock jerked and wept in recognition of its partner.

Jesus fucking Christ! That feels like heaven.

I was leaking into my pants, painfully erect, I couldn't wait any longer. As quickly as humanly possible I shoved my jeans down my thighs, kicking them and my boxers off. Bella moaned at the sight of my turgid manhood, tracing my hips lightly. My breath was coming hard enough already but it only accelerated when my Bella's lip disappeared into her mouth.

"Bella, I…please don't bite your lip like...that, not now." I didn't recognize my own voice, it was deeper than I had ever heard it before but Bella seemed to like it quite a bit. Instantly she freed her lip and begged me to let her feel me.

"You don't have to beg Bella baby; I would give you anything you asked for."

Holding her hips I entered her, savoring the feeling. My head fell against her sternum, only she could make me feel this way. Christ, had it really only been a day since we had sex? It was still so consuming, being inside her, feeling her rapid pulse around my length.

Slowly I moved my hips, filling her completely before retreating as far as I could without actually leaving her body. Her thighs were shaking and wrapped around my legs as we moved together, our bodies gliding against one another.

"Oh god, Carlisle...only..." I buried my head in her neck, silently rejoicing that she seemed to be so close already. My control was slipping and slipping fast.

Our slow cadence escalated the moment she asked for more, more speed, more force. She wanted to feel it, she pleaded with me for more. "More what, baby. Like this, Bella, is this what you wanted?" I asked, slamming into her as hard as dared to, making sure to grind my pelvis against her.

"Car—lisle!"

I could feel the fire in my belly start to grow as Bella came around me. Lifting her leg over my shoulder I kissed her knee and moved faster, delighting in the new angle and depth I was able to achieve. My cock was rubbing Bella in all the right places, prolonging her orgasm, building on it and pulling me closer to mine.

Suddenly I craved the connection from before; I needed watch her beautiful face, see her eyes, and know that she was with me. When my eyes met hers I was done, heavy and dark with lust Bella looked up at me with utter trust and affection, as if she finally realized that I was hers. Something else lingered there, something that made my chest heavy, matching every emotion I couldn't discern flowing through me.

"I'm yours Bella…oh God, please tell me you think about…me the …way I think about you. Tell me I'm the one..."

"I always… think of you Carlisle …oh God…only you…" She trailed off, lifting her hips to meet mine and came with a silent scream.

_Only you_

I gritted my teeth against the pleasurable onslaught of being so tightly wrapped up in this girl. I loved that she never announced her orgasm; I loved that I could always give them to her, that I could always feel them and that hers almost always triggered my own. Never had I felt so connected with someone, it was only the two of us, the world could've withered away and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. Over come with intensity of our union I came with a choked scream, having no choice but to spurt inside her, shuttering with each wave of bliss that washed over me.

Lowering her leg gently on to the mattress I showered her face with my lips. I had no words for what I had just experienced but they weren't necessary. She knew, because she felt it as well.

_Only you_

Once I caught my breath I rolled over, taking Bella with me, clutching her to my chest as my fingers wove themselves in her hair. I felt boneless, sated and warm, and I knew it was because of the beautiful women beside me. I smiled lazily when she pressed her lips to my heart, kissing it softly. Her lips moved against my skin but I had no idea what she said.

"What did you say just now?"

"Thank you…I needed that, I do think about you Carlisle, all the time. Only you. I don't want you to think any different; I don't want you to doubt that."

I sighed and held her closer to me, "Me too, baby and I don't."

We were quite for a while before she spoke and when she did it was only to apologize for yelling at me, for taking her anger out on me. I pretended to mulled over her apology but truth be told I forgave her instantly.

"I guess I overreacted, huh?" She asked with a yawn.

Caressing her back I kissed the top of her head before answering her, "Just a touch, love but I can understand why. Give her some time, she'll tell you. If it makes you feel any better, they really do love each other. They make a lovely couple and Jazz loves her very much."

"I thought they'd be perfect together the second I met him...I like him, he's just the kind of man I pictured her with."

"He's one of the best people I know, aside from you of course."

She smiled against my naked chest and rested her hand across my heart. "Only you, Carlisle."

I chucked as she yawned again, poor girl had to be exhausted. "Did I work you too hard baby? You can't keep up with a forty three year old man, huh?"

"I like this feeling, Carlisle…I've never felt more alive or shattered."

"I feel the same way."

After a few minutes she drifted off to sleep, again burrowing her body as close to mine as possible. I smiled and kissed her messy hair wishing her only the sweetest dreams.

Somewhere along the way Bella and I had passed the point where this was something simple, it wasn't just sex, it wasn't just a fling or some passing fancy I could forget once I got back home. She and I were more; it wasn't love, at least not yet, perhaps the very beginning of love but it was terrifying because, I wasn't scared. I was ready.

She let out a breathy sigh and I drifted off to sleep with her in my arms, ridiculously happy with the way our night had ended.

XXXXX

Tuesday passed slowly and I was grateful for that. We woke up early, because for some reason Isabella believed in starting the day early—she was just like Jasper. I on the other hand needed coffee, strong black coffee. She made us breakfast and after we finished she excused herself to take a shower. I wanted to join her but when I asked she laughed and explained that if I went in there with her she wouldn't exactly be getting clean. I agreed only because she promised to make it up to me and because she had to meet with Demetri and Seth and Marcus. The last meeting didn't sound good but she assured me it was more than likely nothing.

She left me with a searing kiss and promised to be back in a couple of hours. I worked on my book while she was gone, completely at ease in her space. She had cleared away a table in the living room by the window and put my things on it, my papers and laptop and told me firmly that could work anywhere I wanted but that this table has the best view. She made room for me, it was touching.

After answering emails I decided to work on my new book. The words had been dancing on the edge of my mind for about a week or so and after talking with my agent, Kate I decided to get started. My first book had been written at night in the months after Esme and the pain and dissolution I felt bleed through my words but now it was drastically different. Kate had been the sole reason for _L'Irréparable_ getting publish, she hounded me day and night but this time around I had the feeling it wouldn't be quite that way. In fact I was sure I'd be the driving force.

I had hammered out six chapters before Isabella came home and when she did she didn't look to happy, in fact her eyes were quite sad. Unexpectedly she crawled into my lap and told me about her day.

She had been gone closer to six hours and when she explained that Seth and Demetri wanted details on her sex life and Marcus wanted to discuss her relationship with me I understood why she was gone for so long.

Apparently Marcus had known the moment he laid eyes on me that I was the man in question from the photos, to say I made a bad impression was an understatement. He had concerns, which was endearing in its own way but she didn't see it in the same light. She claimed that their relationship was strictly professional and only truly encompassed business, not her love life. All admiration I had felt for the weird bloke flew out the window once she told me what he had said.

Marcus told her it was a conflict of interest where Canard was concerned and that it cheapened the company, and threatened to take his concerns to the board. He also brought up the massive risk to her education and her character; apparently he felt our involvement with each other shouted our lack of morality. He begged her to the point of threats to walk away before we got any deeper. I held my breath as she looked up at me with fierce determination. Was she about to tell me to hit the road?

_"I don't care Carlisle; I can't walk away from you. I'll take the risks with the rewards."_

Her words rang in my head as we made dinner together; she would take the risks with the rewards. How could she say that when she didn't fully understand the risks? Bumping me with her hip Bella handed me a glass of wine and asked for my help. She chopped chicken vegetables like an iron chef, tossing it in the wok along with some oil I couldn't name and gave me the extremely difficult job of stirring everything so it wouldn't burn. Needless to say watching her in the kitchen was a massive distraction and I ended up burning the chicken. She laughed and said I had done a good job before I let my inner pervert take control and suggested that I watch from the bar—which was pretty much her way of telling me that I was not allowed to cook in her kitchen. It was fine by me, the view was better for there anyway. She pulled out some eggs, tomatoes, and spinach and made us omelets.

After dinner we watched a movie. Well, she watched the movie, I watched her. I followed the curve of her cheek to her lips, each time I looked at her I was stuck with just how beautiful she was. I had seen photos of her mother weeks ago and though she did have many of her features Isabella was infinitely more beautiful both in body and heart.

Her face was naked and her hair swept up and off her shoulders exposing smooth skin and the moles that trailed up her neck like the stars on Orion's belt. My attention was only dragged to the movie playing every once in a while by someone screaming but to be honest it didn't register with me. It must have been funny because she kept laughing and from the way she kept quoting lines I gathered she had seen it before, a good number of times. Half way through she looked at me, kissed my cheek and sat on my lap like I was her favorite chair and continued watching my movie.

_"Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with samurai swords. You may not be able to fight like a samurai but you can at least die like a samurai."_

I wondered what movie we had just watched and when I asked her looked at me with an amused smirk. I blushed when she casually joked about my watching her the whole time and not the movie. If she only knew how right she was.

It was still early when the movie finished so Bella suggested that I write while she watched. Bella said she wanted to see me in action, whatever the hell that meant—writing is terribly exciting to watch. It seemed like a good idea in theory but as it turns out Isabella found my writing mere inches away from her too tempting. She asked me what I was working on, what my new book was about and if I could read her some of it, all the while massaging my shoulders and neck with her agile fingers. She would be the death of me I was sure. Just as she was temperamental about her work, I was as well, and no other eyes read my words until I was completely satisfied with them. Bella pouted at me, attempting to get her way by massaging my inner thigh—it was torture not reacting to her touch—but when I didn't budge she told me she understood and then promptly left the room, leaving me in silence.

I had tried to work; I honestly made an effort for about thirty minutes but knowing that Isabella was so close by wearing the smallest short known to man propelled my thoughts away from my plot and on to the hybrid moan whimper Isabella made once my lips touched her inner thighs. When my words started resembling a Nora Roberts novel I shut everything down and went looking for my sweet girl.

"Hey, what are you reading baby?"

She looked up from her book and smiled sweetly patting the empty space beside her."Oh, just some book some guy wrote."

Bella had lost the shorts and was sprawled out on the bed with her blue elephant reading. Laying down where she wanted me I watched her immerse herself completely and it was only until she started reading out that I realized what book she held.

"The ocean at night is a wondrous sight to behold, black as far as the eye can see and a blanket of flickering stars above. Water in every direction, land was a distant memory out here, a dim pin point of light. If one were ever so inclined one could become lost in the vastness of the ocean. I cannot deny that it had been my plan to waste at sea—for some reason dying at sea felt more heroic and less cowardly than spending the rest of my years in solitary confinement—but I had abandoned that plan. Long since abandoned it and to be quite honest it was only due to such a small thing that my mind had been changed, an oversight of the man that sold me this sail boat.

It seemed that a one Billy Gilles had been an avid reader of French poetry, rather dark and maudlin French poetry but at least it was quality. In the bowls of the boat I found it, worn and yellow pages that would be a comfort to my own battered soul. I had thought my soul burned along with all my reasons for living. My soul, I had thought it corrupt, blackened because God, the almighty, the one I had served all the days of my life seemed to have forgotten me. He heard nothing when I spoke and did nothing when I pleaded. Greif swallowed, chewed me slowly as to not end my suffering too quickly…I considered myself lost until one night.

It was dark and neither the moon nor a star woke to light my way, I was off course with no hope of setting myself right. (1)The Devil had made everything dark in the windows of the Inn. Every moment of silence seemed to mock me with its placid indifference to me and my plight. I thought, _this night my demons will claim me_ but the book was there, seemingly out of pure magic it appeared, beside me. I had no recollection of bringing it with me on deck, yet there it was. Like a star, it lit my night, and though the words were not saintly or remotely edifying I no longer felt myself a drift at sea. Devine intervention? Perhaps? Never the less I took it as a sign.

Each undulation of the ocean brought me closer to my salvation, closer to the very place the book had led me to.

I had dreamt of Paris as a child, told myself that I would live in that city one day but after I married the dream faded, got replaced with a new dream, one with children, my wife and a home that smelled like fresh baked cookies. That life, my old life, was done, charred and a scare upon my heart. All I had was remnants of the man I was before love, before my wife and child, before I lost them and before everything crumbled. It wasn't much, it certainly wasn't enough to survive on, but I had to try. I could not let myself become (2) the Irreparable, let my soul become some pitiful monument. The Irreparable gnaws with its teeth! Was that the life I wanted? Of course not.

I could not be so weak; I would not fall to this, to this…implacable Remorse.

There, in that city, gilded in the patina of both the old and the new world, laid my hope. If the dammed were capable of being loved, of being save, or even living a life free of grief and pain, it would happen in that city. I knew it with every fiber of my being as if God himself had spoken the very words in my ear.

Go to Paris and you will find what you have searched all your life for."

When Isabella looked up at me I could see the questions in her eyes. Touching her cheek softly I urged her to ask whatever was on her mind, knowing that my answers would more than likely wound her. She didn't know the depth of my past despair and I would do anything to keep it from her if she would let me but that was the thing, she wanted to understand everything about me.

"Did you really believe you were dammed?" I nodded, watching the tears well up in her chocolate eyes. "Do you still?"

I let out a heavy sigh, "Not so much. Like most people I have my days Isabella, on important days like Edwards birthday and our anniversary I blame myself but my life hardly looks as bleak and hopeless as I made it in that book. William…well, he and I suffered from a lack of hope. Why anyone would want to read a book about a worthless man that has lost even the most essential human trait is beyond me. If I could write it again I would…give him faith. At least he would have had what I didn't then."

Isabella let out a shocked gasp, peering into my eyes like a carnival gypsy. "You think the book lacks hope? Faith? Carlisle, I don't see it that way."

"Isabella, his actions belie the very words he speaks. He says he knows that Gods is leading him towards Salvation yet, he curses the stones which his path had been paved with. He thinks God is a homeless man in the Gare du Lyon yet looks down at him. He fucks a woman within movements of meeting her—in a bathroom for Christ sake—and instantly confuses lust with love. He leaves Emilia, runs from her and ends up killing her. Then runs to the south of France and robs Cythera of her innocence. Where is the faith, or the hope Isabella? The man is a cad."

She smacked my arm, sitting up to lean against the iron headboard, taking the plush elephant with her. It warmed my heart to see him in bed with her. I would have commented on how adorable she looked in her tank, boy shorts and Poe (Yes, she named the elephant Poe—my sweet, gothic poetry loving girl.) had I not recognized the spirit of discussion in her face. Secretly I enjoyed how upset and bothered she was by my criticism of my own character, she was oddly protective of William.

"A cad? How is he a cad? Are men not allowed to feel fear? Are they not worthy of forgiveness or redemption? William had nothing to do with her death; she killed herself because_ she_ lacked faith, not him. He knew she wasn't what he was searching for. And as for robbing Cythera of her "innocence", the only thing he did was remove the rose colored glasses. That isn't a crime or a sin…ignorance is. In a way he helped her see what the people around her were truly like. I never said it was William that had faith or hope…Cythera was the one that never lost either, even in the face of evil. Carlisle, you're too harsh on him. Please tell me this isn't how you see yourself."

So that was why she protected him with such fierce determination. "William isn't a good man, Isabella, despite what you might think. He flaws mount on top of each other with each chapter. He dies alone without peace or redemption because as much as he tries he simply is not worthy of it."

"That absurd, Carlisle!"

"No, it's not Isabella. He wasted his life searching, sinning and running from the consequence, thinking that God was on his side when in truth he only saw what he wanted to in the old man in the metro. He only realizes that he has never known God until it's too late…that the Ideal cannot be seen or felt or found without his heart. William doesn't let his heart see what his eyes cannot."

"It's never too late Carlisle; doesn't recognizing and feeling remorse for his past redeem him?"

"No."

"Why, because he didn't stay complacent the whore…because he was scared…because he didn't let Cythera think her father was a saint? Or is it because he never stopped searching for what he already had? People often miss what is right in front of them Carlisle. It's tragic and poetic because he had his_ Ideal_ all along, but was too consumed with what the _right_ path was that he missed it. You made him irreparable—you shackled him to his guilt and sins yet made him believe that salvation was found in a person—but he saved the first women from derogation and shame on the streets. Cythera from her own stupidity, maybe he wasn't able to heal but the healed others. Yes, he had flaws but we all have them, we all sin, why do his make him worse? Did he not ask for forgiveness in the end, doesn't God forgive those to repent with a pure heart? How do his actions make him a cad, or any less of a human? If anything it makes him more human."

For a moment I was stunned by her reasoning, by her understanding. She really had read the book numerous times. Somehow she had reduced all my arguments to rubble, seen past the veil of William and broken every judgment I had made of _my _life because honestly, that what this book was—my judgment of my life, my sins and my mistakes. Not many people knew who William was but she knew that William and I were two pieces of one, his sins were my own, his affliction were shared with me and his shortcoming were mine as well. She knew and had drawn a line from me to William, from Emilia to Esme.

She saw right through all the bulshit, cleared it away and came out with the heart of the matter.

Isabella motioned for me to lay on her and I did so without hesitation, she was always so warm. Placing my ear to her heart I let its rhythm calm me, it's gently lub dub remind me that perhaps I had found everything I had been searching for.

She rested her head against mine, inhaling deeply before whispering to me, "You're a good man Carlisle. You know that right? You know that you deserve to be happy, to get what you want… _you're _worthy of love."

"Yes." But am I worthy of you?

I closed my eyes and rested my hands on her ribs, feeling the gentle expansion of her lungs. It was odd, her breathe was steady but her heart was beating quickly, much like it did during had sex. I smiled to myself wondering what she could be thinking about.

As her heart beat accelerated so did my curiosity, it wasn't arousal making her pulse fly. If I didn't know any better, I'd say Isabella was nervous about something. "Mon cher, êtes-vous bien?"

"Ou..Oui." The hand in my hair shook slightly as she stuttered her response. Isabella was normally a poor lair but coupled with nerves her attempt was almost laughable.

"You know I don't believe you, Isabella." I laughed, "Don't make me torture it out of you, love."

"The part about France, is that something you really believe or…"

Ahh, I understand now.

"Isabella," I began, pausing only to nuzzle against her, to breathe in that delightful mixture of violets and jasmine. "I believe that what I'm looking for is right here."

Only You

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A/N: Be kind and leave a review. Let's see if we can get to 110 reviews.

(1)&(2): Referance to Baudelaire's Poem L'Irreparable,

1: Stanza six

Hope that shines in the windows of the Inn  
Is snuffed out, dead forever!  
Without the moon, without light, to find where they lodge  
The martyrs of an evil road!  
The Devil has put out all the lights at the Inn!

2:Stanza eight

The Irreparable gnaws with his accurst teeth  
Our soul, pitiful monument,  
And often he attacks like the termite  
The foundations of the building.  
The Irreparable gnaws with his accurst teeth!

"Mon cher, êtes-vous bien?"...My dear, are you alright?


	18. Dance Hall Anyone?

**A/N: ****Ok, I'm back. Thanks to all you who read, review, alert, fav...etc. Lurkers, I'd love to hear from you but so long as you're reading thats good enough for me. Muah!**

**I own nothing, SM owns everything. Me, all I own is this plot.**

**Marissa, thanks a heap for being awesome.**

* * *

BPOV

It was still very early in the morning when I woke up; the sun wasn't even fully over the horizon yet leaving half the sky bathed in blue purple haze. While I normally would have been up and about by this time today I had a beautiful man in my bed and I'd have to be fucking insane to leave him to do my yoga—especially if he was going to keep pouting the way he had been for the last ten minutes.

Brushing a lock of golden hair off his forehead, I kissed his cheek, and got out of bed as gingerly as possible as to not wake him. Armed with my Bristol board and hard charcoal I sat at the overstuffed chair by the bed and began drawing him, trying not to drool at the sight of his naked chest and hip. He had fallen asleep with his shirt and boxers but at some point during the night, the shirt and boxers got tossed. I vaguely recall whipping his shirt off him so I could tangle my fingers in his chest hair. I don't recall taking his boxers off…but I might have.

Sleep Stripping?

Carlisle groaned and kicked the sheets away from his body, uncovering a very nice surprise.

Was it obscene to draw him like this, hard and waiting for me?

_Who the fuck cares, this is for your eyes only!_

I continued running my pencil of the paper, blushing while I drew his penis and firm thighs. If only I could sit and draw him for ninety minutes instead of the lumpy Monsieur Elson. Carlisle was…worthy of artistic study, his lean muscle and natural grace made him perfect to nude figure drawing. I wouldn't mind doing a twenty minute concentration on Carlisle. I blushed harder while defining his shaft. Sure I had seen it, touched it, licked and devoured it, had it blissfully buried inside of me but it looked different (better?) in light of last night's declaration.

Last night I had been intense—fuck the night before that one had been intense too, but as I was starting realize life with Carlisle was intense. I liked intense Carlisle; he left me sore, satisfied, and feeling like a precious fixture in his life.

He was a precious fixture in my life.

Fuck me if that wasn't screwed up and twisted, to be so wrapped up in a man.

Before I knew it Supermassive Black Hole was playing, loudly. Rushing the side table, I slapped alarm to stop Matthew's singing but it was too late. Carlisle groaned, yanking me down on to the bed only to throw his arm around my waist. Turning me around so my back was to his chest he pressed his face into my neck and shoulders, "Humm, you smell good but you know I'm not an early riser Bella."

His voice was still thick with sleep and his morning mood was nestled against my ass. It was nice. "You may not be Carlisle but your cock certainly is. He's been up for a while."

"Well, I was having a very good dream Bella." I shivered as his lips moved up and down the back of my neck while his hands played along my ribs. "We were in this same position only you were naked, I was inside you and we were very close. If it weren't for these bloody underwear …"

I smiled when he started rubbing his arousal against me. This man was insatiable. "Humm that does sound good but…"

"Oh, no you don't. You're not going anywhere." He growled, flipping me on my back before settling between my legs, rocking into me hard enough to make me moan for him. "Your skins cold, so I know you weren't in bed with me, naughty girl where'd you go?"

It was difficult to answer with his lips attached to mine but I tried. Finally, I pushed on his chest to let him know I needed to breathe. His lips surrendered mine but they found other places to kiss; my neck, my collarbone, the skin beneath my jaw…Merde the man was good.

"Is that Charcoal on your fingers Bella?" He asked between kisses, I could only nod in response. "What were you drawing, love?"

"You."

He pulled back to look at me, his lips curved in a shit eating grin and his brows quirked up in question. "Should I be worried that you were drawing me while I was sleeping, huh?"

"No, you looked h..happy and sexy and I…I just wanted to…capture it. I won't show it to anyone…I could toss it if that makes you uncomfortable…" I rambled stupidly, the blush creeping from my chest to my cheeks.

Why hadn't I considered that fact that maybe, just maybe he'd feel like uneasy about my using him that way? I should have asked, but asking would have defeated the purpose of capturing his candid slumber. I didn't want to throw away the sketch…it, along with so many others were among the best line work I had done. I blushed even harder remembering just how many sketches I had of him.

I felt his fingers caress my face but I didn't open my eyes. Fuck, how would he feel about the paintings? "Bella, honey, look at me. I'm not mad."

"NO?"

"No, I'm not mad, the opposite in fact. How many sketches have you done?"

My eyes widen and I licked my now dry lips. Could he read the number in my eyes? I had done too many, mostly in class while he lectured…others from memory.

"A few."

He laughed. Loudly. What was with him laughing when I was clearly embarrassed? I pinched his arm and crawled out from under him only to plop myself down on my Bristol board—I didn't need him seeing what I was drawing.

"I wasn't making fun of you, sweet girl. You just looked so guilty; I'm guessing you've done quite a few." Carlisle said coming to kneel in front of me, placing his hot hands on my knees. "Would you show them to me, please?"

"I'm not falling for that seductive tone Carlisle, or your magic hands. And stop laughing…it's not funny, it's embarrassing." I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted, fully aware that I was being somewhat ridiculous. I was a fucking artist for Christ sake, half of Paris has seen my work but somehow showing them to Carlisle was…oddly like bearing my soul. What would he see when he looked at my renditions of his body, face and eyes?

What if he didn't like it?

He purred and massaged my thighs. "You're adorable, Isabella, so shy about sharing your work with me. I've seen a lot of it already…Please show me, baby."

"Nope." I huffed, my resolve weakening.

"Bella," he whispered, moving an inch from my face. His breath was warm and washing over my skin, clouding my focus, making me forget the embarrassment. "If you show me, I'll let you paint me while I'm awake…would you like that?"

My heart pounded against my ribs loudly at the thought of him posing for me, willingly, naked on the sofa. I wasn't one to do nudes; I had done a few and never really enjoyed the crowds it drew but there was something wholly erotic about painting him. Paint was forever and once he was on canvas I'd always have a piece of him. _Holy hell, he'd look fantastic in oils!_ Carlisle could tell I was excited by the idea and moved to kiss my chest, hoping to seal the deal.

"Your heart is beating so fast Bella. You like that don't you sweetheart. For me to be your subject….at your mercy…yours for the taking? I can tell you like the idea…all you have to do is show me."

His deep blue eyes held me captive like a snake charmer. His stare coupled with his words and not to mention his gloriously naked body, made my brain melt and heat pool between my legs.

_God, I love you Carlisle._

Swiftly I was hauled over his shoulder and tossed unceremoniously on the bed with a bounce. Before I could even comprehend what had happened he was standing on the other side of the room with my sketch pad in his hands and a sly grin on his face.

"You tricked me!" I threw my arms over my eyes. I didn't want to see his face as he saw just how detailed all my drawings of him were.

"Bella, love don't be mad. I just wanted to…"

For a moment the only sounds in the room were the rasp of paper scarping against paper and his rapid breathing, then it was too quite. Maybe he had left the room? Eventually curiosity got the better of me and peeked from beneath my elbow. He was standing in the same place I had seen him last only the sketch board was on the table and his hand were fisted at his sides.

"Isabella, when do you have to go to class?"

"Why?"

"Answer me please." I recognized that controlled voice and I shivered in response to his feral expression; it only ever meant good things were to come. Oh God, I hope I'd be coming. Before I could finish answering, he came over and lifted me from the bed, wrapping my legs firmly around his waist, trapping his arousal between us. I shamelessly ground myself on him while he carried me into the bathroom, cursing the bit of fabric in the way.

Bloody underwear!

_Now, you sound like him._

I was vaguely reminded of the reoccurring fantasy I had of him taking me in the shower and hoped we'd be able to cross this on off the mental checklist. Smiling as if he knew what I was thinking Carlisle set me down on the counter and turned on the water before coming back to me. Without saying a word, he undressed me, touching every inch of skin he uncovered.

_Au revoir bloody undies!_

I whimpered when Carlisle brushed my inner thighs with his fingertips, igniting a fire deep inside with his seemingly innocent touch. I wanted more but his eyes told me to be patient. His smirk told me he was enjoying this too much to stop.

Pulling me into the shower and under the stream of water, he kissed me hard, holding me in his arms.

"Turn around, Isabella." He whispered thickly against my ear.

I did as he told, loving the way my name rolled off his rich voice. I had never liked Isabella, but I loved the way he said it, deep and warm, I could almost believe he got the same pleasure from saying it as I got from hear him say it. I heard him grab the shower gel and lather his hands, groaning quietly to himself about something as his hands lovingly caressing me, gently washing my skin, kneading my shoulders and following my spine to the curve of my waist where he his thumbs rubbed small circles into my lower back.

Fuck those hands, have I mentioned how much I love his hands.

I gasped his name as when I felt his lips on the very top of my thigh. I hated not seeing him but the anticipation of what he'd do next was highly erotic. He chuckled at my reaction and did it again on the other leg, biting me softly before continued washing my legs, paying attention to every inch of my lower body except the one that was throbbing.

Fucking tease!

"Isabella, have I ever left you unsatisfied?" Carlisle whispered into my ear reaching around to cup my beasts from behind.

"No." I squeaked when he rolled my nipples.

"Then…relax and let me bathe you." I nodded, leaning into him, desperate for a connection. He pulled back a bit and asked me to be patient…for his sake.

_Yeah that has never been my strong point Carlisle. _

"You look so beautiful wet, did you know that?" He told me, kissing my temple and letting me feel the effect washing me was having on him. "If I could show you, I would. If I was an artist I'd show you."

All I could think about was him, I silently begged him to finish washing my stomach so I could return the favor, sink down on my knees and take him into my mouth but I lost all train of thought when his finger dipped into my navel. How did I not know it was so sensitive?

By the time he ventured between my legs I was quivering.

"You're so wet Isabella, is there something you want?"

He had the nerve to ask, wasn't it obvious? With a frustrated huff, I thrust my hips back against his impossibly hard cock, enjoying the deep moan that escaped his lips. I did it again, this time reaching around to grasp his thigh for leverage. "What do you think, Carl—"

I felt a sharp pleasurable sting on my ass, only realizing as his teeth scraped my shoulder that he had spanked me. _Zut Alors, do it again! _

"If you keep that up I'm not…sure I can be gentle, Isabella."

"Then don't be."

Those three words were all Carlisle needed. With a growl, he pushed me against the tile, attacking my neck while one hand gripped my waist, trapping me between the cold tile and his feverishly hot body. The contrast was amazing and my nipples agreed with me. He ground his erection into my back without qualms or reservations about how I would react and I loved this about him. The uncanny way he was able discern exactly what I wanted and give it to me as if he had been born to do so.

His ragged breathe washing over my skin as he felt my wetness coat his fingers. Without warning, he slammed two elegant fingers inside of me, spanking me a bit harder this time. My head fell against the tile and cried out as he started rhythmically fucking me. Each thrust of his fingers was punctuated with a swat slightly harder than before taking to the very edge before he backed off.

I was a quivering mass of sensations and moans, unable to form words as he claimed my body in the exact way I had pictured. Carlisle was groaning behind me and I could tell he was getting as much pleasure out of this as I was.

"Oh God…you like this don't you." I moaned in protest as his fingers left me only to be given another swat, "Such a needy girl. Turn around Isabella; I want to see your face."

I did as I was told and found myself pushed back against the shower wall as Carlisle lifted me up and sank into me with one hard thrust of his hips. My shriek mingled with his grunt.

"Why does this always feel so damn good?" He asked, thrusting into me harder than he had ever before. "God…Isabella, do you know how fucking sexy it was to see your drawings? To know exactly how you see me."

No, I honestly had no idea but I was starting to get it.

Perhaps it was my lust alluded brain but the thrum of water seemed to match the beat of Carlisle hips. I reveled in his thrusts, my back slipping up the wall as he drove into me and refused to close my eyes, to surrender to the pleasure because his face was a sight to behold.

His blond hair was dark and matted against his head. Beads of water gathered and rippled down his cheeks and lips only to be lapped up by me. He tasted amazing and I couldn't keep the moan at bay. His fingers tighten on my legs, his nails digging into my skin so hard I was sure he'd leave marks. He was close, I could tell and so was I. I needed him, even when I had him the need for all of him was there.

"How could you think I'd be angry…fuck! You…watching me, drawing me…has to be the most erotic thing. Fuck, it was so…hot, so intimate."

_I love you. Carlisle I love you_

The steam was making it hard to breathe as it intensified the scent of us, together. With each breath I took him deeper and deeper, into my heart and soul and suddenly I couldn't take any more. The feel of him pressed against me so fully, the heat I felt licking my skin from the inside out and us being joined in the most basic way…I came, declaring my love for him silently against his shoulder.

"You don't need to ask, Bella, you don't…oh fuck…I'm yours, you can do whatever you want baby." He yelled as his orgasm over took him.

We both caught our breath, still wrapped in each other. Gently stroking his hair I told him I loved him, just as I had before—quietly into his skin where he couldn't hear or see the words being said. It was too soon to let him know but once I allowed myself this tiny deceleration I could help myself, I wanted to do it repeatedly.

How good would it feel to say it out loud and to his handsome face?

_You could always find out…you don't have much time here Bells!_

"I've never had shower sex before, Carlisle."

He laughed and kissed my lips tenderly, "Glad to be your first love."

xXXx

The whole ride to school I felt like I was being watched, perhaps I was being paranoid but Alice's warning struck a chord with me. I kept telling myself Jacob was too lazy to do anything but I still trusted Alice—sure she hurt me with her secret but I trusted her with my life and if she said Jake was up to something then I was inclined to believe her.

I got to class before her, so I just waited and when she did show up she plopped down on the stool and started setting up her stuff.

"Hey, Ali, here I got you coffee." I pushed the cup towards her, noticing the way she hesitated before reaching for the cup as if I had just offered her Chanel pumps. The coffee was not a bribe…it was more of a silent apology for all the horrible things I accused her of with Carlisle.

"Thanks babe. So…did dinner go well? You didn't call me…you always call me. You aren't…mad at me…are you?" This wasn't what I was expecting. Alice didn't ease into conversations…it wasn't her style.

"No, Ali I'm not mad at you. I was just kinda tired afterward but he liked the food. I'll tell you about it later." She smiled softly and nodded thoughtfully. "Alice, you know that you can tell me anything right?"

"Why…why would you say that? I mean, I know that I can tell you anything but…why would you say that?"

I shrugged and kissed her cheek. "You just looked like you needed reassurance. I love you Ali."

Her brilliant smile returned and she returned the sentiment. She would tell me when she was ready; I had to hold on to that. The rest of the class was spent listening to our professor talk about the importance of knowing the sensual lines of the body, the curves and dips. My mind kept going Carlisle's dips and curves, his sharp lines and hard planes. Art class was getting a hotter and hotter as she spoke. She urged us to use a model of our own choosing and it was suspicious how much Alice's figures looked like Jasper.

Class ended and we walked out together, while I told her about dinner—leaving out the outburst—the couch-escapades and this morning's shower session. "Alice, I swear I thought I was going to have a damn heart attack. I now get why you love having sex in the shower…wow. Just wow!"

"I told you Ducky. I told you there was something dark and passionate lurking under those glasses and tailored pants. Speaking of the Mr. Sex God…is he waiting for you at home naked chained to the bed or something?"

I laughed and smacked her arm. "NO! He's here, in his office...meeting with some students."

"Some students? Why aren't you over there? You could be his naughty student...or better yet give him a blow job in his office and get a gold star!" Two guys looked at her in utter shock, I on the other hand was used to the way she spoke. "What? Please douches…you've never heard anyone talk about blow jobs. Shit! I know you guys have never had one but…come on!"

"Alice, leave them alone." I dragged her away for the two boys. They couldn't have been any younger than we were but they looked absolutely virginal.

"Fucking gamer nerds, if they'd stop playing Halo they'd get laid once in a while. I have something to do tonight but you want to hang out tomorrow…Girls Night? We haven't had one in a while." She asked, practically vibrating in her designer jeans.

I agreed and watched as she got into her car and drove away. Girls Night would be nice, I missed my friend. Of course that meant I'd have to give up a day with Carlisle, a day I really couldn't afford but Ho's before Bro or whatever the female versions of that was. Just the thought of him made me blush and for a second I thought about going to visit him but I thought better of it. I'd probably end up giving him the blow job and Carlisle tended to get carried away when I did that.

Having Carlisle calling out _Oh Bella yes!_ would not be an ideal way to hide our relationship.

At first, I thought perhaps I had walked in the wrong direction but it was my Ducati alright and some asshole was sitting on it. Who was the asshole in question?

"What are you stalking me now? Get the fuck off my bike Jake!"

"I was just in the neighborhood, Bella baby. What, your man can ride Viggo but I can't. I see how it is." The fucker was still on my bike, smiling like the cocky bastard he was.

"Jacob, I'm not going to tell you again. Get. Off. My. Bike."

"Fine, I'm off now, happy?" Shoving him out of the way, I mounted the bike and zipped up my jacket. "Did you see the pictures of us?"

"Yes, you should be happy. Free publicity, we all know how much you love the attention. And before you start bitching at me, if you didn't want to look like a jackass you shouldn't have crashed the show. You weren't invited and I sure as hell don't like seeing you."

"Well, you didn't leave me much of a choice, Bella baby."

"Stop calling me that. I'm not your fucking baby."

"That's right; I hear you're banging some guy Charlie doesn't like…he's pissed Bells. You should really talk to him. Billy and I really don't like seeing him so worried, he's not gonna be around forever you know. He's all the family you have."

He knew just how much my lack of family bothered me, his slight hurt me but where before his callous comments made me cry, now they made me pissed. I fought the urge to punch him or push him in the middle of traffic. "You know what Jake; if Charlie needs to tell me something let him tell me. I don't need you or your father sticking your noses in our business. Get the fuck out my way before I run you over."

"So violent…what you sugar daddy not giving it to you hard enough? I heard he's old enough to be your daddy, never pegged you for a geriatric fucker but I guess people change."

"Oh, geriatric…was that on your Word-a-Day toilet paper? People change all the time, case in point, you used to like girls and now you like taking it up the ass. I was dating an asshole boy and now I know better and found a man. Get out of the way, I will run you over." To prove my point I started the engine, revving it for emphases.

"See you around _Bella Baby_."

_Mother Fucker._

I pushed Viggo harder than I should have, I wasn't safe and I sure as hell broke some traffic laws but I didn't care. I just wanted to get home but as I pulled into my spot I realized that my place was empty. Carlisle wouldn't be back until much later and I had the whole afternoon free. Maybe I'd paint.

Stepping into the elevator, I pushed the button and asked myself why I had picked an apartment on the fucking fifteenth floor. It always took so long to get all the way up.

"Have I told you about my reoccurring fantasy of you, that fetching motor jacket and this lift? You might reconsider simply being my friend."

"Felix," I turned to find him smiling, leaning back on the elevator wall with his hands in his pockets. "Keep your fantasies to yourself. I'm not in the mood today."

The smug smile faded. Tugging on the sleeve of my jacket, he asked me if everything was fine, his concern was as clear as his eyes. I told him about Jacob and Ali's warning. If there was one person that hated Jake more than me, my dad and or Carlisle, it was Felix.

"Fucking Hell! I'm with the pixie on this one love, that prat is up to something. Be careful please. I know I fuck around with you, flirt like mad but I mean it Bellar. Try not to be alone with him. I don't trust the prick."

"You sound like Carlisle." Carlisle got a bit over protective on me when I told him what Alice had said, he begged me to be careful. It was startling to find out that Carlisle had seen him at his book signing but when I thought about it I realized that that was where Alice had seen him. Alice was with Jasper and Jasper was Carlisle's family, it was natural for her to be there. It only hurt because I couldn't be there, at least not in the way I wanted to be there. I longed to be there as a supportive and proud girlfriend and not as a rep for Canard.

"Carlisle?" Fuck! I covered my mouth but it was too late, I had already said it. Were we supposed to be hiding from Felix? "I knew a bloke named Carlisle in school, we were best mates for a while then he left and I never heard from him. Handsome fucker if my memory serves me correct, only slightly better looking than moi. All the birds wanted him. He was a hell of a midfielder, brilliant football skills."

I looked at him disbelievingly. Carlisle wasn't exactly a common name and what were the chances my neighbor would know someone with that exact name, from England, who played football?

_Midfielder, did he say midfielder? OH please be an attacking midfielder!_

We got out and I was still mulling over asking him if he remembered his friend's last name. Could I trust him to be discreet? I had saved his ass when one of his girls got too attached to him and his dick. Yeah, he owed me.

"Bellar?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking about something." I mumbled, digging around for my keys.

"Do I get to meet the man or do I just get to hear you two going at it." He wagged his eye brows, squeezing my wrist playfully. "Ahh, it's so sweet that blush or yours. I thought your voice would be a little horse after what I heard."

"Fuck you Felix."

"I keep asking but you continue to reject me. Oh, don't be like that love, the frown doesn't suit you. It wasn't crass, it actually quite sexy. You shouldn't be embarrassed."

Was I that loud?

_Yes, you do recall what he did to you on the couch, right?_

Ahh, yes, the couch.

"Bellar, you're blushing again. Two questions; how far does it go and does Carlisle enjoy it as much as I do? "

"You're such a pig, Felix." He shrugged and gave me his panty dropping smile. "That smile doesn't work on me. You should know that by now."

"A man can only dream, love…" He trailed off, looking at something over my shoulder and I assumed it was a woman because he turned his smile up a notch. "Hello. Am I expecting you or are you just a lovely surprise."

"Nice try buddy but I'm married. No…baby don't push the button."

I whirled around to see the owner of that voice.

"Rosalie?"

xXXx

She sat on my couch looking even more nervous than I felt. Her twins were sitting in one of my chairs and Jackson was looking over at me with a bright smile. The boy was adorable, chubby with dimpled cheeks, dirty blonde curls and his mommy's eyes. Nikki was watching me just like her brother but the kid look ready to drop. Why was she always so sleepy?

"Rosalie, I'm not sure what to say here. I mean civil is one thing but…" What are you doing here and how the hell did you find out where I live?

"I know Bella; I don't really expect you to trust me. It's just that I need your help. Well, not really help but more along the lines of a favor. "

"Umm, would you like to talk in the kitchen?" I asked, still uncertain of her motives, shifting my gaze from the kids back to her face. Are you supposed to talk openly in front of them?

She agreed and told her kids not to get up or touch anything because she would know and there would be no cookies when they got home. Even I got chills, and inexplicably worried about misbehaving. _I want a cookie, I'll be good I promise! _Both babies nodded like angels, their matching eyes going wide. I shot them a goofy grin as soon as their mother/dictator turned her back; they giggled but didn't move an inch.

Merde, she had them trained.

When I came into the kitchen I bumped into her but in my defense she was just stalled out in the middle of the walkway. Who just stops dead center like that, I mean put your effing blinkers on.

"Wow."

"Yeah, the view is nice, it's nicer at night. Would you like some water…or tea?" She declined and sat herself on down still keeping an eye and ear in the room just beyond the double doors.

"Isabella, I wasn't talking about the view, I was actually referring to the paintings. Despite the impression I gave you, you are very talented. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise."

I stared at her in shock. Rosalie was acting all shades of crazy and I was thrown. "Ok. Let's cut the crap Rosalie. Have you been body snatched? I mean just this Saturday you were spitting at me and now, you're sitting in my kitchen complimenting me. What gives, not that I don't enjoy the break from your insults but I have to know what you're doing here and why you're here with your twins."

"Would you believe me if I told you? It's not much of an excuse but it's all I have."

"Try me."

With a heavy sigh she explained, everything. I listened and as each word spilled from her mouth, I found myself hating her less. I began seeing the person that saved Carlisle so many years ago, the women that helped him pick up pieces of his life. She was strong, hardheaded and tenacious. Don't get me wrong, we weren't going to be friends anytime soon but at least we could see eye to eye. While she told her reason for showing up at my apartment, I understood what was different about her. She looked tired, pale, and apprehensive. As if Emmett would turn his back on her? For whatever reason he loved her, worshiped her unfailingly and I told her that, she thanked me for being kind to her. Kindness, it wasn't such a big thing to give her and I suppose she needed that for what she had to do today.

"So, you'll do it, Isabella?" I nodded and asked her jokingly if she trusted me but on the inside, I was panicking…just a bit. "If Carlisle, Jasper and Emmett trust you then…I'd have to be stupid not to. Emmett suggested it, actually."

"Well, that's nice to know, I guess. I'd wish you luck but I'm sure you don't need it. Emmett's going to be so happy. Last time I saw him he looked like someone killed his dog and kicked him in the nuts."

"I hope so, Emmett looks big and tough but he's really sensitive. Isabella…I have to go but I…didn't know that you weren't aware of Alice and Jasper's relationship. I had no idea. I just figured you knew and I'm sorry about being the one the tell you. I'm sure I wasn't the one you wanted to hear from."

"Not really but what's done is done Rosalie, I understand. Now, go talk to your giant husband and don't worry about anything. I can handle them." I hope, I added in my head.

She smiled and hugged me. I froze as she trapped my arms at my sides. This was most defiantly new and I couldn't say I cared for it too much but she was trying.

By the door she gave me instructions to not let them walk all over me, to not let Nikki near my paints and to make sure Jackson wasn't alone in the kitchen for any amount of time. Wasn't it common sense not leave children in kitchens alone, ever? While she kissed them both good bye I started having doubts. What did I know about babies, I had never babysat or changed a diaper? Did they even wear diapers? What do you do with babies?

"Isabella, thank you so much for doing this for me and Emmett—I really need to talk to him." I nodded studying her face for a while—perhaps it was my imagination but it seemed much softer. "Don't worry, they're pretty much potty trained but they're both wearing pull ups and food wise they aren't picky. Chocolate makes them crazy and ice cream makes them hyper. Jackson is calmer than Nikki is but she was up all night so I doubt she'll be a terror. They love to dance so if you don't know what to do with them put on some music and you'll be fine."

She hugged me again and this time I hugged her back. It still wasn't something I liked but seeing as her ice queen mask was seemingly thrown out the window I could learn to live with it. She _was_ trusting me with what was most precious to her. Why I wasn't sure, maybe because I was the only one that knew what was going on with her.

Closing the door and locking it, I turned back to the twins.

"Looks like it's just us guys." They both looked at me with disbelieving expressions on their tiny faces. I was still waiting for the crying; wouldn't they cry at being left with a stranger? "Do you guys want to watch a movie?"

I felt like such an idiot, standing there like a deer in headlights.

Why didn't I spend more time around children?

_Because they were never any around, duh!_

Jackson hopped off the chair, looking at his sister as if to say _I got this_, and walked over to where I was standing. Holding on to my legs he peeked behind me, walked a circle around where I was standing and checked the door. If I hadn't been scared shitless of them both breaking down in tears when they realized their mommy was gone I would have laughed at how adorably serious he was being.

Nikki watched us eyes wide, suddenly not so tired. With a shriek Jackson wrapped his arms around my legs and gave my knees sloppy open mouthed kisses, all traces of seriousness gone. Nikki started jumping up and down clapping her hands joining us by the door.

"Jolie…tissy!" She screamed, pulling my hands so she could get to my face and give me a _tiss_. Then Jackson wanted a _tiss_, too.

These kids were adorable.

"Thank you for the kisses guys. Movie, you guys want to watch a movie?"

They shouted _mobie mobie mobie_ so that's what we did. We watched Ratatouille and by the time it was over the kids were laughing and yelling _Rat-patootie_ at the top of their lungs. I loved this movie and watching it was children oppose to Alice was a nice change. I asked if they were hungry and was met with more yelling.

Oh my god, are kids always this loud? Clearly the well behaved angel act was just that, an act.

What do I give them to eat?

As if sensing my dilemma Jackson trotted off to the living room, I followed him closely with Nikki on my hip. I was surprised she was so comfortable with me but was thankful for it nonetheless. It turns out Jackson knew that his mommy left some toddler friendly snacks in his bag.

"Here, Joey…tookies an tups." He told me, holding up the bags and Sippy cups proudly.

_Joey?_

"Thanks Jackson." I took his hand and set them both down on the island because they would fall off the stools, right?

I watched them as they attacked the cookies and chocolate milk I had put in their Sippy cups, making sure, they didn't get too excited and fall off.

Don't break the twins Bella. Don't break the twins.

"Joey, shushhhh. No tell mommy!" Jackson told me, giggling, only to have his sister join in on the shushing and _No tell mommy_. My guess was that Rosalie didn't let them drink chocolate milk; funny they didn't mention anything about hiding from daddy.

They finished and I cleaned up chubby crumb hands and cute dimpled cheeks, tickling their bellies. I decided we'd listen to some music and dance. They really liked that idea but they started tugging on my shirt and whispering something about potty time.

"You guys have to go potty?" I asked bending down to their level.

Oh, yeah the potty trip was fun. Nikki went first while I held her to make sure she didn't fall and the look on her face when she peed like a big girl was priceless. Jackson didn't want me in the bathroom, claiming that he was a big boy and I swear I saw Nikki roll her eyes. I was nervous, with my ear pressed to the door the entire time he was in there. What if something happened to him, what if he fell?

The door smacked me on the head when he came out but I guess it serves me right for standing so close to the door. Nikki was quick to come over and give me a _tissy _for my_ ouie_.

"All done, Joey! Ima do my potty dance!" He started shaking and it was hard not join in.

I put the stereo on and the dance hall began. They knew a lot of the songs I played, they'd call out their own grabbled version of the songs and show me how their daddy danced. Oh yeah, Emmett was toast the next time I saw him. Who teaches a baby how to do the sprinkler? I almost peed my pants when they both started singing to Daft Punk. Obviously Daft Punk was a staple during "dancey time", as they called it. As I watched these kids I could see why my father loved children so much, their joy was infectious. The world really did look so much better in the eyes of a child.

They started jumping and begging me to dance with them. So I did, first with Nikki and then with Jackson.

"Sing Joey! Sing song. Pleeeese." I smiled and agreed because I couldn't deny him such a sweet request.

"Yeah, Jolie, singgg, sing song peees."

Jackson looked down at his sister and corrected her on my name. I now I understood, he thought Jolie was Joey…which was kind of hilarious because neither was my name.

"Joey, pleeese!" Looking into his baby blues it didn't matter to me at all that I was Joey.

I was such a sucker for this kid!

_Did you ever see a man with no heart_

_Baby, that was me_

_Just a lonely, lonely man with no heart_

_Until you set me free_

_Now I can breathe, I can see, I can touch, I can feel_

_I can taste all the sugar sweetness in your kiss_

_You give me all the things I`ve ever missed_

_I`ve never felt like this_

_I`m alive, I`m alive, I`m alive_

I guess they liked my singing because Nikki started shaking her little butt in time with the music and Jackson was holding on to my hand while he wiggled on my hip. He kept urging me to sing and dance, he was pretty demanding. Jeez the boy was a lot like Carlisle.

_Now I can breathe, I can see, I can touch, I can feel_

_I can taste all the sugar sweetness in your kiss_

_You give me all the love I`ve ever missed_

_I`ve never felt like this_

_I`m alive—_

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here Carlisle? A dancing Bellar and two dancing ankle biters. If I were you I'd watch out for that boy on her hip, he might take your spot mate."

I turned around to see Felix and a very shocked looking Carlisle in my doorway. For a moment I wondered if Carlisle was feeling alright but then a dazzling smile spread across his face.

"The Hollies…Interesting song choice Bellar."

* * *

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	19. Green is my color

**A/N: Hey again! Once again thanks to all you guys. You're all aces and I heart you all.**

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CPOV

Outside of Bella's apartment building I took a few minutes to clam myself before I saw her—there was no need to over excite her for no reason. Leaning back against the seat rest, I gripped the steering wheel and I thought over the conversation I had today with Alistair. After I shoved that little harlot Colette out of my office, he called claiming to have an offer I couldn't refuse. Yes, I pictured Don Corlone.

_"Nothing too concrete yet Carlisle my boy and I still need to tell Dr. Lapointe but I say it's time to move on from here soon. Eyes are watching me everywhere."_

_Paranoid Bastard._

_"How did I know you'd been moving on soon—you never stay in one place too long. What has it been three years in France? Feel the northern winds churning do you Alistair?"_

_"Three long years and as a matter of fact, yes I do feel the winds. But like I said before, I've heard nothing but great things from your colleges and students, if all goes well after this month you might find yourself moving as well."_

_"Let's not get ahead of ourselves Alistair; we still have until after the final and if I know Jane at all I reckon she wants this more than anything else. Besides these students are driving me insane."_

_"Jane, Ha! Sadistic Harpy, her wants are none of my concern. Yes, the girls here are far from shrinking violets…they go for the balls and the title. Which one is giving you problems?"_

Which one was giving me problems?

There was only one that wasn't. Bella.

Amazingly enough, only female students showed up during my office hours. Not a one had any questions about their grades or the paper they needed to turn in on Friday or the final looming. No—all of them came to make innuendos and glean whatever personal information they could from me and flirt shamelessly. It was exhausting and by the tenth girl I began to get agitated and short—I was their fucking professor for the love of God and I had no interest in them what so ever. I had held out some hope the Isabella would pay me a little visit, I missed her and I wanted to hold her, especially after Collette's disgusting proposal, but she didn't show up. It was probably for the best, I had a hard time controlling myself with her and my office had a lock. A solid lock and a desk I had been dying to bend her over. I groaned and shifted in my seat.

_Time to get out of the car, Carlisle._

xXXx

I was still looking at the pieces of my phone when the elevator doors opened on Bella's floor—it was completely ruined. I hadn't really seen the jackass that shoulder checked me; I only heard what he called me and by the time I picked my phone off the floor, he was gone. The cracked screen turned on for a second; it flickered once, twice then went out, dead. I hated cell phone shopping. It was a hassle finding out which one had the best service, which one wouldn't charge me an arm and a leg to make out of state calls or send naughty texts messages to Bella.

Maybe I'd get her to help me.

"I fucking knew it! Trust Bellar to go and find fucking Golden Cullen!"

"Hammen the Hammer?" I asked, shocked.

Only a few people in the world knew that name and I was facing the man that had given it to me. I couldn't believe Felix was here, of all places. He looked the same as he did back when we were best mates, taller and stronger, but still the same crooked grin and smug demeanor. We had been friends since we were toddlers, I punched him for stealing my Chocolate Hob Nob and he punched my nose for stealing it back. I suppose strong bonds are formed over violence and Hob Nobs because we were inseparable after that and then the divorce happened and I never saw the man again.

Fuck the world truly is a small place.

Before I knew it, my old friend was giving me a hard man hug. Laughing at his enthusiasm I greeted him the way we had since we were boys.

"Why Golden Cullen?" I questioned, knowing the answer.

"Cause on the pitch he's fuckin' Golden! Why Hamman the Hammer?"

"Cause on the pitch he fuckin' nails it in!"

Felix threw his head back and laughed, holding on to my throbbing shoulder for support. "Well, I nail it on and off the pitch now Carlisle…if you know what I mean. How the hell have you been son, I haven't seen you in ages? Because you were my best mate I don't hate you too bad for never coming back to visit at least but fuck…where have you been?"

"Great, I'm doing great." I told him looking over at Bella's door. With her I was great. "I've been in Chicago. You know, after the divorce Dad wanted a change. England was too much for him…sorry I didn't keep in touch. I'm a professor these days. And you?"

"I do this and that, practice law, bed lovely women…you know same as before, well you know except for the law thing. Chicago, you say? Wow, your sister told us all you went to Scotland, both you and your dad—Teaching? I thought you wanted to be a doctor."

"Things change, Felix. So you're Bella's neighbor?"

He nodded, "Yeah, Bellar, its hard not to love that girl…"

Felix and I had our share of women back in the day. We'd dated the same girl once (by accident of course) but Bella was different—she was mine. I didn't like the way he said her name as if he knew her the way I knew her, or the way he was gazing at her door. I wondered if he undressed her with his eyes like he used to our football coach's sister. I'd knock his teeth out if I ever saw him watching her that way. He must have seen something in my face because he was quick to let me know that what he and_ Bellar_ had was innocent friendship, while I believed that it was innocent and harmless on Bella's side I had my doubts about his motives. I knew him and his whoring ways.

Had he touched her, been with her? As far as Bella told me, there had only ever been that dick Jacob and me.

I felt sick at the thought of Felix if he had had my Bella.

_She isn't your property to own Carlisle._

But I want her to be.

"Fuck look at the face on you! I haven't seen you look like that since Remi kissed your girl Jen back in the grade school. You're almost as infatuated with her as she is with you. This is fantastic, I mean great sex is one thing but you guys seem to have surpassed that. Bellar deserves that."

"She told you about our sex life."

"No, Bellar never talks about the stuff with me but she didn't have to mate, that blush and what I heard was enough to form my opinion." He told me wagging his eyebrow and clapping me on the back. "Nicely done, Carlisle, nicely done."

"She must have been so embarrassed, why can't you leave well enough alone Felix you fucker." I knocked three times but Demetri just chuckled behind me. "What?"

"First, I like seeing her blush. Second, it's nice to get back to our old ways…_Fucker_. And thirdly, she's not going to answer, can't you hear the music? It been pretty loud in there since the bitchy blonde left."

Rose? What the hell was she doing here? As I listened harder I realized that there was singing, loud singing and I knew those voices, but why would they be here?

He was opening the door telling me about the Blonde Barbie that had left a while ago. I didn't care when she left because I was seething as he put the key to Bella's apartment back in his pocket.

He had a fucking key!

"Sing Joey, pleeeease, sing. Dance, Joey." Jackson pleaded while his sister echoed him.

I froze at the door like an idiot, my useless phone still in my hand because there she was dancing and singing with my nephew and niece as if it was the most natural thing in world. Jackson was on her hip, his head on her shoulder watching her with amazement as she bounced back and forth singing to him words I was too preoccupied to listen to. Nikki's hand was tightly tugging on Bella's shirt as she kept trying to get Bella's attention to show off a dance move Emmett had no doubt taught her. Who teaches a child how to do the running man? Bella gave her a bright smile and my heart reacted.

I had never seen Bella looking more radiant—it looked perfect. For a second I allowed myself think about what it would be like to come home to this every day, minus Rosalie's children. Who was I kidding, with Rosalie's children. Alistair's offer was looking better and better as the minutes passed.

Felix must have said something because Bella and the children turned to face us. While Bella looked embarrassed at being caught, Jackson looked a tad put out with the interruption and the way she was looking at me. Honestly, I couldn't blame him for having a crush on her. Bella was enchanting. Before I could get to Bella and give her a kiss Jackson called out to his twin and let her know I was here. Nikki screeched and hoped into my waiting arms. Jackson smiled and held on tighter to Bella's neck, nestling against her; if I was carrying his sister, I couldn't touch Bella.

The kid was genius.

Bella and Felix talked, but I wasn't paying attention to their conversation. Jackson and I were engaged in a small staring war. He kept egging me on by giving Bella sloppy kisses on her checks, sticking his tongue out at me whenever she giggled and looked at him like he was the most adorable little thing. It was pathetic to be jealous of your baby nephew; I loved this kid more than anything but with every sideways glance he gave me I found myself wanting to plant sloppy kisses on Bella's lips just to show him who was really winning. Jesus, first Felix, now Jacks!

I wanted her lips, but I got Nikki's lips instead. The little princess was giving me _tissys _all over my face telling me that she loved me and that she and Jolie were going to color and that I was going to color with them.

I laughed at her tone. She left no room for discussion, just like her mother.

"Ohhh, he say tree dollar word Joey."

Ahh yes, Rosalie's famous swear jar. She put up the swear jar the day after her and Emmett got back from their honeymoon and it seemed that even Jackson was familiar with the penalties.

"We'll get those three bucks from him later ok, Jackson. Felix, can't you censor yourself at all? Rose is Carlisle's family and these two cutie pies are his niece and nephew, Nikki and, " Bella tickled Jackson's tummy before introducing him, "Jackson. Now get out of here before I call one of your _friends _to come and get you. Maybe if you were more occupied at home you wouldn't have time to be listening through walls."

Her cheeks were flaming and it made me wish I had been paying attention to what he had been saying. He laughed, telling her with an impish grin that he didn't need to listen very hard and that she was one of his _friends. _She bit her lip as her face turned a deeper shade of red. It was clear to me that this was how they bantered, he flirted and said inappropriate things, and Bella blushed and called him out on his crap.

"Don't make me ask for my key back Felix."

"Oh, love you can come and get it anytime you'd like…what are friends for?"

Mates or not, the man was going to get it in the face if he kept leering at her.

"Yes, I'm your friend but remember what we talked about…Je suis l'un ami que vous ne baisez pas occasionnellement."

_I am the one friend that you do not fuck on occasion._

Umm, Bella speaking her native tongue was my greatest turn on.

"Alright, love but I'm here. Be careful with the Jacob situation." Jacob situation? I looked at her but she told me she'd tell me later.

Felix turned to me with a genuine grin and patted me hard on the back. I had forgotten his abusive ways…he was always punching, slapping, shoving. "It was nice seeing you again Golden Cullen, try not to make her scream too loud, not that I didn't enjoy that, but…think of the neighbors."

"Felix you fu—"

"Funny guy." Bella added quickly, scolding me with her wide eyes for nearly cursing in front of the children.

_Nice save baby._

With a kiss to Jackson's forehead she put him down and shoved Felix out the door, muttering more than three dollar curse words at him but I guess it was fine because the kids didn't understand her.

"Joey gave me tissy not you…hahaha." He said before sticking his tongue out at me.

"Hey, Jackson, that's not nice." I smiled at her attempt to be stern but it wasn't working, once dimpled smile and she crumbled and gave him another kiss.

That was two she'd given him already while I had yet to get one…not that I was counting or anything. Bella looked up at me with an arch brow like she knew exactly what I had been thinking and went back to tickle the baby.

If we ever had children I'd have to be disciplinarian.

What was that? Children? These dreams were messing with my mind.

"Say sorry to your uncle, please."

He gave her his sad puppy eyes and put out his lip, "But I not sorry."

Bella looked at me for guidance but what are you going to do, force the kid to apologize? In all of this Nikki had scampered off to dig in her little back pack, dumping everything inside onto the floor. Once she found what she was looking for she ran into Bella's studio like she owned the place and called for Bella and I to come and_ tolor. _

Jackson was waiting for Bella to move, making sure to keep his tiny body between his girl and me as Bella just mouthed the word _Tolor_ in wonder.

"Joey, come on. Lets tolor!"

"Joey?" I asked her amused, because her name didn't even remotely sound like Joey.

"I'll tell you later." She grabbed both our hands and went to join Nikki.

"Are they spending the night?" I whispered in her ear. She shivered and I kissed her neck.

"No, Rose and Emmett will be here in about an hour and a half." Again I questioned the name. Rose? Isabella was calling her Rose now. I was fairly certain that in her thoughts Rosalie was referred to as something else. "I said I'll tell you later…_Golden Cullen_."

Well, the saucy girl had me there.

We colored in Disney books, me with Nikki and Bella with Jackson. He really didn't color so much, mostly the little boy watched Bella. Nikki got tired of the coloring pages and Jackson got tired of watching Bella color in his book. I was finished with the fairy princess page Nikki thrust at me and I was pretty proud of myself. My fairy had blue wings, brown hair and rosy cheeks, she looked fucking beautiful—yeah I'm confident in my manhood enough to say that. Bella being the genius that she is pulled out a pad of large blank pages and started drawing random things; little rats in air planes, ninjas, friendly looking vampires and zombies. My personal favorite was Bella's zombie superhero. Jackson really loved that one, as did Nikki, even if they had no idea what a zombie was.

They were so at ease with her. It had taken them a few weeks to feel comfortable with anyone other than their parents holding them yet here they were sitting on the floor practically in her lap. And best of all was the look on Bella's face—I could almost swear she was in love with them; for some reason that made me indescribably overjoyed. They were my family and she didn't need to love them but the fact that she did was beautiful.

"What? Why are looking at me like that Carlisle?"

Instead of answering I just kissed her temple enjoying the flush of her cheeks. Jackson wasn't too happy with me; he was pouting and glaring at me with his arms crossed. She's mine buddy, get use to it.

The kids got bored of coloring and decided to start screaming for a movie. I contemplated reprimanding them for being so loud and not asking politely but…I was their uncle not parent, so I let it slide and set the two of them on the couch to watch some weird program with dancing monsters. I asked Bella if she was sure about this show—it looked sketchy to me but she insisted that they'd like it.

"DJ Lance Rock is the best, they'll love it." Bella told me, checking the balcony for the third time before walking out to answer the phone.

She was convinced the door would unlock itself every time she turned her back.

"Carly…put it up peese, can't hear."

"I ask Joey, Carly busy."

"No you don't Jackson." I reached him just before he got to the door, kissing his chubby cheeks and putting him back with his sister. I ignored the way he whipped his check, but it kinda hurt. Before Bella the kid loved me. "Jacks Bella's on the phone with your mommy so she can't come over here right this second. I put up the TV but you guys can't act like monkeys. Dance on the floor not Bell's couch."

"Jolie." Nikki corrected

"Joey." Jackson corrected.

I decided to watch for a bit. Green monster, happy cheese and chicken leg, a smiling pool of grape juice in the monster's tummy and dancing—my girl was a genius!

Bella was leaning against the counter, head cocked toward the open door as she listened in on the kids when I leaned in to kiss her neck. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder, she smelled like baby. I wanted to tell her but I wasn't sure how she'd react to that.

"Jackson keeps giving me dirty looks. I think someone had a crush on someone."

"Are you jealous of your nephew Carlisle?" She giggled, sinking further into me. Humm, how long had she been carrying them? Her clothes smelled just like them—mild soap, coco butter and talcum powder.

Arousing.

"Well, he _has_ gotten more kisses than I have."

"Are the kids watching?" Bella asked turning around to face me. I shook my head. _Are the kids watching? _Did she know what saying those words did to me? "Good, I missed you so much. It's been an odd day."

Bella kissed me, holding me closer to her body. I kissed her back, licking her lips and swallowing her soft moans. It had been an odd day for me as well and getting back to her was what I needed. Collette's revolting lips and Alistair's premature hopes drained away.

xXXx

Rose and Emmett came to pick up the twins around six forty. Emmett looked dazed with a foolish smile of his face while Bella and Rose talked quietly. He answered every question I asked with a _Yeah…baby_. How was your date, Em? _Yeah…baby_. Where did you guys eat? _Yeah…baby_. Did Zombies eat your brain? _Yeah…baby_. I didn't know what to make of his behavior and when I asked Rose, she and Bella smiled at a secret I wasn't being let in on. I wasn't sure if I liked them being friendly with each other but even I had to admit it was better than the verbal lashings. Nikki was asleep in Emmett's arms and even as he walked out kissing Bella on the cheek his eyes never left Rose. He looked like a love sick puppy—I guess everything was back to normal. Rose kissed my cheek and told me to be careful. Jackson gave his good bye kisses to Bella or Joey as kept calling her but refused to give me anything other half hearted wave. It might have been because I was staying with his new love.

Poor kid had it bad.

After they left Bella and I ate dinner, but I could tell you what we had because she kept talking about the kids and how scared she had been at first, how adorable they were and how comfortable she felt with them once I got here. It took a lot out of me to not just hoist her on the counter and take her then and there.

Her maternal side was too attractive to me.

We were lying on her couch watching some Spanish movie, our legs tangled while I played with her hair. She still smelled the same as when I got home, her skin was warm and soft. My hand drifted from her hip to her flat stomach and I pictured a tiny swell—I couldn't help it, she smelled like babies.

The credits rolled and I felt her fingers skimming my cheeks, "You got new glasses."

I nodded, I had just gotten them. They weren't black, but they were quite nice and it beat the hell out of wearing contacts. "I like them, you look adorable and sexy. I don't know what it is about you and glasses that makes me so happy…or horny. I think I have nerd boy fantasies."

Boy? I wasn't a boy? And I wasn't a nerd! Why did everyone always say that?

"Oh, Carlisle…don't worry you're a hot," kiss, "sexy," kiss, "sweet," kiss, "and amazing nerd. You're my nerd." Her lips finished their journey up my neck, landing on my lips as she moved to straddle me.

"Well when you put it that way how can I complain?" I laughed against her lips, holding on to her jean clad hips. "Is it later yet, Joey?"

"He is too cute! Oh don't pout like that Carlisle, he's a baby."

Sitting on my thighs she told me why Jackson called her Joey. I laughed and vowed to call her Joey all the time. She didn't like that—she claimed that he could call her that, but that I couldn't. I made a move to argue but she reminded me that I called her Isabella and she didn't let _anyone_ call her that._ I wonder why she lets me_. Whatever happiness I felt knowing she gave me alone that privilege turned to anger when the Jacob situation was brought up.

The bastard was stalking her, showing up places he knew she'd be. He knew where she lived, where she went to school, he even knew where to find her father. He hit her where it hurt the most, Charlie. They hadn't spoken in a while and as much as she tried to hide it I knew she wanted Charlie to be on her side. He was not. Carefully lifting her off me I got up and started pacing. Ever since she had told me about Alice's warning the mere thought of him near Bella made me angry, him planning something with the sole purpose of causing her harm was inconceivable to me. He cheated on her, what right did he have to be upset about whom she had in her life. Worse even was her attitude about it, she truly believed he would do nothing.

Madness!

"Isabella, please. You have to understand that this isn't something you just brush off. He was here! That sack of shit was here, Isabella. What if it hadn't been me walking inside…what if it had been you? Have you thought of that? My phone is replaceable but you are not. I don't like this, not one bit—"

"Wait, what happened to your phone?" She asked perplexed.

I told about the man in the hoodie that crashed into me as I walked into her building. He took me completely off guard while I was talking to Jasper, and while my shoulder was only a tad sore my phone had faired too well when it smashed against the wall. I hadn't known who it was at the time but when Bella told me Jacob's inventive nickname for me, I knew exactly who the hoodie man was. _Sugar Daddy._ He called me that as he walked out of the building.

Asshole. I hated this asshole.

"He what? He hurt you? Fuck, I'll kill him/" Her display of anger was not only endearing but very hot. When she pissed her eyes got dark and determined, the arch of her eyebrows was beyond sexy and her mouth tended to curve in the most fetching way. I wanted her and I was sure she could tell.

"Are you ok Carlisle?"

She went from angry to concerned in seconds.

I nodded but she got up anyway, whipping my shirt off my body to examine my shoulder. Gingerly her fingers probed the area murmuring to herself about the bruise I was going to have. I felt my pants tighten uncomfortably when her lips touched a tender part.

_Down boy, not now. Later._

He didn't listen to me.

Taking my hand, she led me to the bathroom, flipped on the lights, and started rummaging through her medicine cabinet. Unable to keeps my hand to myself I stood behind her as she searched and held her hips. They fit my hands perfectly. She let out a small cry of triumph at finding whatever it was she was looking for.

Silently she rubbed the salve on my shoulder, making sure she got every inch of the reddened skin.

"There, all taken care of. It won't bruise as bad now." She kissed my cheek and started washing her hands.

"Thank you Bella." No one had taken care of me in a while. She even cared about my bruising?

This maternal side of her was driving me insane.

I hadn't noticed I was pressing my hard on into her but she had. Reaching behind she caressed me through my pants and squeezed my rapidly growing erection, earning her a groan. I swear this woman could arouse a deaf, dumb, blind kid. The fucking Pinball Wizard himself would fall to her charms. In the mirror Bella arched her eyebrow at me; I simply nodded gripping her hips tighter.

She laughed low and sultry and slipped out of my reach and moved to the door way. Smiling she took off her jeans and tossed them at me before walking out of the bathroom giving me a perfect view of her very tiny underwear.

_Does she do this shit to mess with me? _

I followed her into the bed room and found her standing demurely at the foot her bed, dressed now in a tiny tank top that happened to match the underwear. "Do you do that on purpose, Isabella?"

I had never noticed the way she reacted when I used her full name, but I did now. She closed her eyes and hummed softly, her checks growing pink. So fucking beautiful.

"Do what?"

"Wear things with the Union Jack printed on them…_Isabella_."

Again she hummed, a little louder this time. After removing my jeans I sat down in the arm chair and watched her skin flush and pebble at my words. "Isabella…" Always so responsive.

"Yes." Opening her eyes, she walked over to me and sat down, her legs on the outside of mine. "I bought these a long time ago; I thought you'd like them." Grinding her against my near painful erection, I let out a growl. She knew what she was doing. She smirked, "I'm guessing I was right."

Sinking to her knees, she pulled me out and I hissed at the cool air hitting my naked sensitive skin. Looking up at me, she started stroking me lazily, her thumb coming to circle the head. Her hands were warm and soft and felt like heaven but I wanted her lips, her mouth. She must have read my mind because she bent down and kissed the head before putting my cock in her hot mouth. My hands went to her head, threading my finger through her silky strands as she bobbed up and down on me, sucking and swirling her tongue round and round under the skin there. She moaned and the sound vibrated through me like a fire bolt all the way down to my balls. The urge to thrust, guild her movement wasn't getting any easier to control.

Pulling my hands I away I gripped the seat instead. She made a frustrated noise and let me go with a loud pop but didn't stop the long strokes to the part of me that did fit in her mouth.

"Why'd you pull you hands away?" She asked, sliding my foreskin all the way back. Her hot breath fanned over me making more pre cum to dribble out only to be swiped by her tongue. My breath faulted and my pulse raced.

Up and down, exposed head, covered head, cool, warm. How was she doing this to me? Women always treated an uncut penis like a fucking foreign object. Had she done research? I don't know why that turned me on even more.

"Oh…God…Bella. More, please." I looked down at her and I had to close my eyes. The sight of her between my legs, hands on me, her face straight out of my erotic fantasies. "Shit…that feels so good."

"Answer me Carlisle." I moaned, my hips jerking. "I'll stop."

"No. Don't."

"Then answer me." She was gone. I couldn't feel her anywhere. My eyes snapped open and I whimpered, I actually fucking whimpered. Bella was sitting back on her heels, hands on her thighs wearing a smug expression.

What was the question? Think man, think.

She sighed and my cock jerked between us. She must have read confusion on my face because she repeated the question. Why did I move my hands?

_Ahh, because I don't want to fuck your face, Bella._

"I just didn't want to…use…you that way." She smiled sweetly at me and returned to place, doubling her efforts. My fingers gripped the armrest tighter and she grabbed them and placed them on the back of her head. "Oh, fuck…I'm not going to last much longer Isabella."

She moaned and I started guiding her, thrusting into her mouth. She looked up at me through her lashes. My fingers tighten in her hair as I thrust harder, faster. When Bella reached down to massages my balls I lost it. "Bella, move…please, I'm…gonna…" She shook her head and sucked harder. I came hard, roaring her name over and over.

Gently she kissed my cock and sat back on her heels, her hands still on my thighs.

"Bella…that was…WOW."

"Eloquent Cullen." She laughed smacking my thighs lightly. Her hair was knotted and messy form my fingers, her cheeks were pink and her entire body glistened. She looked like she had been loved and loved well. "Come on, let's get to bed baby."

My cock twitched, gearing up for round two. The women needed to be studied; her effect on the male recovery time was unheard of.

We got in bed, but sleep was the last thing from my mind. Instead of lying down, I pulled her down on my lap and kissed her. When my hands landed on her ass she moaned loudly and thrust back into them. I patted her softly and got the same reaction.

"You are such a bad girl Isabella, you like my hands there baby." She nodded as if I had asked a question.

Guiding her, I slid her wet folds up and down until neither of us to could take it. She sank on to me and rode me as I held her hips, my teeth and lips nipping at her throat, neck and nipples.

It was a good thing she responded to me so easily. Always so ready, so wet, so close.

Bella fell asleep on top of me right after with my arms wrapped around her, and in seconds I followed.

xXXx

"Fuck, I hate traffic." I hissed, pulling out my phone to call Rose and let her know we were going to be late. Bella was sitting beside me looking out the window. "Sweetie, you okay?"

She nodded and blindly reached out for my hand, threading our fingers together and placing them in her lap.

I knew she wasn't.

This morning when we woke up, she was happy and still on top of me. She told me that she and Alice were going to have a girl's night—she was sorry we wouldn't be spending the night together, but I couldn't complain when she looked so excited. Apparently, it was a tradition, they gathered in either Bella's or Alice's apartments, made ice cream, watched movies all night and painted each other's nails. Sometimes they stayed in and other times they went out. This time they were staying in and Bella had already made a list of all the things they would need. Yes, she was that adorable. I had been worried about the effect of all this would have on her friendship, but Bella seemed to really take what I had told her to heart. She was giving Alice time.

Over breakfast, I told her the story of how I became friends with Felix and how I had been dubbed _Golden Cullen. _She laughed and told me that she wanted to see me in action.

She left me with a kiss and promised to be back for lunch. I kind of felt like a stay at home dad without the child to take care of, and to be honest it was nice.

I made calls, talked to an extremely apologetic Rose. She invited me to dinner and that I could bring Bella if I wanted to. It struck me as odd that she sounded so warm on the phone. After we finished talking I wrote for a bit but then I got distracted by all the pictures of Bella at various stages of her life—in pigtails with two little teeth, her standing next to easel with gaps in her smile but my favorite was one of Bella reading with short hair and a cast on her wrist. I took note that the only photo with someone else in it was the one with Aro and the ducks.

Charlie called twice while she was gone but it was only to tell her that he didn't want to have lunch with her on Saturday (another tradition of Bella's) because he was spending time with Billy and would be for the next week or so. The second time was to tell her not to threaten Jacob with her bike. I frowned at each message—he sounded odd. He was all she had left and he was pissed at her because of me.

I could understand his anger, if I had a daughter I would feel the same, but I wouldn't shut out my kid. And his association with Jacob was, in my eyes, betrayal. I didn't know Charlie, and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

I expected the same girl that left to come back, but it wasn't the case. She slammed the door and walked straight to the kitchen dropping the bags without even greeting me. I knew something happened when she started putting things away, slamming and bagging cabinets. Fearing that Jacob had been the cause of this my eyes searched every inch of her exposed skin looking for any marks or injuries. There were none, but that didn't mean he was innocent.

When she walked over to me and buried she head in my chest, I knew what had happened. Alice canceled. I tried cheering her up; I read to her, kissed her, read to her, nothing worked. She just looked so sad. It broke my heart because she had been looking forward to it. Girls Nights wasn't ever canceled. Ever. Charlie's messages didn't help her mood.

Painting helped and I knew it was only because she was upset that she let me watch her.

As we got closer, I tried to get her mind onto something happy. "So, are you happy about seeing the twins. Emmett tells me Jacks has been talking about _Joey _all day."

"Your niece and nephew are so cute. When Rose first left, I was sure I was going to break them."

"Really? You're such a natural, Bella."

She shrugged. "I was scared; I never had any around so it was a novel experience. Charlie keeps telling me he wants grandkids but…I don't know, I hate hearing him talk about it."

My heart stopped. Did she not want kids…ever?

"Against motherhood Bella?" I asked, feigning nonchalance but my insides were churning at that thought.

"I don't know Carlisle…I don't have the best examples. I'm not saying never—it was nice spending time with the twins—but I'd be terrified of being just like Renee. Charlie thinks I'm like her… "

Throwing the car in park I got out and opened her door, kneeling in front of her. "Bella, you're not like her. Not even a little. Believe me, from what you've told me about Renee, she wouldn't have worried about breaking two babies. She wouldn't have taken the time to color with them or dance around to make them happy. You're not like her honey."

She looked at me for a long time without saying anything before she smiled and got out of the car. At the door, she stopped me before I could knock.

"Thank you, for everything Carlisle."

"Anytime, baby." I told her kissing her lips and knocking.

Emmett opened the door immediately pulling Bella into a bone-crushing hug. I asked him to let her go, because soon her air supply would run out. He gave her a sheepish smile and ushered us in.

"You have a lovely house and it smells great in here."

"Thanks Ducky. What you're smelling is dinner, I hope you like lamb." I smiled and hugged Rose.

"Hi guys, we were wondering when you'd get here."

"Traffic Rose, sorry. I can't control it." She smiled and gave Bella a hug. It was still odd for me to see that.

"Hi, how are you Rose?" Bella asked softly.

"Not too bad."

"Rose, who's at the door, Ali and—"

_Oh no!_

Jasper was standing at the end of the hall, stunned and scared shitless. He had every idea what was going to happened. Minutes later Alice walked in behind him holding Nikki and stopped dead cold when her eyes meet Bella's.

"Rose!" Jasper hissed

"What?"

"Bells…I'm—"

"I don't understand. She already knows, you knew that. I figured a family dinner would be nice."

What the fuck was wrong with her? Was she a pod person now?

"I'm going to check on dinner," Rose threw him a panicked look and he change his mind, "Or not. Carlisle, Bella, Drinks…strong ones?"

"She knows now!" Jasper roared.

"No she's known since Monday…wait a minute…did you not—"

"Bella?" Alice sputtered.

I looked over at Bella who still had yet to move or speak. She was pale and her eyes were swimming with unshed tears. I moved to hold her but Jackson intercepted me, running down the hall at top speed and holding on to her legs. Bella picked him up and greeted him warmly but she could hide the tears that had fallen. Gently I rubbed her back, because more tears were falling now.

"Why you cry Joey? Don't cry…I give you tissy."

"Emmett, I don't understand." Emmett stayed quiet and rubbed his wife's back.

"I can't believe you Rose! You should have asked me before doing this…Ali baby, please don't cry."

"Bella, please don't be mad. Let me explain."

"Rosie, I think the baby is messing with your brain."

Baby?

I looked over at the hand on her stomach.

"BABY?"

**A/N: Leave me love guys and pretty please vote. All voters and reviewers get a tissy from Jackson and Carlisle.**

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	20. La RixeThe Fight

**A/N: Ok, Hello all! Thanks for all the reviews, favs, alerts and votes. We won the Twilight Gem Awards Diamond Round!*Stands up and does happy dance* Thanks for the love, couldn't have done it without you guys! **

**Enough of that, here is the chapter.**

**I own nothing, SM gets all the royalties. I own this plot and a Liverpool FC mug. Oh yeah I like to pretend I'm English that way. *Grins***

**Enjoy!**

* * *

BPOV

Rose looked over to me and mouthed an apology with more sincerity than I have ever seen on her face while her husband looked like a three year old with an entire package of double stuffed Oreos all to himself. Emmett was too overjoyed by impending fatherhood to see anything but his wife. I simply nodded in recognition knowing that she didn't set this up on purpose.

"Baby?"

A collective gasp flew around the room as Emmett put his hand on Rosalie's stomach. I already knew. This wasn't a surprise to me; in fact, I had expected Rosalie wanted to tell Carlisle tonight. Briefly, I wondered how Carlisle would react, in the car, the topic of babies had him white knuckle gripping the steering wheel.

Would he have a panic attack?

I hoped not, the last time he looked so pained. That nearly broke my heart!

"BABY?" Jasper exclaimed, still holding a blubbering Alice. "Rose. Emmett. Are you guys…"

"Yup, we're having another baby. Rosie found out on Monday. Baby McCarty is due in October."

The heat of Carlisle's hand left my back after that sentence. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him standing as stiff as a board casting a look that straddled the line of disbelief and mild envy from their excited faces to their linked hands quietly resting over where their baby was growing. I knew this would be difficult for him. Swallowing hard his face blanched and red splotches climbed up his neck as he tried to congratulate them but his voice was thick, the words didn't come out clearly.

I reached for his hand and gave it a small squeeze, unable to anything more than that. I wanted to be there for him, but I just couldn't. The air in their stylishly decorated home was stifling and Alice's sniffles were bothering me. I didn't see what the hell she had to cry about. She was the one that lied to me about her dad being in town—I knew he wasn't. She's the one that blew me off for a dinner at chez McCarty. I had gone out and gotten things I knew she liked, bought that damn vampire movie she had been talking about, and gotten all the spa necessities only to get a call from her as I was getting on the elevator. I felt like an idiot and it was then, right as the doors to the lift closed, that I understood how those girls who got stood up to the prom felt.

You primp; you're excited, and then out of know where someone just pulls the rug out from under your legs. Let me tell you, it fucking hurts. I knew she lied, I knew it and knowing made her deceit that much worse. Call it jealously or childish but Alice was actively lying to me, as much as I wanted to be "understanding" and "mature" about this, I couldn't be. She was supposed to be different and now she was acting just like everyone else.

Lying to my face with the gull to believe I was stupid enough to fall for it.

You don't lie to family! Why was I the only one that understood that? I had willingly given up a day I didn't have with Carlisle _because_ family came first, right?

Wrong? Or perhaps her definition of "family" didn't include me anymore.

I slipped out when they all started congratulating Rose. I had done this already and I had no interest in seeing Alice at the moment. Jackson had wanted to come with me but I gave him a candy Carlisle had given me to cheer me up earlier and he happily went to eat his treat in a corner. Whatever, kids like candy and I wanted to be alone.

The cool air and fresh scent of spring rain danced around me as I headed across the lawn to my childhood home. I cursed when my heel sank into the sodden grass. Why had I decided to wear heels?

_Because you and Alice have been joined at the hip for seven years, that longer than most Hollywood marriages. _

Fucking grass.

Fucking heels.

Fucking Alice.

I was at the gate, safely out of the slush grass when I heard her bitch about her new shoes getting dirty. _See what I mean about the heels._ I pushed the gate open and let it slam shut with a resounding clang of iron, hoping she'd get the hint. I didn't want to talk…not here outside on the cobbled stone pavers I had fallen over so many times in the past.

"Bella." I should have know she wouldn't get the hint…it wasn't her style but then again neither was lying. Why was everything so mixed up?

"Why didn't you tell me Alice?"

I turned around to face her not anticipating her being so close. I took a step back to give us a buffer zone and it was only a miracle of God that I didn't end up on my ass. For the first time I looked at my friend and I didn't know her, not at all. Even from the first time, she walked into art class clutching a huge purse and with an equally huge smile on her face, I knew her. All those years ago she smiled, walked right up to be and told me in perfect French that her and I were going to be best friends because how could she not be friends with someone who loved The Cure.

Now, she just stood there frozen as if I was a dress she didn't know how to accessorize. "Are you just going to stand there? I think you owe me an explanation, Alice."

She sighed heavily; bringing her hands up to reach for me but let them slap back down on her thighs when I shifted away. "Bella…I was scared."

"Of? Alice this is me, what the hell do you have to be scared of. Do I not support you in everything? Haven't I listened to everything you have ever had to tell me? Tell me, because I'm not following. Explain this to me."

She sighed and fidgeted nervously. "Bella, you're the realist, you keep to yourself and you're cautious. You always have been. You're the level headed one in this relationship. When I wanted to sit in a pub Ireland for a week just so we could see Bono, who stopped us? When I wanted to go down to the south or France to find Johnny Depp who stopped us? You did. But me, I'm the optimistic one that sleeps around, dances on table tops and drinks way too much vodka. I do stupid things all the time, if it weren't for you I would have wasted two weeks waiting for Bono and I would have gotten arrested for trying to fuck Johnny Depp. I don't know…I got scared that you'd bring me back down to earth."

"Wow. Alice thanks. This is my fault? So lied to me because you thought I'd bring you back down to earth when you told me that you fell in love someone? Because that's a stupid thing to do? Hello! This is me you're talking to! Me, you know the girl who is sleeping with her professor. Real level headed, I'm the picture of responsibility these days." She opened her mouth to refute my sarcastic tone but I wasn't finished. "Alice, you could have told me anything! You could have told me you had a new fuck buddy and I would have accepted it. You could have told me that you weren't ready for me to meet him but that you found someone special. You could have told me the truth. I'm not the pusher…you are. I would have accepted it and waited. I would have wanted something, but fuck Alice, I would have waited until you were ready! That's what friends do, when you need a kick in the ass I'm there. When you need patience I give it to you."

"What do you want me to say Bella, I was scared! He's the one, the best thing that has ever happened to me but…I just couldn't tell you."

"The best thing that ever happened to you and you couldn't tell me. That hurts Alice." I told her wiping away the tears that were still falling. I wonder if she knew that those words were like a knife to my chest.

"Worse than the lying to my face, that hurts. You told Rosalie, you told Carlisle—I hate that you made him lie to me. All these people knew but me, your "sister" you couldn't tell. I asked you Alice, I asked you straight out because I already knew and you lied. And then to make matters worse, you blew me off to have dinner with her!"

"Bella, I'm sorry, but Jasper asked me to come with him—"

"So that just makes it okay Alice? SO everyone in your life these days comes before me."

"No, never…but you're here with Carlisle."

"Give me a fucking break Alice; I'm only here because you chose to have dinner with her over me. We had a date tonight Alice. What the fuck happened that you would throw away our traditions for a dinner at her house."

Her brow furrowed before she answered me. "From what I've been hearing you and her aren't exactly enemies anymore. You watched her kids, that's a big deal and you knew about her news before her husband. I didn't miss that while everyone else was surprised at the baby news you were the only one that knew already."

"Yeah, I don't hate her but she's not my best friend Alice, she's not family! We aren't talking about her and me; this is the second time you've picked her over me! She can lie to me and I wouldn't care but you…Why aren't you getting this? This is important Alice, it's not every day you find exactly what you're looking for in something other than a piece of clothing and you took that away from me. That was my right as your sister Alice. You got that, I let you have that. I told how I felt about Carlisle the night after I realized it and you lied. Everyone knew before me and why…because you were scared! That bullshit. Tell me the truth!"

She whispered something but it was too low for me to hear. Crossing my arms over my chest protectively I waited for her to answer me. I needed answers. Alice didn't get scared; she was the strong one with rhino skin. I had no idea who this girl was and it was scaring me. I couldn't find my Pixie.

"Bella. I…" In the moon light she looked incredibly sad in her pretty little dress and heels, it was an act. She wasn't okay; lying to me ate her up like it did me. I could see that she hadn't done this to purposely hurt me—no matter how much it felt like it.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I know that sounds empty but I really am sorry. I've never felt this way, it too new and I am scared. I love him and…I was scared of telling you because if anyone was going to tell me the truth it would be you. I'm sorry Bella I never wanted to hurt you. I love you but I was scared. I'm sorry…I'm so so sorry. Please, I'm so sorry!"

I softened at her tears, Alice didn't cry. This girl, shaking and begging me to forgive her, she was the one from so many years ago, back when she was still vulnerable. Back when her mom threw her out without much thought. Like a light being switched on it all fell into place. I knew this would come back to us some day.

"Ali…scared of what? That I wouldn't like him? " I asked softly grabbing her hand.

"No, I know you like Jasper and he likes you so much." She started whimpering, franticly wiping her eyes as carefully as she could so she didn't ruin her mascara.

Waterproof babe, you taught me that one.

"He loves me Bella…he doesn't care about what I've done or who. He doesn't care that I spend way too much money on clothes and eat the unhealthiest crap. He loves me. I know, because he tells me…all the time like he can't stop himself and I don't want him to. I'm the same way…but…"

"But what Ali, that sounds like a dream come true…what is it?" Say it Ali.

"What if it's too good to be true? What if he realizes that I'm not the girl he wants…that I've been in and out of beds like a whack a mole? What if…what if it all changes? What if I'm not supposed to be with him because all this is really too good to be true for me? What if—"

"He leaves." I told her, cutting off her manic tirade of "What If's." She nodded and apologized because her fear was the exact same fear that she had told me to not worry about. "Is this why you didn't tell me? Because you thought you didn't deserve to be happy and you thought what I'd tell you that you were right? When did I turn into your mom Alice?"

"You could never be her Bella, never. You'd tell me that I deserved him and so much more and I just…Fucking Hell! I don't know, Bella haven't you just been scared that everything is moving so fast and though it feels perfect right now it might not be the case next week…or the week after that. Or that this is too perfect for YOU."

"Nothing is perfect but scared? Yes. All the time Alice, Carlisle leaves in a little more than a week from now, I have a handful of days and they're slipping away fast, by Wednesday he's on his way back home. Of course I'm scared but I love him and even if he doesn't love me I can't change it. I seem to remember someone tiny giving me some very sound advice, why she can't listen to it is beyond me. At least you know exactly how he feels and that he'll still be here in a months' time. Ali, you can't think this way. This isn't you, you know you're the shit! When did you forget that? You deserve this with Jasper."

"I'm not used to this Bella; I'm not used to someone loving me so easily without pressure to be something they want. He loves me like you've always loved me. I like it but…"

Fuck, I hate your mother Alice!

"She did a number on you didn't she? She isn't even here and still the mind fuckery continues. It's amazing how much you and Carlisle are alike." I muttered with a humorless laugh.

It wasn't funny just how conditional her mother's love was. It wasn't funny how undeserving of love the both thought they were. "Maybe that's why I love you both so much. Listen Alice, I forgive you but it still hurts and I'm still pissed at you but...I love you."

"I'm really sorry…and I love you too." Unable to stand the distance any longer she crushed me with her freakishly strong arms. She could have given Emmett a run for his money in strength department.

Oh the press could have a field day with this shit. _Bella and long time lover Alice Brandon share lover's embrace in front yard. Where is the Churchill Man? Is it over?_

Hugging her back just as fiercely I felt my heart fall right back into place. Alice was back where she belonged, no secrets wedged between us and no lies to pull us apart.

"Hey, ladies."

Alice and I broke apart to see a very sheepish Jasper standing at the gate with his hands shoved in his pockets. "Just wonderin' if you're ready to come inside and have dinner. It's getting cold out here and I think more rain is heading our way…and Carlisle is worried about Bella "catching her death out there in that thin dress." The man has a point, however crazy he may be."

With a kiss to my cheek and a last minute squeeze to my hand, Alice walked over to her honey.

"You guys alright?" He asked looking nervously between us as if he wasn't sure when the gun slinging was going to start up. Hadn't he just seen us hugging, didn't he watch Entourage. _Hug it out Bitch._ Boys were so odd.

"We will be," Alice told him, smiling from ear to ear. She was right. We weren't alright yet but we would be. "And I'll be talking to you later when we get home Jasper Whitlock Hale. I'm not too happy with you right now so be glad that I love your curly mop headed ass."

He was still shaking his head and rubbing the cheek Ali had smacked lovingly when she walked into his sister's home.

"She's a live wire, I'm tellin' you."

"That's Alice; she'll have your balls for breakfast." He looked over at me with a coy smirk and I realized that I wasn't far off the mark. "I don't need to know what you and my best friend do at the breakfast table. I don't like pornographic details as much as she does."

"I tell her the same thing but she just doesn't understand, every time she talks about you and Carlisle I feel dirty. He's my brother…but it is good to see him so happy, I reckon I have you to thank for that. I'm sorry I took Girls Night away from you…I'll make it up to you, cross my heart.

I smiled as he crossed his heart with his fingers and an idea came to me, something Pixie and I hadn't ever gotten a chance to do. "Maybe we can have a dinner together…you know all four of us. You and Alice and your family are the only ones that _know_ about us. It would be nice to spend some time with you and Ali…now that I know about the two of you."

"Sounds lovely, time and place and we'll be there."

Before he walked away he apologized for keeping secrets from me, said it was most ungentlemanly of him and his mama would put a sound whipping to him if she ever found out. What a cute southern boy!

"I know how much she means to you Bella. I won't hurt her and I promise I won't let her keep things from you."

"I know. I trust you with her. I know she didn't do it to hurt me…she was scared Jasper."

"I know. Why do you think I tell her that I love her every five minutes? Her mom's just as fucked as I reckon yours was, if you don't mind me sayin' so." I shook my head; I didn't mind him saying it. It was true, Renee was fucked up. "And while I'm taking liberties I shouldn't, let me offer just a bit of friendly advice to you Darlin'. Tell him. Time ain't a luxury you two can afford."

"Tell him what?"

"That you love him." He answered simply, like he was being asked paper or plastic, chicken or fish.

I felt my face go hot, was it obvious? Did I write it on my cheek and not remember? "How did you know?"

"Alice, told me. Rose, told me, she says she saw it the second she saw you two playing with the twins. Emmett told me just now and I see it when you look at him, it only a testament to his past that he doesn't see it himself Bella. Don't wait too long."

I nodded numbly, watching him walk away and into the house but instead of following I walked over to the little bench, Charlie had put near the jasmine bushes and sat down. Closing my eye savor the clean scent, I mulled over what Jasper had just told me.

It was obvious. Everyone could see it as plain as day. How would he react if I said those words to him? I had been telling him, in secret ways against his skin but I couldn't say it to his face. His handsome face, with its deep ocean eyes and understanding smile…I just couldn't do it, not when I knew he'd be leaving soon.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear him coming through the gate until he sat beside me. "Isabella," he whispered against my ear, "How are you, sweet girl?"

"Fine…I guess. Ali and I are…we're gonna be fine." I told Carlisle without opening my eyes, secretly loving that he came and got me.

"That's nice to hear, I hate seeing you so upset knowing there's nothing I can do to make you feel better. I felt useless this afternoon, Bella. Not a good feeling." Carlisle picked me up and sat me on his lap, holding me close to his body. His spicy sweet scent wrapped around me like a blanket warming me instantly.

"So this is the childhood home? The stories this house could tell me…"

I nodded playing with a lock of his silky hair, remembering all the bones I broke within a seven-mile radius. "They aren't that interesting Carlisle—lots of tripping, broken bones, missing teeth, wobbly steps, casts and books. Not horribly exciting, I'm afraid."

"I bet you were adorable, missing teeth, casts, wobbly steps, books and all." He whispered, kissing my cheek softly.

"Yes, plaster is endearing, Carlisle."

"On you, yes."

We stayed wrapped in each other until Emmett yelled for us to stop "sucking face" and get inside. Though dinner had started very tense after sitting down at the table, we fell into a comfortable rhythm of teasing and jibes I learned was normal for family dinners. The food was fantastic, perfectly cooked and I smiled knowing that Emmett was responsible for all of it. Alice, Jasper and Carlisle praised my cooking to Emmett to the point where he strong-armed me into sharing recipes with him. I agreed because it was difficult to deny him when he asked so sweetly.

I marveled at how Emmett centered himself entirely on Rose. When she'd move, he was right there, moving with her, when her glass emptied he refilled it and when she grimaced, he asked if she was feeling well. It was sweet and alien to me. Family dinners in my homes consisted of Charlie eating quietly and Aro talking none stop, there was always love but never fun. Dinner with this family was fun, you could see it. Jasper poked fun at his brother in law, calling him Suzy Homemaker only to be silence by Alice mentioning a recent disastrous meal he'd forced on her. Everyone laughed and Emmett commented that perhaps looks wasn't the only thing Rose and Jasper shared but also the talent for making food inedible. Nikki and Jackson sat at their high chairs feeding themselves in their own double mint world. Silent conversations passed between them and it was funny how Jackson pointed over to me when Nikki pointed out the chocolate on his cheek. She looked over at me with hopeful eyes and asked very loudly 'Tandy for me?'

Jackson was a little rat.

As I watched them interact, I felt slightly out of place, this was still quite new. This family, this group, it was unfamiliar to me, even with Alice being one of my people and Carlisle's warm body so close. Alice and Jasper melded into the scene seamlessly as did Carlisle but I was sort of on the outskirts, here at the table but now in a permanent way—sort of like the revolving dinner guest. And when they mentioned twins birthday in June I was reminded that my time with Carlisle and my place at this dinner table was dwindling down.

_Don't think about it Bella._

Through the meal Carlisle's hand rested on my knee, letting me know with his innocent touch that I belonged here and he was still by my side. Sometime I suspected the man could read my mind.

After desert and many glasses of wine we, Alice, Jasper, Carlisle and I, left but not without an invitation to next week's dinner. Tradition, I was being invited into their traditions.

"All things considering, did you have a good time tonight?"

I nodded, holding his hand tighter in my lap and studied how perfectly my hand fit in his slightly calloused one.

"Good, I'm glad. Thank you for coming; I don't know what would have happened if I didn't have you there with me tonight. So…you knew about Rose didn't you? That's why the twins stayed with you? That's why Emmett was acting so dazed that night?"

"Yes. Are you ok?"

He knew I was talking about the baby news. "Yes and no." The air in his rental car grew thick as I waited for his answer.

"Yes, I'm happy for them. The pregnancy with twins was difficult and they didn't think they have anymore and I love the idea of a new baby in the family. But I can't help but be a tiny bit…envious. I want what they have." He caught my eye at the stop light and I could see how much that eat him up inside. How much it bothered him to always feel these twin emotions, not being able to simply be happy for his acquired family without the his past intruding on him. My heart ached for him. I squeezed his hand affectionately.

"Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, Carlisle. I think it makes you human. It's natural for you to want…what you didn't get a chance to experience."

"I feel like a bad person, Isabella," he whispered gripping my hand tighter.

The rest of the drive was silent, no music, no talking, just the sound of the rain dancing on the car as we moved through the streets of Paris. It was raining harder and I hoped it wouldn't still be raining tomorrow because I really wanted to ride Viggo. I wanted to ride Viggo with Carlisle on the back like the last time or maybe even teach him to ride. That was a big step. I didn't let people drive my bike but…Carlisle's throat clearing alerted me the fact that we had stopped but when I looked out the window, I realized we were not in front of my building.

I knew where we were logistically of course but I didn't know why. My flat was about ten arrondissements away.

"Carlisle, where are we?"

"My place…sort of."

"Why?"

He didn't answer me; instead, he got out of the car and walked around to open my door. Shielding me from the rain with his jacket, we made our way inside and up the three damn flights of stairs up to his rented flat. Marble steps, rain, and four-inch heels don't mix well, especially after a couple glasses of wine. I slipped in the slick hallway twice and to his credit he didn't laugh but I saw the smirk on his beautiful lips as he fiddled with the keys.

Opening the door, he ushered me inside and asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I declined and looked around while he busied himself with the tea.

Tea. My sexy British man.

It made me a bit sad to know that his place wasn't really his, there were no family pictures, no personal belonging one usually finds in an apartment. No clues to who he was or how he came to be that person, nothing. The walls were cream with the type of ornate designs typical of Parisian style, two generic paintings hung on the wall but they were abstract, much like his living space. How I hated the abstract as much in real life as on a canvas. The interpretation was all up to you. It is what you want it to be. It's a load of shit, say what the fuck that red triangle is and call it a day. Art is subjective yes, but it's not a fucking guessing game. The floors matched the walls in their impersonality, light parquet and not Carlisle at all. I smiled at the small things strewn around here and there—books, pens, papers, open laptop and the one lonely Liverpool coffee cup leaving a ring of coffee on the white table. They were the only marks of him.

"You're kind of messy Carlisle." Tossing a few shirts aside, I sat down on the cold leather couch. After surveying the piles of his belonging, Carlisle joined me on the couch. Pulling me onto his lap, he nuzzled into my neck. It was always this way, if he could help it my ass always ended up on his thighs, not that I would ever complain about it. I loved it and preferred it to the impersonal cream leather I knew Carlisle would have never chosen for himself.

"Yeah, I guess I am but in my defense I haven't been staying here. I've sort of just been flitting in and out to grab clothes and put together work things. I much prefer to be at your place Bella, its warmer."

"So…are you going to tell me why we are here instead of there?"

He looked at me for a while as if trying to decide whether to tell me. Running a nervous hand through his hair, he confessed that he had asked Demetri to keep an eye out for Jacob and let him know if the "Fucking Arse Bandit" showed up. I didn't like that they were setting up secret messages and codes behind my back but the look on Carlisle face as he told me that he was only concern for my safety stole the words out of my mouth. In the face of his concern, my ammunition lost some of its power. I knew how to take care of myself and Jacob wasn't going to hurt me. He wasn't going to tie me up and gut me like a fish and when I told Carlisle that his gorgeous face paled and blue eyes widened.

I assumed he had been imagining the worse possible outcome of me running into Jacob and my adding another senior to the growing list wasn't helping him.

"Bella, please. I know you're not a child and I know that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself but you can't be mad at me wanting to keep you out of harm's way. I know you don't think he'll hurt you, but I do—"

I silenced him the only way I knew how. Gently I kissed on side of his mouth, offering him small languid kisses before deepening the kiss. My tongue traced his bottom lip in a silent request. Without question, he opened his mouth, greeting me with the taste of earl gray and honey. He kissed me back passionately, threading his hands in my hair anchoring me to his lips, his face. When he broke apart, he rested his forehead on mine and waited, eyes closed, for me to argue.

I wasn't going to argue.

"So, I'm guessing he was in arrondisment seize ce soir." He nodded, "And he was in the building again."

"On your floor Bella…on your fucking floor!" His eyebrows shot up like he was pleading with me to understand his reasoning.

"You're really worried about this aren't you?"

"Yes, Bella. I really am. If you were hurt…I couldn't…"

"Okay, baby." I kissed his lips softly and laid my head on his shoulder.

"What? No, argument? No protest…Isabella. I'm…shocked." I shook my head and kissed him again. He was so cute, so boyishly handsome sitting there perplexed.

"Nope."

It didn't escape my notice that his chest puffed out a bit in pride over winning the argument. Ridiculous man, if he only knew I let him win. I suppose this really was Love. I let him win.

Grabbing the remote from the side table he a pushed a button and turned on some music, I was surprise by his choice. I had no idea he liked Jazz. With the smooth sounds of Django Reinhardt we talked about nothing and about everything. Carlisle told me some stories about his childhood, but I suspected it was only done to get stories out of me. Turn around is fair play Bella, he told me. He asked about the ducks but I was mum on that one. Instead, I told him about how I broke my wrist when Sam scared me out of the tree. Bastard though it was funny that I was in a tree and called me a kitty the rest of the summer, even drew a horrible looking cat on my cast. Carlisle grabbed my wrist gingerly as if it was still broken and gave it a kiss.

"Can I ask you something, Isabella?"

I blushed and felt my skin warm. He knew what saying my name like that did to me. "If it's about the ducks Carlisle, so help me." I told him laughing because he kept bringing it up.

"It's not, I swear. Why isn't Charlie is any of your pictures?"

"He was the one taking the pictures. I think he always felt like he had to capture everything while he could because he worked a lot." He frowned and played with my fingers, deep in thought. "He's not a bad guy, he's a really great guy, aside from his love for Renee and Billy. I know it seems that way, but Billy is his best friend and fuck of I know why he loves Renee so damn much. Charlie is just Charlie…I can't explain it any other way."

"Renee gave him the best thing in his life Bella. I know you don't understand that because you are still so young and you have no idea what it is like to be given a child. It changes you Bella, having a baby changes everything about you. While I don't agree with him, I understand how he can still feel so much love for her. Without her, would you be here Isabella?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure that without him I would have been aborted faster than you can say _Merde_. So she carried me—"

"And kept you alive for nine months to bring you into the world—"

"And almost killed me twice during that time and then again while giving birth to me, she couldn't even do that right. Why are we talking about this Carlisle? "

"You brought her up honey. Bella, look at me. Without her you wouldn't be here with me. She was good for something…right?"

I rolled my eyes at his logic. I didn't want to give her any credit but science and biology were not on my side. Begrudgingly I agreed. "Maybe but Charlie is responsible for my being alive and well. Why did you make that face?"

"I made a face?" He asked innocently.

"Yes. It looked like this." I furrowed my brow and mimicked his expression from earlier.

"Did it look half as cute on me Bella?" He asked tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Nope, it looked better on you. Now answer the question Cullen."

"I don't like how he sounded on the phone, or that he's avoiding you, or that he's telling you to be nice to that prick Jacob. It bothers me because he's your father and he should be picking your side. Don't look at me that way, I know you miss him Bella, don't try and hide it."

I shrugged, "There's not much you can do about it Carlisle, Billy and Jacob are like family to Charlie. It'll be ok, he's just mad at me…"

"He's mad because of me."

"The alternative is to let you go and I'm not doing that so he'll just have to come around. I'm not breaking this off because he has a problem with the age difference. He has to realize I'm an adult now. Let's not talk about this anymore ok."

"Ok, whatever you say sweet girl. What would you like to talk about?" His hand snaked up my legs under my dress and over my thighs, his fingertips playing with the bows at my hips. "Or would you like to do something?"

"Can I borrow your laptop real quick," I asked hopping up from my seat in his lap, catching him and his warm hand off guard.

"Yes…but why, if I may ask?"

"Well, Dr. Cullen. I may be sleeping with my professor but I'm sure as hell not doing it for the grade." He growled at my choice of names. Dr. Cullen, he loved when I called him that. "I need to print out my paper for tomorrow's class. How irresponsible would it be for me to show up without it, who knows what my professor would have me do?"

"Humm. He would most definitely call you into his office. An oral report would be necessary, I'm afraid."

"Yes, but Dr. Cullen I'm a responsible student and I would never cum to class unprepared…"

"He'd still want that oral report Isabella."

I laughed and asked permission again. He agreed but with a pout because I hadn't played along with his naughty game. I left him muttering to himself about his office and walked over to the desk by the window where his laptop was sitting.

The desk was covered in papers, little yellow notes and pens of various colors. I had no doubt that this was his book is progress and I was tempted to read but I was a good girl and averted my eyes from his bold writing, as tempting as it was. His laptop was locked and when I asked him to come unlock it he simply gave me the passwords and told me he was going to shower.

Humm, Carlisle wet!

_Stop Bella, focus_.

"Feel free to come and join me as soon as you're done in here, baby. I fully intend to have you naked and wet with me tonight."

_Okay Bella, print the paper and get your ass in there._

He disappeared through the doorway and I'm not at all ashamed to say that I watched every move my man made. The fabric of his dark blue dress shirt pulled across his shoulders as he moved, outlining his toned and trim physic. I could almost see the muscles rippling down his back and down his strong legs as they carried him away from me, his pants outlining his ass in a ways that made my mouth water and my teeth itch to bite one cheek. Damn his ass pants!

I batted away one of my reoccurring fantasies of him in Liverpool red taking me on the pitch, right on the center spot…in the rain. Fuck! There was something wrong with me, I was sure but football was just so damn sexy. We needed to play together and soon.

Typing in his password the screen opened to the last thing he had been working on. His ass pants forgotten I read the email, and then reread it. My heart was pounding in my ears while I opened another tab in a daze, making sure to leave his alone and did what I had to do. My hands were shaking so bad it took me twice as long to sign into my account. As soon as the paper printed, I set it aside and closed my tab. I could hear the shower running in other room while the devils on my shoulder argued back and forth like a ping-pong match. Don't do it Bella, the angel would say only to be silenced by the devil's taunts. Flicking the angel off my shoulder and told the devil to take a hike. I knew it was wrong to read his email but I justified my actions with his permission. He gave me his password, he allowed me to use his laptop as if he had nothing to hide. The email called me once more and I couldn't resist temptation. He had to know that he had left his email open for me to see.

_Carlisle,_

_My plans have been finalized and I will be in Oxford by the end of the summer. Thank God, I have been aching for British air for some time now—too many years in France my friend, too many. Though the wine, bread and women are lovely, I miss home. The eyes at Sorbonne took my resignation kindly, almost too kindly, like they expected it. I fear they had been reading my emails, more than likely keeping tabs on me through the pansy ass assistant of mine. Figures, they know everything in this damn place. _

_In regards to your email, I am pleased to hear that you want the position. The last time we spoke I was not so convinced; I could see apprehension in your eyes. Hesitation is normal considering that so many factors are in play, like I told you years ago-Counting chickens before the hatch is unwise. That being said I have no doubt in my mind that this position is for you—given your credentials and strong ethics. Sorbonne would be lucky to have you._

_Ring me if you have any questions or you simply want to catch up. I'm dying to speak with you as we once did in Chicago, man to man. It has been too long since we discussed The Reds over a pint. _

_Remember 'You'll never walk alone', my boy. _

—_Alistair Barns_

"Bella, love, what is taking you so long." I looked up to find Carlisle in the doorway, a towel draped around his waist. Oh, God bless the water droplets sliding down his body and that beautiful chest hair. Golden Cullen wasn't just golden on the pitch.

"I was...was just finishing up." I answered, working through my parched throat.

_You can always drink from him. _

"Good, hurry or I'm coming back without the towel."

Not really a threat Carlisle!

Quickly I signed him out and shut his computer down. I had no idea what to make of the email. That was a lie, I did know what to make of the email but I didn't want to get my hopes up and like Alistair Barns had said, Counting chickens before they hatch is unwise. I couldn't help let myself hope that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have to say goodbye to him.

"Bella, the towel is coming off!"

* * *

**A/N: Leave me some love and I'll write faster.**


	21. Road to Aix

**A/N: ****As always, thanks for all the love people. It makes my day better.**

**Beta, Marissa. You are awesome. Hugs, you know why!**

**I own nothing, SM own everything. Sadly, I only own this plot and Matthew Bellamy and Caleb and his fuck hot beard own me!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

CPOV

Spooning my girl, I savored the moment of serenity, of the quiet sounds of early morning and the scent of baking bread wafting through the open windows. This weekend would be trying for us, three days of constant hiding under a mask of indifference and professionalism. I was stressed to the point of a massive migraine. There would be lines I couldn't cross, moments where I couldn't simply hold her, because it would look odd for me to be dancing with her, eating dinner at her table, staying at her house.

Despite the risk, I was going to be sitting at her table and staying at her house, Bella put her foot down, giving me no room to argue. She was quite adamant about my staying with her, her and her beautiful mouth wrapped around my dick made quite a compelling argument. How could I refuse her? Alice and Jasper were renting a house down the road from Bella's. Emmett and Rose were going to spend their three days at some hotel because Nikki was going through a phase where she'd get up in the middle of the night and watch Yo Gabba Gabba—I didn't tell them that Bella had introduced their daughter to DJ. Lance Rock. Neither of the couples wanted to disturb us and only Emmett knew about the job, everyone else was still under the assumption that I was leaving.

It was still a possibility, a large possibility. No matter how much Alistair had tried to keep his leaving quiet news travels quickly and falls in to the lap of the worst person. Jane Lapointe.

The Friday after Bella's first family dinner Jane waltzed into my office after class and told me she did not intend to lose this job to me. Her words were the same as always, cold and threatening with a venomous sting, but she had nothing on me. She had no leverage and when I reminded her of that, she stormed off and telling me, I'd regret coming to France. I was tired of her clairvoyant predictions and vague warnings; I had no time for her when she first crossed my path and I had no time for her now. Much as Bella believed that Jacob was benign, I believed Jane, while sadistic and ruthless, could do nothing to hurt me, but my chance—that was a different story. Sorbonne had the tendency to hire French professors and only if you were the cream de la cream, it did not matter where your allegiance lie. I was a great professor, but I wasn't the best.

"Carlisle…I…umm…you…"

I smiled at her sweet mumblings and wondered where our time had gone. One moment it seemed that I still had days and days left where as now the calendar on my desk with the black slash marks said otherwise. Friday passed too quickly, as did our weekend and not that I could regret our double date at the silent theater, now in retrospect I wished I had been more selfish with her.

I gave her up to Alice after our class to go shopping for this dreaded weekend, hours and hours I lost, but I couldn't tell her anything because she was looking forward to this event. This was a part of her life before me and if I wanted to remain by her side, I needed to learn to share. I always hated sharing.

That night when she came home—by home I mean hers because while she loved the view at mine I hated the impersonality of those walls—I took her against that same wall I claimed her the very first time. It was different of course, I knew her name, I knew that she loved when I sucked her nipples and I knew she couldn't sleep soundly without me. I knew every expression that moved across her face from surprise at my passionate greeting to the lustful realization of what I wanted. With bags scattered at her feet I stripped her of the fabric separating her skin from mine, the barriers were gone but I couldn't get close enough. I gave her no time, no foreplay. I couldn't wait long enough; I felt time slipping from us. Grabbing her waist I pressed her against the wall and buried myself up to the hilt inside her, finally feeling centered. When her startled gasp met my ears, I thought I had hurt her, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Bella, being that woman she was, didn't mind, she was ready for me. She meet my fervor, matched my hunger as her nails dug into my hips.

Days passed in a blur of limbs, naked milky flesh, moans of pleasure, countless meals shared over bottles of wine and warm conversation. Between her schedule she showed me her country, lovingly exposing me to the place I had fallen in love with from afar, inspiring new love. Bella opened up to me; she told me more stories than I could ever ask for. At random times of the day she let out a morsel here and there without prompting or pulling from me. Much like I had always wished she let down her walls, all of them. She even began speaking to me in a mixture of English and French she only reserved for a selective few. When her franco-anglais showed up at the dinner table Alice sat there, perhaps for the first time in her life, utterly and completely silent, wide-eyed and gaping.

The nagging feeling that this was getting much deeper than we expected came back. I didn't define it or try to discern what it was that was happening. I let it be and basked in the knowledge that Bella was by my side for now.

Where she had been distant at last week's dinner this Wednesday she made a blueberry tart and launched herself into a deep conversation about butter vs. shortening with Emmett while he prepared the meal. The twins got closer to her, loving the way she sounded when she read to them the very book that my father had read to me. Rose, in her pregnant state, was a changed person—all the animosity towards Bella was gone and her harsh edges were softened, dulled while she and Bella talked about schools in the area. My family enveloped her as if she had always belonged to us and it was that night outside in Emmett's back yard that I told him my plans.

She stirred again and this time rolled away from me and onto her back, mumbling about olives and lavender. In my olive green Montresor Coat of Arms shirt and tiny black underwear Bella was only a small belly bump away from matching my dream completely and it made my heart ache to make it a reality.

That was another development. Ever since Rose told us she was pregnant the dreams of Bella pregnant became a constant, every time I closed my eyes I saw the same thing—her pregnant, at different stages of course but in every one she was smiling, glowing and with me.

My hand moved to her pale stomach and tried to picture what to wake up to a pregnant Bella, what it would feel like to feel our child kicking my palm. Would that be something she'd enjoy? She seemed ambivalent about the idea of motherhood, but I hardly expected otherwise. Renee had given her daughter, whether she realized it or not, a shaky foundation in both marriage and motherhood. I had read the things she was quoted saying. They were heart breaking, callous and I had no doubt Isabella had read them all. Anyone growing up with those things playing in your mind would learn to fear their own ability, their own capability of success where her family had failed.

Looking at her innocent sleeping face I realized that as a product of a broken home Bella had very little examples of marriage beside the failed one her father had been in and even less parental examples. She had no clue what love, marriage could offer her or how happy she could be, she only knew the pain it could cause. She only saw how it could break and make a fool of you.

_Yet here she is, with you Carlisle. She needs time, she's still young._

It was too soon to think that Isabella and I could have a life like the one I had always craved but it didn't stop me from wanting it. I could give her love, I could give her happiness, with me she wouldn't feel pain and I'd never break her heart. I desired to give her what Emmett gave Rosalie someday, a happy marriage, a loving home, a caring companion to lean on, and children. How I wanted to give her children.

Even being a product of a broken home myself, I could see that life with her, and if everything went according to plan we could have it. In time, we could have it.

She mumbled something ridiculous about plums, waking up from whatever dream she was having and I moved my hand to a less suspicious place. Bella wasn't stupid, she knew what I wanted and waking to my hand on her belly might scare her—that was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Bonjour mon beau," Bella sighed, rolling back over to my side.

"Morning sweetheart."

"Hummm, I love waking up to you Carly."

I smiled at her sleepy voice and kissed her hair. "I love waking up to you too, but Carly? Really, Emmett is rubbing off on you Bella. I'm going to have to keep you two away from each other, lest you guys talk about butter again."

"Ha ha ha! It's French cooking . And **Carly** didn't come from Emmett, but Nikki. I think it's cute, but if you don't…"

"I think Ducky is cute." I countered and she pouted.

"Okay, I won't call you Carly. What time is it?" I looked over at the clock and groaned. She'd have to get out of bed soon if she wanted to be ridiculously early to meet Alice but I didn't want her to go yet. Instinctively my arms wrapped tighter around her waist and pulled her on top me so I could burry my face in her hair. "I'm guessing I have to go soon."

"No you have time." I lied. "Shower with me?"

I considered asking her to skip the nudes today but thought better of it. I had to be responsible; sometimes being an adult was a hassle.

"You have a thing for showers, don't you?" I nodded, kissing her neck and enjoying the way her legs tangled with mine. She looked like a goddess wet. "I think you're going to love my bathroom in Provence."

She was going to be late.

"I can't be late Carlisle."

xXXx

Today was the last actual day of class, their final papers were due and the next time I saw them would be on Tuesday for the final. Today was an over view, a discussion day of sorts and my girl had come in prepared, armed with every word Baudelaire wrote and everything I spent the past month teaching. As I watched Bella verbally spare with Mike Newton over a blatantly ignorant remark he made in regards to a past lecture I realized how intelligent she truly was. Between all the shagging, drama and stress it was a wonder she could even absorb all this information. Her brain must work on a different level than mine did.

I should have been stopping her seeing as she was getting dangerously close to crossing a line but I didn't. Instead, I watched as she fed him his own ass while the class sat back in awe, trying like hell to keep the plain admiration off my face.

"If I thought you were ignorant before, now it's confirmed. Haven't you been paying attention the past month?"

"Oui, j'avais prêté l'attention."

No, you do not pay attention Mr. Newton, hence your grade.

"Évidemment pas parce que vous n'avez pas dit une chose intelligente depuis que vous avez marché dedans ici aujourd'hui." Bella snapped, glaring at him.

"Alright, Miss Swan, as much as I've enjoy the lashing you've been giving Mr. Newton our time is up. Please put your final papers on my desk and study. Take my word on this—you will need to study. You're dismissed."

They started leaving, one by one and among the throng of suggestive smirks and despondent remarks about missing my class I noticed Bella looked furious. With the other students Bella made her way out, casually dropping her crisp and no doubt brilliant paper on my desk without so much as a second glance. It hurt not receiving a warm smile. I knew it was risky to do so, especially with the new photos her and I on Viggo that had showed up in ICI Paris but I was aching to know why she was so upset. Once everyone cleared out, I grabbed her paper desperately and found what I had been looking for, a sweet little note written in her elegant script.

_I can't believe that was the last time I get to see you in your sexy professor mode. I'll miss it so much. I wish I could stay. That bitch Collette is pissing me off. I wouldn't want to break the nose her père paid for. I won't miss watching her eye fuck you for ninety minutes two times a week. _

_See you later, baby._

I smiled and stuck the note in my pocket and made my way to my office. I passed a few students on the way and again I was met with the same coquettish banter from the young ladies. It was unbelievable. Once Bella was officially out of my class I was going to make it known that I was off the market. Perhaps then, these women would stop irritating the fuck out of me.

Just as I was rounding the corner I spotted Collette leaning against my door, before she could see me I jumped back and flatted myself out against the wall. I felt like a Mi6 spy. Bond. James Bond. God, I wanted a golden gun.

_Your Ian Fleming obsession is showing._

I didn't need to go to my office anyway.

xXXx

"I'm driving and you can't turn on the sex to talk me out of it."

I rolled my eyes and loaded her suitcase and mine in the back of her Camero. I wasn't going to talk her out of driving, I liked when she drove her car, but I would miss the bike. I enjoyed riding with her; she must have caught the drift of my thoughts because she informed me that someone had already picked it up and took it with him this morning. When I asked how we'd be getting back into the city she looked at me as if the answer was obvious. It wasn't.

"Viggo of course! Carlisle, I hardly ever drive this car, most of the time it sits in my father's garage. All the stuff I'm taking to Aix I don't need it here in Paris. All of it will stay there along with Darcy."

"Alright I have to know…why Darcy? And how the hell did you get your hands on an American car in France?" I asked her getting into the passenger's seat. I hadn't seen a 69 Camero SS in this condition in a very long time and never really expected to find one here.

"Aro found it for me in California, had it shipped over for my birthday and well, do you really have ask about the name? He's just happens to be wonderful. I love Darcy and…this color is called Darcy Blue. And he's a 69," she arched her perfect brow at me, "Soixante-neuf."

"Bella," I chuckled, "you're something else. Soixante-neuf indeed, we'll have to try that one out soon. Not everything you own deserves a name honey. Do you name everything?"

"Yes." She answered me while messing with her phone. I assumed Alice was on her way, we had decided to drive in together because apparently that's what Bella and Alice always did. I was feeling a bit neglected, irrationally upset because I had wanted this car ride to be just the two of us. How was I suppose to talk dirty to her when we had two people in the back seat listening?

"_Everything_ Bella?"

_Please say you didn't name my cock!_

"Yup. Ali and Jasper are a block away Carlisle; do you really want to know what I've named?"

Sitting up a little straighter I looked her over. She had chnaged out of her jeans and t-shirt and was now wearing a very thin dark yellow curry colored dress held together by two buttons and a little bow at her hip. I loved her in dresses, especially thin ones. A smirk was playing at her lips as she typed away on her phone, seemingly uninterested in what we were discussing but the pink flush of her cheeks told me otherwise.

_Oh yeah, she named my cock._

I suppose it was only fair, she did own it after all.

"Yes."

Smiling the most angelic smile she put her phone away and reached between my legs, gripping me firmly. Holding my gaze, she stroked me slowly, torturing my poor cock and me. He and I had been aching for her since this morning when she refused to shower with us and watching her argue with Mike did nothing to quell our desire for her.

I was just starting to enjoy the feeling her hand on me when she ripped her hand away and gave my cheek a peck, promising to tell me later before she got out of the car.

"You've got to be kidding me with this shit, Bella," I told her through clenched teeth.

"I could jerk you off in the front seat, but do you want Alice and Jasper to see that Carlisle?" Her voice dripped of mirth. She was obviously enjoying this, but I wasn't. We had a long drive ahead of us and Bella driving this muscle car was not going to help me one bit.

"No, but…come on. What am I suppose to do with this?" I asked gesturing to the very prominent bulge in my pants.

She eyed my lap hungrily and shrugged. Leaning into the window giving me an ample view of her naked breast and rosy nipples Bella whispered, "Close your eyes and think of England."

_Yes, that helps._

"Hey Alice, Jasper." Bella greeted them with an easy smile.

"Hi!"

"Howdy you two."

Alice waved at me excitedly while Jasper gave me a knowing smirk.

"Oh my God! Are you excited Carlisle! I'm so excited, I can't wait for you to see Bella in that dress on Sunday, you're going to love it Carlisle. Seriously she looks so damn sexy in it…and Jasper, his tux is perfection. I just so excited! Aren't you guys!"

I shot Jasper a sympathetic look—how did he mange to subdue all of that?—but I didn't get out of the car, I couldn't. My cock was still searching out Bella's warm body and that really wouldn't be very polite.

"Ali, please relax. Just a little, Carlisle is nervous about this weekend. Bring it down a notch…or seven." Bella sighed leaning against the door while Jasper tried to shove the plethora of bags his women brought for a three day weekend.

I smiled at how perceptive Isabella was. I hadn't told her a thing yet she had known.

"Fine but I call shot gun. Oh Ducky…it's just like old times!"

"Alice, Carlisle already has shot gun, he's not moving and this bouncing is not very relaxed. You look like Paris Hilton's dog on crack. I have a spray bottle and I'm not above using it."

"Hey, not nice! Bella, a few days ago I didn't think you'd want me to come. I'm so excited! Carlisle, aren't you excited?"

Jasper came over and hugged her from behind. "Yeah, darlin, Carlisle is excited. Can't you tell?"

I cursed him under my breath as Alice's eyes went from my lap to Bella's smug little face. She was going to pay for this.

"Ohhh, Bella you were not over exaggerating at all! He's huge!" Alice screamed, smacking her best friend's arm hard."Were you and Magic fingers being naughty in Darcy? Poor sexy, virgin Mr. Darcy, the things he must have heard."

"He heard nothing because you guys showed up now, can we stop talking about this and go." I snapped feeling more like a child than I had in decades.

Both women looked over at me with amused smiles and Jasper simply shook his head and climbed in the back seat. Isabella and Alice whispered like schoolgirls outside, giggling occasionally. It was good to see Bella so happy and had it not been for the fact that she was cock blocking us at every turn I would have gotten out and hugged her.

"It's good to see them so happy, ain't it Carlisle?" I nodded, watching the girls hug once more. "Did I hear correctly just now, did Alice just call this car Darcy, as in Pemberley's Darcy? Don't look at me like that asshole, I read. And Alice loves that movie."

Figures, she probably made him watch it a million times.

"Yes, Bella apparently loves Mr. Darcy."

"These girls are too much man."

"I know…I know but would you have it any other way Jazz?"

"No, never."

Alice pulled Bella's seat forward and climbed in the back with Jazz, rattling on and on about how much I was going to love Isabella's home. In her excitement she lapsed into French while describing the crumbing allure of the house and how the garden was nothing sort of heaven. Bella got in shaking her head at her friend and started the car, but not without kissing me and apologizing for making this a carpool trip.

"It's fine, but tonight it's just you and me."

"I'm miles ahead of you Carlisle."

"Okay, stop eye fucking your honey and concentrate." Alice interrupted, leaning forward. "Driving tunes Bella. What should we listen to…do you boys have a preference?"

"Johnny Cash would be nice or maybe some Elmore James."

"Johnny Cash is not road music, Jazzy."

"Depends who you ask Darlin'."

Bella rolled her eyes and started messing with her iPod, "What would you like to listen to Carlisle?"

"Anything is fine Bella."

"Ahhh, BELLA! I want to listen to Kings of Leon! You can't give Carlisle all rights to the music just because you two play hide the sausage!"

"Alice!" Bella chastised.

"I mean what if he picks something horrible and we're stuck listening to crap the whole way."

Turning to face her, I started defending myself. "Hey, I have great taste in music."

"He really does, Darlin'. Carlisle even pl—"

"Well that remains to be heard and I want to listen to Caleb's voice!"

"Hey, children! Shut up. Here are the rules of the road. No fighting over the music, _Alice_. No bickering and No asking _Are we there yet?_ I made a playlist so everyone should be happy, a little of everything. Alice, don't make me change Caleb's sex voice," Bella threw a warning glare at her friend through the review mirror. "Control yourself…just a bit. No road trip orgasms, we aren't alone."

"Like you're any better! Wasn't it you that told him you loved him! Oh yeah, I remember. You were all, 'I love you Caleb, you and your sexy beard!' He blushed! Almost as much as you did when he winked at you."

"Ahhh, good times Ali, good times. But I recall you screaming out the same thing to Nathan, only it wasn't as PG rated."

"Fuck Sex on Fire. The man is Sex on Drums Bella, you expect me to control myself. I don't think so! If he wasn't married I'd be on that like butter on mashed potatoes!"

"Butter on mashed potatoes…sound messy Ali." Bella commented, pulling out on to the road fluidly.

"Oh yeah, about as messy you salivating over Matthew Bellamy last year. I was afraid I was going to have to get you a bib and they don't sell Muse bibs."

"Ahhh, good times Ali, good times. What if a baby likes Muse, they should get on that. Matthew Bellamy is just a musical stud! That voice, those piano skills and what the man can do on a guitar. And that nose, Oh, be still my beating heart."

"He has a fucked up ass nose and no lips but to each their own. I'll give you music stud, but if Matthew is a stud then Jack White is a musical genius. He starts kick ass bands like you kick start Viggo every morning. And those eyes…"

"You're right, he is amazing, talented, and unique and his eyes are great, very deep. But we can't forget about Johnny Flynn, his eyes are beautiful and he can sing and play the guitar like an angel…very soulful. Quite deep."

"I hate Johnny Flynn…he's too bitchy. I can't stand bitchy folk artists. Brits Bella, most of your loves are Brits! Though I have to agree Billy Idol….rawrr!"

"It's lip Ali, it's the lip."

"Fuck the lip Ducky, it's skin tight leather pants and studs Bad boy thing. I'd do bad things to him…yum"

"You guys do realize that we are both in the car right?" Jasper interjected.

"Yes, Jazzy. I'm well aware that you guys are in the car because if you weren't Bells and I would be in the front seat having this conversation… you have nothing to worry about Jazz. Believe me."

"She's right Jasper. She's already had her fill of musicians…Right Ali."

"Shut up Bella!"

"What you don't like talking about Thomas Bangalter." Bella smiled into the mirror and shifted gears.

"Who is Thomas Bangalter?" Bella opened her mouth to answer me but was quickly cut off.

"Daft Punk's Thomas Bangalter?" Jasper asked sounding oddly amazed. Bella simply nodded and continued driving. "You dated the guy from Daft Punk."

"Ha! Dated…more like sucked face with and screwed. At a bar no less." Bella teased, trying to dodge Alice's slaps as we got on to the Soleil Motorway.

"That seems to be a trend Bella, finding guys at bars."

"_Churchill_ is a pub my love, way better than the rat hole you found Bangalter in." Bella replied hastily.

"Yeah, I fucked the guy but I'm not proud of it…he makes good music, but that's about all he does good. He needs some lessons and those looms ain't holding much fruit."

"Well, thank God for that. I thought I was going to have make damn sure you forgot about him…I might still have to."

"Jazz he has nothing on you. Not with what that tongue of yours can do!"

"Hey now, hands and tongues where I can see them. I'm not driving around with you two going at it back there. I did it once Alice…never again."

"Oh come on it was not that bad Ducky."

"I beg to differ Alice! Never in my life did I want to hear my best friend make those sounds…it's one thing when you pretending to have an orgasmic experience to Caleb's voice but another thing entirely when it's real."

"Whatever Bella…it's not like you're quite. I hear you can get pretty loud when Cullen here had his hands on you and his dick in you. Felix and I talk from time to time, and he has been talking a lot lately."

Bella blushed and concentrated on the road that suddenly seemed a lot more interesting. She seemed truly embarrassed that I had made her scream loud enough for Felix to hear across the hall and then share. Still blushing furiously she turned the music up a little, her teeth chewing on her lips hard. I assumed the music was meant to drown out the snickering in the back seat. I glared at Jasper who simply shrugged and whispered in Alice's ear.

Softly I reached over and caressed her bare leg, not to arouse her but simply to let her know she has nothing to be embarrassed about. I loved that I could pull those reactions from her.

"Isabella, sweetheart, you don't need to blush. Who cares if he heard, I loved hearing you. I love your reaction to me." I whispered low enough for only her to hear. They didn't need to know what I was telling her.

Caressing her cheek with the back of my hand, I admired the easy acceptance of my words, how simply she accepted what I told her as of late. I could see it in her eyes before she even spoke.

"Thanks Carlisle."

The passing miles as Bella drove and the conversation flowed from Alice's Collection to Jasper's body of work to Bella's next show in the summer. It amazed me how similar Jasper and Bella were, how they drew their inspirations and the way they liked to work. Neither of them liked to be micromanaged or hovered over while Alice didn't mind creating to an audience. She thrived on it. I listened as they spoke watching the Lyon landscape pass by too quickly. She drove her car like she road her bike, fast, but with finesse.

True to her word, there was something musically for everyone. Led Zeppelin for me, luckily it was windy so no one noticed when she blushed during Kashmir. There was even a little Johnny Cash—, which both Bella and Jasper sang with practice perfection. I had a feeling Bella liked Johnny Cash quite a bit from the way she belted out Ring of Fire, she even did the accent as well as Jasper.

Bella and Alice sung every word of every song played and only once did Alice moan at the sound of Kings of Leon. I knew about them only because of Bella, and I had to admit they were very good. On Call seemed to make Bella squirm and a certain Muse song made her breathe a bit faster. I tuned them out for a while and simply watched her, traced her profile with my eyes.

She was so incredibly beautiful, her hair loose and down around her shoulders, her creamy skin flushed from sun and wind. It was unclear how many miles I spent focused on her face but before I knew it, Alice was bouncing in the back seat clapping her hands like Nikki when Emmett gave her chocolate.

"Jazzy you're gonna love the house. It's beautiful and romantic. Oh, that must be a new record Bella. This trip is suppose to take eight hours…we got here in five!"

"Eight hours in a Smart-Car…this car was made to go fast. Besides I wanted Carlisle to see it at this time."

Both Jasper and I were speechless. As if reality was painted with Cezanne's palette Provence sat before us, ready to be explored, discovered. To Jasper and I this was new, the miles of untouched land, trees and fields, sun-bathed towns of beautifully aged buildings, open-air markets and warm spring air. It was enough to touch even the coldest person's heart and I found myself falling in love with France all over again.

"I told you Bella." Alice sang from the backseat.

"Shut up Alice, not now."

"You know I'm right."

"No, I don't. Besides you aren't always right."

"Yes, Ducky, I am."

"What are guys talking about?" Bella turned to me and shook her head, smiling sweetly. I let it drop and figured it was a girl thing.

We dropped them and their mountain of luggage at a nice looking blue house surrounded by little trees and rose bushes. They waved and promised to see us later we pulled away just in time to see Jasper haul Alice over his shoulder.

"My house isn't actually in Aix, more on the out skirts but its close enough. Do you want to go into town or see the house first?"

"The house first Bella…it's all I heard about for hours. What time do you need to meet Marcus?"

"Not for another hour or so."

I sighed as she drove; I had hoped she could blow off this first day of festivities. Responsibility tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me to be an adult, not the sex crazed and Bella obsessed man I felt like. We drove down a tree lined road, without a house in sight and I didn't realize that in France when they said 'just down the road' they meant two miles away.

"You seem very pensive today Carlisle. You hardly talked the whole way and you didn't once mention my driving."

"I know..."

"You mad?"

No.

I didn't answer her. I wasn't mad per say, just irritated that our time had to be divided, cut, quartered, and dispersed to different people. I knew this was supposed to be fun and under any other circumstance, I would have found it exciting, but I couldn't help but be a bit blue over this. Why she wasn't feeling it, I had no idea.

"Are you…m—mad at me?" She asked, sinking in her seat.

I snapped out of my piss ass mood to look at her. Bella looked much like the uncertain girl from weeks ago, so sadden at the thought that I'd be upset with her. What had she done to warrant any type of irritation? Absolutely nothing. Holding her face between my hands, I kissed her pouty lips.

"No, sweetheart I'm not mad you, I'm not mad at all. It's just…I'm not looking forward to this hiding. We don't hide on weekends Bella, and I don't want to. There's going to be tons of people and eyes watching us. I'm going to have to keep my distance…and I don't want to."

"I don't want to either but it won't be that bad Carlisle, I promise. You'll see. No one has to know where you're staying and inside my house, we don't have to hide, hell you don't even have to put on clothes. You're sitting at my table on Sunday because Alice is dating your cousin and because you are a part of Canard. That's all anyone needs to know. And as for the party later, we only have to be there for a little while, put in some face time. Besides I have something planned for us where we don't need to hide at all. Please forget about everything else and just enjoy this with me. Let me share this with you Carlisle, please."

I was being such a dick, ruining this for her.

It was hard to look into her deep eyes and not tell her the real reason I was dreading this weekend, the real reason I was so pensive and nervous. I was scared of the possibly that I wouldn't get this job—that I'd have to leave her when I had already built up this hope that I'd get to stay.

"Okay Bella. I trust you. Let's get to your house, yeah."

"We're already here, Carlisle."

Looking out the window, I was met with a sight of the most beautiful mini chateau. Of course, I had seen the house already, in pictures, but this was something else. The weathered exterior spoke of Provence summers, long afternoons spent lounging and a tender owner. Faded cream stutters flanked large windows, rouge flowers and ivy vines crawled between them, almost completely blanketing the house. Shady trees and typical lavender surrounded the property giving off an air of serene bliss. In a few words, the place was picturesque, ideal and heavenly. You could see yourself living the rest of your days in this home and never want for more, never lust for the city.

It reminded me of the house I had written, the home where William escaped to. Trust Bella to show me that things like this existed outside of pages in a book.

"It looks like you Bella."

_It's perfect, like you._

* * *

**A/N:Leave me some love, s'il vous plait!**

**Translation:**

**Good morning handsome(literally mean **_**my handsome**_**)/Bonjour mon beau**

**Obviously not becasue you have not said one intelligent thing since you walked in here today/Évidemment pas parce que vous n'avez pas dit une chose intelligente depuis que vous avez marché dedans ici aujourd'hui**


	22. Besame Mucho

**A/N: Warning...this one might be a tearjerker. I cried at bit but that could be because I'm very connected to these characters. Listen to the song Besame Mucho by Tino Rossi while you read, it will change your life.**

**Thank you Marissa, for being awesome and not getting pissed at me for posting chapters before you can edit them. You always send them along so I can replace the shitty ones and I heart you big time for that.**

**I own nothing...SM does.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

BPOV

While Carlisle looked at the house in awe I got out of the car to close the gate Marcus had left unlocked and wide open. With a clang, the black Iron Gate closed and I felt sheltered. So utterly tucked away with the man I loved. From the corner of my eye I saw a red bitch Smart Car parked a little ways down the road and gave it a wave because pictures of me flicking these people off was classless and I had been taught better than that. Inside I was telling whoever it was to go away and go to hell in every language I knew and even some I didn't know but only bothered to learn the curse words to. They were the most fun anyway. Never in my life have I been so thankful for the gate, trees, and tall stone walls that encompassed _Fleurs Sauvages_.

When I came back to the car I smiled at the sight Carlisle made. He looked dazed, like a child trying to decide which gateaux he wanted to try first. Shaking my head I popped the trunk to take the luggage out but Carlisle was beside me in seconds, taking the two bags and the garment bag into his hands. The garment bag brought me a sense a joy because both my dresses and his suit were in there together. I liked the idea of our clothes being pressed against each other, sharing the same space. I was almost certain his pants were putting the moves on both dresses.

_Merde, even his clothes has game._

"You didn't think I'd let you carry those did you, Isabella?"

He was such a gentlemen.

After setting down our bags in the foyer I hung the antique key on the hook and watched it sway. It was my favorite part of coming to Fleurs Sauvages—well one of my favorite things. The lock was old and the copper had been green with an aged patina and not some imitation and could only be opened with its ancient mate. The key was beautiful, heavy and made of iron and the first time it was handed over to me I danced around. I bought it with my own money; I found the place and fixed it up myself. Most people wouldn't understand how important that was, to have something that had nothing to do with Aro's mountain moving name.

"Wow. Isabella, this is beautiful." Carlisle whispered taking in my home.

It was beautiful but Carlisle made it complete in a way it had never been, even when it was full of the people I loved most in the world. Taking his hand in mine, I tugged him towards the living room. "Come on, I'll show you around."

I had seen it a thousand times before but watching Carlisle everything felt new. The tea colored faded walls with their moldings and frames stood tall and proud. Light stone floors beneath our feet were cool to the touch as I slipped off my flats and showed him the marble fireplace and plush blue sofas, my odd mismatched and crackled tables and the overstuffed stripped sapphire chairs. He looked around as if the living room would speak to him and the most adorable noise came from the back of his throat when he saw the full wall of French doors leading outside—thankfully I had drawn the drapes back the last time I was here so he got an unveiled look at the rest of my land. The outside could wait till later, tomorrow we could go out there.

"Is this a…a Van Gough? I thought…I thought there was only o…one of these? How…how…" His shudder was adorable as he took in the painting hanging over the mantle.

"No, it's a replica. Normally I like one of kind things but this made me want to be an artist. Aro took me to Musée d'Orsay for my fifth birthday and I fell in love. He tried to buy it for me but that was crazy, he was so crazy. Always trying to spoil me…or make up for, well, you know."

He nodded, still gazing at the ridiculously expensive gift from my grandfather. In fact all of my most opulent things were gifts from Aro. My car, my company, my bike, my painting…not to mention the family townhouse in Paris he left me.

I missed him; on this weekend most of all. I hadn't let myself think about him being gone in a while but here, they came back. He was like a good friend who moved to another country, accept I couldn't call him and I knew I'd never see him again. In Paris his loss could be absorbed by so many other things but in Provence I knew he was gone. I wasn't heartbroken or even tremendously grieved but I missed his extravagance, his thirst for life and above all his unwavering love.

"He loved you very much." I hadn't noticed Carlisle moving closer to me but he didn't startle me, his voice held me, made me happy and loved as he leaned into me. "I knew him you know…I met him at Northwestern my senior year. He was a speaker in one of my courses. I remember he took an interest in me because I was the only one that addressed him in French. We kept in contact from time to time and each time he mentioned you. His little bee."

"Really? He called me that all the time…it was my favorite word. I kept say it over and over, la abeille. I thought it was a pretty word. I swear Carlisle I'll never live down these baby names. You do something as kid and it stays with you forever. If I ever have kids I won't do that to them."

He nodded thoughtfully and looked towards the steps. "Can we see the rest of it?"

"Yeah, but some rooms are pretty pointless. A guest room is a guest room is a guest room and I have about six of them so...the dining room is un pue boring so we'll skip it for now." I told him while walking to the kitchen. He laughed at me and my love of kitchens. He was right of course, I loved kitchens. It was one of the first things I fixed when I bought the place but I didn't get why it was so funny to him. He made a remark about my purposely making the counters a certain height, smirking while he petted the cool surface like he touched me.

Wicked man.

"Keep it up and you won't find out how perfect those counters can be. The library is through here smart ass," I laughed, smacking his arm.

"It's not my fault that you have a dirty mind Isabella, I was just commenting on their height."

"Sure you were and you were just petting the marble because you like how worn it feels, right? The dining room table is quite worn too if you'd like to feel it up as well."

"Isabella, I only want to feel you up." He whispered against my ear, his arms circling my waist.

"Later, I promise." I wanted his hands on me now but we had crap to do and a date tonight and if I started now we'd end up christening every room and surface.

"You keep saying that Bella. When is later?"

Turning in his embrace I pressed my lips to his chest and promised him alone time for the millionth time. He agreed with a smile, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners and kissed me chastely.

The library was warm and the drapes had been drawn to let in some spring light. Again I watched Carlisle take in my home. He scanned the spines, gingerly pulling out a children's book and put it back on the shelf with a breathtaking smile. Again his eyes lit up at the French doors leading outside to the garden, pool and terrace. I promised him we'd go out there as soon as possible and with a kiss to his sun warmed cheeks I dragged him towards the staircase.

He was rambling about how ideal my place was, how much he loved the cold stone curved steps and iron railings and me thinking about how I wanted to lock him up here and never let him leave. It was a passing thought and even though I knew he was "technically" leaving Wednesday I didn't give it much weight because I knew he would get the job.

I wasn't worried; in fact I was pretty damn happy. If he did have to leave it would more than likely be to pack up his things and close out his job in the windy city. It would take a week or two at the most and maybe I could go with him. I had never been to Chicago anyway.

My bed room was peaceful, blue and worn just like the rest of the house. The walls had moldings and mismatched frames with pictures dear to my heart. Carlisle, much like he had done with my flat, observed everything with a faint smile on his handsome face and a curious spark in his beautiful eyes. Sitting on the bed he patted the spot beside him asking me to join him. I did, snuggling up to his side and resting my head on his shoulder.

"This is nice, just you and me," he murmured into my hair, his arms wrapping around my body. He made me feel so safe; I wondered if he knew that. "I've wanted to be alone with you since you left the bed this morning. You're always so soft and warm."

I hummed because he felt the same way to me. He kissed my hair and pulled me closer.

The tall window was open and the spring air was playing with the creamy drapes, making them flutter with life. His heart was steady and calm beneath my palm and it seemed like a perfect time to tell him exactly how I felt. Alice had insisted that he would return the sentiment; she was so sure in the car that he felt the way I did but a love for my country, a love for Provence or Paris didn't translate into a love for me. I wanted to hear those words back when I said them to him, call it selfish but _"I want to really mean it when I to say those words to you Bella"_ was not what I wanted.

I wasn't France. And this wasn't his book. I could wait...we had time.

"What are you thinking about Isabella?" Carlisle asked softly, pulling down to lie on the bed with him.

"Do you like it?" He nodded, tracing patterns on my skin with his finger tips. "You're the only one to sleep in this bed with me…not even Alice has…slept here."

His fingers stop their lazy drawing and I held my breath as I waited for the gentle caress to start back up again. They didn't. Had I said too much?

"Why did you tell me that Isabella?"

"Because," I moved on top of him so I could see his face when I told him this, suddenly feeling confident. "I want you to know that no else has been where you are now. You may have not been my _first—_as much as I wish you would have been—but I have other firsts that are yours, other things the belong to you," _like my heart for one_," and I just want you to know about them. Jacob never stayed here; he hated my bike and my car. He hated my grandfather and Aro hated him. He never came with me to these weekends. I never planned dates with him and I never hated leaving his side. I hate leaving your side."

It wasn't _I love you_, but it was pretty clear how I felt. Biting my lip I searched his face for any objection to what I was telling him, any sign that Carlisle was getting ready to run. Pulling my lip from my teeth he kissed me tenderly, cradling my head between his strong hands like something precious.

"Isabella, my sweet girl, I hate leaving your side aussi," he whispered against my lips.

That wasn't an _I love you_ either but I felt it everywhere.

xXXx

"So what now you're going to parade him around here like nothing Bella. The consequences are very high and you're acting as if nothing bad will happen if people find out." Marcus whispered through clenched teeth, sending Carlisle a cold side glance.

"Stay out of it Marcus I told you once. I will not tell you again. Remember who you work for." He colored up in anger but I couldn't have cared less. I was tired of his shit.

If Marcus' demeanor bothered Carlisle he did a damn good job of hiding it. "I thought you were smarter than this Bella. I thought you were better than countless women that let themselves get tangled in hidden affairs. He does not live here and when he leaves who will clean up the mess?"

I was about to lash back when Carlisle shook his head softly. Let it go Bella. I didn't want to but I did, because he asked me to. I bit my tongue, tasting blood and waved at Felix, who was passing by with a tall red head. He smirked and threw me a kiss. Man whore.

We were at the Aix market; people affiliated with Canard were meandering about eating cheese and little hors d'oeuvres, kissing ass and all around clocking in face time with the boss, which oddly enough was me. I loved my company, I really did but I didn't like dealing with them and their asinine rambling and need to corner me in order to gain favor—which is why I had always deferred to Aro or Marcus. I liked dealing with the writers. The authors were different, aloof and withdrawn, I liked them, they didn't feel the need to test how close they could get before I snapped and the conversation was always interesting.

This afternoon was really a "meet and greet" to get the weekend rolling; the real fun was on Saturday and Sunday. I plastered a smile on my face, said hello, acted the part but inside I was screaming for everyone to stop crowding me. Thousands of bodies stood between Carlisle and I hated that feeling, the separation. It made me sick. Carlisle mingled with much more grace than me; at least he looked genuinely interested in the crap these people were talking about. I spotted Alice and Jasper and they came over to where I was being drilled about the importance of fine editing. Thankfully, Alice made a remark about ball sacs and spiked heels and the man scampered off, suspiciously cupping his groin.

"Thanks Ali, my love! That man was boring me to tears." I sighed, holding her tighter.

"No problem Ducky, he remindes me why we always skip this day. No offense but…these Canard people are pack of douches. When are you and Zeppelin getting the lead out?" She asked taping her heeled foot on the cobble stone.

Who wears four inch heels to walk around on uneven cobbled stone?

Alice that's who!

"Zeppelin?" I asked hugging Jasper. It was odd to be on such amazing terms with Ali's beau...but he was like, dare I say, family.

"Jazzy told me Carlisle can play Stairway to Heaven…hence the name Zeppelin! You like? I like considering what you told about a certain song and what happened on a certain counter."

I blushed, regretting my frankness.

"Ali, darlin' please stop talkin' about my cousin's sex life in front of me."

"Oh, come on Jazzy, grow up. I didn't say a thing and you're the one that told me about Stairway to Heaven!"

My heart pounded hard at this new piece of information. Oh, my body wanted him right this minute. I had to figure out a way to hear this for myself. The list of things I needed to see him do had a new addition: One, see him play football, Two, get his to play Stairway to Heaven. Fuck, this man was going to kill me!

"Sorry Bella, I didn't know it would lead to yet another nick name. I'm really sorry but you know how she is when she wants information. So when are you and _Carlisle_ heading out?"

"In fifteen minutes," I told him, still dazed and confused looking over to where Carlisle had been standing. He wasn't there. Where the devil did that man go? "At least I hope in fifteen minutes."

I was busy looking for him that I hardly noticed Emmett, Rose and their precious double mint twins show up, closely followed by my dad. Emmett hugged me so hard my back cracked which prompted Rose to scold him for being such a brute. I waved her fussing off because it was a little weird and because I was fine. No harm, no foul. Jackson asked with his puppy eyes if I could carry him and after his parents said yes I did so gladly. He put his head on my shoulder and gave me a tissy. I could honestly say that I loved this kid, I wanted one just like him. Nikki was wiggling and calling me in her daddy's arms but she quieted down once I gave her cute pink cheeks a kiss and a chocolate Carlisle had given me. Maybe I was being bad and giving her chocolate but...both her and her brother looked adorable with smudges on their cute faces.

"I'm surprised to see you here Bella, don't you and Alice usually skip this day and spend it at _Fleurs Sauvages_. "

"Yes dad, but this year Aro isn't here to do the honors, so I had to do it."

"Well, that is very _responsible_ of you Isabella Marie." I flinched at his barbed comment and my name. He only every call me Isabella Marie if he was upset with me.

"You're making it sound like that's something out of character for me dad."

"It is as of late, Isabella." I felt six, why did he have to be scolding me. "I saw the bike parked around the corner, haven't you had enough trouble with that bike for one week? How many more pictures would you like to have taken of you and that bast-"

"Hey Charlie, how's the garden coming?" Alice cut in before he let everyone know what he thought of Carlisle. Most of the people in the circle were related to Carlisle. "I hear you had a gnome that looks like Nicolas Sarkozy! Must be one ugly mother fucker."

I covered Jackson's ears as did Emmett with Nikki. Rose held out her hand and Alice handed over a twenty towards the swear jar. That ought to cover her for the afternoon.

"Alice, please watch your language," Charlie told Alice with an indulgent smile. "And yes, he is very ugly but the gnome doesn't appear in the tabloids half as much."

The group didn't know what to make of that. Emmett chuckled nervously, running a hand through his curls. Rose narrowed her eyes but said nothing and her twin glanced at me with compassion. Ali squeezed my hand, letting me know that she was there.

"You look good Swan my man, even got a bit of tan going there." Emmett commented loudly, in an attempt to change the subject.

"He's right, you look good dad." He murmured his assent and buttoned his lip. It hurt to see him be so cold with me, he was never cold and I couldn't recall one time I made him so angry that his affection for me vanished. I wanted to cry or better yet, I wanted Carlisle to come over and hold me.

Seeing that Carlisle was miles away from me and my father was being an all round douche bag I felt anger bubble in the pit of my stomach. Charlie never acted this way towards Renee, why with me? Why treat the only one who's never left you, never stopped loving you, so bloody glacial?

"I've been good too dad, not that you care. Maybe if I was with Jake you'd be happy. His taste is very different from mine but at least he's my age. You and Billy would be so thrilled."

"Isabella, you will behave." He snapped.

"I'm not a child Charlie." I snapped, equally as terse.

"That's right, you've lived so much. You know him so well. Forgive me."

I felt tear trickle my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

The two couples that made up our group looked uncomfortable. I smiled softly in apology; they didn't need to witness this. As if on cue Carlisle walked over cautiously, greeting everyone with a warm smile, even Charlie. There was no question as to who Charlie was, Carlisle knew.

"Hello everyone. Nikki, how's my princess? Can I hold her Emm?" I beamed when Carlisle took her into his arms and kissed the same cheeks I had just kissed. He would have made such a great father, it was a shame he never got the chance. "Sir, you must be Isabella's father? I'm Carlisle Cullen, I've heard nothing but wonderful things from both Bella and my cousins."

Charlie looked at the hand being offered to him like it was a piece of trash, grunted and walked away. Carlisle looked over at me, his blue eyes sad as he offered me an apology, whether for not winning over Charlie or for Charlie's abrupt departure I couldn't tell. Either way he had nothing to be sorry for.

"Bella, sweetheart…I'm..."

"Its fine…can we go?"

We said our goodbyes, handed the children back to their parents and left the market place, separately. Strangers in public, lovers in private…it sounded like a torrid love affair.

xXXx

"Just get on the bike Carlisle." I was losing my patience. We had been arguing over whether or not to take the bike for ten minutes. He was concerned about being spotted; especially now having heard everything Charlie said. He was trying to save me from any more scolding. I was a grow women and this coddling was starting to piss me the fuck off.

"Carlisle, so help me, get your ass on the bike or I'm making you sleep outside. Where we're going no one is going to give a shit who you are or who I am. Provence is a different world compared to Paris. Get on the bike and leave the helmet."

I heard him mutter something that sounded like _bloody women_ and moments later he climbed on behind me. Snaking his arms around my waist so he could caress my stomach his lips found their favorite place; the spot below my ear. A shiver ran through my body as his lips matched the dance of his fingers. Internally I thanked my good sense to wear such a thin dress and turned the key, loving the familiar sounds of Viggo coming to life, the thrumming of such a powerful machine beneath me.

"Bella, you wouldn't make me sleep outside." Umm, his voice was…intoxicating.

I pushed my ass back into his lap, anxious to feel the rough texture of his jean covered legs pressed against bare ones. "Oh yeah and how do you know that Carlisle?"

Kissing my ear he explained that I wouldn't make him sleep anywhere besides my bed because I would miss him. I really would, it was an empty threat. I shivered as his breath washed over my skin, his fingers working loose one of the buttons on my dress to get to my skin. I moaned loudly when he circled my navel with his thumb regardless to the fact that we were on the bend of my driveway, clearly visible. I wanted him so badly. He knew it.

"You would miss me Isabella and if I was sleeping outside I wouldn't be able to help you with the problem you seem to be having at the moment."

"What problem?" I asked breathlessly as I became very aware of his erection.

"Do you really think that I don't know when you're aroused Bella? I can feel it on your skin," his lips lingered over the rim of ear as his hands ran up and down my legs, "taste it on your lips."

He kissed me to prove his point; I couldn't help the moan that escaped me. He smiled against my lips and slid his hands up and under my dress, ignoring my drenched panties.

"See it in your eyes, Isabella." His blue eyes burned into mine, letting his desire meld with mine. He had such control over me. Why did I love it so much?

_Sorry about the wet spot Viggo, I'll wipe you down later._

I had to bite my lips to keep the sound building inside me form coming out as he teased my skin. Skimming my waist his hands climbed, caressing my ribs before he cupped my breasts. I whimpered when his thumbs brushed my sensitive nipples. I never got tired of his large warm hands touching me.

"Let me touch you Bella, please. You're wet, I'm impossibly hard and I want to touch you, make you feel good, make you scream. Please."

I sighed. It was tempting but…I wanted to show him a place near to my heart. I wanted to go out and be able to kiss him on the lips without worrying about who would see. I wanted to erase the horrible half ass date I had ruined with my anger and ranting. But his hands…oh god he was winning me over and all he had done was play with my nipples.

_Bella remember the pond at night…stay strong._

"Carlisle…"

"Baby, let me touch you." His breath was warm in my ear.

How could I deny him what my body wanted? I was no match for the sex voice.

Letting my head fall back on his shoulder I surrendered to him, to his touch. One hand drifted down between my legs and Carlisle wasted no time cupping my sex, groaning when he felt just how hot he'd gotten me. Whispering against my neck he dipped a finger under the fabric as his other had plucked and pinched my nipple. My hips bucked, wanting more. Softly he ran his finger up the length of my pussy, his fingers sinking inside, only just parting my lips and circling my clit. I gripped the handle bars for dear life and closed my eyes when his teeth scraped against my jaw.

"You're almost there aren't you sweetheart. I haven't even really touched you yet…" He bit my ear and thrust two fingers inside me with an agonizingly slow pace. I cried his name loudly, fuck anyone in the area listening. I could feel him pressed against my back and thighs, feels his breath on my skin, his heart pounding in rhythm with mine. His hands driving me higher, my bike's hum…my legs were shaking, my muscles tightening. I was so close, I could taste it. He could feel it. He worked harder, his fingers went deeper, each time stimulating that place deep inside me that make everything blur and quake.

"Oh…Carlisl—"

A smart car honked and Carlisle pulled his fingers out of me and my dress startled by the ridiculous sound. I whimpered at the loss of him and my orgasm. The universe hated me. I cursed the smart car and it's stupid horn under my breath.

"How the hell would you know that?"

"Jacob had one and I always thought the horn was rubbish and embarrassing as hell. The car is a joke." I moved the bike into gear and started to move but he stopped me. "What?"

"It's just us tonight, right." His breath was still ragged, from our actions but I could tell he was trying to calm down.

"Yes, it just us."

"Thank God, Bella. I love Alice, I really do but your friend drives me crazy."

I laughed and got out on the main road.

The drive was nice, and since I wanted him to see the country side I toned down the speed. Once Viggo came to a stop Carlisle helped me off, holding my body close to his and kissing my lips. His hair was windblown from not wearing a helmet on the ride and I threaded my fingers through it making it even messier. It was a miracle he didn't lose his glasses.

Hand in hand we made our way over to a Café where I requested a table by _L'etang_, the server simply smiled knowingly at me, claiming in that expression that she too knew what it was like to be in love. Once seated I ordered dinner, wine and dessert in my native tongue, knowing how much Carlisle liked it when I was spoke French. The women told me in her Provençal that she could see the love in my eyes and that I should be sure to tell him often.

_L'amour, oh! qu'acò's bèu!_ She said. Love, oh, it's beautiful. I was happy not everyone spoke Provençal. Carlisle had yet to say a word. His eyes were trained on me and much warmer than I recalled seeing them. He held my hand while I spoke to her, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.

"I didn't understand her, what did she say?" He asked after she walked away.

"She was speaking Provençal, not many people speak it. She said…she said love is beautiful."

"It is indeed." He hummed, nodding thoughtfully while taking in at our surroundings.

"Where are we Bella?"

"Cucuron."

In southeastern France there was an old commune named Cucuron and it just so happened to be birthplace of my grandfather. I first came here when I was seven and fell in love with the ruins, festivals, my history and the anonymity of this place buried on the Luberon mountain range surrounded by vines and olives trees. There was a saying that went along with the place, _Cucuron-les-Olivettes,_ meaning remote or a place that does not exist. I had always liked the idea, this place was magical and here, we didn't need to hide.

Sensing our seclusion among the twinkling candle lights and romantic atmosphere Carlisle slid his chair closer to mine, and kissed my cheek, whispering his thanks for the night ahead of us. This is what I had wanted, to lose myself completely in him in public like a normal couple.

"This is ideal Isabella. Do they always play music?"

"Friday is date night out here too Carlisle, music is romantic."

He grinned, called me a _cheeky girl_ and turned his attention to the band set up at the other end of _L'etang. _The moon was full and shinning on the placid pond and the night was balmy, a perfect match to the sultry Jazz swirling through the spring night air. We sat there oblivious to the couples around us, hands entwined. Dinner came and even then our hands didn't separate. Our meal—sautéed fresh loup in a creamy sauce with sautéed vegetables—was finished and wine sipped with few words between but every so often his eyes would trap mine in their depth. I hoped my eyes could say what my mouth had trouble saying.

Carlisle spotted our server and asked kindly for an espresso. I smiled at her dazed expression and flushed cheeks. He had that effect on women and she really hadn't been paying attention to him before. When our dessert and coffee showed up Carlisle's hand dropped to my thigh and squeezed it excitedly.

He loved chocolate mousse, this I knew because he told me once in passing. I shivered in pleasure when he asked if we could share. Typically I wasn't a chocolate fan, in fact I hated chocolate but when Carlisle Cullen asks to share a deep dark chocolate mousse, you fucking share that mousse and hope to God he feeds you.

Taking the tiny spoon Carlisle scoped a bit and held it to my lips, his eyes smoldering as he waited. Opening my mouth to him I took what he gave me and I might have moan at the rich taste of the desert on my tongue. He watched me, his breath coming faster as I reached out and returned the sensual favor. Grasping my hand his lips wraped around the spoon, his eyes fluttered shut while he enjoyed his treat. He smiled at me and we took turns feeing each other spoonfuls of chocolate and Chantilly cream.

"I love watching you eat, did you know that Isabella?" I shook my head blushing. The words were spoken so softly I could just imagine him telling me that he loved me in that very tone. Nuzzling his nose to my warm cheeks he pulled me closer to him. "I also love when you blush like that. How did you find this place Bella?"

"Aro, he brought me here when I was little after Charlie was hurt on the job. He needed to stay in the hospital for a few days so Aro kept me here. We went to the old church and walked around; he told me stories about his childhood here and how much he loved me. It's a nice memory, I didn't grow up here but it feels like home. I feel connected to Aro here."

"You're a lot like him you know. He had a passion for showing people sides of things they never knew before...you're very much like him." I nodded, sinking further into him. "Thank you for sharing this with me, for sharing these important things with me. Someday I'll have to take you England and return the favor."

"I'd love to go to England with you; would you take me to Anfield?" I asked excitedly.

"You have to tell me how this love of Liverpool started. I'm curious and you're very mysterious about this British obsession you seem to have." I laughed at him and told him that I was just being French, we were a mysterious people, you know. "Alright, but I'll find out."

The beginning of a song called my attention as did Carlisle's. I loved this song. It was tragic in a beautiful way. Carlisle seemed to know what I was thinking and asked me to dance with him. Couples were dancing between tables and with a slight nod of my head we became one of those couples.

With a grin tugging at his lips Carlisle wrapped one arm around my back, his fingers splaying out over my lower back while his other hand held mine close his mouth. He murmured the words to me, holding my body close to his as we swayed together. His tender embrace coupled with the words made my heart pound in my chest. Nothing had ever felt so right, so natural. I wanted to only ever dance with him. Leaning my head on his shoulder I brought our hands to his chest, kissing his knuckles as his words floated around our bubble.

"I've never dance with anyone like this Carlisle." I felt him smile before he continued singing.

_Besame, besame mucho_

_Embrasse-moi, mon amour, que je puisse oublier,_

_Oublier le temps en fuite,_

_Et ma chanson n'aura plus qu'un seul mot : aimer..._

My eyes welled with tears against my will, as the song sung my fears. Fears I thought I had banished. As it turns out I had simply hid them under my feelings for Carlisle. I was afraid of losing him, I wanted him to kiss me every day as if it was the last time and never let go. A voice in the back of my mind whispered that one of these kisses would be our last.

Dis-toi que c'est le désir éternel qui s'envole

Vers toi que j'appelle les yeux ouverts dans la nuit,

Malgré l'heure qui fuit, quand tout bas je redis

He sang, holding me not noticing that my heart was actually breaking at the thought that I'd never spend time with him this way. I had no idea where my sense of bravado went; just this afternoon I had been so sure that he would be here; that he wouldn't leave but now…I was afraid.

Perhaps it was because each day that I spent with him I fell in love with more deeply. To think that I'd never wake to his face, never share meals with him or have him ask me about my day like it meant the world to him…it physically hurt.

"This is very different than our last dance Isabella. It's nice holding you like this, being able to just kiss you when I want without having to worry about who's watching…although a lot of these couple are watching us. You were right about it being different down here." I nodded and sniffled.

"Hey, honey what's wrong?" He pulled back to study my face and when he saw my tears Carlisle's face fell. Letting go of my hand he kissed away the tears. "What is it Bella, please tell me."

"It's…its n—nothing…I'm just emotional Carlisle." I lied. He asked if I was sure there was nothing else and I nodded, my heart in my throat. He didn't look convinced but pulled me back to his chest anyway.

"I can't comfort you if I don't know what is hurting you." I stayed silent and after a while he sighed and rubbed my back affectionately, "Bella, what am I going to do with you, love?"

I thought for a moment as the last words of the song faded into the night and the music stopped.

"Kiss me, Carlisle, please."

xXXx

The heavy door closed behind us and I blindly searched for the light switch. Before I could find it Carlisle gripped my hips and pulled me to his body. I gasped feeling him hard and hot behind me. He hummed low and husky into my hair as rubbed himself against me. Reaching behind me I ran my fingers up the length of his zipper, cupping his cock through his jeans. I did this to him. I made react this way… it made me feel so powerful. Carlisle moaned my name, _Isabella_, and no other sound had ever sounded better. Holding me closer and kissing a trail up my neck to the hollow behind my ear he offered me the comfort he was so desperate to give. The comfort I had no idea how to ask for.

His lips soothed me. The hands roaming the length of my torso reminded me that he was here, with me and that now was not the time to dwell on my abandonment issues.

_Not everyone leaves Bella._

But sometimes they do.

"I want you," he rasped in my ear before turning me around and taking my lips passionately.

He tasted like espresso and my man—strong and piquant. I clung to him, my fingers gripping his thin knit sweater as his lips moved over mine. His nimble fingers reached for my dress, popping each plastic disc out oppose to yanking the dress from my body like I knew he wanted to. I felt his hands brush against my belly and shivered. He let go of my lips and hooked his fingers under the fabric at my hips, looking down at my underwear like it had insulted him. The offending garment slide down my legs, his hands dragging on my thighs, knees, ankles until the fabric pooled at my feet.

Despite how overcome with lust he was his actions weren't rough, firm, insistent but never animalistic. He tossed my dress aside after covering my stomach with his lips, and never had I been more delighted in my decision to forgo a bra.

I should have been embarrassed at being naked in the foyer while Carlisle remained fully dressed playing with my body but I wasn't. I was his in every way and I needed to feel him.

He lifted me easily, wrapping my legs around him, pressing my sensitive body against him. I felt the soft fabric of his sweater on my hard nipples and belly, his burning arousal through his jeans nestled against my core where it belonged. Carlisle started walking but he stopped, debating whether to take me to the living room, the kitchen or upstairs. I needed him now, location be damned!

"Stairs…Carlisle, please on the stairs! I need you inside of me!" He shook his head, the stone was too hard, too cold and he didn't want have me there. I didn't care. My body was screaming but my mouth simply whimpered, feeling his hands squeeze my ass.

"Is this table sturdy, Isabella?" He asked in a tenor that made my bones melt. I nodded but I couldn't really be sure what table he was asking me about.

_Dining room table? _

_Who gives a fuck!_

He laid me down and stood between my legs, rubbing my thighs with his hot hands. I protested his clothes, frantically crawling off his sweater to get to the wealth of hard muscles and golden hair beneath. My fingers spread through his chest hair following it down his firm abs eliciting a groan from Carlisle. Too many clothes, too many clothes…I needed to feel his skin burn on mine. I needed to feel him.

Unbuttoning his jeans and shoving them off his hips along with his boxer briefs he covered my body with his own. I sighed feelign his weight on me, he was heavy but I relished in it. With his hands resting on either side of my face, he kissed my ear, nibbled before sucking on the lobe. I moaned into his neck feeling his hot cock between my legs sans fabric keeping me at bay. "I need to feel…your skin on mine…just as bad."

A low keen pierced through the air as he slid himself deep inside and I only realized it was me when I saw his lips curve into beautiful smile. Burrowing his face in my neck he plunged into me, sensuously making me feel every inch connecting us. He fit inside of me perfectly as if he was made to fit me. Intertwining my legs with his I chanted his name like a prayer.

"Carlisle."

"I know baby, I know."

Preferring to stay as deeply connected to me Carlisle rocked and circling his hips against me, out, swivel, in, swivel, out…in tandem with the song we had dance to only half an hour before. It was enough, his understanding of what I needed and the fact that he seemed to need it as well became the catalyst to most intense climaxes to date.

My body arched up into him, legs shook with each spasm of ecstasy that passed through me dragging him along with me to this chasm of bliss. Like a starfish clings to a rock I clung to him. With a deep groan he released inside of me, marking me in a way only he had ever marked me.

_Another first that belonged to him…_

I love you.

Tears welled in my eyes and felt the familiar tightness in my chest when he moved to get up, as he tried to slip away. I didn't let him. Tightening my grasp on his body I willed him to stay as close as he was right this moment and prayed that my sheer will would keep him by my side.

I love you.

"Isabella, you have to tell me," he whispered, stroking my face.

I wasn't sure I could speak without giving away the fact that I was crying like an idiot after my boyfriend gave himself to me completely. I felt like a fool, scared within reason but a fool nonetheless. He urged me to talk to him; he didn't demand but asked me. He'd never understand how much I loved him…I didn't even fully understand. My lip started to tremble and when he started cooing in my ear I knew he could feel my tears for the second time to tonight.

"Please."

With that word the damn broke and felt more tears fall, over and over leaking from my eyes as I fought to compose myself. Composure was out the window as each insecurity came rushing back. Images of waking alone in a couple of days from now empty and alone, of watching him walk away from me forever flooded my mind. I couldn't watch that, it hurt so much.

He picked me up and started walking but I didn't care where he was going as long as I was going with him. Settling on what I assumed was my bed he cradled me like you would a small child, rubbing my back and rocking me back and forth, letting me cry against his shoulder.

"Where did my brave girl go?" I truly had no idea, I wish I knew so I could bring her back. I didn't want to feel this, especially after what we had just shared. "Isabella, please tell me."

"Promise…y—you won't go." Promise me you won't leave me.

"Oh, honey. Why didn't you tell you felt this way? Is this why you were crying before?" I nodded, holding on to him tighter as I sobbed. "I promise you. I won't."

I pulled back to look at his face. I needed to know if he was being serious or if this was just a pacifier to get me to stop crying. His face was the picture of honesty as he tucked my hair behind my ears. I nodded my head in the trust that he was telling me the truth and took my place of his shoulder. The last thing I remember hearing before I fell asleep were the words whispered into my ear.

" Et sa chanson n'aura plus qu'un seul mot : aimer...I won't leave Bella._"_

* * *

**A/N: Hug. kiss. or bitch me out. Just let me know what you think.**

_**Fleurs Sauvages **_**is the name of Bella's Provence chateau. It means wildflowers.**

**Translations from song Besame Mucho by Tino Rossi.**

*****_**Embrasse-moi, mon amour, que je puisse oublier,**_

_**Oublier le temps en fuite,**_

_**Et ma chanson n'aura plus qu'un seul mot : aimer…**_

*** Besame, besame mucho**

**Kiss me, my love, which I can forget,**

**To forget time in escape,**

**And my song I will no longer have; only one word: to love…**

_*** **__**Dis-toi que c'est le désir éternel qui s'envole**_

_**Vers toi que j'appelle les yeux ouverts dans la nuit,**_

_**Malgré l'heure qui fuit, quand tout bas je redis**_

*** Think that eternal desire which fly away**

**Towards you that call the eyes open in the night,**

**In spite of l' hour which flees, when low I repeat**

_*** Et sa chanson n'aura plus qu'un seul mot : aimer...**_

*** And that song no longer will I have; only one word: to love…**


	23. May the force be with you

**AN: I'm posting this for Autumn because she isn't feeling too well at the moment but wanted to give you guys a chapter this week. Hope you all enjoy. A special thanks to Kay, from the both of us, you know exactly why.**

**The usual disclaimer stands, twilight belongs to SM, M simply plays with her characters.**

* * *

Carlisle's Point of View

Before getting out of bed, I studied the rumpled beauty tangled in the sheets. She looked sexy and thoroughly ravished, one hand curled by her face while the other rested on my chest. The sheets rose and feel in rhythm with her breathing, exposing the tops of her creamy breasts and because we had fallen asleep a few hours ago, her skin, especially her exposed thighs, was flushed. Carefully untangling myself from her, I looked for some lounge pants and put them on. Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, I moved some pieces of hair away from her beautiful face.

"Carlisle…I….mmmyou….mucho."

I grinned like a fool and made my way down stairs. Her bilingual sleep talking was endearing.

Dawn was rising casting the morning light through the sheer curtains and despite our late night, I couldn't sleep any longer. Isabella would be proud of me for getting up at such an ungodly hour. Making my way into the kitchen, I started the coffee maker. It was fucking early and there was no way I was going to make it through the day on three hours of sleep without coffee. Bella liked the strong stuff, dark Turkish roast, and I swear I fell harder for her when I saw and smelled the grounds waiting in the filter. I wasn't addicted like everyone said…I was co-dependent. While the dark liquid percolated, I mulled over the idea of making Bella breakfast. The only problem being, I wasn't a particularly good cook and I was wholly out of practice.

_She like toast and fruit you sod, how hard can that be?_

Luckily, Bella had thought of everything or she had made sure someone stocked the place; either way there was enough food to feed six Emmetts for the week. I found her pantry after the fourth try, but at least now, I knew where the washing machine was. That was important, right. No. I didn't anticipate washing clothes but maybe I'd toss Bella on the washer and make use of the spin cycle. It took a bit longer than I thought to gather the bread, fruit and coffee cups, but I managed. By that time the coffee was done, I took the tray of food out onto the terrace, which was just off the kitchen because I remembered how much she liked eating outside.

Every inch of this place was lovely, from the stone pavers to the Judas tree filled with chirping birds. Actually I could do without the birds. Fucking birds…chirp _after _I've had my coffee.

I went back upstairs to wake Bella but when I got to her room I couldn't wake her, I didn't have the heart. She was lying on her side both hands rested by her face and her whole body curled around what had been my pillow. Her hair was everywhere, the sheets were gone leaving her long legs and tattooed ribs uncovered for my viewing pleasure. I wanted nothing more than to touch her. Spread her smooth thighs and taste her sweet centre, but she needed rest—she hadn't gotten much last night—so I left her, once more, with a kiss and headed back down stairs.

_Promise me you won't go._

Those words had pierced me; they were so desperate, so full of fear. I had thought I saw a shadow of alarm in her eyes while we were dancing but I couldn't be sure and she didn't tell me. I should have known what she was feeling. The song had always held a hauntingly romantic air for me but for two people in our situation the words were too real.

_Kiss me as if it was the last time, because I'm afraid I'll lose you later._

My intention was to go back out to the terrace but the state of the dining room table caught my attention in passing. The chair at the head of the table was pushed against the wall where I had shoved it aside. My sweater was hanging off the weathered green hutch and I suspected my pants and underwear would be where I discarded them last night.

The room was beautiful, soft and aged like it had seen dinner parties and holidays for centuries. I took pleasure in knowing that last night it had witnessed us making love. I absentmindedly stroked the table top recalling the way she kept whispering how much she needed me, not wanted but needed. The way her fingers had dug into me while I made love to her coxed me further, pulled me by the invisible line connecting us. Every part of me was with her, in _that _moment. When I felt her tears I knew why she had needed me so much… the connection was what she desired.

Sex was like that between us, a connection felt so deeply - neither of us knew that anything could be felt so intensely. If this was what she wanted I would give it to her over and over.

I craved that connection as well.

Last night was honestly the best one of my life. She took me to a hidden village, showed me that I was worthy of such deep affection. She was always thinking of ways to show me that she cared, that she not only listened to me but also committed my words to memory. With her thoughtfulness, she showed me that I was special to her. As much as I enjoyed visiting all the monuments this country was known for I much preferred the obscure places she unveiled because they were like her, hidden treasures waiting to discover. The little village where her grandfather had been born was perfection.

I was still standing in that spot, rubbing the table and thinking about how perfect she felt clenching around me as I drove into her when I heard the door knocker sound loudly. Apparently, I didn't answer fast enough because Alice started shouting at us to stop fucking and open the door. Closing the door to the christened room, I opened the front door to her and Jasper.

"Lower your voice, Alice. For the love of God not everyone is uncommonly cheerful at this hour."

"Ahh, there's no one around for miles. Nice by the way Carlisle…make a habit of answering the door half-naked, do we? Where's my bestie…she getting dressed?" Alice rambled on, giving me a quick peck on the cheek before strolling into the kitchen.

"Well Alice when you shout for me to stop fucking Isabella you don't give me much chance to find a shirt. At least lower your voice in the house." I called after her before turning to my cousin, "Morning Jazz."

"Mornin' Carlisle, sorry man, I tried to hold her off, she wanted to come over the second the damn rooster crowed…be thankful I got you some time."

"Believe me Jazz, I am. I owe you one. Coffee?"

"Yeah, thanks, man."

I lead him into the kitchen, while he made comments about Bella's house. Yeah, I agreed with him, I wanted to live here as well. Alice handed him a cup like she owned the place and asked once again where Bella was, rather impatiently.

A smile spread across my face, "Sleeping."

"Wow…you must have worn her out, that girl's always up at the ass crack of dawn. How was the date, you like Cucuron? Did you guys see the pond…did you make out like teenagers, well normal teenager? Bella never made out…ever! She was so weird growing up. Sooo…how was it? Don't leave anything out! Ahh…why am I asking you? I'll just go ask Bella."

"She's sleeping, leave her alone Alice." I pleaded, watching her inch her way out of the room.

"You should have thought about that before your all night fuck fest. I ain't letting her sleep any longer. Nope!" Alice exclaimed, popping the P. Before she could make it out of the kitchen Jasper did me a solid and grabbed her by the waist, holding her captive in his lap, as he nipped and tickled her.

"Ahhh, Jazzy. Stop! They'll be here soon….ahhhaah! I …have to wake…Bella!"

"Soon my ass Ali, you just want to gossip. Let Carlisle wake her and I'll stop." He taunted, attacking her ribs. It was slightly comical to watch her reduced to tears at the hands of his merciless tickling.

"Fine!"

"What? Alice, I didn't hear you."

"Jazzy, stop! Stop! He can do it!" Jasper stooped, kissing her pink cheeks as she crossed her arms over her chest like a child. "Fine, you wake her but I'll get the dirty scoop sooner or later Golden Boy! Go wake my biatch up and tell her Felix, Demetri, Seth and Emmett and his gang will be here at ten and she better get her sexy ass dressed and ready by then!"

Jasper and I groaned in unison at the mention of Seth. The man made us feel naked, like pigs on a silver platter at his dinner table. He was a nice bloke and all but, I didn't like the way he looked at me. I wasn't his dinner.

"It's still early, let her sleep Alice." She gave me a look that said quite loudly that I'd regret not waking her and since she was devious little sprite I relented. "Has anyone told you what a little tyrant you are Alice? Help yourselves to the fruit and toast outside, I'll get Bella. "

"Hell yeah! Addie made some Sangria…ohhh and she made it the right way, with Tequila."

"Ali, darlin' it's too early to be drinkin'."

"Have you tried Addie's famous Sangria? No! Then you can't really declare it too early."

"Seven in the mornin' is too damn early Ali and that's comin' from me…I used to shoot Whiskey for breakfast."

"Just drink it and I swear you'll be singing a different song in a minute, Cowboy."

I heard his groan of pleasure as I ascended the stairs and Alice triumphant cackle a moment later. When I got to Bella's room she was awake, sitting up in bed looking around but more importantly completely and beautifully naked as the day she came into the world.

"Did I just hear Ali?" I loved that she didn't cover herself when she realized I was standing in the doorway leering at her. I nodded and settled in behind her, pulling her into my chest. I kissed her neck, resting my chin on her shoulder.

"Yes, she and Jasper are getting drunk on Sangria, apparently people are going to be here at ten."

"I forgot! Addie's coming by; you're going to meet her today! She taught me everything I know about cooking and baking. She a bit of a wino but she's such a loving person. She'll love you; at least I hope she does." I smiled at her excitement, stroking her soft ribs. A groan broke from her lips when my hands started moving north, brushing her breast with feather light touches. She stopped talking about Addie and lost herself in my touch. It was pleasing…that I could bring her so much pleasure. She breathed my name, my hands were covering her beasts entirely now. A tight nipple pressed against my palm begging to be played with. I could deny her nothing.

"Ummm, you always know Carlisle." I smirked and rolled the rosy bud.

"You're going to have to be quite or they'll hear you and besides, I didn't come up here for this."

"You started it, Carlisle. I can't help how I react to you."

"I know, you have the same affect on me," I whispered against her ear, relenting my assault on her body but I wasn't ready to let go of her tits. I was a little more than obsessed with them. "Bella, can I ask you something?" She hummed and covered my hands with hers. "Are you feeling better? Last night...Isabella, last night was one of the best nights of my life, all of it. The drive, the dinner, dancing, kissing you in public…the dining room table—"

"Even the pathetic crying?" I frowned and pinched her nipple, letting her know that there was nothing pathetic about her tears.

"Even the crying Bella and it was so many things but pathetic wasn't one of them. You don't let many people see you cry."

"I let you."

Why did she sound so shy about that?

"Yes, you do and last night…Bella, you could have kept that from me, but you didn't and despite how much it fucking hurt me, I treasure the trust you put in me by letting yourself feel, with me. I made you a promise, so I need you to make me one in return."

She nodded against me, squeezing my hands in agreement. "Promise to talk to me, I feel like I keep asking this of you. Don't make me beg for your feelings."

"Okay."

I expected more and was somewhat caught off guard when she turned around in my lap and held me to her. With her lips pressed to my ear she promised. When she pulled back to look at my face I smirked at her mentioning how we looked, if anyone came in it would look like she was riding me. Not a bad idea, but Bella just smiled.

"In the spirit of not making you beg for my feelings Carlisle…I have to tell you something and you might not want to hear it but—"

I kissed her hard and deep, to stop the nonsense spill from her pillowed lips. "I want to hear everything you have to say, Isabella."

"I hope so."

My hands roamed her back, memorizing the planes of her flesh, encouraging her to say whatever it was she needed. Her eyes bore into mine for a long while before her lips parted. I couldn't be sure but in the deep coffee pools of her eyes an emotion was brewing.

My hands stilled, feeling that this was important, perhaps more important than anything she'd ever tell me. Suddenly I was anxious, figuratively on the edge of my seat waiting for her to end the silence.

"Carlisle…I—"

"Hey you two, Ali sent me—Oh fucking Christ Mary mother of God! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-oh fuck!"

Like a fire dosed with water she blinked and the moment was gone. She blushed and told him to go away. Just as quickly as he appeared, he vanished with words of apology down the three flights of stairs.

"What was it you were going say?"

"I'll tell you later."

"Okay, sweet girl…later." Later was good, we had time.

"We should get dressed Carlisle…wouldn't want Seth to get a look at Thor." She hopped off me and went to the closet, leaving the door slightly ajar while she dug through her bag.

_Thor? _

I sat in the bed, perplexed at both what Bella had needed to tell me and the name drop. Thor…God of thunder and lightning? When she came out, she had black shorts, green converse trainers and a Star Wars t-shirt on. She winked and disappeared into the bathroom I had yet to see.

Getting up from the bed, I dressed quickly, pulling on my shorts and "What would Valjean do?" shirt. Bella would claim this shirt, I was sure, she adored my literary t-shirts and slowly they had become _her_ literary t-shirts. I was tying my trainers when she came back into the room messing with her wavy hair, her shirt rising up to expose her belly. I smiled because I was sure it was a child size shirt.

"What?"

"You look adorable, I love Star Wars. Who's Thor by the way and why don't you want Seth seeing him?"

A wicked grin spread across her face, her eyes flicked to my crotch and back at my face, "Guess."

"Bella!" I was shocked, embarrassed…slightly, but mostly, proud.

The mighty Thor…I liked the sound of that and comic books were my secret love, sue me.

"What? He's amazing! Hammer welding God of thunder, lightening! The symbol of strength, oak trees, storms, fertility, healing and protection of humanity—don't even try telling me it's too much for your cock to handle. I know better and he can totally pull off the name."

_You've found your nerd match, Carlisle._

"What am I going to do with you, Bella?"

"Hopefully drop the hammer on me!" She giggled before skipping out of the room and down the stairs.

xXXx

It was hours later and we were all in under one of many shady trees in her back yard. I use the term back yard loosely. Her land was vast and lush like a French oasis and I had yet to see the pool—which was where Rose, Nikki, Alice, Addie and Bella had disappeared.

Emmett, Rose and the kids had shown up a little while after Bella and I came down stairs. The kids were cranky but when Jacks saw Bella wearing the same shirt as him he perked up. Nikki was not so happy, the kid was pissed and more than likely tired. Seth waltzed in a second later, followed by Demetri and a man Bella called _Bonbon_, his real name was Joshua. Felix strolled in after them and gave Bella a kiss on the cheek before he tapped her ass. I told him to calm the fuck down pulling Bella into my lap, making it quite known that her ass was mine to tap. He just shook his head at me and did the same to Alice. Jasper didn't like it either but both our women assured us that he was harmless.

Harmless or not Isabella warned him to calm down or he was going to get hit by Jasper, Emmett or me. He smiled and answered her back in the same language she used; thankfully, Jasper and Emmett had never bothered to pick up French.

When Addie walked in Bella jumped off of me and ran to greet her, hugging her tightly and rambling excitedly. I watched their reunion with joy. I had never seen Bella interact with family—with Charlie I had only ever seen him scold her but with Addie there was warmth that spoke of a deep bond. The woman was tall and sun kissed, her face spattered with copper freckles, red hair and eyes deep blue with wise crinkles in the corners. She was a beautiful. She held Bella's face and looked her over, obviously pleased with what she saw and gave her cheeks a good pinch. The ever-present blush colored Bella's cheeks at whatever Addie told her.

The women embraced Alice in a similar way. She introduced herself to the group in her heavily accented English, smiling at everyone and when she came to me, she stopped cold. The room went silent like dust up scenes in old westerns right before someone pulls the trigger, suddenly the Good, the Bad, the Ugly, theme rang in my ears. I pictured her saying _You may run the risks, my friend, but I do the cutting. _

Her keen gaze stripped me down to bare bones as she decided if I was worthy of her Isabella. Never have I been more terrified in my life. She looked back wordlessly at Bella and equally as silent Bella nodded. They both smiled, having a conversation with their eyes. Addie kissed both my cheeks and told me quickly that if I ever hurt her girl she would gut me like a pig and serve me for dinner at her restaurant. I was shocked, wide eyed as she slapped my cheek affectionately but I nodded, too paralyzed to from words.

Lunch rolled around and it was suggested by someone that we eat outside, by someone I mean Bella. It was a relatively cool day and the trees helped combat the minimal rays of sun breaking through the clouds. We ate and laughed and Addie watched Bella and me. How I'd touch her hand or how my arm was draped across the back of Bella's chair. It was a casual intimacy that leant itself to all the couples at the table but for some reason she focused on us. Midway through the meal I realized what Bella meant about her being a wino. She had already had five glasses when she went to the cellar to get another bottle.

Bella's interaction with the children was also being noted, not by Addie but by her male friends. They were looking at each other with disbelief, perhaps because Jackson and Nikki treated her like a beloved aunt and not like a woman they had just meet.

"So Carlisle… I didn't know you're her professor." Felix commented, lighting up a cigarette. Demetri raised a judgmental brow but said nothing, his partner merely smiled at me in recognition.

"It's not something I planned Felix."

"I know that, you're not that bloke. Still, that must have been hard for her to take such a leap…Bellar's not a risk take…when it comes to men or people."

Demetri, Seth and Joshua all hummed in agreement. Emmett frowned in confusion. Seth answered the unasked question, his playfulness nowhere in sight.

"She's very guarded—or at least she was before Carlisle."

"There had ever only been Jacob and he was really a settlement for her. He had been bothering her about his feelings and she gave in," Joshua added, stroking Demetri's tense shoulders. "It wasn't magic…or even love; it was a means to an end. She held him at arm's length, always. Not to give him an excuse for what he did—he's an asshole and hated everything she love, he never made it easy for her to let herself be vulnerable. So she didn't. She has a lot of anxiety…Why do you think Charlie retired early, he was shot shortly before Aro died and Bella freaked out."

This was the first I was hearing any of this.

Felix nodded softly, "I remember that, it was bloody awful. I checked on her at different times of the day and she would still be sitting where I left her hours before. The thought of losing her dad is a big deal for her; he's all she has in the way of family."

"She 'as 'ad it 'ard, but even with Charlie, she was a lonely kid when I found 'er, now she 'as more friends than she's 'ad her whole life. She's different now," Demetri added, wistfully watching me. I couldn't tell if he approved or if he was waiting for me to make a mistake.

"I don't get it?" Emmett piped in, "By all account's a child is better off not growing in a hostile environment, turbulent marriage or surrounded by loveless relationships and that's what Bella had. She had Charlie and despite how pissed he is that a man so much older is sticking it to his girl, the man loves Bella. Aro loved her too. Why build up walls when her environment was safe and full of love."

"We all 'ave our ways of protecting ourselves Mr. McCarty…maybe you don't know the whole story. 'er environment looked safe, but kids pick up on everything we try to 'ide and love sometimes isn't enough to fix everything. Charlie's job was dangerous and Bella knew that. 'e could 'ave been taken away from 'er any given day and 'e always put Bella and Renee at the same level. Aro, well 'e was a grandfather…not a father and all of 'is money couldn't keep Isabella from feeling like she could lose everything at the drop of a 'at. Despite 'ow much she says she 'ates Renee, she really only wanted Renee to love 'er. 'aving a mother around would 'ave given Bella the stability she always wanted."

"She had stability in her father." Emmett stroked Jackson's head, his mind miles away. I knew he was concerned about his children—he constantly worried about their development because he saw so many maladjusted adult minds in his profession. He looked over at me and I nodded in acknowledgement. His kids had stability.

"You don't understand Emm because Momma McCarty has always been there, you come from a huge family and you never went without vital relationships with your parents. Rosie and I only had our mom and very little family…it was tough. you imagine the kids at Catholic school and how they would treat her? Renee left and yeah Bella was better off but kids are cruel and they repeat things their parents say."

"They were bastards, the girls mostly, but the boys got bad once she got older. They expected her to be like Renee and they were pissed when she wasn't. Mike Newton has been following her around since grade school in hope of getting some. Lately it's like she hasn't got any walls at all." Felix, Demetri and Joshua agreed. "I hope you know how important that is."

"I know, she's changed me too. I didn't think that was possible but she's so…loving and warm. "

"They change us don't they? I was a total shit when I found Rosie. It happens when you meet that special person. You know I didn't want kids before Rose…now I'm a stay at home daddy with a baby on the way. Life's funny that way."

"You can't find love if you're always hiding. Protection means shit when it comes to love." Joshua commented, holding Demetri's hand a little tighter.

"It's true. When people leave, you do what you can to protect yourself. It's only later, when you find stability in someone lovin' and true that you let those walls down. Protecting yourself becomes secondary." Jasper's eyes held mine as he spoke to everyone but I knew he was talking to me directly.

The men around the table, nodded solemnly. We were all as different as they came, but we found common ground in knowing that for love, pain was a risk one had to make.

"That wanker Jacob made it fucking worse, such prick. She has this rule about not dating any Frenchies. She won't go near a straight French man if you paid her."

"She told me that when we met. It was her rule, she didn't date French men. She was so serious about it…I wanted to laugh." I smiled and drained my drink.

"What you tell 'er?"

"I told her it was good thing I wasn't French. She liked that."

"She would!" Joshua laughed.

"Bloody brilliant Cullen. Oh, here come the girls, can't let them know we've been acting like those bitches on The View…manly talk, quick mates, think of something manly." My old friend mock whispered before calling out to Addie. "Addie my love care to have a go on the tennis courts?"

She shook her head and looked back at Bella.

"I love that women, I'd marry her for her meat sauce…if only she'd marry me for my _meat sauce_."

"Felix, you'd think I'd be used to that by now but never…Demetri how do you stand him?"

"With Bella as a buffer, Bonbon. God 'elp the women that marries 'im."

"Marriage? Bloody hell, why would I do that? She has to be damn right perfect for me to consider becoming a part of that institution."

Jasper blushed and looked down at his lap, pealing the label off his beer. I kicked his chair but he just shook his head, his smile growing wider by the second. My cousin had officially lost his mind.

Alice and Rose were talking and I could see Bella and Addie whispering to each other like mother and daughter, it broke my heart that Bella had to wait until she was practically grown up to feel motherly affection.

"Jacks chill boy, I know she's pretty but she's uncle Carly's," Emmett told his son with mirth in his voice.

"No, Joey mine. We same shirt...we matchy. Carly no matchy. Purtty Joey mine." Jackson jumped off his daddy's lap and ran towards them.

"Fuck, mate, the boy's damn right possessive! You better watch that one he's got it out for your girl Cullen."

Jackson ran into her legs and Bella picked him up without breaking step, kissing his chubby cheeks. She was such a natural; her children would be so loved. They'd never be abandoned or feel a void where love should be. Jasper caught me watching her and by the smirk on his face, I could tell he knew where my mind had been. I gave him a warning look but it seemed that he wasn't the only one watching me, Felix was shocked, Seth and Joshua were smirking and Demetri's eyes bore into mine. My thoughts of Bella and children were plain as day on my face, luckily Emmett hadn't noticed.

Alice walked over and threw herself in Jasper's lap, "Hey, miss me Jazzy?"

"Bloody hell, women you were gone for less than twenty minutes...you didn't give him a chance to miss the sight of you."

"Fuck you Felix." Jasper laughed, nuzzling into Alice's neck. "I missed you Ali darlin'."

Nikki came over pouting behind her tried looking mommy. When she looked over at me with her pleading pretty eyes Rose was quick to remind her she was not getting her way, not matter how much she turned on the puppy eyes. She wanted candy but Rose had said no. Nikki hated that word yet she used it all the time. Take a nap Nikki ._No_. Eat your food Nikki. _No._ Seeking comfort she climbed in my lap and rested her head on me, I stroked her hair and gave her some of my peach sorbet. It wasn't candy but it was sweet.

"Jacks almost took out her knees Emmett. I always thought his first crush would be on a girl his age." Rose sank into his lap where Emmett rubbed her still flat stomach adoringly. "He's smitten with her."

"I know, the kid doesn't stop talking about Bella. I keep telling him that she's Carly's girl but he doesn't listen. He says she like his curls. Huh, Bella, you like Jackson's curls?"

"Yes, I do." She said, coming to sit on the chair closest to me. Jackson beamed when she ruffled his hair.

"Curls equal girls. You remember that Jacks and your life will be easy as pie. That's how I got Ali." Jasper and Jackson nodded knowingly.

"Don't tell him that Jazzy, he's a baby still. Let Rose enjoy that for as long as she can."

"I big boy...I do potty." He told everyone, indignant that he would be referred to as a baby.

Everyone broke out laughing and Bella assured him that he was, indeed, a big boy. It was quite a group we had here. I had never really been part of a group like this. With Esme, it had always been her, her family and me and then later it was her cousins and me. But here, in this group, I wasn't a add on or a useless wheel, I was a part of a couple. I was the second half of a pair. Demetri caught my eye in acknowledgement, as if to say _I hope you understand how important this is._ I did understand.

"Alright, enough with the fuckery—"

"Felix," the whole group chastised, Bella covering Jackson's ears. Nikki was asleep on top of me so it didn't matter whether I covered her ears or not.

"Sorry, I forget they're ankle biters around. Anyway…who's up for football, it the perfect English weather for it?"

Jasper and Emmett smiled and nodded eagerly at the prospects of throwing around the old pigskin but looked perplexed when Bella started laughing. Poor guys they had no clue.

"Football…not _football_." She explained.

Both their faces said _huh? _and I volunteered to be on their team but the teams were off, four to three.

"Can I play?" Bella asked innocently.

I nodded, licking my lips at the prospects of getting sweaty with her but her friends protested. Demetri, Seth and Joshua started ranting in French, talking over each other, exclaiming how unfair it was but she silenced them with a look. Fuck that look was arousing and frightening at the same time. Addie was smiling like a cat that ate a cage full of canaries, as was Alice but Rose and the twins watched on, eager to see how this played out.

"Oi, this is how it's gonna go. Bella love you go and be a good little girl an—" Felix started shouting from his side before Bella cut him off.

"Shut up and go get the nets, _Hammer_. I'm the boss on this pitch and you and your little girls are going to be crying at the half."

"Oh yeah? Care to make a wager, Bella love?"

"Yeah, I _wager _you won't be able to catch me."

"You're on and Golden Cullen can't help you." He goaded.

She smiled, "I don't need his help Felix, _dear_."

"Whoa, Carlisle she talks smack! I love it." Jasper laughed, coming up behind me, shaking his head at the display of friendly competition.

"Yeah Jazz, but can she back it up? I know Carly can play but _Ducky_…this is a man's game and you're a little girl."

She looked over at us, eyes narrowed and fists on her hips. Jasper and I moved out of the line of fire. Those were fighting words. "A man's game you say, huh." She said in the sweetest voice. Somehow, the honey dripping from her lips made her even more intimidating; I knew she had something up her sleeve.

"You're right I'm _just _a girl. Listen, why do you be a good _boy_ and get the net from Felix… then you can switch to the all boys team."

He smiled and patted her head as he walked by, "Will do, Ducky…sounds good to me. I'll try not to go too hard on you, that's Carly's job anyway."

Because I was watching, I saw her eyes tighten further and her jaw clench before a brilliant—wicked—smile lit her face. "You'll go easy on me…ok, we'll see how that goes, Emmy. Bonbon!"

"Qui, mon Cœur," he yelled back.

"Joshua peut vous commuter des équipes avec Emmett, il ne veulent pas jouer avec une fille."

He smirked and walked over to our side towing a net. Jasper and I were watching Bella; she looked irritated while Felix and Emmett taunted her about playing with boys. I took notice that Seth, Demetri, and Joshua were suspiciously quite. Joshua appointed himself as the goalkeeper and I played the position I had always played, Jasper took the role of defender and I put Bella as a defender as well. It was suggested by Joshua that she be our striker. Bella raised a questioning brow at me, challenging me to say something but I knew better, plus I had a sneaking suspicion that Bella wasn't as inexperienced as we all thought.

This was going to be interesting.

"Alright gents…and lady, Game goes to six, whichever team scores six first wins. No rough housing, no cheap shots, no kicks to nads. A goal is only counted if it goes in the net and please, please be gentle on the Lovely Bella, Carlisle get to rough her up, not us. Understood or—"

"Shut up and pick a side, head or tails." Bella snapped, her face tinged pink…from anger or embarrassment I didn't know.

"Felix, stop being a dick." I yelled over to him, rubbing Bella's shoulders to ease the tension I felt there.

"Sorry, I forget Cullen's never played with his girl before…on the pitch we forget about those things Carlisle."

"Felix pick a fucking side already…quit prolonging the agony!" Bella yelled back at him. I smiled at her completive streak…I had no idea she was like this.

"Oh Bella love, no need to snap! You haven't lost yet, you may have Golden Cullen but your team is stacked with newbie's. Heads, angel, I always choose heads. "

I rolled my eyes. He loved taunting, ever since we were kids he'd use it as a tactic to get under our opponents skin. He got red carded a few times because of his foul mouth. I preferred to let my game speak for itself. Alice came over and flipped the coin for us, it landed on heads and Felix danced around like an imbecile. Ali gave Jasper a good luck kiss and told Bella very quietly to kick his ass.

My baby was up to something. I caught her eye and she simply smiled angelically.

Felix started dribbling the ball, making a bit of a show. Left, right, around the back, then left and right, "You see love, watching it with your dad is very different than playing the game."

Bella's eyes were trained on the ball as he spoke; her feet were following his movement, waiting for him to slip up. He wouldn't. The hammer never slipped up, he didn't make mistakes. I moved in to sweep in at a weak moment but Bella shook her head at me.

"Bella…not a wise move. Cullen's the only hope you guys have." He advanced but Bella trapped his avenue, foreseeing where he would try to go. "That was good, love…very good but I have a goal to make."

With his left foot, he tapped the ball in the opposite direction, hoping to trick Bella up but she knew better than to trust him. Like a snake, she moved with precision, stealing the ball and dribbling it, keeping it safe with her body. I called for her to pass it but Seth was on my ass in a second, on me like a fucking shadow. Felix moved in, trying to steal the ball back but Bella was too fast, her feet moved blocking him at every turn. Demetri flanked his teammate, ganging up on Bella. She didn't look phased. In fact she looked calm, collected, like she had been in this position before. I got away from Seth and ran towards her but Demetri blocked me. Jasper, God love him, was useless.

He was watching the show.

Felix was getting frustrated and it was times like these that he usually got carded and I worried for her. She was small, her ankles were exposed and his kicks hurt like fucking hell. In an attempt to get, the better of her he smothered her, forcing her to move in the opposite direction by his weight alone. He knew she couldn't win verse strength but what he hadn't foreseen was how quickly she could move. Kicking the ball to the side Bella moved left and tipped the ball between his legs, sweeping around his body and running full speed down the pitch toward Emmett. Demetri yelled and went after her but I was right with him. I would like to say that I ran in order to defend her but really, I wanted to get a better look at my girl in action. She was glorious!

Clearly she wasn't an amateur. She had played before, possibly on a team for many years.

Seth made it over to Bella but he was no match for her quick feet and fast thinking. She embarrassed him, kicked the ball over his shoulder and got to it before he could react. I thought she'd drill it in but when she came to Emmett, she smiled and asked him if he was going to go easy on her. He laughed. Huge mistake.

She taunted him, making him think she going right, making him work for the goal he was never going to be able to block. Jasper had finally woken up and started blocking Seth and Felix was on me, trying to get to Bella. Yeah that wasn't going to happen. When Emmett made the mistake of tell her she was going to miss she launched the ball at his head with more force than I thought she was capable of. He had no choice but to move…that or get hit in the head. An experienced goalkeeper would have blocked it but Emmett wasn't experienced. He fell to the floor and the ball hit the net with zeal.

"Did I forget to mention that I've been playing since I was ten?"

Emmett shook his head in astonishment but his jock pride wouldn't let him speak. Jasper was laughing his southern ass off at Emmett ducking from a soccer ball. Felix was cussing up a storm for having been got the better of by a girl but Seth and Demetri had known all along about Bella's skills. Joshua called out to her; it seemed that she had a nick name on the pitch as well. I was shocked, and perhaps the most turned on I have been in a while.

"Bella, do you know how hot that made me?" I asked when she came up to me,grabbing her hips so I could show her exactly the effect she had. "Jesus that was sexy."

"Yeah?" I nodded and kissed her. "Let's beat these idiots so we can have a go on the steps, or the washer…I have always wanted to use that spin cycle. Come on Golden Cullen…show me what you got." She smacked my ass and ran backwards toward the ball.

"You're a bad little girl, you know that?"

"Yes, I know…but you like it."

"I love it Bella."

I really did.

xXXx

True to her word we had them pissed by the half…or what Demetri declared as the half, really it was ten minutes of him freshening up his face. Bella and I worked like a well oiled machine, moving the ball down the pitch. Setting each other up for corners and passing the ball when we were being covered to heavily. I learned that Bella was quite the trash talker when she needed to be and I guessed that playing with boys would do that to you. I almost came in shorts when she jumped at a high pass intended for Felix, rolled it off her chest, kicked it behind her, spun left and ran to the goal without breaking a sweat. My God that was beautiful!

Twice they managed to get to our goal but they didn't score—Bella and her adorably deadly feet stole possession and Joshua stopped it. Emmett was scared of Bella when she came to the net and it was hilarious to watch him cower in the face of such a small girl. It was five nil when Felix's feet got tangled with Bella's. I was pissed, her palms were scraped and even though I knew he wasn't trying to hurt, I was livid.

"That's a fucking foul Felix!"

"It was an accident, Bella, really love. I didn't mean it. Calm the fuck down Cullen."

"I know, I'm good. Carlisle, I'm fine." Bella explained, holding out her palms for inspection.

"See Cullen, she's good."

I wasn't good. I demanded a penalty kick, we had the game won but it was principal and Bella getting hurt wasn't a game I liked playing. Felix must have seen my thoughts quite clearly on my face and agreed. Bella looked at me like I had lost my mind but kicked the ball anyway, shaking her head and muttering things under her breath. I didn't care; she fell, scraped her palm and got Felix's knee in her rib. I wanted retribution. She banked it in and kissed Felix on the cheek, telling him good game.

That kiss bothered me but I knew I needed to relax a bit.

"Dude, don't take this the wrong way because I love Alice with all my heart but...Bella is frickin' amazin'! Did you know she could play like that?"

"No, I didn't."

"Oh Carly, silly man, of course she's a bad ass. Hey Jazzy, you looked so cute out there." He kissed her, intertwining their fingers because he was too sweaty to hug her. "Charlie was watching Man U play and Ducky decided to watch with him. She loved it, Man U got their asses handed to them by the Reds and the next day Aro got Bella a soccer ball and set her up on a team with Bonbon over there."

I smiled and looked over to where Bella was playing with Jackson. She was kneeling behind him, holding his waist as he tried to kick the ball. It was so simple. Liverpool inspired love and because of that, she was forever loyal.

We came back to the group and Felix was eyeing me, suspiciously. I ignored him and said my goodbyes to my family. Emmett, Rose and kids left to get ready for tonight. I kissed Rose and she promised to see me later. Addie left with the same warning as before. Alice promised to be back in an hour to so she could get ready with Bella. Jasper and I simply nodded, resigned to our perspective fates. Slowly the rest of Bella's group trickled out the front gate of her home until it was only Bella, Felix and me sitting around her table outside.

"How did I not know you could play like that?"

She shrugged her shoulders and came to sit on my lap. "I'm not cocky like you Felix. Alice cares very little about sports so she didn't tell you."

"Cullen she fucking wore me out…I'm getting too old for this shit mate. How do you keep up?"

"At the risk of giving you more freedom to talk about my sex life Carlisle doesn't need any help keeping up…if you know what I mean. Now, _official public date_, you need to stop."

"Stop what Bella?" He asked innocently.

"Purposely pissing off Carlisle," She told him, her fingers played with the hair on the back of my neck as she spoke. It was relaxing. "And because Carlisle is your "mate" he didn't kick your ass for that stunt you pulled in the kitchen but Jasper will punch you in the mouth if you touch Alice again."

I nodded. Jasper boxed for fun. "Ahh, you guys are taking my lovely women away. I have to go find Addie and make my offer."

"You can't handle Addie." I laughed, discreetly slipping my hand under her shirt to feel her skin. "She likes you by the way Carlisle…humm…she thinks you look like Paul Newman."

"Paul Newman, huh, well, I'm glad she like me, baby." I licked her neck and bit back a groan. Her neck tasted good, beneath my palm her stomach tensed and relaxed, reminding me of _other_ muscles that contracted in pleasure. Slowly my hand drifted between her legs, and sure enough she was hot.

"I love…Paul Newman." I smiled at her attempt to keep composure.

"Yeah, bloody great actor. 'Yes sir, the click in my head that makes me feel peaceful.'" Felix quoted across the table, sipping his drink.

Felix couldn't see us but I was sure he knew what was going on. For a moment I thought about how Bella might react to him knowing, she wasn't the type of girl that likes being openly groped but she wasn't batting my hand away and some part of me—obviously my baser side—felt the urge to claim her in front of him.

"I can see your fucking hand! I swear this fucker wasn't even this randy in high school. Cullen, I'm right here." She startled and shifted away from my hand. Fuck.

"Then leave Hamman." I growled.

"I'm pretty comfortable, here, thank you very much. And I'm in the mood for a show so, maybe you should take Bella upstairs and f— "

"Okay, before you boys start I'm going inside. I'm all sweaty and I need to do some…laundry." She threw me a pointed look before getting up and walking back inside. I followed her with my eyes until I could no longer see her pretty legs. I missed her warmth on the thighs instantly but if I could get Felix out of here, I could have my sweet girl all to myself.

Felix cleared his throat loudly. I questioned him but he simply smirked and said he was leaving to get ready. I followed him out, the two of us discussing The Reds chances this upcoming season. Felix was set on Fernando Torres not being able to come back from the surgery but I believed he just needed time to get into top form. Hopefully the World Cup wouldn't bang him up too badly. After he drove away, I stood there for a moment, basking in the Provence afternoon sun looking out at the countryside, the trees and wildflowers.

This was truly paradise.

After locking the gate and the front door, I went into the kitchen to find Bella in her tiny Star Wars shirt and the tiniest pair of matching underwear. That hard on that had refused to soften hardened even more and throbbed in excitement. Turning around to show the _May the force be with you _printed across her cheeks Bella laughed and asked if I like what I saw. Superfluous question. Fuck if that wasn't the most beautiful thing. I loved seeing her this way, so playful and excited.

Laughing at my no doubt hungry expression she slowly wiggled out of the boy panties and tossed them in the washer. Even from where I stood, I could see her glistening folds, her swollen lips. I groaned and felt my cock swell painfully.

"I started a load of wash Carlisle." She hopped on the washer and spread her legs for me, biting her bottom lip coyly. "Want to help?"

It was all the invitation I needed.

I rushed to her side and kissed her hard, my hands gripping her waist under the cotton. Bella was not patient today; she unbuttoned my shorts, roughly shoving them down my legs so she could reach inside my boxer briefs. Her hot hand wrapped around and gave me two hard strokes. My breath was coming fast and if she didn't stop _I'd _be coming fast and I couldn't let that happen.

Her first.

Gently plucking her hand off me, I dragged Bella forward so her ass came to rest on the edge of the vibrating machine. Holding on to her bum I slammed into her, pulling a strangled yelp of surprise and wanton lust from her mouth. As her walls fluttered around me, I realized that I had been wrong before.

_This_ was paradise.

* * *

**AN: Be dolls and leave her some love.**


	24. Cry Me a River

**A/N: Okay...so here we go people. Thanks to all of you who read, review, alerted and added to favorites. It means a lot to me.**

**A thanks to Kay, because she keeps me sane when my life drives me crazy, keeps me in Peter pictures when I've run low and puts up with my crap. The bit about the arm porn...yeah babe that's all for you!**

**Enjoy and remember I own nothing related to Twilight, not its characters or its plot. However, this plot I do own.**

**See you at the bottom guys!**

* * *

BPOV

"Bella…you better be getting ready and not sexting your man." Alice shouted.

I rolled my eyes and continued pinning up my hair so that it fell in romantic wavy disarray. I smiled when I achieved the look I was going for and went to get my dress from the closet. Alice catcalled like a raunchy construction worker while I strutted around the room in my practically nonexistent underwear and bra. When she said, in a very Jersey like accent, _Why don't yous walk that by me one more time sweet cheeks_, I nearly died laughing. While I was comfortable with her seeing me naked I was not comfortable with the way she kept eyeing the red marks on my ass so I dressed in the massive closet.

"He's got a firm grip huh?" She snorted.

"Alice, I'm sure your ass looks the same way."

"Pftss, hardly… but you should see Jazzy."

"I can only imagine Ali."

"He's scratched up like a crazy cat lady...Meow!"

I smiled to myself; never could we have these types of conversations in the past—I had nothing to add then, now however. It was the small things that made me happy these days.

Once the black and nude pleated tulle masterpiece was on, I picked up Carlisle's shirt, fingering the damage I had done before holding it up to my face. Even his sweaty shirt smelled good—yes, that's right my man smelled good after a rousing game of football and sex on a washing machine. Instantly my mind flew back to what had transpired down stairs.

"_You're so wet baby. Watching you play turned me on too." He panted, timing his thrusts with the gentle rocks of the spin cycle. I could only moan in response, he was so deep and I could feel every inch of him. _

_All day I had wanted him, sharing a pitch with him had served as the best aphrodisiac—we played on the field like we came together during sex, flawlessly in tune, perfect compliments to one another. Then that play at the table in front of Felix—I had no idea I was such an exhibitionist—that had been the last straw._

"_Carlisle, God…I…I…ah."_

_Carlisle groaned into my neck, his teeth scraping against my pulse point. Ugh, his teeth! My legs wrapped around his waist, pressing my converse to his ass, frantic to feel everything, he had to give me. Oh, boy did he have a lot to give me. Meeting his mighty thrusts I pulled his face to mine by his gorgeous blonde hair, enjoying the feeling of the silky strands between my fingers. I bit his bottom lip before devouring his mouth, groaning when he thrust his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues tangled, each of us seeking dominance over the other. He tasted so delectable, like the most robust coffee._

_I sucked on his tongue hard and the hands gripping my ass tighten, his nails digging into my flesh as his cock pounded into me harder. Pulling away to catch my breath I took him in. _

_He was everything I never knew I wanted – and so much more. How could I have not known I wanted this?_

_He was sweaty and flushed, his hair mussed from my frantic fingers. A lazy grin played on his lips almost as if he could read my thoughts, as if he could see how they revolved around him. I smiled at his shirt, amazed at how erotic our sexual play was, how insatiable we were that we could even wait to be fully naked. Somehow the obscene pull of the fabric against his strapping biceps spiked my lust for him. It alluded to more, kept some mystery. _

_Arm Porn? Hell yes, arm porn of the very best kind!_

_I watched, transfixed by his arms knowing they were holding me. They were anchoring me. He was in control and I loved it. I needed all of him, unrestrained._

"_Harder Carlisle, I want you to take me harder." I whispered in his ear, fisting my hands in is Valjean shirt._

_He smiled widely, "I'll see what I can do about that." _

_Before I could say anything, he pulled almost all the way out and slammed into hard, holding me close to his body. His bulbous tip nudged my cervix and I screamed. "Hard enough for you, baby?"_

_I nodded, clinging on to his shirt._

"_You like it hard Isabella?" He whispered and vaguely I heard seams rippling. "I'll take that as a Yes. Who makes you feel this way?"_

_I whimpered his name, my body responding to his possessive streak._

"_That's right. Who makes you cum Isabella? Who do you cum for, baby?" He rasped, his hot breath washing over my face, his hips gaining speed. I was torn between the sensations erupting in my body begging me to close my eyes to savor the bliss and the desire to watch his every move. I chose the latter and focused on watching Carlisle slide in and out of me, his manhood glistening with the evidence of my desire. _

_It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was us._

"_Look at me baby." My eyes snapped up immediately. His eyes were dark blue and feral and locked on mine. "Answer me Isabella."_

_Fuck that growl was sexy. That sound alone made my nerve endings sizzle._

"_You, Carlisle! Oh god!" I groaned; tiny white sparks shooting behind my eyes as his pelvis crashing into my cilt roughly._

"_Isabella baby," he purred, "I can feel you. Let go for me…that's it."_

"Bella! Stop sniffing his man panties and get your ass out here already!" My eyes snapped open, cursing Alice and her shitty timing. I was getting to a good part!

"Shut up Alice!" I dropped his shirt and fetched my shoes. I did a little dance and clicked my heels three times after putting them on. They were beautiful, red leather and gem encrusted. Dorothy had nothing on my ruby slippers. Alice and I had combed over Paris for a pair of _Lady Lynch Strass_ in my size and after Rose called a few people, she found them. That relationship was coming along nicely and shoes only helped matters.

"Bella did you know that staring at the color blue during sex greatly increases the intensity of orgasms," Alice yelled from her seat, her eyes never leaving her phone.

"Where do you get this crap from?"

"Sexstrology! Duh? I follow them on twitter. Make sure to have Carly were blue."

I scoffed, the orgasms he gave me were already mind-blowing and the intensity I found within his baby blues had nothing to do with their color. "Alice, what do you think?"

She stood up and looked me over, "You look sexy and Carlisle isn't going to be able to keep his hands to himself! He's gonna be in so much trouble when he lays you down on the dinner table and fucks you senseless!"

"Nice Alice. That would be a lovely way to expose ourselves, tons of privacy. Charlie will be sitting with us; you can't make comments like that tonight."

"Sorry, sweet cheeks, I swear I'll be good…Pixie honor!" She promised, crossing her heart with two impeccably manicured fingers. "So how do I look? Think Jazzy will lose his shit over my dress?"

"Yes, but if I'm not mistaken didn't he lose his shit just a little while ago, in the car, in my drive way?"

"I would never; Jasper and I like to keep it to ourselves." I arched a brow at her and she dropped the act. Smiling wickedly, she held up two fingers, "Twice, he lost his shit twice."

"You're high class Alice Brandon; I don't care what they say about you. Hey, do you think Marchesa and Louboutin would give us discounts?" I asked eyeing her intricately worked electric blue mini and ivory studded _Studio_ heels. Her make-up was light, her hair was soft and it seemed she went romantic with the hair as well.

"I fucking hope so, we rock their shit like it's our job. Rose is wearing Marchesa too. We'll be like sisters all of us." Her phoned pinged and her eyes went wide, "Where's my Lolita, we gotta go?"

"What, you gonna stuff your lollypops in that tiny thing, _Lolita_?" I questioned. She flipped me the bird and mumbled something about her clutch before she started typing away. She was more than likely sexting Jasper so I ignored her and gathered my clutch and checked that my very red lip stain was perfect.

"Let's go Bella your fake date is down stairs and he's pissing me off." She rolled her eyes and yelled at him from my room. Three fucking stories up from where he was. I'm sure Felix heard her because she was _that_ fucking loud!

"Fuck, my eardrum Alice! I kinda need it, you know." She shrugged, assuring me that Carlisle would still love me if I couldn't hear him.

"He doesn't Ali, please drop it." I admitted softly to her as we descended the millions of stairs. How I managed without killing myself was a miracle I wasn't going to question.

"Yes, he does, trust me. Have you told him how you feel? What are you waiting for…tick tock Ducky, tick tock," she sing-songed.

"I was going to but your man interrupted, thanks for that by the way Alice, dear."

"That's not all he interrupted. It ain't right to tell someone you love them while you're having sex. You're having sex for fucks sake…people will say anything. Alec once said he'd lick my heels. Plain gross, that man's tongue was never getting close to my Louis V's. But on a more serious note; tick tock, Bella's in love with Carlisle and his cock!"

"You sound like the worst bloody clock imaginable; I'd take a hammer to you just to shut you up." Felix glared at Alice and hugged me, kissing my redden cheeks, "Bellar you look ravishing."

"Thanks, you don't look half bad yourself Felix." _But I'd bet my life and yours that Carlisle looks better_, I added mentally. He did look amazing, his dark black suit was cut perfectly and heighted the body he kept in top form, his hair was swept messily to the side and his tie matched his Clearwater green eyes perfectly. Every women was going to be itching to climb on his dick, I just wasn't one of them.

"I'm sorry it's me waiting for you instead of him. Next year Bellar love, perhaps next year Carlisle will be standing here instead of me."

"Not if she doesn't stop being a pussy and tell him she loves him already." Felix's eyes cut to mine and I felt my face grow hot. I wondered if he'd tell him, my profession of love coming from Felix would be the last thing Carlisle would want.

"Ali, Darlin' quite harassin' her," Jasper drawled, coming out of the kitchen, sangria in hand. "You can't bum-rush the girl into doin' what you want. You've said your piece and now you just have to let things happen. Bella knows what she's doin'."

"But she's gotta tell him, he has to—"

"Shove off already you devil woman, you. Torment your cowboy and leave Bellar alone."

Alice shut her mouth and pouted. Jasper soothed her with a kiss, whispering in her ear. I almost felt like I was violating their love by watching. I wondered if this was what Carlisle and I looked like. Jasper looked over at me and nodded, eerily agreeing with thoughts he couldn't hear.

"I hate when you do that Jasper."

"Do what Bella?" He asked, tightening his hold on Alice.

"You just always know what I'm thinking or feeling. It's so…"

"Seedy," Felix provided, dusting off his shoulder, utterly bored the conversation. _Ahh, my self-important British friend._

"My Jazzy is not seedy you, prick! He's just in tune with emotions, something you could make use of." Felix rolled his eyes at her.

"Bella, your emotions are written on your face," Jasper explained. "You guys do, Bella, you two look the same way." Alice kissed him and went into the kitchen and I was a hundred percent sure the sangria was taking a hit, again.

Felix motioned for the door and as we were heading out, I heard Alice yell from the kitchen, "Bella why is your washing machine sticky and your Star Wars shirt dangling from the pot rack?"

I blushed and pulled Felix out of the house before she could say anything else. He ushered me into his car, and revved the engine. Boys and their toys…my toys were much faster. I heard him snicker to himself before speeding down the tree-lined road.

"Whatever the fuck you have to say Felix I suggest you get it out now."

"Oh Bellar," he laughed, shifting gears, "You put a new meaning to 'Doing a load of laundry'."

xXXx

"We're here Bellar...you're going to have to get out of the car at one point."

"Just give me a second Felix."

He nodded, squeezed my thigh affectionately before leaving me to my thoughts.

Aro had once told me that Canard was very much like me—a gift. It was a company he created for me just as God had created me for him and Charlie and when the time came, he said that it would be up to me to decide what the future held. At first I thought he simply meant the company but now, looking at the lights and decorations surrounding the St. Sauveur Cathedral I realized that he was actually taking about me.

Millions things would happened tonight, some good, and some bad, I'd have to face rumors and questions and flashing light bulbs but ultimately he was telling me that no matter what the world is saying or what direction you are being pushed, the decision to move, to fall to their words was mine to make.

Stand and fight or fall and cower. Tonight I'd officially take the place of my grandfather, take up the little empire he left for me and I was going to fight. I couldn't saying anything about Carlisle but I wasn't going to cower like a frighten child.

After a couple of deep breathes I let Felix lead me out of the car and into the lion's den or more commonly known as St. Sauveur where I was supposed to met Marcus and the other heads of the company. Despite my nerves my mind flitted to Godfather, scenes of meeting the heads of the mafia families, Sonny getting shot up, sit downs and exploding cars. _These aren't mob men Bella, they're business types_. You know…business types with plastic smiles and sharp teeth they couldn't wait to sink into me. Luckily, I was bringing a lion with me.

My face was the picture of ease with a slight air of entitled arrogance Aro taught me. _You must play these men Bella, they are your chess pieces, learn how to play them and they'll never control you. _With Aro's words in my mind, I faced the men who ran Canard alongside my grandfather for so many years. Lucca, a short balding man held out his hand and proceeded to tell me what a saint he thought Aro was. It was a lie; Aro told me this man was never to be trusted further than you could throw him—I couldn't throw the man an inch. Massimo, the tallest of the men, looked at me with pride and wrinkled his nose when I tried to shake his hand before enveloping me in a quick but warm hug. He was my grandfather's right hand man, the Han Solo to his Luke Skywalker, so to speak and because of that he had seen me as a daughter of sorts. I smiled but kept my guard up, I was in mixed company. Caius, he simply looked me from head to toe and dove into business without preamble.

I instantly hated him; he had cold eyes and ruthless. His words feel from his mouth like venom and there was a distinct conniving set to his features. Why my grandfather employed him, I would never know.

"I hear that you have been giving our newest writer Dr. Carlisle Cullen a tour of the city, among other…_less public places_ Bella—"

My skinned burned at his implication.

"Miss Swan, I am Miss Swan to you Monsieur Blanche, une pue du professionnalisme, s'il vous plait." I told Caius tartly; Bella was a name reserved for friends and family and his man was neither.

"Oh petite enfant, you are too young and inexperienced to be asking that of me, especially since your idea of _professionnalisme _involves giving Monsieur Cullen a tour of your boudoir_,_ _Bella_."

"Miss Swan is your bloody boss Caius and the owner of the company; you better remember your place." Felix snapped, glaring at Caius.

"Isabella, I warned you about this. I warned you." Marcus muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

"So because I didn't listen, you did what Marcus?" I asked, turning to look at him in the eye. Like a coward he didn't meet my eye."What did you do Marcus?"

"Miss Swan," Lucca laughed nervously, "You didn't think that we would not be aware of the nature of your relationship with Dr. Cullen."

The blood drained from my face, I felt cold as I looked at the three men crowding me. They knew. Whether they knew that he was my professor or not still remained to be seen but they knew about us. Carlisle wasn't safe, he was exposed and God himself knew what they'd do. Massimo looked over to me with apologetic eyes because he knew what this was, it was an ambush.

"My personal life is none of your concern. At best it is a conflict of interest but nowhere on the papers I signed did it state that I was forbidden to fraternize with an author under our umbrella."

"Your personal life is splashed across ICI Paris and every other rag in this city, and that looks bad on Canard. Fucking and fraternizing are very different things. From what Marcus tells me you were a zipper away from fucking him at Shakespeare and Company. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree…does it?"

"You're walking a dangerous line with me Caius," I hissed, my nails digging into my palms.

"Your grandfather had the clout to back those words. You however, are just a girl trying to fill shoes that are too big for you. Petite fille, vont jeu avec vos peintures de doigt et laissent ceci aux gens qui savent ce qu'elles font."

"Need I remind you," Felix cut in, stepping between Caius and I, "of the clause in the contract you all signed. Miss Swan is the sole owner of the company and can, if she damn well pleases, clean house and start over."

"Au contraire Felix," Caius began, pulling a paper from the depth of his coat pocket and handing it to Felix before continuing.

"I think there might be something you've forgotten about. Bella, as stated in Aro's will, owns the company but does not gain full control until she is the age of twenty-four. Until that day, "her company" runs by committee. A committee which myself, and these gentlemen are the heads of. Bella has very little control and, at this point she is merely the lovely face of Canard, at best."

One by one the dicks in suits walked out leaving Massimo, Felix and I alone in the sanctuary. My great grandparents had gotten married in this church, my grandfather as well and if I ever got married I wanted to get married here—it was painful to me that this had to take place within these hallowed walls.

I watched silently as Felix scanned the document, his eyes flickered and poured over the writing and each time he came across something that wasn't to his liking they'd darken and stiffen with anger.

"How the fuck did Aro forget to update this one section? And how the fuck did I miss it? I've never seen this document before today Bellar."

"So, Caius was right?" He nodded but said nothing as he continued to read. "Massimo how much of this has to do with Carlisle?"

"Very little," he sighed and scrubbed his face roughly. His tan skin was taut over his bones, as if he had been under much stress lately, not to mention his grief over his long time friend. He would need to go back to Italy soon and relax with his family. "Marcus dislikes the man and Caius is seething that Aro left Canard to you. He doesn't understand that it has always been yours. This is serious Bella, Caius wants to take the company public, and September is too far off for you to stop him—Carlisle Cullen is simply leverage."

"Time sensitive leverage," Felix mumbled.

I felt sick. I needed air and almost the second I stepped out of into evening my phone let out the first strings of Kashmir. A test message from none other than Carlisle, I smiled and pulled my cell out of the tiny clutch.

**A girl in red heels just walked out of the church and I can't wait to kiss her. I would imagine that pulling her into said church and kissing her that way she deserves would be a bad idea at this moment, correct? Could you let her know that I'm looking for her?**

**C**

I smiled, my thumbs flying over the touch screen. His response came a second later.

**She'll know me by my red bow tie…suspiciously it seems to match her shoes. Do you think she did it on purpose?**

**C**

I responded again and in record time he texted back.

**Bella love, I need to kiss you before all of this starts. I can already feel that this is going to be a long, difficult night.**

**C**

I was about to respond when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Felix. "Bellar Massimo says it's time to start."

I nodded and sent Carlisle a text, he responded quickly.

**I understand sweet girl. Is it ridiculous that I miss you? It feels ridiculous, I just saw you not three hours ago. Think I could steal a dance?**

**C**

I didn't respond, instead I squared my shoulders and walked towards Massimo's out stretched hand. I ignored the traitors on the steps beside me, they weren't important. When he took my hand and led me to the podium I looked out on the sea of faces and took a deep breath before I lost my nerve. My heart was pounding in my ears and even in the open early night air I felt incredibly trapped. You can do this, became my mantra. I found my strength in front of me, in the speech my grandfather had written for this day. It was in his handwriting and as if he knew he wouldn't be here with me and towards the middle, highlighted, was the poem he wanted me to share with my name in the margin.

_No cowering Bella, man up._

"Bonjour and Bienvenu to Canard's Celebration of Great Poetry Reading Day, I'm Isabella Marie Swan. I remember when I first came to my grandfather with this idea...I was sixteen and excited. My best friend Alice Brandon and I happened to search for a bizarre holiday and stumbled upon this one—it was perfect—a day devoted to great poetry and kissing ones lover…Which was what I believe won Aro over in the end." I paused as the guests chuckled remembering how fond Aro was of affection. "The idea was small and like all things Aro touched, it exploded and transformed into three days in Provence spent in splendor." My eyes scanned faces, in search of the one that brought me peace. It didn't take me long to find Carlisle's smile among the crowd. I smiled at him, feeling the ach of my love for him in my chest, before I continued.

"As many of you may know my grandfather, Aro, passed away six months ago, so sadly he can't be here to celebrate with us and though he is missed greatly, I feel as if he is here with us tonight. He did nothing small. There was nothing that could not be taken to the next level or made grander. He was a warm person with a zest for life unmatched by anyone I've ever known and a weakness for his loved ones—books became his passion when they became mine. If you had the pleasure of knowing him than you would know that he was a collector of special and exception people, he held them close to his heart and counted many as his friends—friends like all of you. Some of you have been with Canard since the beginning and some of you are new to our family but Aro always said that it was the stories, the words, and the poems, which connected us to each other, that made us family. Here," I held up Aro's paper, "I have my grandfather's favorite poem and in the spirit of today I'm going to read it to you.

"Passing stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,

You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me as of a dream,)

I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,

All is recall'd as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,

You grew up with me, were a boy with me or a girl with me,

I ate with you and slept with you, your body has become not yours only nor left my body mine only,

You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass, you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,

I am not to speak to you, I am to think of you when I sit alone or wake at night alone,

I am to wait, I do not doubt I am to meet you again,

I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

"At any point tonight if you wish to share great poetry—in any language—you may come up here and do so. Don't be a stranger, we are a family here at Canard. Appréciez la nuit.'

I smiled for the cameras attempting to take a candid of the "family"—I wondered if you could see how much animosity there was between the board and me. I gave a sigh of relief once I was out of the spotlight and being escorted to the table but it was short lived. All too soon, I heard the clicks of cameras and whispers inquiring to anyone paying attention if Felix was the Churchill man. Imbeciles, the man from the photos was blonde. Finally, we made it to our table, not because it was far from the dance floor set up right off the steps but because we kept getting stopped.

At the table sat Alice with Jasper's hand in hers. Rose and Emmett were in conversation with Carlisle who sat between the two couples. Bonbon and Demetri sat beside Seth, wearing triplet grins of mischief as they gazed at my father seated beside the woman I assumed to be his date. Two lonely little seats as far from Carlisle were saved for Felix and I. Everyone was dressed to the nines, the men looked sharp in their suits and ladies looked beautiful, but really my focus was on Carlisle's handsome face. A proud grin splayed across his lips, as I received hugs and greeting from his family and my own but a slight frown graced his features when he was forced to be nothing more that polite. It bothered me as well.

"Miss Swan, so lovely to see you again."

"It's lovely to see you as well Dr. Cullen." I said to him as I sat down and tried to ignore my father's questioning glare. It didn't really work very well.

"Isabella, why aren't you sitting with him? Didn't you tell me you were seeing him? One middle aged man isn't enough?" Charlie questioned between clenched teeth. I asked for him to leave it and turned to his date. I have never heard of her, Charlie never once mentioned Sue. Charlie arched a brow at me and answered a question I hadn't asked. "What Isabella, you can date men twice your age but I can't keep a friend to myself?"

"Of course dad, I just want you to be happy. Isn't that what you've always wanted for me?"

He huffed and thankfully, the waiters started making their rounds.

To say that dinner was torture would be an understatement. I hardly noticed the food in front of me and the wine only served to fuel my jealously. Not one of them had to play game of evasion, they were free from bullshit. I watched the other couples. Demetri and Bonbon were holding hands and leaning into each other. Alice and Jasper feeding each other morsels as they partook in the conversation about Rose and Emmett's baby news. They gushed about their doctor appointment, passing around the ultrasound. To me it looked like nothing more than a static peanut but Carlisle's eyes began to water as he held the grainy photo._ Oh, baby, I wish I could hold you._ Had I been sitting next to him I would have comforted him, done something to erase that look. After Alice's insistent question about Sue—you know Alice, always interested in a good love story—my father began, vaguely, answering her curiosity. As everyone laughed, drank and enjoyed the meal, I felt every inch of the space between Carlisle and I.

He was so far. I had the worst feeling that this space wasn't confined to our seating arrangement but our near future.

Felix excused himself in favor of a tall brunette and honestly, I didn't mind. I was bad company and it wasn't him I wanted. Not soon after Felix walked away did Carlisle excuse himself. I watched him the entire way. I hadn't been able to appreciate him in a suit before but now… it was a heavenly sight. The slate suit was cut to perfection across his shoulders, over every angle of his body—the body he gave me. His white ivory silk and linen shirt made him look suave, debonair, and that silk bow tie around his neck... My fingers itched for him, yearned to tug that bow tie loose and pop the first couple of buttons to uncover his crisp flaxen chest hair. When I turned back to the table, I realized that everyone had been watching me eye fuck Carlisle. My cheeks burned, the gulp of wine didn't help the heat flood my face but it sure as fuck help the sting of his absence.

"God, Ducky you couldn't have made that more obvious." Alice snickered along with my gay boys. Jasper smiled but thankfully said nothing about the way I had visually molested his cousin. Unfortunately, Emmett wasn't as kind in his slightly inebriated state. For such a big guy he couldn't hold his liquor at all.

"Emmett, stop." Rose warned.

"Come on Rosie," he whined, "She looked like she was going to jump out of her seat and go down on him right here! Carlisle cock for desert anyone?"

"Emmett." Jasper warned his tone icy and stern. I had never heard him speak that way and honestly it made me a little frightened.

"What Jazzy…Professor Cullen can't have his favorite student go down on him? I bet you two play all types of games. Does Professor Cullen spank his A plus student when she's a bad girl. Geez and rice! Fuck Rosie that hurt!"

Where was lightning bolt when you needed it? Strike him dead God, or at least strike him silent.

Sue's eyes widened and Charlie glared at Emmett, then at me. I knew I was in trouble now, which was ridiculous because I wasn't six anymore. Never the less I felt tear prick at my eyes.

"Care to tell me what the hell he's talking about, Isabella?" Charlie asked, the cop taking precedent over the father. "Is he your professor?"

_Yes._ "Dad…I.."

"Tell me you didn't risk your reputation, your education, on that man?" Seth and Bonbon started to protest, it didn't escape my attention that Demetri was silent. "I'm not talking to any of you."

They stopped talking and slinked away to the dance floor like scolded children. I wanted to go with them but my father kept me in place with a simple look.

"Tell me you didn't throw everything away on him Isabella? Is he?" He asked evenly, deadly serious—I could see how criminals confessed to him.

The silence was thick at our table. Sue was watching me with curious eyes and I had no doubt that she thought I was exactly what the rags made me out to be.

A whore.

Just like my mother.

"Yes...he is."

He said nothing, merely whispered to Sue to gather her purse and meet him by the car. He didn't say bye, or tell me how disappointed in me he was and somehow it was so much worse that way. My felt my heart sink watching my father walk away from me, never had we disagreed so much in my entire life and it had to be about the man I loved. Alice and Jasper took care of getting Emmett as far from a murderous Rose as possible. Sue had yet to leave and I hoped she wouldn't try to pull a motherly act on me but my hopes weren't being granted tonight.

"Isabella, you have to put yourself in his shoes, this will blow over."

"How long have you known him Sue?" I asked, meeting her brown eyes with defiance. She admitted that it hadn't been that long. "So, in the week you have known him, you think that Charlie will let this go? No offense, but you don't really know him all that well. He doesn't protest about much, he didn't even protest when my mother left him with a baby to raise, or when she slept with half the city. He only makes a big deal about the things I do. He doesn't accept any of my choices."

"Isabella, you're right. I don't know Charlie enough and we are simply friends so I don't feel any qualms about telling you this, fuck what your father accepts. If you love that blonde man as much as I think you do, forget about what your father thinks and let him know how you feel. You never know when it will be too late."

"Isn't that the truth!" Rose exclaimed from her seat.

"Rose!"

"It's the truth Bella; everyone can see it and Fuck what Daddy Charlie thinks." She shrugged, tossing her hair over one shoulder.

"I have to go now Isabella but think about what I said. Charlie is simply struggling with the fact that his little girl is a sexual being; it's always hard on fathers when that day comes. It can't be easy on him, especially now."

I sat stupefied by her words. Was I that transparent, did everyone but Carlisle know how much I loved him? Rose cleared her throat, interrupting my inner musing to ask if I would go to the bathroom with her. I smiled and followed her towards the bathroom. She didn't ask questions or fuss and I was thankful for that. I didn't want to chat about this.

"How do you feel Rose? You look beautiful by the way."

"I feel like crap and my tits hurt like a bitch but it's worth it. Thank you Bella, I think this dress is a bit Swan Lake but it fit and camouflages the bump that showed up out of nowhere." She went into the stall and I told her I'd wait for her outside—I wasn't the type of girl that went to the bathroom with a partner.

Once outside I ran into the reason women created the buddy system. I should have stayed inside.

"Fuck, it's raining assholes and I forgot my umbrella! What are you doing here Jacob, once again I feel the need to point out that this is a private party and I don't recall sending you an invitation."

"Oh, Bella baby…why are being such a bitch with me? I'm just enjoying the party."

"Because you're an ass and you keep popping up where I don't want you."

He sighed, his hands snatching out quickly to grab my arms, "Bella baby, you want me around. I made a mistake with Sam…I see that now."

"He left you didn't he…that's way you keep bothering me. What Jake could satisfy a man either?" I ribbed.

"Shut the fuck up about things you don't understand!" He snarled. I looked at his face, studied the features I had once found interesting, he was completely different, devious, and quite possibly dangerous. And I was alone with him-Fuck! "This Carlisle guy…he means nothing to you, he can't."

"He does, I love him…Let go of me."

"Him! Really?" He growled, gripping my arms harder. I hoped they wouldn't bruise.

"Yes. You're hurting me, let go."

"Bella—"

"What the fuck are you doing! Let go of her now!"

Rose! Oh, God bless Rose. Startled Jake let go of me and I rushed over to her side. Why I felt safe with her I'd never know—maybe because she was pregnant and hormonal and Emmett was terrified of her.

"Get the fuck away from here before I kick your sorry ass for touching her."

"Please, what are you going to do about it, Barbie?"

I felt the tremor of anger roll through her body. "Barbie? Barbie! Did you just call me Barbie, you French fuck! Let me tell you something, I wear bigger heels than your dick and I better never see your face anywhere near Bella or my family or I chop it off and throw it in the Seine."

The silence was deafening. After a while of simply looking at Rose he chuckled humorlessly. "Alright, Blondie alight. You look _picture_ perfect Bella baby, _just like always_. See you around."

As he disappeared into the crowd I thanked Rose. She looked over my arms maternally, and for a moment I sagged against her. Carlisle was right, Jacob could and more than likely would hurt me.

What would have happened if Rose hadn't showed up?

"Carlisle doesn't find out about this Rose." I begged her not be difficult about this. She owned me.

"Find out about what?" She replied innocently.

We rejoined the party, not that I would classify it as a party. My mind was spinning like a child's top and the only person capable of putting an end to the madness was nowhere to be found. Alice and Jasper were dancing to a Julie London rendition and beside them was Demetri and Bonbon. Seth was out there with a man I had seen around school. Felix was holding a small blonde woman close to his chest, swaying to the soft music. It seemed that everyone was on the dance floor, holding their lover in their arms. A tear slipped down my cheek before I dashed it away. This was supposed to be fun. More often than not, the things I expected to be a certain way, never quite work out like that.

A low session of rifts coming from my clutch pulled me out of my pity party. Carlisle. _Stupid girl, crying in a party dress and no one to party with_, I chastised myself

**I'm still looking for that girl with the heels to match my tie…I'm in the church courtyard. Could you let her know that I **_**ache**_** to kiss her.**

**C**

I was in the courtyard in seconds and there I found my man, bow tie untied hanging loosely, two buttons undone, a glass of coñac in his hand and a _John Players_ between his lips. I was so happy to see him and his answering smile told me he felt the same. No one was around; no one could see us here. We both knew it. I couldn't resist the space any longer, it was unbearable.

Sinking into his embrace I pressed my lips to the naked skin he had uncovered of me, loving the rasp of his chest hair against my lips. This was where I had wanted to be all night.

"I didn't know you smoked Carlisle?"

"I quit a long time ago but tonight I needed a one…filthy habit I know."

I shrugged, "Ali and I used to smoke John Players in high school. We thought we were so cool in our catholic uniforms smoking on the roof."

He hummed against me and drank the last of his coñac. I reveled in him, his warmth, and his scent. I thought about what Sue had said; would it ever be too late to tell someone how you felt? Was I running out of time?

"Carlisle I have to tell you something." I whispered, drawing back to look at his eyes. Such deep twin pools, dark and reflecting the moon light. I hoped, prayed, begged what I found there was Love. I couldn't wait anymore. What if I was running out of time? "Carlisle I—"

His kiss stopped me. A kiss pulled deep from his heart, he held me to him as if I was going somewhere, fingers crushing the soft waves of my dress. I couldn't have cared less. My fingers reacted in kind, threading into his hair, fisting in those locks. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and warm coñac. When his tongue traced my lips, I moaned. Somewhere my conscience was reminding that we were in church but I pushed it away any and prayed that God wouldn't take him away from me, not now or ever.

"I missed you too Bella, so much you couldn't possibly understand." He whispered when our kiss broke, his breath chilling my wet lips. He held my face between his hands, precious and treasured. Kissing me once more, softly as if he were telling me that held always be there to give me the best of both worlds. Passionate, hungry, tender and kind.

In this moment, Caius and his threats dissolved like sugar in hot tea and Jacob with his malice melted like ice cream on a hot French day. My father, my company, my life, my reputation, my stupid insecurities and notions of his impending abandonment—they all vanished. They didn't matter, not now, not with him so close. There was only Carlisle and me.

"You couldn't possibly understand how much I missed you, Isabella."

I ran my finger through his hair, lovingly trying to fix the damage I had done to it. It was useless and Carlisle chuckled when I gave up. "I do understand Carlisle. I feel the same way. I lo—"

"Bella, what the hell happened to you arms?"

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**A/N: Hoped you enjoyed. Review...let me know what you think. Hate it, love it, want to take a nice steamy bath with Carlisle. Let me know!**

**Translations:**

**Petite fille, vont jeu avec vos peintures de doigt et laissent ceci aux gens qui savent ce qu'elles font...Little girl, go play with your finger paints and leave this to people who know what they are doing.**

**Aro's favorite poem is To a Stranger by Walt Whitman**


	25. If I was a painter

**A/N: A million thanks to you guys! I love you and extend a virtual cup cake to you all.**

**As Always I do not own Twilight but I own this plot...and several fantasies surrounding Carlisle/Peter.**

** On to the chapter, enjoy!  
**

* * *

CPOV

_"Bella, what the hell happened to you arms?"_

Leading her into the Cathedral I waited for her explanation. When she offered none, I knew in my gut exactly what—or rather who, had done this to her. Jacob. Mangy mutt bastard! In the dim moon light, the state of her arms was visible, but her skin was hot and beneath my fingers I could distinctly feel welts. Inside seeing was no longer a problem; in fact, everything was all too clear.

The tops of her slender arms were marred, angry, and red, raised welts in the shape of fingers. Jacob's fingers. He touched her and I wasn't there to stop it, to protect her, or beat him to a bloody pulp. Perhaps it was the play or flicker of candle light, but her skin appeared to be bruising, already. Where was that magic salve when you needed it? Overwhelmed by anger I stepped away from her sharply and sat on the pew. She remained standing, allowing space between her and me.

Space, I needed it at the moment, even if it burned me after a whole night away from my Isabella. Shame filled my pores. What transpired after I left the table to soak my agony? Perhaps I was being over dramatic but this night had been worse than I imagined. To see her face and smiles and not be able to share in them, to be separated by so much red tape and judgment, it was agony by its definition. One look at her arms and I knew it was something I could have stopped…if it wasn't for all this bullshit.

"Isabella, what happened and is he gone now?" I asked her, my voice taking on an icy calm I hadn't used in years.

Quietly she explained how he cornered outside the lavatory, that fact that he man-handled her was obvious. His words didn't matter to me, I could give a flying fuck what he said to her—the fact that he had been violent enough to shake the notion of safety in his presence was enough. Thank God for Rose, yet another thing I owed my gratitude to her over. If Rose hadn't been there…I couldn't finish the thought.

"Is he gone?" She nodded. "Do you see how easily he could have hurt her much worse than this Isabella?"

"Yes." She hissed through her teeth. Did she not see how serious this was?

"It wasn't very brilliant to antagonize him Isabella, why would you do such a stupid thing. Did you really think he wouldn't hurt you? He's been stalking you…stalkers aren't known to be the most rational of people." I heard a tiny sob echo through the medieval sanctuary and it took me a while to realize that it had come from her. She stood against the pew, looking at the ground, chastised, crying.

Because of me.

Fuck! I hadn't meant to make her feel that way.

"Come here please, honey." She didn't hesitate in coming to me, and for that I was grateful. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be so harsh." I whispered as she settled against my lap. "Do you know how much you mean to me? How much it would have hurt me if something worse happened to you? I'm sorry."

Isabella didn't answer but I felt her nuzzle against my chest and figured I was forgiven. Her skin on mine felt heavenly, especially because my shirt was still somewhat opened. Kissing the top of her head, I buried my face in her hair, inhaling the soft scent of Lavender and Violets. She always smelled so lovely, so peaceful. We stayed that way for a while, peacefully quite. Every so often, she would sigh into my skin and hold me tighter, mumbling something unrecognizable against me. I almost thought she was asleep until the shrill ring of a mobile phone broke our joint tranquility.

Damn technology.

Bella jerked up and looked around for her bag—which was indecently in her hand. Finding her phone she frowned at the screen. Why, I had no clue but I rubbed her back, listening to her half of the conversation.

"Alice, I'm fine...it hurts a little, but I'm fine…No, I'm with Carlisle. Where do you think? In the Cathedral…I don't want to talk to Emmett right now. Rose doesn't need to say anything."

Emmett? What had he done? I tugged on a wayward curl to get her attention but she shook her head, mouthing that it wasn't important. The look on her face said different.

"Alice, can you send Felix in here please…Yes, I can't walk out like this, not with Carlisle. Oh…he did? Charlie's leaving…because…oh. Thank you Ali, and thank Jasper for me too. Bye, love you, kiss."

I waited as she took a couple of deep breaths. Her hands were shaking slightly, and a few errant tears slid down her face. "Why are you crying, love?" I asked brushing the slow falling tears from her cheeks, kissing her lips tenderly.

"Charlie's leaving tomorrow morning." I froze and sat back against the pew at the mention of Charlie. The man hated me, and saw fit to drill into Bella that she was making a huge mistake with me. I had an inclining that they had exchanged words, but now I knew they had. She started crying in earnest despite my cooing. "Carlisle, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't think about how this weekend would play out. I can't believe I thought it would be fun."

"Isabella, it has been fun," I started, tipping her chin up so I could look at her face, "not tonight and I suspect tomorrow night won't be too great, but our time together…that has been wonderful. You have nothing to be sorry about. We knew this was going to be challenging. My sweet girl, don't cry. Why don't we go back to your place, get out of these clothes and take a hot bath. We can soak away this horrible night and hopefully put something on those bruises. How does that sound, love?"

"Perfect…just you and me. It's always better that way, when we add other people…c'est quand tout va àl'enfer." I chuckled at her scowl, and softly reminded her that we could not live in a bubble. "I guess you're right, but it would be less stressful."

"Yes it would be Bella, but not very fun." She blushed and bit her lip before turning to me, her eyes alit with fire. Despite the wetness of her cheeks she was a goddess and it hardly mattered that I had had her just this afternoon, I wanted her now. Thoughts of defiling this scared place flitted through my mind as I took her in.

Christ! I'm going to hell for these thoughts.

Her dress was nothing short of sexy and short, bloody hell was it short. With her on my lap it rode up passed decency. The color suited her pale skin perfectly as did the wealth of skin it showcased. If I hadn't known better I'd say that she was nude beneath the black tulle. Her lips were red and swollen from our rendezvous outside and her hair looked artfully twisted to look like a windblown nymph. Utterly beautiful.

"We have a lot of fun just the two of us Carlisle." She whispered, trailing her finger across my cheek and down my neck.

My little minx. Holding her face in my hands I traced her lips with my tongue, kissed the corners of her lips. She made an impatient noise in the back of her throat when I pulled away. I chuckled, "Yes, we do have fun don't we. Ummm, have I told you how painfully sexy and beautiful you look tonight Isabella?" She shook her head, trembling as I rained kisses over the soft sensitive skin under her jaw.

"My mistake…Bella, you look delectable, good enough to eat."

"Haven't had dessert yet Carlisle?" She taunted, breathlessly.

I smiled against her throat and slid my hand under her dress to cup her sex. I couldn't tell what she had on but I could tell that it was ruined with her arousal, soaked through. _My sweet, alluring girl is always so ready for me. _"Isabella…you know my dessert starts and ends with you baby."

"God, Carlisle, you're driving me crazy." she moaned loudly, the sound reverberating off the saintly walls. That sound was directly connected to my dick. Considering sex in this place was blasphemous, but damn I wanted her.

_The confessionals would offer some semblance of privacy._

What would my father think if he knew what I was considering?

"Fucking Christ! I had no idea I going to witness this when that woman asked me to go get Bellar. Shame on you Cullen, you old dog…driving her mad that way. Not very nice, and in the house of God too…tisk tisk. Fancy getting a lightning bolt up you arse, do yah Cullen." I turned my face to look at our interruption. Felix stood beside us, a playful smile on his face and something in his hand. I was rather sick of him tonight. "Bellar, Alice said you might need this. Carlisle, fine evening to get things off ones chest, wouldn't you say?"

"Felix," I greeted him tersely as Bella hopped off me and took the tiny jacket from him. Buttoning my shirt and retying my tie I dared Felix comment.

"You might want to go to confession Cullen, wipe the slate clean with a few Hail Mary's then after that you could confess something else to Bellar."

"Felix." I warned.

"Will you please leave Carlisle alone? Stop goading him. Just tonight, for me, leave him alone." Something passed between them, a sad understanding that left me on the outside looking in. Clearly, things were worse for her than I had thought and because Felix had planted the seed, guilt began to bloom within me. I didn't like the feeling. He nodded and kissed her cheek before explaining that his car was round the corner and he'd meet her there shortly. "Okay, I'll me—"

"You're not walking out there alone Bella." I left no room for argument, and took her hand.

Regardless of whatever prying eyes were around I wasn't going to let her walked out unescorted. The party was still in full swing; the dance floor littered with smartly dressed people and liberated couples holding each other intimately. I envied them instantly. I spotted Marcus and talking with a very tall pale man, whatever conversation they were having it wasn't a pleasant one—I dreaded to think what they were discussing and how it would affect Bella. Ignoring the thought, I walked her to Felix's car, helping her in. I kissed her irresistible lips and whispered to her that I'd see her soon and closed the car door. What I wouldn't give to simply round the car and get in beside her. From the other side I heard my old friend chuckle and found him watching me, just as smug as always.

"What?" I snapped, still rubbed raw over our conversation earlier tonight at the bar.

"_You're in love with her." Felix told me after ordering his drink._

"_No, Hammer…not yet anyway."_

"_Bullshit. You're in love with her. You have the same look my dad gets when mum comes into a room, it's fucking disgusting yet bloody fantastic all at the same time. " I opened my mouth to refute his words but he didn't give me the chance. "It's been ages since we've seen each other, and I don't know what happened to you but I know it was bad. Never the less, you love her, tell the girl and don't give her a reason to examine if you're worth the risk."_

_Worth the risk…nothing had ever sounded so painful to me._

"_I love you, I always have, and you have been like a brother to me, but mate… you aren't worth the risk. You make her happy and that's nice, but without knowing that you love her you're asking too much of Bellar—blind faith in a man that lives a world away from her. Any rational person can see that she's risking too much…the relationship is off keel, she stands to lose much more than you. She has Canard to think about. She's out of sorts with her dad; she's never out of sorts with her dad. She's getting bad press; people are talking a lot of shit. Jake is popping up and making threats. You're thinking about knocking her up, making babies with her—don't think about denying it. I saw the way you been looking at her all day—the least you can do it tell her that you love her. She's standing out there all alone taking the blows this fucking city is throwing at her while you sit in the dark waiting for everything to be safe. Put yourself out there and meet her half way for fucks sake. Tell her how you feel because right now you two are nothing, but a time sensitive fantasy. That's not fair to her. Bellar isn't the type of girl you keep hidden, she's the one you marry. And as of this moment pray to God that the fact that you're her teacher never gets out. She could lose everything, faster than you can imagine."_

"_What exactly are you telling me Felix?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice down amidst my ire. How dare he suggest that I wasn't thinking of what she was sacrificing? "That I'm not risking enough or that I'm putting more weight on her shoulders? My career is on the line as well Felix, I'll have you know. Everything about this relationship burns me, you think that I like the secrets and lies, and ridicule from her father, that I enjoy being looked at like a pedophile or worse a scoundrel. I don't and I don't relish that she takes the flack for our relationship but what would you have me do Felix?" _

_He looked at me for a moment as if he was reading my mind and uttered his advice. "Stop hiding."_

"_Hiding? You think that this is a choice I enjoy? Hiding, it's the only option available to us."_

"_That's not the type of hiding I'm talking about Carlisle and you know it." He murmured solemnly. _

"_You think that because you watch us, you know what I feel for her or what I'm willing to risk for her. I'd quit if it weren't for the fact that I need to be on good terms with Sorbonne. Where is this coming from, has she said something or is this just you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong?"_

"_No, she hasn't said a thing. I love that girl, that's where this is coming from. I hope you never have to seeing her making herself sick because she can't control what she loses or who leaves her behind. You weren't there when Aro died and you weren't there when—_

"_Lower you voice for Christ's sake Felix—we are in public."_

"—_She's in deep with you and if you leave you'll break her. You say you understand but you don't. You don't because you're so fucking terrified of falling in love you can't see you're already fucking there. I know we promised never to pick women over each other—Mates before Birds—but I'm on her side. I never want to see that look in her eyes again and if it's one thing that I've learned in this life, it's that the people that love us the most are the ones with the power to destroy us. You love her…therefore you can break her."_

"_I don't love her yet Felix, it has only been a month. It's ridiculous and I have no intention of leaving."_

_The bar man handed Felix his drink, throwing a suspicious looking my direction. __**What the fuck are you looking at? **__My face must have said what my mind was screaming because he scurried away._

"_See! Right there, you can't fucking admit it! Why do you think you can't leave her? You don't get how she's tangling you into her life. You don't get that she's introducing you to people and things and places that are important to her. Bellar is making you a part of her life, not just her bed but she risking herself, you fuck! What are you giving her besides sex? Time doesn't mean anything Carlisle, you love her, it's time you realized it. Tell her mate, you might be surprised to find out what she has to say."_

_I was reeling by his words, somewhere along the way Felix had grown up and I wasn't sure I liked it. Sure, I had known what she was putting on the line for me but to have it presented nice and neatly for me was an eye-opener. Choosing to ignore his declaration of my love, I changed the subject. "Why are you here Felix, how do you know about Canard?"_

"_I'm Bellar's lawyer…or at least I'm her lawyer where Canard is concerned, things aren't looking good Carlisle, not one bit. Watch out for that Marcus—he's a shady little bastard. I'm off to find that blonde women, but think about what I said, seriously."_

I had been thinking about it, every word he spoke to me played on a constant loop in the space between my ears since our conversation. Contemplation was what led me inside the church in the first place. Before my parents' divorce I had always found it easier to sort my thoughts in church; my father's pulpit had been my rock during uncertain adolescent years, and his words my ultimate guidance. Though my faith had been rocked over the years the rush of peace that came over me when I stepped into a sanctuary never faltered. But once I wandered into the courtyard, I knew I only needed Bella, well Bella and a smoke.

Felix cleared his throat, reminding me that he was still watching me like a bug under a microscope. "I know that look Carlisle; you had it this afternoon when she played with the mop headed little lad. Tell her mate." With that he opened his car and told Bella something, more than likely to change the music. For all his dastardly ways, Felix only enjoyed opera and classical music—I blamed his mother for his limited taste. She was a stuck up, prune of a woman.

"Get her home safely, and Felix," I started. He looked up at me, curious as to what I'd have to add.

"Yeah Cullen?"

"Fuck off."

I could still hear him laughing as he closed the door and drove off. For a while, I stood there, in the dark alley watching as she got further away from me. There was a tugging in my chest that led me to question whether Felix was right. Was I truly too terrified of falling in love that I had been blinded to the fact that I was already there?

No. I couldn't give his words weight. This wasn't love…not yet.

Returning to the sea of empty tables and tipsy French men and women, as I searched for Rose and Emmett I was pulled into a conversation with a man named Massimo. He was a kind fellow—obviously not a native, even if his French was impeccable—and I learned that he was a close friend of Aro's. We chatted about this and that and mostly about how well my book was doing here; his words were free from condescending astonishment and I found it pleasant to hear him express a desire to work closer with me. He was so different from Aro but I could see why the men had been friends. When I spotted Rose and Emmett I kindly excused myself and he nodded and asked me to give his love to Bella for him.

I walked away from him smiling, knowing that Bella had at least one ally at Canard.

"Who was that?" Rose asked when I sat down in the chair beside her. I shrugged and said he worked for Bella. She arched a brow, sighed, and asked if I was ready to get out of here. Yes, I was more than ready, with Bella gone there was little to no reason to remain here.

Taking my silence as an acquiesce Rose and Emmett made their way to their car—they were a somber little party. Emmett was uncommonly silent staring at his shoes as he walked. Rose was positively furious, even with her ice queen mask firmly in place I could see past the exterior. I made to ask them what was had happened, where their "look at my ultra sound picture" joy had gone, but thought better of it when I caught the look Rose sent her husband when his hand ventured too close to her back.

Could it be pregnancy hormones?

No, definitely not.

Maybe.

Her eyes burned as he attempted to climb in the front seat. Wordlessly she looked towards the back seat and without the normal fuss he would have made Emmett climbed in. Needless to say the ride to Bella's home was an awkward one wrought with tension. Neither of them spoke and I found myself afraid to say anything.

Rose parked and ordered Emmett to stay in the car. As we made it to the front door, I couldn't contain my curiosity any longer. "Rose what did he do?"

She sighed and knocked on the door before answering. "He got drunk and started making sexual comments about Bella, you, and what you guys do behind closed doors with Charlie sitting right at the table. I may just be warming up to the girl but he embarrassed the fuck out her tonight, and me, and that's not right. Oh and he revealed to everyone with ears that Bella is your student. I have no idea how many people heard or understood him but he wasn't whispering, Carlisle. Charlie didn't like the blowjob comment too much. I wouldn't either if I were him."

I chose to ignore the blowjob comment because honestly I didn't want to know. "Emmett got drunk? All he had was wine."

"You know he's a light weight, three glasses and he's done. Maybe he's spending too much time around the twins, watching fucking Yo Gabba Gabba and not enough with adults. He's forgotten how to behave in social situations and—."

The creek of the heavy door as it opened stopped Rose midsentence. Alice greeted us both with a nod, commenting on what else had eluded Emmett tonight. "Apparently he forgot how to keep secrets too. Rose, Carlisle, come on in guys."

Rose nodded once and asked where Bella was, claiming that she needed to apologize to her for Emmett. Her being amiable with Bella was still odd for me. She disappeared into the house, her heels clicking on the stone floor. I hung back, hoping to give Rose time to say what she needed. Alice stepped outside, joining me on the steps leaving the door ajar, so she could keep an ear on what was going on inside. Her face was drawn down in a sad little frown unbecoming of her bright face.

She looked up and gave me a once over, taking stalk of me, before she started talking. "How are you doing tonight Carly?"

"Oh, Alice, you know," I laughed humorlessly, combing back my over grown hair, "Comme Ci, Comme Ça. You?"

"I've had better nights. I knew this would happen, you know. I told her Jacob was dangerous but he's not done…he was trying to tell her something by showing up tonight…I wish I knew what that was." She sighed and looked at the crack of light coming from the open door, listening to the muffled voices inside. "I didn't know Charlie was going to be so hard on her. That's surprised me."

"What happened?" I asked almost afraid to find out.

"Nothing, that's what worse. He didn't yell. He interrogated her— cold, detached—, and left when he got his answer. I know there's a considerable age difference, but if he'd only take the time to see that she's happy, he wouldn't be so upset. Carlisle, has she talk—"

"Assez!" A familiar voice shouted from inside.

Alice and I both looked at one another, shocked, asking with expressions of bewilderment what we didn't put into words. Was that Bella? Together we entered the house, searching the source of the commotion. As the voices escalated, Alice murmured that Bella was going "tan their hide". I laughed to myself because clearly she was adopting Jasper's vernacular. The scene we walked in on was, to say the least, unexpected.

Seth, Joshua, and Demetri were sitting on the divan smirking to each other. Jasper was by the fireplace, unbuttoned and sans tie with elbows on his knees watching them with mild disgust. Felix, typical to his personality, was leaning out the French doors smoking away with his back to everyone but I knew he was paying close attention to the conversation. Rose was sitting as cool as a duchess taking great pleasure in Bella's "Hide Tanning". And in the center of all of this stood my girl, glaring at her friends with her fists clenched at her sides, furious words of reproach flying from her lips.

Skirting around the table and divan I walked over to where Bella was standing and placed my hand on her lower back, hoping that it gave her the support she needed. I still wasn't sure what had transpired but I had the feeling my support was needed. Her cheeks were hot, a sure sign of either embarrassment or anger. Looking at her carefully I decided it was both.

"Bella, come on we were just playing. I hear you love playing…on just about every surface." Seth snorted, barely concealing his amusement.

"That's what I'm talking about! Enough!"

"It was only a bit of fun Bella, they didn't mean any harm," Joshua added.

"I don't care Bonbon it needs to stop. Now. This is no one business." She growled, looking from Seth to Demetri before throwing a quick glance at Alice.

"What needs to stop?" I asked.

"These dip shits have been jokin' about how much sex you two have and Bella has had enough. I think it's high time too. I'm plum worn out of havin' to listen to all y'all snicker about Bella and who she chooses to share herself with, yes darlin' that's includin' you. This is their business and they don't need any of ya'll meddlin' or puttin' in your two cents. They got enough of that already."

"Thank you Jasper!" Bella exclaimed. "How is it that someone who's known me for less time understands and you guys don't? I'm tired of everything I do being up for discussion or made a joke of. My sex life is not open for discussion…to anyone unless I decided to discuss it with you, got it."

Seth started to protest but Alice cut him off, "Ducky we just poke fun cuz we care."

"Maybe Alice does it because she cares but I do it because it's just too fun." Seth laughed, earning himself death glares from both myself and Bella.

" Seth, stop. If you can't do that then maybe you should leave, come to think of it, I'm tired and tonight was shit. I want all you guys to leave. Now."

Jasper came over and whispered something in her ear before gathering up Alice and Rose and walking out the door quietly. The boys left in a similar fashion and only Joshua apologized. Felix finished his coffin nail and bid us a good night, promising to lock the outside gate before closing the door softly behind him. Sooner than we could realize we were alone once again, blissfully alone.

"Care to tell me what brought all of that out?"

"No, it's done Carlisle."

"Alright love," I breathed, satisfied with her answer. "Quite a night we're having, huh?" She hummed in agreement, leaning back against me. Wrapping my arms around her waist I dropped my chin on her shoulder and listened to soft peats of rain. I adored the rain, even as a child.

Turning to place a kiss on my neck Bella asked me to meet her in the master bathroom in fifteen minutes. After the night we had I didn't want to be away her for more than I had to be, but I agreed, knowing that I'd count every minute as she left the room.

The rain was beginning to pick up so I walked around and closed the French doors, and discarded the ashes in the ash tray on the nearby table.

_Fourteen minutes…Do something Cullen._

The rain drops rolled off the window panes, countless tears fell from the sky. Rain had always spouted the spirit of reflection in me and this time was no different. I turned over tonight's events and even an imbecile could see that it had been tainted by our circumstance, surroundings, and the company we kept. Perhaps she was right after all—in each other's arms nothing could harm us. I checked my watched and cursed.

_Twelve minutes…that took all of two minutes._

Because I knew it would take some time I went around checking all the locks, drawing curtains closed and checking windows making sure we were safe. I thought I caught a flicker of red across the sprawling lawn but quickly dismissed it—the gate was locked and the walls were too high for anyone but Spiderman to scale.

As I made my way through Isabella's home, taking in pictures and little trinkets I found myself thinking about what it would be like to raise children in this home. I could see them, taking first steps on wobbly legs in the back yard, opening Christmas gifts in front of the tree, or staying warm in front of the fire on nights like this one. Bella and children, it was an ideal—if not completely mad—thought. Once again, I stood rooted in the doorway of the dining room eyes fixed on the heavy wood table—it was my favorite room after all. I doubted I'd be able to eat dinner on the table and not think about us. About what we did.

_Nine minutes…_

Blast! Would she object to my being early? Slowly I decided to make my way up the stairs, taking one step at a time. The rain had picked up, tapping loudly against the roof and windows, the sound relaxed me. When I reached the bedroom I discarded my jacket on the chaise, and in seconds my tie joined the party. Kicking off my shoes and toeing off my socks I sat on the bed to wait all the while watching the amber glow flicker from the gap between the door and the floor.

_Two minutes…_

"Carlisle." Isabella called out finally. I sighed with relief and went to join her. I wish I would have had some warning as to what I was walking in on.

The infamous bathroom I had heard so much about was everything and perhaps more than Bella had made it out to be. I couldn't tell you the color or décor of the room because it was awash with light from a dozen candles all ranging in size scattered all over—along the wide window sill, shelves, tables, even the floor. The walls were surely as rustic and aged as the rest of this mysterious place and the tiles felt like marble beneath my feet, but I could only focus my full attention on the two things.

In the center of the spacious yet warm room stood, like homage to a simpler time, a large claw foot tub, slowly filling with steaming water and beside it was Bella, in all her naked flushed glory.

My eyes lingered over her supple ivory skin, the dips and curves I yearned to caress. My God she was beautiful.

She smiled shyly at me before walking over and undressing me, removing one article at a time. It was erotically appealing watching her eyes burn, her arousal build as each layer was discarded. Lord knows my own arousal grew with hers. I groaned as her touch danced over my skin, lingering at my hips even after my trousers and boxer briefs were long gone.

I didn't have to ask her to touch me, instinctively she knew what I wanted—needed.

Her hand wrapped around my cock, stroking it at her leisure while she kissed me. Thrusting in time with her unhurried ministrations I kissed her back, sucking her bottom lip, exploring her mouth.

Swallowing her moans, I brought her flush to my chest, naked skin to naked skin, running my hands over her body, stopping my exploration only to cup her delicious derrière. The scrape of her hard nipples across my chest never ceased to thrill me.

She pulled away to look down at what her hands were doing and moaned. My gaze followed hers and my blood boiled, loving the sight of my swollen cock surrounded by her dainty hand. She chanted how much she loved touching me, how much she enjoyed bringing me pleasure, and suddenly I had to know exactly how much she enjoyed it. I brought my hand between her legs to feel her, lingering at her swollen lips. She was drenched and scorching.

I whispered her name while I parted her folds, shuddering and closing my eyes to the pleasure rippling through me. There was a languor to our actions that we hadn't experienced before, we weren't pressed for time. We had all night…and all day if it caught our fancy. Bella must have realized that because she stroked up once last time and dragged her hands up my stomach and to my neck. Her lips found my shoulder, pressing the lightest of kisses there.

"Come on Carlisle, let's take a bath."

Yes, lets.

xXXx

I woke before Bella the next morning, every muscle in my body slightly sore—a deep pleasurable ache only achieved by a long night of sensually exerting one's self. A wicked grin spread across my sleepy face as I recalled every blissful moment. Her soft contented moans echoing in the candle lit bathroom as my fingers drove her to sweet release after release. Sudsy water sloshing, spilling out on to the floor as I guided her hips while she rode me, too aroused to wait. My thrusts, when we managed to make it to the bed dripping wet, pushing her up the bed higher and higher, each one sending the iron headboard crashing into the wall, an escalating reminder that she, her body, her pussy and quite possibly her heart, were mine.

It had been a long night.

Stretching I sat up and surveyed the damage to the wall. Dents, cracked plaster, chipped paint…Nothing too bad, I was sure Bella wouldn't mind if the sounds she was making last night were anything to go by. I smiled down at the women beside me, naked, hair tangled and damp from both our bath and our antics. We hadn't bothered with sheets as our overheated bodies too sweaty to think about being covered, even by the thin sheets. If it was up to me, she'd be naked twenty-four seven. Highly impractical, but also, highly visually stimulating.

Goosebumps rippled across her skin and mine as the wind moaned outside. Obviously the weather had yet to calm, picking up the duvet I covered us both against the chill. She sighed softly and shifted until she found me, resting her head in my lap to close the minimal gap between our bodies.

I reveled in her constant desire to be as near to me as possible, no one had ever needed to be so close to me before. It warmed my heart, my soul. Stroking her hair, I waited for her to wake up and listened to the sounds of early morning.

Through the pelts rain still falling on the Provence, a rooster crowed somewhere in the distance, announcing the arrival of the new day. Despite the time, the room was relatively dark, the accompanying sullen dull haze beating its way through the sheers. It was an incredibly peaceful environment.

For a while, I was alone with my thoughts, but I was thankful when Bella began to stir. Her eyelashes fluttered as she slowly woke. She smiled up at me, once her eyes were fully open. I loved it when she smiled at me that way.

"Morning handsome," she whispered with admiration. From where her head was, I couldn't tell if she was talking to my dick or me. I questioned who she was addressing, earning myself a slap on the thigh. "As much as I like him Carlisle, I was talking to you, cheeky ass."

"Cheeky? Taking my words now, are we love? Well, I just wanted to make sure, you are very close to him and he does like you very much…he can't get enough of you." She arched a brow at my cocky—no pun intended—tone, her signature blush staining her cheeks down to the tops of her breasts. My fingers traced her hot cheeks. They would have travelled further had she not slapped my hand away playfully.

"Sorry for corrupting up your _innocent _morning greeting. Morning, love," I laughed. "Sleep well?"

She nodded sitting up and curling around me, laying her head on my chest. "I slept great. You?"

"Wonderful. What do you want to do today?" I smiled when her stomach gurgled before she could answer, "Breakfast?"

Bella smirked and threw her leg over my hip, straddling me. I groaned and reached out to grasp her hips, my dick already hardening painfully. Fuck, this woman… she didn't know the meaning of recovery time. "Later Carlisle," she whispered hotly into my ear, biting me mischievously.

How could I deny her when she did things like that?

xXXx

After a two explosive orgasms and a steamy shower Bella and I dressed and decided to get some sustenance. With the way we were attacking one another we were going to need food, lots of food. Bella whipped us up something delicious in seconds and like most things she put her hands to, it was perfect. At the counters we ate, sipping spicy red Mourvèdre and talked. Occasionally she would brush my thigh affectionately as she told me about her art show in June. I couldn't wait for it. When we finished Bella put on some music and cleared the dishes.

"I'll wash Carlisle, you dry," Isabella suggested, tossing a towel at me. We worked on the minimal dishes together, enjoying the normalcy of what we were doing.

With the kitchen clean and dishes put away Bella threw her arms around my neck, and started swaying back and forth, coxing me to dance with her but I was frozen, eyes glued to her arms. In my desire to have her I had overlooked their purplish hue, but they could only be ignored so long.

Gingerly unlocking her arms, I inspected the bastard's handy work, lightly tracing the marks. The rage that had been tucked away so neatly before began building in my chest with each breath. You know the saying about things looking worse in the light of day—well it had never held more truth than it did today.

Sensing my distress Bella reassured me that she was fine. "Bruises fade Carlisle," she whispered, toying with my hair. "They'll go away and it will be like it never happened, baby. Please don't frown like that Carlisle; you can't protect me all the time. It's not your job."

Her last sentence caught my attention. Tearing myself away from her arms, I looked at her eyes—such deep and soulful eyes and realized why this pained me so much—why I couldn't let it go. Felix was right.

I was in love with her.

* * *

**A/N: *peeks out from behind hand* Let me know what you guys think, review s'il vous plait. I hope I haven't lost any of you and if I have...I hope you come back.**

**(=**

**Translations:**

**C'est quand tout va àl'enfer-That's when everything goes to hell.**

**Assez!-Enough!**

**Comme Ci, Comme Ça-Not good, Not bad.**


	26. If I was a painter part deux

**A/N: I know it had been a while but I promise that I have NOT abandoned the story! I have just been busy. I hope everyone that celebrates Christmas had a lovely time and for those that celebrate something else...I hope your celebrations were lovely as well.**

**I'd like to thank each and every one of you that read, follow, love, enjoy, and review this story, you are aces in my book!**

**Kay, you are priceless in general. Lately, I've come to depend on you very much and I'm happy that you don't seem to mind the pings about evil eggs and my missing E. You give me strength when I don't know where to look for it. I'm slightly frightened of crying and letting you know because you're a stern mistress. *grins* A million smooches and hugs from me to you.**

**Enjoy and see you at the bottom.**

* * *

_CPOV  
_

_I was in love with her._

"Carlisle?" Bella's soft, warm hand on my cheek did nothing to slow the erratic beating of my heart. Love. I loved her. I Carlisle William Cullen was in love with Isabella Marie Swan. I loved her. My mind couldn't wrap itself around the idea, my feeling. "Carlisle, did you hear me? They'll fade with time."

Love. I was in love with her.

It wasn't by any means a bad revelation, simply a surprising one seeing as not so many hours ago I had insisted that I wasn't. How wrong I had been, now looking at her I could see the magnitude of my error. Bella's face was pleading, soft and hoping I'd leave well enough alone. And because I loved her (yes it felt odd think it) I decided to give her what she wanted. With a tender kiss I nodded in agreement, though it burned me to do so, and took her into my arms, wondering if she knew how I felt.

Did she feel the same way? Could she return my love? I was so much older and it had been ages since I had properly loved another woman this way. Love knows no age difference Carlisle, my mind shouted with exasperation. Regardless of my uncertainty, she needed to know…not now, not here, but when we were back in Paris, perhaps when were finally free and everything was "ethical". How do you tell a woman you love her? I'd only done it once and I had all but screamed it at her. Dinner? Yes, I'd tell her then over a romantic dinner. What were a few days of waiting?

"So, Carlisle," Bella started, leaning into my shoulder. "What do you want to do?"

I made a show of pondering our options, resuming our halfhearted dancing to Norah's voice. In truth I wanted to christen every surface of her home so she couldn't walk around without having flash backs of how our bodies, me inside of her and the pleasure I gave her but I filed that need aside and suggested we head to the one room we had yet visited. Without a word, she, childish in her eager excitement, pulled me towards her library.

Books, I should have known, she had an affinity for the written word to rival my own. God, I loved her (Still odd, but not in the wrong sort).

The rain let up mid day so deciding to take advantage we ventured outside and walked around the grounds. My admiration for Bella's home continued to grow as we explored. Wildflowers were strewn every which way, growing near the sea green tiled pool, on century old trees, and climbing through and around iron lattices and trellis. The effect was enchanted, so enchanted in fact that we had lunch outdoors under the shady trees.

After lunch the sky turned gray and we decided to spend the rest of the afternoon inside, playing Jim rummy and listening to Grant Green while we lounged on the chaise, wrapped up in each other. Around five Bella and I started to get ready for tonight's festivities. Unlike the night before I didn't leave, Alice didn't come over and Bella decided that we would arrive, sit and if the mood struck, dance together. No evasion or artifices. If anyone asked we'd say we were friends and leave it at that. Friendship wasn't forbidden, no one could begrudge us that—even if I was her professor. She confessed that she couldn't stomach another night like the last and I agreed wholeheartedly.

I was in the library yet again flipping through an odd little green book with child drawings—Bella's I assumed—when I heard her heels clicking on the stone steps. A groaned escaped my lips. I could only imagine how her dress was going to titillate me this evening. The skin she'd gracefully show me—just enough to leave me salivating. How her heels would spark fantasies, about them digging into my ass while she wrapped her legs around me, at the most inopportune moment.

Placing the book back in its place I took my seat in the large red leather chair and waited for her to find me. Crossing my leg nonchalantly ankle over knee I chuckled hearing her curse her heel—it seemed that her adolescent struggle with balance was resurfacing. It didn't matter; I'd catch her if she faltered—I'd never let her fall.

This love was really quite consuming, how I hadn't seen it before was beyond me.

As the steps came closer I closed my eyes and tried to relax myself lest my verbal filter fail me, allowing me spill my feelings in a quick ramble. She knocked on the door alerting me to her presence and my breath caught in my throat when I saw her standing in the doorway, bathed in the fading light coming in through the window behind me. She looked positively stunning.

"Bella." I breathed, unable to say much more.

She stepped further into the room and smiled. My eyes ran along every inch of her body warped in ash gray scalloped lace. The weave was closed enough to hide the discoloration on her arms but open enough to reveal ivory skin beneath. From her graceful neck to mid thigh she was covered, almost modestly if skin tight was your definition of modest, but when she slowly turned and looked over her shoulder at me, thoughts of modestly flew out the window.

"What do you think, Carlisle?"

A strangled noise came from the back of the throat as I feasted on her exposed back. The dress was cut so that her shoulder blades, spine, waist and delicious hints of those two little dimples above her dernier were visible and I decided then and there, frozen in the chair, that I both adored and loathed its maker. Innocent in the front, wicked and sultry in the back—dear God, it was incredible.

She bought these dresses to torment me, I was sure of it. From the very first one I removed from her body with all the bloody zipper traps to this one that I would peel off of her later tonight, all agents of seduction—aids to her already alluring undeniable pull over me. She cleared her throat and suggested we leave before she joined me on the chair for a quick ride. I wouldn't have minded, in fact the zipper on my slacks would have thanked the hurried frantic release.

"You're right; we should go, before I take you up on that offer."

"A quick ride would be nice…shame we don't have time huh, baby?" She arched a brow at me, playing with the edge of her hem.

I shook my head at her bait. Standing up I shamelessly adjusted myself, letting Bella know full well what she did to me and I would be lying through my teeth if I said her moan didn't inflate my ego…just a little. I walked over to where she was still standing, and brushed back her hair so I could kiss her neck, nibble at her ear lobe, and nuzzle into my favorite spot behind her ear. Her scent was always so concentrated there. Bella sighed, and slipped her hand around my waist to grab my ass. I smiled at her obvious attraction with my ass, mostly because I had a similar attraction to hers.

"Something you like back there Bella?" I asked, knowing how the tenor of my voice affected her.

She shivered as my warm breath ghosted over her ear and I smiled. While I waited for her to respond to me I continued laying my lips on her skin. With care I worked on her, under her jaw, nipping across her throat until I reached the hollow of her ear on the opposite side.

"Maybe," her hands squeezed me quickly before swatting me hard. Fuck that hurt more than I thought. "But babe we have to get going, no matter how hot your ass pants are. Come on Mr. Sexy grab your jacket and let _blow _this Popsicle stand. If you're good I'll blow your _Popsicle _stand later."

"Naughty little minx, you'll pay for that later. You have no idea how good I can be." I smirked and wagged my eyebrows at her suggestively, thinking of all the ways I'd make her pay.

xXXx

When we arrived at Cours Mirabeau Bella let out a dreamy sigh and tightened her grip on my hand. The sight before me was magnificent, each tree lining the wide road was wrapped with twinkling lights, across the sky was a canopy of lights as well casting a nice dewy atmosphere on the dozens of covered in crisp linen. At both ends, playing bookends to the party so to speak, were two huge fountains aged and worn in beauty as only France herself could create.

In moments we found our people, or rather they found us. Alice and Jasper found us first then Rose and Emmett, and Felix and Kate (his date for the night) after them. It seemed Bella's boys were not joining us but it hardly mattered, our group was lively enough as it was. I blushed like Isabella as Alice looked me over and complimented me on my three piece grey speckled wool suit and Hermes purple and white dotted silk bow tie, all the while vibrating on the spot. I should have known she'd have good things to say. She and Bella whispered like school girls on how smartly I was dressed but when Alice started commenting about the cut of my suit and how I must have used James Bond as my reference everyone burst out laughing. It was a known fact amongst my family how much I loved James Bond. _Who doesn't love Bond?_

_Cullen, Carlisle Cullen. _

Before Emmett could mention my many many…many Bond impersonations I broke up the cackling and motioned to the tables. I did notice that he and Bella hung back for a moment and I could only assume he was apologizing to her because when they rejoined the group they both had smiles on their faces –all was forgiven.

While we ate Bella kept on hand in mine under the table and the comfort her thin fingers intertwined in mine gave me was unlike any other. I hardly paid any attention to Alice and Jasper devouring each other because Emmett was telling a story about how Jackson spent the whole day pouting that he would not be able to see his Joey. I found it sweet, even if he was madly in love with my girlfriend. Midway through Rose's description of her sudden baby bump appearance—which I didn't see by the way—Jasper cleared his throat nervously, blushing from his neck to the tips of his ears.

"Sorry Rose, but I got something to say and I've be fixin' to do this for a while now."

I smiled, partially because I had a feeling about where he was going with this and because of the shocked faces both Emmett and Rose wore.

Jasper turned to Alice and grabbed her hands in his while Alice gave Bella a bewildered look. Bella shrugged, in the same confusion on her best friend's face.

"Ali, I've been looking for that one special girl for a while. Texas was a bust, not one of them gals could ever hold my attention the way you do. You keep me on my toes and surprise me at every turn. I've loved more in this past month than I have in my whole live and it's because of you darlin'. I've never been a big believer in fate but I know without a doubt that I was always meant to find you, who would have thought Chanel and wheatgrass mixed but we do mix—better than apple pie and ice cream." Both Alice and Jasper blushes at the comment and I figured we were better off not knowing why. "Some might say it's too fast but I feel like I've known you all my life."

He got on one knee and Alice's hands went to her face, tears shimmering in her eyes.

I looked over at Bella and saw that she too was tearing up, I squeezed her hand under the table. My sweet girl. The reaction in Rose was one of ecstatic shock. Kate was looking at Felix with sappy eyes but the man shook his head, clearly saying—Not gonna happen.

Poor bird.

"Alice, nothing would make me more happy than to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me darlin'?" He pulled out a ring box and opened it, his hands shaking as he did so. Before he could breathe panic Alice launched herself at him, peppering his face between enthusiastic squeals.

"Yes, yes, yes! Jazzy, Yes!"

"I think a toast is in order, _before_ the happy couple mount each other." Emmett yelled.

After Alice calmed down enough to let Jasper slip the ring on her finger, we toasted to them, Rose with sparkling water of course. While Bella and Rose took turns congratulating Alice, the men gathered around the table, drinks in hand partaking in the male slap on the back congratulations.

"Carlisle, it just felt right." Jasper said, grinning from ear to ear.

"I know Jas, I know. I could tell you were thinking about it. I couldn't be happier for you." I told him hugging him affectionately.

My cousin was getting married!

Emmett stood beside us both, desperately trying to contain his tears of joy. He was big but the man had a heart made of marshmallows. At last, he couldn't hold it any longer and threw his arms around us, joining the man hug. Felix groaned and emptied his drink when we separated.

"Damn the lot of you. Dropping like bloody flies you all are, Carlisle is next. I'd bet my salary on it. How is a _single_ man supposed to shag a girl around here without her getting any ideas? Marriage…Did you see the look she gave me Cullen? The woman is right out of her mind! I've only known her twenty six hours."

"Yes, I saw, sorry Felix. But a word to the wise, not all woman want to be on endless rotation," I chuckled, clapping him on the shoulder.

"I need another drink if that's true Carlisle." Felix muttered, glaring at his empty glass.

As Emmett and Jasper dove into a conversation about honeymoons Alice and Rose's discussion of wedding dates floated across the table as did Bella's gaze. I smiled at her and she smiled back coyly. I knew of course how beautiful she was but tonight she looked more radiant that ever—she truly looked happy, surrounded by my family, her friends whom I hoped she would come to think of as family.

"Cullen, you're doing it again."

"I know Felix." I nodded at Bella's silent request for a dance. "Feel free to gloat my old friend, you were right, I am in love with her. Now, if you'll excuse me I have a beautiful girl waiting to dance with me."

I left him laughing and met Bella out on the dance floor by the fountain.

"Fancy meeting you here. May I have this dance?" I asked holding out my hand.

"Of course Carlisle." Bella replied out loud before stepping into my arms, leaving space for appearances sake and whispering so only I could hear her, "Who else would I dance with but you?"

"No one, Isabella. Only me." I brought her a bit closer to me, regardless of the people watching. As we rocked gently back and forth, my cheek resting against the top of her head I thought about Jasper and Alice. They had only been together a week before us yet here they were getting married. Was Felix right, was I next? Did I want to be married again? I shook my head, unsure of my indecision.

Behind Isabella I could see Marcus, and that fellow I had met after the party and the other pale man I had seen last night. All three were watching us with very different expressions. I wondered if perhaps she was neglecting something in order to be with me—it would explain the murderous glares aimed at her naked back. I asked her if there was any Canard work to be done tonight.

"No, tonight is just a party. I don't need to think about them tonight…just you."

I smiled; it seemed I was doing quite a lot of that lately. "I wouldn't have it any other way Isabella. So, Alice and Jasper are getting married."

She nodded and joked that soon we'd be family. Over by our table Rose and Emmett were huddled together, Alice was watching Jasper lovingly while he snapped photos. Family—I liked that more than she realized. "Jasper is perfect for her, he's everything she needs and wants. It's as if they've known each other all along and finally met. Alice deservers a man like him and Jasper is a lucky man. My sister's getting married Carlisle!"

"I know baby, I know." I laughed

The music changed and I found myself dancing to a familiar song, one I had danced with Isabella just this morning. As I listened to the words I actually felt quite sad.

_If I were a painter  
I would paint my reverie  
If that's the only way for you to be with me_

"Bella, this really is a very sad song."

"Why?" She asked, looking up at me.

"It's so conditional Bella," I whispered, my hand caressing her hip. "Everything depends on her being a painter. If, would, could…obviously she isn't a painter and obviously she isn't with the man she loves. Why must so many romantic songs have a sad tint to them?"

_And I'm dreaming of a place  
Where I could see your face  
And I think my brush would take me there  
But only..._

_If I were a painter  
And could paint a memory  
I'd climb inside the swirling skies to be with you  
I'd climb inside the skies to be with you_

"Tragedy, Carlisle…it speaks to those who are hopeless romantics at heart. Besides baby, you have nothing to worry about. I _am_ a painter and," she cupped my cheek and gazed lovingly into my eyes, "_nothing _about us is conditional."

"I guess we're safe then, huh." Her answering smile was all I needed to banish the gloomy song from my mind.

That night after the party died down and we said good bye to the happy couples Bella and I went back to her château nestled among the trees and flowers and made love until our bodies could take no more.

True to her word she rode me gently on the red leather chair in her library, rocking against me to the point of explosion only slip off me at the last possible moment. Sinking down on the floor in front of me she slid me into her warm, sweet mouth. I grunted and moaned at the wonderful things she did to me but I didn't want it to end—neither did she. Postponing our release we moved from the chair to the shelves where I took her slowly, savoring the grip she had on me, the warmth her body gave mine. Her hands danced along my back, lingering at my spine, her nails digging into my flesh when I hit a spot she loved.

Neither of us seemed to be ready to let go, ready to part with the connection we felt when joined intimately. But when we finally did let go it was tender and shattering, moans swallowed by each others hungry kisses as we surrendered to the love that had grow between us so unexpectedly. With each wave of pleasure that washed over me my eyes never left Bella's. And in them, I found what I was looking for—she loved me just as I loved her, even if she wasn't aware of it just yet.

Tried and blissfully satisfied I carried my Isabella to her bedroom and laid her down on the cool sheets before climbing in myself. As she drifted off to sleep, I held her warm body close to mine kissing her hair and whispering my love to her.

"I love you Isabella."

xXXx

The drive back from Provence was somewhat sad. I hated to leave such a majestic place but I knew we'd come back. We'd see many springs, summers, winters, and autumns together in that house and I could hardly wait for it. In fact, somewhere between Lyon and Paris I decided I'd tell her how I felt sooner rather than later. I left Bella at her flat, reluctantly I might add, because I needed to grade papers and gradually ease back into the mode of responsible professor. Not to mention she needed to study as well. With a passionate kiss I promised to be back to take her to dinner after I finished working at home.

As it turned out working in my rented flat proved impossible, impractical—so after I made a reservation at Le Coupe-Chou I went to my office down at Sorbonne. I smiled sinking into the plush office chair and began to work. With luck I'd be done in time to dine with Isabella

Three hours and many, many ill conceived papers later Bella's paper lay innocently on my desk. I knew I'd find nothing but intelligence and a fierce understanding for the material I presented in this past month but I paused before flipping the cover page to remove myself from the man who loved her and find the man who played the impartial educator—but even he loved her.

After reading her paper, I sat back in my chair astonished. The prompt was the same across the board unlike the weekly papers but she was the only one to take her paper in this direction. Where most had tried in vain to suggest a sappy amours air underneath Baudelaire's words but Isabella worked with what was given to her—bleak and true. Her choice of poem, _Chant D'Automne_, was not one I would have chosen to argue the evidence of love in Baudelaire's poetry but having read her eloquent words I found it idiotic, almost inexcusable _NOT_ to choose this poem. One specific section stayed with me as I sat there in the quite office.

_Chant D'Automne, complex and vivid, pleads for the reader to seize the summer of his or her life—to seek the love of another, passions of a lover and enjoy it to the fullest because these are fleeting pleasures that, once past, are gone forever. Within the lines of this poem a relationship between Summer and Winter, love and death, becomes clear as a pair, where there is one there is the other—beginning and an end—as is the secession all life takes. Autumn play its part as a prelude to what comes after the Summer, the life, the love. The impending and enviable notions of death are prevalent throughout the poem in nostalgia and sadness because of a lack of love—all things come to their end after all._

_It is the absence of love that makes the Winter so bleak, because without love what do you have but days passing without definition, forever in limbo and the cold bitter sting of winter. _

My mind was turning over her words when there was a quick tap on my door and without a thought I called for the person to enter, setting Bella's paper aside. I looked up to see Jane's witch face as she sat herself down in one of the chairs smugly.

She was the last person I expected.

"I don't have time for your empty threats Ms. Lapointe. Say what you need quickly and get the hell out of my office. I have things to do." I fixed her with a stern glare and waited.

"So hostile Carlisle," She scolded.

"It's Mr. Cullen, how many times must I remind you. The time for first names vanished when we were at university together and I guarantee you that we'll never be on those terms again."

"Ahh, Carlisle…those were good times. If you would have just been more open to me we could have had so much fun—Esme be damn. It's a shame about the baby though."

"Don't you dare talk about them!" I spat, slamming my hand down hard on the desk.

"Oh, I won't. Our past, shall we say _enchevêtrements_ isn't the reason I'm here, but more like a present one. I assume you know what—or whom I referring to." She picked an imaginary speck of lint off her skirt while her words sunk in.

My blood ran cold. I knew whom she was referring to and though she had alluded to this before, now the air around her cracked with certainty. She had leverage, proof. How she had acquired it was immaterial, the point was that she had it. I was terrified for my relationship, for my Bella.

"Say I do know whom you're referring to, what would be your benefit in all this? What could you possibly gain—Alastair will refuse to give you the job. Blackmail will get you nowhere." I bluffed, but as valiant as the effort was, it was futile. Jane was too smart to fall for it.

"We'll see about that Carlisle, besides a successful blackmail really depends on who I threaten."

There was another tap at the door and this time I wasn't quick to grant access to whoever it was. I shot an inquiring look at Jane; she arched a brow and beckoned the person in, reminding them to shut and lock the door behind them. I waited on bated breath as an overgrown man with greasy long black hair entered the room and locked the door, as he was told. When he turned I could hardly believe my luck.

"Aww, Jane baby, you started the party without me. Hello there Sugar Daddy, how's the shoulder?"

Jacob. Without thinking I leaped out of my chair and grabbed him by his shirt collar, slamming him against the locked door, his head banging hard enough to rattle the glass. He started to taunt me with a smirk but before he could complete the expression, my fist distorted it. Again and again as I took out my rage on the one responsible for hurting the woman I loved.

Finally I had a chance at retribution and I wasn't going to waste it—to hell with the high road.

"What's the matter Jacob, you can hurt a woman but when the fight is fair you do nothing. Coward." I spat, punching him again as he started to resist me. I was much stronger than he despite his build. "Useless excess for a man. Get your kicks following her, stalking her? Harassing and assaulting her!"

With more force than the other bows, I punched his unsightly nose and felt the distinctive crush of bone beneath my fist. Blood began to pour from his face but I cocked my fist regardless, I wasn't through with him. Mid air, I held my fist, surprised by Jacob's laughter. The little prick had gone right out of his tree.

Mad as a hatter.

"Stupid old man, you think breaking my nose will change things. You're wrong! Hope you enjoyed fucking the little whore cuz you'll neve—."

"Don't you ever speak about her that way you bastard!" I punched his blabbering mouth, soundly breaking his lip, for the vulgar remark, smashing my knuckle against his teeth. "What do I need to change, you ignorant prick? Breaking your nose wasn't meant to change a thing, but it did make me feel better."

"I could fight you with my eyes closed, I'd kill you! Let's go."

"Don't tempt me, little fucker," I growled, hoisting his sagging body and slamming it against the door roughly.

"Boys, enough," Jane called coldly from her seat. "Are you about done, Carlisle?" I nodded stiffly, never taking my eyes off of Jacob. "Good, now Carlisle let him go so he can wipe his nose, he's getting blood on the floor."

I let him go but I didn't move. I relished the fact that he was now holding his deformed nose—not that it was any better before I had broken it— and bleeding lip with tearful eyes. The greasy git whimpered like a dog when he misjudged the pressure his injuries could endure.

How could have Bella been with this asshole?

I couldn't see the draw.

"I'd sit if I were you Carlisle; we have many things to discuss."

I returned to my desk and coolly asked what we, her, Jacob and I, could possibly have to discuss. A devious smirk crossed Jacob's bloodied face as Jane explained. With each word a deeper sense of dread creped over me.

"How do you think it would look for her, not to mention you if these pictures got out? I don't need to tell you that both of you would be ruined and eventually you'd resent each other for the mess. What Carlisle, did you think I'd be stupid enough to uncover a secret without acquiring proof first?"

"Proof," I whispered my heart heavy in my chest. "Is this job really that important to you? Would you stoop this low…this is beneath you."

"_Nothing _is beneath me dear Carlisle, you should know that. Jacob, show him."

Jacob then reached into his jacket, pulling out a thick folder and slapping it on my desk, the contents spilling out over the aged wood. "Who's the ignorant prick now, old man?"

My heart stopped and every plan I had shattered around me as I looked at the glossy proof. There must have been thousands of pictures. Bella and I at the fun fair in a passionate embrace, her and me outside her apartment kissing, me on her bike with Bella in my arms outside the silent theater date with Jasper and Alice, the two of us in her Camero, the two of us outside her father's home sitting on the bench, her and I standing outside her home in Provence the day we arrived, me looking out of the gates of _Fleurs Savages _after our football match, our stint in exhibition on her driveway, our intimate date in Cucuron, Bella in my arms as it rained after the party. One in particular enraged me—Bella and I in her library, making love.

"You're a sick fuck, Jacob." I breathed. "This was private, between her and I and you trespassed and invaded our rights. This is illegal."

"So is fucking your student—illegal by Sorbonne's laws anyway. Aren't you ashamed of yourself for screwing such a young girl, you're old enough to be her father…you're the sick fuck."

I winced at his words but said nothing.

They had been watching us the entire time, snapping photos of our stolen moments to use against us. All the moments I felt a prickling sensation of being watched Jacob had been there,_ watching_, plotting. I felt sickened, violated, but most of all I felt like a failure. I had failed to protect her, and us— once more. I could conceive no plan to dig Bella and myself out of this mess, either way one of us would suffer, possibly both.

"What do you want?" My voice hardly sounded like my own it was so broken.

"I think you know what I want Carlisle." I nodded solemnly, I knew what she wanted and where Bella fit into all of this—she was leverage. My weakness, the person to threaten so I'd do what Jane wanted. Bella was always the one with more to lose in this illicit relationship—even Jane and Jacob knew that. Felix had warned me a dozen times. Jacob smiled at me, knowing that he had won and my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. He had won. "Agree and those won't get printed and Princess Bella won't have to explain any of this to Sorbonne or her father. Her career and company—which is threatening to cut her out because of you by the way—will be spotless and safe as long as you do what I want. Agree and she'll be left alone."

"That's not what you promised me Jane." Jacob seethed, his voice muffled by the dirty rag he was now pressing to his nose. My guess was that he wanted Bella to endure this humiliation, suffer every stain to her reputation—I wouldn't allow that.

"Can I have your word that you'll leave her alone if I agree?" She nodded, and as sadistic and cruel as she was, Jane was a woman of her word. Jacob continued to protest, but I ignored him and agreed to Jane's terms.

It was only after they had left my office that I let myself breakdown, tears fell down my face as I realized what I had just done but there was no other way.

None.

I pulled out my phone to text her that I wouldn't be able to do dinner but I couldn't—it was too much. Instead I went to my flat and stood by the windows with a scotch, looking out at the city I had come to love almost as much as much as the women who had uncovered it for me. With a heavy heart, I drew away from the gorgeous view and started gathering up the papers scattered across my desk.

My mobile vibrated and of course I knew who it was texting me. Isabella.

It was always Isabella.

**I miss you! Are we still going to dinner? Can't wait to see you—I have something to tell you so hurry up Professor Sexy. **

**Your Bella.**

My Bella. How I wish that were true. Ignoring my phone I began packing, my time with her was up.

_All things come to their end after all_…

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**A/N: The French word Jane used means entanglements. Please review. *Ducks and runs for cover***


	27. Ne Me Quitte Pas

**A/N: I'll be quick. This chapter was very hard for me to write, due to personal reasons. I want to say that even though this chapter looks bleak...stick with me. I believe in happy endings. For those same personal reasons, I have not been able to reply to all your lovely reviews but I have read them all and I love every one.**

**Thank you to my Betas. Marissa, you were quick and did a lovely job. Thank you. Kay...ahh, where to start with you. Sweets, I love you very much and I thank you for all the hours of chatting, support and love. I'd be lost without your cheeky spirit, comforting words and well times Peter Porn tweets. You know what you mean to mean so I won't ramble on. Also, thank you for looking over this chapter even though you didn't like. I value your reason for disliking it...it's my same reason for not loving it.**

**Enjoy and please, don't hate me.**

**Listen to Edith Piaf's Ne Me Quitte Pas-even in French the words pull at your heart.**

* * *

I will give to you  
Beads of raindrops  
Coming from countries  
Where the rain never comes  
I will dig the earth  
Until and after I m dead  
To cover your body  
With gold and light  
I will create a place  
Where love will be king  
Where love will be you  
Where you will be queen  
Do not leave me

Do not leave me  
I will invent for you  
Words with no sense  
That you'll understand  
I will tell you  
About these lovers  
Whose heart have burnt twice  
I'll tell you  
The story of this king  
Dead for not having had  
The opportunity to meet you  
Do not leave me

BPOV

The way home from Aix was quiet, peacefully so. He sat in the passenger's seat his hand resting on my thigh while I drove. We played no music and because Alice and Jasper had chosen to stay in Provence to enjoy their fresh engagement, it was just us. We left before the sun, France, and God woke, in the blue darkness of the countryside we traveled back to real life, like a normal couple coming back from holiday. We were in our own world—a world I longed to hold on to just a moment longer.

When we reached the city he didn't withdraw his hand but I did notice his eyes dart to around sleepy streets, alert to any threat. I wanted to say that he was being ridiculous, but I knew better.

There was a threat…somewhere he was hiding and only God knew when he'd make his move. I had no clue what his plan was but I knew it would be a dual attack—both Carlisle and I would get hurt. I tried to put it out of my mind and concentrate on the man beside me for as long as possible.

A worthy distraction, indeed.

Avenue Victor Hugo came too quickly.

Parking beside his sleek black rental, I turned off the car and stalled. I have no idea why I felt the urge to simply sit in the car with him but it seemed to be the only thing I wanted at the moment, well, besides climbing in bed with him and sleeping the day away in his arms.

"I'll get your bags and take them up for you, love." He whispered before kissing me on the cheek chastely.

It didn't escape me that he only mentioned my bags, not his. Was he not planning on staying? The final was tomorrow—a surprise postponing by Sorbonne, we still had today to be Bella and Carlisle. Time before we became Miss Swan and Professor Cullen.

Right?

"You're not staying?" He shook his head and the hand on my thigh moved to caress my skin, soothingly as if to assuage his soon to be absence. Placing my hand on his I stopped his circling fingers and asked the only question that came to mind, "Why?"

"I have to grade papers and I can't do it around you, Isabella. With you to distract me even Mike will get a passing grade. I'll be back to take you dinner, I promise sweet girl." He told me, kissing my lips just as chastely as he had kissed my cheek. Warmth spread in my stomach at the sweetness of the kiss. "Besides I have some calls to make, some things to settle," he added vaguely.

Calls to settle things…like his job back in Chicago? Like his place is Chicago? Like the job that was soon to be his at Sorbonne? Mentally I did a dance because he was staying here in Paris. He was staying with me. Nothing meant more to me than that.

When did I become the girl with a male co-dependency?

Did I care?

Not really, I loved the man.

Like he promised, he got my bags and disappeared behind the heavy door guarding my flat. I locked the car and said a quiet good bye to our weekend in Provence before walking inside. I missed the blissful moments we shared in my house already.

The lobby was quiet and empty when I joined him beside the lift and I couldn't help noticing our reflection in the brass-plated doors.

He looked tired, his hair windblown from having the windows down but he looked happy—and dare I say I looked happy as well. We looked like a couple, hands intertwined; despite the obstacles in out path we stayed by one another. No attack or words of malice had torn us apart and it was visible. We had made it through, mind you, it wasn't without scrapes or bruises (literally in my case) but we came out stronger for it. He must have seen it as well because he smiled at me, that special smile of his, the one reserved for me, the smile that crinkled the corners of his sea blue eyes and squeezed my hand, the smile I could feel to the very depths of my soul.

In the confines of the elevator, the bags were dropped and all pretenses of chastity were dropped as I was pulled firmly to his chest. Passionately he took my head between his hands and kissed me. His lips moved hot and unyielding against mine as he backed me into the smooth mirrored wall, pressing me against it, trapping me. My fingers hooked into his belt loops bringing his hips closer to me as I slipped my tongue into his welcoming mouth, exploring and tasting as I went.

He moaned around my tongue and bucked into me, spurred on by the perverse nature of dry humping in a public lift. And I was again surprised by how arousing the idea of what were doing was. Carlisle had that effect on me; we seemed to have that effect on each other. With a strangle groan Carlisle broke free, his breath coming hard and fast.

"Bella," he rasped in my ear, holding my hips and grinding his massive erection into me. "Look up."

I did as he said and moaned. In the reflective ceiling, I saw us; Carlisle's body draped over mine, his lips wrapped around my ear lobe. What a delicious sight. As I watched him, I felt the warm sensation of his tongue flicking against my over heated skin.

"Do you like that…watching us together? _I_ like it, Bella." Gasping his name, I snaked both hands into his silky pale gold hair.

My head lulled to the side to grant him more access as he expressed just how much he like it. Visions of his grip on me, my leg curved around as his worked his hips into me surrounded us on all sides. I never had a chance to fight the rush of raw desire that flooded my every sense—sight, smell, taste, feel, they were all Carlisle.

He growled at my moan, the sound vibrating against my throat. I adored that sound! That feeling, that rumbling…Mon Deiu! Lips nipping and sucking, his hands left my hips, travelling up my waist to my ribs. His thumbs brushed the sides of my breast and my nipples tingled and tightened at even the slightest hint of him. Shivering with pleasure I let him pin my hands above my head roughly as thoughts raced through my head.

We had sixteen floors to go; would he take me in the lift? I secretly hopped he would. Perhaps it wasn't such a secret as I thought because I caught his reflection's gaze. Carlisle pulled back to look me in the face, his strong hips pinning me as effectively as his iron grip, a slow smirk curving his full lips.

"I've always found the idea of sex in lift quite erotic." Carlisle told me, his voice husky and thick. I opened my mouth to mention to him that we could get caught—the possibility of that adding to the heat between my legs—but the lift stopped with a jerk and doors opened with a ding and there stood the prudish women with a poodle from the fifth floor.

Merde! I cursed under my breath and untangled myself from Carlisle's body, blushing furiously as I tried to smooth out my clothes. She cast her judgmental eye on the pair of us, as did her stupid froufrou dog. Carlisle merely smiled his hair a mess, shirt askew and lips swollen, and nodded politely.

"Mon dieu! Chacun a une compulsion sexuelle de nos jours!" She simpered, her beak like nose in the air.

Blushing even deeper, I prickled at her sex addiction slight but reminded quiet. Carlisle however, did not. "Quand vous l'avez pour une amie, oui."

She gasped in indignation and went to stand as close to the door as possible attempting to be above such scandal but in her prudish huff she smashed her rather large nose against the door. Her powder puff dog snarled at me and behind her back Carlisle and I smothered laughter like children at Sunday mass. When she got off on the twelfth floor, our laughter was barely muffled by the closing doors.

"We always get interrupted." He murmured into my neck, his hands taking their place back on my hips, bags still on the floor.

"When you make out in a public place it's bound to happen," I laughed. "But that was fun."

"Yes, it was. I only wish we had time to explore this sexual addiction of mine." Even with my eyes closed, I could see his wicked smirk.

"We have all night, Carlisle."

He hummed against my neck and nodded.

On the sixteenth floor, outside my door he kissed me once more, this time with less lust and more care, and when his lips left mine he promised to be back later. As I watched his smile disappear behind the brass door, I felt no flicker of fear. I knew he would come back and when he did, I resolved to tell him how I felt, interruptions, and sexy professors be damned!

I had waited long enough.

xXXx

After putting my things away I changed into and old t-shirt and my painting pants—once my favorite pair of skinny jeans that I made the mistake of painting in once and now they were covered in a smattering of oils and ink. I wandered into my studio, a painting already taking form. With my mind, and body for that matter, being so wrapped up in Carlisle too much time had passed since I had put brush to canvas.

Shameful, I thought to myself as I set to capture a golden haired man sitting at a moonlit table in Cucuron. When I had looked over at his face that night, I knew I'd recreate the moment so that I could gaze at it whenever I wanted. His hair looked silvery in the moonlight and the expression on his face was one I wasn't going to forget soon.

Reflective stars were beginning to shimmer on L'etang when my doorbell rung. Quickly whipping my hands on a rag I went to answer the door, calling out to whomever it was that I was coming. Still they knocked, as if they hadn't heard me. In my rush to stop the inferno knocking, I walked right into the doors dividing my studio from my living room.

Damn doors.

"Jesus, I'm coming. Keep your damn pants on!" I shouted, wincing slightly while rubbing my forehead. One glance through the peephole and I sighed—here comes the scolding. I opened the door and there stood my father, looking rather uncomfortable with violet tulips in one hand. I greeted him awkwardly and invited him in.

"Here Bella, these are for you." Charlie told me as he pushed them into my stained hands.

"Ahh…thanks dad," I said, again awkwardly before closing the door. "You didn't have to get me flowers dad, I don't need—"

"Bella, I did. Nothing says sorry like tulips…at least that's what I've been told." He leaned back on one of the chairs but didn't sit and I don't think he was inclined to sit either. I motioned for him to come with me to the kitchen so I could put the flowers in water. The kitchen, talking always felt easier in that room for some reason.

"So dad," I started, peeking up at him from the counter, "what would these flowers be apologizing for?"

He frowned deeply and I noticed that he looked much older than I remembered; wrinkles etched around his mouth, and more salt than pepper in his wavy hair and mustache. When had my father aged behind my back? "You know what they're for mon Coeur ."

I nodded and went back to the task at hand, arranging the fragrant apology in the silence that stretched between us. I wasn't sure flowers were enough; he had been freezing me out, his own daughter. How could he claim that I was all he had left yet in the same breath make me feel as if a choice of the heart would cost me my father?

"You've been painting…its beautiful Ducky." I smiled faintly as I put the vase with the tulips on the counter. He had been saying that same thing of my art since I was six. I turned to face him and found that he was over by the easel wearing a frown, again. It was obvious who the blonde man was, and it was even more obvious how he felt about said man.

"Why him, Bella?"

Blunt as ever, dad.

"I love him dad," I told him with conviction. He didn't look away from the partly completed painting but nodded absently.

"I don't like it." I opened my mouth to argue but he stopped me, "Let me finish Bella. I don't like it, but it's your life and I can't do a thing about the _people_ you spend your time with. Does he make you happy Bella?"

"Yes, the happiest I've ever been. Nice lemon face dad! You don't have to look at me that way; I know how you feel about us."

Charlie sighed and sat down on the stool, facing me. "Bella, it's the hiding, the lying that I completely disagree with. My daughter shouldn't be kept a secret, nor should she lie to me—that's twice already. Don't get me wrong, I don't love that he's _so_ much older than you are but I could to get used to it. I could try to…live with it…in time. But Bella…there are so many reasons not to continue this affair—"

"Relationship" I corrected tersely.

"Fine, _relationship_. He has a life away from here; this is like a holiday with pay for him. Is he willing to give that life up for you Isabella? You love him, but does he love you? This is more than a fling to you but is it to him? He's your professor and no matter what you two do together, he's still in the position to walk away because of his career. Can you justify all of it—the lying, the hiding, the secrets, the authority he has over you, because you love him? What if someone finds out?"

"I didn't know who he was when we met." I mumbled looking down at my counter but a choking sound made me looked up. The look that passed over Charlie's face was fraught with understanding that his only daughter had had sex with a man _without_ learning his name first. He had a hard time accepting I even had sex at all so random sex wasn't any easier. I quickly moved from that topic before he could rage on about how irresponsible I had been. "I love him, maybe that doesn't mean much to you but it means everything to me. I love him, so yes, I can justify _everything_."

"Where do you draw the line to the justifications Isabella? Aren't you contradicting yourself honey, you want me to stop loving your mother for what she did, but isn't she allowed the same justification you give Carlisle?"

"She abandoned us! She made a fool of you. Carlisle hasn't done anything like that."

"Yet." He whispered softly.

I deliberately took a calming breath, clamping my mouth shut as to not say anything I would regret later. Charlie, sensing my anger, started again. "That was harsh and I'm sorry. I didn't come here to argue Bella, but you needed to know that what you feel for Carlisle…is what I feel for your mother."

I let his words sink in with much discomfort. That depth of love for a bitch that almost killed your child with her wild ways, abandoned you and your week old baby, and then continued to hurt you Monday through Saturday and twice on Sunday. Could I forgive such transgression from Carlisle and still feel the love I felt for him now? I couldn't be sure.

Perhaps my father was a better person than I was—Saint Charlie.

"Do you like being kept a secret Isabella?" My shoulders hunched in defeat; I hated it. "That's what I thought. Hiding and keeping secrets doesn't bode well for relationships, honey and I…I know how it feels."

"Dad…I don't understand." I didn't understand the look in my father eyes or his demeanor. As far as I knew my mother had flaunted young Charlie like a new toy, until she got tired of him of course.

"Bella," he sighed, scrubbing his face roughly, "I want you to be careful, go slow, please. Think about what you're doing with this man and if he's worth the pain. It's my job to be protective of you and I won't always be here to kill the men that hurt you."

"How do you know he's going to hurt me dad, you don't even know him. He's a good man, Charlie"

"Perhaps, he is but in the event that he isn't Bella, a professor on loan from an American University turning up dead would be difficult to brush under the rug…even for me."

I thought about Jake and the relationship with the Black clan my father had always treasured and wondered if he had cut ties after learning the truth but said nothing. I promised I'd be careful and he started for the door. Quickly I followed, slightly surprised by how Charlie was acting. At the door Charlie leaned down and kissed my forehead, whispering an apology before walking out and into the lift.

Where I couldn't say that my father and I were fixed, I could at least say that we were mending. Or at least trying to mend. I had no clue why my father hated the idea of Carlisle and I so much but at least he apologized.

Baby steps.

As the day wore on I painted, amused myself with looking over the poems I would be tested on, checking my phone every minute for a text from a certain blue eyed man. But he didn't text or call, and while normally I would have thought it odd to not receive a tiny text from him throughout the day, I shrugged it off figuring that he was simply swamped with work.

When the afternoon sun began to dip lower in the sky, I studied the painting and decided that like all art it wasn't finish. It needed to be perfected but for now, it was a lovely reminder of our date.

I showered, savouring the hot water on my skin and regretted not having Carlisle behind me, washing my back. Sighing I turned off the water and dried off before slipping into Carlisle's sweater and some undies. I hopped on the bed to check the dozens of text messages I was sure to have from Carlisle. Oddly enough, I had none. Concerned, I texted him and waited, and waited and waited. And then, yes, waited some more.

Could have something happened to him? My stomach dropped to my toes. Oh no, please be safe. With my heart in my throat, I called him, now pacing the length of my room. The phone rang so many times I was about to hang up and call again that I was a slightly started by his normally smooth voice answering with a gruff _Hello._

"Hi Carlisle, are you okay?" I fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater as I waited for him to answer. Through the phone, I heard him take a ragged breath and when he spoke his voice shook with each word.

"Isabella, I'm not feeling too well. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to take you out tonight."

"Carlisle, I could care less about going out. I'm sorry you're sick baby. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come over and take care of you? "

"No, I'll be fine. See you tomorrow… bon soir, Bella." I frowned; I didn't like the sound of him, his voice sounded raw.

"Are you sure, Carlisle? No one should be alone when they're sick." I grew more hopeful, slipping on some jeans and flats as the silence grew but he cleared his throat and said he was just going to sleep and that he didn't want me to get sick as well. I wished him a good night and hung up the phone feeling a little bummed that he was unwell.

The night was uneventful. With Alice in Provence until later in the week, Rose and Emmett engrossed in baby and wedding plans and my men occupied with their own affairs I was left to my own devices. After blur of Paul Newman and my favorite ale I went right to bed, and it was then that I realized just how big my bed was and how empty to felt without him there to fill it.

You can do this, Bella, its one night.

But of course, I had trouble sleeping without Carlisle. I tossed and turned as the hum from the lively city floated up through my open window. The weekend rain had chased away the threatening heat and left Paris with those crisp and cool spring nights I loved so much. At some point, I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I heard was The Hombres telling me to _Let it hang out._

Turning the music up I rushed to the closet and pulled out a pair of jeans and my favorite black David Bowie tank. Dressing quickly I slipped into my boots, fussed with my hair so it fell in a messy ponytail. After some tinted moisture and a swipe of mascara and eyeliner I grabbed my keys, my jacket and bag and locked the door behind me. Knocking firmly on Felix's door I waited for him to untangle himself from whichever _salope_ he had spent the night with. Felix had kindly ridden my bike back from Provence for me, not that it was exactly a sacrifice. He had been dying to take it out on a test drive since he first laid eyes on it. After what seemed like ages, I heard a grumble and a few choice curses before the door swung open.

"For what ungodly reason would you be waking me up at this hour, Bellar?" Felix growled, holding the sheets draped dangerously low on his hips.

"Morning to you too, Felix. I need my keys." He smirked and let the sheets fall an inch as he walked away to retrieve my keys from the bowl on a low masculine table. Shaking my head at his flirtatious antics I noticed that there was not one half-naked bimbo on his Persian rug but two half-naked bimbos.

"There's room for one more, love." He purred, dangling the keys just out of reach.

"No. Thank you. I don't know where you've been and I'm sure I don't want to know where they've been. I'm pretty happy with Carlisle. Keys please." I held out my hand tapping my boot on the floor.

He pouted playfully and handed over the keys with an invitation to join him if Carlisle didn't make good on his word.

I shrugged off his cryptic bait and rode the lift down to where my beloved Viggo was parked. With a roar and a purr, he started for me and I smiled a little smile as I hit the early morning Parisian streets. I loved my bike and it was satisfying to know that Carlisle enjoyed it as much as I did. When Sorbonne came into view, I felt a flicker of excitement in the pit of my stomach; today was the last day Carlisle and I would have to pretend to be nothing more than student and instructor.

Parking I made my way to the kiosk and bought a coffee and a muffin; the coffee for me and the muffin for Carlisle. Smiling I made my way to his office, knowing that he would be there despite the early hour. When I got to the heavy wood door, I found it filled by a half hearted smiling Carlisle and a man I only knew of, Dr. Alistair.

"Well, if you're absolutely sure Carlisle, old boy." The older, but still attractive man muttered somewhat putout, clapping Carlisle on the back.

"I'm sure Alistair," Carlisle answered in the same voice I heard last night; shaking and raw. My heart stuttered at the sight of him. His eyes were bleary and shadowed, his hair wasn't its neat and orderly self and his jaw was still shadowed with golden hair from days of neglecting his razor. "Thank you for taking the time to speak with me—Miss Swan was there something you needed?"

I flushed when I noticed I had just stopped in the middle of the hall to gape at them. Luckily, I recovered and wished them both a good morning and made up something about a question about the final. Alistair looked me over shrewdly and then at Carlisle and without a word he walked away, muttering about French women and the "silly blokes" the fell for them. Carlisle sighed and motioned to his office asking me to close the door behind me.

"What do you want, Isabella? I'm busy at the moment…so make it quick." He let out as soon as my ass landed in the stiff chair.

I was a little taken aback by his brusque tone but swept it aside, figuring that he was one of those pissy sick people. I put the muffin down on his desk. "I brought you this, your favorite. I wanted to see how you were feeling Carlisle but obviously, you still feel sick. Why didn't you call me? I would have come over and taken care of you."

For a moment his eyes bore into mine I could swear they filled with tears before he looked away. "Carlisle, are you—"

"I'm fine." He answered quickly, clearing his throat and fixing a strange cool gaze on my face. "Just a bit tired, I didn't sleep well. Now, I have a few things to look over so…can you leave."

"Sure…I'll just go a-and let..you get to work." Confused and to be honest, hurt by his brush off I rose to leave I was at the door when he cleared his throat again.

"Your jacket Miss Swan," he nodded to the blue leather jacket still in the chair.

Miss Swan?

No one was around; he could get away with Isabella. Walking back over to retrieve it, I remembered I hadn't kissed him in a while and moved around the heavy desk to kiss his soft lips but, unlike the Carlisle I was used to, he pulled away.

"I don't want you to get sick too." He voice was stiff, even stiffer than his posture but a hint of softness remained in his eyes.

"Silly man," I whispered, brushing hair off his forehead before moving down to caress his stubble covered cheek. "I don't care about that, we can be sick together."

I kissed him, just a soft brush of my lips to his and waited for him to respond as he always did but again, he didn't. Instead, Carlisle sat stoic and stone cold as if I was a stranger or worse, unwanted.

Whispering an apology, I left, willing myself not to cry. An awful foreboding feeling began to bloom in my stomach and as I walked to class, it flourished and took hold of every thought.

Carlisle was changed, different, cold. He was detached from me in a way I had not seen since…Dread rushed through my veins as I recalled a Carlisle from my very first visit to this office.

xXXx

As I waited outside his locked and dark office my thoughts threaten to drown me, higher and higher they rose until I felt the air close in around me. I had waited the reminding hour after Carlisle so kindly kicked me out of his office in the classroom, never acknowledging my fellow students as they walked. I searched my mind for any indication of what had happened to him, to my Carlisle. I hardly heard Colette holding court with her friends about how she spent her weekend with the professor. When Carlisle walked in the only thing that had changed from earlier was the state of his hair.

I focused on the final, where I was sure I'd do well. I knew it wasn't half as brilliant as I would have done had I not been sneaking peeks at him between questions.

He spent the time chained to his desk looking out on us, me, like children ready to misbehave. Twice we meet eyes and twice he looked away hastily with a scowl on his handsome face. After finishing my exam, I walked to his desk on uncertain legs and gingerly placed it on his desk. He seemed too engrossed with his book to look me in the face when he demanded that I met him at his office half an hour after class. Prior to this morning I would have seen this as a friendly invitation but his clipped words offered no reassurance, instead they gave wings to my deepest fear. A fear I had been fighting against since the beginning.

_He promised Bella, he promised._

People break promises, all the time.

_You trust him Bella. You trust his words, don't lose faith now. Maybe he had a rough morning._

I don't think so.

I waited and battled with myself the entire time.

The tap of expensive shoes on the marble pulled me from my internal conversation. At the end of the hall, Carlisle was walking with his head down. The halls were deserted, not a single student or professor lurked, we were alone but he didn't acknowledge me as he strode past the bank of seats outside his office and unlocked the door. Leaving the door thrown wide he walked in and soon after I could hear the distinct din of papers and personal effect being packed away. I swallowed and gathered my courage as I approached the door, knocking lightly on the glass.

"Come in and close the door behind you."

Again with clipped sentences and tones.

Doing as he said I sat in the chair and watched as he put his personal things in a box with an air of finality; a framed picture of Nikki and Jackson, his Liverpool mug, his books and papers. He tossed rubbish in the waste basket, tearing useless papers in two before discarding them as well. I thought I could see a hint of an uneaten blueberry muffin in the bin but more papers joined the others and I couldn't be sure. If his actions weren't telling enough his face was.

He wasn't staying at Sorbonne, I knew it then.

"Are you going to say something Carlisle or did you demand my presence to watch you pack?"

His hands stilled and he sat in his chair silently for a few moments before he looked at me. When he I did I felt instant pain, he was looking at me from the face of another man. His demeanor was glacial, detached and clinically professional. I saw no love; none of the affection that touched his features only yesterday was present today nor could I find a trace of it. And when he spoke my deepest fear was confirmed. He was leaving me, just like I had thought, feared, and begged him not to.

Just like he had sworn never to do.

But the thing was that somewhere along the way I stopped being certain he would leave. I had put every ounce of trust in him and his vow. My new certainty was that he was being unequivocally honest with me when he said he wanted me. And now? Was it all a lie?

The kisses, the intimate moments, the whispered words, and the emotion he shared with me? Lies? Was it possible that the man I trusted never to make a fool of me had fooled me?

"I'm leaving." The statement hung in the air like poison, chocking the life out of me. "Isabella, I don't belong here, I have a life in Chicago and I need to get back to it. I'm sorry if I lead you to believe that I could make my life here but it is…impossible. What we had, Isabella, I will always remember but it is for the best that we separate now before we become anymore…serious. "

I stared at him while he delivered his speech with all the perfection of politician, inflections in the right places but devoid of any sincere emotion. How could he be this way with me? What had changed? "More serious…than Sunday, Carlisle?"

That night was different. We both knew it when we woke hours later. It was confirmation, pure as the driven snow that we were made for each other. Not two people but two halves that had finally found the missing piece. Two incomplete people that had found what they always knew was missing but never thought they'd find.

"Doctor Cullen, Miss Swan." He corrected.

I whispered both names, my throat tightening. He had distanced himself with that correction, made it clear that the informality, the level of ease between the two of us was gone. Miss Swan. I was nothing more than that impersonal name. Not Love or Baby or Bella or anything…

"Listen, I won't sit here and tell you that this isn't difficult to do but, all things come to an end whether we want them to or not and…"

"You're ending it." I whispered again. A fire was burning in my throat and the tears were becoming harder and harder to fight.

"Yes." He straightened his sleeves in utter boredom as if he wasn't breaking my heart with his monosyllable word.

"Why? You…Please don't… don't do this." You promised. You promised. I chanted over in my mind, my eyes filling with tears, blurring his stone expression further.

If he spoke I didn't hear him. My world was spinning like Leo's top in Inception, forever spinning in a dream world. Was this a dream? If so, where was my kick? I wanted out of this hell. Please let this be a dream!

"I think I've said all I have to say so…if you would please." He stood motioning to the door with one graceful hand, the same hand that had touched me so many times. That hand had held my mine in his as we shared meals and private stories, dreams, hopes, fears.

This couldn't be happening.

In my haze he gathered his things and walked to the door, his coat draped over one arm, his briefcase piled on top of the box in his hands.

He was leaving.

"Carlisle, wait!" I called, hoping to catch him but he was already out the door. Quickly I raced after him, finding him not too far from his office.

"Wait please." His steps faltered and for a moment, I thought he would keep walking but he stopped. Under ideal circumstances, I would have loved to see his face but he didn't seem keen on turning to face me. He stood stalled, back ramrod straight in the middle of a Sorbonne hall waiting for me to say whatever it was that I needed to say. "I love you. Please don't do this."

Silence followed my profession of love and the only indication that he had heard me was a new tension between his shoulders. He didn't turn.

"Carlisle, please…I love you. I have loved you all this time, please. Don't do this."

With that last bit of me dignity he walked away from me. I stood there rooted on the spot, unable to process what had just happened. I told him and…he walked away.

My heart was in tatters, my lungs refused to function properly and yet, in the sea of pain I knew I was in…I felt slightly numb, like any moment I'd be jolted awake and find Carlisle holding me securely to his chest. In that same state I mounted my bike, jacket, bag and helmet in place and rode through the streets that just a few hours ago filled me with hope. I parked in the same spot as always, went into the lobby, and rode the lift sixteen stories…numb. Vaguely I heard someone calling my name but blood was rushing in my ears.

My apartment was just the way I had left it—empty. It hit me fully then and there, standing just inside the threshold.

Carlisle was gone.

He left me.

He didn't love me.

A pain unlike anything I had ever known erupted. There was no mercy, no numb feeling, just agony, sharp and debilitating. Without a second thought I rushed to my studio to rummage for my sketch book and when my fingers found it's leather cover I began to rip every drawing I had made of him.

I tore the paper into tiny pieces as if hoping that it would ease the heartbreak I was feeling. But it wasn't enough. Through the stream of tears falling down my face I saw the painting, the still damp memory of the love I held for a man that felt none for me.

It needed to go.

Picking up the pallet knife I stood there, frozen, heart beating despite its mangled state. The oils spoke of love, of devotion, of a connection I had been so certain of. It was a sham, a beautiful one but a sham none the less. How stupid and naive I was to think that I was more than just sex to him.

It was all a lie, one spoken through the lips of an eloquent man. A lie I foolishly believed.

I wanted to take the knife to the painting but I couldn't. I was torn between ripping the evidence of my stupidity and wanting to preserve the ignorant bliss. Once. Twice I tried but…I couldn't. How could love hurt this much?

"Bellar, love." A familiar British voice called softly from behind me. "What's wrong, kitten?"

Everything was wrong. Carlisle left me.

I felt him take the pallet knife out of my hands and take me into his arms, encouraging me to let it out. I heard other voices but I couldn't make them out over my sobbing.

He left.

"Bellar, what happened?" Felix asked, smoothing a hand down my back soothingly.

"Carlisle…he…left." I cried.

Somehow saying it out loud hurt worse.


	28. It Hurts Me Too

**A/N: Wow! I'm flattered, astounded and shocked by the response to the last chapter! Thank you all so very much for reading, reviewing, and most of all for sticking with me.**

**I'd like to thank my two betas...you girls are wonderful. Marissa, thank you for editing my chapter though the crazy weather you're being pelted with. Hope you are staying warm and toasty. Kay, babe, I'll stop being "prissy". But on a personal note, you know how much I value your opinion on just about everything, that's why I get "prissy" about the chapters I send you.*lots of kisses* **

**On to the chapter. Enjoy and see you at the bottom.**

* * *

CPOV

"_I love you. Please don't do this."_

Each step away from her hurt me, more than the look on her face when I refused to use her name or let her use mine. The pain I saw within her at that moment made my chest ache. She looked stunned and betrayed. And then she had said three of the most evocative words in the English language, words I had longed to hear from her lips. I could do nothing; I stood frozen in silent shame. I didn't dare turn to face lest she see the heartbreak on my face, lest my mask of indifference slip. I wanted to return those words to her more than I desired my next breath, to take her in my arms and show her that I felt the same way. I adored her and saw only a life of darkness without Isabella.

How was I to endure the knowledge that she loved me irrevocably and still leave?

I considered staying, damning it all to hell. I saw our life; an endless string of candle lit evenings, sun drenched mornings in each other's arms, infinite hours of making love, a wedding, a child…or two, a home, bliss. But how much of that was possible if those photos got out? How much resentment would she harbor towards me if I _allowed _them to surface?

Doing the right thing is never easy.

As I walked away from her, my beautiful Bella, the only sounds that echoed off the empty hall were my footfalls and her whispering repeatedly that she loved me.

She loved me and I said nothing. I had destroyed every chance of happiness with her, yet I saved Bella from humiliation, shame, judgment…why didn't I feel better? Why didn't I feel noble? Shouldn't I feel noble, at the very least?

"Un autre, monsieur ?"

I looked up at the man and nodded, vaguely pondering how many I could have before I'd have to stop. I had ordered Bella a drink from this man many moons ago. I had watched her from this stool, gleaned information about her from this long haired barkeep and I had, perhaps, fallen in love with her that very night. My eyes filled with tears and I did nothing to stem the flow. It was now dark outside, hours and hours since I had done the very thing I promised most vehemently never to do.

I got no pleasure in doing it, no satisfaction in watching her study me as if she was seeing me for the first time. She didn't like the man she saw. I felt sick at the thought of her broken heart, her broken trust at my hand. She had not given faith willingly, and now, I knew why.

I was a feeble vessel to pour trust into.

Alec set my drink in front of me, wiping up the bar, eyeing me nervously in case I decided to bend his ear to my troubles. He needn't worry, this wasn't that type of pub and I wasn't that type of bloke but I wasn't going to pretend all was right in the world, that Paris wasn't drained of its glamour.

I took a generous swig of the gin and tonic relishing the burn. I looked over at the table I had first caught sight of her and found two blonde women, smiling and waving in my direction. I turned around in annoyance. I preferred brunettes, one in particular.

I felt someone sit and greet me but I made no move to be friendly, I was hardly feeling friendly. Isn't it the sole purpose of sitting at the bar to let people know that you wanted to be left alone? He (I assumed he was a _he_ by the massive form in my peripheral.) shifted against me and leaned towards me as if to strike up a conversation. Always a man with a story to tell—I was in no mood for this kind of crap.

"What are you doing, Carlisle?" I sighed and took another drink, not bothering to look at him. I should have known.

"Good evening Emmett." Alec came over and asked Emmett what he'd like but Emmett didn't respond. I could sense his confusion and decided to help, "He asked what you would like to drink Emm. You should learn French, it would be prudent."

Emmett declined the drink and asked, yet again, the most obvious of questions. So I gave him the obvious answer: Drinking, or in other words, gin soaking my sorrows.

"I can see you're drinking Carlisle, I'm asking about Bella," I winced at the sound of her name but he didn't comment, "and why she came home looking like someone had died? What the fuck Carlisle? I thought you said you were staying…What changed?"

"A lot of things changed Emmett." I answered through tight lips. I tried, and failed, to not imagine her crying and in pain. Unable to stomach the sight of her tear stained and sobbing I took another drink, finishing it much quicker than I had the others. Fuck, they go fast, these damn drinks.

"That's it; this is how you're going to leave things? Do you love her at all Carlisle?"

"Of course I do, Emmett!" I snapped. "What are you doing here anyway, where are the twins?"

"Don't worry about where they are. You're lucky I'm the one here and not Alice, or Felix or Charlie, hell! You're lucky Rosie isn't here. I vouched for you, after the shit at the party I went and talked to Charlie, I told him you were a good man that loved and wanted the very best for his daughter. What the fuck are you doing? "

"I didn't ask you to do any of that Emmett." I signaled Alec for another but Emmett slapped my hand down. I turned in my stool to face, asking what the hell that was for.

"I think you're done, Carlisle."

"Emmett, unlike you I can handle my liquor quite well but you're right…I'm done." I threw down some money on the bar and walked out.

I didn't need my younger, happily settled and three times blessed cousin demanding explanations, reasoning from me. He wouldn't understand. How could he?

His life was uncomplicated and free of obstacles.

The brisk night air cleared envious thoughts of him and his lovely life and made space for her. Bella, her soft wavy hair on my chest as she slept…her voice telling me the simplest of things—I already missed it, already I mourned the life I wouldn't have with her. Was I bound to feel so utterly empty for the rest of my days?

Emmett caught up with me, but wisely stayed quiet as we walked. On and on I walked as if somehow the accumulating blocks would stave off the pain I felt. It was most certainly midnight but I wanted to walk the streets of Paris as long as I could. I would miss this place and every memory it held, the woman it had brought me.

Emmett put his hand on my arm, stopping me mid-stride, "So, you're leaving, all of us?"

I looked at his face and realized it wasn't just Bella I was walking away from. Though she was the one who would feel my absence more sharply than the others would, all of my family resided in ol' Paris.

"What about Nikki and Jackson and new baby? What about Jasper and Alice? What about the family you just got back? The friend you found again. And Bella, you love her, we all know it—so why do this to her and yourself? Why, damn it? Do you have any clue what you've done?"

"Emmett, I know what I've done." I whispered sadly.

"Do you or is this you reverting Carlisle? Running from fears is counterproductive, destructive…you know this. Your past made you who you are today but it does not dictate the man you must be tomorrow. There are no answers in you past Carlisle. Don't run from her!"

"Fuck you Emmett, I'm not running scared. Don't psycho-analyze me with this bullshit about fear! Those sessions aren't supposed to be kept as ammunition whenever you feel I'm making the wrong choice. What happened to "there are no wrong choices Carlisle, just learning experiences"? Can't swallow the crap you spew? For once look at me for who I am and not as the man on your couch. You don't know why I'm leavening. You think I want to?"

"If you don't want to leave, then why are you, Carlisle? No one is forcing you. You and you alone have the choice to leave."

His words were not what I had been expecting. There was not a drop of malice retaliation for my attack on his profession but reason filled the spaces between words. He was my family, whether in blood or not, he was my family and he had come to find me, stop me, not simply for Isabella but for the family.

"I don't have a choice."

"You always have a choice, Carlisle. You mean the world to us Carlisle," he whispered. "You're like my brother."

"I'll visit you guys, I'll come back..."

Even I knew the promise was hollow. How could I visit this place again? It was tainted with agony and memories of one I had hurt. My Bella.

"You won't…you'll send cards and toys and call us but you won't come back, Carlisle. I want to know what happened to you, what made you change your mind."

I hailed a cab, one of the many that were swarming around to whisk off drunks and tourists. Once it stopped, I opened the door but I didn't get in right away. Emmett stood there waiting, in his jeans and sweater he looked as devastated as Bella had. He had the same desperate expression she gave me at Sorbonne. I chocked on my words a couple of times before I could get them out.

"Emmett, I hardly know what happened…but it's for the best, trust me. Give…the kids a kiss for me, please."

He nodded stiffly. "You're going to regret this Carlisle; everyday…you're going to regret leaving her."

Without giving me a chance to respond he turned around and walked back to where I assumed his car was. Climbing in the cab I murmured the address and looked down at my lap. Suddenly I felt tired to the point of exhaustion, emotionally drained and heart sick. I already did regret it, but I couldn't go back.

The next morning I woke and felt the impact of what I had done to myself. It settled like a stone in my stomach. The sheets were cold and empty; the flat was silent and painted with the dull grayness of the day's weather. In the naked kitchen there was no coffee or beautiful girl waiting for me with a smile. No one wished me a good morning or asked about my plans for the day. I showered alone, picked at a blueberry muffin alone. I was once more, utterly alone, as nature had fated me.

At the eight sharp, the shipping company rapped to announce their arrival. Whatever scant personal belonging I had brought with me were packed away and put on dollies to be carted away and shipped home. Signing the form, my address mocked me from the page and when the man, whose name I could care less to retain, asked me if I enjoyed his country I merely nodded, unable to speak due to the lump lodged in my throat. He left me with a curious smirk and disappeared down the stairs. Much like me, the flat stood bare, stripped, and empty of any purpose. Only a coffee colored leather bag lay as proof by the door that someone had ever been here.

It was a depressing sight; sofas, chairs, tables, frames with art and generically filled book shelves, a television and drapes, everything an apartment should be, in theory at least but it was empty. It lacked heart and I knew that the same thing awaited me in Chicago.

As I stood there, on the side walk, bag slung across my shoulder and a coffee cup in my hand, I realized that my life in Chicago had always been empty. I had never noticed before, though it was in theory everything a life should be, it was empty. It was days rolling into the next filled with classes to teach and papers to grade, meetings to conduct and attend. I had friends and spent time with them but it was devoid of everything I had found within a short month. After the warmth, vibrancy, purpose and ardor I had felt with Isabella, the prospects of going back to living a half-life were dismal, gloomy and painful.

I hailed a cab and was unpleasantly surprised by the heavy stench of after-shave and vodka. Briefly, I considered getting another taxi but when he asked my destination, I had a bit of a brain wave. Instead of telling him to take me to the areoport, I directed him elsewhere.

"73 Rue de Dunkerque, s'il vous plait."

I wasn't ready to leave Europe just yet…

xXXx

"Mummy, this is where Harry Potter set the python on Dudley!" A little girl to my left exclaimed, undoubtedly tugging on her mum's arm. I could hear the indulgent tone in her mother's voice as she agreed that, in fact this was the famed reptile house. "Mummy, do you think I could talk to snakes?"

"If you could I'd be concerned Emily. Parseltongue is mark of a dark witch or wizard, which can only mean one thing…Slytherin."

"Mummy," the child laughed, "I'm like Harry, a Gryffindor; brave and daring!"

I turned just in time to see the mother and daughter walk away, hand in hand. I felt twin emotions, pain and joy— Isabella loved Harry Potter. I had seen all seven heroic tales of the scarred boy lined up on her bookshelves; set aside from other book as if far more special. A photo of her dressed in Scarlet and Gold _Quidditch _robes with a broom in on hand and a snitch in the other (Yes, I had read Harry Potter, though I did not have such an affinity for him.) one Halloween with a sparkling bewitched Alice showcased her love best. Such a sweet and innocent attraction she had to those books. The knot in the pit in the bottom of my stomach twisted and I attempted to curb my thoughts away from Bella—I was learning that it was virtually impossible.

On the Eurostar I found myself searching topics that had nothing to do with her but somehow they all lead back to her. Tiny things acted as breadcrumbs back to brown hair, lily-white skin, and wide fathomless doe eyes. _Coffee, I need coffee, _I thought to myself as I zipped away from France but she had coffee colored eyes and loved coffee. I thought of reading, a harmless book but of course, with her flat littered with books you can see why my thoughts flew back to the very elusive and stylish flat. Somehow, I got the brilliant idea to people watch the two hours or so to London but that was a horrendous mistake. It seems that when you are an empty shell in pain everyone is in love. Couples, holding hands and whispering sweet nothings, suffocated me. Sleep I knew from the night before would only paint pictures of our most intimate moments, Bella dissolving through my fingers with a tearful _I love you _left in the air. And now, as I had finally found something untouched that didn't remind me of the girl so many miles away, a stranger's carless remarks brought Bella's smiling face, bespectacled and proudly displaying her drawn lightning bolt scar to the forefront of my thoughts.

Bowing my head and leaning heavily on the railing I felt tears slid down my face, dripping off the end of my nose. How was I going to do this, everything reminded me of her one way or another? The desire to crawl back to France was becoming unbearable. I pictured her face, smiling not tearful and defeated as I has seen it last. With reverence, in my mind, I put a hand to her flushed cheek and kissed her lips once.

_Isabella, I love you. _

"You always did love the reptile house when we were kids. I never knew why exactly." My head jerked up suddenly at the sound of a most unexpected voice.

She looked different, aged but still quite beautiful. Her blonde hair hung long and straight as it always had, only now it was threaded with silver in places, her eyes were the same blue today as they were the day of my father's funeral but they held the lines of the years passed, as did her mouth. I gaped at her, a specter of a life I lived such a long time ago, confused as to how she even knew I was in England yet alone Regent Park Zoo.

"Close your mouth Carlisle, you look simple. And to answer the question so blatantly on your face, Felix told me you fled Paris, though he did put it more colorfully. I took a wild guess and, like always, I was right. Close your mouth…really, you look dim witted."

"Since when do you talk to Felix, Lizzie?"

She smiled sadly. "We became friends when you and dad left. I missed you and so did he," she shrugged and draped her arms on the railing, mirroring my position and fiddling with her wedding ring. "It gave us something to talk about. He didn't know where you and dad went either. I never thought picking mum would mean losing you or dad, for that matter."

"Yeah, I didn't either Lizzie, but divorce is like that."

"I suppose you're right. Why Chicago? It seems the most unpleasant of places. Mum thought the pair of you would wonder over to Scotland."

"I never asked him Lizzie, I simply followed."

I hadn't seen her in years, yet I felt no urge to embrace her, ask any question about her family or her life. I must be a terrible brother, but then again, she had made no move to question or embrace me, so perhaps we were one in the same. She had been my friend once, my very best friend whom I could trust with my deepest of secrets but things were different. We had grown apart so much we hardly knew how to precede after a few sentences. Unable to watch the sympathy in her eyes I turned towards the snakes again.

"Carlisle," she started, sounding much like my sister from my childhood. I braced myself. "You are the world's largest prat! How could you do that to yourself yet alone that poor girl? What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you completely lost all sense! When you find someone you love with all your heart and by some miracle of God loves you in the same fashion you fucking marry the girl, not leave her. You fucking git, I swear on all that it holy I'm going to kick you arse!"

Looking around at the hissing mothers and sniggering children I threw her a reproachful look. "They're children around Lizzie, care to lower you voice a touch."

"It's not like their parents don't say those words, they'll live. Tell me why Carlisle, why would you ruin your happiness and hers this way? "

"I had to Liz."

"What the fuck type of answer is that?"

I sighed and suggested we take our conversation outside. Once we found a little bench far from young ears she rounded on me again, in the same why she always had.

"Felix tells me that you were disgustingly in love with this girl—I'll forgive her for being French because she must be extraordinary to cause such a fuss—"

"She truly is extraordinary." I interjected, leaning over my knees.

"So, if she is _so_ extraordinary and you both love each other, what is the bloody problem? Is the girl a bad shag or something?"

I laughed despite the dread of having to recount the truth of my flight to my sister. "No, Lizzie. Isabella was…together we…it was always…"

"Oh, well, that clears up everything."

"The shagging was fucking great, are you happy? The truth is very complicated, Liz."

"So uncomplicated it for me, I have time." When I didn't dive into to explanations she knocked her knee against mine urging me on. I didn't know where to start, luckily she did. "So, you're an accomplished professor and writer now…and you were in Paris to teach, right? So how did you and the lovely Isabella meet?"

"At a pub, Sir Wiston's," I croaked, recalling the moment I set eyes on her.

"And…come on Carlisle."

"I was her professor, I didn't know that before or else I would have stayed away from her but I couldn't afterwards. I was pulled to her, she was different and interesting and intelligent. And talented Lizzie, she paints beautifully." With the mention of her painting came a pang in my chest as I remembered the painting I bought. "We began a relationship, in secret of course but it felt so natural to be with her, alone in our own world that I didn't care about the hiding so much. It was the only way I could still be with her, so we did it. God, Lizzie, I never…I never expected to fall so deeply in love with her but it happened and that's where everything went…everything went wrong."

"Carlisle," she put her hand on my back, the tone of interrogation replaced with sisterly concern. "What happened?"

"Her father despises me, and I started trouble for her at her company. And then there was Jacob, her bastard ex, following her around threatening her and bruising _my Isabella_ and then the pictures…Jane and the fucking pictures they took of us. Private photos of her and I together…." I trailed off, hanging my head unable to continue talking about the catalyst for this separation, for this unyielding ache.

"Carlisle, can you repeat that so I can understand it, what about these pictures?"

I'm not certain how long we sat there, my shoulders and voice shaking as I recounted the story of my blackmail and how I had left Isabella with the false notion that she meant so little to me that she could be tossed aside like useless rubbish to my sister. From time to time, I had to stop and Lizzie simply waited, silently offering me comfort much as she had when I was five and our dog, Fox, died. I told her about my dreams of Isabella pregnant and glowing with my child, how I knew that I loved her differently than I had loved Esme. Sobbing I admitted that until Isabella I had never considered fatherhood to be in my future and now it was unlikely that it ever would. After losing my baby boy, the desire had vanished, but with her old desires, dreams, hopes, woke within me. When I finished my sister stayed silent but her hand never left my back. When I looked up at her, I saw that she too was crying.

"I'm so sorry Carlisle, but you are so stupid. Men, such moronic creatures you all are."

"What?"

"Didn't you consider that you didn't have to leave her? You could have let the cow have the job and stay with her. Are you telling me that you aren't capable of finding another teaching job? It's quite tragic that all this was done for nothing Carlisle."

"What do you mean _done for nothing_?" It was then that I noticed Liz had something in her hand, even if she was trying to hide it. "Elizabeth Mary Cullen, what is that?"

"Your niece has been in Paris since June and…she brought this home with her. She must have been on the Eurostar with you. I really didn't want to be the one to show this to you but…I reckon you ought to know."

With an air of resigned duty she handed me a rolled up magazine and when I unfurled its pages my anger and blood pressure shot through the roof.

Every photo I had been shown, and some I had not seen were plastered on both the cover of the blasted ICI Pairs and over three pages of a full story on Isabella and Le Prof Cullen's secret affair. My body was vibrating with anger. I began plotting the ways I was going to slaughter Jacob Black, because this had his greasy name written on it. Combating my murderous thoughts was Isabella's reaction. Would she begin to hyperventilate, cry and zip off to Aix like she had the first time, ashamed to be mentioned in the same breath as her mother or would there be only rage in her heart that I had not only abandoned her but also failed her in the end, completely. I felt my heart drop to the soles of my shoes at the thought, I had tried so hard to keep her safe—yet, somehow I still failed.

"Come on, I had Lydia make shepherd's pie for you." Lizzie sighed, sensing my thoughts. She ripped the fifthly rag from my hands and tossed it in the bin claiming that it was no use reading garbage. "Where are your bags?"

I held up my carry on.

"Is that it, where's the rest of your things?"

"On the way home Lizzie."

"Well, you're staying with me for a bit. I haven't seen my baby brother in ages and you're not getting away just yet. "

The next three days it rained true to London fashion while I got reacquainted with my sister and met barrister she married—no grand thrill in the latter, he had a stick in his arse. Her children, Michael and Leah, were older than Isabella was and nice enough considering they had never met me and thank God that they resembled my sister because the prick of her husband was not an attractive sight. On the whole, I felt very much on the outside of their little family, Leah was working as a journalist in Paris and Michael was following in his priggish father's footsteps. But Elizabeth kept me company, talking about her life since I had last seen her, her bookshop around the corner and my book, which she had read and stocked at her shop. Truth be told I was slightly embarrassed that my sister had read it. But she seemed to enjoy it and made no mention of the explicit sex. It was a worthy distraction from my own pain and on the fourth day Lizzie drove me to Heathrow with a mulish expression that did not suit her face.

"You could always go back to her, Carlisle. The damage is already done, why stay away?" She insisted as my plane began to board.

"I can't Lizzie."

"Why? You love her and eventually you will decide to go back but it might be too late then, Carlisle. Please listen to me, take my advice this once, Carlisle."

Overhead they announced the final rows to board and I hugged my sister one last time, kissed her cheek and promised to call when I landed. Once in my seat, I looked out the window towards Paris and thought of Isabella until we took off. As Paris grew further and further away I held on to her even tighter and when it was gone, I closed my eyes and pictured her beside me, in bed, her head resting on my chest as she slept peacefully.

_I love you Isabella and I hope you can forgive me._

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**A/N: Don't hate me; I know some of you thought he'd be unable to leave. Let me know what you think, even if you want to throw rocks at me...I'm looking at you BookwormBaby2580. (:**


	29. Chez Sylvain

**A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you. A million thank yous from me to all you lovely people. Here is some vindication and revenge. Thank you Marissa for being so quick with this chapter, you did a lovely job. Also check out Twificvagabond(dot)blogspot(dot)com, April in Paris is the story of the month…exciting huh? (=**

**This chapter has been difficult to write because my laptop, Emily, is sick and being fixed. I would have had this to you guys much sooner if not for this tiny snag.**

**Enjoy and Chez Sylvain is a real bar in France...Just a little FYI. **

**See you at the bottom.**

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FPOV

I'm happy with my lot in life, I always have been. To some, my life might seem like a forty-one year bought of luck and perhaps there's something in that. Things come easy to me, brilliance, friendship, skill, work, and women. Ah, always have I had a way with the women. They love me and I love fucking them. Sex has always come easy to me as well, I'm a great fuck, had been since I popped the cherry. I suppose I was born gifted. But my fate, luck, gifts, what have you, in no way meant that I did not earn my winnings. Blood, sweat, liquor and tenacity have made me the man, the lawyer I am. And this case, this enormously personal case was no exception to that.

"Mother Fucker…" I could hardly believe my fucking eyes.

"Monsieur 'ammen, is everything alright?" Lynee, my assistant, asked from the door nonplussed by my foul mouth—she was accustom to my grating experlatives. I shook my head absently still focused on the papers I held in my hands.

"Yes, fine, Lynee…I'll call for you if I need anything."

"_Anything _Monsieur 'ammen, all you 'ave to do is ask. I am very good at following directions and…anticipating _needs_."

"I'm aware of your talents Lynee." Smirking I looked up at her and nodded back to her desk outside my office.

"Kicking me out so soon, pity," she sighed playfully and left, her hips swaying as she went.

I had come to enjoy this about her, she, like her country women, never failed to speak her mind. Lynee wasn't worth her paycheck. She was shit at coffee, tea, my schedule, and she answered the phone late nine times out of ten, but she was fucking brilliant to watch walk away.

I went back to work, reading carefully the documents again. This recent bit of information I obtained from M. Gainsbourg was the ace I, we needed. I had the bastards now; did they think they could pull the wool over my eyes with such coarse attempt? Did they not know who the fuck they were dealing with? I was fucking Felix E. Hammen of Green, Elson and Hammen, top grades in Cambridge and youngest partner in firm history, for fuck sakes. I should have to have my accolades posted somewhere.

_Your ego and dick are competing for top billing_ _Felix_, Alice had once told me. They were both top billing. Just to be clear, they are both top billing, equal in size. Ego was needed in law, and my ego was justified, there wasn't a case placed in my lap that I hadn't won and I wasn't going to break that streak now.

I called Gainsbourg and asked him to meet me and Isabella at Canard, only mildly bothered by his worshipful prattling. He promised to be at Canard early as to go over vital information with Isabellar and hung up, thankfully. The man was taxing, but valuable. Checking my watch, I was surprised to see that it was only ten in the morning. I got more done before noon than most people got done all fucking day, or all week.

Smiling, arrogantly I might add, I placed the second most important call of the morning and waited, knowing that I had these bastards by the nads.

"Canard, comment je peux vous aider?"

I groaned quietly and shifted in my seat, "Hello Teresa, love."

"Felix. It's nice to 'ear from you, finalement. 'Ow can I 'elp you?" Her voice was deep and seductive in my ear, my cock stirred at the memory of being _in _her. I made a note to meet up with her soon. She had been fantastic the last time. Idly, I wondered how she came to be so flexible.

"There are many ways you can help me love, but this is business, not pleasure." I chuckled at her disappointed sigh. "I'm calling on behalf of Miss Isabellar Marie Swan, CEO and sole owner of Canard, I would like for you to inform the board that they are required to be in the board room at three this afternoon, no excuses. Yes, even Caius. I'm going to fax you some documents and I need you to make twenty three copies and make packets in the order that they arrive. Also, Teresa, have security waiting in the boardroom when Miss Swan and I arrive."

"Twenty three packets will be waiting when you arrive at three, Felix. I'll hand them to you myself. May I ask why I am calling security? " Teresa purred.

"They're going to be busy this afternoon, that's all I can say at the moment. Goodbye and see you later, Teresa."

"I'm looking forward to it, Felix. It 'as been too long since the last time…we saw each other."

I smirked and agreed with her. It had been too long. Before Teresa could get too deep into what she wanted to do to me I made a date for Saturday and hung up. Saturday was good, that day Alice and Jasper were on duty. Perhaps "duty" was the wrong word…

I highlighted the signatures on both documents and attached the statement from my man in Vincennes and while I waited for the fax to go through I began gathering my things. In moments I received a confirmation and a naughty fax from the little spitfire Teresa. On my way out I told Lynee to cancel whatever meetings I had for the day and headed towards the lifts. Once the doors closed, I dug out my mobile and called a certain devil pixie. Now was a dangerous time to call her but I couldn't be fussed about that, I needed her help.

"Alice, its Felix—"

"What! Has something happened to Bella? You better fucking hope something happened to her or I swear Felix, I'll put your balls on a skewer and roast them….I'm busy!" She screeched loudly. Fucking hell, I felt bad for that mop headed fiancé of hers. There was still time for him to back out.

"Calm your tiny ass down, nothing happened to Bellar, but this does involve her. How soon can you get to her place?"

"I'm leaving now." Alice snapped before hanging up without so much as a farewell.

"Well, that was fucking rude." Pocketing my mobile I looked around and noticed Heidi, a fit as fuck junior associate, leering at me. I smiled; she had German barmaid appeal, with her honey braids and breasts confined to tight tops. I was an equal opportunist, I didn't discriminate. German, French, Italian, Moroccan, Spaniard, Irish, English…The list could and did go on for days.

"I would never hang up on you Mr. Hammen."

"I know Heidi, love, I know you wouldn't." I told her exiting the lift. She was cute, seemed willing and more than able, but I didn't fuck people I worked with. Dipping your pen in company ink was just fucking unprofessional, that was. I looked but never touched. "Have a lovely day, _Heidi_."

"You too, _sir_."

Have I mentioned how much I love my life?

Within moments of parking, a buzzing midget showed up at my door, practically wrenching it open along with my arm. Out on the side walk she started badgering me with questions. _What's going on? What do you need help with? Are you going to try and get Bella out of that damn David Bowie shirt?_ Instead of telling her right away I decided to drag it out some, enjoy the satisfaction of withholding. Much like withholding an orgasm to the last possible moment…the build up was great and end result was phenomenal. Maybe I'm a bit of an asshole, but Alice is as impatient as they come and it was always fun to mess with the half pint. By the sixth floor Alice gave way to acting like half an adult and pinched me until I told her what was so important that I interrupted her during wedding planning time.

Fucking woman, I thanked God that Bellar was more sensible than her counterpart. Of course thinking of Bellar made me angry, thinking of how broken she was made me see red. Carlisle was a dead man, next time I saw the wanker, I'd break that ridiculously straight nose of his.

The rest of the way up I explained what I had found out to Alice, and how she factored in. I needed her to basically strong arm Bellar into some business like attire and out of anything paint or tear stained. Once I finished my tale, Alice was in awe and I had to say it was completely warranted. I was fucking brilliant, those papers had passed so many hands and eyes and not one of those pricks caught what I had, more than likely because they were paid to be blind. I hadn't slept since Bellar asked for my help and there was no limit on how hard I would work for her. I loved that girl. Which was why "duty" was the wrong word to use, it was with pleasure that I looked after her. To be clear, neither of us was concerned she'd do anything drastic, but if left alone, we couldn't be sure she'd take care of herself properly. Even with us "dropping by" she hadn't been eating enough. A man can tell those things.

"Wow, Felix…do you have any idea how impressed I am right now? I know we fight like cats and dogs, but you're my hero right. I mean, I knew Aro; he was one wordy and secretive man. I don't want to know the amount of digging and sweet talking you had to do." Alice said stepping out of the lift. She looked like she wanted to say more but the blaring music flooding the hall between Bellar's flat and my own chased the words right out of her.

For a moment we both stood there, simply taking in the grief that our friend was shouting through her music selection.

"Again. Has she been this way since…?"

"Yeah."

"Why would she…"

"I don't know, really. Round ten in the morning the day after she got up suddenly and said she was going out. Rosalie, Emmett and I tried to stop her but she was determined. She came back an hour later and started painting with the music as loud as she could get it. He was gone. The place was cleared out. Not a damn stitch left. My guess was that she was going to talk to him…that or beat his ass, either way she didn't get a chance to do what she wanted."

"I should have been here; Jaz and I feel so responsible. I can't think what happened, what changed? The bastard seemed so invested in her. So in love…Something had to have happened. You don't think it was the proposal, do you? He wouldn't just make a decision like this without talking to anyone about it."

"It wasn't anyone's fault, Alice and it sure as hell wasn't the proposal. I reckon if he would have talked to someone, we wouldn't be here, but Carlisle was set in his decision…even if, according to Emmett, he didn't want to leave. Emmett said Carlisle wasn't himself, said he had been drinking at Sir Winston's for a while."

"What was I thinking? That's twice with him, twice that I've regretted pushing my ducky at him. Now I have two punk bitches to cut. When I get my hands on them…Jacob is easier, he lives here, but Carlisle. I'll fucking fly out to Chicago if I have to."

"What is with you and cutting people, you're mad. Fucking hell, Alice. Remind me never to cross you. I never knew smurfettes could be so vicious." Shaking my head I opened the door with my key and walked in.

The smell of oil and turpentine was thick in the air, almost as thick as Bellar's pain. The dividing doors were thrown open carelessly, exposing the madness of a broken heart. From where I stood the half dozen drying canvases were visible, propped up against walls, stools, and the doorway. What was painted on them was unimportant to me, sure I was attracted to Bellar's work, but she was my concern at the moment.

Standing at the easel was Bella in the same clothes I had seen her in the last time I checked on her; minuscule shorts and the top that offended Alice, paint brush poised over the blue face and singing.

No one could hear her over the volume of Billie, but I knew. She had taken to singing with the most depressing of tunes since Carlisle left, leaving it to the blues to express herself. It had been two weeks, two weeks of nothing but painting and mournful singing. She hadn't really spoken to any of us.

She answered questions with small discernable nods and whispered words strictly in French…unless she was singing of course. Oui, non, her _anglais_ vocabulary these days only extended to lyrics.

"Is the song on loop, Felix?" Alice whispered, her eyes were fixed on her friend. The irritating woman I knew was gone—Alice looked moments from crying. Tears from Bellar I could handle, I hated them, but I could deal with them. Tears from Alice would ruin the quasi sexually charged love/hate relationship we had going. I couldn't have that.

I nodded and was thankful when Alice snapped back to her cheery self and turned down the music. Bellar either didn't notice the decibel change or didn't care; she continued to sing as if she was still alone.

…_if each plan_

_With your man_

_Done fell through_

_There was a time_

_When I was his only one_

_But now I'm_

_The sad and lonely one…lonely_

_Was I gay_

'_Till today_

_Now he's gone, and we're through_

_Am I blue…_

Fucking Billie Holiday, why did it have to be Billie? I always thought there was no one in more pain than Billie, but Bella was running a close second.

Alice made her way into the room, gingerly moving a damp painting to clear a path for me to follow. I didn't. I don't know why it was so difficult to walk over to her today. It wasn't the emotion. I had let her cry on me for hours that day two weeks ago and when she pulled away, I didn't fault her. I knew she was retreating to safety. Perhaps it was that today I finally understood that there was no getting over what Carlisle did to her.

D day, as I refer to it, seemed so long ago. I had been waiting by her door to update her on the Canard situation. I expected to see the sexy little thing in blue leather and witty banter on her lips but when I called out to her she didn't respond, nor did she show a sign of hearing me. When I saw her eyes, I understood why. She looked…empty. Her usual spark was nowhere to be found and as I watched her tear apart every drawing of my once best mate, my heart actually broke for her. Usually I give off a cold-hearted bastard persona, I've embraced the title, mastered it in the courtroom, but Bellar melted that bit away. She was a warm weakness of mine. She was like the best friend you always fancy, but never touch because in your heart she's family. There was something in her face as she held the palette knife in her hand that day, something I only now understood.

Carlisle was truly it for her. He was the only man she had ever loved, the only man she had allowed to into her heart and his leaving reaffirmed to her that men, people in general were not to be trusted beyond a certain point. She had trusted Carlisle past that point and she wouldn't do it again.

_Was I gay_

'_Till today_

_Now he's gone, and we're through_

_Am I blue_

_Oh he's gone, he left me_

_Am I blue_

"Ducky," Alice whispered slipping the wet brush from Bellar's hand. "Felix and I have some news to share with you, but we need you to get ready and leave this place, okay babe. I'm going to pick out something for you and I want you to wash your face and hands and go and wait for me in the bathroom, ok? Have you showered? Felix do we have time for a shower?"

I nodded without looking at her. Bella nodded and looked over to me, asking with a glance where we were taking her and if she had to leave. I understood how she felt, her flat was safe. I smiled softly and held out a hand to her.

"Ok, ducky. Have you eaten breakfast? Do you need help getting dressed…Oh watch out for that painting it's kinda in the way. I'm going to pick out something nice, with some pretty heels and we'll do you hair…it's all wavy and pretty, maybe we'll just leave it down. We need get you out of this shirt, babe it's been two weeks!"

I saw Bella wince at Alice's last sentence, her step faltering and eyes widening with panic. I instantly regretted calling Alice.

"She's not a child Alice and she can wear the damn shirt if she wants." I grabbed Bellar's hand and walked over to one of the chairs. I thought she'd sit, but instead she dropped my hand like a hot coal and went over to the windows. Alice stalked by throwing me an aggravated glare. I wasn't fussed by her looks. "I asked you to help, Alice, not force her to change her fucking shirt. If it's that important to her, she can wear it underneath."

"It's coming off Felix, it's painted on. You said out of anything paint and tear stained. You said professional and presentable—Ziggy Stardust is neither. Remember _you _called _me_."

Swearing under my breath, I went to stand beside my friend, trying to see what exactly she was looking at. Everything looked normal, cars, clouds and people walking about, some smoking, others not. I commented on the weather like a good English man, but she didn't give a shit about the weather. From behind me I could hear Alice asking herself which skirt would look best with the shoes she had picked out. She called out to ask which blouse Bellar would like best, blue or black but she didn't wait for a reply before hollering that it was time to "get pretty".

Bellar sighed and turned towards her bedroom. I hadn't expected her to be talkative, but I had hoped she'd say something. I didn't like this girl, silent and submissive. I missed the Bellar with fight, the bad ass that rode her motorcycle in the rain, and smiled indulgently when I acted like a pig.

I waited on the couch while Alice got Bellar ready. After what felt like hours, both women walked out, Ziggy nowhere in sight. Bellar was in one of those ass hugging pencil skirts, a semi sheer black blouse, and the highest red heels I had ever seen. Under different circumstances I would have made a suggestive remark about how edible she looked…it didn't seem appropriate now. Her face was as beautiful as always, as was her shiny hair, but life was missing from her big brown eyes. Robotically she took the London Fog Alice handed her and followed us down to my car. Her breathing was so erratic in the lift I could have sworn that she was having a panic attack but when the doors opened and fresh air circulated she settled. Alice looked at me with questions and alarm but I simply shook my head. Carlisle. How many times she must have ridden that lift with him. Alice left us, kissing Bellar's cheek and demanding that I call her the moment we were finished. I agreed under threat of skewered balls.

Traffic was very light and we made it to the _rue de Commerce _with an hour to spare. I parked my car in the space with Aro's name plate, mostly out of spite, but also because that spot was now Bellar's right.

"We're here, love." I told her softly, touching her arm as to get her attention. As if waking from a dream she looked at me then at the quintessentially crème French building, tracing the delicate gold scrolled Canard with her eyes. Without so much as a question, she got out of the car and I followed, nodding to the door man who faltered when he saw Aro's precious granddaughter.

"Bonjour Mademoiselle. C'est un plaisir. "

She smiled sadly and shook his hand, "Bonjour Michael, comme sage." Her voice was horse and raw, but it was genuine.

As we walked away I heard him say that she was just like her grandfather. He was absolutely correct, which was why today had to be done with Bellar's presence. Unfortunately that meant exposing her to the vultures that had descended since Caius and Marcus forced her out and not to mention the ones that emerged after that blasted rag put out all those photos.

_Le affaire du Prof Cullen et la infâme Swan._

Eyes and whispers followed us across the lobby. Comments about her were made as we passed, about her character, her scruples, and her likeness to Renee—it was all bollocks. Some backstabbers had the decency to hush their words, but not everyone was so kind. Wisps of conversation swirled about, people were talking about her and Carlisle and the compromising position she had them and herself in. How he left her, there was even of photo of her mounting her bike in tears on the fateful day. It was judgment of biblical proportion and I knew she heard it all, felt it in the weight on her shoulders. Once we were alone and riding up to the board room, I took the time to ask if she was alright.

It was a fucking stupid question, she wasn't. She was as white as a sheet, her pretty eyes filling with tears as she attempted to control her breathing.

"Listen to me Bellar, hey…love, look at me." For the first time today her eyes met mine, glassy and vulnerable. She looked unbelievably young in this state. "You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you hear me? I'm working on the pictures, ok. In the board room I'm going to do the talking, but you might have to defend yourself. I need you to be the strong girl I know today. Can you do that for me? "

She nodded and a tear slipped from the corner of her eye. "I can't get him out of my head, Felix. I…miss him."

Her voice was raspy with desperation as she made the confession, tears now leaked steadily from her eyes. I would kill Carlisle if I ever saw the bastard again. What would he say if he could see the way he left her? I took her into my arms, hoping it was some comfort to her. I knew it wasn't. She wanted a different Brit.

"I know Bellar…I know."

xXXx

An hour later, all the board members sat around the table with crisp packets in front of them courtesy of Teresa. Bellar had composed herself and adopted a stern and cold mask that I assumed was a study of Rosalie's. Caius and the other mutinous dicks in suits sat around the table, envious and enraged to find that Bellar was sitting at the head of the table, where she belonged.

Marcus had the good sense to look nervous as did the bald midget Lucca. Caius however observed me with a defiant eye, almost daring me to give it my best shot. I have no clue what he thought I had called this meeting to do, to grovel, plead, or perhaps to throw in the towel and hand over the keys to the fucking kindom, but he was about to be rudely surprised.

Clearing my throat, squeezing Bellar's arm under the table for support, I rose to my feet and addressed the board.

"Good afternoon everyone. As you all know I called this meeting on behalf of Miss Swan—"

"What power does she have to call meetings. She's hardly in the position to decide what happens here." The same balding man that stood in the cathedral with Caius said, slamming his hand on the oak table. Fuck, I wanted to horse whip this prick so bad.

Before I could say a word Bellar spoke, emotionlessly. It sent a shiver down my spine.

"Lucca, _you_ have no say here, you never have. As far as Aro was concerned you didn't belong at this table. I share the opinion. Only after my grandfather's passing have you moved up the ladder, under Caius' influence. No doubt because you have spent the better half of six months kneeling at his feet, but make no mistake, you are of no more valuable to this company than the coffee filters. _You_ are as disposable as they are. Now, if I were you I'd keep quite from this point on before you find yourself unemployed and unemployable. Continue please, monsieur Hammen."

"Avec plaisir, Mademoiselle," I smirked as Caius' clenched his fists. "In front of you, you will find two excerpts of Aro's last will and testament. One was drawn up several months before his death, dictated by Aro himself and the other was drawn up much later, by someone other than Aro. Both are signed and dated with what appears to be Aro's signature, but one is a forgery. I assume that I do not need to explain the severity of falsifying legal documents. Attached to the copies is a statement from forensic analyst Dr. James Monae corroborating the forgery, take a look if you would like. Turn to the first page if you will, and let us read along."

As I read the document that Caius forged I could see realization on each face. The wording was correct enough at a passing glace, but there were holes, gaps that made little to no sense and gave the air of a botched attempt to fool.

"If you have the intellect I think you have you all are, like I was, thoroughly bewildered by this document. First it names Isabellar Marie Swan as the sole owner, grants her control of every Canard share, only to then contradict the statement above with an amendment age clause, claiming that she is to be a company figure head until she reaches the age of twenty four years of age in which the _Head _board members are in full control of her company. Curious, very curious.

"For those of you who do not know, wills, unlike state documents require no amendments. If something needs to be changed, a new will is drawn. Now, I would like for you to flip the page now and read Aro's actual wishes for the company he created for his granddaughter. Pay attention to the crest stamped beside his signature and its absence from the previous page."

This time I did not read Aro's words. They were quite affectionate, almost like a love letter to Bellar, and I didn't think it was wise. She was being so strong; I would have hated to screw that up for her now when there was still more to get through. Across the table Caius fidgeted in his chair, not bothering to read the papers in front of him. I hadn't expected him to; he knew exactly what it said, which was why he had forged a new one.

"Well, dis sounds like dee Aro I know. It was strange to me dat 'e would not leave Isabella in charge. We all know 'ow Aro felt about you three." A woman in a blue suit exclaimed shaking her head from Caius to Marcus and Lucca.

"Anne, what proof is this," Caius began feathers thoroughly ruffled, tossing the packet in the trash before addressing the rest of the board. "Useless papers. Aro was unwell towards the end and as his health failed him he saw how unfit and unable Bella—"

"It's Miss Swan, Caius. You are forgetting your place once more. You are walking on very dangerous ground…be careful." Bellar warned, still with her mask of cold bitch. I had never been more proud of the steel I saw in her eyes.

"_Careful._ Miss Swan…perhaps you forget yours. You are a child, unsuitable to run this company even if your silver spoon entitles you to it. The board is in control until the day you turn twenty four and it is a good thing. If left up to you Canard would cease to be one of the most respectable publishing companies in France and become as infamous as Le Moulin Rouge, with a whore at its helm. Don't make me laugh child. Power, you have none here, and from what half of Paris is shouting you didn't even have the feminine power to keep your toy in Paris with you. Smart man that Carlisle Cullen was, left you before you could drag him down."

The moment the words left his mouth I glanced at Bellar, equally expecting bloody murder and tears. Silence descended on the room, not one of the twenty-one other board members moved for fear of drawing attention to themselves. Anger was coolly displayed on her beautiful face mirroring his impudence. Both were palpable in the air; even I was weary of making a sound.

Without taking her eyes off of his face she took a deep breath through her nose, exhaling slowly, and beckoned Monsieur Gainsbourg who had been sitting behind her inconspicuously with a curl of her finger. The man was no doubt cursing Caius for speaking to Isabellar in such a disrespectful manner. It was only natural—he had known and been an active part of her life since she was eight years old.

"Introduce yourself, s'il vous plait."

"Oui, Isabella. My name is Marino Gainsbourg and for fifteen years I was under the employment of Monsieur Aro. I was a measure of security should anyone attempt to do what one of you has attempted. I was hired with the purpose of guarding Isabella's standings should anything happen to Aro. Every important document was signed in my presences. Every contract, paper, decree, estate holdings and will were put in my trust by Aro himself. Aro's will was not only dictated and drawn up with me in the very room, but as further security that his wishes be upheld; a tape of his will was made and kept in my possession. Should the need arise I was to turn over said video to either Isabella or her lawyer."

"And you have that cued up for us Marino, non?"

"Oui." He answered her with an expression of devotion and loyalty. He might irritate me, but like I had noted before, he was valuable.

He pressed a button by Bellar's elbow and the painting behind her became a black screen. Aro appeared on the screen, his face still full of exuberant life. This was obviously filmed long before he started to show signs of malady. When he began to speak I noticed Bellar close her eyes and bite her lip. She missed her grandfather, it had only been seven months give or take weeks since she last heard his voice.

When the screen went blank, once more the room was silent. After looking for approval from Bellar I dismissed everyone accept the traitors, or at least the known traitors and Massimo. Gainsbourg whispered something to her before kissing her cheek and walked out the glass doors. I nodded to the sentimental bastard in gratitude and noticed that we had drawn much attention to ourselves. I had always found the idea of a glass conference room pointless before day, but now, with the curious eyes of the many Canard employees I rather liked the idea…it was like a public trial. I rather liked the attention, Bellar not so much, but she squared her shoulders and turned to the guilty men with a withering stare that scared me. Me! Of all people.

Smiling to myself I thought, "Off with their heads, Bellar."

"This is outrageous Caius. I believed you of every evil, but this…you sat there at Aro's death bed and promised to protect Isabella and her company. How could you?"

"Massimo." Bella called softly. He stopped at her simple utterance of his name and fixed his eyes on wall of windows. "I've asked myself what grand-père would do if he were where I am. It's impossible to know for sure but here is what I am going to do with you three. Marcus and Lucca you are fired. You have until the end of the day to remove yourselves and all of your things from this building. Both of you will be escorted and watched as you do this. You are to turn over all your contacts, clients and pending contracts and manuscripts. Go now, security will be waiting outside your offices."

As they walked out with their tail between their legs I decided this was more like a public execution. I almost wished I had a beer and some nuts so I could enjoy the show.

"Caius, you and I both know that you have been the ringleader here. Now, you share the same fate with your followers, but they didn't forge any papers. You did. So naturellement, your punishment will fit the crime. "

"You have no proof of that." Caius spat. Repulsed, I wiped off my smartest blue suit. Disgusting prick.

To my surprise Bellar laughed humorlessly.

"I don't need proof. I can get it, but I don't need it. You see, things like these have a way of getting out. People are tricky that way, they can never keep things to themselves and when the word gets out that you were fired suddenly, without severance after so many years of "loyal" service and escorted from the building like the criminal you are, questions will arise. Then when I file a suit against you, more questions will arise. With my money and Aro's name you'll be buried by mountains of legal troubles that will drag on for months until you beg for mercy. I might feel kind, but then again I might not. I might just leave you to the fate of your crimes. How hefty would the fine and sentence be Felix? Never mind…it's not important. In the end it won't matter what proof there was or wasn't, your reputation will be tarnished beyond repair. You'll be a leper and no one will touch you."

"_You_ can't do any of that." He whispered in disbelief. From Bellar to me he looked, as if to judge how serious she was.

"Watch me." She was dead serious.

"Canard will burn to ground with you," he started, his voice shaking as he snatched his blackberry and Monte Blanc stylo from the table. "Why do you think you never saw your whore of a mother round the family businesses, eh? She didn't have what it took and neither do you. She did know her way around a prick though... Cut from the same cloth votre mère et vous."

"I'm nothing like her; I wouldn't touch you with my enemy's hand. Get out the hell of my sight Caius."

On shaking limbs he left the board room where a member of security escorted him to his office. Triumph was sweet and I was on verge of celebrating when I caught sight of Bellar's face. The mask was cracking, her strength was dwindling quickly. Under the table I squeezed her hand and tried to give her support.

It wasn't enough. She smiled faintly and turned her attention to Massimo.

"Massimo…I want you to take Aro's place here, if you'd like. I trust you...to do what is best for Canard. Together…we can run the company…the way…it should be ran."

"Ce serait mon plaisir, Isabella. Vous êtes comme mon vieux cher ami Isabella, ne doutez jamais de cela."

After shaking her hand, he left us alone in the glass room. Sensing her eventual breakdown I gathered up our things and spoke to Teresa about filing one packet here at Canard. She smirked and readily agreed, and when she saw Bellar she hugged her and complimented her shoes. Was "aimez vos chaussures" code for "you did a bang up job in there"? Women, not even God himself understands them.

Outside the offices were buzzing loudly. Naturally, things that were conducted in private always became public. In the lift I stood beside Bellar, holding her limp hand in mine as she stared blankly at the descending numbers.

"I'm proud of you Bellar, that couldn't have been easy."

Her shoulders, once straight and high fell. The façade of strength and rime vanished, leaving behind a very hurt girl in red heels and a fetching skirt. This meeting had drained her and as necessary as it had been, I felt like shit for putting her through it. "Can I go home now?"

I wanted to say yes, but I had yet to call Alice and I knew she'd want to celebrate. She understood my silence and sighed.

xXXx

Alice was chattering away with Sylvain the proprietor, an aging transvestite, about her wedding. Jasper was sitting beside her, watching with glee as she laid out plans he obviously had no say in. Afternoon ceremony, outdoor reception, white and pale yellow flowers with amber accents…I stopped listening after she said beaded bodice and checked my balls. Yes, they were still there. Bella was sitting in the corner between Jasper and I, looking like a paper doll in her green and black dress Alice put her in. Both Jasper and I had been against this little celebration, but seeing as Alice gave Jasper access to pussyland and Bella was a silent party, I had been out numbered.

Swirling around the amber liquid in my cup, I watched Bella. I was concerned for her, not just because she seemed increasingly shut away from us but because this place was a fucking dive. Sure it had a reputation among France as being a jewel from a golden age, a petit bar cabaret but history or no history I didn't like it here. Fuck me, it was shady and had defiantly seen better days. And sparkling rafters? What bar has sparkling rafters? God love Bellar but leave it to her to choose the fucking saddest bars in all of Paris. Many places were suggested, mostly overly trendy places by none other than Alice. Stupidly Jasper mentioned Sir Winston's, not knowing its significance. Because Bellar walked out of the room after dropping a paint laden palette we decided that she would choose the place Alice was dragging us to.

Next to the bar snored Bruno, Sylvain's boxer and beside him in a shabby dusty coat was a man drinking away his last pennies. In a very dark corner a man with greasy unwashed hair sat smoking, shrouded in darkness and a hoodie. _Cheers, Bonjour Tristesse!_

"Jazzy and I decided that it would be nice to have the wedding close to family so we're having the wedding at my dad's place. November will be here before you know it, and I have so much to do."

Jesus, kill me now. Weddings and I were not on speaking terms.

Sylvain nodded in agreement, sipping his wine oblivious that the bloke in the corner had yet to receive his cheap beer. I decided to ignore them and focus on coaxing some life out of Bella.

"What you drinking, kid?" She held up her glass to my nose, giving me a quick whiff and put the glass back down on the dusty table. "Water? Nothing too strong tonight huh?"

She nodded and looked towards the old microphone on stage with watery eyes. Her lip trembled and quickly she bit it in a vain attempt to stop. Songs I knew she adored both for their melancholy air and their beauty began to play. Her pale throat quivered, a sure sign that pain was ganging up on her, dying to get out, one way or another. Sing or cry, sing and cry, cry or sing. I could see the questions in her eyes as she listened with half an ear, feigning indifference. It was fucking painful to watch.

"Bellar, if you want to go up there, no one, least of all me, is going to stop you. If it helps love, do it." She shook her head and leaned against my shoulder, eyes still fixed on the mic. Leaving my drink to gather dust like the rest of the place I stroked her hair.

"Please Bellar; don't make me watch you like this. I can't do it," I whispered against her hair.

Over her head Jasper looked curiously at her face and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. Maybe his seedy talent of discerning her feelings wasn't so seedy, at the moment.

"Go on darlin'. Ain't no one here and I think you've got a lovely singin' voice."

She didn't say a word, but she walked over to the silver mic. Sylvain heard us and walked away from the table to turn on the mic. Thankfully he didn't return, but decided to converse with the suicidal shabby coat man. Bellar began to sing and I took a drink for the first time since it had arrived and closed my eyes. Fuck, I had thought Billie was bad. Edith Piaf was worse.

Typically French and just what Isabellar was feeling. Ne me quitte pas…such an adequate song. With every line I wondered how Carlisle could abandon her. Had she begged him not to? The song ended and another followed.

"I'm going to murder Carlisle, Jasper." I frowned. Alice was all threat and no action. I was still waiting for her to do something to the bastard Jacob.

"What she singin'?" Jasper asked no one in particular.

Without opening my eyes I answered, "La Foule, Piaf."

Under my breath I mouthed the words along with Bella. The song was having a wondrous effect on my thought process. La Foule. The crowd. People, other people tearing two lovers apart. Who would do such a thing? Who would stand to benefit for this pain, who was sadistic enough to take pleasure in this? Carlisle had told me that he was in love with Isabella. Love had never been something he took lightly or fleetingly. As far as I knew he had loved only once before. Once in so many years said so much for his capacity to love, the depth of his feeling when he fell. Carlisle's love was true, it could be counted on. So, why the fuck would he leave her? Marriage wasn't in the cards for me, but for Bellar and Carlisle is was natural, the next step; marriage, a baby, and happily ever fucking after, and not in that particular order.

Was it fear? Could that really be the reason? If that was the case I'd fly to that fucked windy city tonight and drag his blonde ass back where he belonged.

But then there was those photos…They had to have come from someone, somewhere. Who? And from where?

"What's the song about Ali?"

"Two people, at a festival of sorts…they dance and love, but when they get the peak of the dance, the crowd rips them apart. They never…they never see each other again. Jazzy, my ducky…how do I fix her?" Alice cried.

"Darlin' you can't fix her, the best you can do is be there for her when she needs you. That's all any of us can do. You did it once before, right…with Jake."

"Jacob is scum! He was different Jaz. Bella didn't love him. She loves Carlisle and she told him. Do you have any idea how difficult that must have been for her? She's been in love with him since Rose threw a bitch fit at the fun fair, maybe even before that. She told him how she felt and he walked away from her. What is wrong with him? I really thought they'd get married and have babies and be happy."

"Me too Darlin', me too."

Jacob.

There was my answer, wrapped neatly in a greasy git package. Why hadn't I thought of him before! He hated Bellar enough to want to cause her pain and we all knew he had been stalking her. He had assaulted her—we had proof of that. He could have easily taken those pictures, but what did it have to do with Carlisle? Was he threatened enough by Carlisle's presence in Bellar's life to threaten him? Something was nagging me, but I couldn't pin point what…it was something Emmett said about a job

When the last notes faded, I opened my eyes and saw her standing on the stage, alone and shaking. Normally she was shy, but I had a feeling she felt so alone that it would hardly matter if the place was packed. She wouldn't see or even care about them watching her.

"Alice," I shifted in my seat to look at her. I groaned when I realized she was in Jasper's lap crying. Fuck her tears, they made me want to get her tissues and tell her Bella was going to be right as rain. Clearing my throat, I directed my question to Jasper instead. "Emmett mentioned something about a job Carlisle wanted or was going to get or…but I can't quite recall what he said. Do you?"

Jasper was distracted by Bella and the next song she was performing. He was right, she had a lovely voice.

_The night is bitter,  
The stars have lost their glitter;  
The winds grow colder  
And suddenly you're older -  
And all because of the man that got away._

"Oi, Jasper." I prodded, snapping my fingers.

_The man that won you  
Has gone off and undone you…_

"It was a job Carlisle was going to get, a sure thing from the sounds of it. An old mentor of sorts is retiring and going back to London, from what Emmett said Carlisle told him Alastair offered his job to Carlisle. Some woman wanted the job, but Carlisle told Emm she had little chance of getting it. He joked that she'd have to blackmail Alastair to get the position."

"Blackmail…" I hedged, ideas starting to form foundations. "I knew Carlisle a long time ago, mostly he's the same, but he's changed some. The man I knew wouldn't be threatened by blackmail; he'd face it head on. Would Carlisle do the same today?"

Jasper thought for a moment and then his face registered what I was playing at."If he was the one being blackmailed, sure he'd face it. Tell them to do their worse, but since he lost Edward and Esme he feels like he needs to protect his loved ones. I guess the answer would depend on who was threatened and maybe who was doin' the threatenin'."

Jacob.

"Jacob," Alice snarled.

"Yes, Jacob. Damnit Alice! Jasper is rubbing off on you."

"No, Jacob."

"Hello Alice." A man said, pulling back a chair to sit in.

"Jacob." I worked to control my anger, barely restraining the urge to rearrange his face, though by the looks of him, someone had already done it for me. My bet was on Carlisle, he always had known how to throw a punch or two. Or fucking six. "Speak of the devil and he shall show up."

"Ah, you guys were talking about me, I'm flattered."

"Oh, we were just discussing where to dispose of your body. I'm up for dumping you in the Seine." Alice quipped. Jasper's hold tightened. He was a bright man for doing so. "What happened to your face super star…did someone's boyfriend beat your ass or is this what happens to almost famous losers who talk too much shit?"

"Fuck you, you little bitch."

"Don't speak to her that way you little dick."

What happened next happened quite fast. Before Jasper or I could react Alice slipped out of Jasper's arms and launched her tiny body at Jacob, knocking him back on the glitter littered floor. Knocking over the table Jasper flew to her side, but found that she didn't need his help at all. Blood was pouring out of Jacob's Hannibal nose protector from Alice's two fisted attack.

"I'm a bitch? You're a bitch Jacob Black and I'm going to slap you like the bitch you are. How dare you show your face around here? Bastard!"

"You better get your woman off of him before she gets arrested. I'll take care of him." I whispered to Jasper as Alice made good on her promise. Her slaps began to echo in the empty bar along with his yelps and groans. He was such a twat. It really was a shame she didn't have a blade on her.

After pulling a still fighting Alice off of Jake, Jasper checked her hands while I hauled Jake's sorry ass off the floor. Bella was frozen watching us, but more importantly, taking in the state of Jacob's face—not all that damage had been done by Alice and she was trying to figure out who was responsible for the dark bruises, swollen lip and broken nose. Typical of Bellar as of late she followed us out into the bitter night in silence, her London fog wrapped tightly around her. Jacob was struggling, but the guy had no real strength.

"What happened?" Bella asked quietly, to whom I wasn't sure.

"Bella baby, you're worried about me—"

"Shut your mouth." I told him. "Don't talk to or even look at her, you sick piece of shit."

"I've seen a lot of Bella lately," He laughed, leering at her suggestively. Roughly I pushed him into the alley wall, my forearm making contact with his injured nose. I almost laughed at his howl of pain.

"Take Bellar home please Jasper, and get Alice home. I've got some things I need to talk to Jacob about."

Jasper was holding Alice by the waist tightly, restrained her from beating Jacob's ass further. Alice was begging for another go and beside her Bellar simply watched Jacob. Finally Jasper convinced Alice to stop fighting and come with him to hail a cab, Bellar however stayed glued to the side walk. I told her to go with Alice and I'd check on her later but she didn't listen to me.

"Bellar, please love go. I'll be fine…"

"Yeah,_ Bellar_ love go. Hahhaa, did you like the pictures I took Bella baby? I did, especially the one of you on that red chair. So did Carlisle. He loved the one of you two fucking." She sobbed, Jacob smiled and I elbowed him in the ribs.

"What did I tell you? Don't talk to her. Bellar…please get out of here. He's a lying sack of shit, nothing he says matters."

"He saw them Bella, he saw all the pictures. He liked them. Carlisle didn't care about you baby, he left you just like he always meant to. You meant nothing to him. He didn't even try to stop those pictures being printed."

Just as Bella started crying Jasper came and gathered her in his arms before striding back to the cab waiting across the dead street.

"She's gone and she couldn't give a shit about your sorry ass. Now, you little pick what did you say to Carlisle?"

"I'm not telling you shit hot shot and you're not going to do anything to fuck up your expensive suit—" Quite abruptly my knee found its way to his crotch, hard. "Fils de pute!"

"I know you took the pictures, you French pig and I'm sure you sold them to the highest bidder but you're not smart enough to use them against Carlisle, which means you had a partner. What I need from your useless ass is a name."

"Va te faire foutre!" He gasped, holding his balls. Again I kneed him, a little harder but not too hard…I needed the name before he passed out.

"Le cerveau il etait en option chez toi… J'ai besoin du nom ou je le ferai encore."

Panicked bloodshot eyes pleaded, tears pouring from them like the blood Alice had drawn. "No! Not again please! I'll tell you! Jane, her name is Jane Lapointe, she found me. She threatened to let the pictures out and Carlisle caved."

"Caved? What does that mean? Who did she threaten?"

"He agreed to do anything she asked as long as she kept the pictures a secret."

"Who. Did. She. Threaten."

"Bella, who do you think?"

"And you decided to release them anyway. I'm guessing he did this to your face before he left huh." He nodded weakly and for good measure I kneed his balls once more. "Thank you."

I let him go and he crumpled to the floor. Pathetic little boy. Keeping an eye on him in the event that he would try to get away, I pulled out my phone and dialed. Two ring and gruff voice answered.

"Sorry for bothering you so late but remember the pictures of Bellar's arms I sent you… I have the man responsible. Right, see you in a few."

Shortly after I had finished dragging bleeding and whimpering Jacob back into the bar, three men, two in uniform and one in plain clothes, walked in the bar.

"C'est il?" One officer asked.

"Yeah, that's him." The inquiring officer walked over and cuffed Jacob. "Jacob Black, you are under arrest for assaulting Isabella Marie Sawn. And you better fucking believe she's pressing charges."

"He also admitted to taking those photos Charlie…a couple he had to have trespassed in order to get. Broke all kinds of laws he did."

Charlie's face turned a shade of red and without warning cocked his fist and punched Jacob's face.

Poor guy, his nose was fucked for life. Jake staggered but didn't fall due to the officer's firm grip on his arm.

"That's assault!" Jacob yelled, "He fucking hit me! That's assault, arrest him!"

The arresting officer looked to his partner then at Sylvain, "I didn't see him hit you. As far as I know you fell. Right?"

"Right," His partner echoed.

"Oui, he fell." Sylvain answered.

"You really should be more careful Jacob mate…think of your acting career. Your face is your money."

"What acting career?" Charlie scoffed.

Cursing and shouting obscenities, Jacob was taken from the bar. I sighed and ordered two beers, one for me and one for Charlie, but he declined, he was driving. I thanked God Alice had had the good sense to suggest we take a cab here. It had been a long fucking day and I needed a drink.

"Thank you Felix…for keeping my baby girl safe."

"No problem, Charlie. I'm happy to do it."

"It's more than I can say for the perverted cradle robber." I could tell he was angry, he had the right, but the whole Carlisle situation was leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. My anger towards him was dissolving as more pieces of the puzzle came to light. "I always knew he was an asshole. He better never come back."

"I'd hold off Charlie…the story doesn't make sense."

"I don't care what the story is Felix. He's not coming around Isabella ever again, not if I have anything to say about it. He didn't love her."

Sylvain handed me my beer and I drank it thankfully. Charlie and his fatherly delusion, he had no say in what Isabella did or didn't do. I wondered if he'd ever realize she was an adult.

"All due respect Charlie, you don't know what you're talking about. Carlisle does love Bellar and she's grown. She can pick who she wants and who she doesn't. You have to let go or you're going to end up losing her. She's smarter than you give the girl credit for."

"I'll lose her one way or another and I know she's smart. She's _my _kid Felix." Charlie was on the defensive but someone needed to give it to him straight.

"You don't show it. Trust her enough to let her make her own decisions. She won't be you Charlie, and Carlisle isn't like Renee. He fucked up, I'll give you that, but he won't say away. He loves her too much."

"We'll see."

I knew when to quit, another fate given gift of mine. He was set in his ways. Bellar would forever be that six year old freckled girl in pigtails to him. As I sat there drinking in silence, thinking over everything I had learned, I realized that getting Bellar and Carlisle back together would not be as easy as for me.

It would take everything I had; blood, sweat, liquor and tenacity.

* * *

**A/N: Please review, let me know what you think. Rock tossing it fine…as long as they are small rocks. ;)**

**Translations:**

_**Bonjour Mademoiselle. C'est un plaisir—**_**Hello Miss. ****It is a pleasure.**

_**Bonjour Michael, comme sage—**_**Hello Michael, like wise.**

_**Le affaire du Prof Cullen et la infâme Swan.—**_**The affair of Prof Cullen and the infamous Swan**

_**Avec plaisir, Mademoiselle**_**—With pleasure miss.**

_**votre mère et vous—Your mother and you.**_

_**Ce serait mon plaisir, Isabella. Vous êtes comme mon vieux cher ami Isabella, ne doutez jamais de cela.**_**—It would be my pleasure, Isabella. ****You are like my dear old friend Isabella, never doubt that.**

_**aimez vos chaussures—**_**Love your shoes**_**.**_

_**Fils de pute!**_**—Son of a bitch!**

_**Va te faire foutre!**_**—Kiss my ass !**

_**Le cerveau il etait en option chez toi… **__**J'ai besoin du nom ou je le ferai encore**_**—Brains were optional with you…I need the name or I'll do it again.**

_**C'est il**_**—This him?**


	30. Belles étoiles

**A/N: I thank all of you who continue to support and enjoy this story. Thank you for reviewing and letting me know what is on your kind words inspire me, keep me writing. Bookworm Baby, you threw oranges and I made orange juice. I wonder what you'll throw at me this time.**

**Marissa, thank you. Even in the midst of your computer drama you edited this for me. A million thank you's.*hug***

**Kay, thank you for simply being there. **

**Belles étoiles/ Beautiful Stars**

* * *

BPOV

Summer days last longer, bright blue skies hang around for hours before giving way to a palette of oranges, pinks, blues, and finally the deep indigo night sky. The afternoons are warm and nights sultry. Summer changed the city. The stress melted away and placid Paris sparkled, the Paris of old, the city of lights. The Paris penniless painters painted, the city I grew up loving. It was typically a beautiful sight, during these summer nights especially but it had lost its sheen. Something had gone out of the picture or perhaps I was viewing it through a grimy lens.

Two months had passed. Two of the most painful months I had ever experienced and I saw no relief in sight. Two months…Eight weeks…Sixty-one days…One thousand, six hundred and ninety four hours, no matter how I broke it down it still added up to two months minus Carlisle plus physical illness and guilt.

Math was such a bitch.

In the face of recent events, I felt guilty for even thinking about Carlisle, but when faced with two painful situations you face the easiest one. He had been my solace and I needed him. If he were here he'd hold me and let me cry. Carlisle knew what it was like and his absences made this so much sharper.

I could hear Jasper and Alice moving around inside, but I stayed out on the little ten inch by twenty "terrace" huddled in one of Ali's knit throws, head on my knees. Tears were constant now that I didn't have the strength to keep them away. What did it matter if I cried? Who was going to tell me to stop? You feel pain, you cry, or scream, or stop talking…we cope. However comforting my new surrogate family tried to be, the loss was just too great, wounds too deep to mend with family dinners and identical twin kisses. Carlisle and Charlie…both had left me.

Alice was all I had.

As I sat looking at the city unseeingly with silent dissatisfaction, I thought back on what had led me here, to this state of pain, this state of mind. The root of it all…it seemed like so little. White lies that turned gray before becoming as black as coal. Lies that spread like cancer infecting and killing. And people say white lies do no harm… Often times it's the small things that finish the job.

xXXx

On the wonderfully lit rooftop terrace of La Galerie a few of days ago, a preshow tradition took place, this time including Jasper. Before a showing Demetri, Seth, Alice, and I would drink wine on Seth's roof and discuss the order, placement and tone of the show.

We'd get drunk, play cards, and end up sleeping at Seth's place. In fact, it was one of these nights that Alice won her car off of Demetri. This night vastly differed from the ones prior, but not because of the new addition—I was different. Or screwed up, I couldn't quite decide which.

Wine glasses, paintings, conversation, photos, and friends surrounded me, and yet there was a missing factor. A pink elephant everyone was determined not to notice, but danced around like pros. I noticed him. How could I not, the fucker was huge, pink, and followed me everywhere.

Carlisle.

When I thought his name, my chest would ache. At first I was convinced he'd come back. Charlie begged me to live, to move on, but I refused to leave my flat in case he decided to grovel outside my door with a boom box eighties style. Days came and went and Carlisle never showed. Perhaps it was arrogant to think that he'd find life without me unbearable and return. I found life unbearable in Carlisle's absences. I was under the impression that he would feel the same—I was wrong. Empty halls and an even emptier bed showed me how wrong I was.

He walked away from me and broke my heart to pieces. Some nights while lying in bed, I asked myself how I could still yearn for him, every day, every hour. How could I still love him with the same profundity?

_Your love for him doesn't stop simply because he didn't return it, Bella._

I wanted to ignore the rational inner voice, but she wouldn't shut the fuck up. She never did. She refuted me when I told myself Carlisle had never cared. She was there when I told myself he was off somewhere completely fine. I wasn't fine. Was this who I was going to be from now on, a girl forever nursing a wounded heart? Was I to waste away in unrequited love? I would much rather be how I was before Carlisle—detached from love and content with what I had. Ignorance was better, feeling things hurt.

"Bella! Have you been listening to a thing I've been saying?" Seth huffed, dramatically setting down his wine glass. I tried to recall his words and came up with nothing.

"Seth, you know she 'asn't. Why do you ask such stupid questions?" Demetri hissed under his breath before continuing at a normal volume. "I talked to Charlie finally, 'e sounded terrible and it took me ages to actually get a 'old of 'im but 'e said 'e would be 'ere on Friday so mark 'is name down Seth. Jasper, these are the photos you're showing and the order they will be appearing, approve that for me, s'il vous plait."

Jasper looked at the paper nodding as he ticked off the photos and their placement. Demetri had taken him in his professional embrace as of late, setting up a showing or two for him in the coming months; one with me and a solo showing. Friday's showing was meant to give Jasper legs to stand on for the show he'd carry on his own. Alice watched her man with pride and I had to look away. Tears threatened at the mere sight of their intertwined hands. I reminded myself that she was my best friend and I wanted them to be as happy as anyone could be, but envy still found its way in.

It wasn't hateful envy. No, this was more like a painful, sickening longing for what she had and what I found myself without. The life I never envisioned for myself was everything Alice was now getting and I wanted it. As her maid of honor, helping her was even more difficult, but I did it, swallowing the burning in my chest as I listened to the wedding she'd had planned since she was twelve. Flowers, chairs, color schemes were suppose to serve as a distraction, but it had the opposite effect than what Alice intended. It wasn't her fault I was ruined. Jasper knew of course. Often times he'd pull me away from Alice and her Big Wedding Book and just sit with me.

"I like this…Bleu one for the twelfth spot Bella. What do you think Seth? It works well with Jasper's first…or last, depending on 'ow you start the show. Where 'ers finishes 'is picks up and vice a versa, no? It's perfect!"

"Hmm, I don't know…I don't hate it, but are you sure you want to include this one Bella? Wouldn't you like to keep _this_ one?" Seth's eye searched my face with sympathy before he screeched and glared in Ali's direction…Alice and her subtle kicks.

"What the fuck did you kick me for Alice?"

"Leave it alone." She warned through clenched teeth. Prodding the pink elephant was forbidden, Alice was laying down the law.

"Darlin', be nice."

"I'm always nice Jazzy, just not to everyone."

"Bella are you sure," Seth continued, risking further shin damage, "you might want it later, _after_."

My lip trembled, but I held strong and shook my head. I didn't want it.

Demetri sighed and asked me to look over the canvases I had sent over and check their order. Up along the wall and door that held double-edged memories the paintings leaned, each face pitying me as his words came back to me.

_"I love watching you like that, coming apart under me, over me. God, Isabella you have no idea._"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. It really didn't help, but the action was deceiving enough. With little enthusiasm I did as I was asked. They must have thought that being heartbroken impaired my hearing because they began talking about me in feverish tones the moment I stepped away. Abandoning the task—mostly because I had already discussed the order I wanted them in with Demetri a few days ago and was content with letting him believe that he chose this order—I listened to their conversation.

"Seth, what were you thinking asking 'er if she wanted to keep _that _painting? I told you 'ow she reacted when I ask the very same question. It took an 'our to stop the crying." Demetri hissed, yet again.

"I think she should keep it. I don't give a flying fuck what any of you or she says. She should keep it, for an artist its final when you part with a piece—it's not like books, Demetri. Books have editions and many, many copies, but there is only one _Painting_ and once it's gone… it's gone. That girl is making a mistake."

"Are we talkin' about a paintin' or _love_, cuz it sounds awful lot like were talkin' about _love_. Ali, don't glare at me like that woman."

"Seth, I agree, but talking about it makes it worse for her. Believe me, I've tried…she doesn't want to talk about it." Alice sighed. "I think she's going to regret selling it too but, it's not my place to tell—"

"Since when Alice, do_ you_ watch your mouth?" Demetri said distractedly. I knew from the way he sounded that he was checking his phone. Bonbon was in the States.

"Normally I'd tell her I think it's stupid and to hide the painting, but she's so damn sad all the time. She's here, but you know she's not _here_. I don't know…what to say or what to do."

I could almost see her tears. They all, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Felix had been dropping by to baby sit me. I knew it was out of concern, but I honestly didn't want the company of happy people.

I wanted to be left alone, to cry alone, and sit in a daze, read, or paint without having someone analyze me and my grief. Alice felt guilty and spent half the time apologizing to me while I drifted off to sleep. Jasper and Rose were identical in the way that they looked after me—they let me be. Neither Jasper nor Rose pried, Jasper sat quietly where he could see me. Rose made me fruit cups, ate my fruit cups, and talked to me about the twins. I wished Emmett would take a page for his wife's book. He was the worst, when he wasn't prodding or insisting that positive affirmations would help me ("I can love again" or "I am strong and beautiful, this won't keep me down"), he was watching me like a bug under a microscope. I could practically see him taking notes in his head.

"Joshua and I want to 'unt the bastard down of course, but on the business side…at least she 'asn't stopped painting. _That_ would be bad. She 'as stopped living, though. _That _is easy to see."

"Living…and eating. Has she decided to be anorexic or something?" Seth commented.

I frowned. I was not anorexic. I ate when I was hungry, it just so happened I wasn't very hungry lately. I instantly felt four pairs of eyes on my back. I pretended to be looking intently at the paintings.

"No! Asshole, she' not anorexic. She's been kinda sick lately though…her flat is like a death trap of reminders. We cope in different ways…_some people," _Alice emphasized to Seth, "hop right back on the fucking horse and fuck anything with two eyes and dick. Some of us eat chocolate, get fat and scream at romantic movies; others lose their appetite, mope and wallow."

"Ding. Ding. Ding. We have a winner."

"Seth," Jasper chided, "You call all that paintin' she been doing mopin' and wallowin'? No, no, she's keepin' herself distracted and tryin' to not fall apart. That's what she's doin' and I don't blame her. Bella needs to think about somethin' else, at least for the time bein'."

"What's that suppose to mean, _for the time being_?" Demetri demanded.

"Nothing I care to discuss right here and now." Jasper drawled his sweet southern accent thicker than normal.

There was silence from the table for a while and I looked at the paintings for the first time since walking over here, braving the one I hadn't been able to destroy. It was beautiful, but somehow melancholy for being homage to a happy memory. Perhaps it was tinted with sadness because I finished it after he left. The way everything stood today, this painting was a postcard to nights I'd never see. _Wish you were here_, it said, _but you're not_. I wanted it gone, sold to someone who had no inclining to the sentiment that lay there. I needed it gone.

The conversation picked up once more.

"So we've 'aven't 'eard anything from the bastard?" Demetri asked his tone harsh.

"Nothin'…but I'm sure he's hurtin' as much as Bella is. The man loves her, love like that doesn't just go away." Noises of disagreement moved across the table but Alice stayed unnaturally silent. "You guys don't know him like I do. Felix thinks so too. I haven't been able to reach him but Carlisle is hurtin'. Trust me."

"Well, if _Felix_ thinks so, then it_ must_ be true."

"You're absolutely correct Demetri, Felix's word is gold."

"Ya'll a bunch of sarcastic ass people…you don't know Carlisle, none of you do." said Jasper sounding thoroughly irritated.

I had known Carlisle, or thought I knew him.

"So, _you_ think he'll come back?"

I wasn't sure who asked but I was sure I didn't want to hear the answer. Couldn't they wait until after I left to discuss this?

"I—can—hear—you—guys. I'm not deaf and I'm not fucking anorexic! Merde!"

Luckily I had left all my things down stairs in the gallery. Shifting aside a painting, I opened the door and flew down the stairs before someone had the chance to say anything. My purse and helmet were right where I left them, it wasn't that I needed them both, I would have just left.

Mounted on my bike I felt a little bad for storming out, but the pain I instantly felt at the memory of Carlisle on this same bike overshadowed it. His arms around me, his thighs caressing mine as his lips rested on the side of my neck. My eyes slid close at the memory.

_"Let me touch you Bella, please. You're wet, I'm impossibly hard and I want to touch you, make you feel good, make you scream. Please."_

I felt my stomach turn and the urge to vomit rise in my throat.

_Don't Bella, not here. Be sick at home._

"Bella, honey," Alice was beside me, out of nowhere, standing tall in five inch tall espadrilles as my heart recovered from the sneak attack. I needed to tie a bell on her or something. "I'm sorry."

"It's…fine."

"No, it's not. I don't know what to do Bells. I want to help, but you cry when I mention him. You cry when I don't mention him. I'm worried about you ducky. I can't help but feel like this is my fault and…I'm sorry Bella."

"I know Alice, I'm fine." Deliberately I took a deep breath and prepared myself to say much more than I had said in a long while. "It's not your fault. I just need to be alone for a bit. You guys need to stop checking on me so much…ok."

She nodded, swiping a wayward hair away from my eyes. "But you're not fine Ducky, so don't lie to me. I wish you could talk to me about it."

"I can't Alice."

"When you're ready I'm here."

"Thanks. See you…Wednesday?" I bit my lip, remembering the last dinner and Jackson's many kisses in the efforts to make me smile. _No cry Joey, me give you tissy and be happy. _I loved that kid too much to tell him his tissy wouldn't help.

"Yeah, see you Wednesday, maybe we'll get lucky and Rose will want ice cream for dinner. That Texas breakfast was epic. Call or text to let me know you got home safely, ok honey. Don't forget."

I agreed and after putting my helmet on, I sped away towards home. Viggo wasn't the same as he once was; he purred in my ear like always but there was no needed to appease him. Memories of Carlisle plagued me, distracted me from the road.

I barely endured lift up, thinking back on the last few truly happy moments with Carlisle, the way he held me, the way he kissed me. I hadn't known those were my last moments…

When I reached my door I paused, mentally preparing myself before entering. Everything was as I had left it, empty—much like me.

I ached everywhere. I was humiliated, used and alone. At my most desperate I wished that I hadn't known what it was like to be with him, because perhaps I wouldn't be forced to exist this way. I wouldn't wake after a restless night with the same sense of hopeless despair, knowing that this day, the next, and the next would be the same as the ones prior.

But then I remembered how I felt in his arms and I couldn't regret him.

After locking the door I went into the bathroom and began undressing while the water warmed up. When it was hot enough I got in and showered, scrubbing and washing my body until my skin was pink and sterile. I thought I could scrub the pain away. As I dried my body in the steam-filled room I thought of the sweet notes he would often times write on the glass. _Good morning beautiful, Hope you have a lovely day._

I was drying my hair when I let my stomach turn. I guess my body had listened to me and decided that it was time to be sick…I was home after all.

Later the next day, I went to Charlie's in search of some comfort but found none. Standing on the _Bienvenue_ mat I felt everything but welcomed. A feeling prickled in the pit of my stomach, you know those feelings that you dismiss as a result of too much crime television. Something felt wrong, titled off it's normal axis. When I knocked, no one answered. I called both his cell and the home number, thinking that maybe he was in the garden, and again I got no answer. Slightly panicked I searched for my old key. Finally, I found it and let myself in.

The feeling intensified.

The house was messy and dusty. Bills were scattered across the table haphazardly and Renee's photo was askew. Just as I was about to start tiding up Charlie walked in the front door looking worse for wear, his clothes hanging off his body loosely. As far as I recalled his clothes never fit big, they were always just the right size.

"Dad," I questioned, sweeping my arms over the house.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

"I just…dropped by. I was going to ask if you wanted to eat or something but…the place looks…" Neglected. Forgotten. Ransacked.

"Yeah…I know. Hey," He shouted at me the moment I picked up one of his pill bottles. Startled I dropped it. "Why don't we go out to eat?"

"Sure."I agreed cautiously.

As he led me out of the house the feeling struck me again, begged me to take caution, nagging at me to notice something. We ate a tiny place he had always loved but Charlie was distracted and picked at his food much as I did.

I closed my eyes to the image of Charlie eating so listlessly. I should have known. What type of daughter doesn't notice?

xXXx

"Bella, honey." Alice called gently, breaking me from thoughts, "Are you hungry? Bella, you have to eat something." When I didn't answer, she came over and started playing with my hair. "Come on babe, you have to eat. Jasper made something white and tasteless but we do have left over Chinese."

"I don't want anything Ali, really."

"Not even raspberry tart? I got it special for you. Ok, fine but why don't you come with us. Jasper doesn't mind."

"Yeah, Bella, why don't you come with us?" Jasper suggested, joining his wife to be.

I shook my head and urged them to go and enjoy themselves. Jasper nodded sadly and left the room but Alice hesitated. I could see the conflict in her eyes, but she left after kissing my cheek, and handing me my cell. _Call me if you need me Ducky, please._ I agreed, but I wouldn't interrupt her night. I hadn't been too independent as of late and though Alice nor Jasper never complained I knew I was intruding on them. As their foot falls drifted, so did my mind back to the night I'd never forget.

xXXx

The art show was in full swing. People were crowding around photos and paintings, drinking and discussing the art they thought they understood. Words like _depth of color_ and _range of emotions_ were tossed around, but really, they were talking out of their asses, as most "art people" do. Jasper and I were standing together, off to the side observing the madness from a distance. It would always be difficult to sit in a room with people critiquing your creations. Some had come to buy, others to look and some, some had come to gawk at me like a sideshow freak, or tabloid Princess, whichever title held more truth.

I was now as infamous as my mother was, they knew me, whispered and speculated but at least it was only one man they mentioned and not half of France and its neighbors. I was past caring about it at this point. Felix had pulled all the photos, sued ICI Paris and any other rag with the balls to print illegal photos—illegal photos being the ones taken while Jacob trespassed. Jacob was in a world of legal trouble and safely kept away with a restraining order. Words could not say how much I loved Felix but I simply didn't care what was said.

Unlike other showings, I wasn't forced or pushed to mingle, instead, Demetri kept everyone away from me handling them personally and answering questions with his tailor made uncouth disposition. When I slipped upstairs to get away, it wasn't so much getting away as it was walking up the stairs to the rooftop at the encouragement of friends.

To my surprise, Charlie was sitting in one of the iron chairs, looking out at the twinkling lights in the sky. He looked at me briefly before he turned his head back up to the stars.

"Hey, dad."

"Bella," he rasped, still focused on the sky.

"I thought I was the only one that came up here during these things." I told him, sitting on the chair beside him, and turning my face to the heavens. They really were quite beautiful tonight.

"I just needed some air…I couldn't breathe down there."

"I know what you mean," I told him wearily.

"I know this can't be easy…tonight… I'm so proud of you."

"T-thanks dad..." I blinked back tears, tugging on the hem of my dress.

"You know, even now, I still see you as my little girl in the park, so many years ago. Do you remember that day…well, you were a baby but we've reminded you enough over the years…We took you out to the park that day—"

"Not the ducky story." I complained but he didn't hear me and continued.

"Because Aro said you needed to get acquainted with the park. I thought he was a fool, but agreed, mostly because I wanted to tire you out—you never slept Bella. Not minutes after we set you down did you go running over to the little pond or lake…can't remember which, but Aro kept an eye out while I set up but then you started screaming, Canard! Canard!, and I looked over thinking something was wrong. I relaxed when I saw the ducks were on the shore waddling around you. Bella, you started talking to the ducks in French and quacking along with them. They must have thought you were a duck too. Aro and I were in stitches and then—"

"I did the more adorable thing." I murmured dryly, having heard the story a million times.

"You did you most adorable thing. You started shaking your tush and dancing and quacking and when we asked you what you were doing you told us that it was your ducky dance. You cried when we called you to lunch. No, I'm a ducky not Bella, you pouted but came over anyway. Of course, after lunch you fell in the water. It was weeks before you got tired of the ducky dance. I think I even have a tape of it somewhere."

"Remind me to find and destroy that tape, dad."

"Please don't Bella." His voice was quiet and peaceful, clearly asking me to preserve a sweet memory of his. Charlie's usual gruffness was gone, his voice replaced by something that reminded me very much of a different man.

He turned to look at me, and though his face was half shadowed by the night, his expression gave me that same feeling I got the day before. There was a faraway look in his eyes…a look I had seen before but couldn't place.

"Bella, you know how much I…love you, right?" Charlie asked suddenly.

Aro had asked me that same question not so long ago.

He sounded like Aro.

His eyes, many shades different, looked like Aro's eyes.

"Y-yes…dad, I've always known."

My world sunk then and there. My heart pounded against my ribs as all my childhood fears came rushing back. Irrational fears that had kept me up at night since age six. Somehow, as I noted his pale worn face and sallow eyes, my rational voice said nothing to contradict my fears. For once, she was quite and it was pissing me off.

"Mon Coeur, do you know why I was so…adamant about you not getting mixed up with…well, you know I'm referring to?" I shook my head."I went about it the wrong way but I wanted to see you happy and I admit my biggest fear, besides him hurting you, was that he would take you from me."

"Dad…"

"No…please…let me finish. Bella, I need you to know a couple of things," Charlie paused, gathering his emotions and when he spoke; his voice carried an urgent timber.

"Bella, I haven't been so honest with you…I haven't been the best father—"

"Charlie that's not true." I told him with passion, grabbing his hand. Charlie shook his head gently, tears filling his eyes. Emotions weren't always so readily accessible.

My mind raced to understand why they were now.

"Yes, it is." He told me sadly, feebly squeezing my hand.

"When your mom left, I didn't know what to do with you. You were tiny and new and I was terrified, but I managed. I did the best I could; both Aro and I did the best we could. I know you blame your mom for a lot of things Isabella, but she's the reason you're here. Renee wasn't going to keep you. I never wanted to tell you this, but maybe you'll understand now…she didn't tell me about you until later. She could have aborted you and I never would have known, but for some reason she didn't. I thank God everyday for that reason. That is why I love her still Bella—not because I'm a fool or because I think she ever loved me but because of you and you alone. All of the things she did to me after she brought you to me meant nothing because of that one day. I think of all the times I could have lost you over the years and it amazes me. Every time you've fallen or broken something, it could have easily been serious. The bike. The cars. The traveling you and Alice did alone. Jake, and everything he did.

So many times I could have lost you."

"Dad…why are you telling me this?"

"But now I am going to lose you and neither of us can do anything about it. Don't cry Bella, just listen. I swore to God I'd keep you safe and I failed there. I didn't protect you Bella, not just from Carlisle, but also from me. All this time, I told myself I was protecting you…but…I wasn't. I haven't protected you from anything and I'm sorry."

"Dad…you're really scaring me." My heart knew the truth but I couldn't listen. No. I wouldn't listen.

"Bella, do you remember The Little Prince." He whispered softly.

The night went silent and I began trembling from his reference, the same one he gave Jake when his mom died. "Dad..."

"Bella, you are the only thing I have. The only thing that is important to me so let me give you the same gift the prince gave his friend before he left.

"The stars are lovely tonight, aren't they? 'When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that laugh.'"

Leaping out of my chair, I threw my arms around his neck. "Dad…please don't. Please…please."

As Charlie nodded against me that rational voice spoke up, recounting all the times I had found him tired, older, paler, and thinner. I had known, but refused to believe. As I cried harder, Charlie held me tighter, smoothing out my hair.

"Bella, it will hurt you sweetie but '...when you're consoled…you'll feel like laughing with me. '"

"Dad, you can't leave me too." I told him quietly.

xXXx

The stars were lovely this night as well but I didn't feel like laughing and I wasn't consoled. I recalled his last moments with me, the last breaths he took around me and I realized that I didn't even get a real goodbye.

After leaving that night, I went to Alice's flat where, after talking about everything we both cried together. The next morning I received a grave phone call from Emmett telling me that he had found my father sitting in the garden. He passed away silently, without fanfare in the middle of the night, under the stars.

It turned out that Charlie had been sick for more than a year and decided not to tell me. Prescriptions, pill and bills lay proof to a long time of silent suffering in the name of protection. Some part of me was angry by the presumption that a lie would be better than the truth, just as I had been angry when Aro told me he was sick after it was already too late. I couldn't see how Charlie would think a lie would protect me better when the truth was what I needed, as family, as his only child. If I'd known I would have done things differently, had time to prepare myself.

Fuck, I would have taken better care of him.

It all happened so quickly, one moment he was alive and the next not. Two days ago I had a father and now I didn't.

I was an orphan.

He had his affairs in order, but I didn't want or care to see what else I had inherited by the loss of a loved one. I sat in his house and waited for them to take him away. My whole life revolved around Montmartre, around my father's house and his loved and now it was gone. It would never be the same. Before I left, I took Renee's picture off the wall and threw it away. It had all started with her and though I was thankful that she decided not to end my life, I couldn't find love for her.

She left me and the rest followed from then on. I didn't care that she chose to leave, I didn't care death took my grand père and my père. Some people had choices and other had choices made for them by God and no matter what Charlie said I wouldn't love her.

Perhaps Charlie was a saint after all.

Or maybe he was a grateful father

I was sitting in the same place they left me when Alice's front door slammed suddenly. Startled I banged my knee against the railing making an awful toll, but with the yelling they were doing, I was sure they didn't hear me.

Fuck, I was going to get one hell of bruise.

"I'm calling him, Alice. I can't take it anymore."

"Like hell you are Jasper!" Alice screeched in a decibel I had only heard once, when we were in school and someone spilled ink all over her red leather Mary Jane's. "She doesn't need this right now, she's gone through enough. Jasper you are not calling him! I…I…I forbid you to."

"You forbid me to? I love Alice but you can't just go round forbiddin' me things. I have to do somethin' and callin' him is the best I can come up with. She loves him and she misses him, Ali. And she needs him now, more than before. How can you ask me to sit here all day, every day and not get involved? Medlin' is what you do! You can't expect me to just do as you ask and let her continue sufferin'."

I listened, hugging my throbbing knee.

"Keep your voice down, Bella's probably sleeping. I've told you like…oh I don't know, a million fucking times that I don't agree with you. I know that you and Felix seem to think that Carlisle was sorta noble and shit for doing what he did but I don't want him around her. Carlisle could have done so many other things besides leaving her. There were a million options…He got scared and ran. He chose to leave. You know it and I know it. So help me God, Jasper Whitlock Hale if you call him…"

"What Ali? I'm callin' your bluff, darlin', what would you do? Not a damn thing and you know it. Don't you understand woman, the reason I love Bella at all is because of you. And then Carlisle went and fell in love with her and it was finished, she became family. You think I like seein' her like this? I don't, I fuckin' hate it and yeah, Carlisle made a huge mistake. He's an ass and he'll have to take that up with her but she needs him right now. I get that she's grievin' but this ain't your decision."

"It _ain't_ yours either." She taunted, stressing his vernacular.

"I'm gonna ignore how you just made fun me right there, Mary Alice. But you're right, it's her decision and I hear her callin' his name in her sleep every fuckin' day and night, so I guess that settles it! You do what you want, but I'm callin' him. "

"It's not going to help Jasper, it'll make things worse."

"Maybe it won't help, but maybe it will Ali. Have some damn faith, will ya. Aren't you the one that said they belong together?"

"Jasper!"

Again the door slammed but this time I walked out and stood in the doorway. Alice had her back to me unleashing a storm of French and English curses, stamping her feet. I spoke up when she stomped a little too hard in her stilettos. They were her favorite pair and I needed answers.

"What are you keeping from me, Alice?"

The cussing stopped and she whirled around to face me. "I knew I heard you bang something out there. What was it, your elbow?"

"Knee, and don't change the subject. Answer me Ali."

"Bella, I was going to tell you…I was waiting for the right time, sweetie. I thought maybe…"

The look on her face had me feeling sick. I imagined the worst possible things happening in Chicago.

All I knew about the city was that it was windy and had famous deep-dish pizza, but anything could happen anywhere. I begged her to tell me quickly before I got sick, but when she did, I suddenly wished she hadn't said a thing. I felt worse. I didn't think that was possible.

"Carlisle didn't leave because he wanted to Bella; he left because Dick and Jane blackmailed him to."

Blackmailed? This shit happens in mob movies, not real life…not in my life.

"How?" I breathed, feeling queasy.

Alice recounted the information Felix had dug up in detail, right down to the fact that Jane and Carlisle had been in University together back in the States and that she had no intention of selling the photos after she got what she wanted. I listened to Alice's words and everything started piling up one on top of the other, smothering me. I felt trapped, surround by failure and loss, betrayal and lies. Lie on top of lie. Jake, the pictures, the gossip, Jane, Caius, Carlisle, depression, Charlie, more depression…the room was spinning and my stomach along with it. I realized that Alice was right. He could have done anything, and yet he chose to walk away.

Renee had choices.

Carlisle had choices.

"Alice?"

"Yeah, babe?" I didn't notice when she had walked over to me, but suddenly I was thankful for the arm around my waist.

"I'm gonna be sick."

* * *

**A/N: The next chapter is already written, so an update is in the very near future. Be kind. Leave me some love.**

**XX  
Autumn**


	31. If you need me

**A/N: I thank all of you! You awesome people, you. Reviews and your thoughts, kind words, even threats of bodily harm via rocks put a smile on my face. I love reading what you guys have to say.**

**Marissa, thanks, a million thanks. =)**

**Enough talking and on to the chapter. Be kind and Enjoy.**

* * *

CPOV

The taxis outside of Roissy were thin on the ground and I couldn't rent a car at this hour. After the eight-hour flight, my thoughts weren't any more subdued than they had been after that phone call, if anything the anxiety had swarmed to fever pitch. I highly doubted that I would relax until I saw her face.

Finally, I spotted a lonely cab with billowing clouds of smoke pouring from the crack open windows. Boldly I climbed in and rested my eyes for a few moments, waiting for the driver to notice me.

Every single day, hour, minute that I endured without her had been filled with despair and displacement. I finished out the school year with a seminar and resigned.

I simply wasn't the same. I tried to go on as if nothing had happened, but that only lasted a day or so. Even Eli, my neighbor and long time friend had noticed my perpetual foul mood and the man was always bloody working. I spent two months being as reclusive as possible, staring at my only connection to her—the painting that hung regally among my books—only leaving my house for the most necessary of things; toilet paper, food, water and Excedrin. On those rare occasions when I did see sun light, I snapped at everyone.

All because of one April.

All because of one women who changed me irrevocably.

Bella

I missed her like mad, craved the absurd way she spoke in a mixture of French and English. I missed the conversations, the intimacy we shared, the smiles she gave me. I missed her scent, the feel of her hair in my fingers. Every morning I woke in search of her soft, warm skin only to find cold empty sheets. It was hell.

I had been spoiled with a sweet compassionate woman who loved me, kept my nightmares at bay and made my soul complete, and now that she was gone, I felt useless, drained of any purpose. So I didn't venture out of the apartment because she had never been to Chicago. I couldn't imagine Isabella here and walking on the streets. Everything here served to reaffirm what I already knew.

I had lost her, left her and I could only blame myself for her hatred.

If I were her I would loath me.

In those moments when my mind would toy with my emotions, I loathed myself.

I injured myself and the desolate feeling replacing my love exceeded my threshold for pain. I almost wished I could blame another. But there was no one to be angry at, no one to lay blame on. I knew it was a monumental mistake to leave. I felt it when I left England and it only got worse once I landed in Chicago. Why I did nothing about it I can only attribute to my stupidity as a man and my fear as a lover.

My musing was interrupted by the cab driver's inquires as to where I was heading. If it weren't for the fact that I needed his speed, I would have told him stop being so damn inquisitive and simply drive. Tersely I rattled off Jasper's address and closed my eyes.

_"Carlisle, it's me Jazz. You need to come back to Paris...its Bella."_

Two months and the mere mention of her had me on a plane within the hour.

Why?

Because I was a selfish bastard and I needed her as I hoped she needed me. I loved her. I couldn't survive this way any longer.

After I regained a pulse, I begged Jasper to tell me what was wrong. A million disasters ran through my mind, each equally as horrifying as the next. The worst one being her bathed in blood on the lonely stretch of road between her home in Axi and civilization, broken and...I couldn't allow myself to follow that thought to conclusion. He didn't tell me much but what he did tell me was enough. I broke down on the phone when Jazz mentioned how little she had been eating.

Why was it that she stopped eating whenever something happened to her?

Once again, the cab driver interrupted my thoughts to let me know we had arrived. Quickly I paid him, got my bag and went inside fearing what I'd find.

Jasper wasn't at his place so I ventured up to Alice's door. Wherever Alice was, Bella was sure to be.

"Come in Carlisle," Jasper murmured as soon as the door opened. Taking him in his appearance, I noticed that not only did he look drained, but concerned, helpless.

The situation must have been hopeless for him to call me.

"Don't expect a warm welcome. Alice is out for your balls as is everyone else. And truth be told, I don't blame any one of them. A lot of people here don't want to see you."

Instead of responding I simply asked where my gir—Isabella was. She wasn't mine anymore; I had given up that right. Jasper caught my slip of the tongue.

"You're right she ain't yours, you made that pretty damn clear in May. Bella's in the bathroom with Alice." Jasper snapped.

He sat down, thrusting his face in his hands. "The bathroom?" I questioned, joining him on Alice's couch.

"She hasn't been keepin' anythin' down. If she isn't cryin', she's lookin' at the sky, and if she ain't doin' that she's barfin' her guts out. It's worse when Ali's at work, she doesn't trust me like she does Alice and there ain't much I can do about it. Mostly I just sit with her, get her water."

"What happened to Charlie?" I asked trying my best to ignore the pang of jealously I felt towards Jasper for simply being here, close to her.

"He had been sick for a while I guess...Emmett found him sittin' in his garden the mornin' after our show. Bella didn't know he was sick, he didn't tell her. It seems that you and Charlie shared the notion that keepin' Bella in the dark protects her. Bullshit if you ask me."

I looked down at my shoes, shame flooding my entire body. "He did what he thought was best…obviously he was wrong. What did Charlie have?"

"He was wrong…yeah _He_ was. I don't know, somethin' to do with his heart."

How could the world be so cruel to her? She was alone, no mother, no father, Aro had just passed not that long ago.

She didn't deserve this.

"Jazzy she's finally asle—" Alice stopped the second she saw me. I stood not knowing what to do and watched her expression shift from alarm to unadulterated fury.

"You! What the fuck are you doing here? You broke her heart," she rushed me, smacking me hard across the face while she continued to shout and cry tears of rage. "You broke her. You bastard, I trusted you! She trusted you. I've kicked one ass already and I'll do it again, I swear I will. Get away from here; get the fuck out of my house!"

The slaps gave way to punches as she grew angrier, my body was already in pain before her assault and now it was worse but I didn't attempt to shield myself. I let her hit me; I took my penance because she had the right.

She had trusted me with something precious and I fucked up. I knew it, had known it for two months. Wrapped in self-torment I hardly noticed that Alice had not only ceased beating the shit out of me, but was now arguing with Jasper.

"Who the fuck do you think you are Jasper Whitlock Hale? I told you not to call him. Have you lost your fucking mind? You're lucky I'm not kicking your ass! This is the last thing she needs... Answer me, what the fuck were you thinking!"

"I was thinkin' that he had the right to know what was goin' on. Do really think Bella can get any worse! He might help...I told you I was callin' him, this shouldn't be a surprise."

"Yeah, but I never thought you'd be stupid enough to actually do it and I never thought he'd get on a plane and show his face around here. Get him the hell out of my face before I do something _you'll _regret."

xXXx

I wasn't sure how long I had been sitting on Jasper's couch after Alice had kicked us both out but it was now six in the morning, my head was pounding and my heart was beating entirely too fast. I needed to see her even if she would yell at me or hurl barbed words that I deserved. I needed to see her.

I needed it like I needed my next breath…

I was so close to her yet separated by misdeeds and stupidity.

"You have nothin' to say or even apologize for?"

Where had Jasper come from?

"I thought she was different to you. You said she was different. Was she like the others at the end of the day? Fuck and leave-'em, I thought you were past that; at least you seemed to be. You used that girl. What happened to you Carlisle?"

I seethed in my seat. It was never like that with her!

"Fuck you Jasper; I'm not that person anymore. She isn't like the others, she never was. I love her and I did what I thought was right. Tell me if Alice was threatened what you would do? It's not so simple to see the right decision when you're actually in the position of making it. What would have you done in my place? Judge me if you'd like, but you have no idea the agony I felt—have been feeling since leaving her. What would you have done Jasper, if you had been in my place? You weren't there; you haven't had to deal with what Bella and I have had to. You're angry, but it has nothing to do with Bella, and everything to do with your connection to Alice, so spare me."

"No, fuck you! You left her, but you could have done it differently. You could have told her, she has connections and money. One conversation with her and you'd still be together, you wouldn't have wasted all this time. You didn't want to leave, I get that, but you couldn't have come back after seeing your sister. After finding out that the pictures were out…you could have faced this with her, like a man. Why didn't you?"

I looked at him confused as to how he would know I went to England.

"Felix called Lizzy. Felix found out why exactly you left, since you didn't talk to any of us. Felix has been doin' what you should have been doin'. Why didn't you come back then Carlisle? I know you love her but you're a fuckin' coward. You ran from her when she needed you. How are you any better than her mother? How is what you did any different than what Esme did all those years ago? Have you forgiven her for how she left you? You have a lot fuckin' apologies to make."

He pushed himself off the couch and starting pacing angrily across his apartment. The scene was quite wrong in my mind. Here my younger cousin was dragging up all my mistakes and past iniquities…I deserved it, but no one likes being called out on their mistakes, especially when said mistakes are already eating away at them.

"I called you! Emmett, fuck even Rose told me to leave you in the dark, to just let Bella heal on her own, but I gave a fuck enough to call you, to defend you to all of them. I called knowin' that Alice would be pissed, knowin' that I'd be the bad guy."

"I'm pretty sure I'm the villain here Jasper, your white knight persona is spotless as ever."

"Villain, as you fuckin' should be!" He raged, clenching his fists. "I'm mad as hell and it ain't got a thing to do with Ali! You didn't have to watch her fall apart! You didn't have to watch any of it...you broke her. She loved you, and she still loves you…even now. You left her, abandoned her, just like her father said you would. Did you know that she calls you while she cries, while she sleeps?"

"Stop," I begged.

"She hasn't been talkin' to anyone. She tries to hide it, but she doesn't sleep in her bed anymore. Her apartment is like hell to her. That's why she's not goin' home Carlisle, because you're not with her, because that bed, her things, her safe place reminds her that you left. She ain't safe there anymore."

"Jasper…please stop." I pleaded, suppressed emotions rising up in my throat, unwilling to be smothered any longer.

"You need to own up to it, listen to what I'm saying because you have no clue how badly you fucked up. How could you do that to her? How?" He yelled.

"I made a fucking mistake Jasper!" I screamed bolting off the couch, shaking with rage and remorse.

"I never wanted to leave her, I had plans Jasper. Have you ever known me to make plans with anyone? I had plans for us Jasper but I made a mistake. I wanted to come back after I found out, but I couldn't and the longer I waited, the harder it got. Do you think I wanted this?"

I sank back down, in defeat, "Do you think that I want to be without her...I don't. All I want is her."

I was so tired, tired of enduring. I let everything out, purging my thoughts and fears and surprisingly Jasper sat beside me listening to every word, every anguished cry.

I knew I broken her, abandoned her, but to hear how badly I injured the only women I loved since Esme was unbearable. How could I have been so callous with her? I hadn't deserved her then and I was even less worthy at this point. I struggled to understand why Jasper would even inform me. Who knows how much more damage I'd do to my sweet broken angel. Broken...I had broken her.

_"Carlisle you're going to break me...all of me. I just know it."_

Her words came back to me. I had promised her that I would never make her hurt. I broke every promise I ever made to that girl. I stole from her, took her youth as Esme had taken mine and forced her to endure the agony that broken me so completely.

"Why did you call me? Haven't I hurt her enough? Her father is gone...what can _I_ do for her?"

"We're family, Carlisle, and whether you realized it or not, Bella became a part of it. I love her like a sister and you are my brother. She needs you; she says it all the time."

"I don't deserve her Jasper. She told me she loved me and I walked away. Maybe I should stay...away." I choked on the last words. It burned me down to my core. I would stay away of it meant she would heal. The fact that she had wounds at all was entirely my fault, I would ache and yearn for her, but I'd stay away if it was what she wanted.

"That's nonsense, Carlisle. Everyone fucks up and you'll have to make it up to her…it won't be easy, but Bella isn't one to hate. She'll forgive you Carlisle."

"She knew Jasper…she knew I'd hurt her from the beginning. And now Jas, she's in so much pain…what if I can't make it go away?"

"Pain is there for a reason Carlisle; it lets you know you're alive. Truth is, everyone is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

I raised a brow at him, Bob Marley. He was quoting Bob Marley to me.

"What, the man knew his shit and I may be pissed at you, but you're worth suffering for Carlisle and I ain't alone in that school of thought. I believe in you guys." Jasper slapped my back and cleared his throat, "Listen, I have something for you."

I nodded absently, thinking over what he said. Was I worth suffering for? She was, I would suffer for her on the drop of a dime.

"Seth and I sorta did somethin' bad but I figured that you needed to see this." Jasper gently put a painting down in front of me. He was saying something about going to talk to Alice when she walked in.

She looked at me with narrowed eye, ready to attack once more, but when she saw the massive canvas at my feet, she gasped, and looked to Jasper for explanations. As they spoke, I examined the painting, knowing the artist and her gift thoroughly.

The scene was quite realistic for her, but managed to hold that surreal edge that made her the brilliant painter that she was. Where my painting at home was melancholy, this one was hopeful, romantic in an effortless way. Still painted in shades of blues and purples, she recreated a very special night to us both. Under stars and secluded from the world the couple in the painting loved, it was easy to see it.

I wasn't an art connoisseur, I didn't make claims of knowing acrylics from oils, but I knew what feeling it evoked within me, what feeling dripped from her luminous sky. It was love, in the stars that reflected on the water. In the face of the man as he held his lover so tightly. It was as if she painted us from an outsider's perspective and it was then that I knew she had loved then, as I had unknowing loved her.

If could go back to that night, if I could crawl into the painting and tell her…how different things would be.

"I can't believe you saved it for her Jazzy," Alice whispered. "You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you…thank you so much, baby."

"You're welcome darlin'…now can I ask for a favor?"

xXXx

Reluctantly Alice, after much begging from Jasper on my behalf, allowed me to see Bella, but only because she was sleeping and under the condition that she stay in the room with me like a pint size chaperon. Clearly, she was letting me know that she was no longer on my side, which was utterly justified, but fuck it was lonely on my side.

If I had thought hearing about how difficult these months had been for Bella, seeing her was infinitely worse.

Her normally thin frame was even thinner, bones protruded from beneath her pale skin, hallowed cheeks, and a sickly complexion. Her freckles more pronounced and under eyes I knew would look haunted and empty, purplish proof that she hadn't been sleeping stared back at me. I wasn't stupid enough to think that all of this was because of me. She lost her only family just days ago; it was natural for her to shut down like this. Simply because I expected it, didn't make it any easier to watch.

"She's looked like that since you left. Bella loved Charlie, but I think his death was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak…" She trailed off, eyes fixed on her friend.

Once again, I felt a rush of shame for what I had done to her. "She's too skinny, too pale. God, Alice what have I done to her?"

She sighed and put her hand on my clenched fist, "I'm not saying this to hurt you, but you have to know that Bella hasn't been herself since you left. She believed you; put all her trust in you...and then everything went to shit. You failed her. Charlie didn't help either; he kept telling her that he had known this would happen. She kinda just started fading, she hasn't been keeping anything down for weeks and she hasn't really slept or talked much. Even I couldn't get to her."

This was too familiar. My heart couldn't take this, not again. I would lose her permanently. I strangled on air, my thoughts racing ahead of reason. Would Bella jump off the building, would I be forced to face her broken and bloodied body, her funeral?

With a trembling hand, I caressed her sharp cheekbone, mourning the vibrancy I couldn't find. Her lips no longer had their ripe berry hue; I had even stolen the color from her beautiful lips. What type of monster was I?

For what felt like ages, I watched her as she toss and turn, her eyebrows furrowing and ragged breaths rattled in her chest. It disturbed me how much she seemed to have wasted away.

"I know. She's lost about ten pounds she couldn't afford." Alice spoke softly, sadness breaking through her musical voice. "Ducky's been so sick lately."

My heart stopped before picking up a much quicker pace. _Calm down or you'll have a heart attack. _"Alice...how has she been sick, ill as in sneezing and coughing or sick as in vomiting and fatigue?"

She didn't answer me but her eyes widen when I placed my hand on Bella's flat stomach.

Could she be...

"Carlisle, I don't think—"

"Alice, I've been gone for two months. She could be." I didn't dare to hope—I'm not sure I had the right to hope. She could be or could not be, but if she was, she had spent the first two months alone with her heart broken.

_I was such a prick._

I looked over to Alice and found her glaring at me. "What are you suggesting, that Bella fucked someone else because she was so depressed! She's hardly left her apartment!"

I winced at her words and the mere idea of someone else touching Bella. Did Alice really think I would assume the baby wasn't mine? There was no doubt in my mind that it was mine.

"No, Alice. I know Bella, she would never do that. I'm saying is that it's a possibility. It makes sense, we were together our last night in Provence and we hardly ever used protection because Bella was on birth control and we...we…" I trailed off blushing at the memory of that conversation.

Bella had explained to me that she didn't want to use protection after our tryst in her kitchen because she enjoyed the sensation of my being truly inside her, without a barrier. And seeing as both of us were safe and pregnancy wasn't a concern I agreed with her. No feeling compared to that of sinking in Bella unsheathed, flesh-to-flesh.

Obviously, we might have been wrong about pregnancy not being an issue.

"She told me about that." She smiled but it was more out of habit, not joy. God was nothing private? "Why hadn't I thought of this? I'm losing my touch. I should have noticed."

"Maybe she hasn't even noticed or..." I trailed off, my mind suddenly plagued with the thought that perhaps she had noticed and simply chosen not to tell me.

No, she would let me know at the very least.

"Carlisle, I doubt it's crossed her mind. A lot of things have been going on since you left and she's been out it, a missed period wouldn't be a concern of hers. She's barely concerned herself with anything, but you and art. If she had noticed though, Carlisle she would have called you. Bella of all people knows how much this would mean to you."

Tears burned in my eyes, but holding them back was impossible. My angel was sleeping restlessly and there was a very real possibility that she was carrying my child. Not only had I hurt her, but also my baby.

I had so much to atone for.

"Alice, if Bella is...pregnant I need to—"

"You need to what Carlisle?" Alice snapped, easily falling back into protective mode. "You need to remember that she's grieving for her father right now. She doesn't need to deal with you or this right now. You're not a priority, and she really shouldn't see you anytime soon."

Fuck this little pixie was starting to piss me off.

"Alice you need to remember that if Bella is pregnant, I have as much right to worry about her well being as you do." I all but hissed at her; not daring to scream lest it wake Bella. "She needs to start eating properly. I need her to go to the doctor. I need to know if she's ok, if the baby is ok and I sure as hell need to make sure that Bella gets everything she needs and wants.

"You have no idea how much it bothers me that her natural reaction to stress or heartache is forgo eating. She needs to be healthy and not just for her sake, but for the baby!"

"You left Carlisle; you think it's going to be easy to get back in her good graces? If she's pregnant, she might not want you around, _because_ you left. What's to stop you from leaving again? How is she supposed to trust your word?"

Her words hit their target; I had asked myself the very same question since hearing from Jasper. Shamed and chastised I gazed at Bella longingly.

"I don't know Alice but I was stupid enough to leave her once—that was the biggest mistake I've ever made, and I've regretted it every day for two months. Even if she wants nothing to do with me, I will be here, for both of them. I'm not leaving Paris again. I need them both to be healthy. I can't lose her or the baby, I won't. I'll do anything to win her trust back Alice, anything."

"And if she's not pregnant and this is just stress?" Alice asked, softening a bit.

"And if she's not pregnant, I'm still staying here. My life, my love, my home…everything is here. I made a mistake Alice, but I love her."

"She doesn't know you love her, Carlisle."

"It was obvious—"

"How? She isn't a mind reader, Carlisle. I know you love her, Jasper knows, as does everyone else, but she doesn't know and no matter how many times I told her she wouldn't believe it until she heard it from you. Bella told you how she felt, why couldn't you return the favor. She doesn't say those words to just any one…and she has been in love with you since the beginning."

Bella whimpered and with a sinking feeling in my stomach I remained seated, as Alice tended to her. I remembered well how I broken things off with her and I wondered how much her love could forgive, if she could forgive me at all. I would pay any penance, endure any punishment she deemed fit, as long as I had her forgiveness.

Jasper was right; I had so many apologies to make.

"Alice," I spoke softly, tears readily spilling from my eyes. "You're the closest thing she has to family now. Charlie deserved this apology, but, can you forgive me for what I did?"

She nodded, batting tears away frantically. "I forgive you, but I'm still pissed at you. I don't trust you around her anymore. You've done a lot of damage Carlisle."

I nodded solemnly, "I know Alice. Do you think she'll forgive me?"

"I think so, with time."

"Do you think she'll let me be a part of this...if she is—"

"Carlisle?"

In spite of how hoarse her voice sounded, it was unmistakably Bella.

Her eyes were mere slits, and even through them, I could see how much they had dimmed. She still took my breath away, even in this state. The pleasant warmth of just being in her vicinity filled me.

"Isabella."

I moved to stroke her hand, but she jerked it away from me and looked to Alice. Her reflex cut me, but I could hardly blame her. I waited silently as she wordlessly asked Alice to leave and after some hesitation and a quite pointed warning to behave myself Alice left, closing the door behind her.

"Isabella…I—"

"Please." She spoke with her eyes closed as if the sight of me was as painful, as the sound of my voice. The silence stretched between us, each minute adding to my panic that she would simply kick me out without hearing what I had to say, without giving me a chance. When she opened her eyes tears spilled down her face and I fought every instinct to not wipe them away.

"I know that we have a lot of things to say to each other and we'll have that talk, another day. I don't want to hear your explanation or apology right now, I know everything and I need so much from you but…Can we just pretend, for a little while that none of this crap happened? Can you just be Carlisle and can I just be Bella? No blackmail, or painful breakup…can you do that for me?"

"Of…of course, anything you want…sweet girl," I croaked.

She sat up, resting against Alice's tufted headboard and I notice another change about her. Hair that used to fall down to her back now hung in lazy tendrils around her jaw. It was an appealing change. She noticed me noticing her haircut and blushed, feebly telling me that it was new. I smiled at the stain that colored her cheeks and waited for her to be ready.

"Carlisle," She whispered after some time.

"Yes, Bella."

"My dad died."

I saw how much saying those words cost her and I felt her pain.

"I know, baby." I reached for her hand again and this time she didn't pull away, she gripped my hand in hers.

"I haven't said that out loud…to anyone yet. He's really gone, Carlisle. He's gone…" Tears welled in her eyes, falling down her face. "Can you…can you please…I need…"

Knowing what she was asking for I joined her on the bed and took her into my arms as she surrendered to the overwhelming fear that comes with losing a parent. I knew what she was feeling, and I sympathized with her; I lost my father around her age.

Words are superfluous, condolences only give comfort to those offering them, but never the one faced with death. I lent her the only comfort I could give, understanding silence.

Cradled in my arms she cried, clinging to my shirt with her small fits. Hearing every tear and sob, broke my heart. Instinctively I held her closer, aching to sooth her in any way I could. I cooed in her ear reminding her softly to breath, rocking her back and forth, rubbing her back while she laid her head on my shoulder.

"Does it ever go away," she whispered, "…this feeling?"

I sighed, wanting nothing more than to protect her from the truth. "No, honey…it never really goes away."

After some time her tears dried, her body relaxed and she drifted off to sleep in my embrace, as she always had. Careful not to wake her, I placed her under the sheets. Unsure as to whether she'd feel comfortable with our sleeping together I started to climb out of the bed, but her slender fingers gripped my hand impossibly hard.

"Bella sweetheart I'm just going to sit in the chair. I'm not leaving." I assured softly, desperate to remove the fear in her eyes.

"No. Please…I need…can you hold me?"

I could hardly deny the request; I wanted nothing more than to hold her. She smiled sleepily and closed her eyes when I removed my shoes before joining her on the bed. Bella was already asleep when I wrapped my arms around her for the second time today, so she didn't hear me when I told her how much I loved her or how sorry I was. With my arm as her pillow and a hand protectively splayed across her exposed belly, I kissed her temple and breathed in the scent of her.

Feeling more at home than I had since leaving her side, I began to tell my maybe baby the same story my father had told me, of a little prince that lived on a star.

I knew this was short lived, that this trust would soon fade and I'd have to account for my actions, face the consequences, but now, today, she was in my arms and it was enough.

I was home.


	32. SacréCoeur

**A/N: I am humbled by all of your words, and grateful for every ounce of support, love and anger, you all *Warning* This chapter was very emotional for me, I cried, so you might as well. Tissues are helpful.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

BPOV

_"Venez à moi vous tous qui peinez … je vous soulagerai… car je suis doux et humble de cœur!" _

**Come to me all who are in pain… I will relieve you… because I am gentle and humble of heart!**

The past few days had been sleepless, taxing, and filled with hours I would rather forget than revisit, my father's funeral being one of them. Now that the dust had settled, so to speak, my mind was free to focus on the one person I had deliberately put out of my mind; Carlisle.

Or rather the state of my relationship with Carlisle.

I woke before dawn Saturday morning beside the man my heart most craved. His lips pressed against my neck, his jean-clad legs entwined with my bare ones, and hot hands resting on my stomach. Confused and disoriented, I at first I thought I was dreaming. It wouldn't be the first time I dreamt of Carlisle wrapped around me, all forgotten and perfect but too soon, perfection faded. I recalled how I had fallen apart in his arms, how lips that had wounded me months ago soothed away present pain. Carlisle had come for me. Lying there enveloped in his warmth I almost forgot what he had put me through, I wanted to forget and simply bask in the love I imagined radiating from him, but I couldn't.

Gently I moved his hands from my stomach and went to sit on the overstuffed chair near the bed. Knees tucked under my chin I looked at his face unblinkingly afraid he would vanish. The two months had changed him; his honey gold hair was overgrown, no longer was he clean-shaven, neat and orderly and in every soft line, around his mouth and eyes, there was a new sadness. He had suffered as I had, perhaps more. For all the stupidity of his actions, I knew it had to have hurt him; I never would have been able to leave him. I didn't possess the strength.

Stupidity and fortitude, he was stupid nonetheless.

In his sleep he smiled and for a moment all the suffering written on his features drained away leaving him happy. I enjoyed seeing it. I couldn't say that I was completely happy to see him; his face did bring me pleasure, but also pain. The last time I had seen his eyes and mouth, they were cold and hard and unfeelingly telling me that our time had come. Even now, knowing the reason, I still felt a painful prickling in my stomach. All of this heartache and suffering, loneliness could have been avoided.

As the sun broke over the horizon, birds in nearby trees chirped their cheerful melody I cried silently, cheerless.

He woke when the streets burst to life, cars honked and the fine people of Paris began their day, searching the bed for me and coming up empty, he bolted up right in the bed and called out to me, his voice quivering anxiously. I didn't answer him; I was too absorbed in his panic to speak. Without noticing me, he leapt out of the bed and rushed to check the bathroom and I assume the rest of Alice's apartment. He came back to the room, sank into the bed in defeat, and cried.

"Carlisle," I whispered, ashamed that I hadn't answered him. I had driven him to these tearful sobs.

He looked up, tears still in his eyes and forced a smile. "I thought you were gone."

I shook my head, but didn't move to comfort him in any way. I wanted to, more than anything I wanted to feel him close to me, but the truth kept me back, guarded, safe from rash forgiveness until I could tolerate his explanations. He knew, by the look in my face or simply because he knew me, that we were back on guarded ground.

"When you're ready Isabella, we need to talk." His words spoken as evenly as he could, given that his face was twisted in pain. I knew how he felt; this conversation would not be quick or painless.

The words, we need to talk, were reoccurring in our short relationship, almost to an ironic point.

"We always do, don't we, Carlisle." I whispered, tears forming on my own eyes.

xXXx

After that morning, I kept my distance from him, safeguarded my heart against him, as futile as the action was, but never did I ask him to leave out right. I didn't want him to leave because, as much as I hated to admit, I needed him. No one understood why I needed him, neither Alice nor Jasper, who had called him in the first place, but they didn't complain or question me. Emmett and Rose seemed to be as wounded as I was, if not more by him, but their children were innocently happy to see their uncle. Seth, Demetri, and Joshua were livid and treated him as if he were a leper. Felix, I was told, was to blame for the deep purple shadow across his cheek. In spite of this treatment, he remained there, on the outskirts, always silently watching me, always ready should I call for him. Each day that I didn't wore on him, I could tell, see his eyes grow sadder as days passed, but he never left me.

While I tried to make frivolous decisions about flowers and plots and hymns to be sung, Carlisle smiled from across the room when our eyes met. He sat in the pew behind mine during the vigil and prayed, always with his hot gaze on me as I kept mine on the coffin sitting on the altar, his breath on my neck reminding me that he was there. At the funeral this morning, his hand slipped into mine lending me strength when mine was waning and as swiftly as it had slipped in he withdrew his hand and reminded me to breathe.

Here, in this holy place, in this place where people from all over the world came to be healed, to have their prayers heard, perched above Paris I came to see if it would do the same for me. Before ascending the stairs, I lit two candles, one for Charlie and one for Carlisle. So far I didn't feel healed, soothed as I thought as hadn't let myself think before today.

My father was buried and laid to rest, his affairs were in order and once again, I gained materially from death. The house, his tools and things, all his savings were mine. Where I would have preferred my people, I was given things, companies and trusts. Where I wanted truth, I was protected.

All the men in my life were the same. Both Carlisle and my father were the same.

Who would have thought they'd have a common thread? Who were they to decide that I needed protection? Both attempts did just the opposite and caused more pain than comfort. My father left me with a sense of stolen time and Carlisle left me broken, unable to repair myself. If either one of them had had the courage to tell me the plain truth they could have saved me, protected me better than any story. I waited for fury, but found none.

Could it be that I was too hurt to be angry?

They say anger is easier, the opposite requires more strength of mind to endure. I felt like I should be angry, I had ever reason to. Right?

I was so lost in thought that I hadn't noticed that Carlisle was standing behind me. I knew it was him; his unmistakable scent swirled around me in the cool summer afternoon air. I didn't acknowledge him, hoping that he would stay silent, that he wouldn't force me to confront him and his abandonment, but when he came to stand beside me to admire the view, the distant city and pink sky I couldn't go on ignoring him.

"How did you know where I was?" I asked turning to face him. Why did he have to be so striking, even like this…I wanted him.

"I don't know, but I've been looking for you for a while and then I just had a feeling you were here. Have you eaten?" I nodded and noticed that he looked so tired; his eyes were bloodshot and shadowed. I tried to swallow the urge to stroke his face. "Good. You've been…sick lately, Alice tells me…have you been…sick today?"

I shook my head and again he answered with relief.

"Are you ready to talk me?"

"I don't know." I looked back down at the city, hating the way my voice quivered, my heart pounded and lips ached to feel his.

"Ready to listen, perhaps?" He whispered tucking a stray hair behind my ear. Again, I stayed silent and Carlisle sighed painfully, putting more space between us as if he thought it was what I wanted.

I mourned the distance, but said nothing and continued leaning on the column for support.

"Bella, please look at me." I did as he asked and for a long moment, he just looked at me. His eyes roved over me from the top of my head to my sandaled feet, lingering on my stomach before meeting my eyes again. I didn't know what to make of him, of his perusal of my body and face, but his gaze made me feel exposed in way being naked before him never had. My skin prickled, and cheeks flushed. He moved to touch my burning cheeks, but checked himself, fisting his hands.

"I thought I was protecting you. It was all I could think to do."

Suddenly, the fury I had been unable to find rose up hot and wild, ignited by a word. Protecting! Protecting!

He thought what he did protected me? The gall, the nerve!

"Quelle connerie! For someone so intelligent, you are incredibly stupid." I spat. "I'm sick to death of everyone trying to protect me. I don't need to be protected…least of all by you."

"I deserve that."

"Yes, you do! Why didn't you just tell me Carlisle, why you didn't come to me. You said from the beginning that we were in this together, as partners. Partners don't make decisions for one another; they make them as a team. What you did to me, it didn't protect me Carlisle…it ripped my heart out. You hurt me. You left me, do you understand what that did to me, what it still does to me when I think about it."

His breath hitched before he spoke, "I'm so sorry Bella, you can't know how sorry I am."

"Why Carlisle?"

"I was…scared." He said simply, begging me to understand.

"That's not good enough, Carlisle."

"Why not Bella?" he asked, his cheeks coloring with anger. "Why you can feel fear but not me? You can be afraid of telling me how you feel, of talking to me. You can be afraid to tell me that you love me, but my fear means so little to you. That's hardly fair."

"Fair! You want to talk about what's not fair, Carlisle? It isn't fair that I fell in love with you and you didn't fall in love with me. It isn't fair that I was here, missing you, loving you, and you were oceans away from me, knowing what you did hurt me, knowing the truth. I deserved to know! Maybe I was scared, but at least I told you how I felt. I never would have walked away from you."

"How do you know Bella? How do you know what you would have done in my place? Had someone threatened to destroy me the way you were threatened would have let them do it? Would have let them drag my name through the mud and do nothing to save me Bella? I can tell by your face that would have done anything to protect me, because you love me. If I had come to you that night and explained it you…you can't know what choice you would have made."

"You didn't give me the choice! Are you so blind that you don't understand? You stripped me of my choice, damn it! I deserved a choice in all this!"

"Yes, you did. I made a grave mistake Bella, but have some reverence; we're in a church still." Carlisle warned, looking around for any tourist or nostalgic French man lingering around the dome.

Catholic reverence dies hard.

"There's no one here and I don't care about reverence right now. I think God will forgive me, under the circumstances, do you think? I care about this, about you and about us. I know that I wouldn't have done what you did, because I love you. I would have faced anything Jane and Jacob threw at me as long as I knew you were beside me. I would have moved heaven and earth the stop them, offered money, made threats, anything but be separated from you. Do you think me that weak of a person that I would sacrifice you because people are going to say horrible things about me? They said horrible things anyway and I faced it without you. And guess what, it hurt because you sacrificed me. I love you, I put myself out there for you, I told you that I loved you.

" I've never said that to a man that wasn't my father or Aro before, and you said nothing. When the time came for you to do the same, you walked away from me."

"Bella…"

"What?" I screamed, advancing on him. He stood unyielding, looking me in the eyes as I yelled.

"You're sorry. You made a mistake. You were scared. I've heard this already. I got it. You were scared but guess what…so was I. I was scared the whole time, but you assured me you wouldn't leave. You promised me, you tricked me into feeling safe and then you lied. Scared?" The word scorned me, what a poor excuse. "I was scared, but I stayed. You don't get to use that as an excuse Carlisle. You think that every time you get scared you can just say those words and I'm suppose to just forget that you left me here thinking that I meant no more to you than every other girl you fucked along the way."

He winced and so did I. The truth was harsh.

"Bella …you mean the world to me. No one has ever been more important to me. No one. You weren't just sex or a toy. I never tricked you. You were never that girl to me. I fell in love with you."

No. He didn't. He was lying.

"No. I honestly thought I was you future, I believed everything you told me, and in the end it was lie." My breath started coming in gasps, shaking my body. Why was it that everyone lied to me?

My dad. Carlisle.

Could I trust no one to tell me the truth?

"You're lying to me. You don't love me. It was all a lie."

"Bella," He gasped, shocked by my accusation. "Nothing that we had was a lie. What I feel for you is not a lie and to say it is…is sinful. Our relationship was hidden and a secret, but never a lie Isabella. How could you believe that? Do you think so little of_ me_, of what we shared? I know that you felt it just as I did. I couldn't recognize it right away, but I love you. I would never say those words to you if I didn't truly love you. You don't believe what you're saying; I can see it in your eyes Bella!"

Shaking my head, I fought with myself. He lied. He was a lair. A sliver tongued Charlton bent on getting back my heart.

I had to keep it safe.

_Then why are you still hurting? If you're safe, why does it hurt so much to deny it? He loves you._

No, he doesn't.

"You're angry and you have every right to be angry with me, but you do not believe what you're saying. You know that I love you. You can't lie to yourself or me. I've seen it Bella and I see it now. "

"No." Carlisle wrapped his arms around me, heedless to my struggles or my fists beating against his chest. "Let go of me Carlisle. Let go of me."

"I won't let go. I love you." The more I fought, the harder he held on to me.

"No. Let go…please." I begged through sobs, the conflict of both loving and wanting to be done with him. Guarded was better, safer. Love brought pain and heartache, mistrust and lies. I wanted none of it.

I wanted to be safe.

"Bella, you don't want me to let go of you. Be honest with yourself," he pleaded.

"No. Let go Carlisle, let go." I cried, vainly trying to free my arms. "Your chivalrous misguided attempt to save my reputation means very little at the expense of breaking my heart Carlisle. I needed you and you walked away. You…left me alone to face everything, the whispers, the rumors, the fights…everything. I thought we in this together, that's what you said. I believed you. You lied to me."

Repeatedly I said it, willing myself to dwell on only that and not the proof that he was here, arms like a vice around my wilted frame, declaring love.

"You lied! You don't love me. You didn't fight. I would have fought for you Carlisle!"

"I know, I didn't fight then, but I'm fighting now. Stop fighting me." His voice was steel in my ear, impossible to resist. "Please Bella. I know you're hurt, and so am I, but please stop this. You know that I love you."

But I still I tried to resist. He lied. He left. He didn't love me.

"No. No. You're a liar."

_He loves you. You know he does. Who's scared now? How feeble is the excuse now?_

"Bella, what do you want from me! What do you want me to say? Ask for it and I will give it to you. Anything, nothing is out of reach. Bella I'm begging you to stop fighting me. Look into my eyes and see how much I adore you. Please Damnit!"

"What…what do you want from _me_? I gave it all to you…I don't have anything else." It was true. He had everything; I gave it freely to him. "How can I trust you? How can I be with you and know that when things get hard or scary, you won't leave. I don't know that and I don't know if…there can be an us. I don't know if I can ever trust or love you."

A cold water feeling dashed across my neck, smothering out my fury. As soon as the words fell from my lips I wanted to take them back, not only because of the effect they had on Carlisle, but also for the spasm of excruciating pain that struck my heart. The possibility of a lifetime without Carlisle was a grim existence, painful, and pointless one. Dull and gray, without any hope.

Carlisle released me and staggered back a few steps as if stuck by my words. The face I loved paled in the afternoon sun; eyes that had always seemed impossibly blue to me, drained of their color, turned tortured and pleading. His features struggled to gain control, and in the end gave up the feat. He surrendered to his every emotion, despair, disbelief and misery. I watched mortified for hurting the man I loved so much. I wasn't a vindictive person; I didn't strive to settle old scores or injuries with more injuries. Was it evil retaliation that drove me to say those words? I didn't feel them; there was no truth in them.

I loved him, still. Just as strongly, if not more than before.

"Please don't say that…Bella, please don't say that." His Adams apple quivered as he spoke. He fell to his knees and bowed his head to the ground; his shoulders trembled, as he choked on air. "Bella, oh God… please."

I was struggling with the sight of him like this, so reminiscent of the Carlisle that laid his past at my feet, broken and prone on the dirty floor. Oh Carlisle. My heart's desire broke from my lip without notice or permission, but I hardly cared. I wanted him.

I wanted him and only him.

Hearing his name with such need, he looked up at me through his misery, crawled the short distance, and gripped my hips desperately. "Please Bella. This is my worst fear…please."

"What are you afraid of Carlisle?" I asked, unable to keep my hands from caressing his bearded cheek.

"Losing you!" He exclaimed, pulling my body closer, fingers digging into my skin. His words were frantic, his tone feverish, and to be completely honest I forgave him the moment he looked up at me, wet gold lashes and watery eyes, because in them, I could see remorse, truth in every word.

"Don't you see Isabella, I was…am terrified of losing you. I lost everyone I loved once before, and it made me a different man, a worse man. I could not stand the possibility of losing you and what that would do to me. I have family and I love them, but you Bella…you are mine just as I am yours. I love you the way I have never loved another person. I couldn't stand to lose you because of my failure to act. My failure to stop something from ruining you. I'd rather lose you by choice than have you grow to resent me for what became of your reputation because of me and our relationship, or for you to grow to hate me or fall out of love with me. I couldn't bear it. I was scared of losing you and your love. I didn't know how much I needed your love until I stepped away from it. And now…I'm losing because of my stupidity

"I know what I did was wrong, I detested leaving you and every step between us gnawed at me. I could barely stand to walk away after what you confessed to me, but Bella…I would do anything to keep you out harm's way. And I foolishly thought that this was the best thing. Bella, I love you and it clouded everything else. I needed to make you safe, even if it hurt me. I should have come back. I should have never left, but I should have come back to you. I should have come back."

My heart broke as he wept against my stomach, begging for forgiveness, and ensnaring me in his strong arms as if he thought I'd leave him. I realized then the depth of the fear that gripped him. I remembered his mother, and his loss of Edward and then Esme and then his Father. It was preemptive, walk away before I could walk away from him, before I could break his heart. It was better to leave me loving him than to be forced from my side, loveless, better to keep me safe than face the possibility of my resentment.

"Carlisle."

Threading my fingers through his hair I felt such pity for how broken he truly was. My poor tortured man. He had never recovered from his loss, not completely. I suppose there was no other person walking this planet that could understand him the way I did.

We both had lost, selfish ideals stole our mothers, and death took our remaining loved ones. Death was just another form of abandonment, one no person could control. We were quite a pair, full of fears and the predisposition to assume everyone would abandon us if given the chance.

"I didn't mean it Carlisle…I didn't mean what I said."

My words sobered him, gave him a merger amount of comfort, but instead of rising to his feet as I expected, he began to cover my belly with kisses. His lip burnt through the gauzy fabric of my shirt, pressing along the band of my jeans, each hipbone and navel. When he grew tired of my shirt hindering him from the feel of my naked skin, he lifted it out of his way and continued to lavish me with his kisses. His sudden obsession with my stomach puzzled me, but I wasn't about to complain, I had missed his affection, his tenderness, and the feel of his lips on me, any part of me. His lips were always so soft and warm.

"I love you...more than I had the courage to tell you when I first realized, and I love you even more now. Please, I beg you to forgive me Bella. Don't force me to lose the two of you. I can't face it again. Please Bella, don't shut me out of your heart or this experience. I love you both so much, so much. I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart and soul, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you this way. I never meant to hurt either of you. _Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own_…even more dear now Isabella."

I smiled at his ability to call forth such words at such a moment. If my fury hadn't already completely dissipated, those words would have melted it instantaneously. "I do love you, I never stopped. Carlisle, would I hold you this way if I hadn't already forgiven you."

"Thank God Bella."

"Carlisle, I forgive you and I love you but—"

"I know Isabella. Je sais mais pas maintenant, s'il vous plait." He breathed and after agreed he went back to murmuring against my exposed stomach for several minute. I didn't mind really but it was getting a bit odd.

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?" He answered without looking up at me.

Amidst the tears and golden stubble, he looked calmed, at peace, so boyish in his happiness that I was hard pressed to find a moment when Carlisle had looked more attractive to me. I resisted the urge to bend down and kiss him. We still had a long way to go, much to rebuild. We were different, as great as we had been we were far from it now.

So much had been lost...

"Not that I don't enjoy what you're doing, but what is this sudden fascination you have with my stomach?"

He froze and asked if I had spoken to Alice this afternoon. I shook my head, bewildered at his nerves. He scampered to his feet and began pacing, muttering to himself about Alice and her plan. He was making me dizzy and finally I got tired of it and yanked on his arm.

"What are you freaking out about? Tell me?"

With a heavy sigh, he asked about how I had been feeling as of late. Still in the dark as to his motives, I recounted how I had been sick, tired, and sleepless, and had no real appetite, but I couldn't see how the effects of my depression factored in. Gently he suggested that I sit, but I stood my ground and demanded an explanation. I wouldn't stand for coddling.

"Carlisle," I warned.

"Bella, my love, you've been tired, and food holds little appeal, you're ill at random and your emotions have been, well it's suffice to say they've been up and down for the past two months."

"Yes…but Carlisle I don't understand." I huffed, frustrated with the way he was looking at me, glittering eyes at something that obviously was eluding me.

"Bella, think." He urged, his eyes glittering more.

"I am thinking!"

Smiling innocently he kissed my cheek, placed a hand on my stomach. For a second I tried to comprehend the gesture, the look on his face, in his eyes and what it had to do with his sudden affinity. When he caressed my stomach and urged me to think, it hit me like ton of bricks.

_Don't force me to lose the __**two**__ of you._

_I love you __**both**__ so much, so much. _

_I never meant to hurt__** either**__ of you._

I couldn't be pregnant, could I?

xXXx

I was in shock. I had to be in shock because I didn't recall the climb down from Sacré-Coeur's dome; Carlisle must have carried me down the endless stairs. I had no idea how exactly we came to be in an empty spacious flat, sitting on an espresso colored leather couch. My heart was pounding in my throat and though my wits were scattered I was conscious of Carlisle's hand rubbing circles on my lower back.

It felt heavenly but…

Pregnant. I tried to recall my period, but those months had been murky. I couldn't remember. There had to be some sign, some explanation, that this was all just one big misunderstanding. I couldn't be pregnant. I was on birth control. I couldn't be. I mean, I _could _be, but I wasn't sure I wanted to start rebuilding our relationship while also concentrating on growing a human being. Nope, not the way I wanted to start this.

Hormones, morning sickness, big boobs and an expanding tummy and aches and pains, and having to push a very big baby out of a very small hole…I sounded superficial to my own self, but I needed to heal. This was the wrong time for this; I wasn't ready for something like this. Having a baby was stressful and emotional. I wasn't ready, not to mention I had been neglecting my body these past months.

That realization came swiftly, bringing with it so many insecurities and mistakes I had made these first crucial months. I had been unconsciously starving my baby, robbing him or her of a restful place to grow and the nutrients it needed. Already I was doing as bad as Renee had.

I was already a failure.

"Bella, sweetheart, why are you crying? I know this is scary, but I'm here and…and well, it isn't written in stone that you are in fact pregnant. If it's any consolation to _you_…you might not be."

"Oh, I forget…I could not be. That's…good." I was relieved, but Carlisle winced and looked down at his lap, obviously hurt by my reaction.

"I understand Bella. You don't want to have a baby…but is it me you object to having a baby with or the general idea?"

"Carlisle…I…" I didn't know how to broach the subject and as I tried to think of something to say, his Adam's apple quivered and his hand ceased to move on my back. I remembered the many kisses he laid on my stomach, the way he said that he loved us, both me and our child, and the unmistakable joy he exuded while trying to let me in on a secret he had been overjoyed to discover. Of course, this was his deepest desire. I felt horrible.

"I see… it's me."

"Hey, look at me…it's not you Carlisle. It's just that I never pictured this. I never thought having children. And now is not an ideal time to be pregnant, we have a lot to work on still, and we're not ready. _I'm_ not ready for this."

He smiled and nodded in agreement, but his eyes were sad and kept falling back to my stomach as if to say, "I'm ready."

Sitting back on the couch, I leaned slightly into his side, smiling when he dropped a kiss on my temple. Some of the fear had faded with his commonplace fondness and I found myself imagining what having a baby with Carlisle would mean. I was sure that he'd be attentive, neurotic, and more than likely wrap me in bubble wrap to keep me safe, but it would be out of concern for both our child and me. Our child, just the thought of it made me smile.

_I love you both so much._

Already he felt love for a person as tiny as sea horse. Carlisle was the type of man meant to become a father; he was a singularly devoted and loving person. He'd cling to every new development while he or she was in the womb, track growth, read and speak to the baby so it would know his voice. He'd buy things, baby proof, and read books, all with the goal of being the best possible father in mind. He'd take care of me, sooth any ache, get any craving no matter the hour or obscurity. He would tell me I was beautiful while I felt less than cute, make love to me tenderly, and let me know that I was loved, desired, and cherished. And when the day came to push the sucker out, he'd be beside me, holding my hand, reminding me to breathe, thanking me, crying, and crowding the doctor for a peek at his baby. I could see it quite vividly and it surprised me how much I actually did want it. Today or in a few years…I wanted a baby with him.

Mon Dieu, not even a couple again and already I was naming him the father of my future children.

"Bella," He spoke against my ear, nudging me with his nose, "look."

I looked down at our hands and blushed. During my daydreaming, I had pulled both our hands to rest on my stomach. "You wouldn't do that Bella unless you wanted this, even just a little.

"I know, this isn't ideal and I know that you're young and you never planned on having a baby but…you seem to want this and I want this. Words can't express how deeply I desire to have a child with you. I'm no fool, I know you don't trust me at the moment and though you've forgiven me, you and I are not where we were prior to my leaving but nothing would make me happier than having a child with you, I've been dreaming about this, almost every night I slept beside you. I love you and …our baby. I…know you might not be pregnant but…I want you to be. I've been living these past few days as if you are."

"And if I'm not Carlisle?" I asked, unsure as to why the thought left me feeling so empty.

He was quite for a long time before he spoke; my guess was that he needed time to come to grips with the possibility. "I suppose I would just have to accept it."

"Would you be sad?" I asked gently, playing with his trembling fingers. I felt him nod against my neck and heard him suck in a few shaky breaths. "Do you want to know a secret?"

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

"Before, when I was crying, it wasn't because I didn't want a baby; it was because if we are…I've been starving our baby." I paused to gather myself. I hoped I hadn't done any damage. "I haven't been sleeping or eating much, or taking care of myself…I don't want to be like Renée. I want to be a good mom. I would be…sad too…you know, if it turns out that we aren't."

"Do you think you're ready to find out? Alice bought some tests for you…she said she was going to talk to you today. I thought you already knew, it's why I was looking for you, otherwise I would have given you your space but I…" He trailed off, making a passive gesture with one hand.

"What?"

"I thought you might…want me around." I smiled at how shyly he admitted this. "So…can we find out?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. Time to face the music. As we walked to the bathroom, I noticed just how bare the place was, there was nothing but the couch, a large leather bag, a few books, a laptop and the Liverpool mug. While Carlisle rooted around the bag, I wondered what this place was, if it was another rental or if it was slightly more stable than that.

"Carlisle, I've been wondering," I started when he pulled the dreaded home pregnancy tests from his bag. "Why did you come back?"

He had been busy, hunched over all six of the tests Alice bought—yes, I said six tests—but when I finished he was standing to his full height, eyeing me curiously.

"You want to know why I came back, isn't it obvious? I came back for you, all Jasper had to say was your name and I packed a bag and left. I didn't think about it, all I thought was that I couldn't be without you anymore. There's nothing in Chicago for me."

"Did you stay because…because I might be pregnant?"

"No. I belong here with you and I will stay whether you're pregnant or… not. I was never meant to leave. This is my home… Now, let's go find out if we're going to be parents, shall we?"

I felt the color drain from my face and the air leave my lungs in an audible whoosh. My pulse was jack hammering yet again. Shit, this was nerve wrecking. Carlisle came over to where I stood by the doorjamb and told me that he was nervous too and led me to the bathroom. I sat on the closed toilet seat while he read the box carefully to himself, murmuring that it was a good thing she got the ones he had researched. The fact that he had researched pregnancy tests warmed my overzealous heart. Just to be through, he read the directions out loud.

He wasn't trying to comfort me before when confessing that he was nervous, I could tell, his voice shook as did the hand holding the deceivingly innocent box.

The directions were pretty straight forward, unwrap, uncap, pee, drain in cup, recap if desired, place on a flat surface, window up, for two minutes and then, voila, blue plus sign there's a bun a cookin' in the oven, negative sign and…well you get the picture.

"Ok, ok….ok. Ok."

How many more times was he going to say that word I wondered? He said it few more hundred times before I intervened, effectually ending his endearing nervous prattling.

"Carlisle, give me the test and please get out."

"You're funny," he said deadpan. "I'm not leaving."

"Can't a girl get some privacy?" I said as I tried snatching the test from his fingers but the man was tall and he held the test over his head.

"Bella, please, I know every inch of you. I'm not going to watch you pee. I just want to be here…ok." I sighed, cheeks burning at the prospects of having to pee in front of him. I knew it was ridiculous, the man had seen, and kissed, and licked my entire body, but I was suddenly very self-conscious. "No need to blush, sweet girl, I'll turn around and turn on the water. Ok?"

I gritted my teeth, and seeing that he had won he handed over the test and kissed my head. He did as promised, but told me that it was senseless for me to be embarrassed; if I was pregnant, he was going to be on me like glue for the next seven months. I rolled my eyes and did the deed. My hand trembled as I recapped the test and set it down.

Two minutes and my life would change. Our lives would change.

Plus or negative…God I hated math. It was the difference between bringing a life into the world with Carlisle, and not. Somehow both alternatives seemed desirable, one more than the other but…still.

"Bella, breathe. We'll be ok." I nodded, eyes zeroed in on the plastic wand. I don't know what I was waiting for it to do, jump off the counter and sing, hit me over the head and tell me to use a damn condom…I wasn't sure. Carlisle seemed amused. "It's not going to catch fire; you don't need to stare at it that way."

He could tease if he wanted, I had my eyes on that thing and I wasn't going to let it out of my sight.

"You look tired Bella."

"Thanks." He pulled a face and told me he wasn't being rude, just concerned. "I haven't slept since…"

"Me either. It's been too long since I've had a good night's sleep." I understood what he meant; I too was having trouble sleeping. "It felt incredible sleeping beside you again. I think it might be what I missed the most."

"Me too... Friday was nice, I didn't have any nightmares."

"You've been having them, all this time?" I nodded, wondering how much time had elapsed. "I'm sorry... I know how you feel. I've been having some troubling ones as well."

This surprised me, as far as I knew he was a restful sleeper for the most part, only when his memories stirred, he slept poorly. "Think they'll go away now?"

Dragging a nervous hand through his hair, he told me that he certainly hoped they would. I hoped so too, for both our sakes. We slipped in to tense silence; again, the test on the counter took presences in our minds. It just sat there, looming, feigning a benign likeness to a magic marker.

This was the longest two minutes of my life.

Carlisle checked his watch and frowned, "Not yet…"

Hours passed in those two minutes and when Carlisle asked me if I was ready, I panicked. The words were so heavy they fell like lead on the cold polished tile.

Are you ready?

For everything to change yet again? For my body to become an incubator? To grow a person and be responsible for his or her well-being? Ready to not have any of the afore mentioned concerns?

I wasn't ready. It was too soon…couldn't the two minutes last a bit longer, a year perhaps?

Stepping between me the source of my panic he took my face in his warm hands and forced me to look in to his hypnotic eyes. "Isabella, honey, please relax. Breathe. You can't panic like this baby; you're going to make yourself sick. Look at me and not the damn stick. I'm here with you, whatever it says, that won't change. Ok?"

What would happen if I was pregnant? What if I wasn't?

When I didn't answer him, he plucked me off the seat and sat down with me in his lap. "I know you're nervous…I am as well but this needs to be done. We need to be certain. Don't you want to know honey?"

"Yes…but you look. I can't." I buried my face in his neck and listened to the frantic thump of his heart. I felt him reach for the test, heard the plastic tap against the sink, but he didn't say a word.

The world went still and quiet, wind didn't rustle the leaves, nor did anyone voice their summer enjoyment, it was as if nature knew that we were about to be changed irrevocably, and commanded silence. His heart too lulled beneath my ear and palm, but what that said of the results I couldn't tell. I asked, but still Carlisle said nothing. Curious, I peeked out from his neck and saw for myself.

"Carlisle…" I looked at him and wordlessly he handed me the stick.

We took every test and each one was the same and the next day my doctor confirmed what six EPT pregnancy tests told us.

The news stung like I hadn't expected it to. Tears escaped every so often before Carlisle dashed them away; never saying a thing, but sharing in the disappointment. How could I grieve for something that never was? How was it that I felt so empty now that I knew there was never anyone in there?

The coffee came and Carlisle took my hand as a group of mothers and their children hurried by.

Whereas before I had never paid attention to prams or their occupants, now I saw them everywhere, rosy-cheeked babies, and pregnant women were on every street corner. I thought of the life I had pictured just yesterday, Carlisle building a crib, me pregnant eating frozen yogurt, the baby with blue eyes, and hair like wheat. I wanted it.

It had taken me but a few minutes to adjust to the idea, and now that it was gone, I felt disheartened.

"I'm surprised by how much this effecting you," Carlisle murmured quietly, stirring his already stirred coffee, the low ting playing metronome to our conversation. "I'm disappointed too."

_Ting. Ting. Ting._

"I really thought…" I tried off, not brave enough to say the word.

_Ting. Ting. Ting._

"I know. I did as well, Bella."

_Ting. Ting. Ting. _

"What do we do now?"

I expected more tings but they had come to a stop. The silence drew my attention to the handsome worn man across the small table.

His eyes were glassy and looking at something behind me with naked admiration. Turning I saw a little blue eyed boy sucking on his hand, smiling gums at Carlisle and I. My heart wrenched in my chest and I turned away before his mother could see my eyes and mistake me for a baby snatcher.

God, this was terrible.

When Carlisle finally spoke his voice was thin and quiet enough that only I heard him."I honestly don't know Bella…I suppose time will tell."

* * *

**A/N: ****The French words Bella spoke mean Bullshit and Carlisle said, "I know but not now, please."**

**Who can tell me where Carlisle got the quote he used in his plead for forgiveness?**

**Till next time Darlings****.**


	33. I'm Your Man

**A/N:**** First and foremost, Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the reviews and alerts and favorites. My inbox was/is my source of great joy. Secondly, I'm so sorry that I have not replied to you wonderful people. FF was being difficult and I was not getting my review alerts and then one day they all showed up. I want you to know that I read them ALL! and each brightened my day.**

**Thank you to my beta Marissa, hope you are enjoying your time in New York.**

**I listened to Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Man while writing this. Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

CPOV

July melted into August, Paris emptied as the French went on their voyages and the streets went quiet and placid. My life however did not match its surroundings, though it was quiet, days blurred indoors, writing and watching the city through Emmett's office window.

After Bella and I discovered that we were, in fact not pregnant we both found ourselves in a place we had never been in before. An awkwardness that not even in those first minutes at Sir Winston held materialized between us. It was as if we didn't know how to act around each other now, we weren't strangers. We weren't a couple. We were two people in love, lost and trying to grope our way back to each other in the dark. The last actual conversation we had had before the unease settled in was in that tiny out of the way café. She asked me what happened next and I was as vague as I could be.

_Time will tell_.

What a load of rubbish!

I wished I had known what to tell her, that I hadn't just sat there dejected and mourning a life that had never been alive. I felt foolish for latching on to such a hope with such little evidence. Of course, I realized that it was better this way; I had heard Isabella and shared her concerns. Having a child under these circumstances would have been like building a house on an unstable foundation. Doubt would always linger in the back of her mind, asking whether I stayed for her or the child. Trust her to be intelligent while I let my dreams of babies and pregnant Bella run away with me. After the shock wore off, she told me that it was best this way. I agreed, but it didn't save me from the deluge of what if's.

Her reaction at the doctor's office gave me hope, that someday, when we managed to fix our relationship, when the time was right she would be happy to start a family with me.

Emmett cleared this throat when he entered, leaving the door ajar so he could keep an ear on the twins, should they get up from their nap sooner than expected. I greeted him from the couch and waited for him to take his seat, dreading what we would discuss today and how far he would push me.

"So, what would you like to talk about?" Emmett asked folding his hands in front of him, his expression calm and open, as every therapist should look.

"Heavy question Emm," I told wearily.

When you look at Emmett Therapist is not the first thing that comes to mind. You think Football player, Model, perhaps even Chef if you happen to catch sight of him in the kitchen brazing lamb shanks. However unlikely the link between Emmett's appearance and his actual profession may be, he was the only therapist I'd ever trust.

The last time he asked me that question we had just finished a wonderful Wednesday dinner, Bella was playing with the twins while Alice, Jasper and Rose discussed God knows what. That was the night I told him about my plans to stay, that was the night I sought council in Emmett my therapist instead of Emmett my cousin and now he was taking up the role yet again. Naturally, only one thing—or person really, came to mind as the answer to his very casual inquiry.

"Bella."

He sighed and shook his head, "Carlisle, I know how much you enjoy talking about Bella, looking at Bella, thinking about Bella but we've had three secessions and you spent them all talking about _Bella_. Not today, I'll pick the topic if you can't. Why don't we talking about…fear."

I shifted in my seat; therapy was a venerable place, open, naked and exposed. I didn't like it; I came because of Bella. "What about fear?"

"What are some of yours?"

"Emmett, you know them..." Even to my bias ears my voice sound less steady than I would have liked.

"Yes, I do but it helps, gives them a sense of reality if you say them out loud. Give them names. Carlisle, what are your fears?"

For a moment I refused to speak, not out of rebellion but simply because I couldn't voice them.

"Is it safe to say that your chief fear is loss? You fear losing people."

"Yes," I whispered, my voice cracking with the simple admission. "Yes, I do."

"Does this fear touch on death or just loss in general?"

"Both, losing a person is the same whether they die or not, obviously if they die it's much more permeate but it…I feel the same way."

"And how is that?"

"Hurt…alone…deep agony…Need I go on?"

"No, I get the idea. Who have you lost Carlisle?"

"Emmett, what does this have to do with Bella?"

"See, now we're back to Bella." Emmett's neutral tone remained but I could tell he was getting frustrated with me. "I understand that you want her and not being with her is throwing you off balance but you have to focus. In here, I decide when Bella gets brought up. Now, who have you lost?"

"My father," I croaked, looking down at my hands. Why was this harder than the last time?

"Good, tell me about him." He seemed quite pleased that I had chosen my father.

"My father was born in Rye, Sussex. Um, I look like him, or my sister always said I looked like him. He was a simple man, small things made him happy; me and my sister and my mom, our life and our family. I remember him being very involved with us, he never missed a match or school play and I could always go to him with my thoughts and problems. He was…a great man, a very wise man."

"You admire him that goes without saying." His eyes flicked to the door briefly before coming to rest back on me. "How long were your parents married before they divorced?"

"Twenty years." I frowned, twenty years out the window. "Then it ended in one night."

"Tell me about that night." He prompted gently.

My heart shuttered at the memory of that night, Lizzie and I had just come down for dinner, they were in the dining room, Dad was seated at the head of the table and my mum sitting on the opposite side, hands on flat on the table. "My sister and I were there, and she just blurted out that she had had enough and she was leaving. We were shocked, the house…the house was never quiet, I mean with two grown teenagers quiet is abnormal but that night…it was unbearably quiet. Then he asked if she was sure. She said she had never been surer of anything in her life. My dad nodded and told her that she could keep the house and he would leave the next day. We ate dinner that night in the same unbearable silence and…Umm...I left the next day with my dad."

"That had to be difficult to witness. How did you and Lizzie react?"

"It was. Lizzie cried while she ate dinner and I didn't eat dinner. I remember I just sat there trying to figure out when she stopped loving our life…I could tell Dad was doing the same thing."

"Why do you think he left?"

"I don't know…perhaps to be spared the pain of watching my mother leave. Maybe he was protecting my sister and I. Like I said I don't know what made he decided to leave, I just know that we stayed in England long enough to get the divorce papers and then we left."

"Hmmm, and your mom, what do you think she did?"

"What do you mean? She didn't do anything… the next year I heard that she married some rich man and that was the last I heard before we got word that she had passed away."

"That's not what I meant Carlisle. As a mother…what did she do that night?"

"She…she left, Emmett. It's black and white. She kept Lizzy and let me go."

"You could have stayed?" He suggested.

"No, I couldn't leave my dad and besides she could have asked for me when dad got the divorce papers, but she didn't. She never did."

"She could have, you're right but still you were young, no one told you to go. Why did you leave with him Carlisle?"

"I couldn't leave him. Why are you looking at me like that? Could you let your father walk out the door, alone and hurting?"

"We aren't talking about me. Life is a series of choices, Carlisle. Your mother made one that affected your father and family, and he made one that affected you and your sister, so and on and so forth. You made a choice to go with him, Carlisle, why?"

"I couldn't let him go alone."

"You're ignoring the question Carlisle; deep down you know the answer. You were seventeen, on cusp of manhood, you lived a happy life until one day your mom changes everything, doesn't asked for either of her children but informs your dad at the dinner table that she leaving. Did she mention taking one of you with her?"

"No."

"And you loved her very much, didn't you?"

I remembered the warm hugs she would greet me with, the kisses before bed and her presence in the bleachers during my games, rain or shine. She had been the perfect mother up until that point in my life. "Yes, as much as I loved my father."

"So tell me, why did you leave? The answer is right in front of you."

He pushed; his expression was starting to irritate me. Anyone who has ever been to therapy can tell you that there is always a moment where you hate the face pushing the buttons, prodding and forcing the explorations of the past. It was nothing obvious, no condensing smile or smug glint in the eye but it was more ambiguous, an expression under the skin.

"I'm not seeing it Emmett."

"Of course you aren't, you don't want to go there. You can't avoid this. You came to me; no one asked you to come here. You came here of you free will and you have to put in the work. No one said this was going to be easy Carlisle."

"I didn't expect easy Emm," I told him seriously.

"Good. Did it hurt, to know that your mom was leaving and hadn't even mentioned taking you or your sister?"

"Lizzy was going to university soon…" I trailed off knowing that is wasn't enough to satisfy him, to throw him off this line of questioning.

"That's not what I asked you. How did you feel when your mom chose a life without you?"

"Hurt Emmett," I breathed, "fuck…anyone would feel hurt."

"It would have been much worse, don't you think if you would have had to see her leave?"

The room went silent save for the sound our breathing, mine decidedly more pronounced as I took interest in insignificant things around the room, a paperweight, his pen cup, anything but his keen blue eyes. This was what I hated about therapy, the tough questions you ignore all your life sooner or later require an answer.

"Why did you leave Carlisle?"

"Stop asking me that question." I snapped eyes once again focused on him.

"Answer and I will. Why did you leave with your father when you could have stayed?"

"Why is this important?"

"It's important because if you can't understand why you chose to leave then you'll never understand why you turned to sex and pills when Esme killed herself, you'll never understand why you turned away and left Bella. Why—did—you—leave?"

After a long pause I answered and when I did I was taken aback but how small, helpless I sounded. "I didn't want to watch her leave."

"That was hard for you to admit, wasn't it? I know, I can tell. When you lost Esme and Edward…that time your choice of coping was flawed but not uncommon, as humans we try to avoid feeling pain, when you lost your father you avoided feeling that pain as well. And with Bella you left," I started to correct but he continued on, "yes to try and save her but that was a surface excuse, the deep rooted reason was to avoid pain. You spared yourself the pain of watching the love of _your_ life walk away from _you_. Did you fear history repeating itself?"

I nodded curtly.

"You realize that by leaving you repeated history, the moment you walked away without protest or fight you became your father. You assumed she would leave you but did you consider that she wouldn't."

"So are we talking about Bella now?"

"No, we'll get to her in a jiff but now we're talking about your parents."

"When in doubt blame the parents, right? Isn't that the code of the therapist?" I joked to ease some of the tension I felt in the air. It was stifling.

"Joke if you want Carlisle but most of people's problems stem from their parents. Do you see the parallels I'm drawing here? You are like your father, a great man with great devotion and wisdom, who loves his family…and like him, you flee from pain. Your mother showed you that women leave, you may not recognize it but she was your example as much as your father was. You shall inherit your parent's inequities and you have. You still trusted women when you fell in love with Esme but she became another example to you. She killed herself and left you behind and naturally, when those pictures crossed your desk you thought Bella would leave you too."

"Emmett," I warned.

"It's been a long time Carlisle," his tone was sympathetic yet unyielding, "you must face what she did. We established that it wasn't your fault; you have carried around that guilt for too many years. You still think you failed her. Don't you?"

I shook my head, "I did fail her."

"Why, because you weren't watching her Carlisle? She was severely depressed and you could not have stopped her. Even if you had that time, she would have tried again and again. You didn't fail her. It's not the reason she did what she did, she was sick."

"No, I know all of that Emmett. I failed _her_." It took him a moment to catch my tone, and when he did, he sat back in his chair and studied my face the way he often did during these sessions. Searching, searching for a clue or maybe an answer. I never knew what it was he was looking for but I knew Esme was sick. I knew that if I had stopped her that time she would have tried again, until she succeeded. She wasn't the "_her" _I was referring to.

"Whom are you referring to, Esme or Bella?"

"I thought I wasn't allowed to bring her up?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't I just bring up her name? Do you think you failed her?"

"Yes."

"In what way?"

"In every way, Emmett. I got involved when I knew it wasn't good for her. I left her. I didn't protect her from the pictures or Cha—

"From Charlie's death," he interrupted. "It's what you were about to say. You can't save her from things like that Carlisle, it absurd to think that you have to."

"I put her at risk Emmett…I failed her."

He gave me a disapproving look and took a deep breath, as if to gather strength. "She is an adult, she knew what your relationship meant and she took the risks anyway. You don't need to save her; it's not your job to save, we've gone over this. According to your outlook, do you think that if you "fail" her again she'll walk away from you? Will she stop loving you?"

"Yes…no…I don't know what I think."

"Well, that something. You don't really believe she'll leave you. She forgave you; don't you think it's time you forgave yourself?"

"I should put it behind me and I'm trying to but I can still see the proof of what I did to her and to us every day. I'm not sure how to get back what we lost…I don't know how to go back."

"People make mistakes, you move on and make another. We fail, it's what we do. You can't go back Carlisle, and the only thing you lost that was of any value was trust. You can only move forward. You can't let your past hinder your future, you don't have to be like your father and Bella doesn't belong in your mother's mold."

"I'm not the only one with parental issues. Bella mommy issues to last a lifetime and her father issues aren't too great either. She has the same abandonment issues as I do."

"We aren't talking about her issues, we are talking about yours but if you want to get into this we can. Let me enlighten you, Carlisle. She never knew her mother; she never had a relationship with her. A stranger left her and while Bella feels abandoned, a mother that raised her for _seventeen years_ didn't abandon her. Her example of a father, the example she carries around and measures men to is of a man who loved his wife until the end. He wasn't the type of man to leave; on the contrary, he raised his daughter alone in a foreign country so she'd be raised French while his wife made a fool of him, daily. He was strong, true, and loved Bella until he died, just as he did Renee.

"Bella may have fears similar to yours; that is what makes you understand each other so well but the difference lies with how you deal with that fear. You were taught to run from it by example, to leave before you could get hurt where as Bella saw her father endure the pain and remain loyal. She may resent the fact that he defended and loved Renee but the example is deeply rooted. Its why after what you did to her she couldn't hate you. She couldn't stand to hear people talk badly about you and she couldn't stop loving you.

"In your relationship, we could all see how madly in love she was with you. It was clear, as was how terrified she was but in that fear, she stuck to you. It might not be altogether healthy but she clung to you where as in your fear…you separated yourself from her. It was difficult, right. You told me you didn't want to leave, that you fought to urge to go back to her, even after you were in England. Do you think your father wanted to leave everything he loved and knew?"

"No. He didn't. England was his home."

"Was it as difficult for him to leave as it was for you to leave Isabella?"

"More," I whispered, "it was more difficult for me."

"Why?"

"Because he got to have a full life with the woman he loved, he had years and children…I was just getting started."

"Yet, you ripped yourself away from the person you love. The impulse is there Carlisle, Bella's impulse, however closed off and reluctant she may seem, isn't to run. Yours is."

I sat back, the effect of his words coursing through me. He had promised to enlighten me and enlighten me he had. Almost from the beginning I was the one to pull away, I did the morning I saw her in class, fearing the attachment, the potential pitfalls, and again I walked away when I foresaw a future pitfall. It rocked me to my core to learn that I had a built in system bent on self-sabotage.

"Can I talk about her now?" I asked as my mind tried to pull itself together. He nodded and told me to say what I needed to say.

With a heavy heart, I began telling him about the dreams I had been having about and the inelegance of my interactions with Bella. We didn't have footing and each forced conversation seemed to get worse, involve less words and more nervous shifting from mundane topic to mundane topic.

"That's normal Carlisle, you two have shifted so much in your relationship…things have to settle. It's been a rough couple of months."

"Very rough," I agreed, leaning forward. "What do I do now Emmett? She asked me a simple question and I said time would tell. I feel like an idiot, I should have had a more definite answer for her."

"Why? No one has all the answers and I doubt she was looking for them in you. It was a question and you answered it well. Time will tell. Trust her. She isn't your mother and she isn't Esme. You have to trust her but most of all, yourself. Love isn't fearless, building a life with someone is scary and building a solid relationship takes time. Bella can handle a lot; you don't need to protect her so much."

"So you're saying I shouldn't protect her? It's genetically ingrained Emmett, to protect what and whom we love. You protect Rose, how is that different?"

"I protect Rose but I do not shelter her. Sheltering and protecting are two different things, Carlisle. Bella doesn't need sheltering. She's spent her life being sheltered; she doesn't need that from you. What she needs is the truth and support. You can protect her without sheltering her, you need to take the risk and trust that she is a strong person."

I groaned, "She is a strong person but she doesn't _need_ to be all the time…she can drop it every once and a while. Can't we share that responsibility?"

"I wasn't talking about the act of strength; I was referring to her ability to face what life throws at her. She has dealt with a lot and she still is a strong girl, she always has been from what I gather. When the time comes she'll lean on you for that strength, in relationships, romantic or otherwise, it's imperative to be able to lean on each other for support but she has to trust you in order for that to happen."

"Trust…how do I get her to trust me again? I have her forgiveness and her love but trust…I've never had to rebuild that." I truly needed an answer to that one question.

"One day at a time, there's no magic route to regaining trust. Be there, with small things Carlisle. Show Bella that you can be trusted, that she can depend on you. One day at a time Carlisle."

"What about this pattern, this pattern my parents fucked me with?"

"Carlisle," he laughed softly, "you've broken patterns before. From experience you know they're damn hard to break but not impossible. In the beginning what kept you from returning to a life of fucking and pill popping?"

I winced at his choice of words and looked out at the fading day light; the memory was still as sharp as ever. I saw my younger-self waking up alone in a seedy hotel on the south side, several days missing from my memory along with my wallet. The young woman resembling a ghost from my past had swayed me and foolishly, I allowed myself to be drawn in by the familiar allure. I didn't know her name and it was obvious she hadn't cared to know mine. I felt cheated, tricked, and lingering nausea and vertigo. That morning, staggering back penniless and sickened was my awakening; I swore to myself I would never again put myself in such danger. I swore I'd never sink that low again. Each time in the darkness crept back in, each time I was tempted to go back to numbing the pain I thought of that morning. I answered Emmett and he said that I needed to do the same thing now.

"When you get scared and want to run, remember what happened the last time you ran from Bella. What happened to you and her, think of everything you stand to lose."

"Now that I have her so close I can't imagine walking away from her ever again, impulse or not. That's what's making this hard, I can't be away from her now that I know the agony it brings me and our not being able to connect is…frustrating. I have to fix this Emmett, I can't hurt her again; I love her too much."

"We will but _nothing_ happens overnight. Give her time to heal. Hell, you need give yourself time to heal. You two love each other and it will work but take this one day at a time, for the both of you. Take it slow, be friends for a while, friends _without _sex. You'd be surprised by how receptive Bella will be to being friends."

"Friends, Emmett, I want more than that."

He smiled, "Carlisle, you've never tried being her friend, you guys started with sex above all other things. Try tonight with Bella, small things, have a talk with her, nothing serious, just simple, easy and friendly. Remember the hard part is over, she already forgave you. She needs friendship."

"Friends," I repeated skeptically, turning the word over in my mind. "I can do that; if that is what she needs…I can do it."

"Good."

We both fell into silence, reflecting on the past hour and its revelations, taking the time to decompress before becoming cousins once more. For some minutes Emmett seemed to be listening for something, what exactly he was preening his ears for I didn't know. I heard nothing stirring.

"Am I off your couch now? Good. God that was exhausting."

"Yeah, I know what you mean man, it's equally as draining treating family and it's been a while since I did this. I need to get back into the groove of talking to you crazies. Ahh, I knew I heard the twins sneaking cookies. Wanna go catch them, then maybe help me make dinner?" He asked heaving himself off the armchair with a wicked grin on his face. "Rose had been dying for some Mushroom Marsala Pasta with Artichokes."

"She's really specific these days." I smirked, as her pregnancy progressed so did her cravings.

"You have no idea Carlisle. When the time comes—, it will come believe me man—, and you and Bella are pregnant, you'll be happy you can't cook for crap. I love cooking for Rosie, don't get me wrong but lately I feel I'm running a twenty four hour restaurant."

I made no comment but smiled behind his back. He loved every minute.

Stealthily slinking along the hall Emmett jumped in to the kitchen in front of Jackson and Nikki elbow deep in a box of the chocolate dipped coconut cookies and yelled, _Booo!_ Startled, they both screamed bloody murder and dropped the box and half-chomped cookies on the floor. When Jackson and Nikki realized it was their father smiles lit their messy faces as if nicking cookies was routine.

"No tell mommy Carly," they informed me putting chocolate covered fingers to their chocolate smeared mouths.

Maybe nicking cookies was routine.

"Yeah _Carly_, no tell mommy or Daddy's ass is grass, those were her cookies." Emmett said over his shoulder as he plucked Nikki off the floor and began cleaning her hands in the sink. "Can you get Jackson before he eats the whole box?"

"Yeah, sure." I picked up Jackson and sat him down on the island. The kid was a mess; he had chocolate in his eyebrows. "Buddy how'd you manage to get chocolate up here?"

He shrugged his shoulders and let me clean him up. When he was chocolate free, Jackson looked around to see if his dad and sister were around and asked me where they went.

"Nikki needed a bath; she was lot messier than you." I told him, kissing his baby soft cheeks.

He nodded seriously and looked down at his buttons, fiddling with them. "Carly?"

"Yeah, Jacks?"

"You love Joey?" I nodded and told him that I did, very much. He scrutinized me with a penetrating eye to rival his mother. He must have seen honestly, because he sighed heavily and threw his hands in the air in surrender. "Tay but you no make Joey cry no more."

I couldn't believe that Jackson had just said those words to me, they seemed far too grown up but when he crossed his arms and stared me down, I realized that he was completely serious, and protective.

"You hurt Joey. No make Joey cry." He demanded fiercely.

"I know Jackson, and I promise I won't make her cry anymore."

"Tay Carly." He uncrossed his arms and patted me on the shoulder. "Me love Joey too. Me watch you."

"I'll keep that in mind, Jacks."

That evening we all gathered around Emmett and Roses' table like a family. Alice chattered away with Rose about the ever-present wedding plans, Jasper and the twins were in a staring contest of some sort, Emmett was tossing pieces of bread at Jasper, giving his kids a winning edge and Bella was watching everything with a serene bemused look, almost as if it was all an illusion.

Gone was the look of malnutrition and protruding bones, sallow cheeks and pale lips, Bella had slowly blossomed back into the creature I had fallen in love with, her lips ripened to the berry hue that evoked thoughts of raspberries, her eyes woke and sparked brown and gold and the slight curves of her frame had filled out once more. Such lovely curves she had. I burned to feel them again, know them, even if only through a hug. I missed the simple affection, act of gathering her in my arms and holding her to my chest.

When she caught me looking, she blushed but didn't look away. She smiled sweetly and raised her eyebrows as if to ask me what I found so interesting.

"You," I whispered loud enough for her to hear.

"Thanks." She threw a covert glance down the table and leaned forward. "How are you?"

"I've been alright. I could be better."

"Me too," she returned in the same hushed tone but she needn't bother everyone was occupied with their own entertainment to bother with us. "How do you like your flat?"

"Everything is still in boxes and things are a mess but I love it, Isabella. My paintings arrive Friday so, I'm excited. I was thinking about painting this weekend." I was getting sick of the stark white walls.

"What _Paintings_?" She asked somewhat intrigued by the plural.

"Paintings Bella, my paintings, as in more than one, I'll have you know I own art Isabella, very spectacular art." I laughed.

"Very spectacular art," she mocked. "So…you said you were going to paint your place. Do you need help?"

"Emmett was going to help me," I stated, reminding myself to take things slowly even as I thanked God for the Rose's doctor appointment. Before I could finish her face fell, only slightly but she couldn't conceal her disappointment from me. "But Emmett and Rose have a doctor's appointment, so I could use the help, if you're offering?"

Jasper's subtle kick to my shin yanked my attention off Isabella long enough to notice that the entire table was now discussing music for the wedding and that our conversation was not as private was it had been moments ago. I thanked him with a nod and listened in, keeping an eye on Bella. Inwardly I smiled at the satisfied grin on her beautifully flushed face.

"It's hard to pick a song for our first dance," Alice whined. "I don't know which song to choose, they are a million billion songs to choices and I _do not_ want to pick something cliché, or lame."

"It's not hard short stack, pick something that reminds you two of each other and BAM! you have a song to dance to. It's easy; Rosie and I picked a song in seconds. It was perfect, if I do say so myself, right, babe?" Emmett moved his chair a little closer to Rose and draped an arm over the back of her chair.

"It was prefect…Emm and I danced to Elvis at our wedding. Our parents were not expecting that!" Rose laughed, rubbing her stomach affectionately.

"What can I say; I couldn't help falling in love with you." Emmett said linking his other hand with his wife's on top of her belly.

"What are some of the choices Jasper?" Bella asked, looking lovingly at both Emmett and Rose. I didn't blame her, they were quiet beautiful to watch these days.

"Jazzy went as far as suggesting Johnny Cash." Alice moaned, clearly exasperated by her future husband's affinity for Cash.

"Ring of Fire," Bella laughed, giving Jasper a high five across the table while sticking out her tongue at a glaring Alice.

"Excuse me, if I don't want my first dance with my husband to involve falling into fire. No infernos here, no thanks. We could go with Tom Waits but…" Alice trailed off as Jasper's face went red. "Aww, honey, you're blushing like Bella at a Kings of Leon concert."

Bella protested and Jasper went a shade darker.

"Alice I do not want to know why his face looks like a tomato, so let's move away from Tom Waits quickly before Emmett joins in."

"Rosie, you're missing prime, grade A teasing material here. Did you two tango til you were sore? Were you guys Goin' Out West?"

"Shut the fu—," Rosalie narrowed her eyes at her brother and he quickly amended. "Be quiet Emmett."

"Ah, come on Jazzy, Do you got hair on my chest, do you look good without a shirt?" Emmett taunted.

"Emmett," Alice giggled, leaning into Jasper.

"I mean it Emmett, cut it out."

"_Jazzy_ do you know Karate, Voodoo too?" He continued singing, obviously enjoying how uncomfortable Jasper was getting.

It was difficult to link the therapist I had just spoken to and the man-child that was taking pleasure in teasing his brother in law.

"Shut it Emmett!" Jasper drawled.

The twins were talking among themselves but even they found amusement in their father's antics. Rose gave Emmett a look and he, magically stopped. Everyone was in awe of how quickly she could subdue Emmett's inner child where I was impressed with how gently she went about this now a days. Before it would have been a glare or a smack upside the head but as of late a simple arched brow would do the trick. I assumed it had something to do with the pregnancy.

"As I was saying," Alice started after dropping a kiss on jasper's still burning cheeks, "I think it clashes with the theme, right Bella?"

Bella threw me a sly grin before answering her friend and I felt my stomach flip, knowing where her thoughts had been during Emmett's teasing. I thanked God no one knew about Kashmir and by the looks of it so did she. "Well, I don't think it should matter, the first dance is really about you two and if you want a non traditional song, I say go with it but it you want it to match the theme something more along the lines of Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin or Michael Bublé might be better."

"Oh!" Alice bounced in her seat and gave Bella a kiss on the cheek, "You're a genius Bella."

Bella shrugged modestly and said that she was the maid of honor; she knew what would match Alice's vision. "I mean, Ali has been planning this since she was a little girl. All she needed was Jasper and of course a song. When we were in high school she swore her wedding song would be White Wedding, be thankful she changed her mind Jasper."

We all laughed while Alice defended the merits of White Wedding. When the laughter subsided, Rose and Emmett excused themselves to put the twins to bed. They pouted but didn't dare complain while giving good night kisses to us all. It didn't escape my attention that Bella received extra kisses and hugs.

"What song would you pick?"

As naturally as sucking in oxygen, I answered Jasper. Alice and Jasper both looked from Bella and I like gold fish, mouths open, eyes wide. "What, you both have something against Billie Holiday?"

Neither of them spoke but continued the gold fish ping-pong between Bella and me. She looked stunned but managed to speak, "They're looking at us like that because we…both answered."

"Ok, why is that such a shock? He didn't specify whom he was asking. Come on guys," I snapped my fingers in front of their faces, "snap out of it."

"We gave the same answer Carlisle." Her voice was quite but it rang loudly in my head.

Alice blinked and smiled her wicked pixie smile, "You guys are too cute, and you two need to get your shit together already. I miss the Bella and Carlisle duo."

"Me too Ali," Bella averted her eyes and traced the pattern of the tablecloth.

_Me too, honey…I'm working on it._

After Rose and Emm rejoined the group, we moved to the living room for coffee, cookies. The conversation floated from the growing baby McCarty, to the wedding and finally landing on my settling life here in Paris. When the coffee and treats were gone, we said our goodbyes. Alice and Jasper zoomed away leaving Bella and I alone on the dark street.

"I keep expecting to see the light on in there." Bella said facing her childhood home.

"I know what you mean, I still go to call my dad when I need advice. How have you been?" She shrugged and said she was fine. "Fine? Why don't I believe you?"

"I miss him Carlisle but…I'm dealing with it." She turned around and smiled softly before mounting her bike. I felt the need to say something, to apologize or explain why things were tense between us.

"Bella, I'm sorr—"

"No more apologies Carlisle, please." She interrupted, her eyes soft and full of love, gently grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. "I forgave you weeks ago…You're not allowed to say sorry about this anymore. You're not allowed to torture yourself over this anymore."

Curling my fingers around hers I leaned over the bike and brushed my lips against her cheek, "I'm not allowed?"

"No, you're not; I'm not going to allow it." Her words were hushed and warm as her hand came up to cup my cheek, "I really do miss us Carlisle."

"I know. I do too," I breathed, fighting the urge to kiss her, properly.

"So…we're going to try…this friend thing?"

I should have known Emmett would tell her. "Yes, I'd like to."

"I'd love more but…I think we need to be friends right now, Carlisle. So…would you like my help on Friday?"

"I would love," _to kiss you, take you in my arms and never let go,_ "your help, Bella."

She agreed to see me on Friday bright and early and sped off into the city dangerously fast. Before leaving, I looked to the house I associated with Charlie and made my apology to him. As I drove home, I took comfort in Emmett's words. Small things would earn her trust, one day at a time.

xXXx

Friday she showed up with coffee, Croissants and a smile. It was difficult to concentrate on the task with the way she was dressed, her shirt was tiny, thin and exposed the silky skin of her abdomen and inked skin each time she stretched her arms above her head, dark blue jeans hung off her hips deliciously; paint streak strategically placed to draw my eyes to her…assets. With much effort, I pulled my mind off her body and focused on the paint. For some reason it shocked her to find out that I had never painted a wall in my life but promised that is was easy and I'd be a natural. Sadly, we found out that I was not a natural when I painted the taped off trim and dripped a charcoal trail from the paint tray to the wall on the wood floors. She helped me clean up my mess and volunteered to do my trims. _Do my trims_, I asked her suggestively cocking a brow. She slapped my arm and told me to behave or she was going to have to tie me down.

Yes, it was hard to focus on the painting when she said things like that.

The awkwardness vanished for the most part while we tackled the living room and kitchen but after lunch, once we began painting my bedroom, it returned tenfold. Her face cheeks were stained pink the entire time and eyes remained glued to the roller as if her life depended on it. When I asked her opinion of the color, she stammered something about it looking delicious and went on painting, muttering things in French under her breath. The ideas, innuendos and fantasies attached to my bedroom were not lost on me. I knew where her mind was taking her because my mind was in the same vicinity. We finished the room with very few words, and even less eye contact.

The sexual tension dissipated once we stepped back into the living room, thankfully. Dinner was served on the paint speckled moving blanket and consisted of pizza, beer, a gorgeous sunset and ever more gorgeous girl.

"You bought them…I didn't know that." Her eyes were fixed on the clear plastic wrapped paintings propped up against the equally shrink wrapped couch. I decided to say nothing and continued watching for a negative reaction.

There wasn't one.

"I'm glad you have _it _Carlisle…_it _was always meant to be yours." She said, her gaze lingering on the Cucuron painting.

"It's one of my favorite memories," I admitted, thickly.

She agreed and went back to eating her pizza. We finished dinner, discussing my plans to write this year and giving teaching a rest for the time being. I told her that I'd been mulling the idea of teaching younger pupils at some point. She seemed pleased with my decision to write and informed me that my place at Canard was still waiting for me, when I was ready to publish. It touched my heart that after the things I put her through she had saved a spot for me in the company I had almost destroyed.

"I like your place Carlisle, it very you." She told me suddenly, fiddling with her beer as she examined boxes and furniture stacked in the center of the room. "Even like this, it's warm and personal…exactly like what I pictured."

"I like it too," I told her, crossing my legs and looking around, "it feels like home."

"I can't wait to see it all fixed up, with your books in place and your Liverpool mug making a ring on the coffee table. You are going to show me some pictures soon right? I think it's fair, you've seen plenty of my dorky pictures. You owe me mister."

"I promise," I laughed. "When I find them you'll be the first to see them."

xXXx

It was a storming and I was sitting on my couch watching the rain beat against the glass, talking with Jasper over the phone. I was surprised by how quickly the months passed. All too soon we bid farewell to summer, with its hot days and sultry nights perfect for sipping wine with friends and scattered encounters with a women I loved more with each passing day. Fall appeared one day outside my window, auburn trees, leaves blew in the spiced autumn air, and now, the wedding was upon us, mere weeks away.

Christ, November had come like a ninja in the night.

"Ali's dad is great, a bit terrifyin' but once he heard that I was a southern boy he changed his tune. We went to the Vicksburg Battlefield Museum yesterday while the ladies shopped and we talked and talked. I like him Carlisle. He loves Ali so much, you should see it, and they even have the same laugh. And they both talk as much as each other, no one can get a word it."

Alice and Jasper had left a few days ago, deciding to fly out to Mississippi two weeks prior to the wedding to oversee necessary arrangements and to give Jasper and Alice's father time to bond. Things seemed to be going according to plan, if the laughing and joking I heard was anything to go by.

"Sounds like you're having a good time, Jas." I laughed, listening to the rambling conversation drowning out Jasper's words.

"So, how are _you_ Carlisle?" He asked, clearly stepping out of the room so he could actually listen without the commotion.

"I'm not with Bella, if that's what you're asking." He cleared his throat and apologized. "It's fine. She's working tonight Jasper last I heard. Other than that, it's raining and Lizzie called to see how I was and to ask for Bella's number. She wants to get together with her, more than likely to share more of my secrets."

"I bet there's a naked baby Carlisle picture she wants to show Bella." He chuckled before adding a serious thought, "That trip seems to have done a lot of good, for both of you."

Early October, Emmett urged me to visit where I grew up as a sort of catharsis; a way of letting the past go, and as a way of presenting the future, he suggested I ask Bella to join me. I was unsure she'd agree, the conations of this trip went far beyond our precariously balanced "friendship" but she agreed happily. While it was much different from the trip I imagined taking with her to revisit my roots it provided me with the perfect opportunity to introduce her to what had been my life and my sister.

Lizzie and Isabella got along swimmingly; they joined forces, laughed like old friends and poked fun at me. I had no doubt that my sister used our lunch to whisper many embarrassing stories into Bella's willing ears but it didn't bother me, if anything I relished the idea of them forming a bond. After all, they were both very important to me.

After leaving Lizzie, we traveled to Rye where I showed Bella my home, where I used to play as child, the bit of street in front of the Mermaid Inn where I had punched Felix and then the pitch where I earned the name Golden Cullen. Breathing the same air I had not breathed twenty-five years knocked me off kilter. All these years I had been brushing this feeling under the rug but now facing the home I had been a child in, the home where my mother had bandage scraped knees and whipped away arrant tears it wasn't so simple. I began to talk, about those days, stories that filled my childhood and defined my later years, stories that made me the man Bella loved and through my emotional rambling, she stood and listened to my every word, by the wicket, warming me with her soothing spirit and gloved hand on my shoulder. I was thankful for her in a way I hadn't been thankful for Bella.

When we left Rye I felt lighter, as if I had let go of weight I had never known was dragging me down.

"It was good for Lizzie and I but yes, it was good for _us_," I agreed. It did us a world of good and after we came back things were quiet easy between Bella and I. A friendship I never dreamed of began to blossom.

He began telling me about the Brandon Plantation near the river. While he spoken my mind saw oak tree lined drive, black shutters, large white columns, and wrap around porches on both stories. It sounded marvelous. As expected, our conversation soon drifted to little Charlotte, the apple of so many eyes.

"Carlisle, I swear I miss that baby. She's really something and she's got me thinkin' all sorts of things, especially when I think of Ali holdin' her."

Mid October brought us a new family member, Charlotte Ann McCarty. Born five pounds, seven ounces, ten fingers and ten toes, sapphire eyes, rosy cheeks and wispy dark hair like her father on her little head. She was precious. When we meet her Emmett was holding her, staring down at the bundle, exuding joy and gratitude and above all else love, for Rose and the family she gave him. Her expression matched her husband's. I was the first to hold her aside from her parent's and just as I had upon seeing her siblings, I cried and placed a kiss on her downy head, welcoming her to the family. Jasper was mesmerized and soon followed my emotional reaction as Alice cooed at her new niece. Her brother and sister already took up their protective roles and watched the nurses carefully, making sure they didn't switched her for a "zombie". Bella helped them keep an eye on the nurses and made sure no harm came to the baby, but mostly she studied Charlotte's little fingers and button nose in awe. When Rose asked if she'd like to hold her Bella nearly cried. There was no sight more moving than that of Isabella holding tiny Charlotte in her arms, and for me it spoke of a future waiting for us.

"I know exactly what you mean Jasper."

"She's a sweetie and she looks so much like Emmett." I tried telling him it was still too soon to tell but he insisted. I thought she looked like a mix of her parents, his hair and nose, her eyes and mouth. "I still say she's a mini Emmett. So y'all are flying down…when? It's crazy…I miss you guys. I like her family and all but I only_ know_ Alice round here."

"Ah, barely away for three days and already you miss us, I'm touched Jas. Emmet, Rose and the kids will be there on the twenty fourth." With a new baby at home and two toddlers Emmett and Rose were arriving in Mississippi in time for the rehearsal dinner, which was indecently Thanks Giving and Bella and I, as best man and maid of honor, were due to arrive a week before the big event. Alice's orders. "Bella and I will be there on the nineteenth."

"Bella and I, I like the sound of that Carlisle. You guys done with this no sex friendship thing, its drivin' me nuts, I can only imagine how its treatin' you. Halloween must have been hard…in lots of ways."

"Jasper," I groaned, remembering vividly Halloween. "Don't be a prick."

October did not end with the yearly Alice bash but with a comparatively quiet night, in my flat with Alice, Bella, the twins, and Jasper. We ate candy and cupcakes, watched kid friendly movies (not so kid friendly ones once the kids were asleep) and danced the monster mash. Jackson was a robot in yellow chucks and Nikki was a princess. I didn't quite understand who Alice and Jasper were, but it didn't matter because Bella was dressed as a Strom Trooper, complete with laser gun, the perfect pair to my Darth Vader. I'm secure enough in my sexuality to admit that a typically male Strom Trooper turned me on. I knew she had done it on purpose to screw with me, to arouse and remind me that while we were friends now, it wasn't forever. As our friendship grew so did the yearning for more, we never spoke about it, but it was there in the pauses.

We wanted each other…it was getting harder to control.

"Sorry Carlisle." He wasn't sorry. Not one bit.

"Yeah, sure you are Jasper. Anyway I hear Alice calling you…I'll let you go. Have fun and say hello to her for me."

"I will Carlisle, and _do_ something tonight, go out…_old man_."

He hung up before I could retort cleverly.

Tossing the phone on the couch beside me, I searched for something to do. Emmett and Rose were understandably busy, and Felix was out of town working. It was Wednesday and for once, I had nothing planned and no one to see. I thought about calling Bella and asking if she wanted to watch a movie with me but as far as I knew she was at Canard tonight. In the end, I decided to write.

After a solid three hours of working a break and dinner was called for, earned even. I hadn't turned out crap; the pages were quiet good, even to my critical eye. I was just about to get a beer from fridge and order take away when my phone let out a shrill ring. I grinned at the familiar number.

"Hello Isabella." I greeted her, unable to suppress the smile spreading across my face. When she didn't answer, I checked to see if the call had been dropped. It wasn't and after a moment or two, a very faint voice came through the receiver.

"Hi…Carlisle," she rasped before dissolving into a fit of coughs.

"Oh, Bella, you sound terrible. Tell me you aren't outside in this weather and that you're at home, warm and dry."

"I'm home…I haven't left all day." I hadn't been exaggerating, she truly sounded terrible, her voice was barely audible and each word had to cause her pain.

"Did you wake up sick?" I asked, concerned bubbling over as I put on my jeans and shoes.

"Yes. I don't feel good Carlisle…my throat is burning and I feel hot and cold."

"What else are you feeling, honey?" As she struggled to describe her symptoms, I turned over my place in search of my keys and coat. Perhaps I was presuming too much, she hadn't asked me to come over and take care of her but I wanted to be ready, in case she did. I longed to comfort her, hold her, stroke her hair while she slept.

"My head hurts…and feel kinda dizzy."

I made a mental list of things she would need: tea, throat lozenges, soup, water, juice.

"You've been sick all day Bella, why didn't you call, Seth or Demetri or Joshua…_someone_? Anyone?"

_Why didn't you call me?_

Through the receiver, I heard her frustrated groan; I could almost see her stamp her foot. "I am calling _someone, _Carlisle. I didn't want just _anyone_. I want _you_. Can you come over…please?"

My heart skipped a beat before thundering against my ribs. She wanted me. I stood, surrounded by over turned over pillows and papers, the phone gripped in one hand, a surge of elation coursing through me.

She wanted me. I was the _someone _she called.

"Lay down and I'll be right over sweetheart."

* * *

**A/N:**** We're close to the end. It makes me sad. Leave me love or throw rocks...Yes, I'm talking to you. (=**


	34. Love is Here to Stay

**A/N: Here we are, this is the second to the last chapter and I can't believe it. Mostly I can't believe all you lovely people have stuck with me. I want to thank you all for your encouraging words and praise. You all continue to brighten my day. Hope you enjoy the chapter. **

**I'd like to thank my beta for this chapter, Kay you did a fantastic job. I can't offer enough thanks for all you do for me. Marissa, you're always great and you've edited many many chapters, and dealt with my horrible habit of being unable to leave a chapter alone once I've sent it to you. Sorry about that. **

**And to one person that I know is reading, you know who you are, this is what I always pictured...these next two chapters is what I saw, what I hoped for. I still hope for it, perhaps I shouldn't but...old habits die hard. Feel better love. X**

**I do not own Twilight or Harry Potter, though I wish with all my heart I could be responsible for the genius that is Harry Potter.**

**Have you ever heard Gene Kelly singing **_**Love is here to stay**_**? No? Well, do it now. You won't be sorry.**

**See you at the bottom.**

BPOV

_"Lay down and I'll be right over sweetheart."_

There was a distinct tremor in his voice when he said those words, as if he had been waiting for them.

"Drive safe, Carly." Despite feeling like death, I noticed that he didn't correct my use of that name but agreed to be safe and repeated his earlier request that I lay down. Hanging up the phone, I laid my cheek on the cool counter, hugging the blanket closer to my shivering body.

This morning I woke up too early and everything ached from my head right down to my red toenails. The last thing I needed the week before heading to Mississippi was to get sick. I refused to get sick. I figured if I slept, took some vitamin C and drank water I'd be fine tout suite—boy was I wrong. By noon, I felt worse. Knowing that only one person would, could help me I decided to call Carlisle but I couldn't find the phone.

I searched high and low, in the refrigerator and under chairs but I gave up, exhausted and cold on the couch and promptly fell asleep. I woke again feeling clammy and too hot in my layers of clothes, again Carlisle popped into my mind, so I went on the phone hunt once more. That time I found it but it was dead. I managed to find my cell under some books but it too was unresponsive. Moaning at my rotten luck, I put them both on charge and I fell asleep, over heated and weak, on the kitchen counter. A crack of thunder woke me. When I opened my eyes, lighting briefly illuminated everything and then every corner was dark, black and foreboding. I needed Carlisle.

I must have passed out again after calling him because the next thing I knew Carlisle was pounding on the door and calling my name. Why couldn't have Felix given Carlisle his key so I could die on the counter? Careful not to bump into anything I shuffled from the kitchen to open the door.

"Bella, honey, it's me. Open up."

I smiled at the endearment, honey, he called me honey. It took me a while to open the door but when I did, I felt my smile widen. He was here, dripping wet in his Burberry trench coat, arms laden with supplies like something out of a black and white movie. My very own Jimmy Stewart. I called and he came, it made me unbelievably happy.

"Hi," I croaked closing the door behind him. I swayed a little while he took off his coat and put the bags down on the floor but luckily, the door was there to steady me. "You came."

"Of course I did, Bella," he caressed my face lovingly, his face softening. I knew that he was checking my temperature but I couldn't be bothered with technicalities. His icy fingers felt like heaven against my hot face and I leaned into to him, eager to feel more. The scent of him wrapping me in a blanket of security while I gripped the afghan tighter as another shiver rolled through me.

Unfortunately, my balance took another hit, I swayed forward and this time there was no door to steady me, only solid chest. My head swam and I couldn't be sure what happened but when my head righted itself and the world stopped spinning, I was seated on the counter with Carlisle between my thighs and his hands cupping my face.

"You caught me," I stated the obvious, smiling stupidly.

"Of course I did, Bella. When's the last time you ate something?" His voice was rough in my ear; I couldn't answer so I shrugged. He made a noise of reprove but kissed the corner of my mouth, lips lingering longer than they had these long months of plutonic friendship.

Joy bloomed across my chest. I whispered his name and turned my head so our lips could meet. His lips, feeling them on mine once more filled me with mixed emotions, elation and starvation. The kiss was chaste and frustrating and when his lips left mine, he smiled apologetically and asked how I felt.

I shrugged and bit my lip hoping he'd at least keep his hands on me. "Please Carlisle…" I missed him, friendship wasn't enough anymore and I was starved for his touch, innocent or not.

"Bella," one large hand slipped down my neck, goose flesh rising in its wake, and came to rest on my erratic heart. His hand vanished and I mewled in protest.

"You need to eat and get better right now. You're burning up. Patience love, we'll get back to that soon enough. I promise. "

"Soon enough…"My heart picked up speed and I closed my eyes, imagining having my Carlisle again, naked, hot and on top of me, in me. The feverish haze clouding my mind had nothing to do with my cold.

He groaned, his fingers tracing along the lace edge of my tank, "Are you doing this on purpose? Aren't you cold?"

Thoughts fuddled I shook my head, I was a little cold and looking around for the blanket, I realized why I was cold. I had taken off my pants at some point during the day and was now sitting in boy shorts and a tank.

I watched as his eyes danced over my practically naked body before mumbling something about dropping the blanket by the door. He left to retrieve it in a rush. When he came back, he lifted me from the counter, placed me in front of a steaming soup, and reluctantly tucked the blanket around me.

"Eat," he whispered, smoothing my hair away from my face. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I smelled exactly what he had brought me. Hot and Sour soup from L'asiatik, it was enough to make a girl cry. "I remembered it was your favorite and…it's supposed to be great for colds."

"Thank you, not just for the soup but for coming over…it means a lot to me." It wasn't easy to talk but I wanted him to know what his showing up at a drop of hat meant to me.

"Where else would I be Bella?" He said quietly while handing me the spoon and nodded toward the bowl, "Now eat."

The soup was fantastic and surprisingly enough it helped. Clearly satisfied Carlisle took the empty bowl to the sink and came back with a spoonful of purple sludge. I made a face; I knew it would taste revolting.

"Bella, come on now," his attention flicked down to read the label, "its grape flavor."

"It may say grape Carlisle, but that doesn't taste like _any _grape I've ever tasted."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. Here…" Much like Charlie did when I was younger; he put the spoon in his mouth in an attempt to show me that it was not big deal and like Charlie, the second the medicine touched his tongue his face contorted in disgust. I imagined his taste buds shriveling on contact, dying at the medicinal poison drained them of their will to live and taste. Swallowing against his will, he began coughing and sputtering. It was comical and oddly sweet.

"Bloody hell," he gasped, "that's terrible Bella, Grape my ass!"

"Told you," I laughed, taking the vile cough syrup and spoon from his grip. "That was very sweet of you, Carlisle, so if you can do it, so can I." Pouring a spoonful, I followed his lead and downed the medicine like a good girl.

"As sickening as you remember?" He whispered into my ear, wrapping his arms around me.

"Worse," craning around I pressed my lips to the sensitive skin below his ear, "Can we do something…I'm not sleepy?"

"Bella," he warned, as I began kissing the length of his exposed neck, "patience, please. Come on…I have an idea and you don't have to do a thing." I smirked and blushed, ideas of my own taking shape.

"Not that, cheeky minx…follow me."

Dragging my socks across the polished wood, I followed him, sinking into the couch while he pursued the bookshelves. I waited, watching him as he scanned the spines, scratching his jaw as he mentally rejected books. When something finally appealed, Carlisle let out a cry of approval before taking it from its home. Keeping his choice a secret he sat and wrapped on arm around me, pulling me into his warm side.

"Can I read to you? You'll like what I picked."

The hopeful expression and lip bite did nothing to quell my desire for the man, so with a slight nod I agreed, anxious to know what he chose from my collection. I was tempted to look for the gap among its friends. "What did you pick?" Shifting, I laid my head in his lap, lacing my fingers with his. Pages rustled behind me but Carlisle didn't speak. "Carlisle…what did you pick?"

"So impatient, Bella," He scolded playfully. "Do you have such little trust in my taste, love?"

"I trust you completely Carlisle."

The hand in mine jerked, his whole body stilled, no doubt in shock of hearing the words spoken so plainly. Silence surrounded us thickly before Carlisle relaxed, cleared his throat, dislodging an unseen but recognizable emotion.

The question of trust had lingered between us all this time. It wasn't something he could bring out in normal conversation, 'Hey, so I was wondering, on a scale from one to ten where would you say your trust in me is?' But while he couldn't bring it up, in Rye, the trust he put in me made it easy for me to follow suit.

He whispered a quiet 'thank you', dropping a kiss on my cheek and cleared his throat again, theatrically this time.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd think to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense."

I smiled and relaxed as he regaled me with the tale of the boy who lived.

In the pages between Harry freeing the python at the Zoo and platform 9 ¾ my eyelids began drooping, the gentle timber of his voice lulling me to sleep. Somewhere in my dreams of flying broomsticks and Nicholas Flamel I could hear him reading and I stirred slightly when it stopped, feeling suddenly weightless. Carlisle held me closer and explained that he was simply taking me to bed; still groggy I laid my head back on his shoulder and held on. The bed was cool as he laid me down and before I could ask, he kicked off his shoes and jeans and climbed in behind me, covering us with the duvet.

"Sweet dreams, love." He spoke into the darkness before kissing my shoulder.

He stayed for the next three days to nurse me back to health, as he put it. Movies were watched. Harry Potter was read, in the safety of his lap as it poured with rain outside.

He slept in my bed, woke every four hours to give me the cold medicine and keep me hydrated. He made sandwiches and soup. He got me socks and wrapped me in his arms when I got cold and helped me discard of those socks and clothes when I got too hot. The latter was a sacrifice he paid with eager joy and it was reassuring to know that the sight of my naked skin still got to him. I hadn't known such care since early childhood, by the fourth night, my cold was almost gone and my body was raging for more than spooning and drawn out chaste kisses.

Patience Bella, he kept saying.

I had been and was still supportive of his therapy, of the friendship we were building and while I couldn't deny the fact that it was good for us, I was dying. I needed him, and when I told him in those very words, I took comfort in the fact that he seemed to understand my meaning, that the necessity was not temporary or fleeting. I needed him all the time, needed him beside me when I woke, to feel the heat, the weight of his body on mine, the scent of his skin, the tenderness of his touch. I was sick of the Victorian constraints of this relationship, or rather_ friendship_, and its stolen glances, repressed desires and innocent contact. I needed him show me that fire he ignited with every glance.

Passion. Pour l'amour de Dieu, j'ai eu besoin de passion. To the French passion is like air, life, love…everything. Carlisle held my passion hostage, prisoner and I wanted out.

"Your fever is gone and I'm happy to say you no longer have a _chat a la gorge_." Carlisle declared sitting next to me on the bed, smiling so wide his eyes crinkled at the corners. "How do you feel Bella?"

"Well, my cold is gone but…" I hedged, looking at ruggedly handsome face. Life in Paris suited him, he looked more relaxed, he wore his hair longer, messier and his previously habitually clean-shaven jaw was now usually shadowed with a day's worth of golden hair.

One hand flew to my forehead once more, concern taking top billing. "What? You don't feel warm…is it your throat?"

"No, Carlisle." He looked curiously at me, trying to figure out what was wrong.

I sighed; the man was so thick sometimes. Did I need to wave a flag? Taking his hand from my head, I brought it to my lips. I kissed his fingers, taking each softly calloused digit into my warm mouth, sucking one by one, moaning around each one. A sharp hiss escaped his clenched teeth as I bit into his thumb. All curiosity vanished from his eyes, replaced with a hunger I knew, felt and was more than ready to satisfy. Watching him carefully I placed his damp hand on my heart so he could feel what he still did to me.

"Bella." His voice was rough, his hand flexing against my chest.

"I want you…I'm all better, _we're _better and I need you, Carlisle. I've been patient but I can't wait anymore. I love you and I need you."

"I love you too." His eyes fluttered closed as I spoke and his breath came rapidly, the robust scent of black tea, Bergamot and lavender I had come to associate with Carlisle fanning across my face. "I need you too Isabella but are you sure…there's no going back after. I don't want you to have—"

Climbing into his lap I pressed my lips to his, kissing him sensually, effectually ending the rambling. Pulling away, I rested my forehead on his and waited.

"Bella," He sighed bringing both hands to rest gingerly on my hips, "I didn't stay over for this…I mean I want this—God I want this so much—but it was not my motivation for staying to take care of you. I wanted to stay."

"Carlisle," I started, "You're a fantastic man, a dependable friend and the sweetest nurse a girl can ask for but…I want my lover back, I miss him. I need _my _Carlisle back."

"I'm right here."

Our eyes meet my brown to his lovely blue and in that breath, everything shifted. Our pain, our past wasn't forgotten, couldn't be forgotten, anyone imbecilic enough to forget deserves to relive their past. His leaving was still there, the months spent in mourning, his return and the emotions that followed but, the wounds had healed. Slowly but surely they grew less raw. I no longer felt pain mingled joy when I saw him, when he touched me. At some point in this friendship, Carlisle and I ceased to be individuals, fighting individual battles. We no longer felt lost or blinded.

Our path was clear.

"Carlisle…take me."

"With pleasure, my love." Curling his hands hard around my hips, he laid me down on the bed, pausing only to kiss me before covering my body with his warm familiar one. "I love you so much, I've been holding on by a thread for months and the past few days have not helped," his hands gently spread my thighs apart so he could settle himself between my legs, so I could feel him completely. Wrapping my legs around his slim waist, I arched into him, desperate to feel more, to feel everything, my hands spread across his broad back, my hips rolled against the harness behind his fly. "It's been hard without you."

"Hard…really hard." I moaned. He laughed softly and bent down to kiss me. When he pulled back, his eyes were dark with desire.

"Yes, it was _hard_, it many…many ways, my love. You can't think that these months have been easy on me, they haven't. Summer was torture…all those picnics, those tiny tops and shorts, all that skin Bella." Lips tailed down my neck, kissing and licking my neck between words, thrusting his hips against me.

"Oh, God, Carlisle," I cried. Deft fingers plucked at my nipples before he nudged my top down, exposing me to his greedy eyes. His tongue swirled around, teasing, torturing and finally, taking the tight peak into his mouth and sucking lightly. Gasping at the sensation, my nails racked down his back as I begged him to keep going.

"Just as beautiful as I remembered love." I groaned gripping his biceps as his breath tickled my skin.

"When we painted my bedroom Bella…You have no idea how many times I've imagined you in there with me, naked, writhing under me. You can't fathom the number of times I've touched myself to that image."

"Mon Dieu!"

My blood boiled in my veins. Hearing him admit to it was hotter that I would have thought. Visions of Carlisle spread out on his bed, head thrown back, tendons taut in the midst of pleasure as he gripped his cock in one hand, stroking his rigid shaft up and down, bringing himself to orgasm, his milky cum spurting out on to his stomach and hand, danced before my eyes.

While I fantasized, he slipped the shirt from my trembling body and attacked my other straining nipple. "I want to see…that," I told him breathlessly, wetness pooling between my legs.

The thought of watching him touch himself to thought of me, seeing him touch himself _for_ me aroused me unlike anything else. I rolled my hips against him wishing that he wasn't as clothed or that he take his pants off and jerk off right now.

"You will love, I'll show you…later," he whispered against my breast. My fingers brushed against the supple denim over the back of his thighs drawing a sensuous grunt from the back of his throat.

"Carlisle, clothes off, now." His lips quirked up at the corners, amused with my command. He sat up and complied, tossing his shirt over his shoulder as I unfasten his button fly jeans, roughly dragging them down his muscular thighs.

"Oh…"My breath caught in my throat, eyes transfixed on his naked hard cock, its' red swollen head, bobbing between us, the golden hair trailing from belly button to groin. God, he was beautiful.

With a smile painted on his lips Carlisle hovered over he, licking and teasing sensitive flesh with his teeth, the rasp of his stubble dragging against deliciously, drawing a from me sounds of pure ecstasy.

"I've missed those sounds Bella."

Hot hands roamed my thighs, rediscovering old territory, reclaiming what was his. My shorts and panties made an achingly slow tortuous tour down my legs, his fingertips following the same path. The heat of his hands combined with the anticipation of what he'd do next engulfed me, stole the breath from my lungs and coherent words from my mouth. With as pleased smile Carlisle nudged my legs apart, dragging a lazy thumb up and down my swollen lips, admiring his handiwork. The wetness, the pounding, the intense ache to be filled and pleasured, was all his doing and, he knew it.

"Carlisle…please," I mewled as he dragged the head of his glorious cock over my clit, jolts of pleasure climbing up my spine.

"I want to hear you Isabella," he whispered, poised at my entrance. The heat of his cock was making it impossible to think. "It's been a long time since I've heard you. Do not stifle a single moan. I _need _to hear you."

My hips jerked towards him in agreement, eyes glazing over with the sensation of Carlisle gently easing inside, each inch driving me delirious.

"Ah…ah…ah," I gasped, as Carlisle began rhythmically thrusting.

"Does it feel good, Bella?" He whispered against my ear, the bashful dip of his head belying the undulation of his vigorous hips.

"You have no idea… Carlisle."

"Yes," he moaned, "I do…I love you…so much."

xXXx

As I watched, Alice and Jasper sway on the dance floor the gravity of the day hit like a dozen rocks. Alice was married. My beautiful sister was married.

She was now Alice Whitlock-Hale

At noon, friends and family from above and below the Dixie line, and a few selected few from Paris and Felix gathered to witness Mary Alice Brandon wed Jasper Whitlock-Hale. The ceremony was lovely and sentimental, their vows too private to repeat brought tears to my eyes, the love they shared was palpable to everyone. Her father sat in the front row with his wife's hand clenched in his as tears of joy rolled down his sun weathered cheeks. I stood beside her as she pledged her life to the only man that could ever deserve her and across the way dressed smartly and taking on the same role as me was Carlisle. Every so often our eyes would meet in the silent agreement that, one day, we'd take the same step Alice and Jasper had just taken. When the minister pronounced them husband and wife I shed a tear and gave my Alice to Jasper.

I couldn't have parted with her for anyone less worthy.

During Cocktail hour in the garden around back, we, the newlyweds, both sets of parents, Emmett and Rose and the McCarty minis, Carlisle and me spent an eternity in front of a camera, as subjects in massive photo shoot. Trust Alice to do nothing small. Alice and Jasper hardly noticed that the photographer was half-drunk with power and ordering her father around like a taskmaster so Carlisle stepped in before the "conversation" between Benjamin Brandon and Mr. Reed, the self-proclaimed Southern Tim Walker, came to blows. I had my hands full with my maid of honor duties, what with keeping Alice's stepsisters away from the bar and Jasper's married cousins and Felix and being there for Alice if she needed me. I was honestly surprised I hadn't broken a heel, yet alone got to see their first dance as husband and wife.

"What is the beautiful maid of honor doing sitting at a table all alone?" A warm southern voice said. I looked up and saw Alice's father grinning at me, his green eyes sparkling with what I could only describe as pure joy. He hadn't changed much from the first day Alice and I meet him, he still smiled profusely and wore thick Buddy Holly frames. "May I sit?"

"Of course, Mr. Brandon, please sit." He sat and followed my gaze.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

It was a southern dream, so luminous and perfect you questioned its reality. The dance floor ran down the long Oak lined path to the enormous white plantation home behind me, candles hung in glass lanterns from trees and sat beautifully on round amber clothed tables surrounded by black Chiavari chairs. Lilies, tuber roses, and pale green ranunculus cascaded over tall glass centerpieces, filling the air with their clean floral scent. The wrought iron railings running between each column were garlanded, the same mix of lilies, tuber roses and pale green ranunculus and orchard hued silk ribbons, their tendrils fluttering in the cool breeze. Alice masterfully orchestrated everything from the cream candles sticks, to the ornate silverware, a perfect wedding had never been achieved until this one. It was breathtaking but not as breathtaking as seeing two people you love so happy. I imagined that the beauty Mr. Brandon was referring to had little to do with the transformation to his home and its expansive grounds.

"Bella, I never did thank you."

His tone garnered my interest and when I faced him, I found fresh tears. "Mr. Brandon," I reached out, covering his hand with mine. "You don't need to thank me for anything."

"Yes, I do. You gave me this day…without you," he squeezed my hand. "It seems like so long ago, two young girls sat on my porch, sipping tea, chattering to themselves in French. I knew Alice the second I saw her and I remember thinking that she was lucky to have a friend like you."

In truth, not much time had passed since Alice and I sat on that porch he spoke of so fondly. With the help of Aro, I had looked, researched tirelessly for almost a year and only because of Aro's meticulous mind did we find a picture of Benjamin Brandon and Gigi. The resemblance was uncanny.

The summer before our senior year Alice and I came to Vicksburg with the intention of seeing Alice's father but after one afternoon _seeing_, we both decided that she had to introduce herself. She had to meet him, even if he turned her away, she wouldn't be satisfied otherwise.

"I've been dreaming of this day for a long while. A father always dreams…and dreads this day."

I smiled but on the inside, I thought of Charlie. "You're welcome, the truth is Sir, I'd do anything for Alice and she wanted to find you. I couldn't refuse her."

He chuckled, "Seems no one can, Bella, not even the weather."

The weather was quite warm for November in Vicksburg and we all had a good laugh over thanksgiving dinner half joking that Alice controlled the weather. They claimed supernatural control over clouds but I remained that Alice was, at in some respect, a little clairvoyant.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Emmett and Rose, trying to corral their twins before they made it to the dance floor. I sort of hoped they escaped their parents; their dancing would set the tone for the night.

"Is that your fella?"

"Who?" I asked blushing, my eyes scanning the tables for Carlisle.

"The tall blonde man holding that beautiful baby… He hasn't taken his eyes off of you since you two arrived." He pointed over to a nearby table where Carlisle stood bouncing Charlotte lightly, giving her a bottle. I nodded, as my ovaries thrilled at the sight of him with a baby. "I wish you would've told Paula and me, we would've set you two up closer to each other instead of on opposite sides of the house. Much less sneaking about in the dead of night, was it you or him I heard on the stairs last night."

I tried to conceal the blush. He heard Jasper on the steps last night. The main of honor duties never end. "That would be me Mr. Brandon…sorry."

"Don't worry yourself, honey." He hummed and continued watching Carlisle tend to the baby.

"He's a good man Bella…I reckon you'll be next. Go on over to him darling', he looks like he's itching to hold you. No sense in you sitting around here with me."

I smiled and kissed his cheek before making my way over to Carlisle. When I finally reached him Rose was sitting, watching Carlisle and Charlotte fondly and Emmett was, I was sure, on the dance floor with the twins. When she saw me a knowing grin spread across her beautiful face.

"You're glowing Bella, not even a sniffle. Must be all that _sexual healing_." She whispered, hugging me. "Right, Carlisle?"

He smiled, "I heard that Rose, how you know about that I can't even begin to figure out. Hello, love."

"Hi," I whispered shyly, kissing his lips briefly before saying hello to my goddaughter. I was still shocked that they had chosen me but I was honored nonetheless. "Hello, beautiful girl…aw, you don't look so happy. What's the matter?"

"I don't know Bella, I tired the bottle…I even did the bouncing dance she loves so much."

"Don't fuss Carlisle, she's been finicky all day; I think it's all the people." Rose told both Carlisle and I. "Here, hand her over, I'm going to take her to visit gran gran. Have _fun_ you two."

When she was gone, Carlisle turned and kissed me, his hands caressing my naked back. God bless Alice for choosing not only a stunning dress for me to wear but, a stunning amber silk Cecilia Tallis inspired _backless_ dress for me to wear.

"Are you trying to get lucky Carlisle?" I teased, smoothing out the lapels of his jacket.

"I already am lucky," He breathed against my cheek. "I've missed you, haven't been able to get a bloody moment alone with you since we landed."

"I know, but it's not always like this. When we get home-" I felt them before I saw or heard them, two pairs of arms wrapped around my thighs. Looking down I saw Nikki and Jackson's smiling faces.

"Joey, me and Nikki dance good. Huh daddy?" Emmett laughed and took credit for their "skill"; even Nikki rolled her eyes at that comment.

"See what I mean, love." Carlisle murmured into my ear before bending down to kiss both kids. "Looking really sharp there Jackson. Nikki, what a beautiful princess you make."

Both kids fawned over their uncle, tugging his arms and begging for piggyback rides. Involuntary my heart hammered against my chest; every time I saw him with anyone of Emmett and Rose's children, I could help but melt. His paternal fondness made me want to toss out the birth control and mount the man. Our children, over the past months that idea became less foreign, panic and fear was no longer my first instinct when the topic came up—and it came up often. In fact, it was quite natural to me.

"Damn! I owe Rosie, Jasper _and_ Alice money. Come on kids, let's go visit gran gran. Let's let these two lovebirds make gooey eyes at each other."

As fast as they appeared, they vanished. While Carlisle took a casual sip of champagne, I gaped after them.

"What was that all about?"

"Bella, they know…come to think of it, it would be quite impossible from them to remain oblivious," stepping closer he brushed the back of his knuckles to my cheek. "You're glowing, you look radiant, happy…and I haven't been able to keep a smile off my face since we made love. We never stood a chance, love."

My brow furrowed, "So what they made bets on whether or not we're together or whether or not we had sex?"

"Both, perhaps…they knew it was only a matter of time Isabella. You know they discuss us on a regular basis." He shrugged, "I'm guessing Emmett bet against them all, the fool."

Looking up I noticed that the smile had yet to fade, still dazzling and bright Carlisle smiled down at me. Emmett was a bit of a fool…who bets against Alice?

"Dance with me Bella?" He asked.

"Always."

Alice and Jasper were swaying softly when Carlisle and I joined them on the dance floor, but the newlyweds looked over, waved and smiled smugly. They had known all along.

I blew Alice a kiss and caught the one she blew at me. Felix and a familiar brunette twirled by engrossed in only each other. For a moment, I wondered who she was but I decided I didn't care. How could I when Carlisle was standing so close to me, smiling, dressing to the nines, bow tie and all. With ease we came together, one hand splayed across the small of my back while the other laced fingers with mine, my own finger toying with the silky hair at the nape of his neck. When I laid my head on his chest, everyone else faded into the background, no one else was more important than he was.

We stayed out on the dance floor as the band played song after song, holding each other in blissful silence and when Carlisle spoke, it was only to sing the words in my ear.

"It's very clear…our love is here to stay…not for a year…but ever and a day."

I burrowed closer, kissing his chest. "I like when you sing to me while we dance, Carlisle."

"I'll do it forever then, love." He spoke softly, his fingertips slipping grazing my spine. "But, oh my dear...our love is here to stay…together we're…going a long, long way."

"Carlisle?" I asked once the song ended and the bandleader announced that it was time to cut the cake.

"Yes, love?" He asked over his shoulder, leading me off and away from the dance floor.

"I hate sleeping without you...spend the night me?"

Mid stride, Carlisle stopped and turned on his heel, gathering me in an ardent embrace, "Always Bella, always."

**I have nothing to say. Let me know what you think. Kisses.**

**XX**

**Autumn**


	35. You'll Never Walk Alone

**A/N: OK, here we go people. The last chapter is here. *Sniff...sniff* **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

You'll Never Walk Alone

You'll Never Walk Alone

Walk on through the wind

Walk on through the rain

Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone

You'll never walk alone

CPOV

December 10th

_The click of the padlock echoed off the waves of the Seine, engraved names shimmering in the late afternoon sun. Between them, it spoke louder than words. Two names, two lives linked forever among so many others, below them littered keys on the river bottom, and ahead, the future lay sprawled endlessly. _

_With a smile, she placed the key in the palm of his hand. Do it, my answer is yes. She spoke softly, only once. The brass slipped from his hand into the ancient waterway, sinking to the depth, never to found again. It would never unhinge what destiny sealed. _

_Changed gripped him then. Impressions were arranged and notions redefined, what was shrouded in darkness gleamed with blinding purity and in those minuscule milliseconds, seconds too tiny to be counted or analyzed by the naked eye, he was a new man._

Typing my last words, I sat back, and looked around the room. I saw Bella's paintbrushes soaking in sudsy water, her congealed watercolor palettes, my face in sultry charcoal, and smiled. It was done, and as a surreal sense of accomplishment settled over me, barefoot and in my old Liverpool shirt, so did a mood of reflection.

After the final punctuation moments like these always came. In the past saying farewell was sad, closing one chapter and moving onto the next phase promised dark mystery, but this time round, I was enthused and not one bit saddened. Changes were on the horizon.

That thought lingered sweetly as I emailed Cédric, my new editor at Canard, the last pages. I shut everything down, and I took in my surroundings once more.

Change.

Years ago, I would have balked at the idea, claiming that twists of fate were cruel, left behind wounds that refused to fully heal and twinged at the slightest provocation. I was stuck in a routine, stagnant in Chicago, limping by, resisting regression but lacking the strength to move forward. So much had changed since then, much of it I had never foreseen, or imagined possible, others I knew would come to fruition in the depths of my soul. One April I came to Paris expecting nothing but a teaching job and marginal success of my book, instead, I found Isabella, my little twist of fate, and everything shifted that moment. Nothing had prepared me for her.

She had transformed every iota of my life, my way of thinking, writing, and seeing, my way of loving.

She made me want to be a better man. By her side, I was a better man.

In the months following the wedding, both Isabella and I began to date, a novel thing to many but to us, after everything we had overcome, public dating was bliss and we didn't waste a moment of it. In the beginning, when we were still of interest to people, there were the occasional stories about the Professor and scandalous Bella Swan in the magazines, but our attitude towards the publicity changed. We simply didn't care anymore; let them think what they would think. The price of caring was too high and we had each other. Basking in the depths of love cultivated in that one short-lived month, we grew as partners, fought, and learned from each other. We gained more than either of us could have hoped.

To think that I almost lost her still fills me with dread to this day. Had I not come back I would have lost more than just Bella.

Checking the time, I went to shower. Briefly, I thought about calling Bella so she could join me in the tub, but we didn't have _that _kind of time. Whenever we shared a bath or shower for that matter, previous engagements and time became inconsequential. I stripped and stepped inside the shower, casting a longing look at the tub through the glass door. Despite the rough quick swipes of the loffa on my skin, I battled with recent memories of her moans echoing off the glass, the sound of her back on the opalescent green tile, and the sight of her glistening breasts pushed against my chest.

I'd like to blame the fact that I hadn't seen much of her this week, being that her time was absorbed with the upcoming art show, for my constant state of arousal, but I couldn't. Sure, I missed her and we had been interrupted this morning just as I put my throbbing head to her pink lips but it was more than simple arousal, or lust, it was much more than that.

Ignoring the need to call out to her I finished quickly and when I stepped out there was a surprise waiting for me; smiling at the love note written in the foggy mirror I made my way to the closet to get dressed. Throwing on a pair of jeans and the sweater Bella frequently stole from me I headed down stairs in search of Bella. I knew she was home, somewhere.

A wide grin painted my face as I descended the stairs after peaking in on Bella's progress in possibly the most important room in our home.

Our home, the phrase held a world of meaning to the two of us…especially now.

When April found us again, happy and blissfully in love, Bella and I decided, we were ready for the next step. We had talked about it many times before as a move we'd make in the future, when it felt right, when _we_ were ready. One night it became apparent that we were ready to live under one roof, so we began looking, without success. Truthfully, either one of our flats would have been just fine, whether I moved into hers or vice a versa, but Bella and I wanted to live somewhere we both had a hand in choosing, a joint decision as partners. A place to grow, she had said and I agreed completely.

But actually finding a place was easier said than done.

After another exhausting fruitless morning of searching, we decided to have lunch, and try to forget the closet masquerading as a flat. Afterward as we walked back to Viggo (yes, I was calling her bike by his name now, after being reminded so many times, it stuck.) Bella pulled my arm suddenly, leading us down a tiny street in the opposite direction. Let's just walk for a bit, Carlisle, she said sweetly. It was a nice day, a classic French spring day, perfect for wandering about the city for no other reason than for the sheer pleasure of it.

The Arrondissement de Passy was, despite its chocolate box beauty, a complicated lattice of streets, intersecting and twisting around each other in a gnarled mess. I was hopelessly lost; I hadn't the slightest clue where her bike was or where the flat was, but of course Bella knew where we were.

When I asked she just smiled and teased me.

"You still don't know your way around _Professor_, after all this time. Shame on you." She taunted, arching a dark brow.

"I promise I won't get you lost babe. We came from that way, Viggo is parked on Jean-Baptiste and," turning towards the sun she pointed to black iron against the clear blue sky, "La Tour Eiffel est la bas et… "

She trailed off, frozen and transfixed with a blue roofed building just up the street. Stepping behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and asked why she had stopped, curious as to what was so interesting. Following her eye line, I instantly understood what was so captivating.

"Ce n'est pas possible…"

"Want to take a look love?" I whispered against her ear softly, afraid to disturb the mirage.

"Merde, Carlisle c'est magnifique."

She always did this, slip into French when in shock. I looked from her face to the building anxiously.

No, it was still there…Not a Mirage. "Come on, let's take a look," Taking her hand I walked up to the ironwork door, with Bella in a daze behind me. This woman, who had called Aro's townhouse home, lived there on occasion in true beauty, opulence, with gilded mantles and onyx and ivory marble floors, was left breathless by a rain beaten and cream aged nineteenth century townhouse that would more than likely need major restoration. I shook my head and kissed her temple before raising a hand to the dark green knocker, chipped and cool against my palm.

The loud clang of the iron knocker reverberated on what sounded like empty walls followed by the sound of heels clicking against the floor. Bella's eyes brightened, preening her ears and she whispered soundlessly _parquet floors_.

"You're an odd girl Bella," I laughed.

A woman of about sixty, in bright red cat eyeglasses, and a jeweled turban opened the door with a bright grin. My first thought was that she was ridiculous and when she spoke, my thoughts were confirmed.

"Mon cœur a chuchoté à moi que vous me trouveriez un jour. Dis 'ouse was built for the two of you and your children, zee the little boy and girl will love it 'ere. Come in, come in and look at your 'ouse." She rasped, taking a drag from her cigarette before turning around and gesturing boisterously for us to follow her.

"Her heart whispered to her...She's like something out of an Agatha Christie novel." I smirked, "There go your people Bella, always predicting the future enigmatically, with a cigarette in hand."

"Maybe she's just…eccentric." Humorously thickening her French accent and laying one hand on my heart Bella shook her head, "Silly British man, zee French do not predict zee future. Enigmatic we may be, but we French know 'ow to listen to our 'earts, and you love it."

She had a point there; Bella listened to her heart unfailingly and I thanked God for that.

"Right you are, love. Come, let's look at _our 'ouse_." I mocked, playfully of course. She shoved my chest hard before taking hold of my hand and dragging me across the threshold.

_Our 'ouse_ was really an old four story town house, in desperate need of love and attention and money. The walls were cracked, plaster falling off in chunks and crumbles on the floor like grim confetti. The ceilings thankfully were devoid of any cracks but the massive chandeliers adorned with cobwebs gave me the impression of heavy Christmas ornaments hung on a weak branches and I made sure to steer Bella clear of them. The wood steps creaked wonderfully, and sturdy they were, but the iron railings were hanging on by sheer will and the miracle of God. Again, I made sure Bella didn't get too close to them; the last we need was for her to take a tumble.

As the woman and Bella chattered away, I trailed behind, imagining our life, Bella and mine, in this place.

The first floor consisted of a large living room with plenty natural light provided by the tall windows and fireplace as its focal point. On the other side of the entry way was the dining room, a fairly good-sized room, beyond that, through a door that swung on its hinges, was the kitchen, washroom and across the hall lay a small room neither Bella nor I knew what to make of.

The second floor held four empty undetermined rooms, wallpaper falling off the walls like drooping tulips and one bathroom, which was surprisingly perfect, as it was. All it needed was a bit of a scrub and a fresh coat of paint.

The third floor was my favorite, despite its air of abandonment, because this was the_ étage_ of our future. Off the landing was the first bedroom, a good sized room with built in shelves and an alcove window with a view of the Trocadero—an ideal spot to rock a baby to sleep. The second bedroom sat on the other side of a white tiled bathroom and also had a view, but of the equally breath-taking Bois de Boulogne. The shamble that would be our master suit was open and spacious, with the same view of the Trocadero, and the only difference was that our window opened to a tiny terrace, just large enough for all three of us to stand on. I didn't pay attention to the bathroom, but Bella's rapid French was indication that it was pleasing, and more than likely had enough room for a tub.

The fourth floor was essentially a studio, three windows providing a wealth of natural light essential to my artist. With every glance a sense of perfection, of belonging settled in my chest; perhaps the woman wasn't completely ridiculous. This pile of dust and plaster, ribbons of wallpaper, marred floors and chipped tiles would send any other couple running for the hills of Montmartre but for us, it was perfect.

"Un moment, s'il vous plait Madame ?" The older woman continued smoking, peering over her glasses at us but stepped away from Bella, allowing me to take her aside.

"Isabella, what do you think?" I asked her breathlessly, gripping her waist tightly in my hands. "Can you see our life here? This room is perfect for your studio; your canvases could go in that corner and your paints on shelves along this wall."

"It's beautiful Carlisle, but do you like it? It's a lot of space for just us and it needs _a lot_ of work. Do you like it?" she asked earnestly, unwilling to show me just how much she wanted this place in the event that I didn't love it as much as she did. "We can keep looking Carlisle…if you want."

I knew she didn't want to keep looking and I sure as fuck didn't want to look elsewhere.

"Silly girl," I chuckled before taking her lips between mine and kissing her sweetly. She sighed against my lips and leaned back to gauge my expression, trying to discern what my words meant. "Isabella, I love it. This place is perfect for us, plenty of room for _our_ family to grow in."

Tears welled up in her beautiful eyes and her lips trembled, "Our family?"

Whipping away the lone tear trailing down her rose tinged check I kissed her chastely before answering her question. "Yes, Bella, our family…Can't you see it? I see it love. I see us making love in our bed, the windows open, letting the sun light in. I see you rocking our babies to sleep in that alcove Bella. I can see them taking their first steps in the hall off the kitchen and sitting on the counter as we all bake cookies together."

I felt tears prickle in my own eyes. The image of Bella and I creating a family here overwhelmed me. Only with Bella was the dream complete.

"I can see us growing here, becoming a family here Isabella. Dis is our 'ouse." Smiling I held her closer, to feel her giggle at my little joke.

"I see it too…So…we're taking it Carlisle?" I nodded and kissed her again, with passion, regardless of the human chimney watching us over her red frames.

"Le coeur parle la vérité."

Her hash voice interrupted the moment, that irritated me, but Bella and I agreed. The heart _did_ speak truth.

After the inspection, which revealed that despite its appearance, the place was as sound as a dollar…err euro, we made a bid. As it turned out, the turban wearing chain smoker was the owner and she had been less concerned with our offer as she was with us, she claimed that she had been waiting for us and when we arrived at the door; her heart told her the place was ours. I still thought the woman was a shade too ridiculous, but she was kind.

When the paper work was finished and the keys, ornate heavy things, changed hands the real work began. I had my concerns, but Bella erased them. _Trust me Carlisle; I've done this before…We can do this, we can do anything together_. We poured our blood, sweat, and tears into the place. Walls were stripped and painted. We tore down rotten moldings and replaced them, resurfaced floors, tiled, and faux finished, all in the height of Paris' hottest spring and summer. Little by little, we chipped away at the massive project, together, just like she said. As the money and months flew, I thanked God for the state of our combined finances, and my miraculous success as a writer…who would have thought?

Even so, stress mounted and petty fights broke out only to be forgiven over a bottle of wine and loving on the newly installed counters or freshly painted walls. We didn't make it easier on ourselves by getting married amidst the renovation, but it paid off the day we moved in.

To say these past months had been hectic would be a gross understatement, we've been living here for two months and finally things were settling, boxes were unpacked and our house was becoming a home.

She was in the kitchen facing the open fridge with a look of disgust on her face when I found her. For a moment I simply watched her, in awe that someone so fantastic was mine to love and cherish.

Frowning to herself, she inspected the shelves once more before giving up and sitting at the breakfast table. I cleared my throat when she picked up a familiar book and began to read out loud; she looked up completely unphased at finding me in the doorway.

"Hey handsome, come in here and kiss me…please?"

"Gladly," I whispered, stepping into the room and kissing her plump lips until she needed air. "What's wrong Bella, what has you glaring at innocent veggies?" I asked sitting and pulling her feet into my lap, thankful that she had taken off her flats.

"They started it Carlisle," She joked feebly, "Alice is getting scary crazy, and stressful. Tell me something good."

"Alice has always been crazy, baby, why wouldn't she be now?" I grinned up at her and played with her adorably painted toes. "Hmm, something good…I love you." She hummed contently. "And we officially have zero boxes to unpack. I unpacked the rest of the books last night and let me tell you, we have _too many _books Bella!"

"You can never have too many books Carlisle, _or shoes_." She informed me seriously, no doubt recalling the fight over how many shoes the woman had.

Too many I said, No such thing she said. Needless to say, the shoes stayed and I ended up buying some flowers to smooth things over.

"I stand corrected Bella. Oh, I finished the novel."

"Really, that's great babe…can I read it or would you rather I wait? I'll wait if I _have_ to." She began excitedly, putting down that blasted Harry Potter.

"Of course you can read it Bella; I always want your opinion.

"I could help you take it off Bella, if you want?" I asked watching her fuss with her t-shirt. She glared and smacked my thigh playfully.

"Evil tease, you know we can't…do you want them walking in on us? I don't." I wanted to tell her that the door was locked and we had _some_ time before they arrived, but I said nothing and continued absently kneading her instep with my thumb. "Umm, that feels good."

"You can't moan like that baby, if you want me to behave myself."

"Sorry, I'll try to contain myself." She smiled and leaned back while I continued to massage her feet, ankles and calves. After weeks of being dragged around Paris like Charlotte's rag doll, I knew she had to be tired and she was hardly getting any sleep as it was. If she was tired, it was well hidden. There were no signs of it. In fact, she looked radiant; her large eyes reflected an inner joy that matched my own. Her short hair fell just at her jaw, drawing attention to her sensuously soft mouth.

She was so bloody sexy.

"See? Right here. You're young in years but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave…"

I rolled my eyes, "Again?"

She gave me a withering stare but said nothing.

As she began reading again my thoughts drifted to less innocent places, like the full swells of her milky breasts barely confined in thin sweater, her slender arms and how they held me, her firm jean clad thighs and how they wrapped around me, intertwined with mine as we slept. My fingers drifted up, caressing the sensitive underside of her knee, thoroughly enjoying the hitch of her voice and the moan that followed.

I suddenly felt like calling everyone and cancelling so I could devour my gorgeous wife all night. By the look in Bella's eyes, she was considering it. Her mouth said that we couldn't, even as her eyes roamed over my crotch.

Family dinner must go on, apparently.

"How long do we have Bella?" I asked, my voice deeper than I had intended.

"Not enough time to do what I want to do to you…unfortunately, so stop looking at me like that or I'll never make it through tonight. Later…I promise." She winked, giving me a knowing look before she slipped on her flats. I offered a hand to steady her as she stood. Her lack of balance was infamous lately.

Awestruck by the sight of her, I tugged her by her belt loops close enough so that I could kiss her stomach. With a soft sigh, her fingers threaded through my hair, scratching my scalp with her short nails. She knew how much I loved when she did that.

"I will never get tired of that Carlisle. Sorry about this morning."

"Don't be honey, it's normal. But if you feel really bad can make it up to me, Isabella," my thumbs slipped under her shirt, drawing small circles on her warm skin, "by taking off your shirt."

"Rain check?"

I groaned. "I'm going to cash in all the rain checks you've given me this week, and when I do Bella, you're going to need to take a week off to rest. Speaking of resting…I've been meaning to talk to you about something…" I trailed off hesitantly, already sensing her reaction.

"Carlisle…please spit it out."

I ignored the tone of slight annoyance and looked her in the eyes covering her newly noticeable rounded belly with both hands, "You need to slow down, Bella."

"Carlisle," she pouted.

"Bella," I returned sternly, attempting to hold her gaze even as hers fell to my hands. Her hands covered mine before she looked back into my eyes.

"I feel great, a little tired and I could do without this nausea but— I can't just lie around like a lazy bum. I'm pregnant, not handicap." Her words were weak, resigned. She knew things weren't the same and she couldn't just burn the candle at both ends. But really, all I heard was _I'm pregnant_.

I loved hearing those words.

"I'm not asking for lazy Bella but it's not just you anymore honey. You haven't stopped to rest; you need to slow down, if not for my sanity then for the baby's health and yours." I reminded her softly.

A brilliant grin spread across her face at my words, a smile so profound it touched my heart. "Ok. You're right, it's not just me…it's us three from now on."

"God, I love when you say things like that Isabella."

At seventeen weeks, Bella and I were overjoyed that she had finally started showing. Her pregnancy was now quite noticeable, and not just to me who spent a considerable amount of time exposing her naked belly around the house. While her belly was nowhere near as prominent Alice's, who at a mere fifteen weeks looked a solid twenty, there was a very discernable graceful slope.

I loved the bump when it was virtually non-existent and now, I loved it more.

Gently I caressed the proof of our child. The idea of that little person left me inarticulate and filled with a myriad of emotions: adoration, anxiety, elation, and love, to name a few. Bella was nurturing, growing, and protecting the life we created and I could not love her more if I tried.

It snuck up on us, this pregnancy did. With the stress of finishing the house in time for the holidays, packing and moving(again!) and the general craze that was life the fact that Bella was late and she had forgotten to get her Depo shot went unnoticed. One night, I woke to an empty bed and the sound of Bella being sick in the bathroom. Concerned I went in and found Bella kneeling beside the toilet looking green. I held her hair, rubbed her back and kissed away tears despite her weak protests to my seeing her this way. It was preposterous of her to believe that I'd sit idle, outside the bathroom door while my wife was sick. After she was better and tucked in bed, we concluded that the new Thai place was to blame. A few days later, I found her hunched over the kitchen sink, a discarded cup of tea on the table along with her breakfast. It went on for weeks, through the move and still, it didn't click. I figured she was sick, there was a nasty stomach flu going around…even Alice was sick.

It was rather thick of me, not knowing what was going on. All the signs were there. She was tired all the time, her tastes changed, no longer did she like the taste of raspberries or her favorite tea, my after-shave caused her to recoil, her breast were sensitive to the touch and the vomiting had yet to go away. The night I came back from a poker game with Jasper, Felix and Emmett and found her crying over the sink Bella changed my life, again.

"Bella, what's wrong baby, why are you crying?" I asked softly, rubbing her back.

"Stupid whore cake," She cried, gesturing over to the beautiful chocolate cake on the counter.

Whore cake? And chocolate cake, Bella hated chocolate.

"Bella, you hate chocolate." She shrugged and said she felt like chocolate tonight but once it was frosted, she got sick. "Is there anything I can do? Crackers…tea?"

"Not freak out, please. I have something to tell you Carlisle but you have to promise not to freak out on me. I mean, I don't think you will but..." Bella hiccuped, burying her face in my neck. Instantly I froze, my arms tighten instinctively around her, ready to protect her from anything. My first thought was Jacob, had he done something to her?

Harassed her? But then what did that have to do with the cake.

When she told me that I was crushing her, I loosened my grip and apologized. "Bella, please tell me. I promise I won't do anything rash but the suspense is killing me."

"Carlisle," she whispered, her lips grazing the shell of my ear, hands nervously tangling themselves in my overgrown hair, "I'm pretty sure you're going to be a daddy."

"Can…you please say that again." I whispered, unsure if I heard her correctly. I prayed to God that I had heard correctly.

She burrowed closer, repeating her words, her voice shaking with joy.

"How sure Bella?" I wondered if it was just a feeling she had, female intuition, or if there was more to go on. The memory of the last time replayed in my mind, every negative test strip. Bella's mind had been in the same place this morning, she explained, which was why she took a test, or four earlier that night before saying anything to me. She didn't want to get my hopes up if it turned out that, like before, we were not pregnant.

"We're having baby." I whispered, my mouth wrapping around the words in astonishment.

"We're having a baby," Bella repeated. "You're going be a daddy."

Just hearing the words sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine, tears pooled in my eyes as I leaned back to look at my beautiful wife. She was smiling like I'd never seen her smile before, she was glowing, and there in the kitchen Bella and I celebrated. The next day a simple blood test confirmed it, we were ten weeks pregnant. I don't know who was happier, Bella or me. We left the doctor's office with many grainy ultrasound pictures of our little jelly bean, tears still glistening in our eyes and the sound of our child's heart beat in our heads.

Chopin, Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, all revered for their capacity to create musical masterpieces, ageless beauty, but nothing they composed sounded half as heavenly or perfect as that strong flutter of life.

A life our love created.

Our baby…

"Is it normal for him to be so active so soon…I think he's kicking now?" Her soft voice broke the silence.

"Every baby is different Isabella. I was very active, or so I was told, maybe he takes after me."

_He_…our baby was a boy.

"My little striker, I can't wait for you to feel him Carlisle. It's so magical and strange…but good strange…happy strange."

"I can't wait either." Pressing my ear against her belly, I smiled.

Our boy had been very accommodating during yesterday's ultrasound, proudly giving us a view of his little penis. Bella didn't want to wait and truthfully, neither did I. I cried when Dr. Morel showed us his penis; I would have cried had it been a girl but somehow knowing she was giving me a son struck a poignant cord. Bella joked about my so called "penis pride" but I was tremendously proud of the little penis he showed us.

We made him, fingers, toes, button nose, penis, and all.

He was healthy, strong, and doing all the things he should be doing at this stage: growing, swallowing, making faces, kicking, and even sucking his little thumb. My Adams apple quivered as I pictured what he might be doing at this moment. "Have I told you how much I love you, love you both?"

"Not in the past five minutes, Carlisle," She laughed.

"No? I should fix that, I love you…I love you both more than you can fathom Isabella." Lifting the thin knit out of my way I kissed her belly reverently and addressed the baby, "Hello son…its daddy. I love you…very very much. Are you having fun in there, kicking mommy?"

"Carlisle…." An undercurrent of tears was audible in her voice and I smiled up at her, watching her swallow thickly.

"Did I soften you up with the belly kisses Bella?"

"Yes," she blushed, "you know what that does to me, Carlisle. You like this…it's just too much for me to handle. I love seeing you like this. Honestly, I…crap, I'm going to cry and it's all your fault. Damn you for being so adorable." I laughed and stood up while Bella blinked frantically, trying desperately not to cry. "It's just…I'm so happy and it's all because of you. I didn't think we'd get this. I've been thinking about this every day since Ali's wedding, about our life together, our house and our babies and…it's here. I can't believe it's…real. He's real. Fuck, I hate this crying…"

"Shss," I cooed against her ear, wrapping my arms around her waist, feeling her belly press against me. "I know how you feel. You make so happy, everyday. It's real Bella and its forever. I don't mind the crying at all, if it makes you feel better, I'll cry too, all the time. We can work out some sort of system; you pinch me or slap my arse when you feel the water works coming on. See there's the smile I love."

"You always know to say. Thank you," she whispered, tangling her fingers in my hair. "You're the best husband I've ever had."

"The best husband you've ever had?" I asked, playing along. "Am I not the only one?"

She pretended to think, looking dramatically around the room as if searching the corners of her mind for a long lost husband.

"Is he still locked in the attic?" I teased.

"_No Jane_, but I did marry Johnny Depp one summer. Boy, that man makes scissors look hot. It didn't work out…obviously. You're much better; I get to have sex with you _all_ the time." She wagged her eyes brows; bringing her hands to my chest, dragging them suggestively along my ribs, her hormones getting the best of her.

"Ah, now we get down to the thick of it, you married me for the sex."

"Naturally," Isabella laughed. "When you proposed I thought, _now_ I get to have sex with him. Yes!"

"Funny girl," I murmured taking her hand, kissing the diamond I placed there one summer night. "Thank God you said yes."

"It was always going to be yes, Carlisle. You're the only man for me."

"The only one huh…I suppose I don't blame you."

"Cocky ass."

Swatting my arse Bella walked over to the fridge once more, and resumed glaring at the contents, wondering out loud what to make for dinner. The raw chicken didn't even make it to the counter before Bella made a b line for the sink, and vomited, repeatedly.

I had hoped the "morning sickness" would abate by now but…no such luck. After she was done, I ran up stairs to fetch her toothbrush and toothpaste, familiar with the routine.

"Do you feel better?" I asked rubbing her stomach, kissing the top of her head. She nodded and attempted to go back to the chicken, but I stopped her. We'd order when they arrived, from multiple places if need be. Since there was no need to be in the kitchen we went to the living room to lie down on the couch, and of course, Bella was in the mood to make out like teenagers.

"Thank God they're running late," She whispered thickly against my lips, clamoring into my lap.

I loved what the hormones did to her libido.

xXXx

When the doorbell rang I groaned, "Is it selfish to want to pretend we aren't home?" She gave a face that clearly said yes, but her head shook no. She was full of contradictions.

In moments our quite home became a train station, compete with kisses and loud happy squeals of joy where Bella's bump was concerned. At one point, everyone, including Jackson, had a hand on her belly. Emmett looked at Rosalie with the obvious request for another baby to which she simply replied that if he wanted another one he could have it. The discussion ended. As if everyone suddenly remembered me, they all swarmed in and greeted me warmly, even Bella's boys. Felix shook his head at surge of estrogen in the room and apologized for Teresa's absence, she was sick.

"Maybe she's pregnant," Alice ribbed, sitting beside her husband in the living room.

"Teresa isn't pregnant, if that's what you're all thinking. Just because I got married like all of you bunch of saps does not mean I'm already on the baby train…no matter how attractive it is, _Bellar_."

"Stick to your own wife Hammen and stop checking out mine, yeah." It still was odd that Felix "The Hammer" Hammen was married, settled down to a life of monogamy, but he and Teresa had been nearly inseparable since Mississippi.

Bella came to sit on my lap, smiling at Felix, "I love that you've stopped whoring around. I knew you had it in you. Teresa is great…she keeps you in line—I love it."

He shrugged, smirking indulgently at her and asked what was for dinner. That of course started the great debate. Everyone wanted something different

Emmett wanted to know why Bella hadn't cooked; he was aching for some "Bella cookin". His face when she explained was priceless, part sympathy, part chagrin. My cousin had a soft spot for pregnant women, even more so for Bella. With apologies he came over, kissed her cheeks and began an in depth conversation about how she was feeling, ignoring the food discussion all together. Demetri and Joshua wanted Asian food. Jasper wanted Greek. Alice demanded steak and chocolate cake. Seth claimed to be watching his figure but threw out the suggestions for Italian. The twins started screaming about ice cream but Rose arched a meaningful brow and nothing more was said about ice cream for dinner. Charlotte, God bless her, was quietly playing with a doll beside Bella and I.

In the end, we ordered a little of everything. Jasper and I went to get Alice her steak, before swinging by some posh Chocolaterie for her chocolate cake, where I picked up a little something for Bella.

With so many different smells, Bella visited the bathroom often. It amazed me how she could just brush her teeth and come back to the table to eat her bland soup as if everything was fine. She was such a good sport but I loathed her being sick. Emmett caught my eye and gave me a smile that seemed to say, "I know how you're feeling". When she returned the third time, she pushed her soup away and reached for my hand under the table, playing with my fingers and my wedding band as the rest of us ate and talked over one another, true to family dinner fashion.

The food was finished much faster that it took to order and soon we all gathered in the living room, sipping wine and in Alice and Bella's case, juice. Emmett decided that I had hogged my wife for too much of the evening and quickly beat me to the seat beside her, sandwiching his massive body between her and Felix on the couch. Felix looked over at me, half hidden by Emm's shoulder, clearly disgruntled.

"Get off me you wanker, you're crushing my lungs."

"A party, a party, a party in your belly," He sang, rubbing her stomach with a silly grin on his face, "Go cheese, yeah! Go carrots because Bella doesn't like chicken, yeah! A party, a party, a party in your belly."

Hearing the familiar tune Jackson climbed in her lap, singing the same song in his signature volume—loud. Where Jackson went there followed Nikki only she danced in front of them, holding out her hand for Charlotte to join. She didn't. Instead, she ran over to me on wobbly legs, favoring a quiet embrace. It seemed she wasn't such a fan of Yo Gabba Gabba.

"Hello sweetie."

"Hi, Tarly." She snuggled in my lap, sucking her thumb.

Rose smiled at the show but the sarcasm in her voice was thick, "Thank you, Bella for introducing them all to Yo Gabba Gabba. Thank you, so much."

"Sorry Rose."

"Ah, come on Rosie, it's a great show, the kids eat it up. And you know you loved DJ Emm Rock this Halloween." I chortled loudly; I would never forget the sight of him in that orange jumpsuit and fuzzy hat. Thanks to Bella's quick thinking, we managed to snap a photo. He looked down at Bella and smiled before mock whispering behind one hand, "I can only do this with you, Belly._ You_ don't bite.

"The smuffette over there almost chewed my head off when I tried earlier. A party, a party, a party in your belly."

"Belly?" My wife asked laughing. "I can't even be _Ducky_. I'll take Ducky over Belly any day."

"Nope, sorry you're Belly till that kid comes out. Maybe Ali can get a cool nick name too, _if_ she'd just let me touch her stomach."

"When you get pregnant _Emmett_ see if you like people touching your stomach all the time. It's not a circus attraction. Umm," she moaned midway through her rant; apparently, her chocolate cake was delicious. Jasper smiled like a fool and continued to fork feed her cake.

It was a bit much, but who was I to judge? I had combed Paris for the _right_ blue pregnancy pillow before placing on the bed as a surprise.

"I think the baby likes all the attention…and the hands; it feels like the baby is trying to respond."

"You're already feeling the baby, how exciting!"

If Emmett got any more excited, he'd move in with us.

"I don't know how you two can stand not knowing what you're having. Demetri and I know exactly what our little girl looks like and we can barely wait till she's in our arms."

"When is Emma coming home?" I asked, stoking Charlotte's curls.

Almost a year ago, Demetri and Joshua started the strenuous and invasive process of adopting a child. Every crevice of their life together had been searched, turned over like a carcass in the desert, and finally after months of waiting and praying, their daughter, Emma was coming home.

Demetri stroked his husband's arm and said that by the end of December they'd be parents. As the conversation turned to the children, I couldn't help but take Bella's passionate stand. Some think it blasphemous for Bella, for me, for us, Catholics to support their relationship, their marriage but watching them, witnessing the love they so purely displayed, _I _found it blasphemous to not support and love them.

"Rose, honey, did you want to know the sex of your little ones?" Seth asked joining the conversation.

"With the twins we didn't wait, we just couldn't, but with Charlotte, we waited. We wanted to be surprised, we already had one of each so boy or girl, the baby was a blessing." Emmett agreed, and went back to the story he was telling our unborn child.

"I don't want to wait to find what Ali and I are havin'. If we could find out now, I would."

"We're having a girl and a boy Jazz, I already told you." I smiled at her certainty. The Whitlock-Hale twin gene prevailed on yet another generation. "Bella, babe, didn't you have a doctor's appointment yesterday, don't you two love birds have _something_ to share?"

"Does she know Bella?" I looked at her in question; her blush said it all.

As if on a swivel, everyone turned to look at Bella and she just smiled and went to retrieve one of the many ultra sound pictures from its proud place on the fridge. She passed it around with glee, bouncing on her toes as our family examined the picture of our boy. Emmett was quick to grasp was he was looking at, having seen it before, and jumped to his feet, giving Bella a ginger hug, whispering things I could not hear but felt, drawing a tear or two. In seconds, he was congratulating me, a boy, he kept saying with a grin. Rose was next and she followed her husband's lead, first Bella then me.

Alice was chattering away about all the shopping that "just had to be done", internally I groaned. This type of shopping I wanted to do with Bella, alone. Only Felix spoke the question the others didn't want to ask.

"You'll have to excuse me love, but I don't have a bloody clue what I'm looking at here. I know it's a baby but…"

"IT"S A BOY!" Alice yelled before either of us could respond and quickly she clasped her hands over her mouth.

After Alice's outburst everyone sat mesmerized by the news, a boy was coming into the family—of course; they would have acted the same way had our child been a girl, although I wager there would have been more squealing. Demetri, Joshua, and Seth cried, congratulating us both.

"What a lucky little boy he will be to have you both as parents."

The room agreed and began discussing Christmas and where we would be having it. Bella caught my eye across the living room and flicked her gaze to our family, silently telling me how much having them all here, meant to her. It amazed me how much they genuinely loved us.

After some time Emmett, Rose, and the kids decided to head home, Charlotte was already asleep and the other two were drooping. Seth, Demetri and Joshua called it a night soon after, kissing Bella, the baby, and me good night. With Emmett gone I took my seat beside Bella, as minimal as the separation had been, I missed having her in my arms. I didn't have her in my arms for long before Alice demanded, bouncing in her seat, to see the nursery, rattling away questions as to what Bella had painted on the walls. Jasper decided to go with the women.

"You know, that girl of yours really does look quite beautiful pregnant. I'm glad you came to your fucking senses…would've hated killing you." Felix said suddenly.

"Thanks and I would have hated you killing me as well."

"Are you nervous Carlisle?"

"About becoming a father? No, it's all I've ever wanted. I'm not going to lie, I worry about her and the baby, fret over their safety and about how well she takes care of herself. I have to remind the girl to slow down…but I'm not nervous about fatherhood. I'm ready."

"I figured you would stick her in a glass bubble…I would worry…all the fucking time. Is _she_ nervous?"

I sighed, "Yes, she is, I call it the Rene Complex…she's terrified of becoming her."

"Impossible," he quipped, swirling the red liquid in his glass.

"I know. I tell her every day and she knows she'll never be Renee but it's all new and she nervous. She's been very emotional lately; not being able to sleep is wearing on her."

"Fuck, I'd worry if she wasn't nervous. She's growing a person. It's fucking frightening Carlisle."

I laughed at his expression. He was horrified but there was something else, a hint of something I recognized and saw in myself. "Felix…do you have something to tell me?"

For a moment he struggled, but with stiff shoulders he turned to face me and I saw exactly what was going through my friend's mind. "Lately, I see babies and I…I ache for one of my own. It's freaking me the fuck out."

"Does Teresa not want a baby?"

"She says she wants what I want. Women just say things like that; they don't mean it…right? She wants a baby, she cares and you know what is fucked up…I care. I never thought I would, but I want a little lad running round the pitch with my name on his back. What the hell is happening to me?"

"I think it's called growing up Felix."

"Perhaps mate. Would it be so bad? Being a father…I think I could do it. I want to do it, I'm not twenty anymore…I want one before I'm a shriveled up geezer." He sighed, "Can I ask you how the sex is? Don't give me that face Carlisle, just two months ago, we were neighbors and you guys aren't exactly the prim and proper in the bedroom. The things I heard mate…"

I laughed a little, recalling all the times he greeted us in the morning with a shit-eating grin. "I suppose you have a point. The sex…it's, how can I describe it?" I searched for the right words to express how much more sex was between us.

"Has the magic gone out of it?" He asked hesitantly.

"No! The magic is still very much there."

"Yeah but is it all sweet and tender and all about that slow "making love till you weep" kind of shit, because I don't think I can swallow nine months of that."

"With Bella it's always a bit of both, we're passionate and loving and we also have moments when we need to tear each other up. It's…indescribable Felix. I'm not going into details, but at least with Isabella, the sex is better, more intense. I imagine that as she grows we'll have to get creative but that's the fun part."

"Indescribable, better, intense, fun, creative…these are good words. That's good," He nodded to himself thoughtfully.

"You should talk to Teresa; if this is something you truly want Felix. Personally, I think you'd be a brilliant father, just as long as your kid doesn't steel my boy's Hob Nobs."

"Never, he'll be Bellar's son and I wouldn't want to face her wrath. Kitty might scratch my eyes out. Besides _Cullen_, if you didn't want them stolen you shouldn't have been waving them around; it was nothing to blacken my eye for."

"Maybe you should have bought your own…if you didn't want your eye blackened." I returned his smile.

The nursery party came back down stairs, but only to say good night; Alice was grouchy and Jasper was a willing slave to Alice. Bella walked them out and before the door could close, I heard Alice and Bella arguing about something, followed by Bella's very distinct shriek and foulest French. Felix simply shook his head, murmuring to himself about how sexy that still was.

"What's wrong?" I asked, rushing to her as she came into the room. Bella pouted and let me lead her to the couch where she burrowed into my side.

"Alice took my chocolate…I didn't even know you had bought them till Jas mentioned them. Stupid pregnant slut, she pinched me when I tried to get them back. She's a mean pregger. If she weren't carrying Jasper's twin spawns, I'd kick her tiny ass into next week. I think I could take her."

"Of course you could Bella, love."

Felix snickered and mock whispered, "I'll get that devil pixie for you love…tomorrow I'll accidentally spill something that stains horribly on her…something harmless, I assure you. Maybe some mustard."

"No, she might karate chop you to death, then how would I explain that to Teresa."

Reluctantly he agreed, but I wouldn't put it past him to ignore Bella's wishes against retaliation.

Suddenly remembering something, I reached into my pocket and asked Bella to close her eyes and hold out her hand, after giving me an odd look she did as I asked.

I dropped the two truffles I was going to eat into her palm and whispered against her ear, "Open your eyes."

Tears welled in her eyes as she thanked me softly, carefully unwrapping one treat before taking a small bite, her tongue snaking out seductively to seek out the cream center. I bit back a moan but Bella wasn't as concerned with discretion. She moaned loudly, and I resolved to pull that sound from her later, several times. Felix wagged his eyebrows and I simply smiled and mouthed the word _indescribable_ to him.

"I never thought Chocolate and violet cream could taste so good. Thank you so much Carlisle." She sniffed. "I can't remember why I hated chocolate, it's clearly awesome."

"Bella, honey, I think that's the baby talking." She shrugged and continued eating happily.

"Bellar, may I?" Felix gestured to her bump and she rolled her eyes and asked when he became so polite. Gingerly laying one hand on her stomach, he sighed. I knew what he was feeling; there was nothing in the world like it. "Since I reckon that babe of yours can hear me, don't want him thinking his uncle Felix is some scoundrel. Wow, when do you reckon we'll feel the little guy kick?"

"Bella feels him often, swimming, kicking. We might not feel a kick for weeks yet, it depends on him really and which way he's facing. But normally around the twenty two to twenty three weeks, we should feel him out here. I can't wait…I've been staying up at night trying to see if he moves while she's sleeping…I'm hoping he starts soon." Bella looked at me in awe, a tiny speck chocolate on her bottom lip. "What, you can't say you had no idea…who do you think takes your shirt off most nights Bella." I told her before bending down to suck the morsel of chocolate off her lip.

Delicious!

"I'm going to leave you two to your wedded and pregnant bliss. Enjoy your chocolate Bellar love, both of you or should I say the three of you." He kissed her cheek and stood with a purpose, "I have to have serious chat with that ball and chain of mine…I blame you for this, Cullen."

"I'll take the blame, Hammen. Lock the door on your way out, yeah." I heard the distinct sound of the door closing and let out a relieved breath. "Alone at last."

Bella hummed, eyes fixed on the Christmas tree sparkling from its place in front of the window.

"Want to share," she offered the other chocolate. I took a small bite, licking the tips of her finger, savoring the taste of Chocolate, violets and Isabella on my tongue. Suddenly Bella looked like she wanted to eat me; her free hand traveled up my thigh and pressed against my crotch as she watched my mouth intently, her brown eyes burning in the dim light.

Her other hand was still holding the fast melting chocolate, the sweet cream slowly seeping out and down her thumb. Plucking the truffle from her fingers, I brought it to her lips, "Open your mouth."

She responded to my whispered command, taking the treat into her mouth along with my fingers, moaning as I returned the favor, sucking, and licking her dainty digits clean. A moment passed between us, fingers damp from each other's mouths, breath ragged, bodies aching for their partners, where I knew that we would not make it to our bedroom.

We only made it too the second floor landing before it became too much. Along the way, we had discarded clothes teasing the other, testing the waters, a shirt here, jeans there, but Bella threw down the gauntlet when she unhooked her bra and dropped it innocently on the floor, biting her succulent bottom lip. I reached for her then, my mouth salivating at the glorious sight of her. I reached for her hips but she backed away slowly, teasingly evading my grasp. Coyly sitting on bottom step in only her tiny lace boy shorts Bella, beckoned me over, spread her legs and whispered the words I most wanted to hear.

"You cash your rain check now, Carlisle."

It couldn't be helped.

She was too tempting.

The stairs were a reoccurring fantasy of mine.

I attacked her lips with veracity, gripping her waist, and Bella welcomed it.

Her body was my playground, alter, the perfect companion to my own; there wasn't a part of it I hadn't caressed with my lips, painted with my tongue. Every inch of herself, mind, body, heart and soul, she willing gave to me.

"Carlisle! Arrête de me taquiner! " I smiled against her ribs, licking her inked skin.

"Sweet, sweet Isabella, don't rush me love." I spoke against her skin, placing a kiss on her belly button while my hands ran up and down her legs and thighs, closer to her drenched center, but never quite close enough. I placed open-mouthed kisses all over her, the backs of her knees, her ankles, and the mole on the inside of her thigh…I couldn't get enough. _God, how was it that this kept getting better every time. _Bella moaned loudly, her fingers gripping my hair and tugging adamantly. "Patience is a virtue."

"Fuck Patience, fuck me." She whimpered.

"Such a dirty mouth you have, Isabella."

I almost considered taking pity on her. She was writhing, flushed and overheated, swollen and on the point of cumming but I didn't want to rush, I wanted to savor, draw out every morsel of pleasure.

She started babbling, promising in a mixture of English and French to do all sorts of naughty things to me if I'd only touch her. Taste her. Take her. Her scream echoed off the walls as soon as my lips wrapped around one perfectly pink nipple.

"Please Carlisle…baby. Please. I've waited all day…please."

"Oh, you have no idea what it does to me when you beg like that."

My hands ran over her breasts, caressing her nipples minding their sensitivity. I moved up to kiss her lips, hungrily slipping my tongue in her warm mouth, tasting her as our tongues danced together. Bella wiggled out of her panties and I gasped as my cock touched the wet flesh between her legs. My hips jerked in search of more friction, more heat…just more.

"God, Isabella, you've been like his all day? Why didn't you come find me, I would've taken care you sooner." She squirmed as I moved over her belly, trembled when I reverently kissed the place where our child slept. _She would never fully understand how thankful I was for this gift…for what she was giving me. _Without warning my tongue delved into her, lapping up her sweet juices, circling her clit before sucking into my mouth, desperate to make her understand that I worshiped her…would do anything for her.

She was everything.

I would gladly spend hours with my head between her silken thighs.

Her hand flew out, grasping the iron spindle for support, when I slid two fingers inside her, teasing the spot that never failed to bring her to orgasm in second while my tongue lazily circled her clit.

"Carlisle! I need you…now…in me. Now."

I could hear sexually frustration in her voice. She'd had enough and so had I. I was hard, aching for her, no use denying us both any longer.

"God, I need you too…always." I whispered into her ear. Trading places, I held on to her hips as she slid down my cock, inch by inch, until her bum rested on my thighs.

Heaven.

We both moaned at finally being joined this way after a week of neglect. Everything else melted, it always did when we were like this. Ardently we moved together, slowly sliding, grinding, giving, taking. I felt her everywhere, on me as her ragged sweet breath fanned over my face, as her hips rocked back and forth, in me as her eyes locked on mine, refusing to look elsewhere, telling me with those deep wide eyes what I meant to her.

Splaying my hands across her back, I brought her closer to my chest, needing to feel her, needing to eliminate all and any space between Isabella and me. In the past, that action brought us navel to navel but now, a new roundness kissed my stomach with each of her movements. The sensation of our child between us as we made love was sensational…If there ever was tangible proof of our love, it was there—it was our son.

Overcome I buried my face in her neck, unable to voice what my heart had known since the moment I saw her. Warm fingers caressed my neck.

"Carlisle, vous ne marcherez seul jamais. "

At her words like dominoes stacked against each other, our love, the sense of belonging I found in her arms, the way her heart beat in tune with mine, we tumbled gently, but strongly into orgasm. Limbs trembled, souls shook and tears fell.

It was simply indescribable, the amount of love and pleasure we gleaned from each other.

Slowly the world around us came back into focus; the wind howled, and winter flurries fell against the windows. Before she could get too cold, I carried her upstairs. Without bothering with clothes, I sat her on the bed and held her close, held her fast, still in the grips of our lovemaking.

"Thank you…Isabella."

"For what?" She asked sleepily.

"For everything Bella. For marrying me, for loving me, arguing with me…thank you for…our son, for building a home with me…Thank you for giving me a life worth living."

"You've…done the same for… me." Her voice shook as much as mine had as her fingers trailed, up and down my spine in a gesture that never failed to relax me.

"Without you, I'd live a lonely, miserable, loveless, _childless_ existence." I murmured, tracing the length of her neck with my nose. She shivered as my breath warmed her skin, "I'm nothing without you. You're everything to me, Isabella, you and our little guy. Nothing could mean more to me than the two of you."

Out of the blue, she slapped my bare arse, fucking hard, and crawled under that covers, muttering to herself as she fussed with her pillow.

"What the hell was that for Bella?"

"Making me cry! Again!"

I laughed, seemed like she was taking to my suggestion. I crawled in bed beside her and resumed my role as the big spoon. Tucking her head under my chin I laid a protective and loving hand on her stomach.

"Good night love." With the gentle swirl of my fingers, I wished the baby a good night and sweet dreams. Bella's hand joined mine, sniffing softly.

"Sweet dreams, my boys."

xXXx

July 28th

"Here we go," I pressed play, "now this is an old game, but I reckon we should start with this one. We all went to this one, but your view was quite different from ours and don't get me started on the game against Tottenham, wankers. Either way, we need to catch you up on last season before the new one starts back up… Here come the reds. You see that William, that is Anfield, the greatest pitch in all of England. My dad took me there when I was just a kid. It's magical isn't it?"

The camera panned, showing the faces of our opponents and I had the overwhelming urge to punch Wayne Rooney in the face. Cocky git. William growled at Rooney's face, agreeing with me. I laughed and I swore I could almost hear _We hate Nottingham Forest, We hate Everton too, We hate Man United But Liverpool we love you_ ringing in my ears.

"They are the hated Man United, we don't like them, it's not nice to hate but…We hate Manchester United. When you're a bit older I'll take you there, you'll love it. You're mommy did."

He blinked his big blue eyes at me, then at the screen and screamed excitedly, waving his arms and flashing me his gums.

"That's my boy, already a Liverpool bird on your chest." I laughed, dropping a kiss on his plump cheek, breathing in the scent of baby powder and calming lavender baby soap. "Sing with me Will…We hate Nottingham Forest, We hate Everton too, We hate Man United…but Liverpool we love you."

One day he'd know all the Kop songs. He screamed with glee as the game started. Not too keen on watching the whole game, or exposing William's developing brain to so much television, I skipped through and found the Liverpool goals. Each one prompted William to squeal and wave his arms around in celebration. By the third Kuyt goal, he had drooled all over his bib.

"Go Reds! That William, is called a hat trick. Yes it is," I picked him up and blew raspberries on his tummy. He loved that.

After the goals, he and I read for a while. I refused to cram his brain with anymore Harry Potter, so I went with a French classic. He gurgled, drooled and blinked happily up at me, as his brain absorbed my words and the pictures. He loved being read to and that love thrilled Bell and I both.

It was heaven.

In late April our son, William Charles Cullen, was born. It was a day I would never forget. Bella went into labor early one morning, we rushed to the hospital nervous and excited but Will wasn't ready, in fact he wasn't ready for another twenty some odd hours. All those hours my poor wife was in pain, I watched her struggle through contraction after contraction, tears and the agony of labor with pride and love. She was magnificent. She never screamed or cursed, she didn't blame me like they depict women in films. Instead, she clung to me, pulled strength from me and cried softly as I tended to her pain as best I could, all the while repeating to herself and me, that this was worth it.

She told our son that she would endure anything for him, for him to take his time. Throughout the pregnancy, Bella had taken to having full conversations with our son during her day. She told him everything, about her paintings, our friends, making sure he recognized her voice and knew that how much she loved him—it was no different during those hellish hours.

_Take your time honey, I love you._

It was a hard time for her, aside from the obvious, she missed her father and her grandfather, having them absent at our wedding and now the birth of our son was emotional. Our family came in waves to see her, soothing the ache, each offering kisses and reminders to breath. Her boys came and held her hand. Addie came, crying that her baby was having a baby. Emmett cried and asked our son to go easy on his mommy before Rose took him to the waiting room. Jasper, as much as he loved Bella, he kept his distance, the realization that he was next hitting him for the first time. Alice was the polar opposite of her husband. She wanted to stay with Bella, even though she was hugely pregnant herself, but Bella insisted that she wanted to do this with me. Only me. Finally, at three forty five in the morning he came in to the world, announcing his arrival with very healthy lungs. When I held him for the first time…words failed me.

He was the most precious gift anyone had ever given me.

After reading we wandered around the house, visiting every room, looking at pictures while I told him their significance. "That is our other house, you haven't been there yet, _Fleurs Sauvages _in Provence and that is where mommy and I got married_._" William reached out towards the picture of Bella, smiling, obviously deeply in love with her. "Yes, I know, mommy is beautiful. Elle est tres jolie."

Beside the photo of Bella and I in Provence was the first ultrasound photo; Bella had framed it and hung it on the wall nearest to where he was conceived. It was our little secret, no one knew.

"That's you; I know you...look like a big jelly bean with tiny arms and legs. We were so happy to see you that day." He squirmed and made a funny little sound Bella and I called his impatient voice. "This is probably the most important picture in the whole house."

Looking him in the eye, I pointed at the wall in all seriousness, "Can you keep a secret Will? This is where we made you. Yes, right here, it looked pretty bad then but, it will always be special spot. Now, you can't tell anyone. Promise?"

If I thought his eyes could get no bigger, I was wrong. He stared back at me, eyes as wide as Bella's, unblinkingly, his tiny mouth pursed as if telling me that he'd never tell a soul. A smile from me and he broke, giving me his signature smile, half smirk, half smile.

"You're going to break hearts with that smile William."

We went on that way, me pointing things out, showing him pictures of our family, his cousins, countless photos of Bella and I, his grandfathers, the men whom he was named after, and great grandfather Aro, switching from English to French. Bella and I made a point to speak to him constantly, in both languages. It was important to us for him to know at an early age that he was both Bella and I, English and French.

Midway through the tour William decided he was hungry and began sucking on my shoulder.

Grabbing a bottle from the fridge and heating it up, he and I went up to his room to eat but he seemed bewildered at the idea of being fed from a bottle and not his mom. After searching the room for her and coming up empty, he started to cry, long painful sobs. Every time he cried it broke my heart. His lips trembled as he made a heart wrenching sound I could only translate as, "Where is mommy?" Huge tears spilled down his face, a blush reminiscent of Bella's covered his snow white cheeks.

"It's okay, honey." I cooed, bouncing lightly, rubbing his back. I had never fed him…I wasn't equipped for the job.

Most of the time I was around when Bella fed him, and on those rare occasions when she gave him the bottle he at least had her presence to sooth him. He loved suckling at Bella's breast and I hardly blamed him, but she wasn't home. "Please Will, I know it's not as good as how you normally get your lunch but…you have to eat son."

He continued to cry, refusing his bottle. I tried everything, from bringing out a shirt of Bella's to calling Rose. I tried every plush toy he had, the yellow bunny, the big blue elephant Poe, purposely ignoring one in particular, but it seemed my son shared Bella's love of Harry Potter. How could he not, from within the womb she cultivated the love by reading him every book, twice. Begrudgingly I pulled the toys tongue and the nursery went silent save for a soft hum. With the hideous plush Monster's book of Monsters vibrating in his tiny fists William settled, the tears stopped and when I brought the bottle to his lips, he took it greedily.

"All that crying made you hungry, didn't it?" I murmured, rocking gently, nuzzling against his mahogany hair.

As he ate William looked at me, giving me his undivided attention. I had never known the feeling William gave me, when he recognized me as daddy. Every time I saw him, I was filled with pride, love, and unparalleled gratitude, so much so that my heart was at the point of bursting. My son, it was a joy to watch him, to see him and know that he loved me as much I adored him. He couldn't speak, obviously, but there was undeniable love in his eyes, Bella agreed.

Before he could finish his lunch his eyelids drooped, he fought sleep, sucking lazily at the bottle before giving in. His rosebud mouth continued to suckle even after I pulled the bottle away, milk dribbling out and soaking my shirt.

It was heaven.

"He hates that bottle," Bella whispered from the doorway, watching us lovingly. I asked how she had known and she replied that Rose called her.

"Do you want to take him?" I asked, offering her the baby as she came to sit beside me.

"He seems pretty happy in his daddy's arms, beside, I like watching you with him." Quietly I burped him, while Bella traced soft circles on my back.

"How was your morning? Did my boys have fun?"

I loved when she used that phrase, my boys. I told her about our day, how we looked at the photos, read and about the game. "He really enjoyed the game Bella; it was the most adorable thing I've ever seen. He screamed and waved his tiny arms around…we have to take him to Anfield. You never forget your first time at Anfield."

"I certainly haven't."

I arched a brow at her, "Making sexual references in the baby's room Bella. Tisk tisk."

"You remember how we made him right? Besides, I'm not the one that showed him where he was conceived _Carlisle._"

She had a point.

After three burps, I laid him down, waited to see if he'd wake, thankfully he didn't, and continued sleeping peacefully. Bella came over and dropped a kiss on his head before whispering to him in her native tongue.

"Faites de beaux rêves mon petit prince ... maman vous aime."

There were moments since his birth where the reality of our life struck me, tiny moments when I realized that this was truly mine. I was no longer alone, bleeding internally for a life I lost and a future I thought was gone. I wasn't longer trapped in a storm without hope in my heart.

My son was sleeping in his crib, surrounded by his mother's artistic efforts. Isabella was standing beside me, as she had promised the day she agreed to marry me, sun glinting off her wedding ring. I had the love of my son, my wife and my family.

I wasn't alone.

I never had to walk through life alone ever again…because of Isabella.

"He's perfect Carlisle…I mean I know every mom thinks that but—our son is perfect."

"Yes, he is."

"I want another one…when he gets a little older, maybe when turns one. I want them growing up together."

Isabella had come so far in that respect, the fear of becoming Renee vanished the moment we brought William home. I had been right all along, she was made for motherhood—caring and sweet, selfless and blessed with a capacity to love that was unheard of. The iniquities of her mother didn't shadow over her. My girl had come so far from the one paralyzed by the mere sight of a pregnancy test. I smiled, enveloping her in my arms, imagining her flat stomach swollen with another child. We did have another room waiting to be filled.

Perhaps this time, we'd have a girl. I could almost see her, blonde hair, rosy cheeks and big brown eyes

"I'd love that, sweet girl. Bella," I began, kissing the nape of her neck. "Do you remember what you said, when I asked you to marry me?"

"Yes."

"It had nothing to do with Liverpool…did it?"

"No, Carlisle, it didn't."

"Bella?"

"Yes?" She whispered, turning around and laying her head against my chest, her palm resting on my heart.

"Walk on through the wind…Walk on through the rain…Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown…Walk on, walk on…With hope in your heart…And you'll never walk alone…You'll never walk alone.

"You're my hope, vous ne marcherez seul jamais."

The sentiment of my words surpassed their Anfeild context, and lent itself to our life. We had been tossed and blown, together we survived and we were so much stronger because of the storm we weathered.

She was quite for a while, but when she spoke, I knew that she understood my meaning, she always did. "And you're mine Carlisle, but…I don't date French men."

I laughed softly, as to not disturb the baby, holding her closer, recalling her words from the night we met. Sir Winston's...such great memories.

"Well, then it's a good thing I'm not a French man, now is it."

She looked up at me adoringly, her lips curved around a brilliant smile."Yes, it's a good thing you aren't, Carlisle."

**A/N: C'est fini! **

**See, I told you it would be HAPPY!**

**Translations:**

***La Tour Eiffel est la bas et...**

**The Eiffle Tower is over there and...**

***Ce n'est pas possible**

**It's not possible**

***Merde, Carlisle c'est magnifique**

**Shit, Carlisle, it's magnificent**

***Mon cœur a chuchoté à moi que vous me trouveriez un jour.**

**My heart whispered to me that you would find me one day**

***Un moment, s'il vous plait Madame ?**

**One moment, please Madame**

***Le coeur parle la vérité**

**The heart speaks the truth**

***Arrête de me taquiner**

**Stop teasing me**

***Faites de beaux rêves mon petit prince ... maman vous aime.**

**Sweet dreams my little prince...mommy loves you.**

***Vous ne marcherez seul jamais**

**You will never walk alone**

**It's hard to believe my first Fic is finished. I would like to thanks EVERYONE who supported this story, stuck with Carlisle and Bella and Me! Special thanks to Marissa for being my beta, for constantly putting up with my many many many emails. A huge THANK YOU to KAY! You know what you mean to me, so I won't ramble. Kiss.**

**Thank You E.**

**Thank you to my readers, you know who you are, without Getting reviews, alerts, PMs from you lovely people made my day. If i could hug you all, I would, and send you all cup cakes. (=**

**I have also been toying with the idea of posting outtakes...Let me know if that is something you'd all like to read.**

**Love, hugs and kisses, people.**

**XX**

Autumn


	36. Outtake 1:Toujour yours

**A/N: Hello!  
**

**I hope you all enjoy this outtake; sorry it's taken me so long to post one. It's Proposal time! Carlisle pops the question...(=  
**

**A huge thanks to Nachos4Children for helping me out on this, she's aces. If you aren't already reading Clementines….What are you waiting for? Go! Read it now!  
**

**Ok, on to the chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

BPOV

The rude light of morning burst through the windows, waking me, illuminating the full range of my artistic inebriation. And, in the very corner of the room, in his worn jeans and benevolent smile, was Carlisle.

"Coffee, love?"

I nodded from my place on the mattress, still a little groggy, and sat upright to take his kind offering. I welcomed the rich French roast and the smell of paint, linseed oil, and him.

He looked around, hands shoved in his pockets, careful not to disturb the setting scenes, examining how well the new studio he fixed up himself (i.e. had one of the many men flitting in and out of our place build and install shelves, while he bought every art supply my heart could desire) took to my passions. Lightly, he commented that this would have never been possible at my flat.

I couldn't agree more - at least, it couldn't have happened so peacefully.

Boxes swallowed our life. Boxes and renovation. But mostly boxes. Carlisle moved out of his flat almost three weeks ago and all his things - packed in haste by Jasper, Emmett, and him - landed unceremoniously at mine. At first, it was cute that he kept everything. His pack rat ways were endearing, but as the boxes mounted, spilling over as he searched for things, becoming scattered around my once orderly and chic flat like a damn cardboard maze, it wasn't so cute anymore.

He had books from grade school, newspapers announcing Liverpool victories from before he was born, and a shitty green guitar that was missing two strings, and the shitty amp - non-functioning amp, might I add - to match. Boxes made their way into the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, _my studio_, all unpacked; rifled through and bursting at the seams with the abundance of crap he refused to put or throw away. Each morning, there seemed to be more of them as if they multiplied overnight behind my back in an evil plot to engulf every square of breathing room. I was suffocating, but he seemed so happy. So I kept quiet as dusty back issues of literary magazines appeared on the vintage brass table in my bedroom, breaking a jade elephant I got as a gift from Charlie when his box of toiletries was pushed in a corner after daily use. But after what I came home to one afternoon, I couldn't stay quiet anymore.

After a long day spent toiling over our work in progress, arguing with the contractor, and stripping hideous wallpaper, all I wanted was a tranquil night with Carlisle - to eat our Thai food from the containers, curl up on the couch, and watch an old movie. But even from the door, I saw that something was terribly wrong.

His rakish request for a kiss wasn't enough to distract me.

"What did you do, Carlisle?" I rushed to the studio, not giving a shit if he had the bags or not. The sight enraged me, but I tried not to cry. I waited for a plausible explanation, an apology.

"Bella, where's my kiss?" he asked, somewhat alarmed, setting the food down, unaware of the anger rising within me. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Really, Carlisle?" I turned and glared at him. How could he possibly ask me such a stupid question? His brow furrowed at my tone, glasses slipping down his nose.

"Whatever it is, I'll make it better…Come here, I haven't seen you all day."

"_Whatever it is?_Carlisle, are you blind?" He pointed to his glasses and smiled. "You were in here, moving boxes, shifting things! Look at my painting…it's ruined!" I yelled, stamping my foot.

Before I left for our place that morning, I specifically and explicitly warned him not to go into the studio. _Oils take time to set Carlisle. Don't go near it; don't touch anything in this room._ He had sworn up and down that he wouldn't. Nevertheless, he had been rummaging for something, giving little thought to the casualty in the corner. My painting was wedged, smeared beyond recognition, between the wall and a box labeled _Vinyls_.

"Did you just stamp your foot at me? Oh, Bella," he chucked softly before surveying the horrendous damage. "It's not ruined…just smudged a bit. You have time to fix it. Now please, give me a kiss; I've missed those lips today."

"I'm not kissing you, Carlisle William Cullen; can't you see that I'm pissed at you? There's shit everywhere; I'm lucky if I can hack my way through all of this just to get to my paints, and all this "time" you _think _I have, doesn't exist." I snapped, retreating before he could reach out and fold me into his chest. As luck would have it, I knocked into a box, sending the contents crashing to the floor. I gripped the counter for support as my feet slipped. "What is all of this shit, Carlisle? Marbles? Are you twelve?"

"No, but I was once. Watch it baby, there might be broken glass," he warned, bending to pick up the bits and bobs, trying to steal my dignity.

"Fuck! Carlisle, I can't move without crashing into something or knocking over a damn box. It's a sea of boxes, and I'm drowning!"

"Bella, when _don't_ you crash, bump into, and or knock things over? You're a little klutz, babe." Straightening up, he placed the now full box back on the teetering tower from which it came, and smirked. "Must I remind you of poor Father Dave?"

Feeling my face grow hot, I barely restrained myself from telling him to go fuck himself. I had utterly embarrassed myself at his nephew's wedding when I slipped and knocked into the ancient priest _before_ the ceremony. The wedding started late to give time for the dizziness to "bugger off" and to stem the blood flow from his head wound. Fucking England and its perpetually damp stone! I was mortified and spent most of the reception hiding behind Carlisle, avoiding the question, _Are you the young woman who injured Father Dave?_

It was The-Day-That-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned, and he knew it.

"Fine! I'm a fucking priest-maiming klutz, but you, Carlisle," I shouted, balling my fists at my sides, "are a hoarder! Who needs newspapers from the forties—you weren't fucking alive! My painting, Carlisle - I told you it was important! It's ruined, and you're standing there fucking smiling. What the hell is wrong with you?" Tears spilled down my cheeks, angry and frustrated; the headache hovering around all day, finally settled in, and Carlisle was making it worse.

"Hoarder is overstating things. Bella, calm down. I know the painting is important," he murmured, his tone patronizing.

"Don't tell me to calm down, Carlisle. Look at this shit…how can you live like this?"

His eyes narrowed, and finally, his face matched the moment. "Most of this crap, _Isabella,_ is yours. And seeing as we're playing _Home Make Over_, here is the only place I have to keep my things, with you. If not here, then where would you like me to put all my 'shit'?"

The argument escalated from there. We both said things we didn't mean out of anger, stress, or both. Admittedly, we had a lot of this going on; his recent addition to the literary world was gaining attention on a level we hadn't expected. Felix sprung a wedding on us out of left field and asked both Carlisle and I to be in it—Carlisle as his best man, me as one of the groomsmen. Yeah, he thought that was real clever. Our fixer upper was hard work, even with the help we had. Seth wanted a Christmas show, and Demetri was breathing down my neck, anxious to have everything prepared on the off chance that he and Bonbon would too busy with a new baby by that time. Our fuses were short at that point, and I had to admit that I overreacted a tiny bit, but his _sans souci_ attitude was what really got to me. For the first time, I felt as if he wrote my work off as a hobby with a shrug and a flippant remark. Had he shown a semblance of remorse, I would have been fine.

I took a walk to cool off, but guilt immediately began eating away at me—I was more than a little ashamed of the way I refused to give him a simple kiss. Before I could turn back and apologize, Carlisle was there beside me, equally guilty, with an apology. That night, after making up, we went through our belongings, tossed useless things, and made compromises about the newspapers. We kept the sentimental things like the guitar, his father's books, and the marbles.

He was, I was learning, a _very _sentimental man.

Grinning, taking in his casual stance, hand in his right pocket, I patted the mattress beside me. "You're too far away, Carlisle."

When he sat, I crawled into his lap and laid my head on his shoulder, running my fingers through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. He smelled fantastic - clean, and manly. It soaked into everything, the sheets, the air, my clothes…my skin. Softly, I asked if he had been sleeping here; it was very early, and Carlisle wasn't an early bird.

"Every night…in our bedroom. I don't like sleeping away from you." His warm hands slipped under my shirt, covering my back as he pressed his lips to my neck once. "Besides who, if not me, would make sure you ate, got coffee, and had a comfortable place to sleep…I was tempted to steal you away though, just for the night."

"I wouldn't have minded." I thought about the meals that appeared just when I realized I was hungry, the mattress and crisp sheets I woke up on one morning. He was, without a doubt, the most amazing man to walk the planet. "You're such a sweet man, Carlisle…I don't like sleeping away from you either. So, tell me, what's been going on with this place?"

Blushing, he recounted his dive into home renovation sans moi, his hammered thumb, a near incident with the tile cutter, and his aching muscles. He wasn't a handy man, but he tried, and looked so cute doing it. Kneading his shoulders, I apologized for leaving him the brunt of the work.

He assured me he didn't mind at all; he was happy to do it. "Bella...this was a long time coming, I could see it in your eyes. I can hold down the fort while you do your thing."

The past week, the deeply hooked-in fangs of inspiration had eclipsed the love I felt for him - my need for him. Art took over and locked me in the grips of feverish painting. A hunger so ravenous, that it gorged itself until I fell exhausted and covered in paint, to sleep, to dream, only to wake the next day with my muse nibbling at my ear, and awakening artistic lust. It was unnatural, the amount of work I accomplished. Souls, worlds, emotions poured on to countless canvases scattered about the large room like a mad man's study. Like Edward Hyde and Dr. Jekyll, though nowhere near as sinister. Both crazed artist and normal girl were bound together—one laying dormant, while the other assumed control. This happened from time to time; I'd disappear for days at a time, nourishing my body and soul with what it so desperately called out for. More than desire, but a vital purge, a cry to be heard, appeased, and let out. I didn't see the light of day until the images stopped flying and gnawing at my brain.

I knew the high of creation would soon fade; I could already feel my fingers relaxing and draining anxious energy, the hunger siphoning off. But in its place, a new hunger was blooming.

One that only my man could satisfy.

"What would I do without you?"

"Love, let's never find out...ok?"

"Ok...Carlisle," I murmured, leaving small pecks along his neck, "Do you have plans for today?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing. No painting today, Dali?" I shook my head, nibbling on his ear. A shiver ran through his body, forcing a sharp hiss from his lips. "In that case… w—would you like to go s—somewhere with me?"

My lips ventured back down, trailing along his neck. I imagined the places he showed me and the sexual heights he took me to, and I was eager to be taken by him, as many times as he wanted, anywhere he wanted. "You can take me _anywhere, _Carlisle," I breathed, fingers drifting over his belt to cup his already straining cock.

"Hmmm, naughty girl, that's not what I meant. You artists," he teased, stilling my swiveling hips, "always immediate gratification with your lot. Patience, love."

"I'm horny now. You know painting turns me on, and you're already hard. Please, pretty please with me on top?" I batted my eyes and coyly bit my lip, feeling him harden further.

"Bella," he spoke, his voice deep and low, "wouldn't you rather ride le train fantôme…it's the last day of La Foire du Trone."

My attention snapped from the tempting sight of Carlisle beneath me - cheeks flushed and hair soaked, my technicolor hands intertwined with his clean ones - to a more wholesome image.

Like the scent of cloves in the air brought autumn, La Foire du Trone brought summer to France. As a girl, it wasn't _été _until I walked the Pelouse de Reuilly, cotton candy in hand.

"Really?" I bounced, excited, "Oh, Carlisle…we had so much fun the last time…the flying swings and cotton candy! Are we really going?" I knew full well that I was acting like a child, but who doesn't like a fun fair?

"I knew that would get your attention. Yes Bella, we are." He swiped a wayward curl away from my face affectionately.

"Can I still ride you later?"

Carlisle laughed loudly and cradled my face between his hands. "I certainly hope so, Bella."

"Zut Alors! I can have both? I'm a lucky girl." Giving him a kiss on the cheek, I hopped off his lap. "I'll be quick—"

One golden brow rose in amusement. "Quick? Have you seen yourself, Love?"

I realized then how I looked - my stained fingers, spattered arms, paint-stiff tank askew and moth eaten, my Pollock-esque jeans wrapped around my hips and legs. Even my feet were painted on.

I was a mess. Cleaning up would not be quick, and I frowned at the thought.

My eyes met Carlisle's, and I realized as I was taking stalk of the damage, his eyes were roving over me. He was appraising, leering even…and I liked it. Standing, towering over me, he leaned in, stray locks falling in his eyes. He winked and hauled me over his shoulder, swatting my ass playfully.

"Someone needs a bath."

xXXx

Hours later, and after much coaxing, Carlisle convinced me to get on La Grande Roue. The sun was setting, the sky looked gorgeous, not at all frightening, and he was pouting, saying _please, Bella _in the low, husky voice he knew I couldn't resist; so I packed up the courage got in line.

Me and Ferris Wheels were like oil and water, cake and wasabi. Normally, these rides didn't scare me, I loved the rush but one traumatic experience with Seth and Jake in sixth grade and the so-called "benign attraction" struck the fear of God in me.

That was ages ago though, I was an adult now. I could do it, I reassured myself...weakly.

"Bella, I'll hold you the entire time," he whispered in my ear as we inched closer and closer to gate of doom, holding me to his chest as if to reaffirm his words. "I'll keep you safe."

I sighed contently, craning my neck back to kiss his cheek. I knew he would.

This day at the fun fair wasn't much different from our first. We played the carnival games, won stuffed animals - a duck, a monkey, and an elephant - only I kept these for some reason; my bag was nearly bursting. We rode rides, zoomed around bumping each other with bumper cars, humorously taunting each other, despite the funny looks the kids gave us. We soared like birds on the flying swings, laughing as we tried to keep our hand locked together; yelled our lungs off on Le Power Max as it hurled us through the air and copped a feel or two on the ghost train. I teased him with the ever-phallic corn dog, enjoying the strangled groan that fell from his lips, and how he pushed me against the booths and claimed my lips. He got me back for the corn dog fellatio, salaciously licking his fast melting ice cream as we walked through the crowds, his gaze meeting mine with a smirk.

_We _were different though. No longer new and apprehensive or unsure of our place in the other's heart, Carlisle and I walked hand in hand, headless to any stray looks or snide comments by old men operating the games.

We enjoyed each other.

"God, this makes me feel like I'm in high school again: summer love, cotton candy, a beautiful girl sitting beside me...See, baby, it's not so scary," he spoke into my ear as we began to climb higher.

I peered down at the ground at the tiny specks of people and let out a tiny squeak of terror. His arms tightened around me protectively, reminding me softly not to look down.

"My memories aren't as pleasant. Distract me please, Carlisle…I…I don't love it up here," I pleaded, remembering how violently Jacob rocked the gondola. I had been sure that at any moment I'd fall to my death.

"Shhh, you're safe with me," he cooed, playing with my fingers, holding them up in the fading daylight. "Your hands are so soft…not even the slightest proof of all the paint. Who knew olive oil could be so…_versatile_."

The tension and fear drained away in his sturdy embrace and tender words. He often had that effect.

"Carlisle…I like this distraction."

"As do I, Bella."

I learned long ago that soap and water did nothing to remove oil paint from my skin. If anything, it made it worse - spreading the mess, and the rough residue lingered, as did the pigment. Carlisle had been slightly confused when I mentioned olive oil, but once I explained, he was only too keen to help me…get clean.

I had never seen him strip down to his boxers as quickly as he did this morning.

Laid out on our newly tiled en suit, Carlisle rid me of my sullied clothes. He drizzled the oil on my skin and sensually smoothed his hands over the flat planes of my stomach, thighs, and arms, kneading, massaging the multicolored flecks, drips, and splatters away. He was riveted, wide eyed, as he worked the oil into my legs and toes, wringing sighs and moans from me, my back arching off the cool tile in ecstasy. Arousal and oil pooled around me. Lathering our hands above my head, his lips latched on to mine as his hips rolled and slid in tandem with mine, his clothed manhood trapped between us. I never knew such pleasure could be drawn from such a mundane task.

"That was much better than how I normally clean the paint off...even with you cock blocking me."

"If I remember correctly, Isabella…I spent a generous amount of time between your legs."

I squirmed, recalling his soft hair grazing my stomach, his velvet tongue twirling and teasing, slipping and sliding. The effect of recounting our morning activities had on me was not missed.

His voice was warm in my ear. "You're squirming, dear...I like it. Tell you what, I'll replace what I ruin, Bella…as long as you promise to model for me."

I agreed, laughing at the vicious cycle: replace, ruin, toss out, and replace. Mon Dieu! I would single handedly boost the economy at this rate.

He cleared his throat, "I must confess that I've watched you this week, at night, while you worked. I tried to sleep, but knowing that you were awake, just a floor above me…slaving away…I couldn't. I hope that doesn't bother you…I was _very_ curious."

"You know what they say about curiosity..."

Surprisingly, it didn't bother me, but…at one point, I abandoned my clothes, needing to feel unencumbered and connected. I blushed hotly, knowing that he had seen my nude painting, but he smiled against my cheek.

"You didn't notice me… so intent on your work, your art - so passionate, so enthralled…but I noticed everything. I've never witnessed you in your natural habitat, in your siren lair; I have always wondered what it would be like. It was so beautiful…wild and quite honestly, it was the most enticing thing I've seen you do to this day. I loved it, but I'm glad you're back."

He ran a hand down my windblown hair, playing with the short strands. When he spoke, his voice held a slightly serious edge.

"I know you've been worried about how I'd react to this…my first taste of how processed you can become, but like I've always told you…I love all of you…hot temper, manic painting, and all. Your art is a part of you, Bella, and I respect that. I wouldn't have it any other way, nor would I ever take it from you, and force you to choose between it and me."

My throat constricted, and I fought against tears. Over the past months, we had worked together to rid ourselves of past fears, insecurities, and heal wounds we had and shared. But this one topic I avoided like the plague. It was a sore spot of mine - something I tended to keep undercover. I pushed away the urge to paint in fear that he'd feel neglected or worse, resent me for ignoring him. Prior to this week, his assurances against my fears meant very little. How could he make promises when he had no frame of reference?

He only knew what came after the work. He knew the organization, arrangements of panels, and the madness of shows. Now, he knew…everything, and he was still the same man I fell in love with…It was a breath of fresh air - that last bit of acceptance.

I whispered my thanks. Just when I thought I couldn't love him more.

We were quiet for while, enjoying the view of the city, of the fair grounds, and the park beyond as night fell. I nibbled at my cotton candy, every so often kissing him with sugary lips, feeding him pieces. Lights began sparkle across Paris as the sun said its final farewell, and the noise from below - the laughs and screams - became muffled, leaving Carlisle and I in our own world. The view really was beautiful, and I was surprised to find that I wasn't scared; in his arms, I felt safe and loved. When we reached the top, Carlisle cleared his throat and shifted so we were face to face.

"We are taking a big step together," he began, his voice shaking ever so slightly, "making a home, integrating our lives, learning how to live with each other…I haven't lived with anyone in…a—ages.

"I wouldn't dream of doing this with anyone but you. I love you so much I can't…I can't think coherently. I act like a fool, and I can only attribute it to how deeply I adore you. Isabella, I don't think you fully u—understand how much I…"

He trailed off, looking around as if in the sky, the right words would offer themselves to him. I fought against laughter and waited patiently.

"I'm not doing this very smoothly; I'm nervous."

Even if he hadn't admitted it, I knew—his cheeks were flushed pink, and his Adams apple was quivering like a leaf, but I couldn't imagine where this sudden bout of nerves came from.

"Carlisle, whatever it is," I squeezed his hand reassuringly, "Just tell me. You don't need to be nervous with me or smooth. Personally, I love when you ramble…it's adorable."

He smiled and took a deep breath before thrusting a hand into his pocket—in his hand lay a tiny black box.

My eyes widened. _Mon Dieu! _That did not look like an earring box.

Before he opened his mouth, my answer danced on my tongue.

"I want to take another monumental step with you, Isabella.

"I've racked my brain for the most romantic way to do this - the perfect way to do it. Lizzie told me if I messed this up, you would remember it for the rest of our lives, so I had better do it right. Romantic dinners, revisiting Sir Winston's, a weekend away in Provence … every idea I had felt cliché, over the top, and simply unworthy of such an occasion. They weren't us. I was going to wait…but I can't wait, love. I want you to be my wife...now."

"Carlisle..." Tears filled my eyes, the cotton candy slipped from my fingers, forgotten, more than likely landing on someone's coifed hair. He opened the box, but my eyes remained on him.

"I bought it the week after we came back from Mississippi…I've carried it around with me, waiting for the right moment. It's been burning a hole in my pocket since then. I've pictured this ring on your finger for months now. I've dreamt of this…Isabella, my love," Tenderly, his thumb swept away my tears. "almost as many times as I've dreamt of having a child with you."

He paused to compose himself as the gravity of what he was doing overwhelmed him. Hell, it was overwhelming me.

"From the moment I met you, I knew there was something undeniable about you. I had to know you, and once I knew you, I was addicted to you, to the way you laughed with me, listened, and genuinely cared about me. I never expected to find you. You've…you are irreplaceable, vital to my life…and every day I fall deeper in love with you, Isabella. I never imagined that this…was possible for me, but you…bring me such…joy and love and…you...you make me feel whole."

"It's the same for me, Carlisle…there's no one like you," I told him, frantically chewing on my bottom lip.

"We been through so much together, not all pleasant, but I know it made our love stronger, unbreakable. If you marry me, I know…our marriage…will be just as strong. I can't promise that we won't face obstacles, but I can promise to give myself to you, wholly and faithfully. I can promise to fill your life…o—our life, with happiness, laughter, and love; to protect you, hold you…love you."

"Oh, Carlisle."

"If you marry me," he whispered, tears filling his eyes, "I promise to walk through life beside you through everything, as your partner, as your friend…as your lover…t—toujour."

Unable to contain myself any longer, I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply, cursing the bar across our laps. I knew it would happen at some point - it was inevitable, like wine at a French dinner table - but he had caught me completely off guard. I couldn't believe that he had had the ring for months and pictured this moment countless times… that he couldn't wait any longer.

"Bloody hell, I haven't really asked you, have I?" Carlisle's smile was sheepish, sweet, and shy as he broke our kiss, slightly out of breath, realizing his blunder.

"No, you haven't…but I already have my answer," My right hand played with his hair as I laid my left on his thigh. "Ask me…I want to hear the words."

"Isabella, mon Idylle, will you marry me?"

His reaction to my simple answer was…everything. Even old and grey, I would recall with perfect clarity, how he kissed my lips chastely - once, twice - and slipped the ring on my finger with the dazzling smile of a truly happy man and trembling hand.

"Finally," he breathed, his forehead resting against mine, eyes downcast and intent on the fourth finger, now adorned with his ring. "It's where it belongs, Bella."

"Finally."

Only when the clapping, wolf whistles, and squeals from the crowd became increasingly hard to ignore, did I realize that we were, thankfully, on the ground. And holding up the line.

The man released the bar with a silent _Écouter,_ and I pulled Carlisle away from the Parisians wondering if we were who they thought we were. The French were glutton for scandal and gossip, and suddenly, I wanted to be alone with him.

"Take me home, Carlisle, please," I pleaded.

He couldn't help bringing my hand to his lips before answering me. "Which home, Isabella?"

"_Our _home, Carlisle."

We walked quickly, cutting through the late night crowd, to where Viggo was parked. Carlisle threw his leg over the bike, casually leaning a forearm on the handles, waiting for me to give him the keys. He learned, after a few lessons with me, that he liked driving my bike, almost as much as I liked riding behind him. I was struck by the Wild One likeness, the innate Marlon Brando cool that emanated from him, that I lingered for a moment, admiring him, his firm thighs holding the heavy bike, his dusty boots firmly planted on the ground, the smile the stretched from ear to ear. He was buoyant, and soon he'd be mine - legally - forever.

Toujour.

Never before had that thought thrilled me, but I wanted nothing more than to be his wife. I placed the keys in his capable hands, and his eyes lit up.

"Drive fast," I told him, mounting the bike. Pinching his hips with my thighs, I kissed his shoulder. "I want to make love to my husband-to-be."

He revved the engine, and the machine roared to life. "Hold on to me, Bella."

As the night and cars blurred, I admired my new jewelry - how the lights glinted off the diamonds and white gold. I had never considered what I wanted my engagement ring to look like, as so many of my sex did, mostly because I never saw myself married, but this one was mine. It spoke my name. It was ornate, antique, Art Deco - a detail I was sure was no accident - and impressive without being ostentatious.

It was perfect.

Before I realized it, we were home, stumbling over the threshold, lips attached. My leg hitched around his, tugging his hair as he peppered my neck with soft, feather-like kisses - poetic French words drifting between us.

"Isabella…I…I can't tell you how happy you've made me tonight. I just…I can't."

He was lost for words, breathing heavily…emotional.

"Probably as happy as you've made me. Come, I want to share something with you, Carlisle."

Taking his hand, I lead him upstairs. He questioned me as we passed our shamble of a bedroom, but followed nonetheless - climbing the stairs, gripping my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.

"I want you here, Carlisle," I told him breathlessly, closing the door to my studio, my sanctum of inception. He stood by the table, briefly surveying the dry paintings, before looking back at me.

The open window carried fresh air into the room; the light overhead illuminated the mess, the brushes, studies of bodies, linear charcoal…the fruits of my labor.

My world.

"Here, Bella?"

I nodded. "I want to think about this night every time I come in here." I undressed, removing everything but the ring. It would never leave my finger. "I want to remember the night you asked me to be your wife…the night you put this ring on my finger…whenever I step in here. You are part of me, more than anything…more than this." I gestured to the tools of my trade. "You belong here, Carlisle...we belong together."

As I stalked towards him, he backed up - a coy smile on his face as he pulled off his shirt. The back of his thighs met resistance, but he took no notice, said nothing. He didn't need to.

The gnawing hunger came back, but this time it wasn't oil or acrylics it craved. It was Carlisle. I feasted on him, dragging my teeth across his pectorals, swirling my tongue around his tight copper nipples, and letting my delicate fingers dance over his quivering abs. He groaned, grunted, and pulled at me, desperate to have me. When I unzipped and released his rigid cock, my stokes were firm, slow, and masterful as I winked from between his thighs before taking him in my mouth.

He muttered a breathless curse; his legs shook under the pleasure, but he managed to stay standing as I devoured, licked, and nibbled him. Closing my eyes, I let my tongue slip over his warm flesh. Only when I took one of his balls into my mouth, did his knees gave way, and his ass landed on the table. A different curse left his lips in a tone rare for these moments, and my eyes snapped open. I stopped, withdrew, still gripping his pulsing, wet cock.

"Why is my ass wet, Bella?"

I had a pretty good idea as to why. Peering behind him, I saw the table laden with acrylics and oils in varying shades and hues, and knew I was right.

"You…you sat in…paint." Through a fit of giggles, I managed to speak. "Turn around for me, babe. Aww, your ass…c'est magnifique!"

His derrière was covered in a colorful wash, and I couldn't help but swirl the colors around, drawing half moons with a finger before signing my initials on a firm cheek.

"What a masterpiece!"

"Glad you think so, Bella…where can I clean this off?" He guffawed, turning to face me, his face a mixture of playful annoyance.

I laughed and pushed him back on the acrylics before he could protest, noting that his cock was still, thankfully, magnificently hard. "Clean off…no no no, honey. There will be no cleaning off." Climbing on the table, kneeling in the multi-hued mess, I repositioned him with my clean hand, and lowered myself on him, just enough to keep him breathless.

"We can clean off later." I sank further, painting a rainbow swirl around his nipple, rolling my hips in a way Shakira would be proud of.

He grinned, catching on to what I was playing at and splayed both hands in the paint before laying them on my hips. Drunk on the truest primal sense of creation, I rode him, dipping my hands back in the pigments and running them through his hair, down his back, and over my breasts.

With a growl, Carlisle lifted me down onto the drop cloth, wrapping my legs around his waist and resumed his rhythmic thrusts, feverish caresses. Our bodies were the paintbrushes and our canvas as we rolled around, leaving the imprints of limbs, love, and sex, in the splattered tan fabric - a permanent souvenir of the night.

Our lovemaking was as zealous and forceful as ever, but there was something behind the carnal play - a playfulness that filled every pore of our bodies and every crevice of our hearts.

I came in hot shudders, gripping his biceps - Carlisle following close behind, his teeth scraping across my shoulder. As we recovered on the floor, our hands gently caressed any inch of skin we could find. His pale hair was a lovely shade of green and blue, matching the many smeared hand prints along his flanks and back. I could only imagine what I looked like - a paint spattered mess - but I could care less.

Looking down his technicolor nose, he grinned. "You're going to be my wife."

"Let's do it soon, please...in Provence. I want to be Mrs. Cullen - now."

His voice caught in his throat. "Music to my ears…_Mrs. Cullen_."

xXXx

The next day over lunch, Alice, Rose, Seth, Demetri, and Bonbon were besides themselves; they had been waiting for this day for a while, having seen the ring months before. While Alice and the boys commented on Carlisle's exquisite taste, Rose simply smiled and welcomed me to the family.

Alice pulled away from the deep discussion of cut and clarity, "So Bella Soon-to-be-Cullen, when do you want to do this? I'm going to plan it right?"

I nodded, smiling indulgently. "Ali, who else could I trust with this? You're my sister."

"She's known about this wedding for months…it's practically planned in 'er 'ead. I bet she even 'as 'er Maid of 'Onor dress."

Giggles drifted around the large table on Seth's roof top terrace, along with the bottle of wine.

"Shut up, Demetri and eat your salad," Alice snapped, cutting him a filthy look. "Oh, Bella, I have so many ideas...I could barely keep quiet all this time. Naturally, you're getting married in Aix, right? Yes. Do I know you, or do I know you? A small wedding, personal, and romantic. I'm thinking an afternoon ceremony, night reception…so it's not so hot, and we don't all melt! Carlisle's suit is to die for - darkish taupe, cream shirt, and a bow tie because I know how much you like them. OH MY GOD, I have the perfect dress on hold with a designer. It's a cream masterpiece - summer lace with a beautiful straight neckline and open back because I know how much Carlisle loves that - cocktail length, very romantic, and soft. You'll look perfect in it, but you'll have to look at it first. Now, colors are tricky, but you like blues and you both look great surrounded by blue so I was thinking we could stay in the family." Alice bounced up and down, upsetting the table and knocking over the flowers.

With the Jedi reflexes, Rose moved the wine glass Alice was seconds from spilling on her white jeans to a safer place. "My God Ali, relax - let the girl catch her breath…He just proposed last night."

"Rose," Seth began, "have you ever seen Alice relaxed?"

"No, never," she and Demetri replied in unison. Alice glared for a moment before texting away on her disco phone, murmuring about invitations and guest lists.

"There's so much to do! I've waited sooo long to tell her. Guys, I've been sooo good. Jasper had to help me."

"Actually," I hedged, spearing a chuck of tuna on my plate, "I love _everything_ you just said, Alice. We want to get married soon. What? Don't look at me like that! I'm not pregnant…We just don't want to wait."

Alice looked at me for a long time, her bright eyes searing into mine before declaring that I was telling the truth. They moved on, trusting our little gypsy fortune teller.

"August - it's perfect…nice weather in Provence and 'alf of the country will be on 'oliday."

I looked around at all their faces, a little worried. "Is August too soon?"

"Please, honey! We can work magic in weeks, and you are already starting with a masterpiece. The Church might be tricky though, I'll call Father Philippe tomorrow and drop your name...and Aro's - see what happens, but summer _is _wedding season. How do you feel about getting married at your house? You have the room." Seth took out a huge notebook and began making notes, taking suggestions from Alice and Bonbon.

Demetri shook his head, examining the ring once more."It's beautiful. 'e knows 'ow to buy jewelry...a useful trait in a 'usband."

I sipped on my wine as Rose pulled my hand towards her, again.

"I knew once he proposed, you guys wouldn't waste any time. He's been so nervous; you should have seen him when he showed Emmett and me the ring - giddy and nervous at the same time. Men are so cute."

Alice and the boys nodded without taking their eyes off the half-arranged plans. I knew they'd take over for me…this would be a piece of cake. Thank God!

"Ok, Carlisle just emailed me his list of groomsmen and told me to tell you that he loves you. Merde, I can't believe you get to be married to that hunk of man…If I didn't love you Bella, I swear I'd be green with envy."

"Seth," Bonbon laughed, pinching his lime green linen shirt in mock disgust, "you are green."

Rose leaned in conspiratorially as Alice and Seth began discussing flower arrangements, seating, and the guest list, aggressively. "Ten bucks says Alice decks Seth before you and Carlisle say 'I do.'"

A wicked smile spread across my face. "I'll take that bet, Rose."

We both sat back and watched the plans unfold before us while we ate. Out of Alice's large bag of wonder, came a stack of wedding magazines almost as tall as Jackson, which they all began to riffle through like little wedding planning vultures. A pair of peacock blue shoes caught my eye, excitedly I leaned over and plucked the magazine off the pile.

"Ahh, honey! You've made momma proud! Shoes, it's always the shoes!" Alice declared in a perfect southern accent, wiping a fake tear from her eye. "We have our color people."

Rose shook her head at Alice. "This month is going to fly, Bella, before you know it, you'll be Isabella Cullen."

"J'ai hâte de."

* * *

**A/N:Hope you all enjoyed that. I'm working on a lot of things right now, all Carlisle and Bella, AIP outtakes as well as a new fic and some oneshots. If you haven't read No more waiting, please do. Let me know what you think. **

**As Always…**

**XX  
Autumn**

**Translations:**

**Sans Souci –Careless**

**Le Train Fantôme—The Ghost Train**

**É****té—Summer**

**Toujour—Forever**

**Écouter—Congratulations**

**Mon Idylle—My Ideal**

**J'ai hâte de—I can't wait.**


	37. Outtake 2:You're my Kashmir

**A/N: Hey! I'm here with another Outtake for you lovely people. The Bella/Carlisle wedding in Provence. If guitars, Led Zeppelin and Carlisle singing floats your boat, read on!**

**Nachos4Children, Kashmir, Led Zeppelin-y goodness, just for you. (=  
**

**As always, I own nothing related to Twilight, or it's characters. I own this plot and fantasies about Robert Plant.  
**

**Enjoy!  
**

* * *

CPOV

Alice's shrill whistle and booming voice woke me from my peaceful slumber. I could hear her shouting in French about people making too much noise. Ironically, I didn't hear them…only her. Bella thankfully slept through the scolding, breathing softly on my chest, her slender leg thrown over mine intimately. Playing with her short tumble of wavy brown hair, I listened to the preparations through the open window with half an ear.

Today was a big day, and I felt as if I had been waiting for it for a very long time.

I knew very little of what our wedding was to look like. Alice solicited my opinion sparingly— Bella put her foot down when it came to the cake and music…those I chose. Frankly, I didn't care about flowers, vellum over parchment invitations or lighting, who sat beside whom. The important things were that Bella was happy and that at the end of the night, we would be husband and wife. During this month, Alice and Bella with the help of her wedding planning fairies as she called them, put our wedding together with more ease than I thought possible, aside from some disagreements between the girls. Didn't weddings take longer to plan? But then again, Alice had been planning since I came back from England with the ring, if not before. The gleeful coos from the ladies, including my niece and sister, and Seth, were my only clues as to beauty that was to be our reception. I expected nothing less from Alice.

"Rose, those go in the room with Bella's _dress_. Oh, Jazzy, here, place these gently on the table in the first room on the right, off the stairs. Gently, ok? Gently!"

Jasper's placid, 'Sure thing, darlin'. Gently, I know,' proved that the man not only talented with a camera, but also a saint—his newlywed life was cluttered with wedding magazines, big notebooks of ideas with the added irritate of Ali's disco phone ringing off the hook, but never did he complain - not even when I interrupted their honeymoon with a rambling phone call and a photo of a very special ring.

As I contemplated waking my soon-to-be wife, there came a soft knock and the raspy French voice of Addie. Carefully, I slipped out of bed and opened the door.

"Addie, bonjour," I whispered, adjusting my glasses.

She greeted me warmly with a kiss on both cheeks and bustled into the room to set a tray of food and steaming coffee on the table, chattering softly about how she thought we _lovers _might enjoy breakfast alone before the day began. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness and asked how the house party was getting on.

Under our Provence roof, we were housing the Paris couples, not to mention the recent addition of Teresa, Felix's fiancé, but also my sister and brother in law, both their children, including Michael's new wife, Julia, Massimo and his wife, Marie, and my good friend, Eleazar, and his wife, Carmen. It seemed impossible that there'd be enough room, what with the twins running around, Alice dictating, and Charlotte wobbling up and down the halls, testing out her lungs in the open country air, but there was more than enough room. With such a large party, tensions were somewhat high though, and the comments made last night would not be forgotten soon.

Lizzie's husband outdid himself when he managed to insult practically everyone at our rehearsal dinner, on purpose or not. Only Isabella's tight grip on my thigh and sideways glance kept me from saying something.

"Assez bien, mais...," she shrugged and slanted me a look, "your sister's 'usband is_ insupportable_." Addie emphasized the last word with a gesture full of French contempt.

I agreed with her; Lizzie could have done better, but she seemed happy with the git, so who was I to judge? "I apologize for him, Addie. He is the very British prick most accuse the rest of us of being."

She waved me off with a smile and a little quip about him being a cold fish.

Our relationship was a newly mended one. When I first returned to Paris, Addie gave me a sound verbal lashing. She flew at me, damning me to the pits of hell in her native tongue with passion and conviction. Blood or not, Addie saw Bella as a daughter of sorts, having cared for her when Aro was alive, and I had injured her daughter. I was out of favor - well, the little favor I had after meeting the woman once - and as I had to earn Bella's trust, I set to the task of restoring Addie's faith in me as well.

A French heart was not easily won back, but when Bella told her I proposed, she smiled and exclaimed that it was about time.

"Elle dort si paisiblement maintenant." Her voice shook me from the memory. I nodded, a faint smile on my lips. Bella truly did sleep more peacefully these days.

With motherly affection, she went to the bed, kissed Bella's cheek, and covered her bare shoulders with the sheets, murmuring low. When she turned to face me, tears glistened in her large eyes, "Aro and Charlie would 'ave loved to see dis day, and I know they watch from le ciel. Our little Bella, take care of 'er, Carlisle, take care of 'er for us."

"Je vais, Addie ... toujours," I swore.

"Good, because I will find out if you don't, and I have many knives." She smiled through her threat and slapped my cheek twice, lightly. I felt my face pale; this woman terrified me. "Ahh, Carlisle…you are going to 'ave your 'ands filled with 'er. Marriage is a challenge, but marriage to a French woman is…ze most challenging, even for a French man."

"I can handle her, Addie," I laughed nervously, thinking of Bella's hot temper, stubborn ways, and passion.

She cackled a little too hard at that as she closed the door behind her.

The divine aroma of dark, roasted heaven lured me to the tray Addie brought. Ignoring the pastries I prepared two coffees - Bella's with a dash of milk - and took mine to the large window where I saw Alice standing on the chair, waving her arms around frantically. Her voice boomed up to where I stood, as did the sharp blows of her whistle.

"No! Don't grab them like that! You're wrinkling the table cloths, Emmett! Rose, help him!"

From the bed, Bella groaned and kicked the sheets off in irritation. I left the coffee and pastries and slid into bed beside her, pulling her on top of me. "Good morning, love. Happy wedding day."

"Ummm, happy wedding day and good morning, good looking," she hummed and kissed me languidly, her fingers reaching under my shirt. "Alice is too loud."

"I know, she woke me up with her whistle—I swear she's fit to direct traffic." As if to prove my point, Alice began shouting again, this time at Seth and Demetri for being late.

"She sounds busy. I should help her, _but_...if she's busy, she can't pull me away from you and into an all day spa retreat. Right?"

"I suppose you have a point there. Whatever shall we do with ourselves?"

Looking at me from beneath her dark lashes, she caressed my torso, lightly raking her short nails over my abs. "That depends on how long we have before someone comes knocking...or someone hears us."

"I believe most of the house party is awake and eating breakfast downstairs." A saucy look came over her face, and I knew where she was going. Breathing hard from her teasing, my fingers played with the satin bows at her hips. So flimsy, fun just waiting to be untied—she knew what these panties would do to me. I suspected my reaction was the reason she bought them. "Addie brought us breakfast and coffee, which gives us an hour or so…but I think," I started, licking the rim of her ear, pulling one tiny bow free, "seeing as it's our wedding day, we can take however long we want."

"Hmm, the promises your voice holds, _Mr. Cullen_."

"Well, soon-to-be Mrs. Cullen, you know I make good on _every _promise, naughty or otherwise." As I reached for the second tie, our steamy moment vanished with another secession of Alice's whistle.

Bella cursed loud enough for Alice to hear, stood, and marched to the open window, hair waving wildly, tank askew and panties hanging on by one little bow. As she leaned out of the window, her thighs resting on the window sill, the other satin ties hung down her legs bright red against pale skin. I couldn't help but admire her derrière; the scrolling logo drew my eye.

Agent Provocateur and I were acquainted now.

"You promised no whistle, Alice. Please stop terrorizing people. It's only six in the morning!"

"Time waits for no one, and I never promised that! I promised I'd use it sparingly. Remember that I let the whole bachelorette night tradition go, so you can give me a whistle. Oh, a peep show, Bella, how risqué of you. Breaking all the rules now, huh honey?"

I could almost see Alice smiling wickedly. Hoping out of bed, I tied the bow quickly before anyone caught a glimpse of Bella sans panties. "There you go, baby. Morning, Alice, Demetri, Seth, Lizzie," I called down before kissing her neck. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I attempted to drag her back to bed, but she didn't budge.

"Toss the whistle, Alice," Bella growled.

"Morning, Carly," she chirped, ignoring her friend. "The whistle doesn't bother you, does it? Before you answer me, remember that I was going to separate you guys last night and keep you on opposite sides of the house until the wedding this afternoon, but I was nice and tossed tradition, _yet again_, and left you both to your sexing."

"Alice," Bella and I warned.

"Fine, you guys win. My voice is louder anyway." She shrugged, tossing the whistle on the table cluttered with breakfast and glasses of the Provence essential: Addie's Sangria. She blew Bella a kiss and sat down beside an exhausted Demetri, mumbling to herself about tradition.

"Why you worry about tradition is beyond me, Alice. 'Er dress is champagne, not white or cream like you wanted, and completely different than what you planned. She's not the last virgin in France. Let 'er 'ave what she wants, she's only going to do this once. Four weeks of you arguing about the dress and a traditional French wedding 'as driven me crazy! The white dress—that didn't become en vogue before 19th century, brides wore whatever fucking colour they wanted, and if they were concerned with purity, which I doubt, they wore blue, not white. And Le Charivari, banging pots and pans on the newlyweds windows expecting a drink, cock block is what I call that…fuck tradition! People were crazy then and you're crazy now!"

"Someone needs a blow job. Where's BonBon? We need his services."

"Shut up, Seth."

"Some tradition is nice!" Alice huffed, "And Bella has agreed to some - she's French, after all."

It was true. While Isabella opted out on certain native customs, others were very important to her. The cathedral, Saint Sauveur, that had seen many members of her family married, was one of them, as was the veil, or Carre, that would be held above our heads as the priest gave us his final blessing—the same veil that would be used for the baptism of our child in the future. The silver wedding goblets passed down from Aro's great grandmother for our toast was another tradition Bella held close to her heart.

"E's English, are you going to throw shoes at them as they leave the Chapel, for good luck?"

"No, what a way to disgrace shoes." She wrinkled her nose and took a sip of her drink. "But we are bringing some English tradition into this wedding. Lizzie and I have been chatting. And the Banns were called out three Sundays ago…so we're good."

"Mon Dieu, 'elp us all," he muttered, unimpressed.

Demetri seemed on edge, but he smiled sweetly when Isabella greeted him. Seth, however, looked invigorated - giddy even.

"He's right, Alice. They've been fucking for a year and change; it's safe to say tradition was tossed out a while ago." Looking at me above the frames of his sunglasses and holding a coffee cup, Seth licked his lips, "Carlisle…we are looking sexy this morning. Still time to change your mind."

"Hey!" Bella protested, crossing her arms over her chest," He's mine, Seth!"

"No thank you, Seth. I have what I want." I blushed and hid behind Bella. God, one never got accustomed to the blatant eye fucking.

Bella whispered, "I'll keep you safe, Carlisle."

I doubted it.

"Ali, he's sexier when he blushes!"

They both dissolved into cackles. Demetri rolled his eyes and clutched at his coffee like a lifeline. I was rather surprised to see my sister sitting in the shade, watching with obvious mirth.

"Oi, he's only jesting, but Carlisle, I haven't seen you that red in ages! Be a dear and whisk the lovely Bellar and yourself away from the window. I'm sure you can find something to do whilst we gossip and micromanage. And do_ try _to keep it down you two."

I nodded and pulled the doors of the window closed, then pulled the drapes together for good measure. Looping an arm about Bella's waist, I hoisted her over my shoulder and kissed her hip. Bella laughed loudly as I strode back to our bed.

"What about breakfast, Carlisle?" she asked once I laid her down on the soft sheets.

Smiling, I slipped the tank top from her body, dropping soft kisses down her torso until I reached those alluring satin bows. Tugging them both loose, I discarded the pretty panties before doing away with my own shirt and sleep pants.

Her eyes went wide. "We don't have to eat, Carlisle...I'm not even hungry."

Her stomached begged to differ. After kissing her pouty lips, I brought the tray and set it on the bed between us. Bella sat up against the pillows, taking the coffee I offered with a beautiful smile.

"You made it just the way I like, thank you."

"You're welcome."

We ate in silence for a minute or two before Bella cleared her throat. "What about sex, Carlisle?"

Smirking around my cup, I looked up at her and winked. "We're eating now, Bella, but I was thinking we could take a bath before going downstairs." Her lips curved up, and a free finger began walking up my leg, "Without sex, love."

Her look of astonishment was too comical; taking the cup from her fingers and setting it on the tray, I slid closer to her until our thighs touched. Her skin pebbled and flushed pink as I ran a finger up her arm. With so many guests and so many things to do, we hadn't found much time to be intimate. While it was maddening to wait, I thought it might be prudent to do so.

Sex was a language we both spoke fluently - and frequently - but tonight it would go from a sensual conversation with Bella to one with my wife. It was monumental, private. Though we had been together countless times before, it was our first time as husband and wife, and I didn't want to be overheard.

"What happened? I thought we were going to...before…why are we naked, then?"

"Do you not enjoy simply being naked with me? Besides, Isabella," I whispered huskily in her ear, "tonight is our wedding night, and I want you _tonight_. Anticipation is mounting—do you feel it? I want to savor every second, every sound, and swipe of my tongue on your body—I want worship my _wife _all night."

" O-oh...God." I smiled against her neck as she shivered with pleasure at my choice of words. "O—ok. Promise?"

"Yes," I kissed her neck. "I promise. Finish up while I go draw us a bath."

xXXx

"Hello, Bonsoir!" I spoke into the microphone after fiddling with the tuning. The clinking of cutlery and goblets settled down along with the soft din of the our guest's conversations. Slinging the soft leather guitar strap over my head, I took a seat on the stool. "I hope none of you mind, but I have a little something planned for my lovely bride, and I ask that no one film this for personal enjoyment and or ridicule later—_Emmett_."

From his seat, he grinned and shouted, "Fat chance, Carly!"

The laughter of our friends and family rolled in waves across the garden. Emmett took out his camera and pointed it at me.

"How did I know you'd say that, Emm? Make sure you push record this time," I chuckled into the microphone, gripping the neck of my old friend. "Now, where is my beautiful wife? Where is Mrs. Cullen?"

I searched faces, grinning, hoping to catch sight of her before anyone else.

Alice had outdone herself transforming Fleurs Sauvages' magical garden of lavender and lattice. Everywhere I looked pale yellow lights twinkled, from candles in mason jars hung from trees and in votives, to opal bulbs strung up and draped above the tables and dance floor. Champagne clothed tables were set up in a large u-shape, with a smaller intimate table for Bella and me to sit at the helm - so to speak. Dark peacock-blue accents popped from beneath lush floral runners of deep purple poppies, irises, sprigs of vibrant lavender, and a flower Bella was quite fond of called a windflower. The air was warm and fragrant; the atmosphere around our Garden of Eden was light with joy as the purple sunset painted a romantic scene. But if I was being utterly honest: everything paled in comparison to Bella.

"There you are, mon amour. Thank you, Jacks, Nikki." They smiled proudly and tugged her along.

Isabella trailed behind the twins, holding their hands as her eyes focused on me. She looked at me with questioning eyes, but once she caught sight of the beat-up green Batwing on my knees, her dark berry-stained lips curved up. My breath caught in my throat as she came to where I was seated.

"Hi, hubby," she whispered, kissing my ear tenderly and cupping my cheek regardless of our audience. "What are you doing?"

Normally, she was a vision, but today, her beauty was magnified to a level I could hardly comprehend. Her face was bright and euphoric, her skin dusted with iridescent shimmer, hair wavy and adorned with a wreath of small purple flowers and sprigs of lavender, my rings sparkling on her dainty finger. The wedding dress only added to her appeal - soft, whimsical, and alluring. Out of every dress I'd ever seen her in, this one was one I'd never forget as long as I lived. Not because it was sexually tormenting, teasing, or because she looked like a goddess, but because it was the one she became my wife in. The title was only hours old, and I couldn't get enough of it.

I covered the microphone with one hand and reached out for her hand. Brow arched, lips smiling, she placed the hand with her new jewelry in mine. "Isn't it obvious? I'm serenading you."

I dropped a kiss on her hand and uncovered the mic.

"Bella, please, if you will sit down," I gestured to chair Jasper had pulled up for her. She sat, intrigued and anxious. "I have a little present for you, and I hope you like it."

She looked around and caught Alice's eye, asking whether she had known about this. Alice nodded, and said I wanted it to be a surprise. "I don't normally like surprises, Carlisle, but any involving you and a guitar…I love."

"I'll remember that for the future," I chuckled. "You've never heard me play, and I know you've wanted to since you learned I could. Lizzie, my sister," I added for those who did not know, "can attest to the fact that me and this guitar spent many hours together - long and loud hours. I fancied myself a bit of rock star." Lizzie and Rose laughed somewhere to my right. "But you, of all people, know my deep, intimate obsession and love for Led Zeppelin."

I let my words hang, so Bella could realize what was coming. She gasped a low _merde_and blushed furiously.

"Carlisle."

"Isabella, we share that love, don't we?" She nodded slowly, and I continued. "We also share a special Led Zeppelin song, you know the one, and every time I listen to it, I think of us and that moment in your flat. I didn't know how important it would become to us then. I do now. To me, that song has always been about a journey, a spiritual and soul-searching journey home…and now it's ours. My journey begins and ends with you, love. You are my Kashmir."

Taking my old pick from my pocket, I placed my fingers where they hadn't been in years - pinky playing A on the fifth fret, index on the second, playing G - took a deep breath and played the rift, walking my fingers down. As I began to play, tears sprang into her eyes, and she mouthed _I love you_.

_"Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dreams,_" I sang, a small bit of that seventeen-year-old boy from so many years ago shinning through. _"I am a traveler of both time and space, to be where I have been."_

Unlike that boy, I thought of only Isabella - her eyes, her love, and then there was only her. The same thing happened with the walls of Saint Sauveur. The chandeliers cast a soft glow about the simple Roman nave, and the entire church smelled of France, of lavender, as was customary. Jasper stood beside me, Emmett and Felix beside him, giddy, grinning, whispering in my ear how he could not wait for me to see her.

_"The girls are here. Carlisle, soon you'll be a married man. She looks…amazing."_

The pews were filled with friends, both new and old, family that had adopted us into theirs. Alice's father and stepmother were smiling and waving at Jasper and I. Emmett's mother was dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief beside Rose and Jasper's mother.

When the organ began to play, my heart pounded along with it. The second I saw her coming down the adorned aisle, I yearned to go to her, but I waited, bouncing on my feet slightly as I counted the moments until she was close enough to touch. Her grandfather's oldest friend, Massimo, placed her hand in mine, symbolically placing her in my care, giving her to me. Before God, family, and friends, I tied myself to her, vowed to love her, honor and cherish her eternally with every fiber of my being.

I wiped tears of joy from her cheeks as she choked through her vows, vows that spoke to my heart directly. They were spoken softly, for my ears only, as if we were completely alone._ Je vous promets de vous aimer, honorer et vous chérissez, dans la maladie et dans la santé, pour les plus riches, pour les plus pauvres, peu importe ce qui se trouve sur notre chemin, tous les jours de ma vie._

The weight of the words when we were pronounced husband and wife brought tears to my eyes. I could barely slow my hands as I lifted the thin veil from her face. Her deep brown eyes looked into mine, lovingly. One small hand sank into my hair, and mine cradled her head while the other snaked around her waist, bringing her to my chest. When our lips met, we both let out a satisfied sigh, at last…after what felt like an eternity of waiting…we were married. We were half of a whole.

"Je t'aime de tout mon cœur, _Mrs Cullen_," I breathed in her ear.

"As I love you, Mr. Cullen."

_Ce que Dieu a uni qu'aucun homme déchirer._

Hand in hand, we walked down the aisle, amidst well wishes and sweet sentiment, tears and kisses. Outside, laurel leaves lined our path to the car, as they did for many a French bride and groom. Church bells rang through the village announceing our union, and the native Provence people smiled with genuine pleasure, offering congratulations and good luck. I couldn't have imagined anything better.

As my fingers moved over the strings, the moan of my guitar filled the air thickly. I could feel Isabella's breath on my face, and I noticed that she'd moved from the chair to standing right in front of me. The warmth of her finger tips on my skin centered me, as she always did and always would.

_"My Shangri-La beneath a summer moon, I will return again, Sure as the dust that floats high in June, When moving through Kashmir."_

Through the rest of the song, while my fingers moved the the fret board, while I disgraced Robert Plant's memory with my lackluster singing voice, my wife's gentle hands never strayed from my body, my shoulders, my neck. Her eyes were wide with awe, her breathing fast. I wondered if this was what she felt when she did things for me, when she shared her talents with me, this feeling of absolute glee.

_"Ooh, my baby, ooh, my baby, let me take you there."_

The twangy DADGAD outtro sang its last note into the night, my finger tips burning. When I opened my eyes, our friends, family, and guests nostalgically held lighters above their heads. I smiled at Alice's wink, knowing this was no stroke of luck. Bella stepped between my legs and kissed me soflty, almost shyly, at first. Passion won over her delicate approach, and she began kissing me with eager and hungry lips. With my guitar between us, I gripped her hips and returned the kiss with equal fervor.

"That was amazing, Carlisle...thank you...so much!" she panted between breaths, as our lips met again and again. "I never knew...Oh God that was so sexy...and romantic...I love you so much."

Behind her, there were cheers and some playful hazing regarding our display. I almost forgot about them with Bella's lips bruning mine. Leaning into the mic, I cleared my throat. "Excuse us for a moment. Nous excuser pour un moment. We'll be right back."

I led her to the pool area, pressed her against the nearby tree, and took her into my arms again, kissing her without an ounce of restraint. No one could see us, but the noise from the party we left behind could still be heard.

"Did you like it?" I asked breathlessly as Bella rested her head on my shoulder. She nodded against me, playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. "I'm so happy you did...I was nervous and I'm not much of a singer."

"You sounded perfect to me." She hummed softly. "Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Say my name, please."

"Isabella." I laughed, amused by her odd request.

Pushing me away gently, she shook her head, the scent of violets, jasmine and lavender swirling around us. There were tears in her eyes again, but the smile painted on her lips told me they were tears of joy, of pure happiness.

"Non, mon nouveau nom."

Her cheeks were soft in my hands as I bent down to kiss her tenderly, swiping my thumbs gently across wet lashes. I whispered her name in her ear, like a secret, nuzzling my nose into her hair.

"I love you, _Mrs. Cullen._"

* * *

**A/N:Thoughts?**

**Next, I will write the sexy honeymoon Carlisle talked about but I'm also working on my other fic, Wandering Star, so it might take some time. If you haven't checked it out, please do. It's very different from this one but, in a good way, I hope. Dark themes, love, vampires...mystery.  
**

**Translations:**

**Elle dort si paisiblement maintenant...She sleeps so peacfully now.**

**Je vais Addie ... toujours...I will Addie...always.**

**Je vous promets de vous aimer, honorer et vous chérissez, dans la maladie et dans la santé, pour les plus riches, pour les plus pauvres, peu importe ce qui se trouve sur notre chemin, tous les jours de ma vie...I promise to love you, honor and cherish you, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, no matter what lies in our path, all the days of my life.**

**Je t'aime de tout mon cœur, Mrs Cullen...I love you with all of my heart, Mrs. Cullen.**

**Ce que Dieu a uni qu'aucun homme déchirer...what God has joined let no man tear apart**

**Non, mon nouveau nom...No, my new name.**

**XX**

**Autumn  
**


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